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Patrick: [watches as an ambulance speeds past, sirens blaring]
Patrick: ...he won’t sell many ice-creams going at that speed...
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Squidward, handing out balloons: It’s always raining in my mind, have a nice day
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Squidward: Do you know why I hate myself?
Random customer: No
Squidward: Neither do I, have a nice day though
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Spongebob, handing out balloons: I have no soul, have a nice day!
Squidward, taking a balloon: I don’t have one either.
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Squidward: Are you drinking Pepsi for breakfast?
Patrick: Yeah, what did you have for breakfast?
Squidward: ...nothing
Patrick: I’m doing better than you then-
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Reporter: So what are Spongebob and Patrick to you?
Squidward: They’re the reason I always get up in the morning
Reporter: Awww, that’s adorable
Spongebob and Patrick earlier that morning, barging into Squidward’s room, smacking pots and pans together: WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!
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Patrick: Ow! My armkle!
Spongebob: His what?
Squidward: His wrist.
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Squidward: I’ll keep all my emotions right here.
Squidward: And then one day, I’ll die.
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Patrick: Sometimes, people will say “What do you think you’re doing?”
Patrick: But they just mean “Stop.”
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Squidward: [groans] you know, life.
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Squidward, mid conversation: ...from endless anxiety, yeah
Sandy: Do you have a lot of anxiety?
Squidward: I do have a lot of anxiety
Sandy: And that’s why you don’t want anyone to actually ever truly know you...?
Squidward: [thinks]......Oh-
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Patrick: The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was getting me banned from an all you can eat pizza buffet.
Spongebob: Why’d you get banned?
Patrick: Touched the rat.
Spongebob: What rat?
Patrick: Chunky cheese.
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Squidward: You know, you really shouldn’t use a straw
Patrick: I know, I know, it’s bad for the environment
Squidward: It’s just a weird way to eat spaghetti...
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Squidward: If it’s a concussion, you have to keep him conscious, okay? Ask him some questions.
Spongebob: Patrick, what’s seven plus seven?
Squidward: Stuff he knows!
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Mr Krabs: I don’t know what’s more pathetic. The fact that you picked a fight with a bunch of children on a playground, or the fact that you lost.
Squidward: They had superior numbers and no mercy!
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THIS IS AMAZING!
Spongebob: Plankton? When Karen’s mad at you, how do you make her not mad?
Plankton: First I apologise, then get her whatever she wants.
Spongebob: Even when she’s wrong?
Plankton: She’s never wrong, son
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Mr Krabs: One day you could be a father
Spongebob: One day? I already am a father!
Mr Krabs: Gary is a snail, Spongebob
Spongebob: HE’S MY BLOOD!
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