kacysc

[kacysc]

Zosan being more popular than Zolu is criminal. Like come on I love enemies/rivals to lovers as much as the next person (it is literally one of my top tropes) but come on you can not tell me it make more sense than Zolu.

Listen I come from a fandom that is based on headcanons, barely any canon info— so I get it, I really do but this show has 1000+ eps (not even counting the books) and zosan fans delusional claims that the ship make more sense and the hatred towards Zolu (who is just so wholesome) is why the ship zosan have start giving me the ick.

[kacysc]

fluttershy twirling in her wedding dress

[kacysc]

#Just Insane Moments

[kacysc]

Just been thinking about how when Aziraphale said that 'Nothing Lasts Forever' and Crowley immediately took that in a totally different way than Aziraphale intended.

The look of surprise and confusion that quickly becomes desperation that takes over Aziraphale face as Crowley walks away, he calls out to him, begs him to come back to him, and quickly covers it up with 'to heaven.'

he didn't mean them, he would never mean them.

(a lot more under the cut)

the places would change, the circumstances would change, the people and the play and the drama would change, they have always had different seasons of their relationship.

but them, together, as always been as constant as the tides and the phases of the moon, even if they get separated for a month or a decade or a century, they always come back together.

Also been thinking about how Crowley doesn't have faith in a lot of things (for obvious reasons), but the most heart breaking is how he has no faith that underneath it all, no matter what, Aziraphale loves him and wants to be with him, even though he has a mountain of evidence of it.

Its been pointed out that Aziraphale this whole season has seemed to be trying to get closer emotionally to Crowley, 'shooting his shot.'

'Its our car, its our bookshop, its our plan to save Gabriel, take my hand lets dance while you tell me what's wrong my dear boy.'

More than just an arrangement, more than fraternizing, more then just friendly banter over drinks and food, it always was more, but now they can act like it, Aziraphale is going for it in his own way.

and Aziraphale is so obviously frustrated during the fight that Crowley doesn't see that.

but come on, you can't blame Crowley at this point, Aziraphale is effectively asking Crowley to change literally everything about themselves and forget a millennia of trauma and anger and guilt and self-loathing.

It sure makes it seem like Aziraphales love is now suddenly conditional on them changing.

I don't think Aziraphale sees it that way though right?

He doesn't see it as 'I will love Crowley more if they are an angel.' he sees it as 'Crowley will be happier as an angel surely? They will also be safer with that designation.' and 'any sacrifice will be worth it if it means we'll finally be able to be safe and together.'

See, I don't think Aziraphale even wants Crowley to be an angel again.

I think he's trying to convince himself that he wants that, which is what makes the Metatron offering that in the first place so damn insidious.

I think in his heart of hearts, appointing Crowley to be an angel again is just as much of a sacrifice to him as leaving his beloved bookshop, leaving earth with all its wonderful music and color and life and stories and people, but what does that say about him as an angel?

Everyone can sneer and look down on him for having affections for a demon but there is some plausible deniability that its just bad circumstances, Crowley just happens to be a demon but he's really very lovely once you get to know him, in spite of it all.

But like...giving Aziraphale the opportunity to make Crowley an angel again and he doesn't want to take it because...he loves Crowley exactly the way he is? That he may have had a crush on the angel he was, but it was truly The Demon Crowley that he fell in love with.

I think Aziraphale is gonna need some time to get brave enough to say that with his whole chest (but dear lord will it be wonderful when he does.)

And the Metatron knows this, and he knows Crowley is exactly who he is supposed to be, and so The Metatron knows that Crowley could never ever say yes to going back, it goes against his very nature, he knew that Crowley would take it exactly the way he did.

(Ergo more evidence that splitting them up is the whole goal because they're just too powerful together.)

So, Aziraphale is stuck in the worst way I can imagine.

He's given the opportunity to have everything he should want, so he's trying to make the best of it even though it decidedly isn't what he wants, because its evident that the meddling from Heaven and Hell isn't going away, the Metatron is giving him the path of least resistance, isn't that going along with Heaven as far as he can?

Every word he says to Crowley about how wonderful it will be and how this is an amazing opportunity and we'll be together and we'll make better choices, we'll make a difference.

Its trying to convince himself just as much.

I think Aziraphale is terrified of going back to heaven by himself, but what other choice does he have? He's terrified about what will happen if he doesn't, and not because of any explicit threat by the Metatron, but what it would imply about him, if they knew exactly how he felt about Crowley, what might they do to them both?

and that's why the Kiss™ is so horrible and beautiful at the same time, its harsh and it looks like it hurts when their teeth bump together and it is so desperate, but Aziraphale still clings to Crowley, trembling and whimpering (jesus christ sheen...)

More than an expression of romantic love (because by God herself have they expressed it in so many ways for thousands of years,) its a plea to stay, choose this, choose us.

And Aziraphale wants to, but he can't, and its agony, but how could he explain that to Crowley when he barely understands it himself, he doesn't recognize what the Metatron has done.

That's why Aziraphale seems just as angry at the kiss as he is fucking devastated, its not a 'how dare you kiss me,' its an 'how dare you kiss me right now, in this moment, when if it had came earlier everything might have been different."

"How dare you kiss me now to just let me know everything I'm giving up, and not just because you wanted to."

"How dare you make this our first kiss."

Aziraphale doesn't see the Kiss™ as the Hail Mary that it is, he sees it as a spiteful bitter thing, something that he has been yearning for forever being twisted into something to hurt him, but I think he can see the sadness and fear in it too, so he forgives Crowley for it.

And of course, Crowley takes that to mean, "I forgive you for kissing me when you know that's not how I feel, for trying to manipulate me." or something to that effect, either way its enough for him to leave the conversation, nothing more to say.

I think Aziraphales next arc is going to be all about being open and honest and brave, which is in exact juxtaposition to the traits that made him grow closer to Crowley in the first place and that's what really fucking gets me.

From giving away the flaming sword, the entire damn arrangement, trying to thwart the apocalypse, to the very fact that he loves Crowley.

"I'm a fallen angel! I lied! To thwart the will of God!"

"Yeah, ya did, but I'm not gonna tell anybody, are you?"

"Then nothing has to change."

Except it did, and it does, if they are to get their happy ending in their cottage in the south downs.

anyway, yeah that's all i wanted to say i think, how was your guys week so far?

gif credit:

@starklystar @raggedy-spaceman @spooks-ez

(if i missed anyone or miscredited pls lmk!)

[kacysc]

They’re going to buy a lava lamp

[kacysc]

Both the opening scene and “Every” share a small theme/musical melody that creates a deep emotion context to the pairs inner feelings.

Listen below to how the notes ascend and descend:

Pre-Fall Crowley’s still has an angelic choir, a holy radiance and innocence we haven’t heard associated with him before. The theme sweeps into a bright major as he laughs at the joy of his hard work and the birth of something bright and new.

However, Crowley making a nebula fills him with the same joy as a kiss with Aziraphale. The melody plays in dramatic strings that cry out with a smaller choir which slowly drags away. A melodic interpretation of the fallen angel. Yet, the music falls to minor after the initial hope of the kiss. Sadder. Slowly falling apart.

This isn’t a birth of something new like his joyful nebula, but potentially a loss.

In conclusion: Season 2 is actively slowly killing me. David Arnold went insane this season.

More GO Analyses:

- The Metatron is a Parallel to Original Sin/the Serpent of Eden

[kacysc]

Crowleys so cool crowleys so mysterious this and so hot that - Crowley is a hot fucking Mess.

He did not realize he felt romantic attraction towards Aziraphale for 6000 years ‼️ Crowley thanks cars when he crosses the road, his favorite tv shows are Golden Girls and The Good Place, he makes silly faces at his Angel, he doesn’t want to hurt people, he talks to his car and his plants, he’s down so bad for Aziraphale that he runs his their bookshop for a day, lets him drive his their car and follows Aziraphale around as he Does Shit and Crowley simply watches, smitten. Crowleys idea of evil is glueing coins to the ground and making a Big Road look like a sigil - how fun! He went to a Gas Station only once because he wanted James Bond Bullet Hole Stickers for the Bentley. His name and phone number are in a Call Center Database. He jumps at every opportunity to save Aziraphale. The Bastille in France? No problem let me just stop time for a few moments, Angel. A Church during WW2 because Angel wanted to do some Good but fell into the evil hands of Nazis? Sure yes let me just do a chicken dance down the the aisle because my feet burn because this is literally consecrated ground - what did you say? You don’t like my new name, Angel?☹️

Crowley is so silly and goofy, he’s a mess and most of the time definitely not suave. That Kiss with Aziraphale was most probably his first kiss ever. He’s not the sexyman seducing people throughout history you think he is

[kacysc]

I'm not really getting the Aziraphale hate because even without all the pressures of religious brainwashing etc etc we've literally just seen through his eyes:

- Crowley radiating joy at the sheer wonder of the universe only to be crushed by orders from up high

- Those orders being the ONLY reason Crowley fell. Aziraphale knows (and has always known) that Crowley fell simply because no one wanted to listen to his ideas.

- 6000 of Crowley clearly aching to do good in defiance of his own nature

- Crowley admitting how desperately lonely that defiance is for him

- Crowley being BETTER than Aziraphale at morality and making Aziraphale better as a result

- Evidence that no one is ever going to be chill with Angel/Demon relationships unless they are too powerful to be stopped and/or willing to vanish

- That they are never going to escape the monitoring of heaven/hell (they literally were *stalked* by both sides the entire season) so they can't just live unnoticed among humans

- Even during their last few years of 'freedom' Crowley has still been desperately unhappy. He's at the 'what's the point of it all???' stage BEFORE anything bad happens in S2. For all he talks about the preciousness of their life, Crowley is radiating misery during his freedom whereas Aziraphale actually seems happy.

Like why WOULDN'T Aziraphale see this offer as the perfect solution? Crowley can get what he always wanted - to do good without anyone stopping him, with Aziraphale helping. It can be exactly like the nebula scene forever - only this time Aziraphale can just bask in Crowley's joy.

From his pov he is sacrificing his own life on Earth for THAT.

Oof we are in the last 20% of a very angsty slow burn, kiddos.

[kacysc]

BEHOLD!! GOOD OMENS RAINBOW ACRYLIC CHARMS!!

PREORDERS FROM AUG 2ND TO AUG 30TH

The rainbow acrylic will be BEHIND the design, and the clasp will be attached at the top (above the wing for the solo charms, above the little heart for the together charm)

All preorders will come with a matching sticker! You can buy them individually or buy the whole set at a small discount.

GET THEM NOW!! RIGHT HERE!!!

[kacysc]

I’ve been looking at this image for a while now because it didn’t make sense to me for Aziraphale to be in this greenish light that only shows on demons and hell in general, while Crowley (inside Aziraphale’s head) is painted in this glowy, ethereal light.

Here’s a gif from season 1, it’s not as noticeable but the green is there.

And here’s in season two, they definitely thought about hell’s coloring a bit more now that it was going to get more screentime and it had to be contrasting with Earth and Heaven.

So then I thought of the caption.

“Crowley is living in his car, but also rent-free in Aziraphale's head.”

By the end of this season, Aziraphale has left to be Supreme Archangel, he is supposed to be holier than he’s ever been. But he can’t get him out of his head; the lighting symbolises his “impure thoughts” aka Crowley. He’s completely covered in the green too, meaning he’s always thinking about him.

I wonder if the lighting also symbolises how he feels about the kiss, because in the picture he’s touching his lips. He definitely thinks it was a temptation, and it’s consuming him whole because he wants it again. He is afraid that thinking about Crowley like this might make him fall.

But Crowley is in the light, his intentions are pure of heart, and he loves Aziraphale. Aziraphale knows that too, even if it pains him to admit it to himself. That’s why he’s painted in lighter tones.

Azira could never think about Crowley in a bad light, not when he’s spent 6000 years trying to find every little bit of evidence to prove that he is actually good. He just doesn’t allow himself to receive Crowley’s love. He doesn’t feel worthy of being loved.

[kacysc]

Crowley: A realist, an avoidant and a lover

A somehow even longer analysis of Crowley's core traits, his trauma, issues, growth and choices in season 2 (and a little bit of season 1, my treat)

Here's Aziraphale's version (Aziraphale: an idealist, a problem solver, a denier and a protector)

As we know, they are polar opposites to each other, in almost every sense of the way, yes in the obvious sense but also in their philosophy over time. While Aziraphale believes in the good in everyone (an idealist) and is a problem solver, Crowley is a hardcore realist, self aware and often pessimistic and avoidant. While in the future this could provide a much needed balance in each other's life, as of now this only causes clashes and inevitable miscommunication.

It is to be noted that while Aziraphale is a problem solver he is often in denial over issues relating to heaven, hell, god and sometimes Crowley (due to his idealism, indoctrination fear etc etc) So often times, Crowley is the first to notice the problem due to his realism and constant vigilance. But he fails to solve the issue because he wants to avoid it, never in denial but always running away from the issue at hand, he hates the thought of losing what he loves, time after time, because he cares to much. This is most clearly seen in the entire 'mystery' of s.2 and also the Armageddon of s.1. Crowley knows there is a problem and he knows the issues and worst case scenarios, with that information at hand all he tries to do is run. When he finds Gabriel he is scared, scared of losing the life they've built, scared of losing Aziraphale. But all he can think of is chucking Gabriel away, while Aziraphale is trying to solve the problem. And this is his fatal flaw, he cannot come to terms with the fact that he cannot run away forever, he needs to step up and confront his issues. He's far more self aware and realistic than Aziraphale, but he cannot for the life of him use that information. This causes them to fight, argue, miscommunicate, and its actively hurting their chances of freedom. Unless he confronts these sides and solves the issue (Armageddon, Gabriel etc) they would have come back to hurt them twice as hard.

At his core he ironically just like Aziraphale, he wants to live in a delusion, a fantasy, a dream. He runs away from the feelings of pain, of hurt, of suffering that comes from heaven, god and now Aziraphale, he refuses to confront it and move past it. He refuses to confront and move past his fall, his trauma. And this is where all his problems stem from.

The First meet:

They meet as he creates the nebula, and he's happy, he is so happy. This is what we get to know of him: he's powerful, he loves what he creates, he is happy. He has a purpose. But then he learns of god's plan, gods plan of taking all that he creates, all that he loves, gods plan of ripping it all to shreds. This is the first time he loses something. And obviously he questions, its ridiculous right? why create this nebula just to destroy it in 6000 years. And Aziraphale warns him, warns him not to question, but why? what is wrong with questioning, what's so wrong in asking a few questions? So he moves on. it's fine, he can convince god, the idea is insane anyway, god isn't that cruel, right? She can't be.

This is the first and last time he trusts god.

The Fall:

the beginnings of trauma, pain and self loathing.

While we don't know why he fell, it's clear how deeply this point in his life affects him, it is his major source of trauma. (I 100% believe that a major point in season 3, will be us learning why Crowley falls)

This is the source of where all his trauma and pain comes from, first he learns he will lose his creations in a mere 6000 years, then he loses his angel-ness. This is the point that changes him entirely, unequivocally, and permanently. He will never trust heaven, god or even hell again, because at this point he's already realized that its all the same. Their just on opposite sides of the same coin, he has already learnt the hard way that god is cruel, god is unfair and god is ruthless. and this, this leads him to become what he is today.

But this causes irreversible trauma, he avoids being vulnerable, he avoids dealing with problems because he knows just how big the issue is so he doesn't even try. Because of it, he grows to loath himself, he treats himself as if he isn't worthy, he simply isn't good enough, his entire being is not enough, not enough for Aziraphale, not enough for anyone. Yes he knows that his fall couldn't be his fault but he still treats himself that way, that somehow because of it he deserves nothing, a common response to a traumatic situation.

This becomes a foundational character trait of him: self loathing. It shows up in many ways, the way he refuses to associate himself with kindness, niceness and being good, his disposition to heaven and his own feelings of being 'unforgivable' makes him this way. Even when he clearly is doing a good thing, he refuses to acknowledge it.

Even if he believes heaven isn't good, it doesn't dispel the feelings of inadequacy, the fear that he will never be good enough for Aziraphale, that because he fell, he is not deserving of love

The Garden of Eden:

This is the second time he meets Aziraphale, a new being, one with experiences that he will spend the rest of his lifetime trying to protect Aziraphale from learning. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that this is the moment Crowley falls for the angel he will meet for another millennia.

He takes an immediate intrigue onto an angel who chooses to disobey god indirectly for the benefit of humanity, he watches an angel who thinks for himself, seemingly unpredictable, and treats him with kindness. He offer shelter of rain he does not understand without a thought, he offers safety, comfort and kindness to a demon. A demon who does not value himself, and yet he treats him like he deserves it. This is how Crowley knows, that there is an angel who isn't like the others, isn't like heaven, an angel that will do what's best for humanity. This one act of kindness is what Crowley will spend the rest of eternity paying back for.

The Flood:

If he had any semblance of trust in heaven in doing 'good' this is the point where its unequivocally gone. While he does see the fall as something not of his fault, a small part of him thinks the opposite even if logically he doesn't believe, but watching god ruthlessly kill off a multitude of people, of children that's his last straw. He cannot fathom the idea of hurting people, people who've done nothing wrong. It ironic really, the 'unforgivable' one has a far greater understanding than god and heaven and even Aziraphale for that matter.

2500 BC: The Story of Job

The beginning of a new dream, of a new side

After watching the flood, his animosity towards heaven only increases day by day but this, this instance exacerbates it. Now not only does heaven kill those who've done nothing wrong, now they want him to punish a man who has done nothing but be faithful to god by killing all that he loves and cares for. time and time again, he is forced to do the dirty work of heaven, just to prove a point.

But this time, Aziraphale is on his side, he questions the morality of this, he in the end goes against god, not indirectly but outright disobeys god. Here, for the first time Crowley sees an opportunity, that maybe, maybe with time and effort they could be on their own side, no more hell, heaven just them (not just the potential agreement, this is the first time he feels like he doesn't have to be alone)

"I'm a demon who goes as far along with hell as I can" -- "But what am I?" "Your just an angel who goes as far along with heaven as you can" "that's sounds um." "Lonely?" -- "But you said it wasn't" "I'm a demon, I lied."

In these two conversations he see's how both of them are so much more similar than they realize, how neither of them fit into either sides of the argument, they are just trying to do their best for humanity, and yes its lonely for him, but he see's how Aziraphale is just like him, he see's that maybe, just maybe there's a chance that they could be together, on their own side. He won't have to lie anymore about being lonely, because Aziraphale will be there.

1827: Edinburgh

At this point there's multiple instances of Aziraphale showing 1 dimensional viewpoints and moving backwards from his thinking and so Crowley tries to change his opinions, in a thinly veiled spectacle, he tries to show Aziraphale that not all 'bad' actions are truly that bad and that if we force humans to be at unequal footing the system just doesn't work. And it does change him a bit, but it can't rid the foundational problems that Aziraphale has, and his denial of heavens issues, that is something he needs to learn for himself, something that Aziraphale will become painfully aware in season 3.

Armageddon and Today:

In the face of Armageddon, he does what he knows best, he tries to run away, away from it all, a place where he and Aziraphale are safe and can be happy. But they wouldn't, they wouldn't be happy, he doesn't realize that he cant run forever and Aziraphale would be miserable if he knew that he could have changed things, and he wouldn't either, he would have to watch as he loses his creations. When he loves something (humanity, the stars, Aziraphale, his Bentley) he loves deep. He prioritizes it over anything else, it makes himself fiercely loyal, protective and immensely caring but also vicious to those that choose to hurt what he loves. And this is a recurring theme, Crowley loses what he loves, time and time again, he was about to lost humanity, he lost Aziraphale (temporarily) and In the end of season 2, he loses Aziraphale again. And this might finally change him, for him to realize he can't just avoid and run away, he needs to deal with his problems head on, he needs to move on from the fall. his own avoidance becomes selfishness and prevents him from helping humanity and solving issues that he understands and empathizes frankly better than Aziraphale. (re: grave digging incident 1827)

And just like running away from Armageddon, he needs to realize that without them spending time away from each other to grow and deal with their personal trauma head on instead of avoiding it, they won't be happy together. This is what will push him to grow, to change.

Growth, the way forward:

In the context of season 2 there is undeniable growth, he becomes far more emotionally vulnerable (which is in stark contrast to Aziraphale who becomes more physically vulnerable, initiating physical intimacy far more in season 2, makes it all the more heart wrenching when Crowley initiates it in the ending, it gives all the wrong reactions, the moment Aziraphale desired the entire season broken because he wanted it to be a happy moment).

In terms of his emotional vulnerability, he obviously finally communicates his feelings and desires for the first time, not with any hidden meaning, or indirectness, just pure honesty, his glasses casted away (a continuous metaphor to how open he is to a character), and also communicating when problems arise (when hell attempts to break in). And while his conversation with Gabriel alone, was all over the place and deeply emotional and frankly manipulative, it has to be said that he is finally showing how he feels, its unlikely he's told anyone this story, to protect Aziraphale.

But he lets it out, he finally lets himself feel the anger and recognizes his own pain, which is a big improvement from "Mr. I didn't fall i just vaguely sauntered down and never gonna talk about it because even I don't really know the reason but it definitely hurts"

He also shows subtle growth in terms of his own self esteem, he moves away from nearly exploding every time someone calls him nice to a more 'eh not really', he allows himself to think that maybe he is capable of being nice, the 4 years away from either side has allowed him to finally start viewing himself as worthy of Aziraphale, that he is enough as he is. So to see the ending from his perspective to see how he interprets Aziraphale asking him to be on his side is heartbreaking, all he can think:

"he wants to change me, I'm not enough, I need to be an angel to be worthy of him, I'm not enough."

In this heightened emotional state he doesn't think of stating actual facts like informing Aziraphale of their actual plan which historically at least stops him in his path to think. But he can't, it hurts to much so he throws anything, every feeling just to hope that Aziraphale will understand. But nothing works, and this might just be the last time he sees his angel, so he kisses him. Frantic and painful trying to show him just how much he feels. Its a desperate act, part of it to convince it but part of it is just selfish, because this might be the last chance he has to do it.

But all he gets is:

"I forgive you.." "Don't bother."

Even in his weakest state, thrown back into his feelings of inadequacy, he does not back down. The "I forgive you" line played through the centuries doesn't seem to mean forgiveness in a literal sense. Its Aziraphale's coded speech he loves using, to forgive is a disagreeing with him but not talking about it, pretending it didn't happen, a distancing tactic, yes I feel it too but lets pretend. His fear only lets him use code, when he flirts, its subtle. This is one of the many dances they do with each other. But this time, Crowley walks away, he finally ends this century long waltz around around each other.

He refuses to apologize for his feelings, for his opinions. And that is such an evident moment of self growth, that he will no longer apologize for being a demon and not wanting to be an angel, for refusing to change who he is and his feelings.

Season 3 will be undeniably hard on him, after losing everything (from the beginning of time to now) it will be the push he needs to stop avoiding his problems (which leads him to become selfish and unable to help humanity) and make a real change, he will confront his own trauma and finally be able to move past it. It will be hard but the reward for it will be worth it, finally they can be together.

note: Pt.2 on the fall, the trauma, coping mechanisms and thinly veiled metaphors coming tomorrow (hopefully)

Note 2: might make a post on 'forgiveness' from Aziraphale, because it is a tactic to distance, sometime remind that he still loves him and not leave any animosity but also he must be aware that it hurts him (and it could be on purpose)

[kacysc]

The fact that the Bentley does whatever Aziraphale wants and keeps inching towards him when he leaves the car. And the Bentley is an extension of Crowley, it's a part of him and he can feel everything going on in and around her. He's so completely in love with Aziraphale that even his CAR is absolutely whipped for Aziraphale. Michael mentioned in an interview that the Bentley likes Aziraphale best and, yeah, of COURSE she does. She's Crowley's. I am unwell. She turned yellow and gave him candy.

absolutely!!! i joke about it but bentley is absolutely a character in the show rather than just a vehicle, she's at least portrayed as having a subtle personality and i think it makes sense that she responds to aziraphale the way she does... he is who her owner (dad? who knows) loves and will do what she can to make him comfortable... plus, she's a diva but knows what she can and can't get away with - and i suspect that she knows to toe the line with aziraphale.

that being said, i think it must be difficult for crowley to see that; to see her respond to him the way she does, especially if he considers their bond to be pretty unique ✨

[kacysc]

Aziraphale: an idealist, a problem solver, a denier and a protector

A meta analysis on his growth, his choices and his actions of season 2 (with a little bit of season 1 context and possible future)

so basically I'm back on my bullshit and need to consolidate my ever growing thought on these character.

Aziraphale's core traits are highly oppositional to Crowley, this could either cause great miscommunication or provide a well needed balance to the two of them. At his core he's an idealist, he assumed the best in everyone and everything, when issues arise he tries to make the best of it and solve the problem in his own way and protect everyone (regardless of the outcome the key take away is that he tries) but this no longer applies when he's afraid. Another key trait, Aziraphale throughout his life is always plagued by the fear of losing Crowley and losing his 'angel ness' and when the root of the problem comes from one of his fears, then his final trait comes around: pure denial.

The first time they met:

The first time Aziraphale meets Crowley we see a couple things, he's already absolutely smitten, he already fears questioning the plans of god and warns Crowley because he wants to protect him, and finally he sees Crowley be unequivocally happy when he gets to build the nebula.

And then.. the angels fall, millions of angels fall, including Crowley, now demons, 'unforgivable, evil, cruel' and barred from the love of god. And oh Aziraphale must feel awful, he thinks about how he planted the seeds of doubt into Crowley, if he hadn't said anything, Crowley would never have fallen, he should have stopped him. (this likely fuels another reason why he wants to restore Crowley to angel status, he blames himself for Crowley's sadness)

When he finally meets him again in the garden of Eden, and this as now is the first time he does something 'out of line' and disobeys god. And he's already afraid, oh he's gone to far, he question Almighty's plan, what is going to happen. He carries that with him, doesn't question the flood, just continues, because he is afraid. He learns one thing: god is unpredictable, he is not safe. So what does he do? he goes into denial, he pretend that god has a plan, and it is actually good, he becomes idealistic, even in such a moment, he uses it to protect himself.

2500 BC:

This flashback gives us an interesting insight into why Aziraphale chooses to make the choices he does. After years of being afraid of not question he develops a 1 dimensional viewpoint. But when he learns of the plan he can't hold back anymore, he knows this is wrong, but its heaven, heaven is good right? This time he has to question heaven and thankfully, his demon Crowley is there to protect it all, to solve the problem for him, so he is still free (as he can) but the question still lingers, and then.. then he finally tried food. Which makes him scares him even more, he wonders if he's sinned too much (questioning, sinned for eating food etc) and finally it all comes crashing down:

"I'm ready to go."

"Go where?"

"To Hell."

His fears reaching a boiling point and then he lies, and demons lie. But he goes forward, afraid but still an angel. He doesn't realize he's in this constant peril not because he deserves to fall, but because heaven and god's rules are arbitrary, contradictory and often use the most miniscule things to hurt.

1827:

His fears over the centuries of falling, losing Crowley, and openly loving him have now manifested as this idealism to life, that if humans make the perfect choices they would be okay, he carries one dimensional thinking because otherwise, he would have to face the fact god is unfair, god is ruthless.

We get quite a lot of insight into both of their philosophies in this episode. For one, Aziraphale realizes that 'bad' deeds aren't necessarily bad when you look at it from a different perspective. And that as of now he believes in that the more your suffer/lower you start in the hierarchy of life the more 'opportunities' you have to prove yourself, but at the same time he believes in 'divine punishment'

In the context of season 2 this makes sense, he has been taught that at any moment, for any miniscule reason, god can punish them (Job, Crowley, Elspeth etc) and the way he can deal with the unpredictability of god is he chooses to be one dimensional, an action is always either black and white, stealing that body is a bad choice and to validate this opinion he uses the idea that its more 'opportunities' but Crowley attacks that thought, he shows him, do you really think that's true? and of course he values Crowley's opinion and considers it, and it breaks him a little, so he goes back and finally reconsiders his initial thought, he concludes that its actually just a plain good deed, no nuance, no greyness just good.

Even though he reconsiders he doesn't reach the root of the problem, for all his problem solving skills, he is still in denial and he still believes that heaven is good, he is still after all that an idealist, he does not want to realize that god is not always right, god sometimes hurts and attacks the weak, that its unfair, that heaven might just not be good. he at this point is well and truly in denial.

Even after Armageddon, he still views heaven as 'good, the light, the truth' after all they went through, after he watched them try and tear apart humanity he still thinks heaven is the good side. Yes he questions them more now, and wants to fix them (problem solver) but he cannot shake of the idea that carried him all his life that heaven is good. His idealism makes him believe that he could fix it, he believes that there is good in all and he can bring it out. This results in less change in his relationship with Crowley then what they both desired, his fear of losing everything because he doesn't know what could happen if they finally verbalized their feelings (fear of the unknown)

So when Metatron treats him with kindness (and also a heavy dash of manipulation) and even validates his love for Crowley, he allows himself to dream. Dream of a new era of heaven, one where he no longer has to fear, one where he can be with Crowley, where he gets to see the unbridled joy that Crowley had pre-fall when he build the nebula. But this doesn't take into consideration how Crowley would feel, to go back into a place that was traumatic, it wouldn't make him happy, it would hurt him.

While this could be dismissiveness, it's likely its actually tied to his idealism and need to protect their lives. In his head he believes he could change heaven (its also important to factor in that he at this point does not know that they are trying for Armageddon 2.0) and he believes he can protect Crowley there. So he sees this as a chance to 'solve the problem', finally escape his fear, but instead falls right back into the his denial of heavens issues, that heaven and god is not 'the light, the truth, the good' but just another side fighting for power.

Growth and the way forward

In terms of growth its clear he has in fact changed though he still has far to go, he becomes less afraid of loving Crowley openly, though he still leaves things unsaid. He uses 'our' 'we' 'us' and initiates physical contact often, and attempts to reassure Crowley. His fear always makes him be subtle, his love is quiet and unseen. When he wants to tempt Crowley, its always so very subtle, he's so afraid to make an obvious move, he dances around it, leaving a clear impression, but never anything too obvious. But in season 2, he begins initiating that vulnerability, more often than not, physical contact, to show his reassurance, his feelings and heart. While Crowley grows to show more emotional vulnerability.

But in the end he cannot grow until he sees the true reality of heaven for himself, and realizes he cannot push this idealism onto Crowley, that he is wonderful, kind and humane because he is Crowley, he loves humanity in a way heaven and hell never could, he is kind and good not because he is actually an angel, but because he is Crowley

[kacysc]

I can’t believe they invented gay people

[kacysc]

Boy, was today tough. Ug, first my fucking frustrations with my tablet, got that squared away. Finished Staged with David Tennant and Michael Sheen. Great show, by the way, a bit rough but fun nonetheless. My dad came back from his week and a half birthday trip in Arizona with his sisters. And just now at 10:20pm I have finished inking Azi and Crowley.

Tomorrow I will color.

I do believe after watching Good Omens and Staged I have finally grasped Michael's face as well as Aziraphale's character.

Now I can start my journey of actual fanart for the series and book. Give me time. I have a shit ton of ideas and a lot of time to do it.

Again! Please comment your thoughts on my work and your ideas and opinions on the show. Also, if I get enough of it, I can try some ideas. Trust me, I'm not that popular, so the communication would be great!

[kacysc]

Crowley is Lucifer

(Ok I know some of you don't believe this theory but I highly suggest you give this a quick read anyway. I tried to make it short and easy and I'll be going chronologically, from s1 all through s2)

- First, let's get this out if the way, Lucifer and Satan aren't neccesarilly the same person. Even in the show the devil that appeared in s1 has only ever been reffered to as Satan, not even once as Lucifer.

- In the bible Lucifer was the one to tempt Eve with the apple, and who do we know that does that in the show. Crowley is literally THE snake from Eden.

- An obvious one perhaps, but the red hair is also a giveaway

- In the bible Jesus was tempted by the devil for 30 days, in the show Crowley says "I showed him all the kingdoms of the world", so that's another role Lucifer has that Crowley had in the show

- It's well known (even mentioned in the Sandman) that Lucifer was the most beautiful of all angels, and our demon is played by no other than David Tennant

Now on to season 2 because there's a LOT to unpack here

- He litterally started the engine of the universe which was one of Lucifers roles

- He's the first to say "let there be light", which is pretty fucking huge since that is Gods line

- "I worked closely with upstairs on it" even in the first scene they're telling us Crowley is an angel of very very high rank

- He fell for asking questions, which is litterally what Lucifer fell for, for questioning God. This in and of itself should be a pretty big indicator. "I only ever asked questions"

- Shax: "a miracle of enourmous power only the mightiest of archangels can perform"

Crowley: "How do you know I didn't do it"

And Shax just... doesn't counter that. She looks even skeptical, as if it COULD be a possibility, unlike Uriel who says to Aziraphale don't excpect us to believe you did it. Shax litterally doesn't shut the option down which confirms Crowley has the power not only of an archangel but of the mightiest kind

- In the bookshop with Gabriel/Jim he says "I don't remember. It [gravity] seemed like a good idea when we were all talking about it"

- "You're welcome to come in, you might even spot an archangel" don't tell me this was Crowley just egging Shax on and not being sneaky

- The fact that he could sense the demons coming. "Somethings wrong""It's coming in waves", when Aziraphale couldn't. It could be a demon thing but we saw Sandalphon, an archangel of lower rank, in the first season mention "something smells evil" so obviously angels can sense demons too, they just have to be powerful enough. And keep in mind Sandalphon was already in the book shop for quite some time, Crowley sensed them even before they had arrived (he also sensed the hell hound who was some fucking miles away)

- The.fucking.folder. "You have to be a throne or dominion above" and this dude opens these clasified documents like it's nothing. If this isn't an indicator of his high position as an angel I don't know what is.

- He's worked eith Saraqael, another very high ranking angel

- "I'm the only first order archangel in the room"... and the camera imediately pans to Crowley, and for anyone who's read the book and watched the show you know that rarely anything is coincidental

- When the Metatron says they can't lose another prince of heaven. This... this fucking line. So it's relatively well known that Gabriel and Lucifer are brothers, and if Gabriel is one of the princes of heaven I wonder who the other one could be. "Two princes of heaven". And the Metatrons words were very careful, he doesn't say lost as in heaven can't find him, he says it in the context that they won't be sending Gabriel to hell since they won't lose another prince to downstairs

- In the bookshop when no one can identify the Metatron he turns to Crowley who imediately recognises him. Now you have this dude, who's literally on top of the angel hierarchy and is responsible for running heaven and the connection to God themself, surrounded by archangels and a principality you spoke to face to face with just a few years ago and... none of them can tell who you are, the only one who does is the literal demon. That tells us that Crowley has not only seen him in this form, but has probably worked with the Metaron himself personally. "Always asking damn fool questions", 10 million angels and he remembers what this one particular angel was like 6000 years ago

- Crowley is also very reluctant to reveal his identity as an angel. Now if he were just an ordinary angel of no real significance he wouldn't have a problem revealing his name, but... if his name was one that's the literal representation of all evil in this world, then it is understandable he keeps it a secret, in fear he might scare Aziraphale away

- And I wanted to leave the best for last. So you remember in the book when Crowley has to sign his name to start Armaggedon, and Hastur tells him "no, your real name" after which he reluctantly writes it. Now in the book we never see him write anything, but in the show we see him write a sygil, something that looks very mich like an L. An L... A FUCKING L. And now I wonder how this theory didn't come up sooner.

(Also he can fucking stop time, like dafuq)

Edit:

- "Oh looky here it's Lucifer and the guys" we all thought he was talking about someone else, he's just refferencing things other angels have said about HIM. FUCK

- I keep seing prople sayin Crowleys memories were wiped because he couldn't remember Saraqael and Furfur. But I think people forget, demons lie. He's lying to make them think he's not that angel they worked with, that he's not Lucifer. (In season 1 we hear him a few times refferencing his life as an angel, so he does remember most of it)

[kacysc]

Crowley, Aziraphale and miscommunication in three acts (or how Maggie and Nina were right all along when they said they needed to actually talk to each other):

What Aziraphale said:

Come back, to Heaven... Work with me. We can be together! Angels, doing good. I need you!

What Crowley understood:

You are not good enough for Heaven and for me. I need you to change.

What Aziraphale actually meant:

I am awfully aware of the fact that Heaven doesn't deserve you and it never did but if we work together we can change that. I am ready to do anything in my power to be sure that Heaven will be good enough for you but I can't do this without you.