justimagaine

[justimagaine]

“Melancholy” Series Part 9 -  / Should I run or stay?  Chris Evans

Part 1 - “Oh, fuck them” ; Part 2 - “I’m here” ; Part 3 - “Just Try” ; Part 4 - “I Support You” ; Part 5 - “I Need Help” ; Part 6 - “I Can’t” ‘ Part 7 -  Back to Square One  ; Part 8 - Where Am I?

Time seems to stop when you need it to seed up the most. Every breath takes for ever to come to your body and every thought seems so God damn heavy. When you need help you start to fear if what you’ re doing is the right thing. Are you sure it’s right to ask for help? Are they going to judge you? I’m stupid for thinking they care right? So many questions that make you rethink everything. 

You had been running for your problems for too long. All of it had to come crashing into you at some point. So when you thought it was time to run away once again from what you really wanted to do, life gave you no choice but to stay put and face what was going on.

A car drove up to the house, your heartbeat went up, and the world slowed down well shit. 

  “(Y/N)?”  your name always sounded beautiful coming form  him, with that beautiful Bostonian accent. “Sweetheart are you okay?”  his voice was laced with panic. He had never seen you at his house without an invite. Even when he had told you many times you could show up at any day, any hour. 

Chris ran up to you immediately placing his hands around your neck, looking over you, worry filing his eyes, He scanned you, trying to see if you were physically hurt. When seeing you weren’t he relaxed a bit but not fully still not knowing if you were really fine. He saw you were having trouble breathing, and that resulted in you not being able to speak. So he led you inside

“Come with me Sweetie. it’s okay. i got you” he didn’t even have to say it, for you to know it. You felt it every time you were around him. No matter what mood you were in. No matter how many emotional breakdowns you had in front of him, Chris never pushed you away, made you feel bad about being in your emotions. He encoruge4d you to feel your emotions and to let them out. To let them out to him.

After leading you inside and calming Dodger down after seeing you. Chris sat you down on the couch while he sat down on the table to see you better.

“Talk to me.”  he said brushing hair off your face “You’re safe. Please, sweetheart talk to me” he said while holding your face in his hands. You couldn’t help to just burst into tears. So many emotions were in you and all of them were coming out. You were like a volcano, spitting emotions left and right.

For a long time you felt as if the world was against you. Nothing went your way. Every emotion, that wasn’t being happy, was pushed down because people had told you could only be happy otherwise you wouldn't find anyone. You had to smile and fake happy because no one will like you. Worst of all when someone very close to you, like your own mother, makes you feel bad about your emotions, makes you rethink thongs. It makes you think that she knows best. Because she’s supposed to have your best interest in heart. So it’s very hard to get out of an mind set of “hide all the pain”.

“(Y/N)”  your name was said in soft whisper, while your mind was clouded when memories of people telling you to keep you emotions in, to not ruin someone's day with your pain “ hey” Chris said softly, slowly moving his hand from your neck to your cheek, gaining your attentions.

“I’m sorry’”  you said in barely a whisper, but he heard it

“ Don’t be. It’s okay.”  he smiled at you softly “ I’m glad you’re here. I’ll help you just tell me what you need”  Chris then started to name everything you could possibly need: blankets, comfort foods, drinks, movies. everything you could think off he named it, making our heart ache even more, He knew you so well. When he was finished naming thing you shook your head “ No?” he askes still holding your head in his warm hands. Making you safer then you had felt in days “ What do you need? tell me. I’ll give you anything. I will. Just tell me”  Chris started to sound worried. He would bring down the mood for you of that helped you, if that made you crack a smile.

You looked down at the carpeted floor and prayed he would hate you. 

“ I’m sorry Chris”  you started, but didn’t look up as more fear filled your body “You have no idea how much you’ve helped me. How you’ve save my life more times, then I can count. And I swear I tried, I really tried but I just couldn't” Chris’ s own body filled with fear and pure panic as you spoke. He was ready to spring into action after what you ever had to say, but it wasn't the worst he had imagined. “ I need you more then you can imagine.”  you continued without looking up “you’ve been so kind to me, something I hadn’t felt in  along time and I just could help myself. I’ m sorry”  tears started to run down your cheeks. Tears Chris cleaned off your cheeks as he keep holding you in his hands. Id did feel as if he was afraid to let you go. As if, if he let go you’d vanish, turn to dust. See he better held on to you, then lose you and let you slip thought his fingers. You took a breath, said “ I’m in love with you” let the breath out, stood up, making his hands fall off your face and walked to the door. You couldn’t look back. All your brain let you imagine was him being upset, even discussed by the simple thought of you liking him, let alone loving him. So you didn’t look back or even listen how his breathing had changed after hearing you confession. You’re plan was to say it, let it off your chest, then run and move on, hoping it would help. 

You had already reached the door, heart aching, brain running wild, panic attack on the horizon. When a pair of strong arms had turned you around and strong yet soft pair of lips crashed into yours trembling ones,  making every troubles and pain go away. All sadness you had ever felt melted away, making you sigh in happiness and content. Without thinking you moved your hands into his soft hairs pulling him closer, while he wrapped his arms around your waist pulling you even closer humming in pleasure. Not a single centimeter was seen between you two, as you melted into one, One person that had been running after each other while still keeping a distance. As your lips moved in sync you felt lighter and happier.

Nothing felt more at home then being in his arms, and feeling his lips on your open.  “I love you too, baby” Chris whispered against your lips, still holding you as close as possible. as if he was afraid, if he let go the moment would  be gone.

Slowly opening your eyes you started fears doubts creep their way up to your brain. So when you looked in to his bright, beautiful eyes, you felt like running and not making his life a mess, just like your life was. But the grip he had on you and the smile on his amazingly soft, plump lips made you want to stay. So you ah fight your own mind and body as if in a slow motion.

Do you run away and not look back and just feel amazing to have had a moment like that with him?  or Do you stay and fight your own inner demons with him by your side letting him see how dark it could get?

Or maybe it could get better from now on?

—

Tag: @chris-butt​ ; @denisemarieangelina ; @jennmurawski13​ ; @chriscaprogers ; @raabrakha ; @captainchrisstan ; @katiew1973​ ; @emilyisreallyfunny12

#Chris Evans x reader #X reader #Chris Evans imagine #Imagine Chris evans #Story #Andy Barber x reader #Chris Evans story #story

[justimagaine]

Au Meme: Mark talks about you, is daughter, dating Tom Holland.

#unchanged #tom holland au

[justimagaine]

please, let me know where is this gif from with Machine Gun Kelly and a girl near the wall? Post from Aug 26th, 2018. can't remember anything i watched with him like that. curious to find video. :)

It’s from a music video of his but I can find and remember the right one. Really sorry

[justimagaine]

Oh my baby /Chris Evans

  It’s safe to say it’s an amazing sound and feeling when you hear your child laugh for the first time, or the sight of seeing them take their first steps, but what’s even more amazing is the first time you see your child, the first time you look eyes with that small, fragile human, and you vow to always protect them.

  Chris was unbelievably in love with you from the moment he saw and as time went on he feel for you even more. He found himself falling in love with you more and more, reaching new levels of love. When you found out you were pregnant and started to show, having the chance to hold your baby. Chris found himself loving you even more. He’d just watch you, no matter what you did, it could be cooking dinner or just sleeping, Chris would watch you, smile and love you with all his heart. 

  When the day came for your baby girl to come in this world Chris was amazing. He kept his cool when you realized you were going in labor. He had everything already planed, set and he was ready. Chris had bags pack, wore out a text ready to send out to the families, the hospital was all set. Everything went just as planned. Chris was calm and collected while you were panicking, but you had all the right to panic since you were the one pushing a human out of your body. Chris was next to you the whole time, held your hand, kissed your head, told you amazing you were doing and how much he loved you and soon enough, even though it didn’t feel that fast, your baby girl was here.

  The memories of your girl being born were amazing and you knew nether one of you would ever forget that day. Chris would talk about that day any chance he could and since he had to be doing some interviews you knew he’d be talking about his baby girl and the day he finally met her. Chris already had talking the ears off of your families, so he was excited to share his stories with people who didn’t know them yet.

  Chris and his co-stars were getting ready for the interview and Chris was holding back telling too many stories about you and your daughter trying to keep them until the interview. Soon it was time, he was excites, he knew for sure he’d be asked about the baby and couldn’t wait.

  As expected the interview started with questions about how the cast was doing, about how the movie already was a big hit. Chris kept thinking yeah, all that’s  great but let’s talk about my beautiful baby girl he was getting very anxious. His cast mates new that and loved seeing the new dad excited to get to talk about his daughter.

  “Yeah, we all loved filming it because most of us hadn’t worked together before. But I think something more incredible happened after we finished filming” Mark leaned over and smiled at Chris who was already smiling form ear to ear. He nodded brushing his pants. There was so much he wanted to say, share.

  “I had a baby” he blurted out. Making everyone laugh “I have a daughter” it was safe to say no one had ever seen this man THIS excited.

  “Yes, congratulations Chris. You and your wife Y/N had a baby girl” the interviewer said making Chris smile more and more. He didn’t know that hearing someone else say it would sound even more amazing. It just made it all real.

  “Thank you, we’re extremely happy” Mark yelled out making everyone laugh.

   “ No. no. Don’t even, You already did this before. Now it ‘s my time”  Chris said while scooting closer to the camera, looked into the camera and yelled out “I’m a daddy”’

  Everyone laughed, but felt so happy for him, since this was something he and wanted for years. 

  “Yes and I’ll be taking credit for that”  Mark wasn’t lying. He was one to introduce you two, but without the intention for you start dating. It just happened and nothing came more natural then being with you. Chris felt safe, loved and as if he’s imagined future could come true and before he eve knew it he was sitting in the hospital room holding his baby girl, crying ad saying

  “ I love you princes. I’ ll always be there for you and no man will always love you as much as I do, but me and you mama will hep you find the right person that will come at least a bit closer then an angelic princes like you deserve” he kissed his baby girls head and never let go. 

  ____20 YEARA LATER____

  “I don’t like this”  Chris grumbled waking 

  “ Dad, you don’t like anything that comes to your little baby girl”  Mike joked at his dad, that didn’t find it funny at all “ I thought you liked Steve. I mean he has the same  name as you favorite character you played”  he tried to joked. 

   “ True and if you keep getting on my nerve I’ll go to your favorite uncles character to turn in to his alter ego that has my favorite phrase “Hulke smash”, this time It’ll be Hulk smashing Jake”  Chris glared at his son and regretted it. 

   “MOM dad’ s threatening me with Uncle Mark” Jake yelled out in the air hoping. you heard him, but still having the effect on Chris.

  “Darling...”  just one word and Chris was calm turning to his favorite sound, your voice. He looked back at your smiling face and felt just as happy as he did the day he met  “don’t be mean to Jake, you know he’ s acting this way just cuz he’ s sad to lose his hide and seek buddy”  you joked crossing Jakes cheek and as much as he liked to joke about it it hurt him to lose his sister in a way like this.

  “Don’t be a sissy” yelled out Jody making Chris laugh, being happy he still had at least one little sassy baby girl in his life.

  “Jody, that’s rude”  you said to your daughter trying to hold back your laugh. 

  “ What, he is. He’s getting sad abut nothing, she’s still gonna be with us....ell she’ s gonna be a bit away but....” there was a pause in your draughts speech and before you or Chris could react ,Jake scooped her up 

  “ but we’ll still see her all the time You’ re right, I’m being a sissy.  Let’ s go do our thing” he said taking her away. You watched them with smiles and love

  “You did good baby” Chris said in your ear wrapping his strong arm around your waist 

   “ What are you saying. WE did good”  You tried to correct him, he shook his head

  “  no baby you did. You carried those munchkins in you , you showed them the first feeling of love and being take care of. All the love and care they show for each other and other people in this world comes from you and I couldn’t be happier.”  he kissed your neck, cheek. Took your hand in his and walked with you down an isle. The same isle you once walked to marry him.

  “I’m not ready”  he said to you when you go to your seat

  “ I’m not either, but you have to do this, This will make her happy. He’s a good man and he’ll never hurt her”  he looked down at your ring, kissed your ring finger then your soft lips

  “ No matter what happen I’ll never be okay with lettings my favorite girls away. I’ll die a  selfish man keeping you all to myself and safe.”  he kissed you and walked back to where he’s supped to be. By his first born, his daughters side, He had to walk and give her way. Chris might do the right  gesture but in his heart he cloud never do it. No one will be ever good enough for his daughter or any of his kids. But this was what he wanted for a family life. A life where he had to chose and accept person his life and fore his family. He washed for a family and he got one.   A Big one. 

--

Tag: @chris-butt​ ; @denisemarieangelina ; @jennmurawski13​ ; @chriscaprogers ; @raabrakha ; @captainchrisstan ; @katiew1973​ ; @emilyisreallyfunny12

#Chris Evans #Chris Evans Imagine #Chris Evans x Reader #Imagine #Chris Evans one short #Chris Evans fic

[justimagaine]

Hello:) Are you still active on here and taking requests? If not then it’s totally okay. Thank you in advance 💘

I se you all lovely people, but I’m just tired 

https://open.spotify.com/track/6LnrC0d1TXcRL6tYs8c2sS?si=x2vTqpe3QpGFvGpvj4S6yw

[justimagaine]

I was just thinking about the Melancholy series this morning and now you've updated and it's so good 😭 well worth the wait.

I was gone for a lot of my own pan. My of may family members got Covid and almost didn't pull trough. I have one last person (my godfather)  who’ s fighting. And its still scary. They don’t really have the money to deal with it it so it’s scary

[justimagaine]

“Melancholy” Series Part 8 -  / Where Am I?  Chris Evans

wPart 1 - “Oh, fuck them” ; Part 2 - “I’m here” ; Part 3 - “Just Try” ; Part 4 - “I Support You” ; Part 5 - “I Need Help” ; Part 6 - “I Can’t”

  It had been long 6 months of therapy. You slowly saw some progress, felt lighter and started to see why it was worth to stay in this world. Still you weren’t able to tell anyone else about what you were doing. There still was this fear of being judged or even made fun of. Even though you didn’t have that many people in your life, some of them still could be very judgmental. So to save yourself from more anxiety and stress you said nothing.

  Chris had been by your side the whole time. Visiting you, checking in with calls and texts. He had his own life, hos own job and you never expected him to abandon any of it for you. Never did you expect people to give up their plans for you. It was one of the things you and your therapist worked on. Your self value. There was none in you, but slowly you started to understand there are time where you do come first, and there are certain situations where a person should have put you first and not their last minute plans. Slowly you leaned that you had the right to express your feelings of being abandoned, hurt and left hurt. It was okay, it was actually necessary for you to express how you felt and didn’t have to apologize for feeing normal emotions. The one where you shouldn't apologize was something you struggled with. You spent most of your time saying you were sorry for everything. For feeling sad, for saying you were sad, for crying.

  Every time you’d say sorry for something you shouldn’t apologize for you felt bad, because you were going against what you were told. And then when you didn’t apologize when you’d usually say sorry you’d feel bad for not saying it. It was a mess but slowly you were getting there.

  Your therapist suggested an interesting activity for you to try and break free from the fear of being judged. But mostly to try and get you out of the shell you had put yourself in. She suggested you take some improv classes. At first you were more then scared to do it. There were so many things involved in this that scared you. Like, going to a new, unknown place, meeting new people, having to act and do silly things. The fear of being laughed at was real.

  While you tried to put your life back together Chris tried his hardest to not make it any harder. So he stepped back, did as minimal as he could. He gave you space, Chris stopped texting you everyday. He stopped doing a lot of things. Things that you  used to love and made you feel care things that made you feel like there was at least one person that cared for you, but then he stopped and it  made you realize he had been doing all those things only to make you happy for the time being.

  It had been over a week since you started theater and you started to open up yourself. One day your show as holding an “open mic” night. You decided to invite some people not because you wanted but because you were told to do so If it was up to you would have told no one, because of the fear of being judged, laughed at. You were afraid  someone would say you were so wrong for trying acting or too broke, too wrong, too ugly to step on a stage with a spotlight. You were always worried about everything, you didn’t even notice that the time had passed and soon you were standing by the stage sweating your ass off and trying to calm yourself

  All you could think about were the people that you invited and had showed p. Most of those people were Chris family, but him, Lisa had old you he was busy and you thought it was for the best. Since you realized how important he was to you/\. Him not hearing what you had to say on stage was for the best, You had never been strong enough. 

  You kept breathing as you were thought and all you could think was haw you wished Chris was by your side to hug you or at last to smile at you to make you feel better about yourself and hat you were about to do. 

  One step...one deep breath...another step...another deep breath

  Look up...take a breath and speak 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqu4ezLQEUA

  You speak, you yell in to the air, not seeing, not feeling all the people. Not knowing who was watching, not knowing who was crying with you. Not knowing who was falling in love with you even more. 

  But as always as depression does it creeped up and you were in the darkens so damn afraid so you ran. Without a second thought you pushed open the back entrance and ran, Without a destinations without any thought in mind. You just ran because running always made you fee at least a few steps ahead  from all the pain an suffering you were feeling. You want to us run until you couldn't walk anymore, until you couldn’t  breath anymore.

  At one point you had no idea where you were running to. You just ran, looked ahead an let the tears run down your body. You where your body made you run. Soon after al that running you stopped, no fully sure where you were, not sure where your leg had lea you. Slowly with cloudy eyes you looked at the houses you had stopped in front of and you should have been surprised or shocked but you felt happy, You hadn't felt that in  long time. 

  Taking very slow and shaky steps you waked to the front steps, sat down and waited. You weren’t sur what you were going to do when the time came to it, but al you knew at that time was ,that you were you were, where you  were supposed to be and that was more then enough....for now..

  ---

Tag: @chris-butt​ ; @denisemarieangelina ; @jennmurawski13​ ; @chriscaprogers ; @raabrakha ; @captainchrisstan ; @katiew1973​ ; @emilyisreallyfunny12

#Chris Evans #Chris Evans Imagine #Chris Evans x Reader #Imagine

[justimagaine]

how it started // how it’s going

[justimagaine]

[justimagaine]

#supernatural is ending… for real this time moodboard

[justimagaine]

[justimagaine]

“Melancholy” Series Part 7 - Back to Square One / Chris Evans

 Part 1 - “Oh, fuck them” ; Part 2 - “I’m here” ; Part 3 - “Just Try” ; Part 4 - “I Support You” ; Part 5 - “I Need Help” ; Part 6 - “I Can’t”

  You ended up being one of those fools that believed going to a professional to talk about your problems was going to be it. It would do the trick, but that wasn’t the case. Your doctor prescribed you medications and you were terrified. But the want to get better had become so much stronger. She warned you about how it could happen, but she also couldn’t ell you how your body would react. And that was what scared you. Not knowing scared you. When you felt your dark days coming on you knew how it would happen. You knew how dark it could get, you knew you’d stay in a dark room, not eat, lock people out. You had been over this so many times before, so now when you were sitting with pills in your hands, about to embark on something so unknown, you were afraid.

  When she told you would have to take medication, a wave of shame came over you. Had you gotten so bad that this is what you need?  What will happen when you take them. This was yet another secret you had to keep from the world and people around you. It was one thing to go see a doctor to talk but it was a different thing to take pills with all that. Looking at those little things in the palm of your hand, pills that were meant to help you be good again, happy again, they made you sad and made you cry.

  “Why can’t I be normal?” you asked the empty room, searching for answers you won’t be getting. It was cruel to yourself to say that you weren’t normal, you were but that little devil voice in your head made you think you weren’t. So maybe if you took those people with time the voice will go away. That was your motivation to take them. You wanted to stop saying mean things to yourself, to stop saying you weren’t normal or good enough. So you stepped on this new life path and were proud you did so.

  It had been a few weeks since you started to take your medications and things seemed to be going good, with a few times of you feeling sick and being a bit more sleepy. The doctor reassured you that it all was normal and sometimes these things happened unless it was happening more and more. She told you to call if anything changed in your everyday life, if things started to happen to your body that never happened before. At first you didn’t think about being sick as a side effect because you felt like that a lot. Sometimes you’d forget to eat the whole day or other times you’d only eat dinner and it wouldn’t be the healthiest choices, so you’d end up feeling sick. You had to learn to tell apart what symptoms were caused by your lack of self love and care and which ones were caused by the medication you were taking.

  On your week 3 of taking medications Chris had to leave to Washington on business. He of course didn’t want to leave, knowing what you were going through, but you told him you’d be okay. Chris knew you were trying to be strong for his benefit. He kept saying he’d  do his best to speed things up so he could get back to be by your side, but you told him

  “You don’t have to do that Chris. You don’t need to rush your own work for me. I appreciate all you’ve done for me, but you have your own life too, go live it” you’d try to joke around with him, to let him see you’ll be just fine. Chris had spent so much time with you, it surprised you when you’d read or see that he’d given an interview or started to a new project. You couldn’t understand how this man could do so many things at the same time and succeed at all of them. 

  Things took a turn just as he left, at first you didn’t notice how much they had started to change. You had started to vomit, when you knew there was no reason for it. Slowly you’d  find yourself not sleeping, at all. Just staring at the dark ceiling and thinking. The first night that happened you didn’t pay much attention to it, wrote it down as being tired from work or anything else other then you medications. But it didn’t stop, it got worse. Everything seemed to exhaust you, no matter how much sleep you’d get or try to get. No matter how much coffee you’d drink or how long you’d lie down trying to regain the energy, something inside of you had jus simply given up. 

  You felt the downward spiral start to happen, and you knew you were getting bad again, but couldn’t do anything to stop it, you just wanted everything to stop. Without you even noticing you started to fake your days again, fake smiles, say you were fine when you weren’t. It all happened without you knowing, all those things had become such a big part of your everyday life you were used to it all. Chris wasn’t around to call you out on your lying and fake smiles. You’d talk to him over the phone and before you could even started to fake your joy and great days, Chris would be called to do some work and the call would end. And you were once again alone, in pain. You felt yourself become confused a lot of times, by the most simple things, but kept on fighting and moving forward.

  Chris had did his best to finish his work early. He wanted you to come over, so you two could catch up, watch a movie, have a nice night in. That’s what he said but that’s not why he wanted it. He wanted to see how you really were, he needed to see your eyes, see you walk, talk. Seeing all those things could really tell if you were doing good or not. While being away and calling you he’d feel that something was off. Even when he wasn’t talking to you, he’d get this sudden feeling that something wasn’t right with you, how he wished he could just quickly teleport to you, see how you were and then go back. In stressful moments like these people do tend to wish for the most supernatural things to be possible. You wished you could turn time to the point where you felt good: mentally and physically. But both of you had to wait and it seemed as if time had slowed down, when you had an end goal. Chris’s end goal came much faster then yours and so much easier. There you were talking to him, telling him about your work and what you and your therapist talked about. You’d ask him how he’s work was, it was a regular day where you two hang out. Chris being Chris watched you closely, noticing small things in you that had changed, you were different. He saw you had much darker circles under your eyes, you looked tired

  At first he didn’t say anything, but then he saw how your hands shook when you reached for your cup and even seemed you were in pain. You massaged your arm as you talked, Chris saw how you didn’t even pay attention to your arm, that clearly was in pain, it was just a normal thing for you

  “Are you in pain?” Chris interrupted you, he then pointed at your arm when you looked confused. 

  “oh, yeah, I guess I slept on it wrong” you said pulling your sleeve over your arm “well saying sleep is a stretch. Probably with all the twisting and turning I hurt myself” you told him with a smile, hoping he’d be fine with your answer.

  “You haven’t been sleeping?” he asked turning to you, with concern in his eyes.

  “Yeah, kind of” being honest with him was easy for you, but you felt like you should be lying to him, tell him you were fine, because making him sad upset you. Anger was something you had been feeling a lot for the last week. Everything seemed to upset you, most of the time you upset yourself. Every little small thing going wrong was all your fault. That's what you told yourself, you had gone back to blaming yourself for everything. Chris started to ask question after a question making you feel like you were on a trail and slowly loosing air in your lungs. Suddenly you jumped up and yelled

  “STOP! Stop with all the fucking questions.” you yelled at him, then walked around the room “I don’t know, I don’t know anything” you felt your chest start to hurt, palms started to sweat. You felt the world crashing down on you

  “Hey, hey”  you hear Chris say grabbing you by your shoulders then cheeks. You couldn’t see him, your vision had gone blurry “Look at me, look at me” Chris begged you 

  “I can’t” you said with tears running down your cheeks.

  “Focus on my voice” he said holding you by your cheeks, so your eyes would be aligned “breath sweetheart, breath. Come on do it with me” you did as Chris said. Breath in....breath out. He kept telling you everything will be okay and that you were doing great with your breathing. With every breath your vision started to focus and you soon were looking into his eyes. Eyes that were filled with tears “it’s okay. You’re okay” it was hard to tell if he was saying that to you or himself.

  “I’m so sorry” you dropped your head on his chest and Chris pulled you in closer. Held you letting you cry out any emotion that felt like coming out. The world had just crashed down on you and you didn’t even notice when it started to lean down on you. Sitting on the couch in his arms, crying, feeling so helpless, in pain. You were back to the same place you started, you were back on square one. What was the point in stating to do any of this if you end up where you started. None of it made sense to you. Chris knew that maybe he shouldn’t ask anymore questions, in fear to cause another panic attack, but he needed to know hoe long this had been going on. What else has been happening

  “How long have you been feeling like this? Panic attacks, pain, all the none sleeping?” he was upset that you hadn’t talked about it before, he thought you two were past this. Past keeping secrets like these inside, to the point of breaking.

  “I’m not sure” you sighed pushing yourself off Chris, sitting up and looking at the ground. You tried to think back but you couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment. “Some days I’d feel everything and other I’d feel nothing. I’m struggling finding a reason to even breath” you heard Chris sigh and suddenly you were back in the dream you had. Where Chris had enough of you and started to yell at you. Telling you were just too much and wasting time. Squeezing your eyes shut you waited for the yelling to come, for him to kick you out and be done with your sorry ass, but that never came. You felt Chris slip his warm hand in between your intertwined ones, and softly say

  “You need to tell you doctor about this. You medication is doing this to you. You’re strong and there are so many reasons to breath,” you looked at him, still trying to understand how you got so lucky to have such a understand person in your life. Someone who was there for you, when you didn’t want to be there for yourself “how about for now you breath for me. Breath because I can’t breath when your not breathing” he looked down at your hands “and remember it’s okay to have some fall backs, you just have to keep fighting, so please keep fighting, because as selfish as this sounds...” Chris looked back into your eyes, they were once again filled with tears and a bit more fear and sadness “I can not lose you., I will not lose you”  as a tear rolled down his left cheek you let go of his hand and hugged him. This time you were holding him

  “You won’t” his grip around your body got tighter, his face nuzzled in the crook of your neck. Comparing from all the other moment you and him shared when it came to your mental health, this was very different. It seemed more painful, more emotions and truthful. Chris was desperate to not lose you, to hold you as close as possible. He wanted you to know how much you meant to him, how much he need you in his life. To him it was selfish but not to you. Knowing and feeling that someone truly needed you, someone really feared of losing you. There had been people who’d tell you they don’t want to lose you, but this was so much different, so much more meaningful. Chris hadn’t said everything he wanted to tell you, but the way he talked, held your hands and held your body said a lot.

  Going back to your doctor you told her everything that was happening from feeling sick to feeling done with the world and ready to just end the never ending pain. She changed your medications and also told you to come now twice a week, that made you feel miserable. It felt as if you were starting over, from ground zero and were ashamed, she saw all of those emotions on your face

  “I want you to know something. Some days you’ll feel like you can move mountains and others you’ll feel as if you can’t move yourself out of bed. And it’s okay, it’s okay if you fall back sometimes. We’re learning what works for you, what will help you. All you need to do is sometimes kick back, relax and listen to your own body. It’s okay if we have to change the medication again, it just means we’re getting closer to find what works for you” her words calmed you down a bit, helped you breath. It really was okay, this wasn’t a failure, this was lesson on what not to do. This helped plan for the future. You just had to keep your head up. Now you knew what to prepare for, what could happen. Now you knew what to look for, how fast you should react. This was a lesson, painful but none the less a lesson “so, is there anything else you want to talk about? We have few more minutes” she asked looking at her clock. You thought for a moment then looked at her

  “I was just wondering. If these medications could also affect my feeling for a person. Make me feel something that maybe not be true?” you asked unsure if you were even explaining yourself correctly to her.

  “Feeling like anger?” shaking your head you slightly looked back at the door

  “Love” from the corner of your eyes you saw her smile and shake your head

  “No, those feeling you’ve had all along. Now maybe they’ve become stronger” she knew who you were talking about. She knew how Chris was there for you, how he help calm you down. What he told you. You wanted to ask her if you were in love, because with everything going on you were unsure what you were feeling. Thinking about love made you confused and a it stressed. You can’t deal with the most simple emotions of happy and sad, how are you supposed to deal with love.

  Right now all you needed to think about was finding your right medication, going to see your therapist, work on yourself. That was all you needed to focus on. 

—

Tag: @chris-butt​ ; @denisemarieangelina ; @jennmurawski13​ ; @chriscaprogers ; @raabrakha ; @captainchrisstan ;  @katiew1973​

#Chris Evans #Chris Evans Imagine #Chris Evans Series #Imagine #Series #Chris Evans x reader #x reader #Story #Chris Evans Fan ficion #fan fic writing

[justimagaine]

He’s in love with her?!!! 😍😍😍😍 I see where he’s coming from regarding not putting more on her and I agree with his mom about how it may help. Very excited to see where this goes. You’re inspiring!

We’ll just see where this goes 😀

[justimagaine]

Au Meme:  Sebastian had always wished he could work with you and years later finally his wish comes true. When talking about the movie his very open about how in love with you he is.

#Au Meme #Au Meme Sebastian Stan #Sebastian Stan Au Meme #Sebastian Stan #Sebastian Stan Gif #Gif Set #Au Memes

[justimagaine]

Same anon, I’ll definitely be patient, it’s worth the wait, no rush take your time and thank you again for sharing with us! 😊

I’m really glad your liking the story. It’s always hard to share something from your life, also so painful

[justimagaine]

Looking forward to the next update! 😊

Things are coming

[justimagaine]

“Melancholy” Series Part 6 - I Can’t / Chris Evans

Part 1 - “Oh, fuck them” ; Part 2 - “I’m here” ; Part 3 - “Just Try” ; Part 4 - “I Support You” ; Part 5 - “I Need Help”

  After your first visit with the doctor you were in a mix of emotions. At first you had a really hard time to open up and be honest about what you were feeling. From time to time, you’d pull on your sleeps to hide your hands and even look back at the door. The feeling of wanting Chris to hug you never left you. When you needed to express your thoughts and feelings, you didn’t know where to start. There was so much going on in you. The therapist saw you were having trouble with talking,  how you kept apologizing for not saying much, but she reassured you that it was perfectly fine to not be able to fully express every feeling you were feeling, especially to someone you just met. As always Chris was right.

  She never made you go to far, she let you take it at your own pace. Talked about work and friends, family. You felt comfortable with her, but still you wanted to be in a big hug. A hug only the man behind that closed wooden door could give you. She also noticed how you were looking back at the door, and asked you about it

  “Do you have a feeling as if you want to run away?” you quickly shook your head, feeling bad that you made her think you wanted to run away “is it about the man behind the door?” you slowly nodded as a small smile spread  across your lips, “does he make you feel safe?” she really was a great doctor asking question and saying statements that hit the nail on the head. 

  “Yes,” you looked up at her “he doesn’t judge me for being like this” she nodded smiling herself.

  “Good, because there’s nothing to judge. Everyone has mental health, just like everyone has health. In the course of a lifetime, not all people will experience a mental illness, but everyone will struggle or have a challenge with their mental well-being just like we all have challenges with our physical well-being from time to time. There’s nothing to be ashamed about or judged for” in your hour long appointment you felt like you didn’t talk much, but she told you it was okay. For your first time you had done a very good job. One thing she did say was that you felt more comfortable when you talked about Chris. She said that he clearly was your safe space and that it was good to have someone like that in your life, especially when you’re starting to see a therapist. Going to sessions could be really hard on some people. You were one of those people, you were scared but also proud of yourself for going. Setting up the next appointment wasn’t as scary as having the first.

  You went back to see her the next week and it was much easier then the first time and just like Chris promised he took you there and supported you. He would give you the same hug the same smile, but the next time it would be bigger as if he was even prouder of you that you went back again and knowing you’d be going back the next week made him even happier. He saw how the first appointment helped you, how you felt better. There really was improvement, even though you did hope that maybe after that one time you’d be immediately back to the old you but that was a long shot. Nothing happened in life like you liked it, how you wished it. Things like mental health took a lot longer time, a lot more work and support from people around you. Chris was your best and only support system.

  After your second appointment  Chris’s family was having a barbecue to which you were more then welcomed to. Actually his mom call Chris and specifically asked for you to be invited, she told him that she hadn’t seen you in a such a long time, and she missed you. He smiled hearing his mother say all that, Chris knew how she felt. The sad feeling of not seeing you, hearing your voice or laugh, but to him it was a hundred times harder to be away from you, to not see you all the time. Even thought the reason you two saw each other so often right now was quite sad, but very important, he was glad to be bale to talk to you and see you. Especially since now he saw you smile more, laugh more. You seemed to gain back your confidence and he couldn’t be more happier about that. 

  The Evans barbecue arrived and you were excited to see everyone especially Lisa. You had a lot to talk about to her, exchange recipes and just have a good laugh.

  “Are you sure this is going to be enough?” you asked Chris over the phone, refusing to the cookies and salads you made for everyone. 

  “I told you, you didn’t have to bring anything at all, so it’s more then enough” you listened to him, and gave him a look that you knew he couldn’t see but couldn’t help yourself.

  “You should know me better by now Chris. I’m not going to show up with empty hands, especially since I haven’t seen your family in a long time” while talking you kept looking at everything you were bringing, hoping it would be enough and that they would like it. 

  “I know you better then you think” you smiled at his response “are you sure you don’t me to pick you up? I already helped Scott set up everything, and can go” Chris, as always was being the biggest gentlemen, but you weren’t having any of it at the moment. He had to spend time with his family, since Chris was always around you and talking to you, he hadn’t seen them that much, making you feel guilty, but you kept reminding yourself that you never made Chris do what he did, your therapist told you to try and not be upset about things that weren’t really your fault. When ever I’d feel guilty she tell me to think back in the situation, did I ask for it, did I make someone do something. Or did the person offer it themselves or just do it without your asking. No matter how much you’d like for things to always be okay and work out, nothing works like that. There’s always going to be a little bit bad with good. In this case you had told Chris he didn’t have to always be with you, or answer your calls, but there was no point in telling him that, Chris wouldn’t listen.

  “I’ll be fine Chris. Be with your family.” you were already putting things in your car “I’ll be there very soon. I’m pretty much on the rode already” everything was placed on the back seat and only then you saw that just maybe you had gone overboard with the foods,

  “Okay, drive carefully. I can’t wait to see you” his words made your stomach flip. Even know when you were doing a lot better. So much better since Chris found you in that dark room, ready to give up, hearing him say that he wanted to see you made you happy, excited and very wanted. After telling him you couldn’t wait to see him to, you were on your way. There was much excitement in you, It had been a while since you felt like this. It could be the fun barbecue you were about to walk in with a family that were so loving and also could professionally work as comedians or the man that you knew would be standing outside is family home patiently waiting for your arrival. Ether way you enjoyed this feeling you were having

  Just as you predicted driving up to the house Chris was sitting on the front porch, seeing your car coming closer Chris jumped up and waved, with a big smile on his lips, you couldn’t help but smile back at him. Your car hadn’t fully stopped yet when Chris was already opening your door and happily greeting you, he basically lifted you out of the car into his hug,

  “How you doing?” he whispered in your ear, still holding you close, so close you could feel his fast heartbeat beating against yours.

  “I’m good” you leaned back a bit to look in his eyes, so he could see you weren’t lying “I’m really good” Chris and you were just inches apart, not even a small animal could come between the two of you. For a split second you saw Chris look from your eyes to your lips, the quickly looked away when hearing his moms cheerful voice 

  “Let other people got that beautiful girl” she said running up and pulling you away from her son and into her loving embrace. She was just as good of a hugger as Chris, you could tell where he got his hugging skills. “i’m so happy to see you” she told you giving you cheek a kiss

 “I’m happy to see you too Lisa. You look very beautiful” with a slight blush on her cheeks and a oh gosh. She was pulling you in the house, “oh wait I made something for everyone” you tried to walk back to the car, but Lisa wasn’t letting go off you

  “it’s okay, Chris will get it. Right, son?” she gave him a sweet smile as she kept pulling you in 

  “Yes ma`am” Chris answered opening your car, mouthing him a quick I’m sorry and thank you, Lisa had you already pulled in the house loudly announcing your arrival. The quick attention from everyone in the house and in the back made you a bit uneasy. It had been a while since you saw everyone and having everyone look at you and talk to you almost everyone at the same time, scared you a bit. With a shaky voice you greeted everyone, some people wanted hugs, some just waved at you. Luckily Lisa soon pulled you in the kitchen right as Chris came in with al your food placing it on the table, he looked at you and saw the look in your eyes had changed

  “Hey” you felt him put his palm on your shoulder “you okay?” looking up at him you nodded, but gave an honest answer

  “just got a bit overwhelmed with the amount of people, all at once” Chris was mentally slapping himself for not warning you about how many people would be at the house.

  “Sorry, I should have told you” Lisa was watching your interaction, feeling a bit worried. She didn’t what was going on but she knew there was something. Lisa was a mother with exhalent motherly senses when it came to someone not being well. She also noticed how his son was looking at you with the most concern and guilt in his eyes. She wasn’t a fool, Lisa saw how Chris was worried about you, especially in the last few weeks, how he’d always answer your call even when he was in a conversation of a topic he would never back down of. Lisa knew you had anxiety, and some things Chris had said made her thing something was wrong with, something had happened, but she wasn’t going to ask. If you wanted to talk about it, you’d tell her. The only time she’d ask you herself would be if you had no one to talk to, but you had Chris and as she was witnessing with her own eyes he was very good and caring to you.

  First two hours you spent with Lisa in the kitchen placing foods on plats and talking about life. She had a lot to tell you and ask you. With every question Lisa asked, you felt her trying to get closer to a something she’s been avoiding. So you decided to get there for her. You trusted Lisa and knew she was just like Chris, nonjudgmental. Your therapist told you , to start trusting more people, people who you always felt like you could trust but your own fear kept you from being honest and open with them

  “So I started to do something new” you started speaking, but didn’t look at her, “something I should have done a long time ago” Lisa stopped what she was doing, from your tone of voice she knew it wasn’t a new hobby you picked up, like painting and knitting. it was something a lot more serous, your lack of eye contact also gave that away. You found yourself in the same place, the same scared, unsure if you should bother her with such information.

  “Honey, what is it? You can trust me” she said placing her hand on yours. She was right and you had to be honest about your life and what you were doing. There was nothing wrong in seeking help. So you told her, you told her about how horrible you had been feeling and how dark things had gotten. You did keep some details away from her, not wanting to upset her, make her sad. You also made sure to tell her that the only reason you are going to therapy is because of her sons amazing support and care. In the end Lisa teared up and embraced you, rubbing your back she said quietly “I’m proud of you honey” you cold feel that she was proud of you and it was an amazing feeling. To have someone say that, to be able to open up to another person, overcome your fears and it to pay off “this is good, this is really good” she said after pulling away from each other.

  Wanting to keep up a good mood for the party you two changed the subject and Chris and Scott coming in laughing and joking around helped even more. As always those two goofballs were cracking up each other and everyone around them. Being around these kinds of people was good for you. To forget rest or the world and all the bad that was going on, being able to relax, enjoy yourself, have a good laugh. When around them you would laugh till your stomach would hurt. It had been a while since you laughed this much. 

  Some time later everyone went kind of scattered around the house and backyard. You were playing some games with Lisa’s grand babies, while some were still cooking some left over meat, some were inside watching tv. Chris was still sitting at the table enjoying the feeling of being at his childhood home, having his family around, peace. He smiled at his mom that had sat down in front of him, but his attention was quickly pulled away, when he heard your laugh. With a smile he looked at you, how you were playing with the kids and having the time of your life. You looked so care free, so happy. He loved seeing you like that.

  “I’m very proud of you Chris” Lisa spoke getting his attention back. He smiled at her 

  “Thank you ma” he said sipping on his beer

  “I’m not talking about your job” now he was a bit confused as to what could his mom be talking about. He didn’t think there was anything else in his life that could make her so proud “I’m proud that you are such a good man, such a good friend” Lisa looked at you, smiling “you were there for her when she thought she had no one. When she was ready to give up you pulled her out of the darkness showing her that there’s so much out there to live for” she looked at Chris who was now looking only at you. She could tell he was thinking back at everything that had happened leading up to this “you did good son. Look how happy she is. You saved her life” Lisa stood up, went around the table, hugged him and kissed the top of his head. Still holding they two watched you play with kids, then look up and wave at them

  “You gonna come join us?” you asked looking at Chris, without hesitation he left his beer behind and joined you all. Rest of the day you all played games, talked and just had a great time but as always the day had to come to an end. Lisa packed you some leftovers and helped put them in your car as you talked about few more things you two hadn’t discussed. Chris was already by your car, patiently waiting. He wasn’t going with you, he was waiting for his turn to get your attention.

 “Well thank you honey for coming over” Lisa said hugging you goodbye, you thanked her and turned to Chris,

  “Is it my turn to hug you now? or did my family take all the hugs you had?” he joked walking closer to you

  “You know I always have a hug for you” closing the distance you wrapped your arms around him, Chris pulled you closer, he held you tight, resting his head on yours. It felt as if nether one of you wanted to let go and it was true you didn’t want to let go of him. You loved hugging him, if someone asked you to chose eating your all time favorite meal or hugging Chris, without hesitation you’d hug Chris. Eventually you had to let go of him. Both, him and Lisa, watched you get in your car and drive off. The whole time that all was happening Lisa watched her son. She watched him hug you and breath in your sent, she watched him get sad when letting go of you, but Chris kept the smile on his lips, she watched how that smile he had on fell the moment you drove off and couldn’t be seen anymore. He sighed lowering his head. She waited for Chris to say something or to turn around and walk in the house, but he just stood there

  “What’s wrong? She told you she’ll text you when she gets home” Lisa said even though she knew that wasn’t the reason her son got so sad. He had just spent a whole day with you, laughing, hugging, playing games with the kids,  in everyone's eyes looking like a couple, now he had to watch you leave and come back to reality 

  “I love her ma” Chris confessed looking at her by his side. There were so many emotions in that man, Lisa could see it all in his eyes

  “Then tell her,” he shook his head. If only it was that easy. If only he could do that. 

  “I can’t. I can’t pile more emotions and new twists on her. Not now” Chris sighed turning to his mom “I can’t be selfish. I can’t tell her that I’ve loved her since the first time I saw her “Chris was ranting now, close to yelling “I can't tell her that, no matter how much I want, because it's not fair on her.” Chris sighed, looked at the rode you had just gone down. “I can’t lose  her. I want her to be happy and I don’t care how it happens, by me being her good friend or boyfriend. She needs to be happy, she deserves to be happy” he finished talking, started to walk to the house when Lisa spoke up

  “And you don’t? “ he looked back at her “you don’t deserve to be happy? And telling her that you love her could help her more. Being there for her in a new way could do so much good, to her and you” Lisa walked and stop in front of Chris “Don’t deprive yourself from happiness and love. And I’ve seen how the girl looks at you and hugs you. She feels the same way” Lisa knew her son was about to protest and say she was seeing things, so she walked away leaving him there alone in his thoughts. Thoughts about you. Maybe his mom was right, maybe you loved him too and you cold make each other happy, but he knew it wasn’t the right time to find out.

  You had just started therapy, you had just started to get pack on track and him reveling his feeling could push you off the track, make you confused. Chris wanted you to concentrate on your mental health, not a new relationship. So he’ll just keep it in, be there for you as a friend and help you be happy, he was even ready to accept the fact that one day if another man showed up one day and he was making you happy, he’d  support it and step back. Even if it would break his heart, seeing you happy was all he wanted even if he wasn’t the one making you happy anymore.

—

Tag: @chris-butt​ ; @denisemarieangelina ; @jennmurawski13​ ; @chriscaprogers ; @raabrakha ; @captainchrisstan ;

#Chris Evans #Chris Evans Imagine #Imagine #Imagines #Story #Chris Evans x Reader #x reader #Series