hymnstoalienstars

[hymnstoalienstars]

talk to me about persepolis

~

#persepolis #for context: russian afab 20smth #looking for friends #looking for a penpal #<-sort of

[hymnstoalienstars]

hey what's up with the "!" in fandoms? i.e. "fat!" just curious thaxxx

I have asked this myself in the past and never gotten an answer.

Maybe today will be the day we are both finally enlightened.

[hymnstoalienstars]

hpmor; dementors

In the tags in the other post, I wrote that I probably wouldn't have been able to resist the phoenix call.

Harry could kill 1/2 of the dementors and return later.

Harry could pick them one by one, it's not like someone is counting. Could even be fun! He has an invisibility cloak and a phoenix. Quibbler Headline: Are Dementors Migrating or is it Cornelius Fuge's final step to secure his position as King of the Wizarding World?

Btw, didn't Flitwick give Harry his own charm, why wasn't it possible to capture Patronus in one of those, maybe multiple of them all over Azkaban...

#hpmor #dementors #thoughts

[hymnstoalienstars]

tldr; i have an issue with all female hpmor characters being obsessed w/ romance while male characters are not

The thing about HPMOR I hate is how it represents eleven-year-old girls. Young teenage girls in general, actually.

Based on my experience as an eleven-year-old girl and as someone who was friends with and observed young teens' behaviour at school, Yudkowsky gets it wrong. All his female characters are obsessed with love-relationship-etc. All his male characters are not. (Gross...)

Real-life girls do not give a fuck about love-relationship-etc at eleven. (*generalization, some might but it's rare)

Okay, girls raised in magical Britain might give a lot of fucks about marriage if it's the sort of society - and I don't think HPMOR is that kind of AU. Anyway, there's no reason Hermione should be obsessed with the idea of boyfriend!Harry, her brain is filled with a thousand other more interesting things!

Is it a change?.. Were eleven-year-old girls more pressured into romance twenty years ago than now? Sure but I just can't see why every single female character on hpmor has to be obsessed with romance while male characters' are not.

It's, honestly, just... cringe.

#sorry #i'm struggling #because i really want hpmor to be perfect #but why the hell is that book so weird? feminism? vegetarianism? #why did we hop over the actual problem of animal suffering and the ethics of eating animals? #like harry had never even had that thought? #hate when it happens #anyway #hpmor #thoughts #i really like being inside harry's head #i feel like i wouldn't be able to resist phoenix's call #can't you kill 1/2 of all dementors and then return? maybe use a time turner trick to check if you die? #so there would be only one stable loop #you can also kill dementors one by one! #it's not like someone has been counting!

[hymnstoalienstars]

Listen, I’m not thrilled about the idea of middle earth being over sexualised, I do not want to have this kind of prominent narrative in a tolkien-based tale. But the Amazon tolkien show could literally be the exact same kind of horny as Game of Thrones, tits out every other scene and Gil Galad having sex at his desk, and I would not care AT ALL so long as it made elven culture visually distinct from numenorean culture and gave a nuanced look at the complex politics of the times and distinguished between different elven origins and didn’t go for THE MOST boring interpretation of everything and made sure not all elves were white svelte generictallman and made Tar-Telperien wise and thoughtful and did not punish her for being ambitious. Like I cannot express to you how little I would care in comparison, I would stare directly at Elrond’s flaccid penis so long as the audio included a thoughtful discussion on the intricate struggles of an immortal and mortal race meeting on equal footing and coming to terms with their differences. 

[hymnstoalienstars]

thoughts after ep. 12 of Revolutionary Girl Utena

If I was in Utena's place, I'd stop interacting with Himemiya altogether, after telling her to live however she wants.

I'd still fight that Red Guy just because - what kind of revolution that... asshole can bring forth? surely nothing good.

But I'd be forever unsure of whether Himemiya acts on her own desires or not, how much she is lying to me, how much she is saying what she thinks I want to hear... and I would be extremely betrayed by her not standing up for herself, however self-centred it may sound.

Himemiya can figure life out on her own, she doesn't need to be led by another person's hand - be it Red Asshole's or Utena's.

#take in mind that i haven't watched if before #revolutionary girl utena #utena tenjou #anthy himemiya #swearing cw

[hymnstoalienstars]

How to help an ADHD partner. Some thoughts.

For fellow ADHD travelers, life can seem like a constant negotiation with oneself.  We know that voice in our head can be a huge dick, but we still can’t help but listen to it sometimes.  Why can’t I just keep a neat room? Why am I always searching for my damned wallet? We can successfully learn to redirect those feelings, but the fact is that the negotiation is part of who we are.  Add to the mix being in relationship with someone else, especially if that someone is not a fellow traveler–well, that can seem downright impossible at times.

There are materials out there for fellow travelers and their partners to look at to help deal with a variety of issues that can come up in an ADHD household.  Try this, this, or this for starters. What I thought I’d do in this post is just share an example of one situation and how my partner and I have handled it poorly, and what  it looks like when we do it well. The situation: The Messy House. This post is principally about ADHDers with partners who are not fellow travelers.

I’ve written before about how my first real recognition of the impact of ADHD on our lives as a couple came when I spent some time away from home for work and came back to an immaculate house.  “Is it all me?,” I asked, incredulous.  It was.

Since then, I have worked a lot on developing executive skills and being more mindful of keeping daily habits that keep our house from descending into chaos.  It still can happen, however, and how we deal with it has varied wildly.  When we are dysfunctional, it goes something like this: 

The living room is messy for a while, and my partner (of stoic Anglican stock), says nothing.  Later he’ll admit that he’s feeling disrespected, convinced I must think nothing of him if I can just leave things lying around as if I didn’t know that bothered him.  At some point he gets annoyed enough that, while I am watching television, he starts picking up around me.  I sense his annoyance, see what’s going on and in turn get annoyed that he didn’t just say something and instead stewed in the anger.  I say something snarky about it, he says something snarky back. We fight.

I hate it. We both do.

Recently, we’ve had a couple of interactions where both of us were a lot kinder with each other. The first one: I have a morning regimen that includes having all of the vitamin supplements and meds that I take on a counter in the kitchen.  It’s not a pretty sight, but it’s what reminds me to take them.  I noticed that my partner was rearranging them and I noticed this because there was a supplement I kept forgetting to take because he kept moving it.  I was annoyed because the little cluster of pills and supplements is actually not an example of ADHD chaos; it’s actually my way of being organized. I felt judged and annoyed.  

This time, however, I didn’t wait for a blow-up.  We were in the kitchen and I just said, “Hey, I notice you keep rearranging these. I know you’re just trying to keep things neat, but I have them there so that I remember to take them, and when you move them I forget to take them.  I’ve been feeling kind of triggered by it because I’m feeling judged.” I stated it as an observation and a request, not a fight, and he took it as such.

The following week I had to go out of town for work, and while I was away I received the text message I screen shotted above.  My room had gotten chaotic (I keep a separate room so that, even when there is chaos, it is mostly limited to that space). He offered to help picking up the room while I was away, but what I just loved about how he did it was that he included a reassurance that it was not bothering him, that he just had time and wanted to help.  

Some suggestions for non-ADHD partners wanting to work on functional problem-solving:

Understand that it is not about intentions. We are not doing these things to annoy you, we promise! You think we want to spend our lives searching for our wallets? When things become chaotic, we are not happy.

Understand that we spend a lot of times judging ourselves. The more judgmental you sound in your approach, the harder it will be to hear.

Just because something like a messy house comes naturally to an ADHDer does not mean you have to put up with it; it just means you have to, together, develop a language for dealing with your differences that leads to solutions, not fights. 

Sometimes we need help.  Don’t get cocky - you need help, too, just at other things.  Keeping a tidy kitchen may come more naturally to you, but with us you take more risks and – admit it– you can be amazed by our boundless energy, creativity and spontaneity! 

Fellow ADHD Travelers: How to be Helped, Some thoughts.

In my response to my partner’s text, I resisted the temptation to feel shame and accepted the help. I could do that because he was clear about his intentions.  That can be hard.  Here is a short list of things you might consider when it comes to your loved ones and your ADHD:

Know that some of the things about how our brains work really does annoy or inconvenience our loved ones

Knowing that does not have to mean feeling shame or despair; it simply means trying to understand their feelings from a place of empathy, the same empathy we need

Developing executive skills and habits is something we do for ourselves, but also something we can do for others.  

Talking about our issues with a partner is itself a skill to be practiced and developed.  In the example above about my pills, a previous version of me would have just snapped “Can you please not move my shit around?!” Taking the time to explain both the reality of the situation and how it made me feel had enormous payoff.

This constant negotiations with a partner just sounds exhausting, you might think. Is it any less exhausting than fighting all the time?  At least this kind of work leads to a better relationship!

Constant negotiation is something we as ADHD travelers are familiar with.  We are constantly doing it with ourselves. “No, actually, I am not a worthless piece of shit. My brain just happens to work this way. Shut up, Dick Voice.”

Accept help.  That is not because you are helpless and disabled. Your ADHD gives you some challenges but also presents you with some blessings.  You can accept help in the areas that challenge you just as you provide help to your partner in the challenges they have.  Maybe you help your partner be more spontaneous and creative.  Help is mutual and that is a good thing.

[hymnstoalienstars]

idk can we stop…treating a.ce disc.ourse like it’s some haha funney cringe compilation or whatever the fuck because it fucking destroyed the entire ace and aro communities. there is no solid aspec community on tumblr anymore (which was by far the biggest number of aspec ppl). exclusionists took our community and fucking smashed it to pieces and y'all treat it as this fucking stupid joke when they traumatized, gaslit, and abused an entire group of queer people back into the closet. fuck every single person who doesn’t take that seriously.

#asexual #asexuality #can i translate this to russian #a reminder to ask #later

[hymnstoalienstars]

(source)

[hymnstoalienstars]

#queerplatonic gwack rights

#yes please #i see queerplatonic i like it #but seriously #alloromantic&allosexual people being confused by queerplatonic attraction? #plus heteronormativity #interesting perspective

[hymnstoalienstars]

Time Lords are the reason why the Doctor Who universe is so rich in extraterrestrial life forms.

I was thinking about Doctor Who and alien civilizations and why there's plenty of aliens in their reality.

Their world is different because of at least one Time Lord. If not for the Doctor, humanity would have destroyed itself a hundred times over. They probably have done the same for other alien civilizations.

Time Lords are the reason why Doctor Who universe is so rich in extraterrestrial life forms.

...the Fermi Paradox, which refers to the high probability estimates for the existence of extraterrestrial intelligence (ETI) and the apparent lack of evidence. Seventy years later, we still haven’t answered that question, which has led to many theories as to why the “Great Silence” endures. A popular one is that there must be “Great Filter” that prevents life from reaching an advanced stage of development. (c) source

#*facepalms* #but why not #doctor who #fermi paradox #great filter #overthinking

[hymnstoalienstars]

[hymnstoalienstars]

Hm. Can a word be a slur in one country and not in another one?

Like квир - queer - had never been a slur in Russia and we appropriated it for ourselves from eng texts probably because we liked how it sounds. It has literally no negative connotations in Russian. No homophobe has ever shouted "Квир" at us at a metro station. It's way too advanced.)

We have plenty of our own slurs, and I've seen them being reclaimed.

Is квир a slur just because it originates from 'queer'?

Is it cultural appropriation?

some people on this site seem to have a really profound misunderstanding of what slurs are. like, you can’t “use a word as a slur.” it’s either always a slur or not a slur, and a slur is different from an insult.

for example- gay is not a slur, since it’s a term gay people chose for ourselves, but is frequently used as an insult because of homophobia. in contrast, dyke is a slur because it originated as a way to criticize stereotypical lesbians, then was later reclaimed by some wlw.

slurs cannot be universally reclaimed. a word does not go from a slur to “no longer a slur.” like that’s not how this works lol, and there will always be people who are uncomfortable with a slur you reclaim.

remember that your experiences are not universal- in many places, slurs like queer are still used and it’s incredibly disrespectful to those of us who’ve been called slurs you haven’t to say that they’re not slurs anymore.

#queer #квир #thoughs?

[hymnstoalienstars]

I agree with you, actually, from an external standpoint (writing the actual episodes, characters, lines, etc). They could probably do better.

He isn't completely bad, though. Makes you think. And he was created for the Miracle Day plot, his character was never the point, so little on-screen development makes sense.

'angelo is like italian ianto' isn't completely wrong but also angelo sucks ass compared to ianto

[hymnstoalienstars]

(Sorry, this got way too long...)

Hm. Ianto probably does have internalized biphobia (or creators do, seriously, why that dialogue with his sister...).

I think being gay not considered normal in Cardiff-2007 and being gay not considered normal in 1927 is very different. It was punishable by law then, for one thing. Not so much in Cardiff-2007.

Can I compare Cardiff-2007 and Russia, 2010th, homophobia-wise? Yes, a lot of people don't think it's normal. But LGBT people know it is. They know openly queer people. Information is available.

I think it's a difference between wanting to believe and knowing. There are gay bars in Cardiff and London - for god's sake, London, Ianto lived and worked there, he probably knew openly queer people, he probably saw queer couples kissing in the streets, going around openly holding hands and smiling.

It's very very different for Angelo. He doesn't know if it's ok.

It's probably like being asexual if you don't know the word... You know your experiences but you don't know if it's ok? is there smth wrong with you? hormones? or are you damaged? or?..

-

The torture is bad. Objectively. But that's probably not what Angelo intended at all. And he tried to help Jack after.

Can you imagine what's going on in the head of someone who believes another person is the Devil? And not like sexy bisexual club owner Lucifer either. I can't. I'm way too non-religious for that, way too 21st century.

Add to that the Devil is trying to damn your soul through fantastic sex and... It's practically 'Where do I sign' for anyone sex-favourable, amirite? (assuming the Devil can take a form you prefer, etc etc)

For Ianto, sex isn't a sin.

For Angelo... Hm. I'm not sure. It's 1927. Depends. Would someone from that background consider pre-marital sex a sin?..

I'd say that Ianto has no religious issues with homosexual sex whatsoever and his issues, if he has them, are connected to other things. I don't think Ianto thinks that God personally has any problem with his relationship with Jack.

-

This is waaaay too long.

'White' wasn't really on point... I was thinking more along that Angelo has to steal a visa from Jack and Ianto is Welsh & native. Nobody is kicking him out of Britain.

I think that having money and a good job means security. Did Angelo have the same level of security when he was with Jack? But it isn't important for the situation we are discussing, you are right.

(want to listen to blind summit... I've read the summary, it seems so interesting. I've only been through the 1st season so far.)

'angelo is like italian ianto' isn't completely wrong but also angelo sucks ass compared to ianto

#sorry #but i'm loving the discussion #i just hope you don't mind?

[hymnstoalienstars]

plus, access to education. Angelo lived in a small village in early 20th century, 200 people. Ianto is in a very different position.

[correction: Algelo thought that Jack was the Devil, not just a demon. Which is... Khm. Sort of flattering? but only because I'm looking through a very 21st century lens. See? Very different times.]

'angelo is like italian ianto' isn't completely wrong but also angelo sucks ass compared to ianto

#sorry #missed a very important bit #wanted to edit but wasn't sure

[hymnstoalienstars]

Angelo is from a different time though?

Ianto is in a much more privileged position, on all fronts, but especially information-wise. He knows that being attracted to men isn't a sin. He doesn't struggle with his own identity.

Faith? nowadays it's more belief in belief but for Angelo religion probably meant less abstract things. For Angelo, it was REAL that Jack might be a demon. That thought probably didn't even occure to Ianto, for him Jack being immortal in no way means that he is somehow morally corrupt or an evil being from hell personally here to damn him.

Ianto is white, he probably doesn't struggle with finding a job. If we take Big Finish as canon, he was Yvonne's PA. That probably means money.

'angelo is like italian ianto' isn't completely wrong but also angelo sucks ass compared to ianto

#doesn't mean that what Angelo did was ok #but #you know what i mean