jjesuis

[jjesuis]

I hold back my tongue from saying shit that could hurt you,

So that you wont go away.

That is love

#mine #b

[jjesuis]

I remember the previous meeting. 13th January

First of all to he called me previous day asking to make a bahana about Rabia and daachi wagera. Sham ko i told him i cant come. Ofcourse staying late wala scene hi nahi he.

As usual he got pissy and cut the call. After a few he called again and was like pehle btana tha ab me 100 kilometer nikal aya hun. Etc etc. Mene kaha k mene bas poochi thi cheezain.

Anyways then he said penalty bharni paregi. I asked what. He said i have to pay for the room. I said ok. I asked how much he said around 5.5K to 6K. At the same number.

I ppaid him. Then he called again and was like kal ap ne 7bje ana he. I was like whar. He was like har baat me apki nahi chalni. 7 bje tu mjhe mere pas chahiye warne mene a jana he. I was like ok ill try.

Ofc it got late and late abd late. He even said me lene aun. I was like. No. The car etc. He was pissed cuz i got late. I had to go to school first and then get to him i reach hjm around 9. He was pissed AF.

He asked me mene usko call q nahi ki k school se lene aja. Mene aaj jana tha jaldi cuz bar election he and its an importsnt event. Isko agr miss kro to poora sal 0 value rehti he its important professionally. I felt like shit. Kher he opened the razai and told me to come in. I didm he took my sweater and shawl off. And i i hugged

He hugged him from behind. So warm and so ssfe i felt. Ofcourse he was touching the things down there. Even kissed me twice. And my ear and neck. And while we were shifting positions, he bit be on my cheek and then my arm hard cuz he was pissed. After the cuddling he turned me over and even began to pull my trousers down and said he would spit on my **** to lubricate it. I asked him why he wana do this and he was like wese hi kher the same argument. He would regret it. No he won't. He left. Why is he back blah blah.. he was lying on top of me and he lowkey put his d on or around my v halanke he meant it to be for the ass. When he was pushing jt forward, it slid towards my v. He rubbed it while we were talking and at one point he came right off that... i felt his liquid droop into my vulva. I didn't hate it. It was hot even. He was blanked out, even settled his head into my shoulder from behind, and i held his face that way. I love this position tho. The shoulder neck thingy. I even asked him why he called me. He said he was missing the perfect head. I asked him why he was back and all. He said he didnt know. Pagal u r in love with me. Kab maane ga tu.

He got offf and cleaned himself then he gave me tissue to clean myself. We talked and talked and he put my hand on his d and asked for a handjob.. which i did.. he came.

Then we were talking more. I mean i know he was not happy but still. He told me about her. How he had been with her 14 years even showed me a sketch he made of her. I'm not gonna lie i was jealous of this. So much passion and love she got from him. Mjhe idhr scraps bhi nahi milte.

Idk then he asked me if i love him. J got scared of his reaction so i asked hjm. He said no. He didnt think so. He said that he had been in it for 14 years so he knew what love was supposed to be like. One time she was hungry and he ordered food and dropped it off at hers. When he had had an accident, she was the one who took him around the hospital on a wheelchair. Good love. Tender memories.

He said i thought i loved him. It was my nurturing nature that caused me to feel so. Maybe cuz i was 30 plus and had a mothering instinct i took offense to that. Gadhe k bache. Dont u see what i have done for u and with u?

He also said i shut my emotions offf. I ignore them. Sociopathic tendencies, i felt really bad. I felt like crying. I lowkey did too. He sidnt see itm

I just got quiet and we stayed in bed for some time till the hour arrived. I just left. I was hoping he would be at the door... somewhere... looking at me. But nahi tha. ... wapsi pe he saw vaseline and joked k pehle pta hota to yehi use kr leta.

[jjesuis]

My love. My love. My love. 💓

You are my own heart at this point.

I love you so much. I love you so so so much.

My heart is filled with nothing else but love for you.

I can never resent you. I can never hate you. I can never feel anything bad for you.

Tum bohat ache ho. Bohat bohat bohat ache ho.

My heart has never wished for anything but your good. I have nothing but prayers for you.

I wish you could see that right now. I wish you could just know.

It won't happen right now. But I know it will happen. You will know the depth and purity of my love. And I will love you then even more.

My precious... you dont even know what you are to me. I will tell you one day.

You are a part of me. You are the best corner of my heart. I love u a million times. God bless you my love. God bless you. 💓

#mine #For B

[jjesuis]

How do I tell you? How do I tell anyone?

I have no words to say because there is no one to listen. Why waste my words in the void.

I fucking hate this. I hate myself. I hate everything.

Where are you? I want to talk to you. I want to spend enough time so that I'll trust you enough to open up. My lips are locked but I want to speak. I want to tell you the things you want to know. I want to learn things you are keeping from the world. I want to heal you too while you heal me.

This is stupid AF and no one would ever hear or get to see this. But its ok becuz im in the phase where i am scared. I dont know what you'll do. I dont know if you'll stay. And that scares me. That thought makes me sad. Even though I might learn to live without you. But that is sad too.

Its all weird. Im just a mess right now. I want to jump out of my skin. I want to scream. I want to hide under layers and layers of water. I want to be close to you too. In every way, believe it or not. But im going crazy. And i must fight this. When did it ever serve me? When did feeling happy ever serve me? When did wishing and expecting happiness EVER go in my favour.

What can I do? What more can i do? What do i have nothing nothing nothing.

Where are you????? Please come so I can talk to you. I cant even call you because you and I arent like that yet. I wonder if "heart-to-heart" connections even exist. I am afraid to ask God for a sign because I fear it will be a no. What misery!!! 가지마... please come to me... what a misery. If only i could tell this to you... tell this to someone. I suffer all alone. I am in my misery all alone.

#mine

[jjesuis]

Never forget how they gave you distance when you needed love

[jjesuis]

ainslie hogarth motherthing

kofi

#quotes #words

[jjesuis]

Erika L. Sánchez, from “La Cueva”, Lessons on Expulsion

#poetry

[jjesuis]

#writers and poets #art #poetsandwriters #spilled ink #books #for me

[jjesuis]

@academia-lucifer

#academia lucifer #moodboard #aesthetic #dark academia #dark academic #dark aesthetic #dark moodboard #dark romanticism #dark academia aesthetic #dark academia moodboard #books and coffee #books and libraries

[jjesuis]

Edgar Allan Poe

#books and libraries #chaotic academia #Edgar Allan Poe #light academia #lit #literature

[jjesuis]

if i could just steal the moon from the sky to keep myself for who else could love her like i do

#dark academia #light academia #bookblr

[jjesuis]

BRENDAN FRASER 28th Annual Critics’ Choice Awards January 15, 2023

#critics choice awards #brendan fraser

[jjesuis]

#mine #david #davidboreanaz

[jjesuis]

there is something so darkly comical about tumblr potentially outliving twitter

tumblr, which is held together with duct tape and madness, run by three raccoons in blood stained Yahoo! hats and a handful of crabs, its only discernible source of income the sale of shoelaces from an inside joke so inside no one knows the original source anymore and fake blue checkmarks... that website still lives on

truly the cockroach of social media and I love it for that

[jjesuis]

#dostoevsky #fyodor dostoevsky #literature #crime and punishment

[jjesuis]

#tom hiddleston #welp #dean winchester #batman #my additions

[jjesuis]

For a second i thought this was a batfam meme blog and the post is one of Damian's teachers texting Bruce Wayne; and except for "eat it like a sandwich" it was "was singing to it"