karynlibrarian

[karynlibrarian]

You still have time to change!

(Words sewn into a leaf)

[karynlibrarian]

[karynlibrarian]

your art is gorgeous btw — some sansa maybe?

#sansa stark

[karynlibrarian]

[karynlibrarian]

As someone who buys a shit tonne of vintage and retro items all the time I need to tell you about the "shart zone" and "prime nuclear cockroach material"

when buying used items i will do anything in my power to avoid the shart zone, which is in the range of 5-10 years old, this is a short enough amount of time for especially electronic items to have not found a way to fall apart horribly but have become out dated enough to have no support and likely will not retain any value. I do however LOVE the nuclear cockroach material zone which is anything 20+ years old. If it still works after 20 years it is going to work forever. A great example of this is my pc which exists in the shart zone and has to be revved up to turn on lawnmower style, but my N64 works fine.

[karynlibrarian]

Speaking of therapy, I say, as though we're old friends, and you're not a stranger trapped in this metaphorical elevator with me and you can hear the suspension wires starting to fray.

I've been doing a lot of work recently that's focused on imposter syndrome and the feeling that no matter how well or how much I do, I'm not good enough. That I'm somehow tricking everyone into thinking my work is actually good.

Some days it's a minor niggle in my head that I can gentle and soothe with logic and affirmations. Or smother, depending on the mood. Other times it's loud and all-consuming and the mental anguish it causes me is so real I can feel it twitching in my muscles. This desperate fight-or-flight instinct with nowhere to go and nothing to fight but myself.

Anyway, because I'm several types of Mentally Unwell™, I was switching between workshop sheets ahead of next week. Filling in different forms. (Trying to get a good grade in therapy) And I got my "recognize your harmful ADHD coping mechanisms" worksheet mixed in with the "you're not actually lying to people, you just feel like you are because your brain is full of weasels" worksheet, and seeing them side by side made something go topsy turvy in my head, and I just had to sit and breathe for a couple of minutes until the urge to scream passed. Because it clicked, it all suddenly clicked.

The reason the imposter syndrome workshops and therapy sessions aren't sticking was because I do routinely trick people into thinking I'm someone I'm not.

Because I'm masking my ADHD for their convenience.

I've always known there was something wrong with me. My neurotypical peers made it abundantly clear I didn't fit in or was failing in some way I couldn't see nor remedy, no matter how hard I tried.

So I compressed myself into a workaholic box of hyper-competence in the hopes they'd stop noticing the flaws and exploit like me instead. And then subsequently lived with the daily fear that if they looked too close, they'd realize I'm a monumental fuck up with enough personal baggage to block the Suez Canal.

If you ever need someone to burn themselves to ashes for your comfort and convenience, I'm your gal.

Or I used to. Until I had a bit of a breakdown, and the rubber band holding my brain together snapped and pinged off into the stratosphere, never to be seen again.

Unfortunately, the trauma of living like that didn't also fuck off and instead left a gaping maw where my personality ought to be, so now I get to deal with that aftermath.

And it's that aftermath that's affecting the imposter syndrome shit. Because yes, I am hyper-competent and good at what I do-- but it doesn't feel real because that is how I mask.

And the truly frustrating thing is I am good at what I do. I am not pretending. I worked hard to be good at this. It just feels like I'm dicking around because 90% of my personality turns out to be trauma masquerading as humor in a trenchcoat, and having people genuinely like something weird I'm doing is so foreign my brain has decided it's just another form of masking.

I'm pretending to be a good author so people will think I'm a good author, and my brain thinks we are in Danger of being found out. We are in Danger, and writing is Dangerous because then people will know I'm Weird and not whatever palatable version I've presented myself as for their NT sensibilities.

Like the neurotic vampire with a raging praise kink wasn't an obvious giveaway.

Anyway. I got nothing else. Thanks for listening.

I'm going to go be very normal in another room and not stare into the abyss of my own soul for a bit.

[karynlibrarian]

it is so obvious on a second (and adult) reading that sansa doesn't love joffrey but the idea of a prince and she doesn't have a crush on loras but on the idea of a knight and she doesn't want power (whatever that means for a teenager) when she dreams of being queen, she's just trying to insert herself intentionally into that story. what a fascinating, complex, meta-narrative well constructed character

#sansa stark

[karynlibrarian]

[karynlibrarian]

discworld dashboard simulator

❓ ankhmorporkpolls

🧙🏻 blackalisstan

This is like that tsortian guy who had to pick between goddesses and started a war and then died. Or like paying the assassin's guild to kill you

🔪 treefroghousealumni follow

*inhume

🧙🏻 blackalisstan

piss off you posh knob

🍴 priestessofanoia

tbf I don't think the watch is wasting its time on this blue hellsite so ur probably safe there. the POSTMASTER however...

#sometimes I think only bloody stupid johnson could have come up with this fucking site

10,435 notes

🪻watchofficial follow

ALL'S WELL!

🍴 priestessofanoia

nvm lmao 😭

47 notes

☕ klatchmeifyoucan follow

.

#ppl on here are actually sooooo ankh morpork centric it's insane #'EVERYONE knows webblethorpe the unconscious' who??? why the fuck should I??? #like HELLO there's other places on the disc? #and klatch is NICER like omg

4 notes

unseenuniconfessions reblogged:

🦧 unseenuniversitylibrary

Ook

#SO TRUE KING

100,034 notes

Anonymous asked:

Is lord vetinari gay

🪄ramtopswitches answered:

Why would you ask us, a ramtops witches blog, this

50,432 notes

🔮 uucompetitiveeatingchamp follow

CALLOUT: @ /spanglersal (deactivated)

• started a Kickstarter to crowdfund a click of Captain Vimes & Errol then disappeared with the money and has gone completely ghost on everyone

• apparently stole over 100k

• cringe

Read More

2000 notes

Anonymous asked:

Blessings be upon this askbox

🌷queen-of-lancre answered:

I don't know if this is nanny pretending to be granny, or if it's actually granny, and I think I'm too scared to find out

435 notes

cmot-dibbler-enterprises sponsored

SAUSAGES INNA BUN ‼️‼️‼️‼️🌭🌭🌭🌭

🏚️ throwingshades

Gonna go skating on the frozen river ankh!!

💀 nojusticejustus

HAVE FUN

🏚️ throwingshades

Thanks man!

34 notes

✉️ ampostofficeofficial follow

🐸 bursaaaaaaaaar

is. is the post office posting crab rave bc reacher gilt just turned up dead

7013 notes

🧳 agateantravels follow

The Crumley's Hogswatch grotto is being advertised again but somehow I just don't think they can top last year's... like idk where they got the budget from but the real pigs?? CRAZY. my little sister asked for a pony and there was just one in the house when we got back like?? My mum was PISSED but yes talk abt Hogswatch magic. Still wonder how they pulled it off

345 notes

💖 angelofmusic

It's literally SO unfunny to be making jokes about the Opera Ghost when you all KNOW I saw so many of my friends DIE last year??? I literally have so much PTSD from it... like it's so insensitive you're all actually the WORST

#vent #don't rb #some of you will say ANYTHING for a cheap laugh :(

5 notes

🐊 genuablogging

My dealer: got some straight gas 🔥😛 this strain is called “narrative causality” 😳 you’ll be zonked out of your gourd 💯

Me: yeah whatever. I don’t feel shit.

5 minutes later: dude I swear I just saw the Duc turn into a frog

My buddy Mrs Pleasant, pacing: Lilith de Tempscire is lying to us

456 notes

#discworld

[karynlibrarian]

Some well known aristocratic beauties of the late Victorian and the Edwardian era as depicted by John Singer Sargent and in photography

Lady Helen Vincent, Viscountess D'Abernon (1904)  //  Winifred, Duchess of Portland (1902)  // Lady Agnew of Lochnaw (1892)  // Millicent, Duchess of Sutherland (1904) // Consuelo Vanderbilt in The Marlborough Family (1904/05)

[karynlibrarian]

[karynlibrarian]

They got weird cats in Ankh-Morpork

#Discworld

[karynlibrarian]

When you hear a new song on the radio and you’re desperately trying to pick a notable phrase so you can google it later

[karynlibrarian]

Calling Game of Thrones fans with knowledge of the fandom's history! [see also: Supernatural version]

I'm in the midst of putting together some fandom deep dives as part of my analysis of TV Fandom Fix-Its on AO3, including GoT. I'm trying to give context for how many fanworks the fandom was producing overall, and when overall spikes in fandom activity were happening, and I could use help.

Specifically, I'm trying to label AO3 activity spikes with what episodes/events seemed to contribute to them. But I'm probably missing important context. E.g., I know there were other events like fanwork exchanges happening that might have been contributors to some activity spikes, or things the show creators said/did might also have contributed sometimes.

If you have theories about why the red spikes between seasons happened near the following dates, that would be excellent:

Dec 28, 2020

May 11, 2020

Oct 5, 2015

Sept 29, 2014

July 21, 2014

And if you think I'm missing important context for some of the other spikes, or I made goofs on some of the labels, please LMK!

This was posted on April 10, 2024; I'm hoping for relevant replies in the next few days.

If you prefer to look at the raw data, it's too long to list here, but you can read it in this spreadsheet. And you can view the graph and labels bigger in this slide.

Thanks so much in advance!!

(If you have questions or critiques, please click through and read more context on AO3 or click through to the OP version of this post, which I will update with clarifications as needed.)

[karynlibrarian]

how does one read Arya's story about being a weird little girl in a medieval fantasy setting and not fitting in gender conformity of the times and thinking actually she wants to be all these things not because of complex feelings of girlhood and thinking she's not a lady if she's not good at these things and that she actually admires powerful women who are free of specific expectations and has the power to do what she wants , no its to grow up as a model and beat a made up beef of who's the prettiest child ever and getting things that she specifically doesnt want to be that’s spelled out in the first book of the series y’all obsess about .

how does one read sansa's story about being exploited, preyed upon,molested and groomed specifically because she fits the criteria of being a #Lady in a world that sees girls and women as bargaining chips and tools for politics and take out that actually no she needs to be punished for being “beautiful” and having ideals that are expected of her time period, screw her agency she’s gotta be a housewife or evil at the end with idealism beaten out of her cause no one understands foils for some reason

how does one read BRIENNE'S story about how unfair the world is to women and girls who dont fit beauty standards all the complexity that comes with that and their relationship to womanhood , how because she can’t be a traditional lady she’s become the pinnacle of knightly good that she specifically admires and take away that "actually ugly means bad and beauty means good, i dont get the themes of beauty with the lannisters also"

#asoiaf

[karynlibrarian]

Hello, Jane Austen book stack for your viewing pleasure 💖 In publication order, and I based the designs off of first editions and early editions that I could find pictures of!

[karynlibrarian]

Saint Paul Public Library, I am begging you to make this real