justletmecreateaventblogplease

[justletmecreateaventblogplease]

hazards of being me is that when i'm going through a Life Event then i'm like 'man i want to reach out to my friends i haven't checked up with in a bit and see how They are doing' but that opens up the possibility of them asking how i am and then i have to either gloss over everything or unpack the Life Event

#vent #vent post #like. 2024 has just been one thing after another for me #and i want to keep in touch with my friends!!! #but if they turn the 'hey how's it going' back on me then it's like well. what would you like the word count for this essay to be 😭

[justletmecreateaventblogplease]

haha! ow

#wisdom tooth moment #vent #vent post #i think this one is going to pierce through the gums soon...

[justletmecreateaventblogplease]

ALSO this was the other day but i was driving home from visiting family, and one of the exits was a left exit?? so like i exited left and then ended up on the far left side of the new road?? and that was fine, but i'm a bit of a slow driver and i was getting my bearings on the new road so i was going a bit slower for that too, and there was this truck behind me and i was like "okay the lane to my right is clear, let me move over out of this truck's way + not on the far left side of the road when i am not going far left side of the road speeds." so i put on my turn signal to turn right and the truck. turned right. to pass me. and i had to swerve back left liek :LKJL:DFJ:SDFN:ESADFLJSD:FLDFNS:DLKFSDF YOU SAW I WAS TURNING I WAS GETTING OUT OF YOUR WAY WHY DID YOU MAKE THIS INTERACTION MORE DANGEROUS FOR THE BOTH OF US BARKS AT YOU AND LAYS ON THE HORN AND GIVES YOU TWO THUMBS DOWN ON YOUR DRIVING SKILLS WHAT WAS THATTTTTTTTTTT

#vent #vent post #i'm STILL mad about it like if you had waited. five seconds. for me to finish switching lanes. you could've sped up EZ #but you went in the lane i was going for and passed me and i had to swerve back??? ohhhhhhhhhhh #i'm just repeating myself but i'm still MAD about it

[justletmecreateaventblogplease]

customer at work today was perfectly pleasant BUT he called me a lot of pet names and it annoyed me so much like sir. we are not familiar like that. please call me "miss" instead of "sweetheart"

#he also brought his dog in and like. i didn't see a service vest or anything but the dog was polite and idk maybe he just didn't want to #put the vest on for a quick jaunt inside the store #but also i am allergic to dogs #so like. i have no way of telling if he had a good reason for bringing the dog in or not #but if he didn't. please don't bring the dog in?? #vent #vent post

[justletmecreateaventblogplease]

ik there are a lot of jokes about retail workers vs. christmas music but still i was not prepared for the visceral rage that overcame me when i walked into work a day or two after halloween and realized there was christmas music playing

#luckily my work place usually plays like r&b and after maybe an hour or two then the music switched to that and hasn't switched back in the #past ~week #idk if we'll go back once we like. actually get to december. or if that will be more bearable since it's not NOVEMBER A DAY OR TWO AFTER #HALLOWEEN but i think if i have to listen to that for 5 or 6 hours straight then a piece of me will die #vent #vent post

[justletmecreateaventblogplease]

i started a new job recently and one of the like smaller managers was asking me how i like the job, the workers, etc etc, and asked if i thought i'd stick with and i was like "idk, this isn't a full time job and i don't think i could do it full time but i would like to get a full time job eventually i think" and he was like "why not" and i listed a few things but i brought up how i don't think i could stand for 8 hours a day 5 days a week and he was like "that's everywhere though!" and i'm just hashdasdgadslk;gaj;dlfjsd

YEAH BUT MAYBE WE SHOULD CHANGE THAT

#vent #vent post #like. late stage capitalism. everything sucks. i know it i know it #BUT WE CAN'T HAVE CHAIRS??? STOOLS??? #EVEN IF WE'RE STANDING MOST OF THE TIME ANYWAY TO DO [job thing] THEN WHEN WE HAVE DOWNTIME THAT'S NOT A BREAK?? #<- specifically customer service then like. if i'm checking out a customer i usually don't need to really move around in ways that couldn't #be accomplished by leaning while sitting. and when i'm NOT checking people out and just standing there bored then i'm usually trying to lea #against the counter in a way that relieves my foot and leg agony and usually it's one foot or the other and i just have to switch #and also try not to have my butt sticking out too much or my leg be in anyone's way or anything and just KLJDFS:LDKFJ: THIS WOULD BE SO MUC #BETTER WITH A CHAIR

[justletmecreateaventblogplease]

bro this was a vent post. on my vent blog. that was tagged with 'vent' and specifically not tagged with any barbie tags. this was not really me trying to share my thoughts with anyone or trying to get into any debates about barbie's orientation, it was just me screaming into the void and theoretically no one was going to see it. (and obviously people did! ig bc tumblr's search function sucks, but i just want to put it out there that this was For Me and not meant for an audience)

also i'm not saying that people aren't allowed to have different opinions than me or that they can't see barbie as a lesbian! mostly i'm upset that there's such a difference between the number of aroace barbie fics and the number of ship fics with barbie. to keep with your metaphor, i'm looking in the ocean for sponges and am disappointed that all i can see is fish. there's definitely a lot of fanfiction with no or minimal shipping, and i've even seen barbie movie fanfics with no shipping that aren't about barbie being aroace! i'd just like more fics like that.

also also i think i CAN be upset, since i'm not actually doing anything besides processing my feelings. like i said in the original post, i'm not going to yell at anyone else on the internet who's writing barbie/gloria fics. i just made a post for me on my vent blog about it

man but looking at the barbie movie fics on ao3 lowkey be making me mad because why are a little less than a third of the fics tagged with barbie/gloria but there's only four aroace barbie fics

like yes ugh people love their ships, especially the queer ones, and barbie + gloria have good chemistry together (and also gloria's husband shows up literally twice and so is kind of an afterthought) so people are going to want to ship them. like i know it makes sense and our culture is so amatonormative i KNOW

BUT LIKE!!!!! barbie is literally canonically ace, ms robbie SAID that she doesn't experience sexual attraction BEFORE THE MOVIE EVEN CAME OUT and in the movie then it's strongly implied that she's aro too (does not react at all when ken leans in to kiss her, generally shows no non-platonic interest in him (she almost seems to consider him an annoyance/just someone she's kinda stuck with in several parts), is visibly uncomfortable when she's giving her "you have to find yourself" speech and he takes that as "i need to be with YOU", outright SAYS "i'm not in love with ken" !!!!!!)

so like she's definitely ace. she's really aro-coded. aroace people already have so little representation in media and for her to be the main character of a wildly popular movie makes me so happy !!!!

so for a ton of people to go, "oh barbie's a lesbian! in love with gloria!" is just....

it's probably not malicious, but it still feels arophobic and erasure-y. like if a popular character is gay most people are not going to go "oh but what if they were bi and in a m/f relationship", or even if there's an ace character then most people are not going to go "oh but what if they were allo :(" (also if they did that'd be super rude and also boring like sex favorable aces exist + i think are way more narratively compelling than just making them allo) so why is it when there's this strongly aro coded character that people are like "oh i want to ship her with someone :(( she's not in love with ken so clearly she's a lesbian! she needs romance :((((" and it's just.. fine? no problems here?

and obviously i'm not going to go into the comments of these fics like "barbie's aro you need to delete this >:(((((!!!!" or even like "you're perpetuating amatonormativity" because like,,,,,, no. supremely unhelpful and annoying and unnecessarily hateful. but it makes me mad

#tbh the og post was mostly me thinking about the amatonormativity and (perhaps) aphobia of barbie/gloria dominating ao3 #like i didn't bring it up bc i hadn't rly looked + i thought maybe ken/ken would throw things off but since there's so few of them then lik #there ARE fics out there that just outright ignore barbie's canon asexuality. either knowingly or not they're disregarding it #and i'm not going to yell at them for it! for the same reasons as i'm not yelling at anyone about aro barbie! #but like i said there's so little aro or ace representation - and there's less aro rep than there is ace! - and people overwriting either I #aphobia; especially bc most other canonically queer characters aren't gonna have their queerness changed en masse bc people want to project #a different label onto that character. but 'lack of attraction' seems to mostly be taken as an invitation to rewrite it as 'gay attraction' #and it's fine bc it's a queer headcanon! /s #this is all pretty generalizing ik #but i was just thinking about it through the lens of 'many people interpreting a character as gay that i see as aroace'

[justletmecreateaventblogplease]

oh COMPLETELY unrelated to my last vent but apparently there's a lawsuit against lizzo?? or something?? found out (vaguely) yesterday on youtube bc i saw a couple thumbnails of white boys talking about it. one i just glanced at but the other i actually looked at the title/thumbnail and like boy,,,,,,,,, it was titled 'why lizzo is worse than you thought' or something like that ider but bro you're white. you're male (or at least masculine presenting). i can really only see your bust but you look relatively thin. and you, skinny white boy, are putting out a video essay about a fat darker-skinned black woman with like "manipulative and evil" in the thumbnail. and ik it's supposed be clickbait but really. really??? you have no problem with this, you see nothing wrong or inappropriate about this??

#vent #vent post #about to look up lizzo and maybe read an article about what's going on but i just wanted to be :/ about this first

[justletmecreateaventblogplease]

man but looking at the barbie movie fics on ao3 lowkey be making me mad because why are a little less than a third of the fics tagged with barbie/gloria but there's only four aroace barbie fics

like yes ugh people love their ships, especially the queer ones, and barbie + gloria have good chemistry together (and also gloria's husband shows up literally twice and so is kind of an afterthought) so people are going to want to ship them. like i know it makes sense and our culture is so amatonormative i KNOW

BUT LIKE!!!!! barbie is literally canonically ace, ms robbie SAID that she doesn't experience sexual attraction BEFORE THE MOVIE EVEN CAME OUT and in the movie then it's strongly implied that she's aro too (does not react at all when ken leans in to kiss her, generally shows no non-platonic interest in him (she almost seems to consider him an annoyance/just someone she's kinda stuck with in several parts), is visibly uncomfortable when she's giving her "you have to find yourself" speech and he takes that as "i need to be with YOU", outright SAYS "i'm not in love with ken" !!!!!!)

so like she's definitely ace. she's really aro-coded. aroace people already have so little representation in media and for her to be the main character of a wildly popular movie makes me so happy !!!!

so for a ton of people to go, "oh barbie's a lesbian! in love with gloria!" is just....

it's probably not malicious, but it still feels arophobic and erasure-y. like if a popular character is gay most people are not going to go "oh but what if they were bi and in a m/f relationship", or even if there's an ace character then most people are not going to go "oh but what if they were allo :(" (also if they did that'd be super rude and also boring like sex favorable aces exist + i think are way more narratively compelling than just making them allo) so why is it when there's this strongly aro coded character that people are like "oh i want to ship her with someone :(( she's not in love with ken so clearly she's a lesbian! she needs romance :((((" and it's just.. fine? no problems here?

and obviously i'm not going to go into the comments of these fics like "barbie's aro you need to delete this >:(((((!!!!" or even like "you're perpetuating amatonormativity" because like,,,,,, no. supremely unhelpful and annoying and unnecessarily hateful. but it makes me mad

#also sidenote tumblr/google/whatever spell check this website has doesn't even register amatonormativity as a word :// #it suggested '''''''noninflammatory''''''' as a ''''''correct spelling'''''' #vent #vent post #also i just checked and atm barbie/gloria has 123 fics to stereotypical ken/pompadour ken's 28!!!!! like i thought about mentioning ken/ken #in the body of the post but als;kdjf;nalsdnf;sldgjkaldfa;l it's barely a comparison!!!! nearly four times the number of fics!!!!!!!!!

[justletmecreateaventblogplease]

man today and yesterday and possibly tomorrow then i've had to wear monochrome stuff (since it's getting warm and those are the short sleeve shirts i have out rn) and man :(( i miss color i miss cute

#vent #vent post #at least now i'm for sure that i want to replace like 90% of my gray shirts #like i wanted to but i was considering this at the end of last summer so i didn't get to really do that with my short sleeves

[justletmecreateaventblogplease]

screams tumblr has stopped letting people who don't have tumblr send asks. like you can still send anon asks if a person has those on but you have to be signed into tumblr and then click the button, rather than send an ask, not signed into tumblr, and have it automatically be anonymous

#vent #vent post #also i've been v overwhelmed/overstimulated multiple times this week and i'm almost positive i will be again tomorrow whooooooooooo #but this is particularly annoying bc tumblr just!!! gets more and more hostile to people who aren't using it #and i am using it!!! clearly!!!! but not on my phone and so i can't DO things when i'm; say; at school. or on a road trip. and i want to go #on tumblr; say hi to my friends or scroll their tumblr or whatever #but it keeps blocking me and ahhhhhhhhhhh >:((

[justletmecreateaventblogplease]

my dad has covid and i will have to go all day tomorrow + to school all day on monday before i can test for it and like *does an anxious little dancey dance where i don't have any symptoms so i'm probably okay but i am also completely paranoid about catching covid and the not knowing for so long is ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

#vent #vent post #and like!!! even if i'm asymptomatic then my brain goes 'okay but what if your only symptom would be heart damage' like!!!!!! no thanks!!!! #also my dad has had heart problems in the past and that's uhhh kind of been a Big Deal?? like his problems haven't been a big deal but #our family history is. fascinating. and so me and my siblings get scared <3 and i'm Terrified bc his heart's supposed to be fine for like a #decade??? but what if covid goes 'aha no' and it's Not like :((((((( #just :((((((((( is the mood really

[justletmecreateaventblogplease]

oh the violent thoughts are getting me today i fear

#vent #vent post #i really need to change out of my pjs i think that would fix me #also brush my hair #but rn my brain is like 'oh you're touching your ear? what if you ripped out the bottom from where your piercings are'

[justletmecreateaventblogplease]

we were supposed to play dnd today, but then one person couldn't and they worked it out so the rest of us could play anyway (and we were like "we'll miss you :( but yeah we really want to play") but then another friend just. didn't show up??? probably fell asleep but just. it's been six weeks i just want to play and hang out with my friends man :((

#vent #vent post #this is the SECOND time we were going to play dnd and then it got cancelled shortly before we were supposed to play #n i mean ig it didn't get cancelled before we were supposed to play today. but y'know #also i have a bag of gummy bears i've been saving for snacks while we play and yeah they're gummies so they'll keep but still

[justletmecreateaventblogplease]

had a couple cookies earlier that tasted?? concerning??? like they tasted like normal cookies ofc but then there was also like??? blood taste???? something metallic-y and dark and bad :/ and i ate them anyway bc i was feeling a little #self destructive but now i am afraid anything else i eat will taste like blood

i'm not hungry yet so this is not technically a problem, but it also left me going "hm. would this make me throw up?" and being vaguely concerned about that, enough to pull my hair up in a ponytail and not wear a hoodie bc if i Do throw up i want to be prepared. and the feeling of 'i might throw up' has passed but i'm still kind of paranoid so i'm not doing anything to warm up and so i am! freezing

#vent #vent post #emetophobia tw #not rly but to be safe #food mention #blood mention #immediately after posting this my stomach's like 'hm. food.' so that's fun ig /s #maybe i will make some pasta i don't think pasta would taste bloody #and i could eat it with a plastic fork so if there's anything tasting metallic then ik to be concerned.. #i think i might do that #might just starve though idk i'm in my feelings today

[justletmecreateaventblogplease]

i hope i forget about all the times and stuff that school has. i hate being on break or home from school bc i'm sick or it's a weekend or whatever and looking at the time, and part of my brain goes "oh, if we were in school we'd be going to x period now" or "it'd be lunch time now at school" or whatever. i'm going to delete my morning alarms once i graduate and i hope i forget how early i have to wake up, i hope i can't keep track of when periods switch over when my sisters are still going to school but i am not, i hope i have to check what time they get out of school if i pick them up

lowkey i hope they switch it over so instead of insanely early am to like 2 pm then we go from still kind of early but much more reasonable (especially for TEENAGERS whose brains are LITERALLY WIRED TO STAY UP LATER) am to like. 3 or 4 pm, and then i don't know the schedule at all. i would be so happy with that

#vent #vent post #apparently my principal (yes the one i complained about last post) is considering switching our school to block schedule? #so instead of 8 classes a day every day then it'd be like 4 long classes a day and u have like. english for a semester instead of all year #i think anyway. and that sounds great i hope she implements it!! i won't get it but i hope my sisters do

[justletmecreateaventblogplease]

oscillating between "i am okay, i can do this!" and "this is going to destroy me" and "i am SO CLOSE; i am GOING to GRADUATE"

#the ''i don't think i can do this kings'' energy jumps out whenever i wake up and i have gotten roughly half the sleep i need and yet i am #expected to do ''better than my best bc it is just not good enough'' #<- p close quote to what my principal says btw #but she also says that we matriculate through the hallways so. i am trying not to let it bother me #i'm a ~good student~ anyways so it's probably not @ me but it's still v annoying #vent #vent post