i h8 myself
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Hey guys ik i was off these days but im gonna tell what happened. Monday i had an OD, i took a lot of pills went to the hospital and i just had a bad stomachache, today i have an appointment to see if im gonna keep going with my antidepressants or if have to change... Anyway im gonna try to be more active.
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( 06/0402021 ) 10:47 am
yesterday i started with the antidepressants they gave me a lot of side effects yesterday but today im better, they will take a while to work so i keep feeling sad and empty all the time and im literally getting tired, i try to be happy but i just cant... i really dont know if im gonna make it聽through that sh!t.
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( 05/30/2021 ) 7:19 pm
Well i tried to k111 myself again... I was trying to stab ( yes again, don't judge me lol ) myself but believe me you need to put a lot of strength so didn't work, my parents just got home from a barbecue and they literally went to bed bc probably they drank a little too much so they actually will not know that if i k111 myself until next morning so... But don't worry su!c!d3 is so hard... Still thinking about OD though.
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( 05/27/2021 ) 11:55 pm
So my mom said to me today that she maybe will not allow me to take meds bc they are strong, she thinks im doing fine but if she knew that i feel sad every day for no reason that i sh myself and that i wish i was dead she was gonna think different...
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( 05/27/2021 ) 7:27 pm
I just came back from my psychologist appointment and she'll send me to the psychiatrist bc i need to take meds like antidepressants...
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( 05/27/2021 ) 1:04 pm
Sorry for the disappearance, these days that i was out was "normal" i had good days and bad days, most of the time bad days. Today my mom asked me if i was okay, and i was like sure mom im fine, but the truth is im not, i still feel sad for no reason, feel an emptiness, self harm and the suicidal thoughts don't go away. Last psychologist appointment that a had she told me to try to have good thoughts, that I'll have many happy moments in my life but im so tired, im tired to keep feeling like this everyday for no reason... Today i have a new appointment i always tell the truth bc i want to get better, but nothing never changes.
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( 05/18/2021 ) 2:48 pm
So my psychologist appointment is today, im kinda nervous bc my mom said that the doctor said that as its my first time my mom has to be in the clinic with me and like i try to hide from her my feelings and now she's going to now that i just wanna die...
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( 05/17/2021 ) 10:06 am
The thoughts are stronger ( more than last time ), yesterday i almost k1ll3d myself, i got a knife and keep it on my belly thinking if i should or not, and then you ask me: why did you don't do it? The answer is: i don't know, i don't have reasons to be here anymore so why i just don't give up?!
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( 05/15/2021 ) 9:53 am
I know that i didn't post yesterday but i was like felling no inspiration but i realize that i don't need inspiration i just write my feelings and what's happening in my life. So yesterday i sh twice and have a lot of sui thoughts, was not a good day ( i don't even have good days anymore lol ). Good morning everyone!
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( 05/13/2021 ) 8:25 pm
The day went "well" i mean almost the whole day i was distracted with something but now everything came back to "normal". No, i didn't went to the psychologist im gonna have to wait, i was used to hope that the next would be better but i kinda of lost that hope, i mean i do want that the next be better but i know is going to be the same...
Crying times: ||||
Sh: |
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( 05/13/2021 ) 3:32 pm
I had reached 1 day without sh and i screwed again... I feel like i HAVE to do it everyday, i was feeling fine but then i realized that i was not feeling fine i was just distracted, everything that makes me distract of my life is good, but when i "come back" to the reality... I just sh myself again and i don't think my psychologist appointment is going to be today bc it's full , and it's fucked up bc i do know that i need help and this help never arrive so everyday i get worse, i told my mom that i was getting worse everyday and she was like: " no you aren't, you're fine". I can't do this anymore every day is the same thing: wake up fine, life hits, feel depressed, suicidal thoughts, sh, felling sad or empty... I'm so fucking tired.
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( 13/05/2021 ) 10:00 am
I just wake up and it's crazy how you wake up like felling fine but then your life hits you and everything come back to normal. Today MAYBE is gonna be my psychologist appointment at the same time that i want it i don't... I'll keep you guys updated.
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( 12/05/2021 ) 6:28 pm
My psychology appointment wasn't today so that means that is going to be PROBABLY tomorrow ( im not sure ) the sui thoughts don't stop like they don't and this felling that hurts me everyday, im tired...
Sh times: 馃獟
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( 12/05/2021 ) 2:22 pm
I just sh myself bc i wanted to kms, i went to look for paracetamol but i just have 3 and i wanted more, with 3 you don't die, then i thought about cut my wrist but i already did it once and i still alive so... I went to sh for this thoughts go away but they don't, they stay, i wanna kms so badly omg...
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( 12/05/21 ) 10:22 am
So i know i didn't post a lot yesterday, but i'll go to a psychologist today or tomorrow ( when they have a spot for me ) im a little nervous. So how am i feeling: numb, empty ( nothing new ) my mom and my dad went to work that means that im alone, but don't worry im not gonna try anything ( im used to this su!c!de thoughts ) but i don't promise that im not gonna sh myself... Anyway the week keeping going and everyday i feel more empty, the sui thoughts are getting stronger and the sh is becoming a daily thing ( i think already is ).
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( 11/05/2021 ) 5:55 pm
So i just came to say hi!
Mood: same as everyday
So im going to the psychologist tomorrow or after tomorrow, my mom told me that in the first appointment she has to stay in the room but on the second i can be alone, tbh im scared bc if i do have some mental illness im kinda of screwed and if i dont so what do i have?! Fuck...
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