Jason: *bursts into the room and slams the door shut in panic*
Dick: Oh my God, what did you do?
Jason: Nobody died!
Dick: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!?
Interest check for Damian Wayne Week 2022 is now open!
Like last year, Damian Wayne Week is a content creation week centered around our favorite batbaby, Damian!
This short survey will gauge interest and ask which dates people would most prefer. The official dates, rules, and and other information will be posted after the interest checks close, along with the prompt submission. Prompt voting will happen around early March and the prompts will be released after that.
You can find the form here: https://forms.gle/ZE2PvR7tH1RSKfxq8.
The interest check will run from now until 11:59 PM EST on Saturday, February 12th.
If you have any questions, feel free to shoot an ask here or to the mod, @incorrectbatfam.
Everything the Batfam has been banned from making bets on?
How many earplugs Jason can put in his ear
When Tim will have his next cup of coffee
Who will be the next to die
How many batarangs they can shove in their pants
What animal Damian will bring back from patrol
Who can sneak in their superhero friend the quietest
Whether Dick will break the chandelier he's swinging from
If Babs can hack Google
Who can leave the most fingerprints at a crime scene
What Steph will have for breakfast
How many kudos Cullen's next fanfic will get
Who can do the best Alfred impression
Who can do the best Bruce impression
What will Duke rate the next Marvel movie
Will Cass Eat That?
When will Dick notice his cereal keeps moving
How many eggs fit in Bruce's slippers
How many eggs fit in Bruce's utility belt
How many eggs fit in the Batmobile
Stupidest thing they can call Clark to Gotham for
Duke: What's your biggest fear?
Tim: Being forgotten.
Duke: Damn that's deep.
Duke: Mine is the Kool-Aid man but I feel kinda stupid about it now.
What has been permanantly ruined for the batfam
Dick: hotel safes
Tim: tuna sandwiches
Damian: baking soda volcanoes
Cullen: stapler guns
Stephanie: spray cheese
Cassandra: Expo markers
Kate: the Titanic soundtrack
Alfred: public bathrooms
Selina: modern art museums
Bruce: this ® thing
Bruce: If you had to separate your dog from forty-nine other identical dogs that were all equally excited to see you, how would you determine which dog was yours?
Damian: I would take my fifty dogs home and live like a king.
batfam as types of tourists
Dick: ziplines, bungee jumps, cave dives—adrenaline junkie stuff
Jason: goes bar-hopping and wins a Blackjack tournament
Tim: takes pics of everything and is photobombed by a celebrity
Damian: refuses go any place that's not pet-friendly
Duke: goes everywhere on a rental bike
Cullen: doesn't look up from his phone
Stephanie: talks to everyone with a translation dictionary
Cassandra: chills at the hotel spa and orders room service
Barbara: carefully reads the reviews before doing anything
Harper: rents a golf cart to make fun of Duke's speed
Carrie: accidentally joins a school field trip
Kate: is invited to a wedding ten minutes after meeting someone
Alfred: writes a detailed vacation itinerary
Selina: spends the whole day in one museum
Bruce: tacky Hawaiian shirt, board shorts, socks with sandals
Dick: Didn't you die?
Jason: That was weeks ago, dude. Things change.
Tim: I did a bad thing.
Damian: Does it affect me?
Damian: Then suffer in silence.
Hi. I love your work it's super hilarious and always makes me smile no matter the bad I had. I know you mostly only do bat family only. But I really love the BuzzFeed unsolved segment you did with Batman villains. Would it be alright to ask if you could do more of that?
Again love your blog. It's so refreshing.
"Hello and welcome to another season of Buzzfeed Unsolved. Today we'll be covering the enigmatic case of the Riddler."
"I see what you did there, Ryan."
"Thanks, I appreciate it."
"Yeah, I love a good wordplay."
"It's a double wordplay, actually, since his true identity—as we'll dive into—is Ed Nygma."
"That's a stupid name."
Shane: "I'd love to sit down for a dinner with Poison Ivy."
Ryan: "Except she could strangle you with her plants."
"She seems like a decent lady."
"She's an eco-terrorist!"
"But she's got a good point."
"—and that's when Roman Sionis became the notorious crime boss Black Mask."
"Wait, so he fused a mask to his face?"
"Pretty much. Kinda gross when you think about it."
"I can imagine. Like, you know when you were a kid and you'd cover your head in saran wrap and try to melt it on with a hair dryer?"
"You didn't try to encase your head in plastic when you were a kid? That was a whole thing at my school."
"The fuck kind of school did you go to?"
"You didn't do that?"
"Why the hell would I do that?!"
"Harleen, known for her genius-level IQ, got her PhD in psychiatry at Gotham State University."
"But Gotham's not a state."
*wheeze* "I mean, it's so cut-off it might as well be."
"Also, if my math's right, that means she went to school with Bruce Wayne."
"What are you implying?"
"You know how college is."
"So you think Bruce Wayne and Harley Quinn were—"
"... Sure. Let's go with that."
Shane: "If I was Mr. Freeze, I'd give up evil and just drive an ice cream truck."
Ryan: "No offense, but you'd be the stranger danger that parents tell their kids about."
"You don't want my ice cream? My evil Arctic laser ray sundaes?"
"Actually when you put it like that it sounds pretty good."
"Here we are in the Joker's abandoned theme park. I'm gonna turn on my spirit box and see if we can pick something up."
"I thought he was alive."
"Depends on your canon."
Shane: "Fuck, marry, kill: Two-Face, Mad Hatter, Man-Bat."
Ryan: "Kill Man-Bat and uh... fuck Two-Face and marry the Hatter."
"Interesting. Care to explain?"
"Well, Man-Bat's, like, an animal, right? Or at least part animal. And I'm not into the furry stuff anymore, so—"
"It was an experimental phase."
"Sure. A 'phase'."
"Don't worry Ryan, your secret's safe with me." *winks*
"I'm not—" *takes a deep breath* "Anyway, so kill Man-Bat. Then I'd have a one-night with Two-Face 'cause I think his two halves can get creative, you know?"
"Why're you asking me if I know? Do I look like I know him?"
"Honestly I wouldn't be surprised at this point."
"And then I'd marry the Hatter 'cause Batman's gonna send him back to Arkham in like a week anyway so I'll be free."
"Welcome back to Buzzfeed Unsolved: Postmortem, a show where we answer your most pressing questions about the latest episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved, which was Red Hood. All the questions we have today are from our Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and directly on the video on BUN."
"Our first question comes from user@jasontoddsnotdead on Twitter: Is it possible that Red Hood was actually a former protogé of Batman who felt he was let down because Batman won't do what's needed?"
*Shane and Ryan glance at each other*
Both, in unison: "Nah."
Ryan: "Our next fan art comes from @robin4 on Instagram. It's basically the Ghoul Boys as a vigilante duo."
Shane: "Would you ever become a vigilante, 'cause I wouldn't."
"Sure. Just not in Gotham."
"The Hotdaga's coming to Gotham City, and this time, they're facing off against the evil Condiment King."
"That's not a real villain."
"I don't believe you. It's too over-the-top even for Gotham."
"Well, you better believe it, 'cause we even got a special performance from Catwoman herself."
"Why did I agree to this show?"
Cullen, writing fanfiction: Just a few seeds of angst in there.
Cullen: Shit no stop growing, that's TOO MUCH ANGST—
what would a multi part episode look like
It'd be a crossover with the Supers and Flashes
They all meet up in Smallville because the farm's the only place where they have enough room
Dick and Wally enter the rodeo and Jason goes around the audience taking bets (he bets against Dick)
Pa Kent tells them not to go down to the creepy abandoned cellar. So naturally, Steph and Cass go down and get locked in
Iris loses a hairpin in a haystack
Kara's in charge of the chickens and the same hen keeps wandering off
Barbara helps Lois set up a Rube Goldberg rat trap
Meanwhile Damian and Jon help the rats escape
Duke accompanies Alfred on errands and they end up waiting in a line for three hours
Bruce, Clark, and Barry try to out-Dad™ each other in The Dad™ Games
Tim, Kon, and Bart get stuck being the judges
What are some of the sitcom plots
Tim accidentally winds up on his school's homecoming committee and accidentally loses the shipment of decorations the morning that they're supposed to go up; Dick, Jason, and Cass start a food truck chain selling only applesauce
Steph and Cass have to share a room while Cass's is being fumigated for cockroaches, and they start taking the phrase "fifty-fifty split" literally by doing things like cutting a towel in half; at the same time, Damian tries to sneak a horse through the house
Duke keeps failing his parallel park test no matter who tries to teach him (including Bruce, Alfred, Selina, Kate, and even Clark); Damian helps Carrie sell Girl Scout cookies by marketing them toward old people who can't say no to cute kids
Jason babysits Lian, but she invited all thirty of her classmates for a giant playdate; Harper and Cullen put a trampoline in the living room and charges people to use it
Barbara orders a new lamp and finds she's missing a part, but contacting the company only leads her in circles; the boys get stuck in an elevator
Bruce wants to try his hand at a normal person job, so Steph gets him a job at Batburger alongside her; Damian and Jon try to sneak into an R-rated movie
Duke finds out someone plagiarized the short story that he was going to use for a contest; Kate gets her arm stuck in a vending machine
Dick leaves Jason to house-sit the Bludhaven apartment while he's out of town and Jason throws a blowout party, but then Dick announces he's coming back early and Jason only has an hour to clean up the entire mess; Bruce takes a cooking class
Damian goes through a haunted house with Tim, Duke, and Cass because he refuses to admit he's afraid; Dick tries to convince Jason to put on a Halloween costume
Alfred, Lois, Iris, Ma Kent team up in a Smallville pie-making competition; Cullen is convinced that there's something lurking in the corn; Damian and Jon can't go on any rides because they're not tall enough; Dick and Jason compete to see who can win the biggest stuffed animal for their best friend (Wally and Roy)
Jason joins the local Shakespeare theater troupe, but a difference in the interpretation of Romeo and Juliet causes a rift right before opening night; Steph, Cass, and Harper try to win a radio contest
Duke enters a robotics contest with his friends, but every time they try to sit down and work, his siblings interfere; Bruce tries to cancel his cable subscription
Tim, Bart, and Cassie try to throw a surprise party for Kon, but it's hard when Kon can hear everything they do; Kate's car is stuck in a ditch and she has no cell service
It's Career Day at Duke's school, and he has no idea what we wants to do in the future; Cass becomes an Uber driver, but all her riders are either her siblings or Literal Criminals™
Tim and Damian drag the entire family into a prank war; Alfred has to get a letter back from the post office before it's sent to the UK because it contains a fatal typo
Damian enters the school talent show and his siblings won't stop tweaking his performance according to what they want to see; Bruce and Kate bet on turtle racing
Dick: Well, has Jason been wrong before?
Bruce: How wide are we willing to open this up?
What do you think a Batfamily sitcom would have?
It'd be Modern Family style where they occasionally speak directly to the camera
Bruce would monologue like, "Yeah, this family can be chaotic and unpredictable, but I think that's representative of life in general and it's good for us in the long run. We have so many different personalities under one roof and every day, there's a lot to learn from each other and more to love"
Then it cuts to Jason who's like, "From the looks on your faces, Bruce's been monologuing"
Their A-plots consist of typical sitcom things like Damian figuring out how to make friends at a new school
But then the B-plot is something seemingly unrelated, like Dick buying a used fro-yo machine
And then they converge in the end, like when Dick puts the machine on wheels to pick Damian up at school, and suddenly Damian becomes the coolest kid ever with free frozen yogurt
Steph has a glittery purple batarang hidden in every episode
Cass stares into the camera like The Office
They do big crossover episodes with the Superfam and Flash Fam sitcoms (remember when Disney Channel used to do that?)
The Superfam and Flash Fam shows also have different laugh tracks, and at one point Kate says, "Can you guys please get your laugh tracks outta here?"
The first season finale centers on Bruce buying a table that gets stuck in the door. It includes trying to shave off the doorframe, greasing it up with a giant block of butter, and getting Clark and Diana to push it—all to no avail. The whole time, the kids don't care as they simply go over/under it, ignoring Bruce begging for help. They end up leaving the table there and eating around that for the rest of the series
Frequent locations include: Wayne Manor, Damian's middle school, Wayne Enterprises office, Duke's high school, Batburger, the Gotham police station, and the library
Barbara hacks a whole episode from her bedroom
Despite Tim being one of the quieter characters, the whole fandom loves him
But also Tim's way louder and more energetic when he makes cameos on other JL families' shows
In one episode, they put a camera on Alfred the cat and watched him go about his day
There are special performances by Green Day and Taylor Swift
Thomas and Martha's deaths aren't shown on screen, but it's revealed later in one of those episodes that tackle serious topics
The theme song is a mess because it's just Titus bashing his paws on Garage Band
Each episode starts with a chaotic climax scene that then pauses as Duke's like, "So you're probably wondering what's going on."
There's one swear word allowed per season and someone always beats Jason to it
The laugh track Alfred chuckling in British
What the fuck is liquid ass from the shenanigans on patrol post???
It's this prank spray thing that smells really bad
This video explains it all
I know Stephanie had a teenage pregnancy thing going on, what are some other like taboo topics the batfam had
While I do have an answer for that, I’m not comfortable talking about it on this blog and people kind of expect this space to be lighthearted free from those heavy topics. I can’t think of a batfam blog that specializes in that, but I know that a lot of other popular blogs will deal with more mixed content. If anyone else can recommend specific folks, feel free to do so in the reblogs.