justmeandtea

[justmeandtea]

[justmeandtea]

me on ellen

ellen: so i heard you like dark souls

me: y-yes…..?

*pans out to reveal the first flame fading into cinders in the background and ellen pulls out a huge flaming sword as a piano starts up from somewhere in the crowd*

me, pulling out a parrying shield: omg you d *LOUD PARRYING NOISES* 

[justmeandtea]

[justmeandtea]

"In my heart, there is a map of Palestine, and on it, every village has a story, every olive tree has a name."

[justmeandtea]

Wait what was that coup that america did? In south america I think? I cant remember it

you're gonna have to be more specific

[justmeandtea]

imagine hiring an assassin and they talk to you in a customer service voice

[justmeandtea]

scenes from California.

Sam Leathers

[justmeandtea]

“shark infested waters” bro they just live there 

[justmeandtea]

leroy grannis… pipeline, hawaii, 1972 @ killmyfriends

[justmeandtea]

Ollie Schminkey from Dead Dad Jokes

[justmeandtea]

[justmeandtea]

[justmeandtea]

My dad has a massive vegetable garden and it is his life. Whenever I ask how things are going, he tells me about the garden. Periodically he will text me a picture of the things he's harvested and ask when I'm coming to pick them up. And for a while, the biggest bit of garden gossip has been his nemesis, the gopher. This gopher was consistently ruining his day by pilfering the best of everything just before my dad could harvest it. Anytime I talked to him, all he had to tell me about was "that damned gopher." He dreamt about killing the gopher, his truest enemy. He tried to train the dog to hunt the gopher, but the dog is a pacifist. He led some of the barn cats to the holes, but the barn cats have unionized and refused his offered rate. He then laid no-kill traps (can't risk having poison near the crops) with eventual gophercide in mind, but then suddenly he was faced with a cute and terrified animal and didn't have the heart. He released it. "He was so scared, he'll never come back." The gopher was back the next day, with a vengeance. That was some weeks ago. Today, my dad sent me pictures of his garden, and I saw a squash gently laid by the gopher's hole, like a package left on the doorstep. I said "Dad, what's that squash doing there by the gopher hole?" He said "Oh, he likes squash best." In an effort to appease the gopher, my father now gives him a little squash everyday, like leaving an offering for a garden spirit. This apparently works well as a compromise; the gopher has stopped stealing, content to have his meals delivered to his door.

[justmeandtea]

Les Goudes, Marseille on film

[justmeandtea]

“Cats are connoisseurs of comfort.” 🐱

[justmeandtea]

Natalie Renelle M photographed by Joaquin Castillo for DNA Magazine

[justmeandtea]