junmemories

[junmemories]

I don’t know what to say to you except that it tore the heart out of my body saying goodbye to you.

Vita Sackville-West, from a letter to Virginia Woolf dated 28 January 1927 (via crimical)

#misc #{ONE LAST POST BECAUSE THIS IS PRETTY!}

[junmemories]

∆ Farewell - a letter to muse

Before I start this, I’d like to say I made some amazing friends on this account. You guys are all wonderful - regardless if we’ve spoken or not - and I was, I am and I will always be in awe of how you all convey your characters, how you write in such a lovely manner, how you’re all so damn wonderfully talented. To those I had the chance to para and script with it truly was an honour - I’m sorry I always took years to reply OTL. Please take care of yourselves and hopefully we’ll stay in contact yes? Feel free to drop by my ask box if you’d like my AIM or something - I would love to continue all scripts and paras if possible, and I hope you guys would like to too.

It really has been amazing being here. Please look after yourselves and should you ever need me just drop me a message here. This blog is gonna be kept for memory’s sake :) so I’ll probably be around anyway.

Typist x

So here goes:

Dear Junhyung,

I know I’ve put you through a million and one things - forcing you into the fashion industry, making you face an agent and an exclusive society that frowns down upon those who aren’t quite perfect like the mannequins they doll up. I had you on borderline self-destruction - with an eating disorder you can’t bear, a heavy addiction to alcohol and cigarettes as if they’d solve all your problems. I’m sorry you were hurt so many times, I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to find love - Hyunseung’s expressed more than enough times that you deserved to find someone, to be held, to be told ‘I love you’, to have someone you can call your equal, your other half.

And I know it’s pretty grim right now, you’re in a foreign country completely lost in translation. You’re terrified, scared, petrified of what’s to come. But let me tell you this.

You’ll find out that Japan isn’t all that bad. In fact you really love your six months over there - you end up extending your contract with Comme Des Garcons; Rei Kawakubo really likes your face. You make quite a few friends - some from the modeling world; some that go from potential partners to friendship instead, and some you just meet on a day out. You have quite a few visitors too - your family; Dongwoon; Doojoon; Hyunseung; Junghwan…that’s only a few. It isn’t as lonely as you think when you get to know the faces around you.

Dongwoon and you argue it out the first night he arrives in Japan - it’s horrible to say the least, but everything’s out in the open, the tension is cleared though the problem isn’t solved. He asks if you want him to go, but you tell him to stay and you both talk all night just sorting it out - and before you know it you’re friendship is all about sexual innuendos; light switch problems; singing songs you both used to randomly serenade one another with. Another pie chart about your friendship is made. You both come to terms with how things are. You’re both okay.

When Doojoon gets to Japan it takes him an hour to find your damn apartment - the second and third time he comes he either remembers or has better satellite navigation; either way you’re grateful. You spend the duration of his time there taking photos and exploring the city. You’re childhood best friends who have been separated long enough, so you have a major catch up about…well everything. Honestly it feels like you two were never apart.

The minute Hyunseung comes over, you and him go drinking - Daehyun is apparently at home on baby watch duty; you laugh at this for ages. You two have always had that tradition of getting blind drunk with one another - it is not different in a different country. Luckily you know the streets of Tokyo and enough Japanese to get by. There’s a lot of stumbling, random bouts of crying - being drunk also means being emotional remember. You both have a lovely time seeing one another, make each other origami animals from that master class you take Hyunseung too - what were you thinking Yong Junhyung, you cannot fold paper to save your life?

You even get a break - finally! You take the opportunity to go back to Korea, spend more time with your family. You see a multitude of people - no one’s really changed. You get to visit Himchan and see his baby girl for the first time - he says he’ll try and erase the memory where you squealed so happily because the little baby takes a hold of your finger and noms on it, plus your face doesn’t scare - miracle! Kibum smacks you and yells “SIXTYFOUR YOU’RE BACK” upon seeing you - thankfully no one really knows the meaning behind that nickname though you admit you have really missed the kid. Hangil wraps you up in a hug - you share a night together and he tattoos a Japanese proverb which you learn whilst abroad to the back of your neck. Tae - who’s always busy with her schedules; being an idol is tough - sits with you in cafes, drinks chai lattes with you until neither of you can really stomach them. Lay and you go to the beach again - that’s like your hang out now - and you drift in paddling boats, talking about life and such in such a casual and relaxed manner, whilst eating ice lollies. And hey, you even see “Sunwoo” - who actually is called Chanyeol - when you go out clubbing with Dongwoon and Doojoon - and you finally get to know the other on a first name basis.

When your time in Japan comes to an end, you’re Seoul-bound until your agent says DSQUARED2 have taken interest in you. That means you’re heading for NYC - further than Japan this time, but you’ve learnt enough to know that maybe you should be open these experiences instead of fearing the shit out of them. For the next couple of months you end up jet-setting everywhere - it’s AW2014 - so you hit up London, Milan, Paris. You’re breaking into the industry at rapid speed. Everyone wants you to be the face of the campaign - this is both a good and bad thing - great for your image, bad for your health.

Boy London call you to England. That’s where you meet him. Remember how Hyunseung always says you deserve to be loved, well here you go. He’s a fellow model, you meet in a club in Shoreditch - the UK equivalent to Hongdae - and he wins you over when he says he likes your smile. His heritage isn’t Korean, you couldn’t care less because his background, his history, his personality have you completely intoxicated. But what draws you in are his eyes - bright blue. He introduces you to London like you’re his long lost friend and when he kisses you, it feels like fireworks are everywhere. The language barrier is non-existent, you know enough English and he learns bits of Korean from you - though his pronunciation sucks, but your English one isn’t all that great; plus he attacks you with kisses when you start to nag. It scares the hell out of you because you’ve felt like this before - all butterflies and whatnot - it never ends well for you. He asks if you and him are something - you want to say yes, he sees your hesitation, he kisses you until you aren’t scared anymore.

You realise you’re destroying yourself and he won’t let you wither away. He cares too much about you - probably more than yourself. You scream and shout and argue and fight. He hides your cigarettes, fucks you when you have a withdrawal so instead of giving into your nicotine crave you’ll both give into each other - you think you prefer it this way.

Time never stands still and you can’t stay in one location for long. Eventually you head back to Korea. Your boyfriend - oh my god you have a boyfriend - comes with you, holds your hand during the beginning of the flight because he knows you hate turbulence. You introduce him to your friends, to your family - he wins them over with his bad Korean accent, but he tried and that makes you love him more.

Though it takes some time, you’re back to eating on the regular. Your agent scoffs that you need to lose weight and you throw him the finger, walk out of his office. You go from model thin to average sized human being and you’re content with how you look - don’t see cracks in your body when you look in the mirror. You quit an industry you hate.

You get to see everyone during your stay - you’re flying to god knows where now - and what really makes the trip home memorable is how Hyunseung runs at you, startles you with a hug just before you go through the security check with your boyfriend’s hand in yours, whispering “you look happy”.

You know you are.

You’re happy.

And I hope you never feel otherwise.

Love,

Typist x

#letter to muse #bye guys #I'm gonna keep this up for memory's sake #p.s. i made a new account...if you would like it just yell

[junmemories]

I loved too fiercely, while you couldn’t feel at all. And it ruined me.

Haiku on Self-Sabotage [ jl ] (via wanderluhan)

#{not here} #misc

[junmemories]

CALIFORNIA - PLEASE SHARE THIS AMBER ALERT

"THIS IS URGENT! There is an amber alert for my two cousins Hannah Anderson (16) and Ethan Anderson her younger brother. I want this to spread FAST! Around to entire US not just California."

ON AUGUST 3, 2013, AT 05:00 PM, HANNAH ANDERSON AND ETHAN ANDERSON WERE ABDUCTED FROM THE CITY OF BOULEVARD, SAN DIEGO COUNTY, CA.

HANNAH ANDERSON IS A 16-YEAR-OLD, WHITE, FEMALE, 5 FEET 7 INCHES TALL, 115 POUND, JUVENILE WITH BLONDE HAIR, AND BLUE EYES. HANNAH HAS A BELLY BUTTON RING, NOSE STUD AND PIERCED EARS. ETHAN ANDERSON IS AN 8-YEAR-OLD, WHITE, MALE, 4 FEET 11INCHES TALL, 65 POUND, JUVENILE WITH SANDY BLONDE HAIR.

SUSPECT IS JAMES LEE DIMAGGIO, A 40-YEAR-OLD, WHITE, MALE, 5 FEET 9 INCHES TALL, WEIGHING 150 POUNDS, WITH BROWN HAIR AND BROWN EYES.

THE SUSPECT WAS LAST SEEN DRIVING A BLUE NISSAN VERSA 4-DOOR, WITH A CA LICENSE PLATE OF 6WCU986.

IF SEEN CONTACT SAN DIEGO SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT AT [phone].

#{not here}

[junmemories]

one of my favourite songs, not just by nell but in general:  it’s so full of longing and love, and there’s a nakedness and unembellished honesty to the lyrics that i love, but there’s a sadness and melancholy there, too, as though he knows that, even though this love of his is earnest and true, for one reason or another, it isn’t necessarily one that can (or will) be returned.

and yet he can’t help but hope that it will.

(nell opened their set at gmf last fall with “afterglow,” and i just about died when the fancam popped up.)

#eargasm #sorry haven't been around lately

[junmemories]

He’s a lot better for you.

And I was foolish to think I had you to myself.

Even though I knew I didn’t.

So I back down. I surrender. I give up.

#read more's are fun

[junmemories]

Anything? (/his voice lifts slightly in question - he guesses he should start with the ones you throw at him) I wouldn't know what to do otherwise if I wasn't modeling - I don't really imagine myself in an office job so I might as well get by with my youth for now (/slipping his cigarette back between his lips, he takes another toke, slightly shrugging his shoulders) I have a younger brother, he's eighteen - barely an adult though he thinks he can handle anything (/giving a light scratch between his brows, he frowns slightly) and when I was younger I was determined to be a Pokemon trainer. I wish I was joking, but I remember crying when my prep teacher told me that wasn't a real occupation...way to dash a dream (/a chuckle bubbles up his throat, embarrassed slightly from revealing that fact. No one's asked him so many questions about himself before - though your last one has him blushing like crazy, nearly choking on the smoke in his lungs) Himchan-ah is this how the protagonist woos the supporting character in the film...? What about you? How many siblings do you have? Any childhood pets? Someone you'd like to meet? What's your biggest turn on? (/he slips that in casually just like how you did with your sex question - mindlessly dropping the burnt up cigarette into the coffee mug)

-catches you staring but chooses not to say anything to you, he definitely doesn’t mind it- Hmm… anything. How you like your job? Or how many siblings you have? Or what you wanted to be when you were a kid? Or how many times you have sex a week? You know, the usual things~ -smiles at you and taps the end of the cigarette on the edge of an empty cup- 

#the chanchan man #chansxds #wooooow this was long OTL sorry

[junmemories]

How come? (/he tugs randomly on the sleeve of his t-shirt, the light chill wafting over his skin so that goosebumps arise on the surface as his feet paddle with you - the boat heading further forward into the vastness of the ocean)

-Joins you in paddling along, lost in a slight daze as we both stare at the skyline, blinking and laughing in surprise from the splash of water, leaning carefully to dip my hand into the water to toss at you out of payback, cracking a small smile when we wind down again- I never graduated, actually.

#luxelay #beach time~

[junmemories]

Baby don’t cry :’(

#junnie #{look at that lip wobble} #{fhshgjshgjfs (/squishes)}

[junmemories]

i want the k -stares-

9 - Jawline Kiss 

“How much do I owe you for the tattoo Hangil-hyung?” Junhyung chuckles, holding up his bandaged little finger – the characters '赤い糸' inked deep into his skin underneath – as you pull him that little bit closer, sliding down your lap. Swinging his legs – thighs pressed against your hips and feet unable to touch the floor – his hand traces along your shoulder, sweeping over the black outlines and grey shades of your own tattoos. Junhyung’s always found great interest in them, wondered about the stories behind each one and he figures he’ll ask you one day as the model brings his gaze back to yours.

“How about a kiss as payment before my next customer arrives?” you make a kissy face at him – you’re rarely so cute, but when you do show this side to him, Junhyung can only blush, fulfil any wish you want from him. He leans forward to comply, closing his eyes as his lips brush over yours in a sweet simple peck that only deepens so quickly, Junhyung’s hands coming up to cup your chin. Fingertips can’t help themselves but trace up your jaw line, his lips following suit along one side – sucking and leaving little open-mouthed, wet kisses in hopes to make a mark. Trailing up, tongue gliding over such porcelain smooth skin, Junhyung brings his mouth to rest against your ear – the faint sound of the bell above the shop door jingling in the background.

“It’s a shame you’re so fully booked Hangil,” the model whispers, “I’d have given you a tip for your good customer service.” 

#babble #{sorry this took so long and also is terrible OTL I can't write anymore TT TT}

[junmemories]

∆ 집 → JUNHYUNG

“Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve finally arrived at our destination, Tokyo Narita Airport, Japan. The time currently is 7:26 in the evening and it looks to be somewhat mild outside at 24°Celsius. My colleagues and I hope you’ve had a pleasant journey with us at Korean Air and we wish you a wonderful stay to those visiting, and a welcome back to those who are returning home.”

Junhyung stares out into the metropolis of blurred lights and high-rise buildings in the background that the capital has to offer, fingers lingering on the window – outstretched and dragging down a cold surface as if he doesn’t believe what’s behind the glass is real. A soft sigh leaves his heart-shaped lips – so much longing in one exhale of air – as people around him shuffle to stand, clambering about to bring down bags; get passports and forms ready; be the first to leave the plane in hopes to shave off a couple minutes of waiting time in the immigration line. But the model remains sitting there, gazing out into an unknown city he barely knows, tears watering along his water line as he tries to keep them at bay.

It irks him how his friends, his family are separated by a sea, a vast ocean and the only real way the model’ll get to see them again is through the screen of his laptop, get to hear them again through the speaker of his mobile. It’s funny how only a couple of hours ago his best friend was dropping him at the airport, had hugged him for that little bit longer that it’d almost made it impossible to say goodbye, made it harder to leave. Junhyung could still feel the other’s sweater against his palms, the way it scrunched up in his hold and how he clung to it, as if in a sad attempt to say he wasn’t going to get on that plane.

But yet here he is, frozen in his seat.

“Sir?” a gentle tap to his shoulder, the concerned face of the airhostess staring back at him with her hair perfectly pinned back and skin so smooth, like a doll’s. “Is everything alright?”

Most the passengers have departed, the only ones left coming up the aisles from the back of the plane, and Junhyung looks around before giving a soft shake of the head and a curt “I’m fine thanks"…

…when really he means,“I want to go home.”

Though Tokyo is just that now.

#para #self #집

[junmemories]

(/he can't help think how attractive you look simply smoking a damn cigarette that he nearly gets preoccupied, choking on the smoke you blow out and waving his hand to waft it away) Fair enough (/he meets your gaze, tilting his head and allowing his eyes to trace over your sharp features before catching your words, curious to what you'd want to know) Anything in particular Himchan...

-blows the smoke at you, before smiling and leaning back in his seat- I decided that I was killing myself in too many ways and decided to cut out the one that smelled bad. Thinking back, it’s cheaper than booze. Probably should have thought that through a little bit more. -crosses his free arm over his chest, watching you silently for a few moments before speaking again- I want you to tell me more about you Junhyung. 

#the chanchan man #chansxds

[junmemories]

Beast for W Korea 2

#junnie

[junmemories]

Yeah pretty much (/looking to the horizon, he paddles with you before leaning over to scoop some water with a hand and playfully throwing it at you) what did you do when you graduated high school?

No, no. Of course not. -Laughs from your clumsy stumbling, doing no better myself, grateful for your help onto the boat- Thanks. -Seats myself into the spot adjacent from you, nodding, testing my bearings out, feet placing over the pedals and then back to resting again- Long time ago then?

#luxelay #beach time~

[junmemories]

Alright alright (/he reassures you - patting the pocket of his shirt lightly to make sure it's safe and secure in there) I promise I'll actually converse with you (/he almost wants to pull the pack away from your hands - you've gone so long without one already; he doesn't want you to pick up the habit again, but you already have one between your fingers, lighting it so swiftly like a pro and inhaling deep) y-yeah our little secret (/coffee cup in one hand, cigarette in the other, it's the perfect combination - tobacco and caffeine) how come you haven't had one in so long?

It’s not a cell phone so you can’t text it, you’ll actually have to call me and have a conversation. I hope you can handle that. -smiles as he reaches out and takes one of the cigarettes- I stopped a few months ago, but I don’t think one will hurt too much. -brings it up to my lips and lights it- Our secret?

#the chanchan man #chansxds

[junmemories]

Name: Yong Junhyung | 용준형

Eye Color: dark brown

Hair Style/Color: dyed black - which is his natural hair colour - to cover up his old dye job. Currently he has an undercut, hair slightly wavy but it changes enough times for Junhyung not to be able to keep track

Height: 5ft 9inches | 179cm

Clothing Style: urban cult - think LONG Clothing, BOY LONDON, Pyrex, KTZ, Rick Owens, KKXX, etc. 

Best Physical Feature: his lips

LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE

Muse’s Fears: being forgotten and plane journeys

Muse’s Guilty Pleasure: talking in a baby voice to his rabbit

Muse’s Biggest Pet Peeve: couple clothing 

Muse’s Ambition for the Future: he's about to fulfill one of his ambitions - focus is primarily on that right now 

LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS

Muse’s First Thoughts Waking Up: need...more...sleep

What Muse Thinks About the Most: his schedule for the day; his friends; when his next cigarette will be; when he'll next be able to go home...

What Muse Thinks About Before Bed: the pending schedules for the next day; how it's getting closer to going to Japan; whether he turned off the gas - though he doesn't cook - and locked the door properly; a doofus

Muse Thinks its Best Quality Is: his jokes - but they're not funny

LAYER FOUR: WHAT’S BETTER?

Single or Group Dates: single dates 

To be Loved or Respected: respected 

Beauty or Brains: brains before beauty any day

Dogs or Cats: both - though his preference sways towards cats 

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?

Lie: everyday to himself and everyone around him

Believe Muse in itself: no, not really - though he does give himself some credit for getting this far into the modeling world 

Muse Want Someone: now that would be telling...

LAYER SIX: EVER?

Muse Been on Stage: does a runway count? 

Muse Done Drugs: yes - he's only gotten high once; but tobacco and caffeine are still drugs, which he consumes on the daily

Muse Changed Who it were to fit in: he nearly didn't make the cut to be a model because of his weight, so yes, ultimately he changed himself to fit in

LAYER SEVEN: FAVORITES

Muse’s Favorite Color: blue - no specific shade or hue, just blue in general

Muse’s Favorite Animal: foxes 

Muse’s Favorite Movie: Little Miss Sunshine

Muse’s Favorite Game: Pokemon Blue for Gameboy

LAYER EIGHT: AGE

Day Muse’s Next Birthday Will Be: Thursday, 19th December 2013

How Old Will Muse Be: 22

Age Muse Lost its Virginity: 17.3333333 years old

Does Age Matter: no not really...

LAYER NINE: IN A BOY OR GIRL

Best Personality: humour wins

Best Eye Color: doesn't matter

Best Hair Color: doesn't matter 

Best thing to do With a Partner: stay inside and watch back to back movies 

LAYER TEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE

Muse loves: his family 

Muse feels: tired all the damn time

Muse hides: the fact that he's breaking apart 

Muse misses: his parents and his brother 

Muse wishes: to get out of the modeling industry 

"Layers" Character Meme

#about me

[junmemories]

Lee Hi // Special (feat. Jennie Kim)

#eargasm