my last words will probably be sarcastic
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I constantly think about wanting to unlive this experience of life. I wouldn't necessarily say I'm sad or depressed. I could just be neutral happy & sad. It's just ... I don't think I'm meant to be here. What am I doing? Where I'm going? How much longer can I just coast by?
I believe no one ever truly figures out what they're purpose/meaning in life is. I believe I am living that statement. I have always felt uncomfortable. Uncomfortable in most of my surroundings. School, work, friends, family & relationships. I never necessarily felt like my presence was welcomed or wanted. If something in life doesn't make me feel good or serve at some purpose, whether it's for myself or the other. I cut that tie. I'm not left with much right now and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up.
I don't feel worthy enough to create a better life for myself. I don't feel like I should be here and I've felt that for most of my life. I absorb myself into fictional realties just to escape and sometimes, trying to break away is hard.
Maybe I'm just used to feeling like this and I just carry on. But, carrying on is wrong. I don't know what to do.
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hate that i love them so much <3
Red white & royal blue (2023)
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things i'm currently obsessed with...
the nightly
red, white & royal blue
heartstopper
afterglow
apricot & strawberry redbull
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are you the kind of person who reads a book and lets the story consume your whole soul to the point where it's all you can think about?
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