justanother-hopelessromantic-guy

[justanother-hopelessromantic-guy]

Role Worth Fulfilling?

Why can’t I just stay to myself? I accept the fact that I will be alone in the end, yet I throw my life and it’s masked reality into others and the few good people to be caught off by its false image will only end up being hurt.

We are so similar, yet it is not the first time that I have convinced myself and another that we share the same things. I am a morphing being that can manipulate matter and emotion to appear as an ideal that is wanted to be seen, it is all I can do. Since I no longer have the ability to hold true emotions I can only put on the drama masks and act the way others need or want to be around.

I did not expect this from you, I enjoy this. I was not expecting you to be like that, I like that. I feel like I can relate to you and just be open around you, I appreciate that. These things are so easy for people to say to me as I change my being to match what they want, or even more what they need, not what they expect. It becomes hard however when I bore of acting and can no longer keep up.

This is ending abruptly as I no longer wish to think of this current act, I am not sure if it is a role I want to finish, it might be better to just have callbacks and allow someone else to fulfill my space.

[justanother-hopelessromantic-guy]

Majestic Crow

Overlooking the little sparrows hopping across the rocks below. They twist and turn their heads, searching for what little food they can scavenge. A crumb of bread discovered by the smallest of the bunch to swarmed by others. This commotion causes the majestic crow perched overhead on the corner of the roof to swoop down to a near chair. On the back of the chair, her talons wrap around the metal bar holding the meshed fabric. Tall and mighty she surveys her domain. Her feathers have a stunning purple and blue iridescence that shine as she moves from one side of the metal bar of the top of the chair to the other. She caws softly testing the air... Off she goes over the red poinsettias taking to the sky. 

#Short Story #Majestic Crow #Little Brown Birds

[justanother-hopelessromantic-guy]

Hey, I am doing freelance writing on Fiverr if you want/need a short story, poem or another type of written piece! Feel Free to message me on here or on Fiverr if you want to learn more! If you guys like my writing style, although sad/romantic posts usually are the only ones that make it on here I do have other pieces like random short stories and other poetic proses. I highly recommend reaching out for a personalized/custom story to fill whatever prompt or desire you have! 

#Freelance Writing #Creating stories for you #Custom Tailored Stories #Specialized Writings #Short Stories #Poetry

[justanother-hopelessromantic-guy]

Sweet release only a quick decision away; Underneath the smile and the good vibes is only apathy. I no longer can express genuine emotion Core joy finally broken; the last fading light, flickering Illuminated no longer with hope; Darkness consumes all aspects of what life was; Everything that used to mean something; doesn't.

[justanother-hopelessromantic-guy]

This Morning

This morning is not off to a great start. Not even a good start. This morning isn't going well at all. I couldn't sleep last night and I did try; I listened to white noise; guided meditation for sleep; had sleepy time tea; tried sleep on different surface; different positions. I got maybe 2hours of sleep. And the two I got just so happened to be at the point that I needed to get up to go to my morning workout. That's not it; on top of that I scheduled to work with my boss at 6 after lifting. He thought I was talking about 6 this morning but I lift in the evenings so now I apparently missed work as well. Now to top it off in order to make up for missing this mornings workout I have to skip class and go to the one other time we can get our workout in.... Plus I have an exam in my 9am lecture class. I'm done with today and I haven't even truly begun...

[justanother-hopelessromantic-guy]

It's been a while...

The thoughts keeping me up at night; The actions taken to distract from the pain; The numbing of emotionless apathy. The yearn to no longer exist; The wish to have done something different; The emptiness with anything done. I could care less about anything; yet I still carry onward putting up a facade of fake emotions I learned to mimic over the years of fading abysses. Here's to yet another sleepless night in which I thought I had escaped.

[justanother-hopelessromantic-guy]

Gone.

I am going away. It has been nice but time has come for something to change. Don't worry I know only maybe two people will read this, I am not killing myself. Just simply no longer going to have a media life. I am deleting everything on my phone. I am donating everything I have I no longer wish to have and am starting fresh with nothing I don't need. Maybe then I can truly start to not hate myself. Maybe when everything is gone I might be able to finally be at peace. If it doesn't work I am not sure what else I can do. But to anyone who cares to read this, farewell. I would wish the best, but we all have problems that will haunt us. I guess good luck, maybe you'll can beat yours.

[justanother-hopelessromantic-guy]

Why did I send that text.

I suppose it was to throw away the key to the locked door, never to be opened again.

When someone asks what's behind that door, I will say someone whose life is better now than when I was pushing myself into it.

#stream of consciousness #hopeless romantic

[justanother-hopelessromantic-guy]

If it wasn't mother's day, I might have been in trouble.

I don't know, I can't even reach out to people because of how much everyone is so caught up in their own issues. There's no basis behind mine other than the fact that my mind is fucked.

I am sorry. I can't even bring myself to talk to some one because I don't want to waste their effort or energy on me. I am to selfless to ask for help, but my problem is that I am also to selfless to rid my life. Ultimately it comes down to my egotistical self-righteousness thinking I matter. That I am something special for someone. That if I were gone it would impact people negatively, but really it probably won't matter. I won't be able to do anything in this world that will leave an impact, I won't inspire people to do things they wouldn't be able to get inspiration from anywhere else. I just think I am something special when really I am just a piece of crap that pretends he wants to do stuff. Fuck. I can't win.

#stream of consciousness #a battle against depression #mothers day #find reasons to keep a sliver of hope #I don't care if I die; but I can't seem kill myself #i am only passively suicidal #i am not going to kill myself

[justanother-hopelessromantic-guy]

I distract myself with mindless activity and constant misdirection, if I slip and five myself a chance to fall into my own mind I may not be able to get back out this time. I've already gotten to a point that I no longer have true feelings and putting on a face and pretending is starting to hurt more.

#stream of consciousness #late night thoughts #i am an asshole

[justanother-hopelessromantic-guy]

We would never work out. As much as I wish we could have had something there will never be anything between us, and maybe you might have had something for me but I can not force myself to pretend to have something for anyone.. it will be better for us to never try than for either of us to get hurt harder after trying and failing to make something happen when it doesn't exist in the first place. I can not love, and will not be able to genuinely care for you.

#stream of consciousness #hopeless romantic #apethic lover #i was compared to a psychopath #i can not love you

[justanother-hopelessromantic-guy]

What to do; What to do? I just don't understand people, what comes from any of this? Enjoyment? Happiness? All I am getting right now is just more depressing thoughts and wishing for something else, something more. I just feel empty. You look like you need help but for some reason you need something else, something I can't do, and I am sorry that I can't help you?

#stream of consciousness #hopeless romantic #late night thoughts #depression #i hope that you will be okay

[justanother-hopelessromantic-guy]

Why

Here I am at this event wondering what it would be like if I came with you. But honestly fuck you. I wish we would have been closer and worked out but it wasn't meant to be I suppose. I do hope that you are happy but man I fucking wish it could have been with me. But I suppose I'll be forever alone, which just means I get to spend more money on myself for drinks and feeling like shit at public events.

#stream of consciousness #hopeless romantic #depression #lost love #missing lover

[justanother-hopelessromantic-guy]

21st

My birthday is in 3 days. This will be the day I will have existed for 21 years. I wonder how much worse this year will be? My 20th birthday was one of the worse days of the year. My brother asked me what the plans were as if one must be happy to grow older and legally allowed to drink. I'm a young guy who seems to have a bunch of friends... I'll probably just sit at home by myself... drinking whiskey... sitting with my apathetic thoughts and debating every life choice that lead me to hating myself.

#stream of consciousness #i dont know #late night thoughts

[justanother-hopelessromantic-guy]

A Text I sent a Friend: help.idontwanttogetoutofbed....

[justanother-hopelessromantic-guy]

A Realization:

Huh, I am pretty sure I am asexual.. yeah, that makes sense. Fuck. Should I announce that... You know that kinda sucks coming to the realization that I'm asexual, only about 1% of people in the world are asexual and when the other 99% of people want to have sex in a relationship kinda makes it difficult.

#stream of consciousness #hopeless romantic #i dont know #asexual #a realization

[justanother-hopelessromantic-guy]

I don't think I can love any longer, you were my last chance. The genuine connection, came and passed. I don't have a desire for the activities most typically relationships hold, and I can no longer pretend to care for people who are interested in my shallow self. I will only make it worse for those who try and even worse yet to those for whom I try. It will be better to just grow alone, staying away from those who have lust for life, or even just an ounce of purpose, hope or even imagination as I will suck it all into a void and leave them with an empty promise of fulfillment.

#stream of consciousness #hopeless romantic #love no longer #lost love #i dont know