Stephen: you know that thing Peter does-

Tony: when he doesn't sleep enough and forgets which way is up so goes to bed on the ceiling?

Pepper: when he drinks coffee and decides that decorating the tower from outside with Christmas decorations is a good idea?

Harley: when he almost calls Tony 'dad' but then stops himself and says 'dashing hero of mine' instead?

Stephen:

Peter: I'M RIGHT HERE!

Peter: make no mistake; not only am I party rocking, I am also in the house tonight.

Ned: but are you shuffling?

Peter: everyday.

Tony: what language are you two speaking?!

Tony: while I’m gone, Pete, you’re in charge

Peter: yes!!

Tony, to MJ: you’re secretly in charge

MJ: obviously

MJ: (talking on the phone on speakerphone) Hello? Peter, where are you?

Peter: (on the phone) I waved to a man because I thought he was waving at me. Apparently, he was waving to the guy behind me. So to get out of the awkward situation, I kept my hand up so a taxi pulled over and drove me to the airport. I am now in Poland, starting a new life.

Ned: Wait, wha-

MJ: understandable, have a nice day

Steve: Clint's late. again.

Nat: I woke him up at 8 and pretended it was 11

Tony: I wrote a fake schedule saying we started at 9 instead of 12

Sam: I set his clock to PM instead of AM

Steve: you all may have overdone it.

Clint, bursting through the door: WHAT YEAR IS IT?!

Tony, walking in the door: Hi...why are you on the ceiling

Peter, in a v awkward position on the ceiling: oh no reason, I just like it up here, nice view, you know?

Tony: where's the spider

Peter: by the fridge

Pepper: "It's Christmas time and you know what that means!"

Nat: "Getting drunk on my own while crying in the bathtub?"

Harley: "Break into the houses of kids at my school and fill their stockings with coal again?"

Peter: "Question my existence while watching Friends reruns on repeat?"

Tony: "Stop sleeping so that I'm seeing double by the time I have to open presents in front of my friends and acknowlege that people love and care about me whether or not I deserve it?"

Pepper, concerned: "I was gonna say 'ugly Christmas Jumper competition' but you know what? Get in the car, we're all going to therapy."

Peter: *pushing on a door that clearly says “pull”*

MJ, filming him: Just push harder.

Peter: I can't do this I'm a bottom

Tony: for the last time, I don't know what that means, I'm just trying to teach you how to parallel park

Peter: You people always talk about e-boys this and e-girls that

Peter: But no one wants to talk about the e-conomy

Tony:

Peter: Capitalism is a fundamentally flawed system-

Clint: *carrying around a potted plant*

Steve: ........ why is Clint walking around holding a tree?

Bucky: Natasha order him to.

Steve: .......why?

Natasha: it’s to replace the oxygen he wastes when he speaks.

Tony: *gasps, pretending to cough and fall to the ground dramatically*

Tony: Help!!! Help!!!

Stephen: Ooh~ do I need to give you cpr?

Stephen: *starts unbuttoning tonys shirt*

Stephen: Ooh~ Mr. Stark~ I’m about to resuscitate you so hard-

Peter: *starts crying*

Harley: *throws the twister spinner across the room*

Harley: THIS IS WHY WE CANT HAVE FUCKING FAMILY GAME NIGHT-

Harley in the family groupchat: So do seahorses read fpreg?

Stephen: Seahorses are illiterate. A quality I wish I had so I didn’t have to read this.

Thanos: I think the words you're searching for are "I surrender"

Tony: The words I'm searching for I can't say because Peter is present.

Peter: It’s nice to be wanted, you know?

Ned: Not by the law!

Tony: You may ask me one question. That’s it. Make it count.

Peter: Why aren’t there uppercase and lowercase numbers?

Tony: ...

Tony: What?

Peter: I want to write loud numbers.

Peter: Are you cooking?

May: I wanted to do something nice for you.

Peter: But instead you cooked?

Natasha: Damn, Banner, are you secretly cool?

Bruce: Well, poker is just math, so I guess it depends on if you consider the mathematician, Carl Friedrich Gauss, cool.

Natasha: I do not.

Peter: Allow me! Locks are my specialty.

Peter: *throws brick through window*

Peter: When I said "Netflix n chill" I meant "Netflix n chill". Stop trying to kiss me. Watch this 9/11 conspiracy theory documentary or gtfo.