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idunnoknowwhattodohere · 10 months

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So you’ve had fun Goncharov posting and now you actually want it to be real

(Disclaimer that this is my own opinion based on the vibes I get from Goncharov and you might not necessarily agree with me. Also blanket content warning most of these work deal heavily with domestic abuse, violence, racism, and sexual assualt)

1. The Godfather Part 1 and 2- as far as I can tell this is where most of the Goncharov gifsets come from. This is one of those movies people constantly tell you is amazing and when you finally sit down and watch you get upset bc they were right. They’re regarded as some of the best and most important movies in the film canon for a reason. Mafia movies about the corruption of the soul, inescapable cycles, being doomed by The Narrative™ and of course young hot and sexy Al Pacino and Robert De Niro.

2. House of Leaves- for people who enjoy the interpretation of a nonexistent work part of Goncharov, House of Leaves is partly a horror story about a house that bigger on the inside, partly an academic analysis of the nonexistent record of that horror, partly the story of a man’s psychological unraveling, partly a critique of cold academic analysis, and partly a love story. If your favorite part of Goncharov was the metanalysis of a work that doesn’t exist and trying to fit all the pieces together this ones for you.

3. The Handmaiden- for all the people who love Katya and Sofia, two women stuck in their place in the world, who love each other but end up betraying each other. The Handmaiden is psychological thriller about a Korean pickpocket who is sent to con a Japanese noblewoman out of her fortune. Deals heavily with themes of deceit, betrayal, queer love, imperialism, and a woman’s place in a world controlled by men. My favorite movie of all time, highly recommend.

4. Black Sails- truthfully only tangentially similar vibe-wise to Goncharov but as a black sails blog the mutuals would have my head if I didn’t include it on this list and trust me the Goncharov to Black Sails pipeline is very real. Fans of clock symbolism and being being trapped by The Narrative™ will greatly enjoy this one. also that Katya/Sofia and Eleanor/Max/Anne parallels are real and I can prove it and don’t get me started on the Silver and Andrey parallels.

5. Bound (1996)- another one for the Katya/Sofia girlies out there. Two women hatch a plot to steal millions from the mafia, but will they make it out alive? Great style and cinematography and much more punchy and action heavy than the the rest of these. Its a very good modern film noir and the first feature film directed by the Wachowski sisters. Also a much shorter movie (1 hour and 48 minutes) if longer runtimes aren’t your thing.

Honorable Mentions

1. Goodfellas- I personally haven’t seen Goodfellas yet so can’t really give my opinion on it however if you actually want a mafia movie directed by Martin Scorsese starring Robert De Niro here’s one you can actually watch. My friend Angel says this ones really good and I trust their opinion

2. War and Peace 1966-67- again I haven’t seen this one but my friend Bianca really liked this one and tells me whenever she pictures Goncharov she imagines this. From what I gather people who are interested in how soviet history affected the art of the time and enjoy complicated relationship drama will enjoy this one. Also if you’re into very long media this one is split into 4 parts and clocks in at a crisp 7 hours.

If anyone has other suggestions let me know! I love getting recommendations :)

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idunnoknowwhattodohere · 10 months

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❤️‍🔥 MY SAPPHIC LESBIAN TV/MOVIE REVIEWS ❤️‍🔥*

*Also contains my takes on various lesbian/sapphic representation - so really my takes on anything that has sapphics in it

DEBS

The ultimate sapphic spy movie experience with a budget that was probably so small I bet you couldn’t see it with a microscope. BUT IS IT GOOD? YES IT IS. This is An annual rewatch. A gem. Lucy diamond literally leaving diamonds everywhere to make her exit more dramatic is lesbian icon behavior. I LOVE THIS MOVIE

Imagine me & you

This movie is far from perfect like it centers around a marriage to a man (can we keep the cis men out of sapphic movies please?) BUT this movie was so fun and stupid and Wanker number 9 is so random and funny idk where they came up with that. Is the chemistry the best? Nope. Are the actresses hot? Yes. So Overall - yes I like this movie but NO it is not perfect

Handmaiden

UGH Look i actually like this movie. Its beautiful, the characters are well fleshed out, they fuck all the men over at the end — fun stuff. BUT certain sex scenes are very male gaze-y which yes i guess technically means that our lesbian couple is being fetishised. However the chemistry is GOOD I mean all those longing looks and the scenes 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍��️😳😳😳 this may be directed by a het CISMAN but this lesbian STILL ENJOYED so…9/10.

Pitch perfect

BOOOOO. This goes on the list of media that fucked me up as a kid. I mean - did we HAVE to include the predatory lesbian trope? Did we? Fuck you. There is a scene where the lesbian literally sexually assaults a straight character and it’s just so not okay and so harmful. That being said, I actually really like pitch perfect I have all the songs on my Spotify. That blonde chick munting at the crowd will never not be funny. But yes very shitty lesbian rep (ALSO fat Amy was done so dirty but that’s fat rep and that’s another list)

Also SIDE NOTE anyone else feel a gay energy between Becca and Britney snow? Definitely was not on purpose I reckon but hey it’s something

The wilds

First of all I really like the show itself (ITS BEEN CANCELLED BTW AND IM STILL MAD) but let’s talk abt the lesbians toni and Shelby who are Superior In every conceivable way. I mean Toni quite literally owns my ass. I want to be her and I want to be with her ITS WILD. The way they are represented is Just so good. So GOOD. Shelby - her story touched me I related to how she hid and the shame she experience and the playing it straight like I have BEEN THERE. Toni - the rage and the way she is…amazing. And I also saw myself in her and the way she acted and dressed the things she said!! And specifically how she wasn’t fem and she wasn’t masc she was in between LIKE THATS MEEE you don’t see that a lot in terms of lesbian rep I feel. Overall their romaaaance was Beautiful and the chemistry was up to the high heavens PLSSSSS Obsession. Like it wasn’t just two conventionally attracted actresses making out (like as much as I love DEBS and imagine me and you that was slightly the vibe) rather here it was two characters who had their own stories and distinct personalities and they meshed so well - 100000/10 (also the show itself is amazing the cast is unbelievable the plot is A+ if you like survival thriller character driven plots you’ll like this)

🤮Friends🤮

Another one that traumatized me as a kid! Watch as evil Susan steals Ross’ good straight wife carol and turns her gay with her evil lesbian witch powers! They even steal his baby later on! Bitchy mean and vindictive Susan is every straight mens worst nightmare. You want some deep insight into a woman’s journey finding out abt her sexuality divorcing her shit husband and finally finding love? Well you won’t find it here! (Also could write a whole essay abt the criminal representation of chandlers trans mum but that’s a whole other thing🥲)

🤮Euphoria🤮

WOW ur really going to have a queer couple and then Insert a MAN in there - Fuck u

Heartbreak high

I like this show so far! Haven’t finished but eeeeeeh I fucking love our adorable baby lesbian quinni bless her. Also the drama on this show is delightful but we shall seeee

Yellow jackets

Yes it’s orange I can’t make it yellow for some reason BUT ANYWHO this show is BONKERS they crash in the middle of nowhere and shit. Goes. Down. We are talking cults, murder, wolf attacks, questionable diets - it’s a lot. Also this has Christina Ricci in it so that in itself makes yellow jackets a winner tbh. Also there ARE lesbians obvs not a romance centric plot though. But the cast is majority non men which is a win in my books. The show itself is a ride and I really enjoyed it! Kinda horror thriller mystery survival aesthetic if ur into that. Personally I’m a huge Alone fan so obvs into anything set in the wilderness. Cant wait for the next seasonnnn

⚾️A league of their own ⚾️

I mean. What is there to say. Seriously? Its absolutely perfect. One of the greatest if not THE greatest lesbian/ sapphic representations I’ve ever seen. We have baseball, the 40s, hilariousness, butch, femme, bi, lesbian, trans, emotional roller coasters, friendship, depictions of homophobia and racism and misogyny and I have no clue how this show exists but there it is if ur a gay bitch you’ve probs seen it and if you haven’t??? What are you doing??? Infinity/10.

Heartstopper

I mean idk I just think this isn’t my kind of thing! It felt kind of fan fiction esque to me and way too cutesy FOR MY TASTE but having said that I think it’s great we have some queer rep that literal kids can consume because it’s so squeaky clean ! The lesbians were cute? But I did stop watching it was just too sugary eeek kinda wish the show was about tao and Elle instead of nick and Charlie AHHAHA

PRIDE

I loveLOVE this movie!!!! So underrated!!!! It’s a British movie about the unlikely alliance between the miners and queer people during the 80s and it’s just a great movie about community and it’s super heartwarming! Contains vegan granola lesbians 🥑

Oceans 8

What do u mean this isn’t a sapphic movie? No No go watch it again. Pay close attention to the way cate looks into sandra’s eyes. See that longing? Feel that sexual tension? Exactly.

Also I’ve watched this like 20 times I’m pretty certain it’s the only good heist movie there is full fucking stop.

Unpregnant

GREAT MOVIE so funny despite some heavy subject matter - after a teenager finds out she’s pregnant she has to road trip with her (ex) best friend across state borders for the abortion. Basically a movie about friendship and a commentary about the absolutely fucked abortion laws in America. BUT SERIOUSLY this movie is actually hilarious the two actresses have amazing chemistry and one of them is gayyyy and she’s super dorky and just an icon tbh and! She meets a hot lesbian and they have a thing it’s cute! 10/10

Mean girls

Yet another movie that traummmmaaatised me as a kid! Idk what it was about Regina saying the word “lesbian” in that disgusted voice but IM SURE it was one of the contributing factors to my long stay in the closet. The way being called a lesbian was the worst most traumatizing life ruining thing that could happen to Janice…it just planted some bad ideas in my head I reckon. BUT I think as an adult when I watch mean girls I can’t help but feel that Regina is coded to be a lesbian - I mean she doesn’t give af abt her boyfriends and literally ends up being a hockey player at the end of the move…whats more gay girl then that? Also spreading rumors abt Janice being a lesbian could have been a way of diverting attention from herself. Was Regina into Katie? Was she into Janice? Maybe? However these are all my own personal theories so as it stands I view this movie as a terrible harmful insertion of lesbianism in media full stop

🗡Bodies Bodies Bodies 🗡

So when the movie opened with the two lesbian characters making out I was immediately thrown into a state of suspicion - to be honest I’m still not certain why the movie opens like this - however as the scene progressed I found myself not too mad at it. the tone of it was not exploitative? Not objectifying? I think when there is a woman behind the camera picking the shots and the angles the whole gaze changes in a way that’s very obvious if you are a queer woman and used to seeing yourself fetishized to the max. The queerness in this movie is very casual - you could swap out the couple and make them hetero and it wouldn’t really change the plot of the movie. Not having to deal with a central hetero romance but also not having the plot/dialogue point out the gayness constantly is very refreshing! The make out scene at the start is interesting in the sense that I could imagine a some man watching it and being gross abt it but that not the fault of the actors or the director - that’s just bc the man’s gross. Anyways- the movie itself is fun! I really like the way it created satire abt the culture and It was super funny at times. I also really enjoyed the styling and the dialogue

CAROL

I finally watched carol aaand I mean okay - it’s cate blanchett - I’m not going to sit here and pretend i DIDNT have a good time seeing her beautiful visage grace my laptop screen. She shows up in a movie and automatically +10 points. However idkkkk I mean it was a good start but then all the drama with the child and the husband happened and I just don’t have the patience 🫣🫣 and personally, I do not watch a lesbian movie for an hour of glances and shoulder touching…poor carol had to massage rooney maras shoulders for an hour until we got to what was supposed to be the good stuff but again mmmmm that sex scene to me felt so so. The heat was not hot enough. Tepid at best. The str8 actresses did not convince me. But overall I think it’s some peoples thing - not mine. I respect it/10

Zero motivation

*(You won’t know/won’t want to watch this movie for various reasons but I think my rant applies to other similar media so Thats why this is here)*

Random addition and no one will know this movie unless you are from the country BUT this is a classic case of heterosexually being forced onto characters that are so obviously in love with each other. If you change Zohar and Duffy to be a boy and girl IT WOULD BE ROMANTIC !!! And to mention something that even less people will know about lol there is a musical of this movie and there’s a literal love song between these characters AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY CALLED IT? SISTER. They called it sister. That’s how desperate they were to cover the lesbian energy. Because if you didn’t call the song “sister” it would be a fucking love song. If the creators of this movie didn’t want it to be so gay then they shouldn’t have made it SO GAY. Also I find Zohar’s heterosexually motivated actions in the movie to be really random and they just don’t fit in with her characterization. I think they just wanted to de-gay her. But that’s a conspiracy theory so 🤷‍♀️ anyways I guess my point is just let them be sapphic PLEASE

Also side note I wish there was a Version of this movie that was in a fantasy context because it’s actually one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen and offers some good perspective about being a woman in the army, sexism in the military and attitudes of young people who are conscripted 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

+ special NON sapphic mention also under category of they should have just made them gay; BLADES OF GLORY. It’s a perfect movie and I actually do think the hetero plot line fits the story BUT I just wish they would have made them gay…they allude to it SO MANY TIMES I feel like the writers wanted to make jimmy and Chaz a couple lol

Wednesday

Haven’t finished this but Sm tells me (maybe that blonde girls lesbians flag outfits) I’m going to have a lot to say

Update - couldn’t get into this. Felt too riverdale- esque and I’m really more of an Addams family values Addams family kind of girl. Also I need to do some more research but were they queer baiting? Hmm

Everything everywhere all at once

This movie was NUTS but in a way that I really enjoyed!!!! It’s so interesting that originally they were going to cast a dude to play Evelyn’s character!! Glad they didn’t do that and also that they didn’t cast Awkwafina like we really dodged a couple of bullets lol OKAY so the daughter is a lesbian and also a colorful fashionable nihilistic maniac which is super fun and relatable - the girlfriend and her are super cute and I literally found no issue with how they were presented. Also did I sense some internalized biphobia from Evelyn??? I think I did!!! One of those movies I was surprised was directed and written by cis men hahah I REALLY ENJOYED THIS even tho tbh I’m still not sure what it all means but I did cry so

🍄LAST OF US🍄

I never played the game and I had no clue what I was getting into when I started watching this BUT SURPRISE THE MAIN CHARACTER IS A LESBIAN!!!! Lets address the icon in the room - Bella Ramsey. I don’t know much abt acting but I know that Bella is an absolutely master. The way they depict this character is hilarious heartbreaking and just all around perfect !!!!!!!! They also do a phenomenal job conveying what it’s like being a lesbian - I can’t really describe it but the way they present themselves is just spot on. Especially the episode with Riley!!!! That hit so hard. The glances. The longing. YUP. The show itself is also really good but it’s Bella Ramsey who makes it a 1000/10 full stop.

👉 fingersmith 👈

First of all I have the attention span a bitch with severe adhd which I in fact am so I did NOT finish this because too many things were happening and I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF THE LESBIANS LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. Spoilers: they DID!!! The fact that I didn’t finish this tho does not mean this is bad by any means!!! It’s just very low budget and from the old timey days of 2005. But the two main leads are VERY NICE together great chemistry and yeah you can tell this was directed by a woman. If anything every sapphic should watch this so they can compare it to the handmaiden - one is a movie obviously directly by a woman the other obviously directed by a man. Handmaiden may be my problematic fave but some of those sex scenes are felonies- men need to stay away from lesbian intimacy. Also the treatment of creepy con man dude in the fingersmith is way more on the nose about how rapey he is !! & I feel like both women have more agency in the fingersmith somehow idk to sum up I wish the handmaiden wasn’t so male gazey and I wish fingersmith had the pacing/ pazazz of the handmaiden. If these movies had a baby it would be perfect.

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