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To the me who was hopeless, afraid and full of doubts. Burdened with worries about my future, family stress and identity crisis. Friendships slipping through the cracks and a dropping weight the only source of comfort. To the me who was weak but remained strong; thank you, I love you and I'm sorry.
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I miss how everything used to be, especially me.
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I just wish I was normal...
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We both begged for understanding, so why can't we follow through? I wonder if this uneasy feeling lingers with you also. When we're retracing fond memories and holding each other. When our breathing is timed and our words kinder, I wonder if you feel this nervousness too.
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Sometimes you miss the memories...
...not the person.
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Courage is one step ahead of fear.
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"Prove me wrong. Will I ever find someone who loves like me? Will I have to accept coldness? I'm not the type to be chipped away when met with coldness. I'm the type to only give in when I'm met with warmth.
I think all my words through before saying them. I would never hurt him intentionally. Each word is careful.
Prove me wrong. If you said it, how can you not mean it? I know when you're joking. Let's be honest here. You we're trying to hurt me. I'll frame it for you. Your ego was hurt and you wanted to hit back for a second. But the difference was I wasn't trying to hurt your ego or your feelings. You snapped back and used my weakness against me. I don't really want a hug right now. How can you give me the pain and the remedy all at once?
I fantasized about this... being comforted by you after a long, trying day. You're only human. We're both only human. You can make mistakes. But please, let's both be more careful. I have no one else but you. If you hurt me I feel some type of way. Like I'm backed into a corner. Like I'm a little girl backed into a corner. You bring me back to that space.
Small and with no where else to go. It's a bad feeling. Truly awful feeling."
... So that's how you feel even when you won't tell me. Maybe you can't.
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Soon you'll be able to sleep well again. The sadness will be swept away in one blow. You'll eat proper meals from now on too. Everything will fall at your feet. A new sun will embrace you, a new moon will watch over you. Soon a spark will light up in your chest and you'll forget all the bad things. As I stroke your cheek and hold you close, I can't help but think how natural this is. Of course, even at this parting, comforting you is a must. 
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The Lover (1992)
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 Indefinitely….
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Can we be bestfriends in love, dear? Can we grow old together? I wanna be by your side for the years and years to come. Can we fall like feathers? Falling softly and slowly for one another? I wanna be here for you, through the good and the bad my love. 
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Don't do it. It feels good in the moment , but the moments before and after aren't worth it. It's what's gotten you to this point. Stop self sabotaging. Don't give up on yourself.
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If I could see my self through your eyes, would I like myself more? Would I be handsome? In my eyes you're the most beautiful. Kind eyes and warm smile. Am I a bit like that too? I don't know myself. I need you to tell me who I am. Shape me into what you want me to be. I don't like me right now. I didn't like the oast me either. Paint me in such a way that even I like me... so we both don't get sick of me.
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What is so beautiful about it? Life just hurts.
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Da fu?
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😂🤣
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Strange looking dog
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No drinking. No drugs. Just videogames to escape this world we live in.
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