iislex

[iislex]

“You have to remember that I’ve been lonely for a long time. Loneliness is like ice. After you’ve been lonely long enough you don’t realize you’re cold, but you are … I don’t know, maybe at the center of me there’s some ice that never will melt, maybe it’s just been there too long. But you mustn’t worry. You didn’t put it there.”

— Larry McMurtry, from the novel The Last Picture Show (Dial Press, 1966)

[iislex]

Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

[iislex]

TW !

I wish I could swallow my own existence: a full corse meal starting with loneliness.

Maybe if I understood my essence; I’ll get to extract the best of me ?

The origin of this universe or one of its lost stars, A dead parent ? One that is too far.

Cooking barbaric act, no, animalistic art.

Not trying to feed. trying to flee, not to be fed on.

grill slices of my heart, add a tea spoon of discomfort a base to a new family.

Two Kids from under their bed, roots to an endless regret

All in one pot, boiling and boiling and boiling... Until there is nothing left. I have nothing more to give.

Choke on gas, carbon monoxide.

This is missing with my head…

The Devil in me is trying to wake me from my stupor

“Gotta wake up” the singer keeps on repeating

Gotta wake up, gotta wake up. Gotta wake up, gotta wake up. Gotta wake up, come back to life..

I don’t want to want to end up With my head in my oven…

Now, I’m thinking about how I have to create an opposite to all that I want.

An antidote ?

I Never understood the generalized role that i got.

Thought i was only the narrator i had another life away from the main story… One that i didn’t have to share. I’m too awkward to play the lead I only want to be me.

•••

•Quotes: Sylvia Plath/Sylvia Plath/Sylvia Plath/Melissa Broder/ Halsey/ jenny slate/Anne Carson/Haruki Murakami/

•Original context: Sinligh

•Art reference:

1. Art by Karen Offutt, 1967. 2. "'Vangelis Kyris, "Slave" from Sins (2005). 3. Photo by mario leko on flickr. 4.Feed me a stray cat. Mike Teirlinck.

[iislex]

we diagnose you with a creeping sense of alienation forever. incurable

[iislex]

The world is entire, and I am outside of it, crying …  —

katrien de blauwer  /  edith sitwell  /  e. m. forster  /  anaïs nin  /  virginia woolf  /  h. g. wells

[iislex]

[iislex]

“My world falls apart, crumbles, “The centre cannot hold.” There is no integrating force, only the naked fear, the urge of self-preservation. I am afraid. I am not solid, but hollow. I feel behind my eyes a numb, paralysed cavern, a pit of hell, a mimicking nothingness. I never thought. I never wrote, I never suffered. I want to kill myself, to escape from responsibility, to crawl back abjectly into the womb. I do not know who I am, where I am going—and I am the one who has to decide the answers to these hideous questions. I long for a noble escape from freedom—I am weak, tired, in revolt from the strong constructive humanitarian faith which presupposes a healthy, active intellect and will. There is nowhere to go.”

—Sylvia Plath

#sylvia plath

[iislex]

"Am I living half alive? I am so tired..."

—Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

#sylvia plath #literature quotes #words #book and literature #lit

[iislex]

"I will bear the unbearable, terrible triteness of being"

Gang of Youths, The Deepest Sighs, the Frankest Shadows

#gang of youths #books and literature #lit

[iislex]

"I have the choice of being constantly active and happy or introspectively passive and sad. Or I can go mad by ricocheting in between."

—Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

#sylvia plath #literature quotes #words #books and literature #lit

[iislex]

"I wish I knew what to do with my life, what to do with my heart…I do nothing all day, boredom settles in, I look at the sky so I get to feel even smaller than I already feel and my mind keeps poisoning itself uselessly."

—Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

#sylvia plath #literature #words #books and literature #lit

[iislex]

"The whole time I’ve been here I’ve longed unconsciously—and at times consciously—for trust, love and physical affection. This longing may change in intensity, but it’s always there."

—Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl

Painting: Michelangelo, The Creation of Adam

#longing #anne frank #books and literature #lit

[iislex]

"I’m surprised at my childish innocence. Deep down I know I could never be that innocent again, however much I’d like to be."

—Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl

#anne frank #words

[iislex]

"People label themselves with all sorts of adjectives. I can only pronounce myself as 'nauseatingly miserable beyond repair'."

—Franz Kafka, Diaries, 1910-1923

#franz kafka #tonight i feel like kafka #kafkaesque #kafka my beloved

[iislex]

Because I was born to be the other woman.

Who belonged to no one, who belonged to everyone.

Who had nothing, who wanted everything, with a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn't even talk about it, and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me.

—

Every night I used to pray that I'd find my people, and finally I did on the open road.

We had nothing to lose, nothing to gain, nothing we desired anymore, except to make our lives into a work of art.

Lana Del Rey, Ride [Monologue]

#lana del rey #poetry

[iislex]

Since I cannot kill myself, then I should live. Live as if tomorrow will be the end, but slowly and softly like the decay of a leaf, as it were the rotting of these inconsolable corpses. Live, then, live. Live, if not for myself then for the dead.

[iislex]

"Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I've taken for granted."

— Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

#sylvia plath