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janellofalife · 10 years

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"the purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls."

picasso, baby

i'm not going to write anything particularly epic or insightful about BEYONCE. its only a few days after her magnum opus of a release & already much of that's been said. i will, however, use this time to take back any negative thing i've ever said about her in my previous rihanna fangirldom. i denied my beyonce appreciation because her fans are notorious for going overboard in their obsession, but its always been there. i've always known & cared way more about her than i was willing to admit & did not hesitate to pay an ungodly amount of money to see her perform this summer.

i don't worship her, i don't think she's god or even god-like. people who don't understand why she/her work is so important baffle me but they cannot deny that she is the artist of now. this is the beyonce generation & we just happen to be alive to witness it.

this is a body of work the likes of which none of us were ready for. even without the impressive secrecy of it all, i was shocked by the music itself. they're not good pop songs, they're amazing songs that give you hope for the future of pop music as a whole.

i'm not the only one who felt like a lot of her songs were designed for image, but weren't always authentic. its been either anthem-beyonce (i.e. single ladies/diva/run the world) or ballad-beyonce (i.e. halo, 1+1), with very little in-between. as i listened to BEYONCE, everything clicked. this is her. this is how i want my beyonce to sound. how dare an artist as larger than life as beyonce restrict herself to such narrow boxes. gone are the days of the overly stylized beyonce whose hairstyle and color scheme coincided with an album release (ie. auburn hair /b'day; bouffant/all black/sasha fierce), which i think we can blame papa knowles for.

finally we see sides of beyonce that are gritty, glamorous, horny, cocky, insecure, beautiful, flawless - everything we are.

you made us remember what art can bey

thank you.

#magnum opus #beyonce #beyonce album #girlslovebeyonce #yonce #art #popmusic #haunted #flawless #xo #superpower #blow #picasso

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janellofalife · 12 years

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recently I reread most of my blog entries which were hilarious and even though I wrote them less than a year ago, felt like looking a time capsule into my life last summer. i want this blog to be a therapeutic online diary that I can use to relive my epic youth/burgeoning adulthood and thus, my blog title couldn't be more appropriate. so, since I'm mere 3 weeks from graduation (and currently lying in my twin bed trying to sober up after an epic and surprisingly not disgusting senior bar crawl) I cannot wait to document everything worth remembering into this blog this summer. as for right now my hair is officially blonde & I'm aiming for a comfy street glam look, a la Rita Ora. before i fall into a sudden deep slumber, I'd like to use this opportunity to commemorate my favorite song du jour, the politically (incorrect) charged terrorist threats by the homie ab-soul.

http://www.2dopeboyz.com/2012/04/06/ab-soul-terrorist-threats-f-danny-brown-jhene-aiko-prod-dλʋξ-γrξξ-of-digiphonics/

I discovered it on 2dopeboyz on good Friday, the very same day Ye dropped Mercy which I loved. & yet, this is what I've listened to incessantly since then. it's what my ears want I suppose *shrug*. i love when music makes me think. not that i'm too "deep" to like any club music bc that's not true at all. i loved black star when i was like 16 but i stopped bc i realized i barely understood what they were talking about. whats the point of something profound if i barely get it myself?

I've also become obsessed with Actual Proof's talented tenth mixtape & I feel a new artist infatuation coming on so I'm sure I'll mention them again at a later date. http://actualproof.bandcamp.com/album/the-talented-tenth

Deuces. I wonder if I'll remember writing this in the morn.

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janellofalife · 12 years

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so i might have an obsessive personality. usually when i fall in love with a song, i find it very difficult to stop listening to it on repeat until another obsession comes along.

for example, several years ago i became enamored with "and he gets the girl", a very chicago song by a then-sane lupe about a nerd who approaches the cool girl in school ("i'm used to being the loser but you, i think you're super/so much i had to pursue ya") and, hence the title ends up "getting" said girl. in classic food & liquor-era lupe, he does one verse from the point of view of the guy, the girl and in one version, of the child that they have later in their relationship. like many other songs with which i've been obsessed over the years, the beat is courtesy of the neptunes, who never cease to amaze. for whatever reason, i never downloaded said song until a few months ago, and once i did i literally listened to it at least thrice a day for months. it quickly became the most listened-to song on my ipod, which is no easy feat because it had quite a bit of competition. coincidentally, the most played song on my previous ipod was "allure" off of the black album, produced by who?

yup. this kid himself (btw can we dive into the fact that despite being nearly 40 yrs old pharrell williams has looked the same for at least the past 14 years and is living proof that not only does black not crack, but it probably doesn't know how to)

anyway, one of the most recent victims of my song/artist obsession was "cherish the day" a remake of the sade classic by the robert glasper experiment feat. lalah hathaway. i should start by saying that in my house (& my godmother's house too) i was raised to worship sade like a goddess, as well as the ground she walked on.

there is no way i could attempt to explain my music background/exposure without mentioning just how much sade i listened to growing up. the best of sade album would probably top the list of most played songs in the ipod of my entire life. obviously i've grown to love her over the years and her music has had a lot to do with what made me the music snob lover i am today. "cherish the day" is probably my favorite sade song. with that being said, i was offended by the suggestion that someone would dare remake a sade song, let alone that one. in my mind its the equivalent of rewording the national anthem or rearranging a picasso painting..why bother? & furthermore, who would have the nerve?

then i heard the song.

*dramatic pause*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MCyBHZkwJY

this is how you know when a remake has done its job: it forced me to

A. appreciate lalah hathaway who is such an underrated vocalist

B. worship sade even more for such gorgeous lyrics

C. become infatuated with robert glasper to the point that i considered buying everything he's ever made

AND it convinced me that i have to marry a musician in hopes of having a life of never-ending jam sessions.

with that being said, i loved it & appreciated them for it as well as the very cool folks at clutch magazine (clutchmagonline.com) for mentioning it as listen-worthy because it so was. lest i forget the reason i even began this post, behold my latest obsession, frank ocean's "whip appeal". no explanation necessary.

it pretty much feels like background music to falling in love.

whip appeal.

something to drive, or jog to.

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janellofalife · 12 years

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...and the plot thickens

so i have date on friday later this week. this shouldn't come as a huge shock considering my previous post - boy meets girl, girl likes boy, they eventually plan to see each other again, right? wrong. this latest development is especially triumphant because yesterday i was literally paralyzed with the fear of making a bad first impression, thus ruining my chances at a happy marriage with this man who i just met. that's right - in a matter of hours, i convinced myself that he is my husband-to-be and i became physically incapable of responding to a text of his that morning.

literally five hours and fifty minutes passed before i was able to come up with a worthy response and send it. damn near six hours! & all i had to do was tell him how my weekend went.

what. is. wrong. with. me.

in case its unclear, i do realize that i have a serious problem that i can hopefully solve before friday evening. otherwise its gonna make for a pretty awk night, and i probably won't be able to even laugh at myself for like 20yrs. *sigh*

the following is a compilation of texts that i sent to my friend yesterday/today:

"i wanna text my alpha idk what to say smh i'm nervous! mostly bc i really wanna marry him" [btw her response was that i should just propose-__- nothing like mockery & sarcasm from a friend in a time of crisis]

"i have officially psyched myself out. i am too nervous/in love with the idea of marrying this man to respond to his textual message. wtf is wrong with me"

"i cannot handle this pressure!"

"i'm dying of nerves bc my husband-to-be & i hanging are out later this week.."

"omg i feel like i'm gonna be a nervous wreck til then"

[i should admit that most of the reason i even responded yesterday is because i was out shopping with my friend and shamefully admitted my dilemma to her. she promptly screamed at me about how ridiculous i sounded & after she nearly chased me around topshop barking "did you text him yet?!" for ten minutes, i finally mustered the courage to do so. topshop by the way is new to chicago, and is possibly the most glorious store i've ever entered that i can technically afford, with the flyyest accessories especially jewelry OF LIFE]

except for one or two high school era boyfriends, i take all of my relationships pretty seriously. even the bums i mentioned previously made sense to me at the time. the difference is that i usually wait until after going out with a dude or get to know him to start daydreaming. but apparently i haven't been giving my imagination the credit it obviously deserves. don't get me wrong - i'm perfectly normal and reasonable and trust me marriage still seems like a lifetime away. the reason for my freakout is really the symbol. yes i know nothing about this man, but he represents adulthood and stability and settling down and the idea of these things freaks me outtttt. because he was cute and at least physically perfect for me its a good freakout. but the adulthood part?

i'll pass.

graduation is literally right around the corner i know it won't be long before i'm bombarded with all kinds of big pressures (grad school, real job/career, marriage, etc) & i have no idea if i'm ready for them. i guess there's no age when people officially feel like real adults, right? i always thought of getting my degree as the unofficial doorway to adulthood. but since the degree is only a few credit hours away at this point, maybe it'll be once i have my own place. once i have my own place then what?

the undisputed sign of adulthood is marriage right? which brings me back to my original omg-does-meeting-someone-who-on-paper-is-worthy-of-marriage-mean-marriage-is-subconsciously-on-my-mind-and-therefore-i'm-basically-an-adult crisis.

i would say i don't want to get ahead of myself but clearly that ship has sailed. *hangs head in shame* BUT, in an effort to calm myself in the coming days, only a few things can happen on this date:

a. he could be super lame and bore me to death, thus making me reconsider my freakout and go back to not giving a care in the world to having a male partner of any sort at the moment.

b. he could be an immature dick, thus reaffirming my theory that males of this generation never mature. rather than depress me, it would make me feel better about expecting so little of them & not caring about male attention in the first place.

c. he could be perfect, which would make me nervous because i'd imagine him falling for me, visiting me at school, taking me on vacas & basically having a whirlwind romance that eventually ends in a happily ever after

d. he could be weird or blah. that would just mean i wasted a week giving him a second thought.

e. he could be not as attractive as i remember, or think i'm not as cute as he remembers. this is actually likely just because i have no recollection of what his actual face looked like. i keep imagining my friend's boyfriend for some reason and my mind keep showing me that guys face when i try to remember. also my hair was straightened and i had colored pieces in the front when we met, and now its neither straightened nor colored & he may not recognize me at all. on the bright side it was dark at the party so he probably didn't pay attention to my hair because he was so enthralled my shimmery white smile. i'll go with that theory instead.

if meeting him was a wakeup call from God telling me to stop wasting my energy on bums because this more like what you should have in a partner, i say kudos to you Lord. thanks for the not-so-subtle hint & please let my real husband be tall

as my friend said to me earlier, he should feel privileged to spend an evening with me. obviously it sounds cocky when i say it about myself, but i am pretty hilarious and i know how to have a good time so what's the worst that could happen? i'll either have a hilarious story about how awkward or weird it was, or a dreamy story about how perfect we are together and i'll fall asleep dreaming about how he'll propose. i say win-win.

now the only question is

what to wear?

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janellofalife · 12 years

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i ain't sayin she a gold digger...

for the record i am not and have never been a gold digger, although the story i am about to tell kind of made me question myself.

this past weekend i met a perfect man. like seriously - to date, introduce to the fam, marry, make babes with, all of the above. he was intelligent and outgoing and talkative, but not to a fault. we met at a party and he talked to all of my friends and just me later, but never in a way that made me uncomfortable. he laughed at all of my jokes and it was genuine. he was touchy in an "i'm interested" kind of way rather than a pervy way which is always appreciated. there was lots of eye contact and grinning and everything one could ask for when meeting someone new. and on paper? PERFECTION. impressive alma mater, just old enough to be mature but still in my same generation, lives in the city, seemingly stable job that sounds like it pays a salary with many zeros (this last tidbit of info i learned from a simple google search & a linkedin profile. i'm no stalker, just curious. and its not like he didn't give me his full name so i felt it was my right). also belongs to a fraternity which is never a pre-req but always a bonus just because its cool at any age.

though i'm barely five feet tall myself i tend to drool over the largest man in a room and as silly as it sounds initially i was thrown off because he was considerably smaller in stature than what i'm used to. but i've always secretly thought that it would be adorable if i were with a shorter man because we would look cute together, i'd make him feel tall, and we'd have miniature children. like a family of dolls.

naturally i was flattered by the attention and moreso the fact that he was respectful about it, but i didn't let it gas up my head. HOWEVER. i am not ashamed to admit that my excitement level increased tremendously once i saw what he does for a living. i won't mention it specifically because he too could do a google search, find this blog, and think i was obsessive or money hungry. which, by the way, i am not.

for the record this is what a true gold digger looks like:

jk robin, you're fab.

but still, the fact that i used the term "make babes with" about someone i met like 72 hours ago could raise a few red flags, right? it wasn't the possibility of financial security that excited me though, honestly i think its the possibility of becoming my parents. after all we're the exact same ages my parents were when they first met. from what i've seen in pics ad heard in stories, my parents basically chilled and had comfortable flyy lives throughout their 20s - they had their own apartments and their own incomes with no responsibilities like children or marriage or shared space for years and years. sounds pretty ideal to me.

what really got me was the fact that he actually seems to have a promising future i mean i'm college educated and ambitious too so obviously i'd want those same qualities in a partner. someone who you can be proud of and introduce to people and they can answer questions with complete coherent sentences instead of "well actually, right now i'm tryna..." or "what happened was...". in case it isn't painfully obvious, i've dealt with my fair share of bums. it's not something i ever thought i should be ashamed of, its def no secret that most of my exes haven't led the most successful lives. no one outside of my immediate fam has met anyone i've dated, except by accident once or twice. i've never been able to envision a long-term future with them and def not a life that would be anything like my parents'.

as i write i'm beginning to realize that crisis i've been having the past few days really isn't about this guy at all, and its deeper than chasing money, its about the kind of lifestyle that i want for myself and my own family. after all, i'm getting older and i can't afford to keep wasting my time with the same clowns i dated in high school. i think its about time for an upgrade. is that too much to ask?

#robin givens #mike tyson #gold digger #kanye west #marriage #doll family #bum #self-reflection #upgrade #settle down #short men #future #comfortable lifestyle #black fraternity

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janellofalife · 12 years

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youtube

:)

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janellofalife · 12 years

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stunning.

click for brilliant hair philosophizing.

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janellofalife · 12 years

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MOTTO.

the above quote describes my attitude as of late toward clothing, and also hair. because i can. yes, sadly it's been far too long since i've updated my beloved blog. i think the whole full-time student/job/my apartment's tragic lack of internet/zero discipline or time management thing is why i've neglected it so. certainly not because i haven't been inspired. also because i prefer updating it uninterrupted & it can take me hours to perfect a post. all or nothing.

i fully intend to go back to my normal pattern during winter break and next semester (how could i not document my LAST SEMESTER of college? my schedule is a joke. as it should be) when i have the time to devote it. until then i shall leave you with occasional photos/blurbs/links to show you that i'm still alive & kicking. score.

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janellofalife · 13 years

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flippant she-creature.

above is my "wu name" according to the wu-tang name generator. not only was i weirdly pleased with it, but i spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out how to incorporate it into a relevant blog post rather than mention it to my friends & come across as lame AND incredibly bored. i believe i've succeeded.

so i realize that i'd been neglecting my precious blog. & she doesn't deserve that. the truth is, i prefer keeping my posts amusing & lighthearted and lately i've been dealing with some heavier things [no john mayer]. don't get me wrong - there's nothing wrong with me, i just feel like i've been too busy actually dealing with grown up stuff to be able to blog jokingly about "grown up" stuff. whatever that means.

which brings me to my glorious wu name.

so when i was twelve years old, going through early-onset teen angst/drama/aversion to authority, my mother's favorite adjective to call me was flippant. i'd talk back to her, i'd roll my eyes and/or neck at a teacher, i'd scratch up the side of a boy's face on the school bus [don't worry, he sooo had it coming], etc. basically, you name something even slightly disrespectful and just plain annoying for the sake of being annoying & i'd do it. & when i wasn't getting spanked or furiously chased around the house i'd get the same response every time:

"janelle, you are so FLIPPANT!"

because i prided myself in ignoring her every word back then, i never bothered to look up the definition of the word. i used context clues & figured it meant something like "one who talks back", "one who aggravates his/her mother" or "habitual line-stepper".

it wasn't until twenty minutes ago when a random blog post + even more random wikipedia search led me to the wu-tang name generator (http://www.recordstore.com/wuname/wuname.pl) that i bothered looking up the word. turns out my sweet, gentle, and docile mother was insulting me far more that i ever could have imagined. dictionary.com says flippant means

frivolously disrespectful, shallow, or lacking in seriousness;characterized by levity

(oh & levity means lightness of mind, character, or behavior; lack of appropriate seriousness or earnestness. in case you were wondering.)

shocking right? thing is, i can't really be offended. sure, flippant certainly wouldn't be on the list of the first three adjectives that come to mind when i have to describe myself in an icebreaker [although it might not be a bad idea considering people always use waaay too many nice words to describe themselves. at least this one might actually succeed in breaking the figurative ice].

however, as i've proven in this blog so far, i might describe myself as lacking in appropriate seriousness. & my sarcasm would def fall into the lacking-of-appropriate-earnestness category. really the only reason i'm even writing this post is because i finally found something lighthearted enough to write about. and really, who can blame me for wanting to lighten the mood/act ballerific like its all terrific?

oh & for the record the "she-creature" part represents my lady parts.

so there. first, i'd like to thank my mama for her expansive vocabulary. lastly, thank you to the name generator for my eerily appropriate alias. and in conclusion, this: AINT NOTHIN TO WUCK FIT.

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janellofalife · 13 years

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THE JILL SCOTT CONUNDRUM & WHY I WANT TO BE HER WHEN I "GROW UP"

so jill scott. or, as the roots/random people who think they're cool enough like to call her, "jilly from philly". over the past few weeks as i've been bombarded with very fly light of the sun promo shots & become re-obsessed with "love rain", jill scott has been on my mind a lot lately. i happen to consider her one of the coolest people on earth.

the conundrum: WHY is she so freakin likeable?

"what can i say girl...i am indeed the shit, i suppose"

ask any black female. or male even. for some reason, there is no such thing as acceptable jill scott hate. these are the same people who have ENTIRE blogs dedicated to pure hatred toward black/brown/kardashian celebrities everywhere [i.e mediatakeout.com].

while i happen to adore jill scott, i also have other celebrities that im even more obsessed with, most of whom have been featured on this blog. the difference is that any one of them could spark an inexplicably hate-filled debate because of questionable things they've done, said, or just because they happen to annoy the shit out of people.

exhibit a: someone who went from "i like her hair/i heard her album wasn't bad" to "she's possibly the most ridiculous person alive". what a difference 2yrs makes.

essence.com has a section on their homepage called "can't stop talking about..." which has different topics, followed by what appear to be twitter like responses from readers. a few weeks ago the topic was "jill scott" or "jill scott's new album" and i SWEAR every single response along the lines of "omg she's so beautiful im so happy for her", "i would kill someone to be her best friend", or "omg forget lyzel! i love her from her hair follicles to her toenails". i kid you not.

i'm definitely not the only one to notice this jill fixation. the very smart folks over at verysmartbrothas.com have made the same observation:

the girl-crush some women have on jilly from philly is so intense that a man can actually become more attractive in their eyes if he admits an attraction to her within ear shot. seriously, i’ve actually witnessed dudes get panties just on the strength of jill scott girlgasm osmosis. - the champ

and its true. but my question is why? i suppose i could write some bs about how she is able to be unapologetic about her femininity without being preachy, or her sexuality without being a ho, her blackness without being a panther, and how this seems to strike a nerve in people bored with our society's limited space for "unconventional" standards of beauty & black femininity & so on. [can i just say it literally pained me to type the ridiculous phrase "conventional beauty standards" because everyone knows that "conventional" is a pc code word for thin/white/long-haired. once i clicked a link for people who were "unconventionally beautiful" & everybody on the damn list was dark or big or both. pretty sure jill scott's gorgeous ass was on the list, as was mos def. wtf? then again, i'm almost certain it was on yahoo somewhere so go figure]

but anyway, back to the topic freestyle: jill scott's uncanny likeability boils down to three simple things.

she's talented. listen to the original "he loves me", then listen to beyonce's butchering version of it

she seems real/honest as hell. listen to "quick" in which she clearly calls out her son's father for being an asshole

she's consistent. no this does not mean boring, but rather goes hand in hand with being real/not being a follower or someone whose artistry changes with trends.

once upon a time i started an application for upenn. mostly because when i was seventeen i did what people told me i had a thing for dudes with philly accents. but on some level i think some of it came from my fascination with jill and her effortless aura of dope. [to the upenn admissions office, why is your application so incredibly annoying? all i remember is being annoyed with how annoying it was]

the point is, i listened to the light of the sun yesterday and it made me feel great.

[disclaimer: i am a music head and i definitely have very random music that i have deep emotional connections to. an ex-manfriend dedicated musiq soulchild's "betterman" to me a few years ago. a beautiful song that actually brought me to tears at one point. then we broke up. months later, i heard the song in a cafe, recognized it immediately, and had to talk myself out of leaving right then, never to return.]

that being said, music doesn't have to be critically acclaimed to make me feel great. i've been known to request lil ru's "the nasty song" in clubs in chapel hill on occasion, and this too gives me much pleasure. but JILL. i swear i felt like her words were my exact thoughts put to song. she made me come to terms with my lack of closure in my most recent relationship and made me realize how i deserved more than his bum ass in the first place! *sigh* that jill. i haven't felt such a personal connection to an album since that time i was depressed and finally listened to 808s & heartbreak last month.

i mean, i love stone rollin', but what does it even mean? jill's was raw and honest and kind of embarrassing, very sexy at times but sweet and genuine and encouraging.

damn. here i go again turning this into yet another music blog when i specifically told myself this would not be yet another music blog. but this is my life & this is what i like so whatever. at least i've been able to keep up my this-will-not-be-a-natural-hair-blog promise thus far.

there seems to be a pattern among albums i consider classics: the artists do what they want how they want to do it, and going platinum isn't their motivation. sure, the score sold something like 19 million copies, but i highly doubt lauryn & them were thinking about their next chart-topping single when they wrote shit as real as "the beast".

i wouldn't go so far as to call the light of the sun a classic (i need at least a year to assess "classic" material) but she def has the i-made-this-album-for-me attitude that i respect so much. apparently at least one person not obsessed with scandals works for us weekly because they interviewed jill, asked about the album, and being the coolest person ever, she says

It's almost like my first record. I'm not worried about who's going to like it and who's not. I'm being all of me, and it feels stupendous. I don't want to leave this feeling.

i dare you not to respect that. & she used the word "stupendous" in a sentence, and wasn't even talking about how it feels giving ends to her friends. *applause*

and so, to thank you for reading my ode to jill, i will leave you with a excerpt from her piece, "womanifesto". enjoy

I am not gonna lie and pacify I am arms to hold I am lips to speak I am a muthafucking “G” Strong legs that stroll off the 33 bus or out of a money green Phantom comfortably Knees that bend to pray clean from Ajax washings hair that is thick and soft Thighs that betwixt an amazing all-expense grand prize I am eyes that sing smile that brightens touch that rings and supply euphoric release I am a Grand Dame Queen Beast

#jill scott #love rain #womanifesto #black people #people loved and respected by all black people #obsessions #girl crush #jilly from philly #favorite people #likeable #keri hilson #coolest people on earth #poetry #the fugees #the score #talent #neo-soul

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janellofalife · 13 years

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i never heard of nobody going to a concert just because they think somebody's fly

paij

my obsession with rihanna is no secret. it began about 4yrs ago when she dyed her hair jet black, and has since expanded to everything about her appearance. to such a degree that she could literally wear toilet paper, gauze & a dusty red wig & i'd easily defend it as fly.

exhibit a:

notice that her music never really had anything to do with the obsession. not to knock it or anything, but the fact that i'm a diehard unapologetic golden age/underground/random hip hop head is no secret either.

the last concert i even considered going to was the foreign exchange, & to be completely honest the possibility of seeing cee-lo green is only real reason i even considered going to her show. after all, cee-lo green is the soul machine. also i had read terrible things about her concert, which i assumed would be a really uncomfortable night of bleating & awkward gyrating.

i could not have been more wrong. it was no janet jackson show obviously, but i was impressed AND oddly embarrassed that i didn't know a whole lot of her music. but overall, as ciana and i emerged from the united center sporting fresh temporary rihanna star tats & belting out california king bed at the top of our lungs, i realized that my obsession had become more intense than ever.

yes, that is possible.

while i never daydreamed about being her best friend or had intense lesbian dreams about her like ciana did, i certainly developed a new respect for her & all the international pop stars out there, with their huge arenas of people to entertain and endless hours of awkward meet & greets and whatnot.

one thing i noticed is that she didn't seem to give a shit about the crowd. not in a rude way, just in a nonchalant this-is-just-my-job-so-don't-think-you-actually-know-me kind of way, which i respect a lot. its better than the incredibly fake i-love-each-and-every-one-of-my-fans-deeply-and-they-should-all-look-up-to-me-because-i'm-the-perfect-role-model vibe you get from the beyonces of the world. but then again you can't trust anyone who always smiles at paparazzi anyway. & you definitely can't trust anyone who wears stilettos to a theme park.

its silly & you look (and almost certain feel) ridiculous. & babe if i don't feel it i ain't fakin, no no its gonna take a lot convince me otherwise. i mean, even the flyest person on earth owns flats.

exhibit b:

speaking of which, when rihanna said (in her adorable island accent), "thank you chicago, for making this such a memorable night for me", what i heard was: "thank you chicago for buying these tickets & thank GOD this night is over. now i can go back to my day job of being the flyest girl person on earth & be rid of you screaming strangers".

*sigh*

i could SO hang out with this woman.

as usual, i've strayed pretty far from my original post idea. i didn't mean to end his life i know it wasn't right analyze the concert. as you might have guessed, what i started out writing was something along the lines of "further proof that rihanna is the flyest person on earth". inspired by my dear rami hunting for the perfect dramatic 21st birthday outfit, which she described as white & flowy & grecian, and in other words made her feel like she was the only girl in the world "on rihanna island".

if you're not sure what an inhabitant of rihanna island looks like, think:

meanwhile, i was looking for something simple & black to wear to the same birthday festivities, to be worn with studded & chained statement shoes.

a less thriller version of:

the point is, while our looks could not be more different, they're both distinctly rihanna-esque, & that fact alone makes her the world's flyest individual. behold:

& there you have it.

#rihanna #flyest person on earth #beyonce #loud #loud tour #chicago #rihanna concert #california king bed #the only girl in the world #rude boy #obsessions #flyness #people who are fly #cee-lo green #the soul machine #girl crush #rihanna pics #theories

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janellofalife · 13 years

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let us revel in the complete disregard of political correctness in this clip.

#eddie murphy #eddie murphy raw #richard pryor #bill cosby #huxtables #jello-puddin eatin...#hilarity #stand-up #things that amuse me to no end

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janellofalife · 13 years

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i often wonder what they're thinking when they're dancing

elisa my dear elisa said the above quote during a conversation about strippers, strip clubs, and how we felt as women, visiting them. we agreed that our curiosity about their lives and how they ended up in the profession would almost certainly kill the mood. also the fact that we'd probably go with straight men who would obviously enjoy it more than us, make fools of themselves, and almost certainly disgust us with their rowdy ass behavior.

general consensus: nobody wins when pretty, straight women go to strip clubs & it would be wise to avoid going to such places at all costs.

not to mention the fact that we might get dirty looks from the dancers because, as elisa pointed out, no man [see below for notable exceptions to this rule] would seriously approach a stripper on the job, or even look into her eyes for that matter, which would only make the cute fully-clothed girls in the club more attractive. not only would we feel uncomfortable, we would probably also steal their shine. and as a woman, i'd feel guilty as hell about that, i mean who knows how they ended up there. i for one would be highly offended if i got naked for men for a living, only to have fully-clothed women come into my workplace & distract my horny clients. how damaging is that to a stripper's self-esteem? because let's face it, it's probably already pretty low *shrug*.

& let's not forget that the only people who "fall in love" with on-the-clock strippers are creeps like these:murch-_-

& everyone deserves better choices.

now don't get me wrong, i'd never advocate stripping.

[although once upon a time, i had a friend who had to take a semester off. unsure of how to support herself being out of school for awhile, she announced that she would start stripping. i still don't know if she was serious or not, but i do recall thinking that due to her curvy figure & fondness of grinding dancing in regular clubs that it wouldn't be a terrible idea. but, because i didn't know whether she was serious or not i kept this sentiment to myself, thus never actually (audibly at least) advocating stripping]

as someone familiar with the women's studies discipline i could argue that our male-dominated rape culture is the reason why the stripping industry is so lucrative for women, yet also demeaning in that the hypersexual environment enforces her inferiority rather than give her sexual power. & so on.

but then when i try to see it from her point of view, i have to ask myself "what would you do if your son was at home, cryin all alone on the bedroom floor cuz he's hungry, and the only way to feed him is to [strip for] a man for a little bit of money & his daddy's gone..somewhere smokin' rock now, in & out of lockdown i aint got a job now. so for you this is just a good time but for me this is what i call life"

general consensus: that's a hard ass question

in closing, in the words of the incomparable jay-z, "i make some thought-provoking shit."

you think about that.

#strippers #city high #strip clubs #female strip club patrons #what would you do city high lyrics #kendra wilkinson #t-pain #murch from the best man #harold perrineau #i'm in luv wit a stripper

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janellofalife · 13 years

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i laugh pretty easily. mainly because, like i said in the description, i do a darn good job of amusing myself, and also because i find humor in awkward situations & especially in the way things are said. then there are just some things i happen to think are the funniest things ever to exist. for example, i could probably watch the above video on repeat for hours & laugh every single time. in my case, you know somethings funny when even non humorous lines/expressions become funny if you watch it enough. literally every single second of this clip amuses me to no end. the only reason i'm even writing this post is because i mentioned to a friend i got paid today & he commented on it. and because i may or may not have spent an inordinate amount of time watching chappelle's show clips over the years, the first thought that came into my mind was calvin's payday. "way to go youngblood. gettin paaaid, gettin paid!" @1:45 to be exact. immediately, i hurry him off the phone and leap across the room to my laptop, where i frantically search for the clip

i should admit that i started out trying to assemble a list of little things that i find insanely hilarious but was overcome with an all too common obsessive chappelle moment and, needless to say, got distracted. but every few months or so i get obsessed with random stand-ups so i'll probably post some of those in the next few days. in the meantime, enjoy.

i shall leave you with a pic of one of the most diabolical haters of all time:)

#buc nasty #calvin #chappelle's show #dave chappelle #everybody know i got a job #gettin paid #i'm a shoo-in...for hater of the year #ice-t #player hater of the year #silky johnson #the player haters ball #the rib sandwich comin back on tuesday #the world of the haters #wacarnold's #things #things that amuse me to no end

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janellofalife · 13 years

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what do i need to do to look like this..?

k so toward the end of this semester, one of the many promises i made to myself was to get toned enough to feel comfortable to wear my bikini.

the only reason i even own a bikini is because of a trip to puerto rico my freshman year of college in which i laid up at the pool in a tankini while watching women much fleshier & juicier than me parading around in them with no shame. i got one when i got home, but because i still wasnt comfortable in it, the poor suit stayed dry for years

thus began my series of ab stuff & squats & even lunges occasionally, with this in the background as motivation. however, as SOON as i wore the bikini once, took many pics and allowed a small percentage of them as facebook worthy, motivation was gone. probably because that as my only goal.

until last night, that is. probably because i'm black & enjoy entertainment, i watched part of the bet awards. so speaking of motivation, behold:

this is kelly rowland, one of most beautiful people on earth. baby, you can so be my motivation. as a matter of fact, you already are. body wise at least. honestly, she's always been that way. example:

images like this are probably why all those super confident jiggly bikini-clad puerto rican women weren't enough to make me wear mine. i just couldn't do it. even when i finally wore it, i didn't think i was as toned as i should have been so i was barely comfortable then. let's be real - we all self-conscious i'm just the first to admit it [first of many many kanye lyric drops]

obviously i still wanna set high goals for myself. but since i don't have long legs or chocolate brown skin, i'm probably gonna need a different body role model. but who?! who has the most perfectly toned but not too toned, curvy but not too curvy body, with actual boobs & is slightly closer to my stature, you ask? *drumroll please* toni braxton.

i could write an ode to the flawlessness of toni braxton's body. looking at her makes me want to stop what i'm doing & begin violently exercising AND want to say forget it & give up because she is literally twice my age.

but you know what? that's a copout. i should be in the best shape of my life right now, especially while i still have the balls to wear dramatic & ridiculous clothing.

so toni baby, it's settled. YOU can be my motivation.

#exercise #motivation #kelly rowland #bet awards 2011 #toni braxton #bikini body #puerto rico #eu #da butt #school daze #kelly rowlad bet awards performance #perfect body

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janellofalife · 13 years

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ah the guilty pleasures of life...

so i'm pretty unique, k? i do my own thing, dance to the beat of my own drum. i also dance like no one's watching, i dance in the street, with the stars, i dance to the beat of the rhythm of the night, the list goes on.

but seriously, i like to think i'm pretty un average. because really, besides dangerous fugitives & awkward preteens, who wants to be "average" and/or blend in? not i.

sure, as someone born in the first year of the most epic decade ever to exist, there are certain aspects of american pop culture that i (legally) have to be a part of. like obligatory harry potter series fanaticism, for example. also having an insane amount of respect for the glory days of *nsync, destiny's child, nickelodeon & the disney channel; being able to identify any given quote from cinematic classics such as mean girls, anchorman, and zoolander among others; allegiance to all things dave chappelle

more recently, besides saving the planet from climate change of course, some of the biggest responsibilities of my generation have also included: maintaining an extremely intense love-hate relationship with kanye west [possibly just a chicago thing], watching the premiere of the game on bet, using youtube to show the rest of the world just how much free time we have on our hands to be the most brilliantly hilarious people ever to exist [SEE http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmwM_AKeMCk]

since i have the attention span of a 21yr old college senior, i seem to have gotten off track. the point of the post was too demonstrate how unique & non sheep like i am, due the following obsessions guilty pleasures that are distinctly me:

incredibly odd scenes from spike lee joints, that are at times not particularly funny or sad or purposefully emotion-inducing. but for some very strange reason i love them. behold the following from jungle fever, one of my favorite movies (again, for reasons that perplex even me)

sausage biscuits. because they're delicious & a dollar & the best part of waking up. two weeks ago i ate five of them over a seven day period. but if you think i regret it, you're sorely mistaken sir. also i'm humble enough to admit that i have a problem searching for the perf sausage biscuit pic actually made me want to go to sleep, just so i can wake up in the morning with the possibility of savoring yet another.:):(

nail polish. my bare nails haven't seen the light of day in years

random freestyles/feature verses by this g.o.o.d. music rapper cyhi the prynce. yes him name looks lame & his actual mixtape is less than classic in my book, i still completely respect him for renegade-ing rappers on their own songs for a living. even his g.o.o.d. music boss [ouch] below is a still of him during the 4 min popular demand freestyle that turned me into a fan. i may or may not have watched this clip constantly (& shamelessly) during the fall semester of my junior year, in any given library and/or study bldg on campus, to the point that i know this & some others by heart: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2PPOc1NwpI

toca tuesdays freestyle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iY4BAz4MlJg&feature=related

feature that MADE this otherwise lame yelawolf song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3Xveon2pug

CLASSIC g.o.o.d. music cypher 2010

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PI11Q70Qg-8&feature=related

5. "a blues for nina" a poem by the fictional character darius lovehall in the 90s classic love jones. recited by larenz tate, who happens to top my very short list of celebrities i'd like to meet at some point. the poem includes the line: "i just wanna give you injections of sublime erections..." nuff said.

6. inexplicably flyy pictures of rihanna walking out of miscellaneous cars/buildings. no explanation necessary

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janellofalife · 13 years

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temptations, anyone?

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