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itsgrishaverse · 3 years

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hello again. (pt 1)

pairing: president!loki x f!reader

(written in third person, slightly waves of enemies to lovers).

prompt: Loki is about to confess his feelings, however y/n is pruned before hearing any word about it. the trail of their story together slips from their fingers. to be erased. to be forgotten. they end up in a place worse than hell, surrounded by countless of Varints of the same Loki, forced to start over. There is a Variant, however, who’s the opposite to the Loki they knew and he doesn’t seem to want to let go.

gif by beif0ngs.

a/n: Yes, I’ve given in. President Loki came to stay, and i’m just here, writing down ideas. feedback is welcome. tell me you like it so I can keep writing. what else is there to say? i might start a taglist if you want to be in it!

The sound of her heartbeat echoed, drowning out the unleashed chaos that she, herself had caused on their surroundings. Her legs kept moving, turning on every corner, one hand attached to her hip— fingers eagerly ghosting over the end of a knife. A special knife given by someone else special too. The initials wrote LL. And the thought of that name sliding into the walls of her mind encouraged her to keep running without looking back. It was the light of an endless tunnel, something to fight for, to reach out for. She didn’t know the first moment that she met Loki, neither did he. And perhaps if it weren’t for the circumstances that brought them together, through bitterness and endless fights, betrayals, she shouldn’t have got the opportunity to see through him. Like most people failed to. Loki was chaos, the pain on her forehead most of the time, but he happened to be her way out too. The one to open her eyes about her life, and the lie she had been forced to live for — ages? The TVA forced her to choose. The people she had been with for all she could remember, or the variant who crossed her path and offered a way out by the end. A escape. Where to? It didn’t matter, as long as the promise of returning home was there.

Loki was the promise of home. He would take her away from it, with him. Loki was hope. And so, she chose him.

“Loki!” The sight of those dark curls was all she could focus on at the moment. He had managed to get rid of the guards that attempted to pull him away, back into his own hell. It was like if hearing her voice was all be needed to wake up from the nonresistance he allowed. Both guards were taken down, and by the moment he turned to face her, her weight was already on him. His arms wrapped up around her, bringing her closer against him. He breathed out, relieved. Her name slipped through his lips. He needed to say it to believe it himself.

“I tried to looking for you. They told me that —“ He frowned, and she felt his muscles tense under her arms. “That you were gone.”

It wasn’t a surprise they would try to fool him. Not after everything.

“Never.” She managed to force a smile on, slowly withdrawing from him. To face him, to see him again felt surreal. They had told her the same lie, but she didn’t say it. The first thing that she did was get rid of them, and come looking for him. Loki wasn’t dead. He couldn’t be, and neither was wrong. “You won’t get rid of me that easily.” That remark would’ve earned a grin from him, on another occasion, but he remained still. Silent. Tensed. There was doubt, mixed with warmth in those blue eyes.

“Loki.” She tried again, frowning. One hand was placed upon his cheek, cupping it. He closed his eyes at the touch and forced himself to break the silence. “What’s the matter?”

“Y/N. I — There’s something I must tell you.”

She waited. He opened his eyes, oceans darkening when he seemed to take her in again. Like if he was seeing through her the first time.

The sound of steps coming closer snapped her attention away. As soon as she glanced over her shoulder, with the attempt to step back, Loki’s cold hand wrapped up around her wrist. Stopping her from turning away from him. It was a gentle, but firm grasp. He wanted to keep her attention on him.

“Loki.” Her voice was a quiet plead. They couldn’t make the same mistake to let them take them again. They wouldn’t be forgiven. There wouldn’t be third chances. “We need to go.”

He didn’t seem to want to move, with an inner battle of thoughts and feelings. No words were given, but it was written over his face. It brought her attention again. What was the matter?

“I must to tell you right now, or I shall regret it my entire life if I don’t. There isn’t right time for this, nor wrong. It’s new to me. I can’t hide my feelings—“ He was cut off by a harsh gasp, but it didn’t came from his lips. Words drown by the sound of pain issued by her lips, without holding back. Her back arched at the feeling of something digging into her back, but it was worse than a dagger. It was worse than the feeling of being stabbed. The feeling of burning embraced bones. Woke up nerves. Had her paralyzed at the pain. Within the brief moments of watching her about to disappear, Loki attempted to reach out desperately, but she was thin air. Gone.

The world went dark. ……………

Chaos. It was all about chaos. Leaving one, unexpectedly just to be thrown into another one. It was a mess she left behind, and there was another mess waiting for her, dragging her from the darkness into the real world. She was conscious of her surroundings, but her senses took in the touch of a hand at her cheek. Cold, yet firm. Whoever it belonged to, it was an attempt to wake her up. She opened her eyes, suddenly taking in the realization that she was laid on the floor, with someone’s warmth close to her own body. Hunching down before her. Met with a pair of bright blues staring back into her. Dark long curls. Horns. The picture was almost perfect to just stare at, and for a second, she did just that.

“Loki.”

There was a glint within his gaze at the sound of his name being called. Proud, perhaps. Perhaps pleased to be recognized. The corner of his tugged into a cut, sly smile. It wasn’t warm nor kind, but amusing. He didn’t speak.

However, that didn’t stop her from reaching out to him. Fingers touched on the side of his face, tracing his cheekbone. Like if she needed to touch to believe he was real. His gaze darkened at the touch, but he didn’t flinch away. Again, those blue eyes could’ve stolen the moment if it weren’t for the lack of something. The warmth she had grown to see in Loki’s eyes. The understanding between them, which happened to be the key of their unexpected relationship. Loki looked at her like he couldn’t believe someone had stuck by his side through it all.

He, however, looked at her like she was a mystery he didn’t know about until now. Something to solve, but just for the sake of it. Not interested. And it fell onto her the realization of… Not her Loki. Her touch froze.

“Am I dead?”

Her words seemed to have amused him further. He chuckled, and tilted his head to the side. Examining her. “Not yet. You will be soon, however, if you don’t come with me.”

The sound of something she couldn’t make sense of had her standing up at a quick speed. He was faster enough to withdraw before she would bump into his face. On his feet and she remaining on the floor just for a few seconds allowed her to take in her surroundings. Those people behind whatever Variant of Loki had now she came across with didn’t go unnoticed. While he stared at her from his position like if she was, as far, the most entertaining thing to cross their paths, the others glared. Untrustworthy of the sight of her, and the guard uniform she wore, belonging to TVA. Anyone there would have known better than ignore that fact.

She was on her feet. “Where to?” When he chose not to answer her, and turn around to walk away, expecting she would follow him instead, she stood still. At this point, everyone knew better than just following around out of all them people, a variant of Loki. He didn’t know her. It was like starting it all over. And knowing what it would be like gave her an anticipated headache. “Hey! I asked you a question. I expect you to answer it.”

He stopped his trail, just enough to glance over his shoulder at her with raised eyebrows. “Was I not clear enough about your death if you didn’t come with me?”

It wasn’t a threat, but a fact. Even if the place was unknown, it was still instinct not to go blind into something you don’t know.

“Yeah, well.” She shrugged. “You’re quite known to be a drama queen, and a liar.”

He gave his people a quick glance, and turned fully to stand before her. Unbothered by her words. He shoved one hand into his pocket, lazily.

“What are you?”

“Eh. Human?” She didn’t mean it to come off as a question rather than a firm answer, but the uncertainty was still there. The fact she happened to find out she had a life before this all was still fresh.

He dismissed with his free hand. Like if it finally clicked in. “Unsurprisingly. You people lack of common sense with your stubbornness. That’s why you won’t last long here. I’m uncertain now why I should even bother with you.”

“Odd.” She commented, taking a step closer towards him. Saints, this would happen all over again, wouldn’t it? It was like meeting him for the first time. Starting from zero. Even if it was still the same person who opened up in the end. “Last thing you did to me was pulling me into your arms. Keeping me company. You seemed to like me enough.” The last was meant to get a reaction out of him despite the stung within her chest at the thought of her last moments with Loki. Her Loki. Where was he at now? Did he manage to get out? She hoped so. He deserved to run away, without looking back, like they were meant to do together. The together part wasn’t an option anymore.

“I assume we met before. Ah, now which one of us was the closest to where you come from?” He gestured at himself, and the ones standing by his side. Still amused. Were they all the same? Were they all Loki? Saints.

“You were. Too bad it seems that I’ll like him better. No offense.”

He pursed lips, one of his fingers tapping on it. Thoughtful. “I am truly interested to hear about it all. Surely it’s an interesting story. For now, you will not put our lives at risk because you’re too stubborn to be wise enough. I will do you a favor instead. Take her.”

The command was meant towards the other Variants, which they followed without hesitation. Arms gripped onto her arms before she could attempt to break free. Despite her forceful tugs, they brought her along with him leading the way. Halfway, they had to tie her down at another command of his. When she went at one of them, bringing them down by aiming at their knees, another lifted her up and threw her over his shoulder. It earned an empty threat from her lips, something which Loki acknowledged only with a laugh. Making sure she knew that she looked for it herself. At such an odd position, it was nearly difficult to catch fully glimpses of their surroundings, but the air was tense enough not to ignore. That place was death laid upon death. They were running away from something, but what? Wasn’t this meant to be hell itself? The walk towards a bunker felt like hours. Though, it wasn’t a surprise that the sense of time felt dizzy, blurry when all you had in mind was running away to survive. Time didn’t matter. Despite arriving probably a couple of hours ago, it could have been years for anyone else out there. She was settled down when inside. They allowed her to stand up without untying her, which earned a glare from her. She stood still, pulling free from the tall-with a beard Loki (or so she assumed he was), and laid her heavy gaze upon the leader of them. He spent another five minutes giving out orders, ignoring her on purpose until her voice caught his attention again.

“Am I your prisoner now?”

He pretended to think about it. “I’d call it… my interesting guest.” Loki stood before her figure. One hand into his pocket, head tilted to the side with a gentle roll of shoulders. He was taller, which made it easier for him to lean in, gazing down. She could feel his cold breath against hers. Neither of them pulled away. Neither of them wanted to.

“But you wouldn’t let me go if I wanted to.” She guessed.

“You’ve just arrived, are you that eager to leave again?” He clicked his tongue with a shake of head. Like if disappointed, but his demeanor was calm. Cold. “After all, I believe I have yet to hear that story of us.”

That story. The thought of Loki (her Loki) made her grimace. The hollow of her chest wouldn’t leave.

“Is this…” She attempt to switch topic, holding out her tied hands before him. “How you treat your guests? I expected better from you.”

“You seem to expect lot of things from me. I don’t see it as my problem, darling.” She saw him taking another step closer. The trace of his cold fingers down her arm sent a shiver through her, but she held ground and stood still. It was a trick of intimidation. If he expected her to flinch away out of fear or not, he didn’t say it. Mischief was unmistakable within him. His fingers tapped on her wrists. Another second later, the ropes holding her hands still disappeared. She rubbed her wrists out of instinct.

“Pleased?”

“I would be if you gave me back my personal space.”

He smirked. “I thought you said you liked having me close. Body against body. Did you mean skin against skin too? See, that’s what I’m interested about. I want to find out what it means the way you look at me.”

She blinked, perplexed. It was difficult to pretend there wasn’t a place in her heart for Loki. Whatever Variant it might be. It was Loki in the end. She was the first one to take a step back. He was pleased at it.

“There is a story, but I don’t know if I want to tell you about it.”

“We have all the time in the world. I’m patient.”

“Then, there’s no way out?” It was the perfect timing to bring out another thought that has been chasing after her. If they weren’t dead, and this wasn’t hell, couldn’t they find a way out? “Nobody has made it?”

He shrugged, but his jaw tense briefly. Turning away from her, there was a throne-chair on the middle of the room, he hesitated just for one second before walking towards it at a steady speed. He sat down, with a bored expression when she could see his face again. “There’s no way out without dying. I saved your life, and you will remain here under my protection. That should be enough for you.”

There was no point in arguing when going out there alone meant a painful death, for sure. Perhaps with a cold head and enough time she could come up with a plan. If he noticed what her clothes meant, he didn’t say anything about it either. There were no given words, and being sitting and walking around the place with a cold gaze burning on her back (knowing it was him who didn’t take his eyes off of her, still sitting on the throne), she dozed off without meaning to.

.............

The sound of something opening and hurried steps woke her up. She straightened up with a quick, surprised widen-eyes. It took her a moment to realize the place was empty for the first time since she stepped inside, but the single figure that stood in the middle of the room, unmoving. Shadows cast upon the tall male figure. Her fingers lingered on her hidden knife, despite noticing the horns over his head. When he stepped into the dim lights, it wasn’t the frown on his forehead nor the slight heavy breaths he took that caught her attention, but he tight grip he remained on his own left arm. Long, trails of blood dripped from his fingers.

“Loki!” She didn’t think twice when managed to stand up and rush over. He seemed taken aback by her sudden reaction at his current state, tensed up. Like if he didn’t trust her, and he didn’t have reasons to. That didn’t stop her from touching his arm to examine the wound. He observed her. “What happened? Where did you go?”

His frown deepened at the memories, but attempted to brush it off with a shrug. “I happened to have betrayed myself. Ignorant Variants. They won’t last longer out there without me. I’ve been here longer than anyone else.”

Now wasn’t the time to focus on anything else. And even if there was no reason to help him.... there was one, in the end. She couldn’t leave him there. “We need to clean this up.” She declared when made up her mind. “Is this place safe anymore?”

“No.” He said, to both. “Why do you care all of a sudden? Last time, your gaze carried daggers at me.”

“Maybe love is a dagger.” She used those same words against him. Even if this wasn’t the Loki who said it. Allowing an annoyed smile, she shook her head. “It’s complicated.”

Minutes passed by. When she thought he wouldn’t say any other word, but turn around and leave her there, he spoke up.

“I believe there’s a story I have yet to know about. I want to hear about it, after we leave this place.”

“You will.” She hesitated. Her gaze met his, fingers ghosting over his stained shirt. “If you don’t make me kill you first.”