i-am-my-own-type - Tumblr blog

i-am-my-own-type · 2 years

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can we like…get rid of the so-called leather and rubber “pride flags” ? it’s honestly ridiculous and offensive to the lgbtq community. those aren’t pride flags.

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i-am-my-own-type · 2 years

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Redditors crashed the website with donations over $25k and 0 wishes left. via /r/MadeMeSmile

Click here and follow to get more daily positivity on your dash!

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i-am-my-own-type · 3 years

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meirl

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i-am-my-own-type · 3 years

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so you think you can stone miette and spit in miette’s eye?? so you think you can love miette and leave miette to DIE?? oh mother!! can’t do this to me mother!!!

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i-am-my-own-type · 3 years

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i was supposed to go to bed an hour ago dont tell my mom

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i-am-my-own-type · 3 years

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57.4 atm

Haven't been counting in ages but kept using the scale to monitor it.

It turns out that my scale was in an uneven area. Now I can get constant reasonable data.

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i-am-my-own-type · 3 years

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2 months and I will be 55kg

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i-am-my-own-type · 3 years

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Why I ACTUALLY decided to loose weight

Hello everyone, I have something important to say.

When I first started this journey, I made a post titled “Why I want to loose weight.” Underneath it, I listen many reasons which at the time, I thoughts to be accurate however after much time and consideration, I have gained further insight.

My journey beggan during quarantine. Finally being able to eat whenever I want to was a pleasure my body yearned for. That isn’t to say that I was starving myself or eating too little. I was simply a sleep deprived, tired, stressed college student who woke up at 5am and got back home 12 hours later only to binge a days worth of food in minutes. Now that time was no longer a restrain on my eating habbits, I ate a days worth of food at every meal. My weight naturally beggan going up untill I stepped on the scale. It read 65.7kg. I was officially overweight.

I’m sure that I’m not the only one who experienced this. If you’re overweight, obese or just a bit bigger, then you have proably heard it as well. “You’re fat, loose some weight” Two statments made with profound confidence, almost as if they have made an observation no other human being has ever made before. Hearing that was as shocking as being told that grass is green.

I have always excused my weight by saying that I’m not overweight, because well for the most part I wasn’t. Yep, your girl is a sucker for being healthy and outliving her enemies rather than worshiping modern beauty standards. Thus when I realized that this was no longer the case, the panic do something monkey in my brain decided to get to work. At this point I already knew how to loose weight because I lost about 2kg before... and yes I did it because I went into the overweight range before.

Health was my main reason for weightloss.

I am already at a healthy weight.

However, I shall keep going. Why? Because this time I’m going all the way, I will not just loose weight but also change my habbits.

My desire to change my lifestyle doesn’t come from the societal pressure placed on us as people to “eat healthy.” It comes from me knowing the possitive impact that those life style changes had on me. Physically, mentally and in everyway possible I feel incredible. My life is so much more productive, I feel energetic and want to do things.

I shall not make any strict “don’t eat X” rules because well I love to spoil myself and frankly I do deserve to eat yummy delicious things. But after realizing how treat foods make me feel when compared to nurishing foods, I know that there is no point in overconsuming unhealthy foods. I might still have them from time to time but my desire to eat them went down by a lot.

And yes, before anyone asks, I do not smoke. I do not drink. I walk and try to be active. Healthy isn’t just limited to weight for me, I shall do all the other stuff that’s good for my human body in order to keep is as healthy as I can. And no, this isn’t coming from a place of hatret, this is being done out of love for myself. I’m gonna go to the middle point of the healthy weight range. At this point I know how to eat in order not to feel hungry while doing this. I eat high protein and fiber foods. I enjoy them and I can stop eating when I feel full. I know that there are a lot of negative sterotypes about weight loss so I’m going to make this really clear, I wouldn’t be doing this if it prevented me from having a good time. When I am hungry, I eat, when I want something sweet, I shall have it. I am a spoiler brat with some narcassistic tendencies so to me the idea of hating myself or not liking me is something I have little experience in. I’m just here to have a good time and I believe that we all deserve to live a good life.

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i-am-my-own-type · 3 years

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Stop

Do you ever feel like other people, (especially straight men) see you like a piece of meat?

Who you are as a human being, your beliefs and your contrubutions to sociey are not treated as the things that define you, instead it is your body. That’s all you are to them, you’re a body with parts that can give them pleasure.

I am not an object, start treating me like human being.

They slide into my DMs, I tell them that I’m gay but then they keep acting like I’m heterosexual and like I will fuck them/want to date them. Nothing I say matters as long as I have a “pussy.”

Like seriously, if I’m gonna have to press the block button so much, it might as well be a job because I have to do it so much and it’s a waste of my time plus it’s soul draining. A job will at lest compensate me for my time.

#and sometimes women #objecitfication #sexism #not all men #duh #although it's usually men that do this to me

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i-am-my-own-type · 3 years

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eating disorders need to be handled differently. Im going off, sorry in advance.

In high school, i was sat down with the rest of my health class, instructed by our gym teacher. This is where i had my “education” about eating disorders, though i was dealing with one secretly.

He talked about them as if they were a crime. He told us how to know if someone has an ed (they’ll wear baggy dark clothing, they’ll avoid food), and to tell on them. He told us it��s for women only. We made jokes about it. We had to watch a movie where a girl dies while having an ed and her best friend lives on feeling horrible about being her ed buddy while she was alive.

This movie was full of tips on how to hide an ed that i remember 7 years later. He must not have interpreted it that way.

I learned to be a better liar and i learned that people will hate me and pity me and find me revolting and call me ignorant and force feed me with a tube in a hospital if they ever found out.

So i kept quiet.

When i was 16 and my family found out i was purging, they sat me down intervention style and SCREAMED at me. My uncle, my aunt, and my grandmother all sat at a table and yelled at me about my biggest secret. They called me gross, immature, and compared me to my birth mother who struggled with the same thing.

They made me feel some of the most intense shame i’d ever felt. I felt stripped naked.

They took away my coping mechanisms (internet, tumblr account, certain TV shows, scale). They didn’t allow me to heal by choice or leave my coping mechanisms behind on my own because they thought my ed was a silly girl thing that I could quit whenever. But it wasn’t ever that simple.

Without my coping mechanisms, I turned to self harming.

To this day, the memory makes me shudder and reminds me to distrust them. They handled it horribly.

PEOPLE NEED TO STOP HANDLING THIS HORRIBLY. NOW.

The only thing that ended up helping was when i was forced to go to therapy. I was resistant at first. But my therapist was educated on the topic, took me seriously, and helped me handle my ed safely to slowly and comfortably to recover rather than shame me to shreds so i could stop being a nuisance.

Recovering took YEARS. It was not a simple decision like everyone told me it should be. But even with my current relapse, I know how to be safe about this and how to avoid hurting myself.

Here’s what i wished they told me in high school.

Eating disorders are treatable. You are not too far gone to try to get better.

Someones weight is not an indicator of whether or not they have an eating disorder. Anyone, regardless of size or shape or weight, can be dealing with an ed.

NEVER lower your goal weight.

Eating disorders will manipulate you. They are not funny, they are not cute, they are not just for girls: they can affect anyone and they want to hurt you. Eating disorders are not your friend, even though it will sometimes feel like it.

Bottom line: at the end of the day, there aren’t many endings to this aside from recovery or death.

Eating disorders can stem from other problems in a person’s life possibly regarding a lack of control, mental health issues, or other personal struggles that aren’t really centered around the way one looks. It is putting one “controllable” thing (your body) into your own hands and making it the center of your life so that the other uncontrollable problems don’t take up as much space in your head.

In other words, an eating disorder is typically a SYMPTOM of something else. Trying to “fix” someone by focusing on the eating disorder alone can just make the person turn to something else to cope (alcohol, drugs, impulsive buying, sex, anything addictive.) I turned to self harming.

Focusing on the ED alone is the equivalent of pulling weeds out, but leaving the roots.

You don’t have to drop your ED all at once! It can be slow. You may have relapses. But you can do it at a comfortable pace. As long as you recognize that you have to try eventually.

Having an eating disorder shouldn’t be such a shameful thing. No wonder people rarely try to get help on their own when it’s framed as a joke or when people can handle it so horribly.

It needs to stop.

We need knowledgeable people in schools teaching students these things so we can create more understanding eventual adults and overall, a less stigmatized culture.

UPDATE: i am not pro ana, so:

please stop asking me in the comments what the name of the movie was. I am just going to delete the comments asking and delete comments that mention the name of the movie. I don’t mean to be rude and i hope it doesn’t come off that way, I’m just doing the same thing i’d do if someone came into my inbox asking for ana tips. Even if that wasn’t the intention of the people who asked, i could see someone using the movie in that way and I’d hate to have enabled that.

Thanks.

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i-am-my-own-type · 4 years

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I’m going back to loosing weight

Ok so when college started I went off track and I had issues with figuring out how to diet while also going to college. However I have made a few realizations that I plan to impliment:

-When I wake up in the morning I don’t actually feel hungry.

-If I eat in the morning I end up feeling nauseous.

-Eating in the morning will lead me to go over my calorie count.

-Bringing snacks to school will make me more hungry even if they are healthy (e.g. apples)

-I often feel the need to eat right before my online classes start. This is not due to hunger but rather general anxiety and the anxiety of being hungry but being unable to eat. I feel this fear as if I am unable to eat in a timely manner my brain starts getting obssesed with the thought of food, when I start eating I might binge. I haven’t binged in a while.

-I am not at healthy weight but I still want to loose some more weight for a few reasons, those include apperance, the fact that it would be easy for me to go back to being overweight from where I am now. I also feel like I’m not finished yet.

-I still have to work on my relationship with food.

-I loose motivation and start feeling like this is pointless without the scale. I shall go back to weighing myself daily. No the number does not make me feel bad and overall I don’t obsess over it. Seeing the slight daily progress makes me happy and it makes me feel productive.

I’m now 60kg but I should go back to being under 60kg in a few days.

Thus I shall:

->not eat breakfast

->bring something to drink to college but not to bring snacks

->bring money in case I actually get hungry so that I can buy something to eat then

->Have ready to eat food in my room (out of sight) just in case I actually get hungry during my online classes.

->Keep going untill I feel that I am where I want to be.

->Keep doing the things I want that are good for me no matter what my weight is. Before I started this journey I always had thoughts like “I’m not allowed to wear” but starting this and getting more experimental with what I wear has made me feel more confident and comofrtable. Honestly if I didn’t start this journey, I don’t think that I would have ever tried to find my sense of identity. I am reclaiming it and I really hope that I get to know who I am.

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i-am-my-own-type · 4 years

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A random rant on gender I guess

I like myself but having boobs is weird. It’s not a big deal and it doesn’t bother me too much but whenever I see my reflection I just always end up thinking “why.” Why do I have them? Boobs are just so weird. They look odd on me.

I’m not trans or anything but I also don’t really care about gender when it comes to myself. I don’t get why society focuses on it so much. To me I’m simply me. I have a biological sex but that shouldn’t matter unless I’m having an appointment with the doctor. The world is weird. People often see other people but what they see are their bodies, we treat people diffrently based on what their bodies are like, consider diffrent things to be acceptable. We have diffrent expectations and “roles” for those with certain traits to fill in.

Through out the years I have changed a lot, I have lived in many diffrent places and met a lot of people. I can tell you that people will treat you very diffrently, not based on who you are but the traits they assign to you. You can control the way people preceive you with how you dress and act, your posture and apperance although that is limited. There are certain things you can’t do anything about and people will judge you for them, an example of this would be race or sexuality.

Some people will not consider who we are as the labels they have attached to us are all that matter to them. In that way they do not see who we trully are. They close their minds and treat us based on what they preceive us to.

I am biologically female, people, typically men see me as a sexual object. What I wear doesn’t matter as either way I have a body that is sexualized. I am expected to do certain things that aren’t expected of males because I’m female. this also goes the other way, males are expected to perform certain tasks and to act in a certain way because of their biological sex.

I won’t shame someone from breaking the norm and if you’re on tumblr I suppose you won’t either but there are people out there who will, people who are so disgusted by seeing those norms being broken even if breaking those norms is harmless. I remember going to church, I was sitting at the back of the car looking out of the window and seeing all the things we passed by. Along the way we passed a small college, the classes were over and the students were all walking home. One of the students could be described as a “man in a dress”, the way that this person presented themselves was that the way they dressed was in a way which people would expect of a “man”, short hair, no make up, sneakers, a backpack and so on except they decided to wear a dress. I can’t tell if they were non binary, trans or just casually breaking gender norms but either way they were doing whatever they wanted. Seeing that placed a smile on my face. While I found that to be great, my mums boyfriend didn’t and he made that very apparent to everyone sitting in that car. I don’t remember what exactly he said but it was along the lines of calling that person “disgusting.” What logic was there behind saying such a thing? That person was just living life, wearing an article of clothing and not doing anything bad.

This may have went a little of topic but I would just like to make a clarifying point so if anyone ever reads this they won’t get confused. Ok so basically me not liking my boobs isn’t because people sexualize me because of them. I’m not a fan of them in general. Idk what I want but smaller would defenitively be better.

#gender #thoughts #self image #bodies #apperance #clothes are clothes #i don't really believe in gender and see sex as something that should only matter when it comes to medical stuff but I understand that #almost literally everyone out there believes in gender #I'm not here to change that and I don't want anyone to misunderstand #If you have lables and want me to use them then let me know and I will use them when I'm talking to you/about you #we all have diffrent experiences and my experience doesn't diminish your experience #i hope that you do the same for me #maybe one day we will live in a society where we can all be us #While I don't believe in gender I do think that it serves a purpose in society #as a consept as it can be used to break the roles places on us based on out biological sex #in that way it's a coold idea #a tool of progress #however what matters is how we use it #I'm also not advocating for us to use female and male instead of man and woman #I personally find it odd that we refer to people based on their sex/gender #but that's life i guess #and people don't seem to have a problem with it #you do you #i shall do me #lets just respect each other and treat each other with kindness

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i-am-my-own-type · 4 years

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emmm go away stranger

Idk if it’s the weight loss or the blue hair but like people are beginning to notice me and frankly it’s not the type of attention I want.

So like first of all, last friday I was just chilling by myself (cuz I’m an antisocial weirdo) and some dumbass random human being I have never met sits down next to me, gets my attention and instructs me to take my earphones off. He then starts off by saying “so this may be a little weird but I have had a crush on you for a long time” like he thinks I’m dumb or something. First of all pranks like this are not cool, second of all I’m not an idiot. None of us have been to college for like at least 6 months. You don’t know me, I have no idea who you are and yes that was very weird. I think that the guy wanted the bench that I was sitting on but isntead of being straight up and asking me to move like a grown up adult he decided to play some kind of a childish prank. I legit got up, said bye and walked away cuz even if he was serious about that crap, while that wasn’t the nicest thing to do, he need to learn that you don’t just go up to some random stranger like that. If someone has an actual crush on someone then you start of with “hey, how are you.” A few days before that I was going to tesco to buy food cuz a bitch needs to eat. I was walking past a bunch of degenerate 12 year olds -I could tell cuz one of them threw an empty can onto the sidewalk when there was a bin 10 steps away from him. So i’m walking like a normal human being and this literal child starts saying “My friend said bla bla bla...” and then something about my ass. Child I am ltierally a grown up in baggy clothes and a leather jacket, you can’t even see how my ass looks like. Plus I’m white so I basically have next to no ass. Genetics. Like ok it exists but it’s hella small so like are you blind? Like I’m a bit chubby at the moment but I didn’t get this crap when I was overweight, not even when I was overweight and had blue hair. And before anyone here makes the assumption that they were serious about that crap please understand that no, it’s obvious that they weren’t. It was obviously just a case of “hey lets play this joke on this chubby girl.” Trust me, I know how teenagers work. In the 2nd story that dude was just trying to embarass his friend. In the first story the only logical reason for a stranger to come up to me and to say that crap is it being a prank. I have never spoked to that human being before. There is also possitive attention like “I like your hair” but like why couldn’t it be kept at this? I don’t mind stuff like this. When I was fat people just left me alone. Now I’m a bit chubby and almost there and I get crap like this. Like I’m gonna loose the few kg that I have left but why the hell can’t people just leave me alone? Like if not for health reason I would actually consider gaining the weight back so people leave me alone. Hopefully this was just a rare thing that won’t happen much int he future.

#blue hair #overweight #weight #lesbian #straight men please go away #bullying #but like gentle basic bullying #childish pranks?

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i-am-my-own-type · 4 years

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It's baggy, it's nearly hanging on me.

I'm finally at a healthy weight but I'm still not done. I want to loose more weight on certain areas. I'm not sure what I will do with my hands. They were always skinny and I don't want them to get too thin.

I'm about 58-59 kg ( I can't be sure cuz I'm on my period at the moment.) Progress is being made. I'm aiming for 55kg but I may go down to 50. I don't know yet. (I'm short so. 50kg is still within a healthy range for me.)

College is stressing me out so I increased my calorie limit from 1500 to 2000 on weekdays. I feel more hungry when I have school and I sleep less.

And 1600 on weekends. I'm still looking for a way to stay under 1800 on weekdays. I'm basically loosing weight but really slowly. Never going above my maintenance.

#me #prom dress #weight loss #before and after #lesbian #im gay #i like the ladies #no thank you to straigh men #i aint got anything against ya #but this is a me post for me #not for yall to advertise your willingness to pay £££

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i-am-my-own-type · 4 years

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My prom dress

I still remember prom dress shoping, it was so hard to find anything that fit me. It was even harder to find anything that looked good on me. We got a dress and it looked pretty alright on me I suppose.

My crush complimented me either way because she is a kind human being. Back then I bearly fit into that dress, I was nowhere near my heaviest back then. I ended up gaining enough weight not to be able to fit into it. The dress is baggy on me, if I were to wear it again I would have to get it re sized as it no longer holds all the right things in place. I am still not where I want to be but I made great progress that I can be proud of. When I get to where I want to be I will get that dress resized. I won’t have anywhere to wear it again but it’s sentimental, I might as well wear it from time to time when I’m at home while thinking about highschool. I’m finally starting to get over my crush but I do still think of her as a positive influence in my life. I hope that she is doing well. I was a mess back then in many ways. I am doing much better now and I hope to continue on that path in many aspects of life other than weight loss.

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i-am-my-own-type · 4 years

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I have a face, that's all I personally need. You do you stranger.

just once I want to see a good post critiquing makeup culture that doesn’t turn out to be made by some janky radfem blog

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i-am-my-own-type · 4 years

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started at: 65.7 kg (overweight)

Current weight: 58.9kg (healthy but look fat, BMI = 23)

Goal: 55kg.

Height: 160cm (I ain't gonna grow anymore which sucks)

I may go down to 50kg but I plan to stay within the healthy category.

I stopped counting calories, I do estimate in my head how many calories i am eating but I don't count them. I eat when I'm hungry and consume about 400-600 calories per meal. It's going well. At first my weight went up to 60kg :/ but then it started going down. I got 58.9kg today. I'm super happy about it.

I focus on eating healthy now though I did start eating badly recently. It's not supper bad but I haven't been cooking much. My portions are much better now.

I drink through out the whole day and I still walk. I started snacking but it's mainly on fruit.

I'm super happy about this.

#weight loss #diet #lifestyle change #calories #calorie count #health #kg #progress #self care

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