each time you fall in love | h.rj
âł huang renjun x fem!reader
synopsis: as a result of being coerced by jaemin to attend a stupid college party, he met you; got to know you; and lived â with you there to help guide him temporarily. without you, heâs become the type of person heâs ridiculed in the past. though thanks to you, heâs learned that the past is the past and life goes on.
genre: angst, fluff, college au
word count: 10k
warnings: cursing, mentions of cigarettes and alcohol, one sex scene but no explicit smut
playlist: here â *listen in order if possible
a/n: itâs finally here... iâm so proud of this, my first work thatâs longer than 3k words !! how exciting is that, and itâs only the beginning :] ( feedback is always lovely ) enjoy !
i. each time you fall in love
renjun is confused as to why heâs standing between sweaty bodies of frat boys when he could be laying down in his own clean sheets while binge watching a new show. but unfortunately not as his best friend just had to quite literally drag him to this party. jaemin has been pestering renjun into accompanying him to a party so renjun can finally âget some.â while in reality, the only âsomeâ renjun is in need of is a break, and attending an overly loud college party only to be pushed around by intoxicated, feral, and freakishly meaty boys isn't the break renjun is quite fond of.
the short boy has been on his tippy toes in an attempt to look for his friend who forced him here (apparently only to ditch him) in the sea of people. when his toes begin to cramp, renjun gives up and marches his way to the backyard. the wrinkles on his forehead begin to smooth as he feels the cool air relieve his slightly sweaty forehead.
he observes the area around him â people out here are dancing more appropriately than those inside, and the music is calmer too. he thinks the dimly lit backyard sets the mood well, complimenting the chill r&b music playing in the back. though, the calmness comes to an end when he hears the infamous loud voice of his good friend, donghyuck, calling his name from the side of the area.
renjun smiles at him and jeno, who is standing right beside donghyuck, feeling relieved that he will no longer look like a pathetic loner since heâs found a few friends who can make him feel less lonely. as he came closer to them, the acrid smell of their cigarettes became more prevalent.
âdidnât take you as a party guy, injunie.â donghyuck nudges him with his shoulder as renjun finds place in between the two, resting his back against the fence.
âthatâs because iâm not.â
jeno chuckles at his response, âso jaemin finally succeeded.â renjun huffs at the statement. âwell, at least enjoy it now that youâre here.âdonghyuck makes a noise of agreement.
âand you guys consider smoking in the corner fun?â renjun eyes the boys, obviously joking with them but is also curious if they genuinely find pleasure in welcoming those toxins into their system. donghyuck clicks his tongue and pushes it against the inside of his cheek, chuckling.
âwell, apparently you, a prude, think being a virgin is fun. but i guess we all have different definitions of enjoyment, huh?â donghyuck teases before taking another hit, releasing the smoke and polluting the air.
renjun blinks repeatedly to moisten his burning eyes, âyeah, i expect that same attitude from you when you need an inhaler every five seconds. thatâs the only thing youâll ever hit then.â
jeno coughs out puffs of smoke as he laughs at the feisty remark, âyouâve done pissed him off, hyuck.â he bumps renjunâs shoulder, âhere â take a hit, itâll feel better.â jeno places the cigarette in front of renjunâs face and winks at him.
renjun mockingly smiles at the taller boy before rolling his eyes and heartily laughing at the banter between him and his good pals.
the boy observes how the smoke leaves the tip of the cigarette to form patterns in the air, creating an infinite amount of stems and designs. similar to a camera lens, his focus on the killing object in front of him blurs and readjusts on a dancing figure directly behind the cigarette from afar.
jeno slowly drops his hand down as he sees his friendâs gaze shift to another hazardous entity â a girl. specifically, you. âyou know her?â
renjun thinks about his answer, because you guys donât know each other personally nor have even talked to one another but he does know of you but he doesnât want to sound like a creep. saving himself from more insults, he shakes his head. âmaybe i should, though.â
not that he pays attention but heâs seen you at a couple of his classes last year, but sadly none this year â renjun guesses itâs due to the difference of majors. he remembers how youâd always come in late, but not too late. just late enough for everyone to stop what theyâre doing and watch you walk down to your seat. or maybe that was just a natural effect of yours that you hold on people. i mean, renjun didnât miss to notice that you put thought into your outfit for every class even if it was a boring lecture. hell, you could even show up to class hungover and in pajamas (which youâve done a shameful amount of times before) and still manage to catch everyoneâs attention.
renjun has a pair of functioning eyes with clear vision, if heâs aided by his glasses or contacts, so he is very much aware of your charming looks. tonight was different, though. you danced confidently right in the center of the grass, with a drink in your hands that hasnât spilled once thanks to your graceful mannerisms. with the fairy lightsâ glow hitting your skin, making you glimmer underneath the nearly black sky, renjun thought you couldnât get any prettier.
he was about to inform his friends that heâll be getting a drink, but notices that the two boys had already left his side. he cowered at the thought of him just standing there alone with nothing and no one to accompany him while he shamelessly stared at you. worsening the churning feeling in his stomach, your gaze meets his while you continue to dance to the sensual music. your hips swaying to the sedate beat while your arms draw imaginary shapes and lines as you dance, you look behind your bare shoulder to maintain eye contact.
you shoot a smile first, renjun immediately gives you one back as he straightens his posture. renjun sees you giggling at his actions followed up by whispering something in your friendâs ear, simultaneously handing your drink to her, to which she pushes you toward his direction and gently taps your bottom. your friend smirks at your figure as you begin to step closer to the lone boy.
renjun isnât sure if it was the alcohol taking control or you were just this bold, strutting your way toward him â a boy who you donât even know.
you halt your steps when you stand in front of him, getting a clear view of his pretty face. âyou seem a bit lonely.â
renjun gulps, collecting his confidence. âjust a bit.â
âwould you like some company then?â
renjun smiles after clearing his throat. âi would like that.â he stares at your features, admiring the dots on your face that would resemble star constellations if someone were to draw lines to connect them. possibly, he could be that person if given the chance. âiâm renjun.â heâs smart enough to wipe his hands discreetly behind him before putting them out for you to shake.
you grin at the gesture. itâs as if people, especially college boys, seem to forget what a handshake is and immediately go in for a hug or a grip on the waist, or both, in the first meeting. ânice to meet you, renjun. iâm y/n.â you take his hand and shake it lightly. âi think iâve seen you in one of my classes before? i might be wrong.â you tilt your head slightly. renjun almost melts at the sight.
he smiles again before nodding, eyes shining. âyeah, iâm shocked you remember. that was a while back and i donât usually talk during class.â he laughs. it seems that every time you smile back, his palms become sweatier and his body temperature increases.
âdonât worry, pretty boys like you donât need to do much to catch yourself some attention.â
renjun laughs nervously at the compliment, fiddling with the ends of his oversized jacket. âi, um, yeah- thank you.â his eyes twinkled as he spoke, the moonlight hitting the highest points of his face precisely. clearing his throat, âyou wanna go sit over there?â he points to the chairs near your standing figures. you nod and begin to walk your way toward the spot with renjun following suit.
renjun isnât sure how it happened. how the night turned from arguing with jaemin over a pointless party to now â not wanting to leave the damn place. how he was able to maintain a real conversation with you, not some excruciatingly boring small talk that neither party enjoys. he learned much about your character and questioned how much more perfect you can get. on the other hand, you learned that renjun makes pleasant company as he eases through the night talking to you about anything. he made any topic worth listening to, only if heâs the one doing the talking.
as he drove home with a drunk jaemin snoring beside him in the passenger seat, he realized that, for once, renjun was thankful that his best friend is the most stubborn person on the planet and made him go to that stupid frat party.
because now, youâve got him in your hands and he was completely okay with that.
ii. and each time you kiss a girl
the warmth from the convenience storeâs heater is so overbearing that renjun clutches onto the cold beer package â which his friends made him go buy after losing a game of rock, paper, scissors â to his chest. itâs another guysâ night thatâll end with his group of friends slumped on the floor, leaving renjun (the only conscious one) to carry them into their respective beds. thatâs how they always end.
they start the same, too; donghyuck typically arrives late while the others choose the video game or movie for the night, but he makes up for it because he brings a gift (typically a box of chicken wings) as a sign of forgiveness for his tardy. then, someone is forced to walk down to the store to buy more alcohol, and unfortunately, tonight â it was renjun.
the frown on the boyâs face disappears when he hears the loud twinkles from the door which indicate that someone has entered â you dressed in clothing thatâs way too big on you but renjun thinks itâs still cute. he smiles at the sight of you but looks away when heâs come to his senses and realizes that heâs wearing his spider-man pajama bottoms along with his matching socks that were seen through his black pairs of crocs. if it makes it any better, his top is just a regular grey hoodie. his eyes set on the floor as he waits for the person in front of him to finish paying for their stuff.
hearing the last beep from the cash register relieves his worries, yet, he is still so far. ânice pants.â
renjun slowly turns his body to the side to see you snickering at him. he decides to joke back since heâs taken note that you like playful banter, âyeah, they should be! designer, yâknow.â he jokingly clicks his tongue and flaunts the red pajamas.
he smiles brighter and his shoulders relax when your giggles increase. âoh i bet,â you nod and wink. âwhat are you doing here so late, jun?â
his heartbeat skips at the nickname. âmy friends need more alcohol, they say.â
âoh, yeah? midterms can have that effect.â renjun hums at your statement, fully agreeing. âi saw you with jeno at the party?â
renjun raises an eyebrow briefly as he gestures to you to pay before him. âyou know him?â
you smile at the cashier before turning back to renjun who continues to stand coyly behind you. âweâve hung out a couple times, nothing much. heâs nice.â you nod at your words. âyou guys close?â
renjun hums. âvery. quite odd that i havenât heard your name pop up.â
chuckling, âweâre not that close. we actually kinda drifted apart after the first year here.â
renjun wants to inquire about what happened but he doesnât want to barge into your privacy. âgot it.â
you finish paying for your late-night snacks and step aside so renjun could pay for the beverages. you watch him smile shyly at the cashier and say a small âthank you,â before putting his attention back to you.
you walk side by side in silence as you make it outside, finally feeling the cool breeze that the night brings after being inside of what it seemed like a sauna.
âi guess this is where we part ways.â you drag the last word while you eye renjun whoâs looking at you softly.
he parts his lips to speak but pauses, then shakes his head. âi should walk you to your place, itâs too late for you to be walking alone.â he waits for your response but you were taken back because as sad as it sounds, no boy has offered you any kind of gesture like that in the past. renjun starts to overthink his words and thinks he made himself look like a stalker wanting to know where you live. âi-i mean, like, if youâre okay with that, of course.â
you put your hand on his arm to calm him, âno, no, itâs okay. i would really, really appreciate that.â you give him a smile that convinces him that you donât think heâs some weirdo.
the boy stands timidly, he hesitates whether to take the first steps. thankfully, you take the lead and begin to walk the direction you came from. âhow are your midterms treating ya?â
renjun laughs. âkicking my ass, you?â
âiâve been trying to distract myself,â you face him. âyâknow, keeping myself sane by doing other things instead of choosing to drown in papers.â
renjun nods as he kicks some rocks while you both walk on the sidewalk. he wordlessly walks to your other side when he realizes that youâre the one standing near the open road, even though there are no cars around at this late hour. nonetheless, he always wants you to be safe. you smile at the action and the intentions of it, âwhen heâs a gentleman.â you pretend to fan yourself making renjun let out a loud laugh.
he plays along. âi try, i try,â pursing his lips and shrugging his shoulders.
the giggling stops along with your footsteps as you approach the front of your complex. âthank you for walking me.â renjun likes seeing you like this. in front of him, you stand as you fidget with your fingers and renjun could just coo at the sight but he refrains himself. it seems like to renjun that he makes a fool out of himself whenever you speak to him. he curses at the natural talent of yours that makes the well-spoken boy forget his vocabulary when you flash a quick smile. seeing you in this coy state boosts his confidence.
âno biggie, i enjoyed the walk.â
you giggle, âit was barely three minutes.â
he smiles. âi know.â and pauses. âbut any time is lovely when itâs with you.â
quirking an eyebrow and smirking at him, âgrowing some balls finally?â
he stuffs his hands in the pockets of his hoodie after setting the heavy box of beer bottles on the floor, smiling, âpossibly.â
âwell then, i canât wait for what the future has in store.â
a sudden wave of confidence and the inflation of his ego waves through him, big enough for his hand to reach up and cup your cheek, pulling you into a kiss. maybe it was the banter that both of you were engaging in that served as encouragement. or because he was able to recognize earlier that the effect you have on him was the same effect he has on you. or itâs just your aura, how you were able to make him feel at ease even if he had no damn clue what to say to you. possibly it could be how you allow the silence to prolong, never forcing a topic or asking generic questions to get rid of the silence. frankly, he doesnât care how it happened. not when heâs kissing you, and when youâre kissing him back. he pushes all the thoughts away and lets himself feel you. the cold lips pressed against his softly, the delicate hands resting on his chest. all he cares about is you kissing him back tenderly with the same eagerness, yet, the kiss remains delicate as if you were both made of glass.
renjunâs other hand lands on the small of your back as you become closer to him, chest to chest. your lips moving against each other at the perfect speed with the perfect combination of tenacious and softness.
you pull away first which was a struggle to do. renjunâs smile automatically greets you as you open your eyes slowly. âi, um, should get going. donât want the beer getting warm or theyâll kick my ass.â he laughs nervously, throat dry.
he forces his eyes to focus on yours, but they so desperately want to switch their gaze down to your plump lips that were just on his a moment ago.
âyes, of course. saving your ass from a beating is always favorable.â you pause. âwell, for most people.â you force yourself to stop talking before more nonsense comes out of you but renjun looks amused at your rambling, smiling wide and fighting back his laughter. you reciprocate a smile. clearing your throat, âanyways, thank you again. iâll see you later?â
âiâll see you later,â he confirms. renjun watches you walk up to the entrance and waits until he sees through the glass door that youâve reached the short flight of stairs, waiting a little longer just in case.
walking up the stairs, you had to hold onto the railing as your knees felt weak. your fingertips touch your tingling lips.
a smile forms on both of your faces. you enter your place, crashing on the couch, looking up at the ceiling, and seeing stars. renjun picks up the beverages and begins the short walk back to his own place, admiring the sky along the way.
the boyâs mind and heart are racing, his whole body is pulsing. he kissed you. the flipping in his stomach never stops when he remembers the feeling of your touch. his fingertips feel numb from the tingling. the stupid smile on his face wonât leave even if he forces it to by pushing his lip corners down. it was hard to stand steadily, let alone walk. he couldnât stop his brain from replaying the moment in his head, though he wasnât complaining.
he wonders if these same side effects will happen after each time he kisses you in the future. smiling down at the ground, heâll find out soon enough.
iii. she took you for a ride in summer, baby
the sound of your fits of laughter and joyful screams echo in the tunnel as renjun is too busy taking in the pressure of the powerful wind as you press on the gas pedal harder. your midterm exams are over. both of you celebrate the end of your suffering by driving around the city in your convertible, feeling free. the boyâs knees rest on the leather passenger seat, an elbow on top of the front shield while the other reaches for the stars as the view above you of a cement dome is replaced with a shining crescent moon in the middle of the dark sky.
its light illuminating on renjunâs face, he smiles wider when he looks up above him. he then looks down at you looking at him, and swears that youâre more radiant than the shower of stars lighting up the black sky.
no matter how many times heâs heard it, renjun believes that thereâs nothing more warm than the sound of your melodic laughter. he will never get enough of the twinkle in your eyes, and the way it glows as the street lamps and traffic lights reflect on your skin. he sees you smiling with your hair pulled back due to the wind, he is such a goner and he did not mind at all.
âhaving fun up there?â you yell out, eyes still focused on the road.
renjun looks around. the tall city buildings that surround him are still lit up despite the late hour. if he squints enough, heâd be able to get a glimpse of the people inside working hard and conversing with one another over their nth cup of coffee. then he looks back at you. âyeah,â he yells back before carefully lowering his body so he can sit down. putting his seatbelt back on, âwhat a thrill.â he speaks with the soft voice that always makes your stomach flip.
âitâs nice to let go, you should do it more often.â
he laughs. âdo i not already?â
âyouâre kidding, right?â you turn your head toward him for a split second to scan his face. âyouâre always on edge, jun.â
tilting his head and humming, âi donât know about that. i just snuck out to the vending machine past the dorm curfew last night.â
you mockingly gasp, âyou did not!â
he nods, âbut i did, though.â you giggle and shake your head at him.
âall iâm saying is to live a little more, itâs fun.â
âeasier said than done, but i accept the challenge.â
renjun stares at you, loving the way your fingers tap on the steering wheel to the beat of the music thatâs blasting. he loves looking at you. you are something to be admired, itâs a must for renjun or the beauty would just be a waste if no one were to stare.
you are so beautiful to him. even if he tries, he cannot put it into words how your beauty strikes him every time you and him share glances, and when he steals them.
the boy refuses to extinguish the spark that ignites when you reach over to hold his hand, caressing it softly. he willingly opens up the cage in his stomach to release the trapped butterflies, eager to soar. he doesnât care that his hands are sweating and neither do you. the only thing he cares about is you here with him, experiencing the beauty of the tranquil night amidst the chaos in his heart and mind.
love has that effect. the carelessness it comes with allows one to live like itâs your last night and feel emotions that you never even knew existed.
the new song that plays through the carâs speakers perfectly encapsulates how it feels to be in love, but more specially, how it feels to be in love with you. the drums are steady, consistent, never missing a beat nor adding one, and are being voiced over by the synthesizer â yet, itâs all renjunâs ears are picking up. the dreamlike layering of vocals and hums feels serene and so captivating at the same time. renjun finds himself humming along without even knowing the damn words. still, he continues to confidently bob his head off beat and hum whatever sounds right.
somehow, the well-assured off beat tapping of his foot and bopping of his head resembles him and you. you lead, renjun follows. you propose an idea, renjun doesnât even second guess it. he may not know whatâs going on half the time when heâs with you, but he doesnât need to know all the details to bask in the fireworks that explode in him. itâs clear that renjunâs eyes has been shining brighter, his smiles are wider and last longer, his laughs bounce on the walls harder, and random actions of kindness to strangers â as simple as holding the door, smiling at a stranger he crosses path with, and even complimenting a random person just because he likes the color of their top â are easier to do as opposed to before. before he met you, the outside was scary. now, heâs beginning to put himself out there. renjunâs ways of âbeing more out thereâ may seem small compared to what you do, but itâs still a big step for renjun and apparently his friends arenât so used to him voluntarily going to (stupid) parties. renjun, deep down, still thinks theyâre stupid but his perspective on parties immediately switches the moment he sees you enjoying yourself in the middle of the dance floor, usually with a cup in your hand, an arm around a friend, and a blinding smile on your face â renjun refuses to look away.
maybe if renjun loves you enough, he thought, heâll be able to succeed in the challenge of âliving more.â though with you, there are no âmaybeâs,â he believes heâs unstoppable if you remain by his side. you make him feel as if his life has finally begun.
he doesnât realize heâs been staring for a while until you turn to look him in the eye. your crescent moon shaped eyes greet his doe ones, your cold hand reaching over to squeeze his sweaty one lightly as you smile at him before putting your attention back to the road. he continues to admire you. beautiful. he thinks to himself. one word that embodies you so well. how beautiful you are, the feelings you make him feel, the experiences you bring to him that heâs always daydreamed of prior to meeting you, the addicting taste of life you help him attain â how beautiful your love is.
iv. each time you have a dream
renjun tries to calm his pounding heartbeat so it doesnât interrupt your sleep. you fell asleep on top of him after inviting him over to study but the only studying youâve been going over is the health benefits of a cuddle, or two. youâve got renjun engaging in tooth rotting sweetness that his friends never deemed to even think renjun was capable of doing. he just cannot get enough of the light in your eyes when he reciprocates with the flirting and touches you initiate. heâd do anything to catch a glimpse of the sparkle in your eyes while your smile begins to pain your cheeks.
at this point, renjun has built a familiarity with your apartment since heâs been here so many times since the little âthingâ you have going on with one another has started three months ago. he wishes to take you outside and do what couples do, or what he thinks couples do since heâs never actually been with someone. though, both your schedules prevent that from happening. youâve become so busy apparently to the point where youâve stopped going to parties, leaving renjun â who only goes to parties thinking youâd be there â alone in the crowd. although taking you out on a proper date or even dancing together in the middle of a room filled with stinky frat boys is desired, he can get used to you sleeping peacefully on his chest in the safety of your room for now.
your hair is sprawled out, chest moving up and down against his chest slowly with your fingers tangled in his dark hair. he sighs contently as he watches you sleep. he twirls your hair as he uses his other hand to caress your back. his eyes wander around your face, capturing the image of your relaxed expression. renjun tries his best to remember how evenly spaced your eyelashes are as they brush your skin; he keeps track of your deep breaths that leave your parted lips; he smiles at the way your nose scrunches every once in a while as you dream. despite you being asleep for an hour, leaving renjun to lay in silence, he isnât bored since he has his favorite view right in front of him.
you groan, vibrations reaching renjunâs chest. he pushes the front stands of your hair to reveal your barely open eyes. oh, how stunning you look with saliva stained skin. the dust balls sitting in the corner of your eyes compliment the whole look. he smiles at you struggling to keep your eyes open.
he is almost certain that you can feel his pounding heartbeat through his thick knitted sweater, but he couldnât care less. heâs gotten used to the effect you have on him. annoyingly, the intensity of those effects have not lessened over time. âgo back to sleep.â he resumes to caress your hair, fingers running through it delicately.
âno,â you prop your chin on top of his chest, eyes wandering his features as his fingertips graze your cheek. âyou must be bored.â
he speaks softly, âi could never be that when iâm with you.â
you snort, satisfied with his response. âyour game has gotten better.â you grab his hand resting on your cheek to interlock your fingers, feeling his cold metallic rings against your warm skin. âstill cheesy, though.â your breath hits his face since the space between your faces is barely even there.
renjun only responds with a chuckle. you frown at his silence. usually, heâd come back with a snarky remark just how you like it. âwhy so quiet?â
âyour breath stinks.â
now becoming fully awake, you slap your palms against his chest to lift yourself up with an offended look plastered on your face. he laughs at how hard your eyebrows are furrowing. his contagious laughter makes it hard for you to maintain your frown, âyou sure know how to get a lady going.â
âwell, i have been doing my research.â he pushes on his hands behind him to sit up and position you so youâre straddling his lap, your bed sheets tangled between your legs.
renjun laughs wholeheartedly when he sees you trying to discreetly check your breath. you turn your head to the side and cup one hand around your lips, breathing out. his heart goes insane, hands grabbing yours to halt your actions that he had caused. he pulls you toward him abruptly for a kiss, hands sliding down your body and finding a place on your waist.
he barely separates from you, his eyes trained on your lips. âi was just kidding.â his lips brush against yours as he talks. as you were about to retaliate, he beats you to it as he puts his lips back onto yours. moving them slowly and softly, he hums into the kiss. renjun loves the velvety feeling of your lips rubbing against him. the boy nibbles at your bottom lip, tongue swiping across it tenderly before you open your mouth wide enough for him to slip into your mouth and be greeted by your plush tongue. renjun smiles when his tongue relishes the taste of the fruity drink you had earlier. he remains gentle with his motions.
both your hands stay as they are, his on your waist while yours rest on his chest, occasionally gripping the fluffy fabric of his sweater. his tongue retreats and he gives you a long kiss before pulling away.
âyou smell good.â you roll your eyes at his words, lightly slapping his arm. âtaste good too.â
you groan, âi knew you were gonna say that!â you both laugh while you remove yourself from his lap to get off the bed.
he looks up at you with annoying puppy eyes and a pout, âyou know me so well, honey.â
âunfortunately.â
renjun pouts, getting off the bed to stand beside you. âyou donât mean that.â he smiles, wrapping his arms around you.
you let out a breathy laugh, âwhere is all this affection coming from? whereâs the shy boy i met at the party?â you begin to walk out to your living room with renjun following suit.
âwell, youâve done wonders.â you and him find a comfortable spot on the couch with you settling in his arms.
âi didnât know i was that powerful, you should be nicer to me because of that.â
renjun pinches your sides, looking offended, âdo i not treat you well enough already?â he clicks his tongue and ruffles your hair messily.
you continue to smile at him while he reaches over to his bag sitting on the floor right in front of the couch, digging into it before pulling out his sketchbook and a pencil. âlet me draw you.â
he grabs you by the shoulders to make you sit in front of him then eyes you up and down as you both change positions so both of you are sitting at each end of the couch. âand if itâs good enough, you gotta let me take you out on a date.â
âshow me what you got, art major.â
renjun begins by examining your figure â not that he needs to focus on your features more since heâs got everything about you memorized, but because he simply just wants to.
the sound of the lead scratching against the paper is calming along with renjunâs humming. he notes the way you're seated on the couch, knees to your chest as your chin rests on top of them. you begin to hum with him as the silence becomes overbearing for you to which he chuckles since your humming is not synchronized with his at all. he still bops his head.
the ambiance of the room is soothing. no words are being exchanged, yet, itâs still comfortable. instead, long glances, flirting eyes, and smiles are the ones doing the communicating.
giggling, the view in front of you entertains you. renjunâs tongue is poking out and resting between his lips with his eyebrows furrowed so deeply as his hand doesnât stop moving.
âiâm gonna fall asleep,â you yawn.
renjun boos. âyou just woke up. câmon, i need my model to be awake.â he halts his movements to look up at you, his face immediately softens when he sees you rubbing your eyes and attempting to refrain a yawn.
you slowly nod, âno promises, though.â
he laughs once more before resuming, his eyes begin to linger on your face and body before putting his attention back to the drawing pad on his lap. you swear you could see stars in his eyes, you smirk.
as the sound of the satisfying pencil scratches against the rough paper fills your ears more and the sunset glow begins to creep through your windows further, the heavier your eyelids become. itâd be a lie if you said you tried to keep yourself awake. the sweet atmosphere was just too good.
when renjun looks back at you, he smiles and shakes his head. already, your mouth is wide open, releasing soft snores into the air. he rips the finished drawing out of his sketchbook before placing it on top of your table. with a black pen that he retrieved from the very bottom of his bag, he writes, is this good enough?
after gathering all his belongings, he remains on the couch, watching you like youâre his favorite show â and in some ways, you actually are. too good to be true. you are ethereal underneath the sunsetâs light, the mixed hues of orange and pink paint your skin perfectly.
renjun wishes to take a picture but he remembers that you arenât comfortable with picture taking as youâve told him before. youâve stated a few times that you want to wait until telling both your friends, and renjun respects that. it works in renjunâs favor as well since heâs not fully ready to deal with the teasing from his amazing group of pals.
he stares a little longer to ensure that this memory will be clear even a year or two (or forever) later. he pushes himself up off of the couch, picking up his bag then walking over next to your sleeping body. he leans down carefully, afraid that heâll disrupt your peace, to place a gentle kiss on your cheek before leaving your apartment.
v. you never know what it means
renjunâs shoulders slump, eyes leaving his phone immediately after reading the first word of the text you had just sent him â âsorry.â he doesnât need to read the rest of the message to know. another ârain check.â
itâs been nearly a month since youâve promised him a date and each time the plans have been finalized, something comes up at the last minute. he tries to be understanding but he canât help feeling discouraged, questioning whether you even want to go out with him.
sighing, he opens his phone and replies with a simple âitâs alright. next time, for sure.â renjun isnât even sure himself if his message holds truth to it. he wishes it does.
a knock on his bedroom door interrupts his thoughts, he yells out a âcome inâ before seeing jaeminâs head pop out from the other side. âi thought you had somewhere to be?â
renjun shrugs. âfigured i stay home instead.â
âoh, well, iâm going out with jeno. wanna come with?â renjun smiles weakly at the offer, but shakes his head softly.
âi got some work to catch up on, but thank you.â
âwhatever you say, injunie. we probably wonât be back until late late, party nights yâknow.â jaemin winks before shutting the door. renjun takes off the shirt heâs been saving to wear for your first date and tosses it on the bed the moment he hears their front door close indicating that heâs now home alone. he collects enough energy to dress himself into comfortable clothing. the worries slowly empty out of him as he changes.
in an attempt to get his mind off of things, he opens his drawer of paint, canvases, and other supplies. he leans over his desk to open the window in front of it, revealing the beautiful night sky and being met with a needed refreshing breeze.
the boy begins to gather his supplies while simultaneously unlocking his phone to play music. renjun settles down on the desk and looks up at the view beyond the window before blotting various dark colors on the canvas, attempting to match the shade of the sky. he pouts at the absence of stars in the polluted sky but he makes note to still paint some on there later, creating his desired image.
painting actually did wonders much to renjunâs surprise. heâs been sitting still in the same desk for a few hours, painting and adding more details on his canvas that he pretends to see in the real model. he drops the paintbrush in his hand into the water cup causing some droplets of tainted water to splash on his face but he doesnât flinch.
while wiping his glasses, his bright phone creates a glare from the side of his eye. he adjusts his glasses back on and wipes his hands on his old grey sweatpants before picking up his phone, his spine straightens at the notification.
y/n: you sleeping yet?
renjun contemplates whether to answer or act like heâs not awake. another vibration hits his hand from his phone.
y/n: jun :(
he throws his head back as his fingers begin to type for him, looking back at the screen to check for spelling errors before clicking send. he hates how easy he can be when it comes to you. yet, he doesnât regret it at all.
h. renjun: not yet.
y/n: good cuz iâm outside your place
renjunâs eyes nearly pop out of his skull after reading your text. he pushes himself out of his chair and scurries his way to the front door, taking a deep breath and flattening his shirt with his hands before unlocking it.
both your eyes meet instantly. âhi,â renjun croaks.
renjun tries to keep a stern face but is so tempted to pull you in for a hug when he sees you fiddling with the leather jacket hanging from your shoulders.
âsorry for coming over unannounced.â you pause. âand for bailing on our date. again.â
renjun breathes out. âi said it was alright.â silently, he moves over to the side to allow you inside.
the door clicks behind you. âis it though?â you step closer to him, seeing him tense up.
he nods firmly. âyeah, really.â he clears his throat when you continue to stare at him. âi thought you were busy?â
shrugging, âfinished stuff early. i wanted to come see you.â
renjun softens. âwell, now you see me.â he takes a step forward before enveloping you into a hug. renjun catches a hint of alcohol in your scent. he pulls away, âyou went to the party? jaemin was talking about some party earlier. you went?â renjun tries to conceal his hurt. he feels slight regret in inquiring about it because he doesnât want to hear the confirmation that you ditched your date for that one stupid party that he didnât attend.
âi did â but my roommates were the one who made me go after i finished my work. i didnât really have a choice,â you grab his hands and squeeze them. âi promise i didnât bail out because of that.â
the boy visibly relaxes, relieved that you didnât willingly choose a lame party over him. âoh okay,â he pauses. âyou arenât tired?â
you lean forward to wrap your arms around his neck, making his stomach flip and his arms instinctively slither around your waist securely. âi wanted to come over.â renjun attentively watches how your face comes closer to his, thinking youâd kiss him but you swerve your head and place it near his ear, planting a small kiss underneath it. âlet me make it up to you.â
the warmth of your breath and the softness of your voice sends shivers down his spine. you push your lips together while blindly guiding your bodies toward his bedroom. renjunâs hands hold onto your waist as his lips begin to sync with yours. renjun isnât sure how it happened â how he ended up on his bed with you hovering over him, painting his skin with colors heâs never been covered in by using your mouth.
renjun grabs you by the shoulder, halting your movements. âwait, didnât you drink?â
giggling, âbarely, jun.â you lean to kiss his neck but he backs away. huffing, âtrust me, that was hours ago. iâm completely sober by now.â you pout. âdonât you want this?â
âyes, yes. of course i do,â renjunâs body eases to your touch when you rest your hands on his chest, pushing him to lay on the soft sheets completely. renjun isnât sure how this is happening, but he wants you so bad, he is hungry to feel the love you have to offer. he couldnât wait to feel it. âitâs just-â his eyes scan your face. âiâve never done anything like this before.â
a soft smile appears on your face and renjun calms at the sight. âiâll take care of you, jun.â
soon enough, the clothing is on the floor and kisses are being spread all over your heated bodies. the boyâs heart races as you reach lower and lower. he wishes to speak sweet nothings in this moment but he could barely think straight nor talk coherently. only the jagged breaths and quiet noises that escape both of you along with the bed squeaking fill the atmosphere.
foreign sensations run through his body and fill his veins, yet he feels as if something is missing. his hands are planted on the sheets, squeezing it rhythmically each time your body moves on top of him. he wants to kiss you, caress you, whisper in your ear how beautiful you look, and he hopes that youâd do the same to him.
oh, how stunning you look glowing underneath the moonlight shining through his open window. the cool breeze hits your bodies causing goosebumps to rise. renjun is breathless at the sight and feeling of you. he doesnât want this to end. he wishes to keep holding onto you while you grip his bare skin like youâll never leave him; like heâs all that you need.
you keep moving, renjun grabs a hold of your waist and attempts to move as well. the noises you emit sound heavenly; the scratches on his chest are painfully pleasurable. renjunâs lips are tingling, desperately wanting your taste on his tongue, but renjun is captivated by the view of you. your eyes completely shut, mouth wide open, hair strands sticking out, the beads of sweat sliding down your bare body. renjun doesn't want to ruin the moment. he contemplates whether to compliment how you look and feel, but you appear as if you are in another dimension, asking not to be disrupted.
both of you let out a loud groan as your motions begin to slow. renjun anticipates the kiss heâs been yearning for but instead, you remove yourself from on top of him and plop down next to him on the bed, opening your eyes when you face away from him.
renjun stays still, looking up at the ceiling as he tries to recollect the moments that just happened. he looks over at you, your back greets him.
goosebumps are still evident on your skin. he pulls the blanket over your body and moves closer to you. he isnât sure what he should be feeling at this moment. supposedly ecstatic and blissful and content after he had just slept with the girl that he loves. the hollowness in his chest should have been mended, yet somehow, itâs become deeper. the tingling on his lips have gone away and dropped down to the center of his chest. he recalls the time his friends have told him the stories of their first times saying how it did not fulfill their (young teenage) sexual expectations at first, as a way to comfort himself.
renjun canât help but feel that something is missing as you lay beside his bare body, back turned against him. not knowing you are wide awake as well.
vi. itâs clearly not enough
two weeks; since renjun last saw you. the texts he receives from you are short but you always respond quickly, making the boy less disappointed.
you still text regularly and a few phone calls here and there when renjun needs your soothing voice to fall asleep. itâs pathetic, heâs aware.
renjun canât believe heâs at the point where the only way to cure his insomnia is to pick up his phone and ring you up. he doesnât know another method that is as effective. yes, heâs tried being more physically active throughout the day, yet, he still laid awake those couple of nights. a warm glass of milk didnât do the switch in his system. not even listening to white noises could lull him to slumber. hell, he even started counting sheeps.
if only he knew from the beginning that a simple phone call of yours would be the solution, he wouldâve called you right away. he didnât discover the wonders of your calming voice until you called him during one of his long nights, in which he was fighting for his life trying not to fall asleep on you during the first ten minutes of your conversation. after those ten minutes, the sound of snoring boomed from the other side of the call. since then, itâs become a routine for renjun to text you before his bedtime to make sure you can spare a few minutes so he can get a good rest.
unfortunately, tonight, it doesnât seem that renjun will be getting a good night's sleep. he places his phone down to his side when he hears the robotic voice from the other side of the call for the third time. he scrunches his face and huffs. he misses you. eventually over time, heâs become fond of your touch and the noises you make when he touches you back. possibly, too fond. he apparently misses you so much that heâs willing to get out of the comfort of his bed and commute to your place. surely, the âlife of the partyâ girl is not already sleeping when itâs barely reaching midnight.
âfuck it,â he curses underneath his breath. the boy pushes himself off of his bed, not bothering to change his clothing as he believes that his matching red plaid pajama set is presentable enough. clicking the side of his phone, it read â11:26.â the boy estimates that heâll be knocking at your door by 11:45 pm.
and his estimation was precise, there he was knocking at your door. he tugs on his sleeves while waiting for you to open the door, a smile already present for you to see. becoming impatient and in a desperate need of your warm embrace, renjun knocks once more.
he murmurs a countdown from âfiveâ and immediately crunches down to your mat at âzero,â lifting the fabric and snatches your keys thatâs underneath it. he chuckles at the thought of you thinking that placing your keys underneath your mat, the most known tactic and the first thing thieves would probably do before breaking in, would be a brilliant idea.
renjun feels giddy when inserting the keys into the knob and twisting it, sighing happily when met with the air trapped inside of your home. to his surprise, the lights in your living room and kitchen are off. he kicks off his slides before wandering toward your bedroom with his hands stuffed in his pajamaâs pockets and a small grin on his face as he looks around, remembering the memories made with you in this place. how you two have spent countless hours on your couch talking, laughing, cuddling, staring, and doing absolutely nothing at times. turning his head over to the kitchen on his left, he lets out a small breathy laugh when he recalls the time you miserably failed at cooking him dinner. he can still vividly remember that moment and the horrid smell still lingers in his senses.
the cold doorknob of the bedroom door greets his warm hand, causing shivers to arise throughout his body. the boy bites his smile as he opens the door, eager to see you. the lighting in your room is dim, making renjunâs sight even worse. renjunâs hand reaches for the light switch beside him, turning on the lights only to reveal two lumps formed beneath the sheets.
renjun feels everything in his system shut down when he sees you laid upon another man, fingers in his hair and your head resting on top of his chest just how you were when renjun was last here, except he was the one holding you then.
renjun storms out of your place and slams the door, making sure you jolt out of your sleep and out of the strangerâs arms. he pulls out his phone as he continues to scurry out of the building, vision blurry but he still manages to unlock his phone and type a message.
h. renjun: i hope youâre proud of yourself, donât talk to me.
the phone in his hand vibrates almost immediately, causing renjunâs heart to nearly jump out. he sighs when he sees itâs just jaemin asking where heâs gone to at midnight. pathetic, pathetic, pathetic. he thinks to himself
the time with you and the memories you created with him (that renjun knows heâll never forget), made him believe that all the lies were true. how amazing you are. the tears welling up blur his vision and his knees weaken, leading him to trip and stumble back home.
renjun pushes through the door, not caring about the late hour. with his head down to hide his stained cheeks from his peers sat in the living room, he walks to his room and immediately locks it when the door shuts behind him. he drops himself on the bed, eyes closed, taking deep breaths in effort to calm himself but he cannot prevent his mind from flashing back to moments spent with you. he continuously taps on his phone to check if youâve responded, but it seems that youâre still dreaming away with that other man.
soft knocks on the door can be barely heard along with soft talking coming from his friends on the other side of the door. âjun,â he cringes at the name they call him. âyou alright?â
the boy musters just enough energy to hum loudly for them to hear past the barrier. without having a good nightâs sleep and seeing the person he loves, or loved, cuddling on the same bed they used to with another person, renjun barely has the energy to lift a finger and open his eyes. though, he perseveres and manages to unlock his phone and type a quick message to the group chat reassuring them that heâs fine. to be frank, he isnât in the mood to fake a smile and let out an ingenuine laugh while his friends do stupid shit for his entertainment. heâd rather lie through a screen. laying on his soft comforting bed, face buried into the pillows, is ideal.
renjun turns his body to face the ceiling and barely notices that heâs crying until a tear slips down the side of his face and lands on his neck, followed by another tear and then another. he feels oddly calm. despite his skin being stained by tears, he is breathing. closing his eyes, he tries to block out every memory spent with you.
the first step of discarding you: reaching over for his phone, blinded by the bright screen, and blocking your number. renjun doesn't know what his second step will be. frustratingly enough, heâs held onto you when he needs a push. without you, what other sources of encouragement are there?
renjun feels as if he hears a ticking noise inside of him, a bomb waiting to explode. the tears have stopped streaming down. he wonders how much longer will it take for him to trash his room, rip the papers that he used to draw you, shred them into tiny parts that they can no longer be pieced together, and scatter the pieces all over the floor with some still flying in the air.
it feels excruciating for renjun to wait around and see when heâll snap. so heâs just laid there, staring blankly at the ceiling; the tears have dried on his skin making his face feel tight and cold, the energy to move even the slightest bit is nonexistent.
he wants to speed the process, tired of feeling his pounding heartbeat in his eardrums. he just wants to yell out all the curse words he can think of and possibly make some of his own. though, all he can do is lay, stare, and blink slowly. unable to move and feel.
vii. how come you never give in
it is now summer, but renjun has never felt so cold. during his time alone, heâs learned that he doesnât need you to stay by his side to continue âliving more.â he was foolish for even believing that the only way he could live up to that stupid challenge you proposed is if youâre with him, supporting him, guiding him. indeed, you did give that little push but renjun is aware that he is fully capable of getting through anything alone.
oddly enough, he does not regret you one bit. the pain you caused him to experience convinces him that he is inevitable. he flicks his two fingers, a cigarette placed in between them, up harshly. ash spread around on the cement of the rooftop of his complex. renjun chuckles when he recalls the first time he actually accepted donghyuckâs offer to take a hit from his cigarette. of course, donghyuck was only joking, never expecting renjun to take him seriously when he asks him if he wants a cigarette. he shakes his head, not believing how much of a priss he used to be.
renjun believes that you came to him just so he can let go. if he was able to let go of you, heâs able to let go of his past habits that held him back from experiencing the beauty and tragedies of life. another inhale of smoke fills his lungs.
for once, there are stars and a moon to decorate the pitch black sky. itâs been a while since heâs seen a sky like this. it seems that, lately, the night sky has been dull and lifeless. smiling, he stares longer just to admire and to see what kind of shapes he can create in his mind by connecting the stars with imaginary lines. the lines of smoke that expand wider as they reach higher above him takes over to be his view instead.
renjun loved you more than life itself. though for him at that time, that wasnât much. but it was still something.
he was able to find something â someone â who resembled both the sun that the planets revolve around, and air thatâs everywhere but cannot be seen, yet, still essential. another hit. he lets his head fall back before breathing in then out. jaemin has ridiculed him when renjun first started this new habit of his, but he paid no mind to the nagging.
living more, he remembers. the boy could live past 80 years old, but might not have experienced the immediate relief and pleasure when he takes that first hit of a brand new pack of cigarettes. if it werenât for you, he may not have experienced the addictive bliss of being in love. so addictive that renjun would go through all the pain and sleepless nights again just so he can one more late night drive with the carâs top down. the feeling of the strong wind is freeing as opposed to being caged in his room, profusely arguing with jaemin who urges the boy to go to a dumb frat party.
renjun is shocked and proud that he isnât crying as he reminisces the love you gave him, or pretended to give. the phone calls when he couldnât sleep. his remedy now is to play soft classical music, falling asleep with that playing in the background takes longer than it did with your voice on speaker but it does the job.
you two have not spoken since that night, and renjun is thankful for that matter. he holds no spite for you, but heâs also likely to give no attention to you if you two ever cross paths again. you are the past and renjun would prefer to keep it that way. as much as he is thankful for the moments â good and bad â you created with and for him, heâs content with looking back on old memories rather than creating new ones with you.
there was always something missing in the relationship you and renjun had, perhaps the sincerity from your side. renjun left wanting more. the small taste he received fueled his hunger. he could die young, but happy as heâs felt the emotions that comes with the movies heâs watched and the books heâs read. during those times when heâd be off in another universe as heâs embarrassingly invested in a romance book, heâd wonder if thatâs what being in love truly feels like and he can now confidently answer his past selfâs questions. heâs lived, and will continue to live until his last breath; until the last inhale of the small white roll delicately sat between his soft fingers.
renjun never got the hype around cigarettes â all they do is burn his lungs and make him feel lifeless as his soul slowly evaporates into the dark sky â until he was met with your love, a different type of toxin that seems to have the same effect. luckily enough for him, he sees the beauty and wonder in everything. the excitement of losing some parts of himself for a brief moment of pure bliss. isnât that what living more is like? the âmoreâ part isnât measured by the duration of oneâs life, but instead, itâs measured by how well the person spent the time that they did have. and during the time he had with you, he lived.
a/n: y/n left a rose quartz in renjunâs place so now heâs down bad for her while sheâs enjoying her hot girl summer,, hashtag support the girlboss movement B] . . . i hope you enjoyed it âĄ
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what do you desire? | n.jm
âł na jaemin x gender neutral!reader
synopsis: a single tutoring session to help a failing na jaemin earned you a ticket to receive whatever you want. so what will it be?
genre: fluff
word count: 2,082
part of âthe dreamies in hogwartsâ series
âdonât you feel any sympathy for me?!â jaeminâs voice bounced on the walls, making your ears rings for the nth time for the past ten minutes of him following you around campus. âprofessor vector will kill me if i fail another arithmancy exam!â his voice seems louder than before indicating that he got closer to your moving body.
you groaned as your legs began to feel like jelly after brisk walking the entire school. halting your steps and turning your body sharply to face the distressed boy, making the ends of your blue hinted robe swing into the air. âwell, if only you studied-â
â-and thatâs exactly why i need you to help me.â the boy dressed in green took a few steps to get closer to you and reached for your hands (which you gladly pulled away from him) with pleading eyes. âi promise i wonât waste your time, iâll for sure get a good grade if you help me.â that stupid, beautiful smile of his made a small appearance, making you roll your eyes at his act of flattery.
âand what do i get from it?â you crossed your arms and glared him down which made the boy frown. âas a tutor, i need some form of payment.â
jaeminâs head fell back as he let out a laugh, giving you a perfect view of his exposed neck accessorized with a dainty gold necklace that complimented his beauty so well. âisnât it obvious?â he looked at you with a raised eyebrow, expecting you to know what the hell he was talking about. he continued to look at you until the silence became unbearably long, he scoffed, âyou get to spend time with me, of course!â
your mouth gaped open at his words and the seriousness of his face, âgoodbye, jaemin.â dropping your arms to your side, you turned away from his body and began walking at your previous speed only to be pulled back when jaemin grabbed your hand and turned you around by your waist.
he immediately removed his hands off of you when he noticed the flare in your eyes. âokay okay, i was kidding.â scratching his neck, jaemin was thankful it was nighttime since you werenât able to see his crimson red cheeks nor see the way his eyes glistened as he admired your features underneath the moonlight. âiâll do whatever you want, i donât care what it is â literally anything your heart desires. promise.â he lifted his pinky finger up and looked at you seriously.
you pondered at his offer and smirked once you realized that jaemin has a meaty wallet while you had a long shopping list of supplies to check off at dervish and banges. âfine.â jaeminâs smile couldnt be contained at your word, you held up a finger to shush his incoherent noises of excitement. âi cannot be seen with you.â
his smile dropped and placed his hands on his waist, âwell, thatâs insulting.â
âyou expect me to be with you in broad daylight when you have an entire cult of students who would kill one another to receive a one-second glance from you?â you roll your eyes when jaemin begins to smirk, feeling his ego inflating. âwe meet after hours at the astronomy tower tomorrow night.â
ây/n, if you want to get with me, just tell me â you donât need to use our tutor sesh as an exc-â
you scoffed and turned around to walk toward the ravenclaw common room, leaving the boy to talk to himself in the empty corridor.
you shake your head to yourself. why, just why are you doing this.
â
two days later, you sat in study hall fighting your heavy eyelids and limp neck. the first tutor session with jaemin consisted of one sided conversations and flirting since the boy cannot get a hint. though, there were times where heâd impress you with his ability to learn things quickly.
your friend nudged your shoulder and âpstâ-ed at you. âdid you hear about last night?â she spoke quietly, making sure not to disturb the people around you.
you looked at her briefly before closing your eyes to gain some sort of relief from your exhaustion. âdon't know, and frankly, i donât care.â
âwell, na jaemin from slytherin house has a significant other.â
you giggled to yourself because thereâs no way a boy with such a bad game could score a date when you werenât even willing to have tutoring with him. âyeah yeah.â
your friend whisper-yelled, âand theyâre from our house!â your eyes immediately widened. âright! they were seen walking around past bedtime by gryffindorâs head boy, mark lee, when he was told to make sure there were no students awake.â
you sat up straight, fully awake, shaking your head. âyou think anyone is stupid enough to walk around hogwarts at night?â
âa ravenclaw at that.â your friend shrugged. âmark only saw jaeminâs face and the blue details of the otherâs robe, he sucks at lying so.â
âbogus.â you huffed.
âwhat?â she gave you a teasing smile. âjealous? you like him or something?â
you fake laughed at your friend and discreetly began writing a note before gathering your supplies and dismissing yourself. you scanned the room, walking your way to the man of the hour and slipped the note on the table he sat alone at. you wasted no time dashing out the hall, making sure you didnât look suspicious since jaemin had eyes on him every second and you seriously did not feel like being mauled right now.
jaemin watched your body disappear through the doors and frowned at how you didnât bother to speak a single word to him before leaving. he fiddled with the small piece of paper before opening it up, smiling as he read the words.
astronomy tower, same time. donât be late.
â
jaeminâs body turned around in an instant when he heard the wooden floor of the tower creaking, already showcasing his smirk. âwhat do we have here?â he questioned your late arrival when you were so persistent on being on time yourself.
you couldnât respond as you were trying to catch your breath after enduring the dreadful flight of stairs.
jaemin smiled endearingly at your state, walking up to you slowly, âiâll let it slide because youâre too cute.â he ended his sentence with a small boop on your nose, still keeping his smile on his face. âwhat's the occasion, we didnât plan to study? you couldnât get enough of me, huh.â
finally maintaining a stable breathing pattern, âyou wish.â
jaemin chuckled and wiped his nose with his thumb, âyouâre right, i do wish that.â the octave of his voice dropped even lower, making your knees weak and your act harder to play. âiâm guessing you heard the rumors.â
you snapped your head up to look at him. âyou knew?â he responded silently with a nod. âaren't you friends with that mark guy?â another nod. âif people find out itâs me, iâll be dead.â
âwhen people find out itâs you.â he corrected you.
you let out a breathy laugh and he stood so closely to you that the air hit his face, making the front strands of his hair swing back. âyouâre funny.â
his smirk dropped and was replaced with a small smile. âi got an âaâ on my exam, by the way.â
your mood shifted at his words, the smile on your face was so bright that jaemin believed the moonlight couldnât even compete against you. when you realize youâve been smiling for an abnormal amount of time, you cleared your throat and brushed his shoulder with yours as you walked past him toward the metal railings. âgood job.â you rested your elbows on the metal and took in the fresh air and the beautiful view from the tower.
jaeminâs footsteps were slow as he made his way behind you, he stood directly behind you with his hands in his pockets. âthanks to you.â he breathed against your hair, making your heart race. âso, what does your heart desire, y/n?â
you. you thought to yourself.
his hands reached over to lean them against the railing, making his chest press against your back. âi can turn down the rumors if thatâs what you really want.â
you tried to stabilize your breathing, you wanted nothing more than to crumble into the floor as you felt your face and neck become warmer. âno.â you spat out, wincing silently at yourself for the impulsive decision. clearing your throat, âitâs fine.â
you couldnât see but jaemin was smiling as he felt your ragged breathing against his chest, and saw how your fingers nervously fiddled with the railing in front of your bodies. wanting to have more fun and test your buttons, he questioned, âwhy is that?â he lowered his head so his chin was resting on your shoulder, he could feel the heat of your cheeks radiate and you felt the heat from the tip of his ears touch your bare neck.
âjust cause. to save you from trouble.â you mumbled.
âand what about my cult?â
âi donât care anymore.â
âso you donât care if i-â he placed a delicate kiss on the side of your neck. â-in front of them?â
your breath audibly hitched at his actions, and you swore he could feel your heart pounding through your back. you could only hummed at him.
he removed his hands off of the railing and wrapped his arms around your waist, securing his hold on you. âi knew it.â he spoke softly right into your ear.
caressing your body, he moved his hands on your sides and maneuvered your body to face him and placed your back against the rusty metal. âi like you too.â
you laughed at the dreamy eyes heâs giving you and the overflowing confidence in his tone of voice. âyou sound so sure of yourself.â
he quirked an eyebrow. âare you saying that iâm wrong?â
you purse your lips at him and chose not to answer his question to tease him.
jaeminâs face moved closer to yours, nose brushing against each other and lips gazing one another. âthatâs what i thought.â his lips brushed yours as he spoke, and you could feel the butterflies unleash out of their cocoons and soar through your entire body.
you were prepared to let out a snarky remark but you lost your train of thought once you felt his plump lips engulf your soft ones. jaeminâs grip on your hips tightened as he pulled you closer to him while your hands moved up his torso, chest, and landed underneath his jaw. the movements of your lips never ceased as both of you finally grew tired of hiding your feelings toward each other â well mainly your feelings, jaemin wasnât the most discreet with his.
the sounds of your lips and heavy breathing filled the tower. jaemin pulled away just to kiss the skin around your lips and down your neck, his hands slithered around and found a place on your lower back. you sighed contently at the sensation of his wet lips against the cold skin of your neck.
his kissing gradually came to a stop, he looked up at you with a tired smile and shining eyes. you both admired the view in front of each other before the tinted red boy pulled you into a hug, hand in your hair while yours caressed his broad back.
âi thought of my wish.â you pulled back from the hug to look him in the eye but kept your arms secure around his waist, jaemin copied your moves.
jaemin looked around, pretending to think. âhmm, what could it be?â
you pinched his side slightly, making his addictive giggle erupt out of him. âmy heart desires a date.â
jaeminâs smile grew. âno way, me too. how convenient is that!â
you rolled your eyes at his antics, biting a smile.
âand also for you to protect me from your little cult.â jaemin laughed at your words but both of you knew you were being serious.
he nodded and hummed. âwhatever your heart desires, i shall grant it.â
you cringed at his language. âgross, donât do that.â slapping a hand against his chest while laughing. jaemin brought up his left hand to hold yours placed on his chest, grabbing it, caressing it with his thumb, and bringing it up to his lips to gently place a lingering kiss right on the back of your hand.
âwhatever your heart desires.â
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