iamnotdoingokaysusan

[iamnotdoingokaysusan]

sorry that im human and am moved by beauty😞

[iamnotdoingokaysusan]

none of this is working none of this is worth it

#vent

[iamnotdoingokaysusan]

#:(

[iamnotdoingokaysusan]

[iamnotdoingokaysusan]

unending suffering

#suffertag

[iamnotdoingokaysusan]

#glass animals

[iamnotdoingokaysusan]

damn I deleted my vent twt for overventing so it's time to turn this archive back into a hell scape

#moon

[iamnotdoingokaysusan]

#fp

[iamnotdoingokaysusan]

[iamnotdoingokaysusan]

[iamnotdoingokaysusan]

[iamnotdoingokaysusan]

[iamnotdoingokaysusan]

y’know what? I kind of like the phrase “living with autism”. Why? Because it makes it seem like autism is a good buddy who is like a room mate, you’re best friends - almost like twins - and spend every day together. Autism is a friend, not a burden :)

#cute

[iamnotdoingokaysusan]

Relationships with toxic parents be like............ I miss you. I can't stand you. Why did you stop loving me? Did you ever start? I want to forgive you. I don't. I can't. Hold me. Don't touch me. Why won't you look at me? I never want to see you again. I inherited your smile. I inherited your pain. Are you proud of me? I don't care what you think. I want to cry in your arms. I'm scared of you. I won. I lost so much. I don't want you in my life. Can we try again? You are nothing to me. You were everything to me. I loved you. I hate you. Love me. Love me. Love me.

[iamnotdoingokaysusan]

i miss drinking a lottt, i feel so bored all the time :( i was considering taking a break from smoking weed but if Im not drinking I don't think that's smart.

i need to do more things and not run away from my thoughts. idk. it feels so nice to feel numb.

#vent #ugh #i cant velieve its 7:09am

[iamnotdoingokaysusan]

some people really will say some doctors use words " nonverbal episode " , therefore that is right thing to do and anyone in community who say " please give that word back , hurt community when use this way " is actually wrong ...

... meanwhile doctors still give diagnoses like " oppositional defiant disorder " ( doctor speak : horrible bad person who need lock up ) and " narcissistic personality disorder " ( doctor speak : horrible bad person who need lock up ) and call anything " unidentifiable " as fake ...

know what ? think maybe doctors not always right ! think maybe if actual community who impact say something is wrong and hurtful , should listen those people instead .

is not always clean clear answer even then , but in this case ? really clear . nonverbal people here ask for years now , and people make lists with other words can use instead . sometimes even more specific words than nonverbal that actually say what problem is !

[iamnotdoingokaysusan]

omg that's so wild we're married now and I literally clean and cook to de-stress if only you could see me now past me ily

being in a relationship with my boyfriend for 7 months has raised me/taught me more life skills than either of my parents have in 23 years...

Cleaning doesn't have to be a stressful awful horrible task that means infinite screaming??

Cooking is not a burden but a loving therapeutic activity that produces a lovely meal for your loved ones? tf?

#life comes at you fast #fp #executive dysfunction