Tumgik
hpcrackficfest · 1 year
Text
HP Crack!Fic Fest 2022: Reveals!
Tumblr media
And that's all they wrote, folks! To those who participated, y'all are seriously the absolute best. I had an awesome third year of HP Crack!Fic Fest, and I hope you all did too!
Now all of our lovely participants can thank people for their comments, show off (rightly) anywhere they social, and repost their works wherever they like!
MASTERLIST REVEALS
Title: Court Me! Author: Dark (Chelonie), Scarpath Rating: R
Title: Endurance for Hospitality Author: @diandrastrikesback Rating: NC-17
Title: “Former Headmaster,” oil (and occasionally mixed media) on canvas, 2010 Author: nocturn Rating: PG-13
Title: Shit Happens Author: @nv-md Rating: R
Title: Veridicere Author: @voldemorts-tap-shoes Rating: R
Title: Sweeter than Fiction Author: @adenei​ Rating: NC-17
Title: Oh, We Stamp and Crush Through the Underbrush Author: @miffmiff​ Rating: PG-13
Title: Go to Hell, Lucius Malfoy Author: @mumka-fanfic​ Rating: PG-13
Title: Severus Snape's Darkest Secret Author: @namara-ashina​ Rating: G
Title: Weasel Into Your Heart Author: @vitaminpops​ Rating: R
Title: Severus Snape, Yoga Teacher Author: @deliciousblizzardshark​ Rating: PG-13
Title: keeping score Author: @talkingtravesties​ Rating: NC-17
Title: not as intended Author: @fantasyborn​ Rating: G
Title: Behind Every Great Man… Is a Very Angry Hermione Granger Author: ottersholdinghands Rating: PG-13 Title: Yer A Muggle, Michael Author: Kenzlepuff Rating: PG-13
Title: Girl Boss Author: @edie-k​ Rating: PG-13
Title: Sabotaging Umbridge Author: @theslytheringurl​ Rating: R
Title: Always Knock Author: @celestemagnoliathewriter​ Rating: NC-17
Title: Bogle’d Down Author: @drwhoisginnyholmes​ Rating: G
48 notes · View notes
hpcrackficfest · 1 year
Text
HP Crack!Fic Fest 2022: Anonymous Masterlist
Tumblr media
And here's our final Anonymous Masterlist for HP Crack!Fic Fest 2022! I was so incredibly pleased to see everyone who came back to participate and support us for our third year! Thank you all so, so much, and welcome to all the new people as well!
Reveals will be going up this coming Friday October 21. Thank you so much to everyone who has shown their support thus far - we cannot appreciate you enough! <3
ANONYMOUS MASTERLIST
Title: Court Me! Rating: R Summary: Voldemort is terrified of Bellatrix. The answer, clearly, is to court Harry Potter. Shut up, Nagini, it does too make sense!
Title: Endurance for Hospitality Rating: NC-17 Summary: “What, Lupin?” “I just thought… maybe you were… coming to pay your respects?” he said, losing certainty as he trailed off. Really, Snape thought, toying with the idea that he, Severus Snape, would visit Lupin while he was mourning Snape’s own mortal enemy. The idea was almost laughable. He reached the landing to the top floor and grinned to himself. Visiting Lupin, ha. Impossible! But why would Lupin assume… Had others been…?
Title: “Former Headmaster,” oil (and occasionally mixed media) on canvas, 2010 Rating: PG-13 Summary: Severus didn’t want to admit it, but waking after the war to find himself two-dimensional—with no life-endangering missions, duplicity, or outlets for his self-hatred—was… rather boring. At first.
Title: Shit Happens Rating: R Summary: Harry was more than a little nervous about his date with Draco, so he took a Calming Draught...and if only Harry wasn't so bloody stupid, things might've turned out differently.
Title: Veridicere Rating: R Summary: When unlikely partners Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger get hit with a truth hex during an investigation, they're in for a rough night of honesty.
Title: Sweeter than Fiction Rating: NC-17 Summary: In a perfect world, grad student Hermione Granger would never have to worry about any distractions while studying at her favorite place in the world. Too bad there' a new (and ridiculously) sexy librarian waiting in the stacks to sweep her off her feet. Too bad he's completely inadept at his job—or so she thinks.
Title: Oh, We Stamp and Crush Through the Underbrush Rating: PG-13 Summary: Determined to follow in his father's footsteps, Harry tries desperately to become an animagus. Good news: he succeeds. Bad news: his form is an elephant and he's unable to change back.
Title: Go to Hell, Lucius Malfoy Rating: PG-13 Summary: Everyone tells Lucius Malfoy to go to tell. Well, why the Hell not?
Title: Severus Snape's Darkest Secret Rating: G Summary: Severus Snape has a secret he will take to the grave.
Title: Weasel Into Your Heart Rating: R Summary: A prank switches the bodies of Ron and the nearest living creature—a rat. So, naturally, when running late to a date with longtime crush and colleague, Draco Malfoy, Ron employs any means necessary to get there.
Title: Severus Snape, Yoga Teacher Rating: PG-13 Summary: Severus Snape was a yoga teacher. Severus Snape was alive. Harry was faintly aware he was gaping like a fish. Severus Snape was at the front of the yoga classroom (studio? Gymnasium?), talking to a student, his hair pulled in a small bun on the back of his head. Severus Snape wore trousers that left nothing to the imagination. Severus Snape was hung.
Title: keeping score Rating: NC-17 Summary: Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter begin a game of who can find the best (or most ridiculous) place in the Ministry for them to fool around in. Potter has the upper hand, but Draco is determined to win.
Title: not as intended Rating: G Summary: It’s amazing really, how quickly good things can go to hell in a handbasket. One second, he’s talking with Sirius - his GODFATHER who wants Harry to live with him! - and the next, Professor Lupin’s turning into a werewolf.
Title: Behind Every Great Man… Is a Very Angry Hermione Granger Rating: PG-13 Summary: It’s Hermione Granger versus the Bechdel test. Who do you expect to win? Title: Yer A Muggle, Michael Rating: PG-13 Summary: How does a Muggle make it through Hogwarts?
Title: Girl Boss Rating: PG-13 Summary: Voldemort thought that he had an elite group of followers, feared by his opposition and admired by Purebloods.
Title: Sabotaging Umbridge Rating: R Summary: The Hogwarts faculty team up to make Umbridge's time at Hogwarts a bit more interesting. Bad jokes, movie quotes, muggle products, beloved cartoon characters turned into adult toys, and clouds of flatulence are loosed upon the hallowed halls of Hoggy, Hoggy, Hogwarts.
Title: Always Knock Rating: NC-17 Summary: It wasn’t until the summer of 1995 that Ginny Weasley learned how to knock on all doors before she opened them. It was the summer she learned just what the Order members were up to when they weren’t on missions - and she’d never see any of them the same way again.
Title: Bogle’d Down Rating: G Summary: Severus is gifted a magical mixie toy that has been charmed. As obnoxious as the toy is, it surprisingly provides him with something more than he bargained for, a friend.
21 notes · View notes
hpcrackficfest · 1 year
Text
HP Crack!Fic Fest 2022: Weekly Round-Up (3)
Tumblr media
And that’s all they wrote! We’ve come to the end of another great round of posting for HP Crack!Fic Fest!
Our Anonymous Masterlist will be coming on Tuesday October 18, and this round will conclude with the Masterlist Author Reveals posting on Friday October 21.
Until that time, please do continue to enjoy our 2022 submissions and give kudos/comments/etc. to all those who’ve participated!
WEEK 3
Title: Behind Every Great Man… Is a Very Angry Hermione Granger Rating: PG-13 Summary: It’s Hermione Granger versus the Bechdel test. Who do you expect to win? Title: Yer A Muggle, Michael Rating: PG-13 Summary: How does a Muggle make it through Hogwarts?
Title: Girl Boss Rating: PG-13 Summary: Voldemort thought that he had an elite group of followers, feared by his opposition and admired by Purebloods.
Title: Sabotaging Umbridge Rating: R Summary: The Hogwarts faculty team up to make Umbridge's time at Hogwarts a bit more interesting. Bad jokes, movie quotes, muggle products, beloved cartoon characters turned into adult toys, and clouds of flatulence are loosed upon the hallowed halls of Hoggy, Hoggy, Hogwarts.
Title: Always Knock Rating: NC-17 Summary: It wasn’t until the summer of 1995 that Ginny Weasley learned how to knock on all doors before she opened them. It was the summer she learned just what the Order members were up to when they weren’t on missions - and she’d never see any of them the same way again.
Title: Bogle’d Down Rating: G Summary: Severus is gifted a magical mixie toy that has been charmed. As obnoxious as the toy is, it surprisingly provides him with something more than he bargained for, a friend.
10 notes · View notes
hpcrackficfest · 1 year
Text
FEST FIC: Bogle’d Down (G)
Title: Bogle’d Down Author: @drwhoisginnyholmes Prompt: Self-prompt: Snape is gifted a charmed Mixies Magic Cauldron toy. Rating: G Pairing(s): None Word Count: 5k Warning(s)/Content: No Warnings Apply Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended. Summary: Severus is gifted a magical mixie toy that has been charmed. As obnoxious as the toy is, it surprisingly provides him with something more than he bargained for, a friend. Notes: Thank you to my betas and the mod for their never-ending patience. <3
Read on AO3
4 notes · View notes
hpcrackficfest · 1 year
Text
FEST FIC: Always Knock (NC-17)
Title: Always Knock Author: @celestemagnoliathewriter Prompt: #42 Rating: NC-17 Pairing(s): Molly Weasley/Arthur Weasley, Sirius Black/Kingsley Shacklebolt, Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Hestia Jones/Emmeline Vance, Sirius Black/Emmeline Vance, Arthur Weasley/Kingsley Shacklebolt, Molly Weasley/Sirius Black/Hestia Jones Word Count: 1.8k Warning(s)/Content: allusions to sexual content, mature, but not explicit descriptions of sexual acts and consensual sexual activities Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended. Summary: It wasn’t until the summer of 1995 that Ginny Weasley learned how to knock on all doors before she opened them. It was the summer she learned just what the Order members were up to when they weren’t on missions - and she’d never see any of them the same way again.
Read on AO3
6 notes · View notes
hpcrackficfest · 1 year
Text
FEST FIC: Sabotaging Umbridge (R)
Title: Sabotaging Umbridge Author: @theslytheringurl Prompt: #40 The twins (or the Marauders, if you want a different era) set up a black market in Muggle items at Hogwarts. Ball point pens, cigarettes, Haribo gummy bears, Muggle comic books... you name it! Rating: R Pairing(s): None Word Count: 19k Warning(s)/Content: Rating for language, terrible jokes, and sex toy explanations. If you are looking for lemons or smut you won't find it here. Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic/Warner Bro's. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended. This is a complete Parody. Summary: The Hogwarts faculty team up to make Umbridge's time at Hogwarts a bit more interesting. Bad jokes, movie quotes, muggle products, beloved cartoon characters turned into adult toys, and clouds of flatulence are loosed upon the hallowed halls of Hoggy, Hoggy, Hogwarts. Notes: Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus. I solemnly swear Hogwarts is up to no good. Originally written for the HP Crack Fest. This is a complete farce. Quite a few liberties were taken with the timeline of Harry Potter, the timeline of when products were actually created/became available to the public, etc. For the sake of everyone’s sanity, since I have not lived in the UK, any products not available there IRL are for the purposes of this story. Honestly, I do not know what I was thinking as this poured out of me. I blame sugar, caffeine, alcohol when it got later into the day, and lack of sleep. Thank you to my lovely beta's LateModelDirt, and RavenclawGreen28
Read on AO3
10 notes · View notes
hpcrackficfest · 1 year
Text
FEST FIC: Girl Boss (PG-13)
Title: Girl Boss Author: @edie-k Prompt: Voldemort notices that he only has two female DEs and he decides to make a Lady Death Eater division. It's terrible. He does all the stupid things corporations do to get women customers, like making the tattoo pink or promising easier raids. A severe backlash to his sexism, led by Bellatrix, teaches him the error of his ways. Rating: PG-13 Pairing(s): None Word Count: 2.1k Warning(s)/Content: None Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended. Summary: Voldemort thought that he had an elite group of followers, feared by his opposition and admired by Purebloods.
Read on AO3
9 notes · View notes
hpcrackficfest · 1 year
Text
FEST FIC: Yer A Muggle, Michael (PG-13)
Title: Yer A Muggle, Michael Author: Kenzlepuff Prompt: #5: When we last saw Cho Chang, she was dating Michael Corner. Later, it was revealed that she married a Muggle. They are the same person. Rating: PG-13 Pairing(s): Cho Chang/Michael Corner Word Count: 2k Warning(s)/Content: Dumbledore bashing, no archive warnings apply Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended. Summary: How does a Muggle make it through Hogwarts? Notes: Enjoy!
Read on AO3
9 notes · View notes
hpcrackficfest · 1 year
Text
FEST FIC: Behind Every Great Man… Is a Very Angry Hermione Granger (PG-13)
Title: Behind Every Great Man… Is a Very Angry Hermione Granger Author: ottersholdinghands Prompt: #85: Hermione realises the story of her life currently wouldn’t pass the Bechdel test. She’s determined to correct it. She ditches the boys, and recruits a lot (all?) of the female characters in the books to her crusade. Named and unnamed ones. Still, there’s an awful lot of talking about Harry Potter and You-Know-Who, so they still fail the Bechdel test. Gaaah! There’s nothing to it. They have to get rid of Voldemort. Rating: PG-13 Pairing(s): N/A Word Count: 10k Warning(s)/Content: N/A Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended. Summary: It’s Hermione Granger versus the Bechdel test. Who do you expect to win? Notes: Huge thank you to fangqueen for putting on this fest! And an extra big thanks to HourlyLawyer for the beta and fixing my inappropriate usage of the em dash. Any remaining mistakes you find are enthusiastically mine. Before reading this fic, it is expected you have an understanding of what the Bechdel test is. If not, hop on over to Wikipedia for a quick gander. (What? This fic has prerequisites?!) (Sorry, not sorry. I promise it’s worth your while.)
Read on AO3
7 notes · View notes
hpcrackficfest · 1 year
Text
HP Crack!Fic Fest 2022: Weekly Round-Up (2)
Tumblr media
We’ve come to the end of another amazing week of posting! Here is the collective post of all the submissions we had the pleasure of viewing this week. We have one more week to come, so please stay tuned!
WEEK 2
Title: Go to Hell, Lucius Malfoy Rating: PG-13 Summary: Everyone tells Lucius Malfoy to go to tell. Well, why the Hell not?
Title: Severus Snape's Darkest Secret Rating: G Summary: Severus Snape has a secret he will take to the grave.
Title: Weasel Into Your Heart Rating: R Summary: A prank switches the bodies of Ron and the nearest living creature—a rat. So, naturally, when running late to a date with longtime crush and colleague, Draco Malfoy, Ron employs any means necessary to get there.
Title: Severus Snape, Yoga Teacher Rating: PG-13 Summary: Severus Snape was a yoga teacher. Severus Snape was alive. Harry was faintly aware he was gaping like a fish. Severus Snape was at the front of the yoga classroom (studio? Gymnasium?), talking to a student, his hair pulled in a small bun on the back of his head. Severus Snape wore trousers that left nothing to the imagination. Severus Snape was hung.
Title: keeping score Rating: NC-17 Summary: Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter begin a game of who can find the best (or most ridiculous) place in the Ministry for them to fool around in. Potter has the upper hand, but Draco is determined to win. Title: not as intended Rating: G Summary: It’s amazing really, how quickly good things can go to hell in a handbasket. One second, he’s talking with Sirius - his GODFATHER who wants Harry to live with him! - and the next, Professor Lupin’s turning into a werewolf.
6 notes · View notes
hpcrackficfest · 1 year
Text
FEST FIC: not as intended (G)
Title: not as intended Author: @fantasyborn Prompt: #29 - Desperate not to get mauled by Lupin in his werewolf form, Harry remembers Lockhart's spell for defeating werewolves and casts it on a whim. Instead of being a vicious werewolf, Lupin is now a vicious pomeranian Rating: G Pairing(s): N/A Word Count: 1k Warning(s)/Content: N/A Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended. Summary: It’s amazing really, how quickly good things can go to hell in a handbasket. One second, he’s talking with Sirius - his GODFATHER who wants Harry to live with him! - and the next, Professor Lupin’s turning into a werewolf. Notes: when i was going through prompts, i had to grab this one. it made me laugh. thanks to kat for beta-ing for me! and to the ever lovely fangqueen for running this fest!
Read on AO3
6 notes · View notes
hpcrackficfest · 1 year
Text
FEST FIC: keeping score (NC-17)
Title: keeping score Author: @talkingtravesties Prompt: 27 - Harry and Draco are friends with benefits. They play a sex game in the Ministry of Magic, where they find increasingly random places for lovemaking. I'd like quill cupboards, wand storage rooms and wherever else floats your boat. Rating: NC-17 Pairing(s): Harry/Draco Word Count: 3.4k Warning(s)/Content: None Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended. Summary: Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter begin a game of who can find the best (or most ridiculous) place in the Ministry for them to fool around in. Potter has the upper hand, but Draco is determined to win.
Read on AO3
9 notes · View notes
hpcrackficfest · 1 year
Text
FEST FIC: Severus Snape, Yoga Teacher (PG-13)
Title: Severus Snape, Yoga Teacher Author: @deliciousblizzardshark Prompt: self-prompt Rating: PG-13 Pairing(s): Harry Potter/Severus Snape Word Count: 5k Warning(s)/Content: None Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended. Summary: Severus Snape was a yoga teacher. Severus Snape was alive. Harry was faintly aware he was gaping like a fish. Severus Snape was at the front of the yoga classroom (studio? Gymnasium?), talking to a student, his hair pulled in a small bun on the back of his head. Severus Snape wore trousers that left nothing to the imagination. Severus Snape was hung. Notes: Hi! Thanks for the mods for this awesome fest. I was inspired to write this by hippocrates460's amazing Andrew, 38 because I just find the idea of Snape becoming a yoga teacher so incredibly funny.
Read on AO3
13 notes · View notes
hpcrackficfest · 1 year
Text
FEST FIC: Weasel Into Your Heart (R)
Title: Weasel Into Your Heart Author: @vitaminpops Prompt: self-prompt “Ratatouille AU. By accident, character A switches bodies with a small animal and can't reverse the process. So, naturally, character A pilots their human body like a mecha so they don't be late to this date with character B. Shenanigans ensue.” Rating: R Pairing(s): Ron Weasley/Draco Malfoy Word Count: 3.7k Warning(s)/Content: sexual implications Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended. Summary: A prank switches the bodies of Ron and the nearest living creature—a rat. So, naturally, when running late to a date with longtime crush and colleague, Draco Malfoy, Ron employs any means necessary to get there. Notes: there’s rats so I hope you enjoy
Read on AO3
10 notes · View notes
hpcrackficfest · 1 year
Text
FEST FIC: Severus Snape's Darkest Secret (G)
Title: Severus Snape's Darkest Secret Author: @namara-ashina Prompt: Self Prompt: Severus Snape has an unusual animagus form Rating: G Pairing(s): None Word Count: 200 Warning(s)/Content: None Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended. Summary: Severus Snape has a secret he will take to the grave.
Read on AO3
11 notes · View notes
hpcrackficfest · 1 year
Text
FEST FIC: Go to Hell, Lucius Malfoy (PG-13)
Title: Go to Hell, Lucius Malfoy Author: @mumka-fanfic Prompt: Self-prompt Rating: PG-13 Pairing(s): Lucius Malfoy & Devil Word Count: 1.8k Warning(s)/Content: References to the Devil Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended. Summary: Everyone tells Lucius Malfoy to go to tell. Well, why the Hell not? Notes: Thank you CelesteMagnolia for making this piece what it is now!
Read on AO3
5 notes · View notes
hpcrackficfest · 1 year
Text
HP Crack!Fic Fest 2022: Weekly Round-Up (1)
Tumblr media
I am blown away by this year’s start to HP Crack!Fic Fest! Here is the collective post of all the submissions we had the pleasure of viewing this week. There is more to come, so please stay tuned!
WEEK 1
Title: Court Me! Rating: R Summary: Voldemort is terrified of Bellatrix. The answer, clearly, is to court Harry Potter. Shut up, Nagini, it does too make sense!
Title: Endurance for Hospitality Rating: NC-17 Summary: “What, Lupin?” “I just thought… maybe you were… coming to pay your respects?” he said, losing certainty as he trailed off. Really, Snape thought, toying with the idea that he, Severus Snape, would visit Lupin while he was mourning Snape’s own mortal enemy. The idea was almost laughable. He reached the landing to the top floor and grinned to himself. Visiting Lupin, ha. Impossible! But why would Lupin assume… Had others been…?
Title: “Former Headmaster,” oil (and occasionally mixed media) on canvas, 2010 Rating: PG-13 Summary: Severus didn’t want to admit it, but waking after the war to find himself two-dimensional—with no life-endangering missions, duplicity, or outlets for his self-hatred—was… rather boring. At first.
Title: Shit Happens Rating: R Summary: Harry was more than a little nervous about his date with Draco, so he took a Calming Draught...and if only Harry wasn't so bloody stupid, things might've turned out differently.
Title: Veridicere Rating: R Summary: When unlikely partners Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger get hit with a truth hex during an investigation, they're in for a rough night of honesty.
Title: Sweeter than Fiction Rating: NC-17 Summary: In a perfect world, grad student Hermione Granger would never have to worry about any distractions while studying at her favorite place in the world. Too bad there' a new (and ridiculously) sexy librarian waiting in the stacks to sweep her off her feet. Too bad he's completely inadept at his job—or so she thinks.
Title: Oh, We Stamp and Crush Through the Underbrush Rating: PG-13 Summary: Determined to follow in his father's footsteps, Harry tries desperately to become an animagus. Good news: he succeeds. Bad news: his form is an elephant and he's unable to change back.
9 notes · View notes