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isbelstrash · 2 years
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100 Days of Languages
Day 6: Memorize a poem 
Edith Södergran - Stjärnorna
När natten kommer står jag på trappan och lyssnar, stjärnorna svärma i trädgården och jag står ute i mörkret. Hör, en stjärna föll med en klang! Gå icke ut i gräset med bara fötter; min trädgård är full av skärvor
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isbelstrash · 2 years
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"Holding you is hard today, you feel sharp and jagged, all shoulderblades and elbows. How I would love to round your edges. To make you smooth, in my rock tumbler heart."
— Keep Breathing
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isbelstrash · 2 years
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“Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? Up on a pedestal or down on your knees, it’s all a male fantasy: that you’re strong enough to take what they dish out, or else too weak to do anything about it. Even pretending you aren’t catering to male fantasies is a male fantasy: pretending you’re unseen, pretending you have a life of your own, that you can wash your feet and comb your hair unconscious of the ever-present watcher peering through the keyhole, peering through the keyhole in your own head, if nowhere else. You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur.”
| Margaret Atwood, The Robber Bride
Feels like Valentines Day
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isbelstrash · 2 years
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happy wild geese wednesday
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isbelstrash · 3 years
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I am literally begging, BEGGING modern media to portray healthy relationships. enough cheating. enough infidelity. enough disrespect. show me people who love each other, proper communication, and a strong mental as well as physical connection. I want plots about people who are madly in love with each other and STAY madly in love with each other. please. I am losing my mind.
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isbelstrash · 3 years
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This.
I felt so disgusted by the show after this. Not only was it a terrible thing for Daphne to have done, it felt out of character and not at all in line with the “wokeness” of the rest of the show, to not speak of the terrible writing of their story after they got married. Hollow is the word. The resolution felt so unsatisfactory.
I mean, to take liberties such as having an anti racist society (to a certain extent) as the setting of this story, and conveying the view of woman masturbation as natural and healthy, all in this particular time period - and then have Daphne not treat Simon with the same bodily respect as he has shown her, in the very safe environment they have created for each other... It feels very off to me. Does she not have any responsibilities because she is so innocent? A delicate flower?
It all translates as lazy writing. This was far from the most interesting or characteristical way to resolve their issues. Very boring, actually, beside it being sickening. The tension didn’t build to then be released - them emptily fighting and longing and fighting and longing felt hollow without any real confrontation of the actual problem. His childhood trauma wasn’t dealt with or processed at all. Daphne reading his private letters (a big overstep if you ask me) and then asking him to choose to be happy anyway was such a disappointing ending. It felt so very passive.
The rape scene ruined it’s main characters and their story completely, it ruined the show. It betrayed itself, and was no longer what it presented itself as. And most importantly - that the rape had no real consequences at all, that it wasn’t acknowledged and dealt with, is a very dangerous message to impressionable viewers. Rape is to be taken seriously, always.
Since no one is calling the rape scene in episode six of Bridgerton what it is - rape - I have a few things to say. 
Simon very clearly tells Daphne to “wait” but she continues. That makes it rape, point blank. Consent can be revoked at any time during the act and if the other person continues, it is rape. It does not matter the genders of the participants, if you have had sexual relations before, or if you are married to your rapist. IF SOMEONE SAYS STOP AND YOU KEEP GOING, YOU ARE RAPING THEM. There is no “gray area” here. She knew what she was doing. 
I keep seeing people trying to justify Daphne’s actions and it is disgusting and inexcusable. Yes, Simon was wrong for lying to her about his ability to father children, but THAT DOES NOT MAKE WHAT SHE DID ANY LESS HORRIFYING. Yes, Simon was wrong but that doesn’t mean he deserved to be raped. The show never has Daphne even apologize for raping him.  Absolutely gross. And I’m supposed to root for them as a couple after this? Fuck that. 
(Also, Daphne’s complete lack of knowledge about how babies are made is historically inaccurate. Regency era young women did by-and-large know where babies came from. But I’m digressing from the point. Regardless, lack of awareness is not an excuse for committing rape.) 
Then, I keep seeing people say that the rape was not a rape because “Simon could’ve fought her off if he really wanted to” or “he consented to sex before and seemed into it in the beginning.” NONE OF THIS CHANGES THE FACT THAT IT IS RAPE. Some people are frozen in situations of trauma. They panic. And you can see in his eyes after the rape that he is upset and shocked. Would you ever ask a woman who says she was raped why she didn’t fight her attacker harder, or tell her she must’ve been enjoying it because she didn’t fight him off? 
Also, I repeat, CONSENT CAN BE WITHDRAWN AT ANY TIME DURING THE ACT. He tells her to “wait.” She doesn’t listen. It is rape. If the roles were reversed, and a woman told a man to “wait” during sex and he didn’t, would you still have the same response? Simon has the right to determine whether he reproduces or not. The show could’ve had the two of them discuss their opinions on children and Daphne help Simon put his trauma behind him through communication and support. Or - considering the pull-out method is not the most effective - perhaps she could have thought she was pregnant and this could have started a dialogue, with the end result being Simon decided he wanted children after all. This did not need to happen. 
There is also the added element that Daphne is white and Simon is Black, which makes her rape of him even more atrocious than it already was. Why should a Black man have to forgive his white wife for raping him? She is not entitled to his body. Fuck that. 
And then we have showrunner Chris Van Dusen JUSTIFYING the rape by saying it was “part of Daphne’s journey.” I am disgusted. Every one who took part in writing this scene should be ashamed of themselves. 
Reminder that men can be raped. Women can be rapists. Men have the same right to say ‘no’. Everyone needs to listen to and respect their sexual partner. Daphne and Simon’s relationship is not “swoon-worthy” or “romantic.” It is toxic. There is no “gray area” here. 
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isbelstrash · 4 years
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isbelstrash · 4 years
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”He’s an Austen hero written by someone who didn’t understand Austen heroes.”
SO let’s talk about Sanditon. overall an entertaining series with good actors. howEver. is it Jane Austen? n o . i fail to see how it honors her perspective on the world at all. the only thing i liked about the series was what she actually wrote - the setting and a handful of interesting characters. (she actually only wrote 11 chapters, which covered half of the first episode. from there the adapters wrote whatever they liked.)
what i love about Austen is that she wrote almost exclusively about women, and the difficulties women encountered in that era - an era she used her stories to analyse and comment on. she gave us interesting, real women characters, who very much drove the story. i read a comment somewhere that said “her books don’t pass the reverse Bechdel test” which i absolutely love. FINALLY we get to take part in this extremely intelligent writing, from our own perspective! and what do they do with that? how do they honour one of the most astonishing writers of all time?
they make our heroine passive in her own story. i partly even forgot about her at times. they copy (very Badly) the Pride and Prejudice storyline, mix it with some Mr Rochester-nonsense - but manage to miss the whole point of the character developments in P&P. because lovely, opinionated Charlotte ends up apologising for not being “girly” and submissive enough. meanwhile our Love Interest Sidney, who was being straight up hostile, continually yelling harsh words at her with such hate (i straight up thought he might smack her at times) and ends up telling her that no - it’s okay, he’s the one who should apologise, he actually he loves her now! in the end only he has had a character development, only he has improved. she has “tamed” him (ugh we’ve seen this ENOUGH). she’s just insecure and dependent on his approval of her character now. he wins, she loses.
also - all the sexual acts? are so cheap, you’re not writing for Riverdale? one of the adapters, Andrew Davies, literally said: "I really aim to please myself, writing these things. I write something that I would like to watch. And I suppose the sexing it up thing comes in fairly naturally. If it's not there I feel that that's a shame, and I put some in." HOW is this honouring the incredible author who you Should be honouring? or the audience she wrote for, who you should be pleasing?
leave it to men to ruin something so important as our art and the meaning of our progress, to disrespect it with ignorance. if you don’t understand what Jane Austen meant for women at the time or even now (because honestly. we scarcely ever get anything different than this shit-show nowadays), you shouldn’t even breathe on it.
there’s plenty more to talk about, like the ending - but we all know that was out of character and just terrible writing, perhaps to milk the series for a second season.
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isbelstrash · 4 years
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SO let’s talk about Sanditon. overall an entertaining series with good actors. howEver. is it Jane Austen? n o . i fail to see how it honors her perspective on the world at all. the only thing i liked about the series was what she actually wrote - the setting and a handful of interesting characters. (she actually only wrote 11 chapters, which covered half of the first episode. from there the adapters wrote whatever they liked.)
what i love about Austen is that she wrote almost exclusively about women, and the difficulties women encountered in that era - an era she used her stories to analyse and comment on. she gave us interesting, real women characters, who very much drove the story. i read a comment somewhere that said “her books don’t pass the reverse Bechdel test” which i absolutely love. FINALLY we get to take part in this extremely intelligent writing, from our own perspective! and what do they do with that? how do they honour one of the most astonishing writers of all time?
they make our heroine passive in her own story. i partly even forgot about her at times. they copy (very Badly) the Pride and Prejudice storyline, mix it with some Mr Rochester-nonsense - but manage to miss the whole point of the character developments in P&P. because lovely, opinionated Charlotte ends up apologising for not being “girly” and submissive enough. meanwhile our Love Interest Sidney, who was being straight up hostile, continually yelling harsh words at her with such hate (i straight up thought he might smack her at times) and ends up telling her that no - it’s okay, he’s the one who should apologise, he actually he loves her now! in the end only he has had a character development, only he has improved. she has “tamed” him (ugh we’ve seen this ENOUGH). she’s just insecure and dependent on his approval of her character now. he wins, she loses.
also - all the sexual acts? are so cheap, you’re not writing for Riverdale? one of the adapters, Andrew Davies, literally said: "I really aim to please myself, writing these things. I write something that I would like to watch. And I suppose the sexing it up thing comes in fairly naturally. If it's not there I feel that that's a shame, and I put some in." HOW is this honouring the incredible author who you Should be honouring? or the audience she wrote for, who you should be pleasing?
leave it to men to ruin something so important as our art and the meaning of our progress, to disrespect it with ignorance. if you don’t understand what Jane Austen meant for women at the time or even now (because honestly. we scarcely ever get anything different than this shit-show nowadays), you shouldn’t even breathe on it.
there’s plenty more to talk about, like the ending - but we all know that was out of character and just terrible writing, perhaps to milk the series for a second season.
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isbelstrash · 4 years
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i’m sorry but can we talk about the fact that your woman friends change so much when they get a man? as in plans you guys have had together. suddenly all of those plans are instead happening with their man. he never comes with suggestions about what they can do together, but expresses jealousy when he hears of the things you guys have planned - like trips or gift giving. he wants all that, but puts in no work himself. the difference is he wants to be waited upon. woman buddies put in equal work to make shit happen. to show affection. but now she’s excusing herself like “sorry i would, but i’m doing that with my boyfriend” like bitch?? we talked about The Thing for like three years and now ur gonna act like a better person came into your life that you Should be doing that specific thing with? cause couples are somehow Better and More Legit? than friendships you’ve had since you were a child?
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isbelstrash · 4 years
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met a buddy today. she wasn’t shy
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isbelstrash · 4 years
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all these straights don’t seem to even like their boyfriends?? it’s exhausting pretending u support their Boring Boys they’re just annoyed by ughhh
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isbelstrash · 4 years
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i feel so broken today
like nothing makes sense
how did i mislabel my childhood
so much?
it was a golden glow
but i remember
i remember
her locking herself away
for days
in their bedroom
in the boat cabin
i remember him saying
he’d leave mommy
if this continued
i remember he never did
-except for every other workweek
she’d arrange big parties
for our birthdays
with so many kids
i only actually knew half
i remember the tv
yelling at queer people
to love God.
i remember thinking
“oh.
so it is wrong”
i remember my best friends
being annoyed
being angry
that i asked
why?
i still haven’t told them
i still have a tightened throat
and tears in my eyes
when i think about the future
i made it out of school
barely alive
but alive
because of her
i have so many people to thank
that i’m still alive
my family
and the golden years
are anchors still holding me
here
she is one too
i barely ever wish for death anymore
except sometimes
briefly, passingly
but i tell myself no
“we don’t do that anymore.
you know where it led us”
deeper deeper down
and now we are climbing out
still climbing out
graves i never knew i was in
still trying to figure out how
and why
they were dug
your twenties are fucked up man.
can’t wait for the good parts
but i remind myself
they are right here
inbetween
the rough
- 26 mars 2020 i keep forgetting what month it is
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isbelstrash · 4 years
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who else is 2007 a Year for
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isbelstrash · 4 years
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stream of consciousness 21 mars 2020 14:24
där kommer det en båt
kaptenen är min vän
och han ska ta mig hem
förstår denna gång vad den där anders sjunger om, för att jag lyssnade. hade skrivarkurs/seminarium med Rupi Kaur igår. det var någonting. jag tänker med värme. på det. men känner mig så mörbultad idag så rå så bultande i huvudet i ögonen så . låg. trött. har jag sprungit ett marathon eller sovit tre veckor? en björn i ide inte redo att vakna. fåglarna sjöng så fint jag hörde dem genom huset idag. första fågelsången. första fågelsången som rörde mig, den känns ovanlig i min kropp ännu. jag längtar efter mer. jag vill göra någonting har inget att göra vad gör man då? har jag något Purpose eller,, jag söker. tycker mig finna det ibland. men sen inser jag att jag måste sätta in Arbete, Tid och Energi för att jag ska bli Nöjd och då kommer pressen. allt jag producerar måste vara Klart och Färdigt och Älskvärt hela tiden kan jag ge mig. kan jag inte måla en ful teckning, skriva en dålig låt, sjunga falskt någon gång och låta det Betyda något ändå? skärpning älskling. u suck men jag älskar dig ändå, älskar dig punkt. har så mycket empati för henne dagar som denna. har inte hjärta att vara för skarp, hon blir ju bara ledsen då ju och det hjälper henne inte någon bättre stans. kärlek är alltid vägen; ibland tuff, ibland the sotets of softest. jag vet precis hur mina ögon ser ut när jag ser ut från dem. barely open, under hela dagen, just enough att existera sig igenom den. ser ut som en starved, beaten liten fågel. den där fågeln jag tog från Mickes käkar och gav en lugnare stund att dö i i mina händer. ögonen. har aldrig sett ögon slockna förut, med mina egna. jag fällde några tårar, för den lilla fågeln som var så svag, andan i halsen, som ryckte till, som blev sömnigare och sömnigare. som somnade. hon ligger på åkern. en del av naturen igen. det fanns en tid jag önskade efter samma. av att aldrig ha blivit materia. men dagar som denna. dagar som denna vill jag bara hålla henne, tala om för henne att det är bra att hon är här. att hon är här och andas hon förtjänar att vara här och andas, vad hon har gjort för andra väger inte lika tungt som hennes anda. kan någon mer berätta det för henne? så att det går in. tack . vi älskar oss idag, don’t we love? vi ska ta hand om oss idag.
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isbelstrash · 4 years
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my parents were pretty cool when i came out as bi to them a few months ago, but i’ve been vocal about my.........critique ;) of men lately (i mean i always am but especially rn) and SUDDENLY mom is asking things like “how come i dislike men so much” and “well, what do women do wrong then?” - things she’s Never asked before and. just Now i understood why. she’s worried i’ll date/marry a woman rather than a man.
and that shit. just. hurts
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isbelstrash · 4 years
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terrible time to be getting into yungblud. just wanna see dom live 😩😩😩😩
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