helloanxietin

[helloanxietin]

Life Update. *kahit walang may pake*

June 13, 2023 12:51 am

So ayun, I'm back here on tumblr pero this time hindi ako malungkot. Gusto ko maging UGC content creator. Tutal naman nagtuturo ako sa makeup school so I think that will help me as well.

Ang tanong is kaya ko ba?

Sana.

Okay yun lang :D

#personal #random

[helloanxietin]

[helloanxietin]

Life update.

Life update na wala naman may pake.

I'm currently watching Dr. Cha, and I had to skip some parts because I saw it on Tiktok already and I can't watch the husband gaslighting her wife. I really hate people who gaslight others.

I overspent last time because I was so mad.

I am also trying to detach myself from other people. I don't like the feeling again of relying upon other people when I need comfort when I'm anxious or sad or anything. I feel like I'm being a burden again to other people.

Earlier today, I had a slight anxiety attack because our house helper didn't come to work, and her sister told me she won't return anymore. I had a lot of thoughts like how am I supposed to juggle my two jobs and take care of Papa, plus the household chores too. Thankfully, I have our neighbors whose willing to help us while our helper is not yet here.

So far, yun lang muna. Kbye.

#random

[helloanxietin]

[helloanxietin]

Amen 🤍

[helloanxietin]

back at it again.

Have you ever felt something so painful that your chest and your stomach hurts so bad, and you just cry and plead to God to stop the pain?

[helloanxietin]

I was so excited to go home, wash my face, go to my room and call you. I was so excited because I was just thinking that maybe, just maybe... You were excited to spend time with me too.

Where did the time go?

Who are you?

[helloanxietin]

Who are you?

I remember the first time I had a breakdown in front of you. I was so scared. For years, I have protected myself from anyone and never let anyone see me breaking down. I did a great job of not asking help from people because I've had my fair share of experience when people are letting me down.

You saw me breaking down and you stayed with me. And this is why I fell in love with you.

I have never had a good experience sharing my emotions with people for almost all my life. Either they will use it against me, ignore it, or get mad at me for feeling the way I feel. And again, for the first time, you listened to me, helped me communicate my emotions, and were patient with me.

For the first time, I felt I was heard. I deserve to be heard and my emotions were valid. I felt validated. For the first time, I felt that "finally, I have someone who understands and listens to me." I was so scared. I told myself, "how could you be so real? It was too good to be true."

Little by little, you have helped me get through my fear of being vulnerable. Finally, I felt safe. You become my safe space. You used to be my safe space.

WHO ARE YOU?

Who are you now?

#not random

[helloanxietin]

kailangan ko gumawa ng CV di ako makapag focus ugh

#personal

[helloanxietin]

Consistency is luxury. You don't just expect this from anyone.

[helloanxietin]

I knew this is coming but I still didn't think it's gonna hurt this much.

[helloanxietin]

Compassionate Healing

Have you ever been so heartbroken that you found yourself hyperventilating through your tears? Have you ever felt so numb in your emotions that you’d taken drastic actions just to ‘feel something?’

 Mark 3:1-5

He entered the synagogue, and a man was there with a withered hand.  And they watched Jesus, to see whether he would heal him on the Sabbath, so that they might accuse him.  And he said to the man with the withered hand, “Come here.”  And he said to them, “Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do harm, to save life or to kill?” But they were silent.  And he looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, and said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was restored.

 Jesus cares for you in that He has righteous anger against those who do you wrong or seek to keep you from obtaining His blessing, His will is to restore you to Himself and will achieve His mission in it.

[helloanxietin]

Lately, I have been thinking about a lot of things. I have been overthinking and overanalyzing things, and I'll just end up blaming myself for so many things.

I've been so demanding when I know I'm not supposed to.

Everything is my fault because it is my duty (and nobody else) to protect myself from being so attached to people because everybody leaves anyway. It will be for a different reason, different circumstances (or maybe still the same thing). It will hurt when they leave and it will leave me trying to pick up the broken pieces again.

I should have known from the very start. Everything is just happy in the beginning. The real deal starts when things are steady. All good things are just there for a period of time.

I never should have expected anyone to be consistent.

Consistency is a luxury. You can't expect it from anyone else. It's like a rare piece of a high-end bag.

There are a lot of things on my mind and this is me pretty much dumping whatever I have in mind because my head is being clouded again and I'm close to breaking down.

#mind dump #personal

[helloanxietin]

The old days were gone. It went all down the drain. Sooner or later, we will just be another "almost". It's just gonna be another "used to be."

#random

[helloanxietin]

It feels annoyingly funny how I ignore you and still wait for you to remember me! Not a good feeling tho.

#personal

[helloanxietin]

Nagsimula sa "pipiliin kita sa araw-araw", and we ended with saying "goodbye to ones we once loved."

Ang sakit sa puso nitong Ben and Ben. Kbye.

[helloanxietin]

I miss this sooo much 😭

Hello again, tumblr.

Hello again. My mind can't stop thinking about so many things, but hindi naman sad things yung iniisip ko. Masaya ako today. 💗

One out of many things I am thinking about is the thought that the Lord has blessed me with a man that has long patience.

A few months ago, my posts are really sad and those are my depressive thoughts. I was anxious, depressed and I can't stop thinking about so many negative things.

I just want to appreciate my bebibu for being patient with me from the very beginning. From the time he said he wants to pray for me, until the day he first said that he loves me, until the day he promised me that he will be with me and he will wait for me.

He always stays true to his promise.

I thank the Lord for giving me such a man who loves the Lord so much that I get to experience the love of God through him. This man is far from perfect. He has a lot of flaws, but through him, I get to share the love I never thought I could give to anyone. He is not perfect, but I love everything about him. From how he makes me a background noise because he feels comfortable with me, up to how he answers my call even if he is in the middle of pooping. 😂

He always reminds me of the truth in God's promises; in him, I see how the Lord works in his life.

I thank the Lord for sustaining the love we have for each other. I thank the Lord for letting me experience this kind of love I never thought I deserved. I was begging for a bare minimum before, but God removed me from that situation and gave me a man who always goes the extra mile and gives me more than just a bare minimum.

I'm just so happy. The word "happy" is an understatement for how this man always makes me feel.

I want to savor this moment and share it here. I want to constantly be reminded of this feeling. 💗