jilskistreet

[jilskistreet]

How to feel rich.

We are made to believe that we are poor, brought up in a mentality of lack and need. This not only causes suffering in ourselves, but as well in those who surround us, those who we make feel poor. Yes, you read right.

Maybe it’s the echo of rough times that we’ve had as a society (post-war poverty), maybe it’s the industry that is trying to make money off us, maybe it’s something that our brain is wired towards, but often enough, our thoughts seem focussed on the lacks, wants and needs in our lives.

This is a chance to rewire ourselves, to reprogram. If you’re reading this, you’re not poor: you have time, you have access to the free internet and a device to run it on. You have the opportunity to chose your source of knowledge, learning, inspiration, motivation (and I’m happy you’re here :)).

Recently my nephew asked me why I don’t take on a “proper” job so I can stop being poor and have many things. This made me laugh and I replied:

Rich is not who owns a lot, but who needs little.

A few weeks later I had a very low moment, a moment of many needs, of feeling several lack (of love, friendship, time, youth) and I only got out of it when I let my psyche run to the bottom of it, trusting that it would find the appropriate reply. In a moment that started with self-love, I came to a very interesting conclusion: we abound (like mentioned in a previous post).

We have, as long as we live, boundless amounts of quite a few resource at our disposal: time, love, compassion, words, attention to name a few important ones. And although we do get tired and sometimes ill, most of the time, we can share those freely. And does the love within yourself become less if you share it with someone? No it doesn’t. I realized then, that my previous quote could evolve into something like this:

Rich is, who has a lot to share.

Thus, making those around you rich. Share your time, your experiences, your love, your affection, your friendship, your encouraging words, your approval. In one word, share the good vibes that you find within.

Following this thought, since we have have a few seemingly infinite resources at our disposal, we are indeed in the right when thinking of ourselves as infinitely rich.

So to pick apart the system of values that my nephew (bless him!) expressed in that sentence, we see it is quite the opposite of my own thoughts: we are made to believe that we are rich if we work and have money in order to buy things for ourselves. It is (yet) beyond his perspective to see that his oncle gives his time and love to strangers when playing outside for change, which is the concept of sharing what I have with everyone around me.

(I am aware that not everybody wants to hear my music and that to some I might present a nuisance, but the response I get from people who come down the stairs and smile at me, often telling me that I made their day, their Feierabend more beautiful, that I bring joy to their lives, who express gratitude, this is what makes me go on, this is what makes me have the thoughts I have presented in this entry.)

Can you reflect on your life with these quotes in mind? How can you apply them?

One topic that came up with a friend this morning is about love. I applied this concept of wealth to analyze the common situation in which one person is drawn towards someone, who reject them, while at the same time rejecting a few other people themselves. The rejecting person in turn, might again long for a person that rejects them, while rejecting my friend plus a few others (recursion detected). Everyone feels rejected, everyone feels, if I may say so, a type of poverty. Our brain that is programmed to perceive lack and need, in turn perspires the same. It sees poverty and thus creates poverty - materializes the notion of poverty into their environment.

A critical thought that you might be confronted with when reading these words: “why settle for less than you can have”, “why not aim for higher goals”? This, as well, in my opinion stems from the “poverty-thinking” that we have been brought up with. Is this concept part of a perfectionist, goal-oriented society? Reflect upon how or whether perfectionism in your life actually makes you feel inadequate (yet another form of perceived inner poverty). Reflect upon whether not achieving your goals or the fear of failing affects your self-esteem negatively. This, as well, is a form of focusing on lack/need instead of appreciating what you can do, what you did already achieve.

Let us all break this circle. Let us all start feeling the wealth that surrounds us. And once you feel rich, let us all start sharing this wealth. Share your music, your art, your love, share your words of encouragement. Share your thoughts and knowledge and don’t give in to doubt. It is ok to doubt your art, doubt your knowledge, it is even very healthy to do so, so don’t worry and don’t be afraid.

Let us invite someone dear for a dinner, let us make a spontaneous present, let us hear what someone has to say, let us hear the story of a friend. Let us smile to strangers, let us buy a stranger coffee, let us come up with ideas of what we can share. Let us just share more freely, more often. And remember that in order to enable someone to share, it is also very important to be able to receive, to open ourselves up to accept what others would like to give. Of course as long as it is comfortable to you. This is important before I leave you: Only give and take as much as you feel comfortable with. Do not force yourself or others (and I have been guilty..). Having said that...

Let us all make each other feel wealthy and warm, let us feel grateful. One love.

#wealth #poverty #love #riches #rich #friendship #giving #sharing #caring #busking #music #life #prosperity #onelove #attitude

[jilskistreet]

Do you accept reality?

Life never stops teaching. This could be viewed as part two of my 2017 entry about civil disobedience.

After a beautiful gig last night, full of love, friendship and mutual understanding between musicians and listeners (followed by a neigh orgiastic jam session), I have yet again been confronted by what is commonly called “reality”:

I was playing at one of my favorite spots, good vibes, talking to my audience, meeting some old friends, just having a good time, when two police officers came down the stairs and asked me to leave.

No, I didn’t harm anyone, quite the contrary, I gave myself (musically, amicably) to people. I think I had a positive impact on my surroundings, but they shut me down. I had to show them my ID card, but was still treated in a friendly manner.

I have observed this pattern quite a bit lately: a real high, followed by the contrasting low. Love on Wednesday, conflict the next day. It makes sense, it is natural and logical: an energy saturates you and when the energy stops, the levels fall and you feel the negative slope.

Laws, rules, the cold, winter, all of this is definitely part of the reality that we live in. However, I do not accept and do not obey this reality, because this simply is not the reality I would like to live in. Reality is a difficult concept and the first question we should ask is whether reality starts or stops in our minds and second keep the question in mind about whether reality is real at all (from what I’ve seen: no. It’s just a film.).

The first aspect is meant like this: Either we perceive reality in our mind, and only then it comes into being (meaning, what no entity ever perceived or was affected by is not real), or whether everything around us already exists and our mind perceives it after the fact.

I have no answer, but I have an answer, a personal one: the way I deal with reality (and this is the only way I like) is that I create it. Although this could imply that I am a God/Creator that in fact “builds” the entirety of the universe (and this is what I experienced as well, but that’s another story), I mean it much more down-to-earth: As a teenager I used to be a dreamer, idealistic and all. Now, I still have dreams, nothing changed except that I actively shape the world around me, actively create the reality I want to live in. The price of not following your dreams is just too high.

I love music and I love people. I love good vibes and friendliness. I love closeness, peace, comfort, honesty, helping each other. And if I have to break the law in order, disobey rules, step out of my comfort zone, get punished, then that’s what I’ll have to accept. The only law that I follow is that of trying my best to not harm anybody, to meet everyone around me with respect. And I am conscious of the fact that indeed, what I deem right, someone else might deem wrong. This is a personal choice and when in doubt about right or wrong, I chose with my heart and with compassion towards others and myself.

So I say, let us all, every day, without fear of repercussions, create the world that we want to live in. Let’s make this life beautiful for each and every one of us. One love.

#life #love #rules #germany #berlin #busking #police

[jilskistreet]

Rise And Shine

This year, I will rise and shine. The past 4 years have been dark, gloomy, often lonely and - neccessarily so.

Life is like a string of lessons. You are presented with them one by one - they have the appearance of people, they have the appearance of desires, of wishes, of accidents, coincidences, bad luck, good luck - they come in all forms. And they come at you one by one, in a circle, until you finally manage (aka, pass) them.

In 2019 I’ve managed so much, I’ve met so many beautiful people, I am so grateful. I have been confronted with fear and defeat and haven’t looked away. I have been confronted with doubts, despair and have proudly walked in their direction, until they dissipated like the misty, veiled illusions they are. That is all they are. I have looked into the abyss until all I saw was love and beauty. I have loved myself, I have loved everyone around me, I have dismantled the construct of the mind that is the feeling of “lacking”, of “needing” and replaced it by what is “giving”, “sharing”.

We have so much of everything and yet we think we lack something. We don’t. We are perfect and beautiful. We abound.

And on my journeys, finally, I have confronted the Infinite. I have surrendered to it’s beauty, to it’s vastness, to it’s intensity and I have learned that this is all we really are. And you, I, we, these are different words for one thing and that is: us.

I have always been the moon and now I have also become the sun. And thus, this year, I will rise and I will shine.

[jilskistreet]

Today I smoked a cigar that I was given by a homeless man.

Living in a world of surplus - surplus of “have”, we are going to be shocked by a surplus of “share”, at a point of the not enough.

In this case, I thank of the stranger who’s name I don’t know. There’s this saying, or sphere of syllabes said as:

Give and Take.

What does this actually imply? Does it imply that I give and in the next step I take? Not to me. Taking in this, means “allowing to receive” to me. It means that when someone is ready to give, I accept and thus, by both giving and also receiving, I make way for both happiness and gratitude.

Receiving this gift, and a few others, heh, in our eyes, worthless gifts from that homeless man - I should have asked his name - and with every reception, he wildly laughed and spoke out words of (hardly comprehendible, but overstandable) joy (further: jOi).

So, in giving - it lies? I have recently found myself in a (thing of the heart/love) situation that is unusual to me - without the picturebook confines and agreements, contracts of a re-lation-ship. Do you need a new word? Here it is: Elation-ship. It means you and her or him or them elate each other. Elated is when it feels like flying.

At any rate, it is about giving. Giving love to the humans you meet, without fear (and self-speakingly, without imposing yourself, because of course you observe whether someone allows themselves to receive what you give), this is unbound happiness. I give my love and therefore I am surrounded by people, who receive my love. It can’t be another way because I’m not wasting my or your time and energy (which again, could be viewed as the same as love).

Because energy that you keep you use on giving love to yourself. Easy as that.

And then there’s gratitude. Gratitude is when you realize that nobody owes you anything but they still give freely. You feel the love and receive it so that love does not go wasted but stays between the two of you.

So what if you are ready to let go, but you are afraid that someone stops giving? Well, this is a case for self-confidence - or feeling of self-worth. I am worth being given to, this must be clear to you. It still does not mean anyone owes you anything :) So - let go.

Homeless stranger, while I was smoking that cigar (and no, I don’t usually smoke), I thought of how jOi-full you were when giving.

Cheers and have a long life, mate.

#berlin #busking #musician #love #giving and receiving #give and take #homeless #gift

[jilskistreet]

Of Comets, Luck and Hearts

Dear people.

First off, I must apologize for my last rant-post, or not, but at least about its ending. It has been pointed out to me, that wishing humanity extinction is a bit harsh of a reaction and in hindsight I must agree :D so - I’m sorry, humanity, and I’m giving you another chance.

The last few months have been pretty crazy for me. After a complete breakdown of faith and almost complete loss of hope in February (coupled with having a nice flu to go with it), I have been blessed with immense luck and good vibes every since in my very darkest hour of doubt and despair a comet came sailing down the dark-blue night-sky and comforted me in the blink of an eye. Yes, this is a true story, it’s not a fantasy of mine and yet I’ll only tell you the whole thing in a song or two, in future. Since I’m not a William Blake, words alone wouldn’t do it justice.

At any rate, since that moment, and I knew so, everything started working out better for me. I have gotten gigs, I have gotten various music jobs, I have gotten to play some really nice gig with lovely new and old people (hey Humphrey Heim and Mita Pantani what’s good??!), I have found my first handful of piano pupils, I have started playing piano in a gospel choir, I have made recordings for a young artist who is working on his second album. I’ve met a bunch of colorful characters and found, lost, found and lost (the cycle continues) my heart with a someone from the past, present or future.

The latter of which inspired me to write a record amount of new songs in a matter of days, the first bunch after a drought of basically almost no song-writing at all since my last album. If you wanna know, I’ve written an entire new album worth of songs already and I can’t stop. Can’t stop, lol!

Throughout all these epic times I must say I am not only happy, but also proud of myself. Proud, that I have not given up. It was tough as nails, bois and gurls. When life is tearing you down, until no flesh is left anymore on your bones, when you’re exposed and under pressure from all sides, that’s when it’s actually time to realize not only what you are able to do, but what you love. And what you love is what you need to pursue. For me, it was also a test of blind faith in an uncertain future and being the dreamer I am, there was no other outcome than to say yes or, rather, a more in-character “yea, man!”.

Excuse the grammar and nested-ness of the following sentence, but in the words of the bottle cap in the above image, which I got shortly after the comet-incident, from a random woman who heard my music, the cap being from the apple-mint Tymbark sort of drink that comes from my country of origin, Poland, which has been my favorite drink since I was a teenager (still am a teenager), TALK ABOUT COINCIDENCE - I may well like to believe that the best would yet be to come.

At any rate, let’s end the wordplay, go back to real. What I wish you, all of you listeners, believers, supporters and also all of you unconcerned or even indifferent people: the key to making your life colorful, joiful and just plain old suck less is not in trying to catch a comet, but to say a healthy yes to new things that come your way. Embrace them, whether it’s new people, whether it’s new experiences. We all have doubts, we all feel anxious, but ultimately, positivity, or its ultimate form, love, is a force that will blast all doors open for you. Also, every time you open a new door, a protective spell will wrap itself around you, let my buddy Hermann Hesse spell it out in his poem “Stufen”, here in excerpt. Cheers y’all.

[...]

Es muß das Herz bei jedem Lebensrufe

Bereit zum Abschied sein und Neubeginne,

Um sich in Tapferkeit und ohne Trauern

In andre, neue Bindungen zu geben.

Und jedem Anfang wohnt ein Zauber inne,

Der uns beschützt und der uns hilf, zu leben.

[...]

#life #yes #dontworrybehappy #luck #fate #faith #berlin #music #streets #busking #love #hope #good vibes

[jilskistreet]

Society of Nobody-Cares or the Case of the Shattered Bottle

Do you want to know what’s wrong with society (one of many things)? I’ll illustrate one aspect with a story that happened to me today.

I was playing outside, at Rathaus Steglitz, quite ok, enjoying and people were nice. A group of teenagers came (2 guys, 2 girls) and they were kicking an empty glass bottle in front of them. One of those dumbasses kicked the bottle stronger than he should and the thing shattered.

“Hey, what the fuck?”, I shouted after them, like I usually do. I feel it’s everybodies responsibilty to speak up when these things happen, but I was the only one who said anything. Like usual, this is not the first time. Also, nobody seemed to care and the teenagers just walked away. With two more people supporting me, we could have taught those asses something, but no. This has happened countless times, I have felt it’s my duty to speak up but nobody else did.

Anyway.

With the shattered bottle lying in the middle of the way from S-Bahn to U-Bahn I thought someone would try to pick those big sharp pieces up, as I was rooted in place with my bass, playing.

Nothing like that happened. I watched tens of people, hundreds of people walk by, accidentally move or even step on the glass, making loud sounds. So many people looked at what was going on and everyone just kept walking onwards, with this typical “not my business” attitude. Oh, you just stepped on a huge, sharp piece of glass and it’s not your business?

I couldn’t believe what I saw. After around ten minutes of watching this, I laid down my bass and shoved all the pieces in a corner, picked some up by hand.

People with children: what if your child fell and cut its hand? People with bikes (who were riding their bikes while looking at their smartphones lol), do you wanna get holes in your tire? People with thin shoes, do you want to have a piece of glass pierce your sole and foot?

There were people with ice-cream, who apparently had time to enjoy themselves, who accidentally hit the glass, but yeah doing something that’s not strictly your business is just not sexy I guess.

I went home in disbelief. Myriads of people walking in front of me, all looking at their smartphones. This used to be a joke, but now it turned (pretty bitter) reality. Am I the only one who cares about anything except my own little world?

And on my way I thought that humanity actually deserves extinction.

#berlin #busking #glass #society #nobody cares

[jilskistreet]

Life is trying to break me - and it’s a good thing.

The stronger you act, the longer you will take to be broken. The longer you resist, the later you arrive.

View this picture of me standing at one of my favorite spots, ready to play for my loyal audience. Lovely, wish I could be there right now, but instead I’ve been blessed with a particularly long and enduring case of some respiratory inflammation.. lungs, throat and all that, in a word, the worst nightmare of every singer. And it hit just as I was most eagerly discovering new things in my voice, motivated, happy.

It will pass. And I will sing again.

A whole week without playing means a whole week of lost income, which is, by the way, not feathered at all by the ridiculous 180€ of health insurance I have to pay every month. Ridiculous because I’m working a week of every month for this fee and when I’m sick, I get nothing. Ahem. Works as advertised.

And life chooses just this week of me being bedridden for some juicy invoices to arrive right at the doorstep of my miserable, feverish, coughing self. No mercy for you, son. Murphy knows where to find me - and he’s got the best timing.

After checking the invoices and paying, I realize that this is probably it. Yes, I know, that’s what I have already prophesized in October, but this time, common, really.

Anyway, I’ll accept all that may come.

Usually I suffer when I’m ill, when I can’t create, can’t play music, can’t sing, can’t just be happy. But this time I decide not to. I decide this is a fantastic week of holiday (that I can not afford - lol), time for relaxing, listening to some new music, watching some youtubes (love you Michael <3, good stuff Sammy, hey Diana) and I forbade myself to be unhappy about it, at all and drink unholy amounts of tea instead.

Realization: If you cannot be unhappy about your fate, what else can you do, except for accepting it - and ultimately being happy with it?

Life has put me in this situation and I swear I’m giving my best. My belief in life leading us is so strong, that I can only accept that this process (of breaking me), must happen and is necessary and important before I can ascend further, before I can continue with music. I believe it might be the sort of process that humbles me, shakes me, throws me on the ground and let’s me realize that whatever I lose in life, I will not lose my love for music and this will let me be a happy man.

What may I lose? I’ve always enjoyed playing on my Yamaha piano, it’s been with me on Things Come Different as well as a ton of other projects, I’ve recorded, composed, rehearsed practiced and even taught on it. After this week, I am ready to let it go. If it must be, it must be.

I had been assembling my drumset for nearly 15 years, hand-picking cymbals and even assembled one of the drums myself, I have put SO MUCH LOVE INTO IT, but I will let it go. If it must be, it must be.

I have recorded my album on analog tape, because I think it sounds best, have patiently taken care of and repaired my Tascam. But I will let it go.

After such a long and dramatic introduction, you may find it anticlimactic - this dude is crying over instruments and gear - whatever! But fact is, these instruments have been the center of my life and not only that, they have embodied something important... the desire to make real music, on real instruments, in a very fake and artificial world, a mantra I’ve been chanting for a long, long while.

But this mantra, I will let it go as well! If it must be, it must be.

Stripped from these things, I will continue making music, and if all that is left to me in the end is just my vocal chords and a fork and a knife, then that’s what I will use to make music with, in the tiniest one-room shack in the middle of a deserted no-mans-land with water dripping from the roof (hope my kid likes that - lol), well, then it must be!

And all those dreams and wishes, they will all be broken off, all shattered, trampled, but I know for sure, the thing that remains at the very end, before I disappear, dear reader, is the thing that will really count - and it will sure shine real bright, and that’s why I’m happy and accept my fate.

PS.:. If any of you is interested in buying a grand piano that belonged to a famous Berlin street musician, let me know!

#broken

[jilskistreet]

Last year, a homeless man bought me a coffee.

Through personal misfortune, I will be living alone from next month on and this is most probably going to be the beginning of the end of my street adventures.

Living your dream in a system that doesn’t support dreams, but rather supports and encourages day jobs and paying taxes :) is incredibly tough. When I left my job three years ago, a very epic time began for me, a time of adventure and intense personal and musical growth. I have successfully ignored the odds of making a good living through music and have just been lucky.. lucky to be invited to gigs so much, lucky with all the support that you have all given me, most of you who don’t even know this blog exists. I’ve been on tour in Italy, I’ve played at weddings and birthdays, played during storms and during snowfall, played at plus 40°C and at -15°C and it’s not the elements that would have brought me down.

I have been lucky because I met so many musicians who became my friends, found love, lost love countless times, made so much music on pretty decent instruments, recorded an album and tons of demos, improvisations. I have come up with strangeness and the “jilski acoustic band” and have been part of a few other projects initiated by other musicians.

But the biggest luck of all is actually understanding how lucky you are. It’s all not worth it if it doesn’t make you feel good. I’m starting to cut corners everywhere and when I will have used up the last 400g of coffee that I still have, there will be no coffee anymore, since I’m broke on paper and soon in reality.

That’s not supposed to sound pathetic, quite the opposite: feeling how good we have it in this life, being able to take part in nature and its fruits, feeling companionship and belonging with who we spend our time with. Honestly, even if I lose everything a civilized man is “supposed to have”, I will still feel lucky for what I have had.

In a weird way, when you come to a point at which something that you were afraid of happens, the fear subsides and you feel calm and peaceful.

However, the situation I am in is a bad testimony of the system (Babylon the Rastafarians may say) we are living in. What a crazy world it is, when you do what you love and it ruins you, forces you to the ground, forces you into submission. Whatever the reasons may be, this is pure slavery.

I’ve taken the luxury of reading a book now and then and realize that so many people do not even have the time to do so. Why not? Our lives are programmed to be about easy consumption (media, internet, movies, online shopping), about everything that generates money (and wastes resources!). Being enlightened through books or meditation or music or love does not generate money and thus is not “supported” by the system and if you tried to live your life fully that way, you will come to a dead end. On the contrary, being enlightened and being conscious and aware is discouraged as it makes you turn against the system.

Let me tell you a little story before I finish: I have met so many good people while playing on the street and one of them was the old homeless guy at Rathaus Steglitz, the one sleeping on the ground and who is being removed by police every now and then. One day he walked past me and picked up trash from the ground in order to throw it in the Mülleimer. He was, in all the time that I’ve been standing there, the only one who I ever saw doing so. Thousands of people walk by with their Luis Vuitton bags and expensive clothing, perfectly made hair, make-up, trying to grab as much of life as they can for themselves, but this homeless man was the one who picked up trash in order to make that grim place that Rathaus Steglitz is a little better place. And then... he went to the bakery and came out with a coffee. For me. A homeless man bought me a coffee. I will never forget this situation and I think with high respect of him when I see him, every time. One day I tried to give him some chocolate but he denied. Being the one who talks to himself and sometimes screams for no reason, he is being treated like the crazy guy, while in fact everybody else is. And in my eyes he’s a prime example of a good person, of someone who makes the world a better place, not a worse one.

Anyway, I have so much more to tell and I will. I feel proud that I am still standing and will continue doing so as long as only possible. I found some recipes that are very cheap to cook and it’s gonna help save some money. The learnings in all of this are just too valueable, the experience makes me a better person and that in turn helps me give more to the world, in a better way. I encourage every one of you to try and live against the system.. it has really been the best time of my life, even if the toughest :)

Until then!

#busking #money #system #babylon #adventure #winter #summer #berlin

[jilskistreet]

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade

Elbert Hubbard, Dale Carnegie and others

Who doesn’t love a fat dose of misfortune? Who doesn’t love a streak of bad luck? If you’re frustrated, it might be time for some lemonade.

We all work hard, presumably. Working hard, it is said, is the only way of achieving your goals. But what if you work your butt off, but are treated unfair by life and nasty things happen to you and your goals? It might be a matter of perspective and might be in need of correction.

I’ll explain in a later post why, since a few years, I’ve always believed that having goals in life, aiming high etc. is the easy ticket for becoming depressed and unhappy, not able to enjoy things no more.

One reason is that it’s mighty easy to get very upset when our goals move out of reach or perspective. Picture you are an aspiring classical pianist (I wouldn’t recommend!!), you put in your 6 hours a day, even Sat and Sun. Holidays? Nah, just a bad distraction. Have to keep in shape. A week of not playing? Nightmare - will take at least another week of getting back in shape. That sort of stuff. Can you follow?

Now imagine your name is Robert Schuman or Alexander Scriabin and you really exaggerate with that practice and hurt your hand, your sinews (damn them!!) - carpal tunnel syndrome, maybe?

You might as well, in those 2 hours that were too much or too stressful for your hands, have ruined your career - in game speak that’s a clear case of Game Over. Now imagine those bitter tears.

Or you can make lemonade from it - like Scriabin, who wrote a few fantastic pieces for left hand only:

And this, my folks, is how you make lemonade.

If you didn’t know, the man above, Vladimir Sofronitsky, is one of the truest interpreters of Scriabin’s piano music. He is a story in his own, had a tough life. But that’s your research.

I have to add, that Scriabin recovered from his injury and continued to be an enormous pianist. But Schuman resigned and decided to dedicate his life to becoming a full-time composer instead. In that regard, he also did make lemonade and some would say - a really tasty one at that.

By the way, wanna hear my own story? Happened this week. Hurt the most important finger of the most important hand for double bass: left index. Now I’m forced to not use it for how long? Weeks, maybe one month or two. That means I’ll try and play it all with just the remaining three fingers. And it’s gonna improve those fingers technique by a great bunch. That’s it XD

#lemons #lemonade #life #misfortune #bad luck #piano #double bass

[jilskistreet]

Why I Stopped Being An Artist

Why I Stopped Being An Artist

23.4.2018

Jaroslaw Ilski

In a world full of artificiality, a world remote from nature, from what actually nurtures us and keeps us alive, I won‘t make the mistake of being an artist anymore.

It occurred to me this morning as I was practicing piano at the Universität der Künste in Berlin. The rooms around me were ringing with muffled translations of notes to eyes to mind to muscles to fingers to piano keys to piano hammers to strings to the resonance plate to the wood, the room, the rooms around, the long, echoing hallways of the building, to the fundaments of the planet, to earth.

Multiplied by 20. Or 30. Piano players trying to squeeze out some musicality from the air around them, from the instruments under their power. All following the notes, notations written down centuries ago, more or less precisely trying to convey whether something should be played twice as fast as something else or twice as quiet or twice as high.

Teachings and practice at modern music university are the pinnacle achievement of goal orientation, and thus expresses the state of our society – confined, forced to consume, forced to obey, work and pay in order to live. As you may notice, any kind of freedom is being taken away from you at an early age, you having to adapt to what your parents or teachers say. We are not being taught what we can do, but what we cannot. We do not learn to appreciate and regocnize our talents, but first and foremost our errors and errings. Early on, we already know how things are not „said“, or how results of our thinking or actions are not correct. „Do not“ is the prevalent learning, followed by „you can not (yet)“.

Thus, when confronted with a sheet of music, titled „J. S. Bach“ or similar, thousands, millions of young students will sit down to receive the correct way of how to make it sound. The „do not‘s“ heavily imprinted into their minds, they are practicing in order to maximize their chances at being accepted into the music business, into playing at the houses, which house those, who go by the rules, who are then in turned visited and listened to by those who go by the rules, all in order to make a living in a city of Berlin or Paris or New York or all over the world.

All of this is meant to bring us closer to shelter and food, brought to us by the system that we have been born into, earning money by artificially overriding our natural hearing, thinking, finger‘s movements or vocal chords. Earning money that we use to bring back what is actually a natural given by nature, food and shelter.

Thus, as I still love playing the piano, or composing, I find myself indebted to nature and have to forfeit the artificiality of all I do. Maybe go live in a cave.

[jilskistreet]

strange lights and stuff...

All the while that I’m trying to survive playing outside in Berlin’s rendition of February (minus 9!), I’m having an absolute blast working on some secret new shit. Be it recording stuff for my next album (yes) or planning and rehearsing for my live concert series “strangeness”. I’m broke as fuck, but in such a good mood and energy live I hadn’t felt in a long time.

People have been lovely outside. Since my last post, I’ve been playing the streets again several times a week and although it won’t help with my financial ruin, I’ve met some good folks again. My friend Ivan has a series of monthly pianoprayer concerts taking place in Kapelle am Urban and we’ve had a nice few jams together. Well if you need a relaxing evening for yourself, check him out definitely.

All the while, it’s kind of funny how people regret my upright bass more than me when they see me standing in the cold, with just short, tattered gloves so I can still play. Hearing “oh, isn’t this bad for the bass?” just makes me shake my head. Dear (German? Western.) people: Your love for items and dogs, as opposed to compassion for the human being is an involuntary act of cynism.

On the positive side, I’ve yesterday had a marvellous recording session with my man Humphrey, been a while, my man. He laid down some sax on my trax, it’s hard to believe. It’s out there.

Speaking of which, dear neighbors, I am terribly sorry for the rumbling, eardrum-piercing music masterpiece recording session that you have to endure in your daily life with me, not once a week, but day in day out from dusk till dawn, spread throughout random intervals between 5 minutes and a complete hours of jamming. I’m a bad, evil neighbor. But I can’t help it, I’m sorry - I’m on a mission.

Speaking of which, the mysterious next album that I’ve been working on has just been a bunch of recordings on one piece of 1/2″ tape until recently. But with the latest magnetic manifestation, it became it. It’s the successor to things come different, but just in the domain of time (if you still believe in the concept of time). It’s rawer, more spaced out and artistically on a wholly different level than what came before. I’ll be reporting.

So, until next time. Enjoy your meander and see you on the streets.

#jilski #berlin #busking #recording #tape #album

[jilskistreet]

When you disrespect

... bad things happen when you do. For a while in November and December, I was so fed up with the street and busking that I totally let it be. I thought I can just “make” it by apply for a lot of shit on the internet, writing mails and stuff. I went on tour to Italy, too. Heck, I even let my bass sit in the corner and played just piano.

 Well, I produced some nice new ideas, videos, interesting stuff really. But my piano and vocals video was absolutely ignored by everyone. Yes, you’re all guilty. I thought it’s dope, but common, not even 80 views? Half of that was me!!

Anyhow, I won’t blame you all, I’ll blame the internet.

I also hated the streets so much. The last week that I had played I sold not even one single CD and earned reaaallllllyyyy low. So I started to DISRESPECT.

And life made a point. My finances went thundering down, to the point that I had to sell nearly everything I could. Including the tape machine that I recorded above video with. Since I stopped sharing my cards and CDs, literally nobody went on my website anymore, nobody liked my facebook page, literally nothing went on anymore. And I didn’t meet anyone, hardly got invited to do any gigs. One big shutdown like in the US these days.

So, life made a point.

I’m not disrespecting anymore, or sitting at home alone, working. I realized I wanna start meeting people, get out of my studio, be on the streets again. And I’m doing that. People get excited about my songs again, I met some fantastic people, scored gigs, sold CDs (probably 10 in the last 2 weeks) and I feel good.

On the other hand, I absolutely stopped caring. I stopped giving a damn about how well or not well I sing, play, write, whatever. Since I’m without a day job and doing whatever the fuck I want anyhow, I can as well do whatever the fuck I want inside that domain, too! And that gets me excited.

So stay tuned. It’s a new jilski you’re facing.

Oh and I’m back on the bass. I love my bass. And my studio, which has it’s own website now at magiclabs.jilski.com.

Peace!!

#jilski #busking #berlin #streets #life #fuck all

[jilskistreet]

Italia had us high and low.

It’s been a while now that I’ve returned from my first ever tour outside of Germany. I’ve been asked to join two norwegian pop artists (names changed :P) to tour 13 small locations all around Italy. The pay was pretty damn modest to begin with and actually less than I could have made on the streets, but the adventure, man, the adventure!!

 Adventurous lust had us high and low for sure. We were shocked out of our “yeah, we’re touring” right after our first gig, which was in a small, but very lovely restaurant. I mean, the food was incredible that first night, but so were the screaming, rambling, shouting masses of audience, for whom we were merely a little more colorful version of an mp3 player. I swear, I couldn’t hear myself. But being a hardcore busker I’ve been in situations like these before. Not so my Norwegian friends, who were pretty shocked and speechless at the situation :D Let’s say that for the rest of the tour, half the situations were like this, while the other half was an actual listening audience.

 That same night one of our keyboards broke down and we had to go to a store in the morning in order to buy a new one. And three keyboard stands. And bags. Since I didn’t have a proper keyboard at home, I decided to get a full sized 88 keys weighted one for the tour. Bad idea!! It almost didn’t fit into the car, it didn’t fit into the plane back and I had to spend 4 hours in Rome trying to get it shipped to Germany on the day of my flight back. Crazy shit. They actually made me wrap the whole damn box in paper, because the italian post office wouldn’t ship anything that had any company names, letters or anything else on it. Here’s a picture of me with all my luggage, completely tired, trying to ship this 16kg monster to Berlin:

The truly exciting thing about Italy in December was partly with seeing such rich, fertile and blooming landscapes in the middle of winter. We had really nice views. The other nice side was hanging out with the girls, having endless meaningful talking in the car, routing from one place to another. We barely listened to the barely listenable italian radio while going.

We had one day off in Florence (Firenze) and used that to shop some vintage stores and chill out to the max. Never been to vintage stores before but there was some interesting stuff I admit.

At one point came the last stops of our tour and things kind of started pretty much going downhill. Since there were some misunderstandings (I guess??) with the booking agent or the promoters, we rarely had two rooms - not to mention three separate ones - as none of us are a couple and we kind of hadn’t known each other before. Most of the times it was the three of us in one room, which was amusing in the beginning, but started to be terrible when we started having wildly different opinions on the gigs we played or the audience we’ve had. But - I believe - the worst was the cold in the last three to four days. It was just freezing cold and Italian houses rarely have heating. We were given those electric radiators which were usually way too small and ineffective for the effective rooms sizes. One day the heating worked for around 2 hours and then turned off for the rest of the night. We wore winter coats while staying at those places and were rattling with our teeth at night, while being tired - and often disappointed.

One thing that was interesting for me though, was the experience with the keyboard, was playing a full keyboard every night for almost 12 nights in a row. It was not as satisfying as with the bass and I secretly made plans to go back to bass a bit when back in Berlin. I kind of started following that plan now.

I love the piano, but somehow I liked the sound and style more that I had with my bass earlier. Pianos tend to follow these western ideals of a clean, in tune sound so much, I was missing the colorful madness and rattling of the bass. Another point is that with an acoustic bass, I have my real sound right with me, while I rarely have a grand piano to play on, especially not when touring and being a less known (let’s be honest: completely unknown) small artist.

So all in all the experience was deep and philosophic. I realized what is important to me personally (playing music for the audience, not just myself), I dealt a lot with what I’d call star airs, not just within the group, but within my thoughts in general, with expectations that failed to be met and the resulting frustration and disappointment. We dealt with tears, with a gig cancelled before it started as well as with gigs cancelled in the middle of the set. We’ve also had trouble with getting paid one time, but I guess that’s still not bad, right? We got it all in the end. On the other hand, I’ve had my fair share of playing my songs in Italy so that might be a good thing.

All in all, the keys and the shipping cost me so much that I made no money at all, but still owe money to certain people. The business side of it was terrible I guess and I’m in a very-not-good situation financially now. A problem that needs solving.

On a funny note, I gave out some business cards while on tour and one week after I got a message by an angry neapolitan cab driver who accused me of having ran away without paying after being completely drunk in Naples. The cab driver found my business card with that person and now believes it was me.

I swear, it wasn’t.

#jilski #italy #tour life

[jilskistreet]

Goodbye Bass, Ciao Italia!

Believe it or not, but I haven't played in the streets since the last post and I probably won't anymore. After appearing in a local newspaper under the headline "My Place" ("Mein Platz"), I have ironically stopped going there at all. Maybe it was exactly what I needed, a sign telling me what will go wrong if I continue like I used to. To shock you even more: I sold my bass amplifier, that means - I’m not gonna play bass anymore while singing. This chapter is closed and over and I’m not sad at all.

Naturally, quite a lot has changed. First off, I have big news: I am going on tour to Italy for two weeks in December! My lovely friend Kine Hjeldnes (https://soundcloud.com/kinehjeldnes) has invited me to play keys/bass on her tunes and I'm free to open each set with a few of my own songs every night! Isn't that crazy! Also, I'm looking for a booking agent and am in the process of recording some piano/vocal live demo for that. I've only been able to make it through November and December thanks to the support of friends and family and some lucky gear sales that I had put on ebay. Well, that means December is more or less covered and while I'm recording and trying to find gigs or an agent, I'll just be praying to the gods of music that they grant me another month or two.

At the same time, I've been trying hard (but not too hard!) to improve my piano/singing skills. You know, there's a point at which you realize you sing less stellar than you previously thought and that's actually quite a good point: your hearing got more precise and you're at the next level, sort of. You begin hearing subtleties that you didn't notice before because you were struggling too much to stay in tune or rhythm or whatever. Singing is way harder than it appears in the beginning and that's coming from someone who plays three other instruments.

Anyhow, I'm pretty excited and hope you all have a great christmas time. Maybe I'll quickly sketch how my tour to Italy went, when I'm back. See you in a bit!

#berlin #no more busking #winter #italy #tour

[jilskistreet]

Noise Levels

I’ve been meaning to write about this thing since a while as it bothers me a lot. The noise levels in this city (world?) are absolutely insane. I live in a very quiet street and I’m not speaking about deafening the noise of the big streets or stations that I normally speak of.

I’m speaking of drills, hammers, helicopters and those machines for blowing away leaves. I mean, seriously, I’m sitting at home, it’s supposed to be quiet, but there’s one electric blowing machine going on one side of the house, there’s a hammer going on the second side of the house, then there’s a drill in between and from time to time, the local helicopter flies. This goes on and on non-stop. As soon as one construction site is done, another one opens up. And then there’s trees being cut down and gardens being torn open just to make them a little more beautiful. This year it seems, has been particularly bad.

Our sonic peace is absolutely being trampled on and I can’t understand how not more people complain about this. As soon as the sun comes out, lawn mowers are being turned on every 50 meters. This “machine-loving” menality is sick to a point where, as long as someone is working or constructing or anything, they have absolutely all rights to do the most meaningless work like blowing away leaves with three people who each wield that diesel engine leaf blower and nobody say a thing. The mentality here is that “work” is holy and supposed to be carried out no matter how pointless it is, it seems, at no matter what level of noise.

This may be a strange topic to write about, but I’m about to go insane in this noise :X

#berlin #noise

[jilskistreet]

My place: Where exactly?

I’ve written about my expedition into a hardcore practice of three instruments plus voice every day. With rising force come rising expectations and with rising expectations, reality comes crushing. The higher I get, the faster I notice the imperfections of every thing around me and inside of me.

When I actually gave the little impromptu interview for our local “Berliner Zeitung”, I told the guy that not only me but also several close people believe, that I don’t belong on or to the noisy streets of our capital. How ironic was it when I saw the headline under which my little portrait stood, a series called “my place”. What?

I’ve actually had some quite lovely gigs in and around Berlin in the past few months and all except one of them has strengthened the impression of me making a (very misplaced) sort of background music. Neither my voice nor upright bass are actually constructed for a pleasant background.

At the same time, that’s what it became over the course of the last year, whether I was playing at markets, stations, weddings or celebrations.

Then came this one little gig, one that actually paid the least, by a large margin, out of all of them, and it was just pure lovely: I sang and played, people listened. And I could hear myself, for the first time since a long while I was actually able to hear what I’m singing and react to it, because everybody was quiet. And that’s coming from somebody who’s playing almost every damn day.

Though, one thing this article got right and that’s my wish for pure music, for no amps and no digital, no smartphone, no nothing except the naked voice, naked bass that go right into the naked ears of the audience. In an era like ours, acoustic music is as strange and unheard of as it must have been with recorded music when they invented the grammophone back then. And I don’t mean the “singer-songwriter with a guitar hiding behind a microphone” kind of thing.

At any rate, I’ve been at a complete loss of where my actual “place” is. It’s not the streets anymore, it’s not the markets. Heck, I even cheated my bass by playing piano a bit too much. Let me rephrase that, then: I don’t know where my place is and I don’t know what’s my instrument anymore. Except voice, can’t be putting that thing down. <3

#berlin #busking #jilski #berliner zeitung

[jilskistreet]

Student of music.

It’s been a long, long while since I’ve last sat at university until midnight to practice piano, but this is exactly what I did last night.

Several things have happened since my last post about “Goodbye streets”. First of all, no, I haven’t quite quit the streets yet. Actually, I’m going out to play right after I finish this post and breakfast. Second, I playing much less outside, also earning much less. I’ve had some nice gigs lately, which kind of help financially, but most importantly I’ve decided to focus all my energy on practicing really hardcore: I practice and play all three instruments (piano, bass, drums) plus voice every day (for hours, that means 6-8 hours). I really feel this is needed for the next leap, which is a sort of live-solo-band that I’m working on. If you haven’t, check my recent “making of” my album video to see what I’m talking about:

Anyhow, that’s what I’m practicing lately. The most important and hardest element of that is getting a good and musical piano and vocals live performance: playing piano and singing seems easy until you have fast or complicated songs, at which point I start sounding mechanical in the voice. Therefore - practice.

I’ve also sold a bit of equipment, which is the only way of surviving. Most of the stuff I’ve recorded my album on has already been sold. But you know, I really believe in this way and though practicing three + 1 instruments sounds like a lot of work, this is my work.

Right now I feel suspended in mid-air, not knowing where money will come from, not knowing how to pay next month’s rent without getting even more indebted, but I have this very clear vision and I’m pursuing it. Love takes sacrifice, same goes for love of music.

#music #busking #sacrifice #practice #practicing #studio