inmyownwordz - Tumblr blog

inmyownwordz · 10 months

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So my first book is finally here! Self published and available on Amazon for purchase. I am so appreciative and thankful for all the support and love. This has been a goal of mine for some years now and to see it done is beautiful. The book is a ton of dairy/journal entries and notes that I wrote over the years. The subjects of each poem are different but all based around love, pain, loss and healing. It is an extremely easy read, and I really hope you all get a copy and find something in it that speaks to you! I want it to be something people can revisit for inspiration and insight just as you would do with a journal or diary. I love you tons and thank you for your continued support.

I know I have been absent on here but I really just don’t use tumblr much anymore. I still obviously check in from time to time to see what’s new but I do not post. I do have an account on Instagram where I post content daily and would love if you to followed me there @ poeticmoss 🫶🏼

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inmyownwordz · 1 year

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You shuffled me around your board until you ran out of moves. Just a pawn in your game, a victim to your ruse. You filled me up with love, empty promises mean nothing. Told me forever, like you believed we’d be something. Those wounded and weak, often search for a place of relief. Came in and stole my heart like a cold calculated thief. The sorrow is in knowing all my intentions were pure. The pain is in knowing for you, I was merely a cure. A place of peace for you to take a moment to pause. Refuge for you to rest and dress your wounds in gauze. But I was never a place where you planned to stay. The time was long overdue for you to walk away.

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inmyownwordz · 1 year

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Stale heaviness rest upon my chest. It is hard to breath. I find it impossible to sleep even more so than normal. Days embedded with thoughts of you; of us. Your eyes, your lips, your touch, your voice. All the good times, even some of the bad ones too. Long poetic messages I typed up but are still waiting to be sent. Wishing there was someway to bump into you or see you. Always picturing you in different parts of my day. Hoping every car that looks like yours is you. Wishing I will come home to see you waiting for me. To think I thought these feelings would never stop. But they say it takes 30 days to break a habit, you just have to be without it. And well, I never paid it much attention because I never had to break a habit, until you. But here I am, 30 days later realizing that I have not felt these emotions lately. It is settling in that I am good without you. I am going to be fine.

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inmyownwordz · 1 year

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Neither of us can dance to save our lives. But we slow dance in the middle of grocery aisles. We dance in the middle of the living room. In the middle of small towns beneath twinkling lights. We dance at parties; laughing and smiling intoxicatingly at each other. We dance and we dance and we love every off beat step. Because no where in the world feels better than dancing in the arms of your best friend and lover.

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inmyownwordz · 1 year

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You should know I stopped because there was no other outcome for us but heartbreak. It was difficult to cause our ultimate divide. But eventually, something would have broken us for good. The decision for me to be that “something” was best.

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inmyownwordz · 1 year

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Sometimes I think I will disappoint you. What if, I do not execute the bars you have set for me? I have only seen proud eyes, a few times. Eventually, they too, fade away.

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inmyownwordz · 2 years

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Food4Thought

Entry01 :::

(08/30/2022)

ALL I GOT NOW ARE MEMORIES -

I miss the days when life was simple, when I used wish time would hurry up so I could be “Grown.” Now that I am, time seems to move way too fast. It made me realize how much I should have appreciated those moments. Why is it so common to not cherish what is before us, until it no longer is? These days I miss my nephews, it’s wild that we grew up together but now we don’t even speak. They’re in their 20′s now, that alone is crazy enough. The saddest part about us not speaking is that we don’t even have any issues, our family is just super divided. I really miss my parents too, my father passed in 2000 but I was too young to fully grasp death, and I still had my mother. Then when she passed in 2018 my life just wasn’t the same. It sunk in that both my parents were gone, and I began grieving both of them at that point. While I try to find comfort in knowing they are at peace and their spirits still live on... it’s hard not being able to call them, hear their voices, and feel their touch. I miss my mother’s smile, her kind blue eyes, her laugh, her sensitivity, her intellect and intelligence. My mother was the kind of lady that could finish crossword puzzles in 10 minutes. I would buy her crossword books (a couple at a time), she’d call me in a week and tell me she finished them. I’d laugh and say I would bring more for her on the next visit. I know so many random facts because of her always feeding me information. She was a teacher before her health declined, she mainly taught Pre-K. She loved working with kids, she had the aura for it for sure. I miss the days when she’d come home from work and always have something in her purse for me, it was usually a treat of some sort. I miss her calling my name to run to the corner store, or to grab her something from the kitchen. I miss watching her favorite shows with her in the living room, “Wheel of Fortune, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, Everybody Loves Raymond and Kings of Queens.” Every Friday we’d order pizza from our favorite spot, I miss those simple traditions we had. I miss our house decor changing for every holiday, she loved putting up holiday decorations. I miss my dad getting me from the bus stop in elementary school. I miss him bringing me a “Yahoo Chocolate Drink” whenever he’d go to the store for his beer. I miss his scent, the sound of his voice, his cooking even the stranger things he made lol. I miss sitting on the porch with him and feeding the squirrels and birds. These days, I think a lot about who I might be, if he had lived longer. I miss the days when I had to come inside when the street lights came on. I miss being carefree, climbing trees, going to the park, walking to dairy queen in the summer. I miss .25 cent chips, .50 pop and juice. I miss penny candies and when candy bars only costed .99. I miss playing in the neighborhood with my nephews or friends. I miss the low-rider bike I got one year with the banana seat and the U shaped handlebars. I still remember spending weekends with my siblings. Sometimes I was at my brothers apartment, other times I would be at one of my sisters places. I miss my siblings, we don’t even talk these days, too much pride, resentment and unresolved issues that date back years. It’s sad to think that back then, all I wanted to be was older. But looking back, I wish I would’ve focused more on the good and less on all that was wrong. Life is just too short, and that is something I didn’t understand as a young child. Forever isn’t real, so just live for today and cherish life no matter what. Remember, moments are worth so much, cause unless you capture it on film you can’t ever go back and live them again. - K.A.M

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inmyownwordz · 2 years

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Your rollercoaster got me so sick I had enough. This is my goodbye letter to love. All the up and down, round and round has been more than a little rough. Don’t say I gave up, my heart and I were tough. We hung on through every bruise and scuff. We fought through every huff and puff. But now it’s time I called your bluff.

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inmyownwordz · 2 years

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Hello, I hope you're keeping well. I'm a big fan of your writings and have been following you for almost 3 years now and adore each piece of your writings.

So I've met this guy on bumble, we never really met in person but we've been talking since almost 6 months. I discovered a few months back that I've leukemia and I'm not keeping up that well. This guy and I have feelings for each other and I've even confrontated mine to him but he's a little hesitant to put anything in words because of a traumatic breakup, I really want to see this person and tell them how important they're to me but my health at the moment isn't really supportive also I want him to accept how he feels but he's just not wanting to give validation to his feelings. I don't know how I should feel about it. Any suggestions?

Hi friend, thank you for all of your support! It means the most to me. So grateful that you enjoy my work 🖤

6months isn’t that long but it’s long when you haven’t met face to face or been able to break past that wall he has up. I am sorry to hear about your battle with leukemia. Sending lots of love and light your way. I would suggest being vulnerable, open up and really express your needs. I know you’ve expressed your feelings to him but go deeper. Let him know you understand why it is hard for him. Tell him you care for him a lot but you cannot wait forever. You are here and willing if he is. Let him know life is too short, because it is. Sometimes we just have to step out on faith and take a chance. We can’t live in the past or behind the walls we’ve built. If he has any respect for you and true feelings he will understand and try. If not, I suggest you try and move on. We all deserve someone who reciprocates what we give back to us. I hope this helps! Stay strong 💪🏼

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inmyownwordz · 2 years

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Why is getting over you love someone so hard? Even though they did everything that would cut you in half and leave you bleeding till you die?

Getting over someone you love is hard because it takes time. Sometimes it never really goes away (the hurt), because you never truly forget. Unfortunately, there is no instruction manual or expiration date on “love.” Even the ones who do us the worst, can have a hold on us.

#heartbreak #breakup #heartache #getting over my ex #getting over someone #love yourself #love #falling in love #ask me questions #question

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inmyownwordz · 2 years

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Sometimes I want to run away and disappear. Thinking like… anywhere has to be better than here. Everyday is a struggle trying to stay strong and persevere. Sitting back reminiscing got me shedding a tear. Traumatized I got demons the damage is so severe. Majority of my life I have lived in fear. Been praying more than ever, hoping things become clear. Hoping that some peace and love would eventually adhere.

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inmyownwordz · 2 years

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Some days missing you is all that I can do. No amount of preparation could make this easier to get through. Memories fading, they seem far and few. I see you in my dreams but they never come true. Searching for the love I found inside of you. Seems that you are too hard to live up to. No heartbreak hurt worse than taking away my glue. Still unable to repair the pieces that broke in two.

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inmyownwordz · 2 years

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My fingers burned, my palms callus. As I held onto a thread of a dream we once shared. It was scary to let go, goodbye was never in our plans. But day by day, your hand grew further out of my reach. Until eventually, you gave it to someone else. My heart broken, I wished you well and released my grip. Making that decision was the best thing for me. But making it, didn’t mean it hurt any less.

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inmyownwordz · 3 years

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Grey they say means balance, I found it. In the beauty with ebony braids. For her I compose a love ballad. Inscriptions I leave upon ivory shades. As I ponder if my passions are valid. Occasionally, we lay as embers burn grey. Upon an intimate palette. Desires to spill my love into the wandering haze. If I could, I would do so with an earnest poetic talent.

Insta: @poeticmoss

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inmyownwordz · 3 years

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If you don’t call me I’ll jump off the roof.

She sweet like pudding, don’t need no proof.

I’ve died and gone to heaven inside of you.

I think your the one, maybe I can be two.

Promise to never bid me adieu...

Cause if you do, I’ll jump off the roof.

Insta: poeticmoss

Original (Falling For You x CTV3)

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inmyownwordz · 3 years

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After it all, I’m just happy that I am okay. I defeated every obstacle they placed in my way. Now, I get the chance to experience another day. Move on from the things that wanted to stray. Understand that it was never in my power to make them stay. Find peace with God, as I learn to pray. I am blooming again, like flowers in May. Falling in love with my colors, what a beautiful array.

Insta: poeticmoss

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inmyownwordz · 3 years

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I have spent a lot of time in the storms. I have let the darkness comfort me. I have been lost without hope. I have lost my faith. And I have been torn between life and death. If you find yourself in a storm, comforted by darkness, feeling lost, and without hope, or faith... contemplating. Always choose life! You have faced tragedy before and you overcame that! You are here, and as long as you have your life, you can get out of any situation. As long as you are breathing there is still a chance for change! There is still a chance for better. This too will pass!

Insta: poeticmoss

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