justanotherhotgirlblogger

[justanotherhotgirlblogger]

luc

je ne peux juste pas te pardonner. je sais que tu n'es pas désolé. je sais que je ne suis pas la seule qui a été laissée dans cet état. je peux essayer de t'oublier, mais c'est difficile. trop de choses me rappellent toi. ton nom de famille, les artistes que t'aimes, la nourriture que tu manges, ton apparence, et cetera. c'est difficile, vraiment. je dois me rappeler constamment que tu es le passé.

tu ne sauras jamais le nombre de problèmes que tu m'as causé. je ne suis pas capable d'avoir des contacts physiques. j'ai peur de marcher après neuf heures du soir. je me cache quand je vois des individus qui te ressemblent. je suis incapable de manger plusieurs aliments parce que c'est les tiens. je fais encore des cauchemars, après presque cinq que tu ne sois plus dans ma vie.

et ce n'est pas juste moi. tu as changé ma mère et mon frère. même mes amis ne voulaient pas venir à la maison à cause de toi.

qu'est-ce que j'ai fait pour te mériter? je veux le savoir. qu'est-ce qui t'a obligé à agir ainsi envers des enfants? oui. des ENFANTS. tu avais cinquante ans et tu as décidé de te défouler sur ceux que tu "aimes". well, j'ai toujours pensé que tu ne nous aimais pas, mais elle était facile a manipuler et nous étions dans la deal. pourquoi ne pas en affecter trois pour le prix d'un, huh?

je veux que tu partes. maintenant. je veux t'oublier. mais en t'oubliant, je perdrais les quelques souvenirs des années que tu as passé chez nous...

je dois porter des vêtements que je ne portais pas à l'époque, avoir en tout temps mes bracelets, garder mes cheveux courts pour me souvenir que tu n'es plus ici, avec moi, avec nous.

je ne te pardonne pas, et j'en suis désolée.

#rant blog #venting #ranting #personal stuff #rambling #journal #dear diary

[justanotherhotgirlblogger]

im not interesting enough

i see all those people, who are a year or two younger than me, who've experienced way more than me and it sucks. I'm jealous. I'm a jealous girl.

they're 16 or they just turned 17 and they've been in a relationship, they f, they've been h1gh and drunk. meanwhile, my 18 years old self never kissed anyone, not even in a game or whatever. i feel boring.

-------

i asked my mother to come to an appointment (the parents are often recquiered to be there and the dr really wants her to be there) but she prefers to see her boyfriend. I'm not interesting enough for my own mother.

[justanotherhotgirlblogger]

i don't know what i want from myself and others

i've been spending some time on tinder for the past few months... recently, I messaged more people just so I could socialize a bit during summertime. i wanna see people and I wanna create new relationships, but I don't know what I want. i don't know if I want to be someone's f-friend... i don't know if I want to be used for less than a week... i don't know if I want to be in a relationship.

a part of me thinks it will all depend on the person the said relationship is with. but not in the sense that I will see how I feel with them, but in the sense that I'll do whatever THEY want the relationship to be.

many guys messaged me "what are you looking for: fun or serious" or "why are you here?" Each time, I improvised or just didn't respond...

[justanotherhotgirlblogger]

it's been a while

so basically, i just finished my first year of college! and there is a lot going on in my life...

i tried to quit my job, but my boss said that he loved me and that I played an important role in the store. so I would stay, he augmented my salary.

i had my first date with a guy named justin (I'm not sure if it was a date, but we met on tinder soo).

i had a bikini wax, it was weird

i have a surgery consult tomorrow

i bought a bee septum piercing

i think i watched new girl 3 or 4 times in the past 3 months

i saw mitski and lorde and im going to see florence and the machines and pheobe bridges soon

#life update #life upd8 #college #lana del rey #mitski #lorde #phoebe bridgers #lorde solar power #fiona apple #pheobe bridgers #florence welch

[justanotherhotgirlblogger]

I feel like life is a competition and im currently losing it

a grippy sock vacation would be appreciated

[justanotherhotgirlblogger]

#lana del ray aka lizzy grant #lana del rey #alex turner #arctic monkeys #2014 tumblr

[justanotherhotgirlblogger]

☄. *. ⋆

just had one of the worst week of my life... sorta hoping being hospitalized to not have to think about anything

its the beginning of the school session and I already want to skip most of my classes.

[justanotherhotgirlblogger]

psy 1

had an appointment with my therapist today and he asked me why I need to always be productive and I didn't knew how to respond. the thing is, I currently feel like a record player in an house without vinyls; useless and taking space. I want to be like something expensive; hard to reach but once you have might as well use it at his fullest.

i basically don't want to take place, be a burden in any situation, and be able to help at all time

#vent post #vent blog #personal vent #therapy

[justanotherhotgirlblogger]

it's so funny to think that we all think we're different and unique. like yes, but no.

[justanotherhotgirlblogger]

currently bawling my eyes out while watching criminal minds

[justanotherhotgirlblogger]

[justanotherhotgirlblogger]

im stressed that I won't have/make any friends this new semester... I know that during the class we don't talk or anything, but for group projects and for breaks between classes it's so much better to be we people.

so now, I have to decide who I want to be for the new few months. will I be a girlie girl or the girl who always wear a beanie unh

[justanotherhotgirlblogger]

everything hurts, Im so tired. im not capable of doing the most basic things. eating->im scared of it. sleeping->I wake up every 3h for about 1h30 and it takes about 45min to fall asleep even when im exhausted.

its like if every day was the same. but im loosing my grip with it. I just need to get out of this gray area.

maybe if I get worse I will get the help that I need, mais en se moment, je ne suis pas capable. je suis trop épuisée et j'ai l'impression de ne pas être si pire parce que je suis encore capable de faire quelques tâches quotidiennement...

I would really like a hug.

[justanotherhotgirlblogger]

Reblog this to prove your blog was made before the February 2022 tumblr resurgence

[justanotherhotgirlblogger]

reading makes you hotter... it's proven

currently reading a little life... thinking about starting the virgins suicide or lolita

[justanotherhotgirlblogger]

not labeling my sexuality makes me cooler than you

[justanotherhotgirlblogger]