imladris-soldier

[imladris-soldier]

“Nobody’s going to want to sit on high-speed rail for fifteen hours to get from New York City to LA.”

Me. I will sit on high-speed rail for fifteen hours. I’ll sit on it for days. I’ll write and read and nap and eat and then do it all over again. I’ll stare out the windows and see America from ground level and not have to drive. I’ll see the Rockies and the deserts and cornfields and the Mississippi River and your house and yours and yours too. I’ll make up stories in my head about the small towns I see as we go along. I’ll see the states I’ve yet to see because driving or flying there is a fucking slog and expensive to boot. I’ll enjoy the ride as much as the destination. And then I’ll do it all over again to come the fuck home.

[imladris-soldier]

Mystra

#mystra can still catch these hands #but the art is so gooooood

[imladris-soldier]

[imladris-soldier]

This is going to be weird, and literally no one asked for any of this.

But this post is for me, to be honest.  If you need to unfollow me because of it, that is fine.  I am so far past the point of caring about follower counts.

I am so angry at myself.  So incredibly, pissing fire mad.  It is not a new feeling.  I have been having it in varying degrees since last October.

I am angry because whenever I see someone request gif or art ideas, my mind still immediately goes to one person.  And then I remember he is not there.  And then I remember what he did.  And then I think about how much better off we are now.  And THEN I think about how I missed so many signs.  How I was his number one advocate.  How I encouraged his behavior and stroked his ego.

And I get angrier.

Just when I think I have reached acceptance, I will remember that I cannot wear my ugly sweater, or make Edgar jokes, or mention anyone being Still In The Air.  And when I do remember, I feel a quick stab of sadness.  And then I am back to being angry at me for my being sad.  For my choices and my behavior, my loyalty and devotion.  Angry that I thought it was so important. That I thought it was just fun, when in reality, people were getting hurt.

I am angry at how I did not see just how toxic he was in content.  How I agreed with him in all the fucking stupid needless arguments that he always started.  Angry that, after all my posts and energy and hero worship, I am happy he is gone.  I am angry that I only now realize how much better the content is without him, how much happier the others seem.

He was poison.  And I am so ANGRY that I did not see that.  I should have, and I am sorry that I didn’t.

#i know this post is old #i know this whole fucking issue is old #but I've been revisiting the damage he did and trying to heal further #and this still feels true to me #it still. fucking. hurts. #and im pissed i didn't see him for what he is #im pissed that i can't shake him #that sometimes he still shows up in my dreams to fuck with me #go. the fuck. away.

[imladris-soldier]

Oh, Jeremy 😔. I wish he hadn't seen that. He's working so hard and he's had such a rough time recently with his panic attacks. It's quite easy to think before you tweet and then maybe don't tweet a 'hot take' about someone else's experiences and attempt to police their language that describes that experience and their feelings.

#well this has me in fucking tears #god damn it jeremy im so sorry #im so sorry you've suffered so much because of him

[imladris-soldier]

Me: damn this situation I'm in sure isn't ideal, what am I gonna do about this

Suicidal Ideation Man who lives in my brain: perhaps I have a suggestion ☝️🤓

[imladris-soldier]

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to be infertile

[imladris-soldier]

everyone has that one companion who just keeps detonating the traps, right? i cannot be the only one. and it's lae'zel who does it specifically which is funny considering SHE'S THE ONE WHO SPOTS THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE??? thanks lae'zel. where would we be without you, queen

[imladris-soldier]

she's just a girl and she's on fiiireeee

[imladris-soldier]

I like her. She looks like she could throw me over her shoulder and carry me to safety should the need arise

[imladris-soldier]

Orin the Red - A Child of Murder

[imladris-soldier]

Some best girl portraits to spice up your phone screen ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

#i am definitely a lil gay for Karlach

[imladris-soldier]

Tav, using their Pet Owner Voice: What have you got in your mouth? What are you eating? Drop it! Drop it right now!

Scratch: [whines and drops Wyll's boot]

Owlbear Cub: [guiltily spits out Boo, alive and unharmed]

Halsin, currently a bear: [drops a half-eaten salmon and makes an indignant noise]

Astarion: [startles at the raised voice, lets go of Tav's wrist, reclaims it and goes back to his breakfast once he realises they're not talking to him]

Gale: [chewing faster]

Tav, sternly: Gale...

Gale: [reluctantly spits out a powerful magical artefact into Tav's outstretched hand]

Tav, muttering under their breath: Can't have shit in the Gate.

Gale, ruefully rubbing the back of his neck, also under his breath: Gods forbid a wizard do anything

[imladris-soldier]

[imladris-soldier]

[imladris-soldier]

I love themmm ( pt. 1 | pt. 2)

[imladris-soldier]

I love themmm ( pt. 1 | pt. 2)