her-speckofcolor-world

[her-speckofcolor-world]

i don’t know who needs to hear this but everything will be okay.

i know it seems scary and daunting and really, really hard. but there are better days coming, warmer loves, more opportunities to live.

it’s okay to not have everything figured out, especially if you’re still studying or you’ve just graduated or you just don’t know what to do next.

take it slow, take some deep breaths, you’ll figure it out. be gentle with yourself.

[her-speckofcolor-world]

No I can’t sleep yet I haven’t picked a romantic scenario to fantasize about

[her-speckofcolor-world]

I should be sleeping but instead I’m getting drunk on the nightmares you gave me

Too intoxicated to fully breathe

Look at what you fucking did to me

I wish I could throw up all the bad dreams

With the promise of a hangover as a remedy

Because it’s getting tiring trying to escape that reality

For heavens sake I never thought you’d be the devil

But sinners love company and so does your evil

Anger the vilest drug I crave

All because of what you taught me that day

I’m just trying to get my fix and burn a few bridges in the mean time

And It’s time we said our last goodbye

The last ones didn’t stick so let me give it another try

I did my best and I wish I could say the same for you

It all seemed too easy when you were saying nothing that was true

The lies came easily as breathing and nothing seemed to matter to you

Misery loves company and that’s all I wanted to be for you

So it’s sad to know that it wasn’t that hard seeing me leave

There was no freedom on the table that I tapped instead of tipped

There was no option for redemption the day you refused to claim it

I took my shaky breathes holding on to my sanity

All the while you forgot to let go of me

Just a little girl being told to leave only to be chained and condemned for failing to flee

By the way I’m talking with my anger again and it frightens me when it sounds like you

I wish it didn’t feel so good to let it burn through my skin

Letting it take control until my thoughts are forsaken

For brutal retaliation

I should be asleep.

And you should have grown up.

We both should have done a lot I just wish you had never given up.

#dark acadamia #journal #writing #poetry #sleep deprivation #fuck off

[her-speckofcolor-world]

Cry me a river and follow the stream So that when you look back you are far away from me I drowned far too many times to take them seriously So save the tears, I’m all out of pity And maybe this is my anger taking or the dragon that it born Either way my tongue is made of fire and I don’t care if you burn #art #poetry #writer #ishouldnesleeping https://www.instagram.com/p/CSjBFnHFPEU/?utm_medium=tumblr

#art #poetry #writer #ishouldnesleeping

[her-speckofcolor-world]

Sometimes I forget how to be. How to be a person I call myself. Through all the layers of insecurity, false confidence, and a strangled laugh I have to come to the realisation that I exist in this body, never truly changing as much as I feel I am. And this is a comfort to me that the parts of myself I miss are closer than I think.

#dark academia style #light acadamia #dark acadamia #writing #journal #aesthetic #sleep deprived #does that make sense #poetry #morning thoughts

[her-speckofcolor-world]

Since school is beginning at the end of the month I'm trying to get back on a schedule.

I never knew that online school would feel so right for me and although I miss a great deal of people, there is so much less stress for me. I am nervous as to how this term will adapt to my junior year art curriculum, but I'm so much more comfortable with this format.

This last year has been an uphill battle and it is finally looking like it may get better, even if it's just this one part.

#dark acadamia aesthetic #dark academia #university #light acadamia #dark academia style #online school #covid lockdown

[her-speckofcolor-world]

You know you’ve matured when you no longer fear bending your books or writing in the margins 

[her-speckofcolor-world]

#dark acadamia aesthetic #dark academia #dark aesthetic #university #light acadamia #teatime #good morning

[her-speckofcolor-world]

A World at its Knees.

I just wanted some peace and quiet. I prayed for the world to pause for long enough to find myself. That silence would finally let me think. That with no one around I would breathe full breaths without feeling claustrophobic. These were simple wishes that had me begging the night sky, that maybe a star would signal hearing my plea with a spark across the night. But, maybe, I was not the only one who craved this solitude and without caution or thought, brought the world to its knees. 

Oh how the Universe loves to show me to be careful what I wish for. That stars have a sick sense of humor. 

#dark aesthetic #art #dark acadamia aesthetic #dark academia #dark academia style #light acadamia #poetry #writing #quarantine

[her-speckofcolor-world]

I have been spending my quarantine at my aunt's house away from my roommates. This house has brought me so much peace as the world outside grows more chaotic. Being here has been a safety I haven't known for what feels like a lifetime.

I will gladly accept the freedom I have only been reading about in books.

#dark acadamia aesthetic #dark academia #dark academia style #light acadamia #teacup #inner peace

[her-speckofcolor-world]

I finished the first book from my book haul this morning.

Girl, Interrupted.

This book is by far one of my favourites. The true stories told, that surround mental illness and health, were the most real and honest I'd ever come across in literature (without it idealising the issues depicted). It was beautifully authentic and will forever hold a place in my heart, as piece of me has been embodied in someone else.

I recommend.

#bookhaul #books #book review #girl interrupted #dark aesthetic #dark academia #light acadamia #i recommend 10/10 #mental health #mental ill health

[her-speckofcolor-world]

Had a major book haul today, preparing for the quarantine. Trying to look at the bright side with all the free time I'll have off from school.

My local private bookshop is by far a favourite place to be and it's unfortunate I won't be able to go more during this break. Luckily they do online orders which should compensate, but it's just not the same.

If anyone has anymore suggestions on what else I should look for feel free to recommend.

#books #bookaddict #dark academia #dark acadamia aesthetic #reading #bookhaul #catcher in the rye #girl interrupted #andre aciman #the goldfinch #let it snow #john keats #poetry #pride and predujice #robinson crusoe

[her-speckofcolor-world]

It's been snowing all day, making my essay impossible to focus on.

I want to light my candles and read by my window as it snows. I want to wear soft sweaters as the world outside chills. I want to drink my favourite tea and let the world disappear for a few moments.

But back to this essay thats due tomorrow.

#university #dark academia #dark aesthetic #candles #studying for finals #writing #study space #dark acadamia aesthetic

[her-speckofcolor-world]

Let this be a warning, that the seasons are changing and may the world prepare for the thorns soon to be born in the woman who was never meant to be beautiful, but brilliant instead.

#dark aesthetic #dark acadamia aesthetic #studying for finals #i'm just so tired #poetry

[her-speckofcolor-world]

You can't see the bags under my eyes at this angle, but I finally submitted my 11 paged essay. Fingers crossed that my UNST professor passes me. Finals week please stop kicking my ass.

#university #dark acadamia aesthetic #dark academia #light acadamia #studying for finals

[her-speckofcolor-world]

bitches will bring a million things to do on a train ride or long car trip and then spend the entire time looking out the window and daydreaming. i’m bitches

[her-speckofcolor-world]

Another week of acadamia that has succeeded in exhausting me. University has a way of making me relate to all those crazy artists who lose their minds and are never satisfied with their work.

#university #dark aesthetic #dark acadamia aesthetic #artist #art #painting #cat