jungyna

[jungyna]

skinny

when I was dying

I think it is really fucked up

to start a sentence like this

everyone complimented me

on slowly turning to ashes

'You look so pretty dear'

they said

and I heard

'try harder'

when someone is suffering

from lung cancer

You don't light them a cigarette

You don't

You do not hand a suicidal person

a loaded gun

unless you want them to die

so why did you?

why did you handed me a gun?

what was I supposed to do with it?

besides pulling the trigger

when you are sixteen

and at some point

we all are

nothing is as easy as dying

without anyone noticing

dying isn't like it is in the movies

a 60 second sequel

with blood and wounds and lots of noise

it is a quiet long-term-process

You do not recognise the dead

-aeris

[jungyna]

The most ironic thing in world is that I am severely obese... Like truly not just in my head... I do have history in not eating at all, severely restricting, binge eating, vomiting, etc. But because I am severely obese nobody ever believes me... Even when I tried to get better, to get help. Psychiatrist I told that I have issues with food only said "you don't have anorexia" and than proceeded to talk to me every session about my weightloss journey....

So why should I even try? When I start to loose weight nobody asks me how I did it. It's always you are so good, I am so happy for you, you are getting healthier... Meanwhile I am vanishing slowly, my mind filled with thoughts about food not being able to think about anything else...

So I'm gonna be that good woman... Good daughter, good friend... That good person, that's getting "healthier" ... I'll for once try to do my best...

[jungyna]

Funny how I in the end always come back here... No matter how much or how little time has passed... I always come back here. I come for comfort... Maybe... Maybe it's self torture... I came back here and am reminded of the things I gave up once again... Sometimes I come for day or two other times for couple months... It's alway damaging and helpfull at the same time... I come back when I feel like I am loosing control... But I don't know why I come back...

So hello once again, let me please stay for some time... I either stay and loose my mind here or leave and loose my life in the real world... Not quite sure what's the better option here..

[jungyna]

[jungyna]

reblog if a close member of your family has ever told you you’re fat

[jungyna]

“Feeling lonely is not about how many friends you have; it’s about feeling disconnected from the rest of the world.”

—

[jungyna]

Growing up in an abusive household is a fucking trip dude……If you’ve never had someone angrily wash a dish at you or fold a sock in your direction then how are you gonna understand why I get nervous when you quietly do the laundry, or why I ask “are you mad at me?” when you set the bag of groceries down too hard? It’s a totally different way of living and it impacts you long after you’ve left the situation.

[jungyna]

trying to calculate calories in home made food like

[jungyna]

this is the offical ‘i care’ symbol this is how it works: basically you reblog this and your followers know that you care and that they can message you about anything anon or not and you will reply back or at least look at there message. if you care about your followers please reblog

[jungyna]

I'm gonna tell you a story about a girl that always gave up.

There was a girl that always gave up. She gave up every time something seemed tiny bit hard. She gave up every time something seemed out of her reach. She gave up everybody who didn't reach for her. And with time she gave up her self esteem. She gave up her self love. She gave up her pride. She gave up the ability to love someone. In the end she gave up her will to live. She didn't have a will to die yet, so she decided to NOT give up this time. Unfortunately, because she was already so damaged, the thing she didn't want to give up, was the thing that will destroy her in the end. But she didn't give up.

I will gladly tell you the end of story, but I'm not there yet.

#thoughts #hate myself #give up #not give up #eating disroders #anamia #depresed

[jungyna]

If I can’t be the pretty one,

If I can’t be the smart one,

If I can’t be the funny one,

If I can’t be the happy one,

If I can’t be the sexy one,

I want to be the skinny one.

[jungyna]

Just thanks...

Changes For Plus Size Ana’s

• Roles fading/getting smaller

• Working out feels easier and easier

• Jiggling is felt less

• Generally less sweaty

• Feeling lighter (idk how to explain this feeling being different for plus size people it just is)

• Feet getting smaller (noticeably happens to me but not everyone)

• Fat gets in your way so much less (when bending over, walking somewhere narrow, etc.)

• Chub rub gets less intense or happens less

• Stairs don’t kill you anymore

• Getting cold more often

• Shaving takes less time because there’s less to shave

• Feeling content with less food than even thinner people

• Feeling and seeing BONES (this is so exciting to me idk why)

I am a plus size ana so don’t get offended if you think I’m pulling this shit out of my ass. I have experienced most of these at one point or another and let me tell you, it’s amazing. I can’t tell you how many posts I’ve seen that I just can’t relate to like “Finally seeing ribs” or “Fitting into an xs” or something like that. Hopefully I do someday but rn I need more tailored motivation. It sucks not having that. Obviously, these don’t apply to everyone, but this is for me and to show other people what it’s like being a big ana, so it doesn’t matter.