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They'd had countless fights over the years, as all friends did, no matter how close they were. They had long perfected the art of getting over it – none of those fights had ever last more than a day or two, and most of them ended just like this one: the easy agreement it was over and they were back to normal. No words needed, both just understanding implicitly that it was over.
"Nah, there's this one I heard Eddie down at the grocery store talkin' about," he said. He didn't often get to chat with the boys who actually ran the shops, squirrelled away as he was upstairs. But he stuck his head down and gave a helping hand carting shit around if they needed it, and he caught up on gossip better than an old woman sometimes. "All mysteries. But it would definitely give the girls nightmares, so Ma would put the kibosh on it pretty quick if I suggested it. So, now you get to have the nightmares."
He punctuated the last sentence with a gentle shove of Steve's face, his grin more firmly in place again. He was still sore over the whole fight thing, knew he'd be getting it when he eventually slunk home, but for now his anger was slipping away. Bucky always struggled to hold a grudge, especially against Steve.
His muscles, however small they may be, relax when Steve catches that tiny hint of a smile on Bucky's part, and it feels as though that earlier, uncomfortable tension that could have been cut with a knife is dissipating now. The blond turns away with a humble and sheepish shrug when Bucky ribs him, but a smile stays on his lips nonetheless now that things feel a little better. The last thing he wants after today is to be on bad terms with his best friend.
His sky blue gaze drifts back to his friend when Bucky outlines the terms of his stay, and a nod soon follows; along with a little jump when he's pinched. "Okay, okay. Sounds fair t' me." He understands the lack of choice Bucky often has in his own house, and Steve often has the luxury of indulging in his whims by virtue of having no siblings and often having the place to himself while Ma's working.
Discarding the ice pack, he gets to his feet and retrieves a sketchbook before they head downstairs. "Lemme guess — another one of those sci-fi shows?" It's not that Steve hates or even dislikes those by any means, but it's definitely more Bucky's kind of interest over his own, with Steve's preference being the news and big band music.
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The rooftops seemed empty, but that never meant they were. For all he knew, several guns were currently aimed at him, ready to take the shot. His paranoia was battling with his pragmatism: he had chosen the route leading them here, but who was to say they hadn't somehow known this was the path he'd follow? Hadn't they programmed him to be their perfect asset? Some days he worried every move he made, every decision was just a product of what they'd made him.
His spine stiffened at the name. More and more flashes of charcoal stained hands and golden hair had been coming back to him. It was terrifying. He knew, he know going to Rogers made the most sense. The man had seemed determined to avoid injuring or harming him, even when under fire. But if he did that, he'd never know if anything was an actual memory, or just what was put there.
"Don't tell him where I am," he blurted, swiping his tongue over dry lips, voice hoarse from disuse. Tightening his grip on the knife for a second, his gaze swept the area once more. "How do I know you aren't here to take me in?"
𝐛𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐲 𝐢𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐲 to catch, but then keanu had been anticipating a chase of some kind. steve had warned him about as much after explaining bucky's situation and the context of the search. steve wanted to do it himself but was worried how a familiar face would be received, given their history: bucky had the tendency to try to keep him away from the bad stuff. he'd sent keanu as a liaison, hoping that empath's skill set might be more well-suited to such a pursuit. when keanu finds bucky in the crowd, he latches onto the feel of his anxiety, following him through backstreets and alleyways until finally bucky turns to confront him.
keanu raises hands at sides in an effort to placate, since other has a knife in grip and he's really not looking to get stabbed. ❝ i am following you, ❞ empath acknowledges in calm tone, assessing the heightened emotional state of other. most can't feel the psychic probing that his powers entail, but some are more sensitive to it, so he knows he has to be careful. the last thing he wants is to scare bucky off entirely. ❝ steve rogers sent me. he didn't come himself 'cause he was worried about getting involved. ❞ keanu explains slowly and with surety in tone, trying to show honesty. ❝ my name's keanu. i'm here to help, however you need. ❞
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Across the room, he caught Steve's questioning gaze – of course his absence would be noticed eventually. Bucky sent him back a smile they'd both perfected over the years: I'm fine, go back to what you're doing. Of course, it used to be shot across a school yard or dance hall, but the intent remained the same. God, it felt like a different world. Some days he felt the loss like a physical ache in his chest. It helped to not be alone in it any more, to have the one man he'd always felt knew Bucky better than he knew himself beside him. He hoped he gave some of that comfort back to Steve.
He chuckled, leaning back on the couch again, letting his hands rest on his stomach, feeling the slight difference in temperature between then through his shirt. The metal was never quite cold, given it's proximity to his body, it was often warm. But never quite as much as flesh and blood.
"I reckon so," he replied. It still baffled him that the random shit that had some connection with him or Steve went for money that once would have been life changing for them, never mind if it was signed. It was like they went to sleep as simple soldiers and woke up as some sort of mythical beings. "Would keep Stark from claiming it as his own, anyway."
He looked back over the gathered guests for a moment. It was just Avengers and their close friends, no playing nice with strangers who always wanted more than Bucky felt he could give them most days.
"It must seem so ridiculous, all this superhero stuff, compared to what you do every day," he said, turning his attention back to her. "Some of the missions they send us on, it feels more like we caused them in the first place by existing."
Surprised, and flattered by the joke, Jane laughed and clicked her pen a few times out of nervous habit. A swell of gratitude filled her chest that Bucky had not simply thought she was weird and made an excuse to escape her presence in that moment. "Yeah, I'll have to do that."
Jane chewed the inside of her cheek and looked down at the drawing on the table with pride. Bucky was looking at it too, but with interest rather than accomplishment. Whatever it was that threaded his voice with so much emotion when he spoke, the doctor could not guess. He was a fairly significant historical figure, but not everything in James Barnes' past was public knowledge. Something in the tone wrapped around his words made Jane think this was personal for him. Maybe even as deeply personal as some research was to Jane herself.
"That's the idea." Jane said quietly, sighing with a smile. Helping people was the driving force of most of Jane's choices....ambition was rooted there too. Proving she could do it. The most sure way to make sure Jane Foster did something was to say that she could not. It had been that way since she was a little kid. Only now it was more about making scientific break-throughs rather than climbing tall trees or making a jump on her bike. "I hope that answers any questions you had while reading the paper."
Out of words to say, Jane glanced over at the former solider sitting next to her. "Do you think it would go for more money if I signed it?"
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Bucky had let his eyes fall closed again, breathing a little harder than before. For all the differences, kissing Steve still felt the same. The feeling of their lips slotting together, the taste, even Steve's little mannerisms – the kiss to his palm and cheek, his fingers grasping at the fabric of Bucky's pants – they all were as familiar as breathing. It helped settle a little of the grief in his heart. Steve's body might be different, but at least something of the man he loved was still in there. And if offering himself up for some probably life threatening, experimental bullshit wasn't the most Steve Rogers thing he'd ever heard –
The comment about the USO girls earned Steve a sharp flick on the ear. Bucky really wasn't in the mood for that particular brand of Rogers humour right now, missing Steve or no. He didn't take that kind of shit from any of the boys he'd marched with, he wasn't gonna take it from his punk best friend, no matter how big he got. Running around after Steve and three little girls had actually been better practice for this shithole that Bucky would have ever expected.
The bulk between his knees made him want to break down again, but he was quickly swallowing those responses. Like he'd bury the horror of those labs, would shrug off the hard labour they were all put to, like the fact he was nearly at death's door and had only survived thanks to the guys in that cage protecting him. He concentrated instead on the warmth of Steve being so close, even as his fingers gently pulled those fingers from his thighs.
"Get up here," he murmured, tugging lightly to indicate the space next to him on the cot. They would be lucky if their argument hadn't been overheard – most everyone was in the mess, but that didn't mean there weren't stragglers. And if someone followed that noise and saw them as they are now, they'd be lucky if they just got a blue ticket home. Emotions were still running high, their luck couldn't carry them forever.
"So," he said, looking down at the floor again. "How many more fellas like you we got to look forward to seeing runnin' around?"
bucky touches his face &* instantly , steve is small again. not in a bad way , but in the way that makes him feel safe. to know bucky's hands are the safest place he can be. here , nothing could harm him. every fear he'd suffered alone to get here was met with the warmth of knowing it had been worth it. bucky was safe &* whole &* still loved him , despite his anger.
steve doesn't look away from him as he eagerly presses his face into the others touch. doesn't shrink away as he turns his face enough to press a kiss to the others palm. intimacy was common between them the older they got -- not that steve thought it meant much of anything. he's always been dense in this department -- what had started as practice for girls had become frequent &* normal , &* always left his heart thundering away in his chest. even this new , stronger heart was not immune to bucky. that's just how best friends are , he convinced himself. one day they'd both find girls to settle down with &* be grateful they knew how to be intimate.
so he doesn't think much of the kiss. doesn't read into it as he doesn't even consider hesitating before leaning into it , his hands gripping at the fabric of the others pants there at his knees. doesn't consider that every muscle in his body that had been taut since bucky left finally released to allow him to melt into the other. bucky missed him. the kid who caused him so much fucking grief -- he missed him. it brings a smile to the super soldiers lips , along with a breathy little laugh. ❛ couldn't let you have all the fun out here. too many pretty uso girls. ❜ he whispers the words as he brushes his lips against the others cheek , lips sweeping away the lines of salt there.
the hands at his knees slide farther up bucky's thighs , gently guiding them to part so that he can press forward , allowing him close as his form settles between them. he doesn't fit as easily as he once had. no matter ; he just wanted to be closer. ❛ ------- 'm sorry , buck. i just ... couldn't stand by. ❜
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Alpine ‘menace’ Rogers-Barnes
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The sound drew his gaze to those lips, and he knew he lets it linger just a beat too long. That was just his reaction to Steve all over: just a bit too much, a bit too long, a bit too intense. It was the same with his grasp on Steve's hand. What had once been an innocent badge of childhood now had a time limit to polite society. But Bucky didn't care much for what polite society thought of them, not in the safety of their own space.
He turned his head at Steve's gentle touch, but his gaze remained locked on the features he sometimes felt he knew better than his own.
“I’d still rather it was my face all busted up than yours,” Bucky murmured. And he smiled gently at the offer, even as he shook his head. The idea of moving right now made him want to shudder. He'd take these little moments wherever he could, even if he knew they couldn't last. “Nah, it’ll keep for now. And you know they don’t care what my mug looks like, it’s yours they get on my case about.” Adopting a ridiculous falsetto and clasping his hands under his chin, he added, "Oh, James, how could you let poor Stevie get hurt like that?"
his lips part with a soft , sharp inhale as bucky takes hold of his hand. it's such a simple thing ; once done without a second thought to drag each other around playgrounds or out of alleys to escape from the fights steve picked. here , there is no rush. no need to let go. his heart hammers away behind his ribcage as if he's outrunning bullies regardless.
❛ s'not better for me. not really. hurts just as bad. ❜ every hit bucky took in his place felt worse than just getting hit himself , if he were being honest. especially when he didn't ask for help. ( HE NEVER ASKS FOR HELP. ) he sighs &* raises his other hand to bucky's jaw , gently turning his head so he can see better. ❛ i think i have some disinfectant in the bathroom. want me to clean you up ? if you go home with that busted lip , your sisters are gonna kill me. ❜ he wants him to say no ; doesn't want to move from this position. not as his thumb brushes the cut on bucky's lip.
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i want to write but it's been a rough day mentally so i might save my words for tomorrow <3
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blood, blood, gallons of the stuff ! a collection of icky, bloody prompts for those who like to choose violence. actions are reversible. general warning for blood, violence, murder, death.
𝚂𝙿𝙾𝙺𝙴𝙽 :
" that's a lot of blood. "
" it isn't mine. "
" what did you do ? "
[ sigh ] " what did you do ? "
" come on. have a taste. "
" holy shit, are you okay ? "
" it looks worse than it feels. "
" you should see the other guy. "
" it's a good look on you. you should get covered in blood more often. "
" lean on me. "
" oh my god. oh my god, oh my god, what the fuck ? is that what i fucking think it is ? "
" . . . gross. "
[ standing over a body ] " oops. "
" is that a fucking body ? "
" look, i'm sorry, okay ? "
" what the hell happened ? "
" before you say anything, it wasn't me. "
" at least it wasn't me this time. "
" look at me. this is who i am, no matter how much you pretend it isn't. "
" look at me. this is who i am, no matter how much you wish it wasn't. "
" i'm not scared of you. "
" you don't scare me. "
" shut up and let me help you. "
" i got your shirt all bloody. "
" let's get you cleaned up. "
" that looks like it hurts. "
" i'm fine, just. . . give me a minute. "
" we are so fucked. "
" what the fuck is wrong with you ? "
" are you gonna help me clean it up or not ? "
" the fucker deserved it. "
" red looks good on you. "
" what the hell did you do ; tap - dance all over the body with ice - skates ? "
" what, did you run over the body with your car a couple times after ? "
" i. . . i didn't mean to. . . "
" sorry. fuck, i'm sorry. "
" this isn't what it looks like. "
" it was an accident. "
" motherfucker ran right into my knife, i swear. "
" people need to look both ways before crossing. . . bullets. "
" would you believe me if i said wrong place, wrong time ? "
" hey, look at me. i don't care. are you okay ? "
" they deserved it, right ? please tell me they deserved it. "
" you're bleeding. "
" what the fuck happened to you ? "
" you're getting blood on the carpet. "
" sit down before you fall down. "
" that looks like a you problem. "
𝚄𝙽𝚂𝙿𝙾𝙺𝙴𝙽 :
sender spits out a mouthful of blood at receiver's feet
sender spits out a mouthful of blood on receiver
receiver finds sender covered in blood
sender tries desperately to stop receiver's bleeding
sender helps receiver clean up after a kill
sender wipes blood from receiver's face with a washcloth
sender wipes blood from receiver's face with their thumb
sender licks receiver's blood off a knife
sender licks receiver's blood off their thumb
sender lights up a cigarette a foot away from someone they killed before offering one to receiver
receiver finds sender stood over a body
sender stitches up receiver's wound [ optional wound placement ]
sender digs their finger into receiver's wound [ optional wound placement ]
sender frantically checks receiver for injuries under all the blood
sender guides receiver's bloody hands under a faucet / water source and begins washing them clean
sender bites receiver hard enough to draw blood
sender tilts receiver's head back to staunch a nosebleed
sender draws a smiley face out of the blood they spilled :)
receiver finds sender cleaning up a kill in a daze
sender looks receiver in the eye as they shoot / stab / kill someone
sender ruffles receiver's hair, getting blood all over their hand
sender gets some of receiver's blood on them and makes a face
sender flicks blood at receiver to annoy them
sender stomps in a pool of blood to splash it on receiver
sender slips in their victim's blood but receiver steadies them before they can fall
sender steadies receiver when they slip in the blood sender spilled
receiver comes home to sender covered in blood and waiting for them with all the lights off
sender spits out a tooth and it hits receiver
sender tries to wipe blood off receiver but the blood on their hands just makes it worse
sender takes an injury meant for receiver
sender shows up on receiver's doorstep covered in blood
sender sits down quietly next to receiver after receiver kills someone
sender punches receiver in the mouth
receiver watches sender lick the blood off their fingers like its cheeto dust
sender helps receiver bury a body
sender hugs receiver just to get their victim's blood all over them <3
sender hugs receiver just to get their blood all over them <3
sender leans on receiver for support
sender kills someone to protect receiver
receiver finds sender in a frenzy maiming a body after they've already killed it
sender kills someone and the blood spatters on receiver
receiver finds sender desperately trying to wash the blood off of themself
sender kisses receiver to taste the blood on their busted lip
sender shoots / stabs receiver non - fatally as a warning
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A deep grief, an ocean he had been treading ever since they escaped that facility in Austria, was threatening to pull him under as he saw Steve knelt before him. Hands reached out, fingers trembling, to cup Steve's face, run his thumbs over cheekbones like he always had before. They weren't as prominent, not the ones Bucky had always known, but when he closed his eyes, he could imagine it was like when they were younger. When a small layer of baby fat had clung to their faces. As the pads of his thumbs ran over Steve's cheeks, Bucky finally let the tears fall down his own.
He knew that without Steve he would have died on that table. It wasn't even a question. Despite what the scientists had been muttering about – Bucky couldn't be certain, most of his knowledge of the language was thanks to his Yiddish – he knew he was expendable. There would always be more cannon fodder in this war, always more bodies to experiment on. And seeing Steve's face in the depths of that hellhole – it had like suddenly seeing the sun after an eternity of night. But if the price of that light was Steve in danger, Bucky would wish himself back on that table ten times over.
He said none of that though. Instead, despite the fear and dread churning in his stomach, Bucky leant forward and pressed their lips together. With his eyes closed, and the height difference afforded by their positions, he could almost pretend they were at home for a moment.
"I missed you," he whispered when he broke the kiss, resting their foreheads together. He opened his eyes and looked into the ones he'd dreamed of ever since he first shipped out for basic. "I missed you so fucking much."
bucky goes down on the cot &* steve finds himself following like a magnet is pulling him down to his knees in front of the other. there's nothing but pure concern in his blue eyes as he searches the others face frantically. bucky looks like hes gonna be sick &* suddenly steve wishes he'd carried him on his back for that long walk back to camp. that had to be why -- he was ill from whatever the hell had happened in that base. nothing else made much sense in steve's mind. ( he's always been a little dense about how his actions effect bucky. never really understood the others devotion to keeping him safe. it was hard to fight against steve's mentality of ' at least i died for something. ' especially now. )
at least not until bucky is snapping at him again &* he can feel the worry seeping off of him. steve's lips purse before he rests his hands on the others knees. ❛ buck ---- ❜ he wants to be defensive. remind him he wasn't exactly safe back in new york. tell him he was tired of always having to be saved. but he can't. not when he can tell bucky is on the verge of crying. no , all he can do now is show him he's still steve , under all of this pomp &* circumstance.
so he sucks in a breath &* then purses his lips as his brows knit together. ❛ i'm safe. you're safe. &* we're together. for better or for worse , til the end of the line. ❜ he offers a sad , soft smile &* gives the others knees a squeeze. ❛ c'mon , bucky. you know i'd never have forgiven myself if you died overseas while i was picking up scrap metal. swap us out , you'd have done the same. ❜
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Even though the food tasted like cardboard with his racing emotions, Bucky finished his plate. He knew better than to let himself go hungry for stupid reasons, or to waste food. Sam liked to tease him about it–
"You spoken to Sam much since this got announced?" he asked. Steve was closer to the man than Bucky was, after all. He liked him well enough, appreciated that he'd never treated him with kid gloves, even when he was still figuring out how to be a human being again. But Bucky knew himself well enough that if he tried to contact Sam, they'd end up arguing. Of course his question wasn't really if Steve was having nice little conversations with Sam. It was the kind Bucky was used to dancing around.
Is he okay? Are you okay? Do I need to worry about you doing something stupid?
But some of those fears were allayed by Steve's words.
"I know," he said softly, wishing they hadn't been forced into war by circumstance and never really released. "Hopefully it don't come to it."
Steve was just as pissed off about this, he had respected Sam's decision to give up the shield, that he didn't feel as though he was ready for it. That the shield could go in the Smithsonian as a piece of history. Steve should have seen this coming a mile off. Steve was just more of the silent type, trying to process what to do next. But was there anything he could do?
"I get why you're mad, Buck. I do." He said and looked at the other as he started to eat, shaking his head as Bucky started to talk more. "What else did we expect? I should have known this was going to happen after everything the Government have done." He sighed, Bucky was right. There was something off about John Walker, and he had a feeling it was all going to backfire. That they would clear it up without being asked to. "We got to give him a chance, we can't just go running in over nothing. We've got no authority any more. I just wanted a quiet life, Buck. No more war, no more fights."
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The breath he sucked in at that moment was sharp and too loud in the tent. At the fucking fair? The expo he dragged Steve to because it was Bucky who had needed something to distract himself? He'd figured images of the future he was being sent to fight for might help, even if he'd left the evening wishing Steve hadn't stayed at that stupid tent to get another 4F. The girls had been nice enough about it, but he'd spent the rest of the night far away. At least it had been easy enough to lie about the reason.
His legs felt like they could no longer hold him up, and he sat heavily on the cot behind his knees. Hands rubbed roughly at his face, trying to fight back the nausea growing in his stomach.
Arguments bubbled up his throat but remained trapped behind his teeth. He couldn't tell Steve that he was perfect before – Bucky had always refused to acknowledge that one of Steve's illnesses would take him eventually, but even he wasn't stupid enough to deny it to his face. But where others had looked down on him, Steve had always been larger than life to Bucky.
"You ain't walkin' away from a shot to the fucking head, Rogers, you ain't walkin' away from one'a those–those lasers," he bit out, teeth grinding and eyes burning. "You ain't see what I have, you ain't seen what I've done, and the only thing keepin' me sane was you bein' safe, you ain't meant to be here."
the sharpness offered back against steve's tenderness is jarring --- makes steve's hands still first , then drop away from bucky's face. ANGER. it was something he rarely got from bucky. never genuine anger. never anger he couldn't soothe over quick. it settles over him like a weight , dragging the soldiers shoulders down into a slight curl forward. he figured this was a risk -- bucky never wanted him to join the army. he thought he might be glad to see he was no longer little &* sick , though. he'd always been one case of pneumonia away from dying.
❛ i ------ i tried my luck at the fair. they denied me again , but a doctor saw some potential in a kid who wanted in that bad. ❜ so the answer was about ten minutes. then , a bit of defensiveness cuts into his tone. he hasn't regret his choice until now -- even if he can't understand exactly why bucky's acting this way. ❛ they gave me a chance to make something of myself , buck. &* it worked. i can never get sick again. hell , i can get shot &* walk it off. if i hadn't done it , you'd still be on that table , you know that ? ❜
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Hands remained curled into fists by his sides, muscles tense as Steve released him. Bucky wished he could be happy to see that face he loved, but everything was wrong. Steve was meant to be at home, in Brooklyn. Steve was meant to fit perfectly under Bucky’s arm. Steve was meant to be all sharp angles and wry comments. It felt like they’d taken the man he loved and twisted him. The only things that had stayed the same, by his estimation, were Steve’s eyes, his slightly crooked nose and his voice. Everything else was alien.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” he asked, staring resolutely at the ground, jaw tight. Because he knew if he looked up into those blue eyes, saw the hurt he was probably inspiring there, he’d give in. He’d let Steve fuss over him, and get them food, and prattle on about whatever idiocy he’d pulled this time. But he couldn’t, he just couldn’t, the rage was boiling through his blood. The delight in Steve’s voice just made his stomach turn.
“How long after I left for this hell hole did you wait before you offered yourself up for whatever the hell did this?” He gestured with jerky movements at Steve’s new body ( he’d never see those delicate wrists or the collarbones that had driven him crazy or wrap his hands around Steve’s waist again and it broke his heart ). “What were you thinking?”
the gruff tone the other uses draws confusion instantly , earning relent from the super soldier ; his arms unwrap , only for hands to cup his face. he assumes he hurt him from hugging him too hard. ❛ sorry ----- are you hurt ? ❜ there's nothing but concern on his face as blues scan bucky. ( his mind works so much faster now -- takes in every detail like it's a photograph saved to his memory. ) he doesn't consider for a second that bucky's angry at him.
he swallows nervously , brows knit as he brushes his thumbs against the others cheeks. they're more gaunt than they'd been back home. it's to be expected -- rations weren't the most filling. but there's also a distinct lack of that light he adored in his best friends eyes. figures it has something to do with the experiments. ❛ you look like you're starving. we can ---- i can go find some food. ❜ bucky needed to rest. ❛ d'ya hear ? THEY'RE CALLING ME CAPTAIN NOW. i think that means i get better food. ❜ there's boyish delight in his tone that matches his once small frame , shining through despite the new exterior. now that he's so different , everyone seems to forget he's just a kid. barely twenty-one.
#maimedaffair#★⠀⠀⟶⠀⠀i will never be forgotten with you by my side⠀⠀/⠀⠀verse.#sike steve can be as cute as he likes bucky is still mad
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As soon as the words left his lips, Bucky had known exactly how hypocritical he was being. If anyone he loved had said the same to them, he'd be clucking at them and forcing them to submit to whatever care he needed to give. But when it came to himself... it was hard to accept any of that in return. Years of having his pain invalidated, ignored or sought after had made it hard to show when he was hurting. Made it even harder to admit he needed help.
"I guess I'm just not used to people looking after me," he admitted softly, his expression pinched. "I was always the eldest, and then in the army, and after..." He just about repressed a shiver, and reached out to take her hand for a moment, letting the warmth of it ground him. "'M not tryin' to be difficult. Promise."
Sometimes his heart didn't know what to do with the love and care people gave to him. Back when he was younger, he'd taken it as normal, given it freely in return. But it had been too long where any kindness was alien and definitely not for him, when attempting to even solicit such a thing was met with harsh punishment. Some part of his brain felt like it had been rewired. However long he'd been away from HYDRA now, a small part of him still expected someone to take this from him.
jbbarnes : “I’ve had worse.”
of course he's had worse. they both have. much of it taking place when she was still growing. still , in her whole life . . she could probably count on one hand the amount of people she cared about enough to pester about injuries , and being sick. her dad happened to be right at the top of that list. she hadn't been allowed niceties when she had been in the grasp of HYDRA's clutches , her father and mentor really being the only one who had shown even a shred of that.
" yeah . . . i'm aware. " she answered. sitting down with the first aid kit and opening it up to get what she needed out. her dad was probably one of the best at suffering on his own , simply for the fact that he could. but why should he have to. he wasn't alone. he had people in his court. his own daughter being one of them.
once she had all that she needed , she paused and allowed her elbows to rest on the table as she looked across at him. " but why d'you act like you can't let someone help you out? " she asked with a bit of a pointed look before going back to her task she had set out for herself. " i mean . . sure you've had worse . . but we're not on a mission. or on the run. you can afford t'take help. " not like she was gonna give him much of a choice anyways.
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The medics had had a field day pulling a report out of him, as well as several officers, once word had gotten out that he'd been dragged off for those Nazi fuck's experiments. Bucky'd feared they may never let him go. One of the doctors had looked over his notes for a moment too long before looking back up at him with sympathy in his eyes. He'd murmured something that, had it been a week earlier, Bucky would have bitten their hands off to take. But not now.
Everything was different now.
Once he'd been dismissed, he'd managed to find time to get washed up and someone had shoved a fresh set of clothes into his arms. He'd been dreading the talk amongst the other guys, even the ones that had protected him when he'd been so sick – had that really only been a few days ago? Word was going to get out that he knew this Captain America, if it hadn't already. He'd been psyching himself up to join them in the mess hall when the brunette that had caught Steve's attention when they first came back had walked over. Bucky wasn't sure what to make of Agent Carter, but he'd given him some rations and pointed towards the tent they'd hurriedly assembled for Steve.
Inside was pretty standard, but Bucky had been alone, for the first time since he'd been abandoned on that table. Running his hands through his hair, tugging at the strands, he'd tried to ignore the way his stomach ached for yet more food. The way he heard more than he should, the way his night vision had improved. The thing that broke him from the spiral his thoughts were leading him down was the sound of his name and strong arms suddenly around him.
His own hung limp at his sides, and his face morphed into a scowl, rage simmering beneath the surface at this sudden reminder of what he'd lost. "Lemme go, Steve."
@jbbarnes ▐ bucky &* steve , circa wwii
when steve single-handedly returned to camp with the rest of the missing unit , everything became a whirlwind of activity. all of the soldiers were checked &* steve was whisked away to give a full report on everything he'd seen &* what had happened behind enemy lines. HE HASN'T HAD A SECOND TO BREATHE. it's an honor &* he's glad to do it , but there's only really been one thing buzzing in his brain since he got back &* was swiftly separated from everyone ----- he wants to see bucky. see with his own two eyes how he was doing. it wasn't enough to just get him here -- he needed to set eyes &* hands on him. actually catch up without everyone surrounding them. god knows the walk here hadn't been adequate.
peggy seemed to be the only one who grasped why steve could possibly be antsy around about the fourth hour of debriefing. with trust in the both of them a new foundation to build upon , she couldn't cut in too early. when she does -- he barely catches what she's using as a reason for needing him -- he's quick to hop to his feet &* give a formal goodbye &* goodnight to the higher-ups. she leads him to a tent he doesn't recognize -- it's new &* similar enough to the captain's that steve's clueless as he simply goes where she points. inside , baby blues land on bucky like a magnet.
❛ buck ---- ❜ it's barely a whisper before just a few long strides have him at his friend's frame. he doesn't hesitate to draw him into a tight hug. it's strange , hugging him now -- bucky's shorter &* thinner than steve when it had always been the other way around. his long arms envelop him where he'd once had trouble reaching all the way around. maybe it has only been four or so hours since steve last saw him , but he spent too long thinking he was dead. he hasn't had a second to actually hold him &* convince himself he was real. that anything he'd done to get him back was real. ( he still feels the uncertainty -- maybe he died jumping out of that plane. hell , maybe he died getting that serum. everything since then has been weird &* out of body. )
#maimedaffair#★⠀⠀⟶⠀⠀i will never be forgotten with you by my side⠀⠀/⠀⠀verse.#uh oh steve he's mad#good luck stevie
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If he could freeze time, Bucky would choose a moment like this. A moment that was just for the two of them, one he could lock away in his heart, the tender look on Steve’s face, that hand in his hair. As he lay with his head in Steve's lap, his hands folded over his stomach, he felt like he could drift off. If anyone else were to see, they’d be lucky to just get the shit beaten out of them, but there was no one to catch them. Here, in this moment, they could just be.
He opened his eyes properly as Steve spoke, giving him a warm, if slightly cocky, grin.
"Course I do," he said, voice a little raspy. "Find us a way up there and if they give you any trouble, I'd teach 'em what for."
Steve didn’t have to ask; he’d never have to ask. Ever since Bucky had first set eyes on him when they were little kids, his heart had claimed Steve Rogers as his own. His mother used to joke about just sewing their clothes together, they spent so much time practically joined at the hip.
His movements were slow as he reached up to gently grasp Steve's hand where it had just brushed over his cheek. Gone was the ease of childhood, when they'd just grab hold and run – but Bucky couldn't say he was bothered by the way doing so now made his heart thud harder.
"I'll be right as rain soon enough," he said softly, giving a squeeze of his fingers. "Better me'n you, anyway."
@jbbarnes ▐ bucky &* steve
↳ but i would fight against the stars for you
it's strange , being able to feel bucky's devotion. to know at his core , he means every word of it. steve's never been great at accepting love &* praise ------ as much as his mother had tried to heal that part of him his father had broken , there would always be a doubt in his mind about whether he was worthy not. if there was anyone in his life that could rebuild the cracked foundation , though , it was bucky.
so he smiles , cheeks red &* eyes crinkling at the corners. feels the warmth spread through him as it always does when bucky looks at him like that. ❛ you really mean that , huh ? ❜ there's no doubt in his tone ; just restating it as the fact it is. scrawny hand reaches down &* ruffles his best friends hair. they're laying on his bed , steve against the pillows while bucky lays his head on steve's lap. it's an intimate position no matter how innocent , but he can't bring himself to care. his parents have passed ; no ones going to walk in &* catch them. even if they did , he's not sure he'd pull away. not as soft blues roam bucky's face , fingers falling from his hair to brush against the newest scrape on bucky's cheekbone. the purple there makes his chest ache. ❛ i'd never ask you to do that , though , buck. i hate seeing you busted up. ❜
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