kateofcalamity

[kateofcalamity]

“Who could blame me for seeing only what I wanted to see? Who could accuse me of anything? I loved everything that didn’t love me back; it was the easiest thing in the world. Back then, I believed in change. I believed scaffolding was the same thing as structure. I thought I could build it.”

— Chelsea Hodson, from Tonight I’m Someone Else: Essays; “I Didn’t Tell Anyone,”

[kateofcalamity]

u and bae wearing matching booty shorts that say “it’s rotten work” on one and “not to me. not if it’s you” on the other

[kateofcalamity]

from margaret atwood’s selected poems (1965-1975)

[kateofcalamity]

[kateofcalamity]

left alone - fiona apple / geoff mcfetridge / does the universe fight for souls to be together? - jamie varon 

[kateofcalamity]

“And he cries and cries, cries for everything he has been, for everything he might have been, for every old hurt, for every old happiness, cries for the shame and joy of finally getting to be a child, with all of a child’s whims and wants and insecurities, for the privilege of behaving badly and being forgiven, for the luxury of tenderness, of fondness, of being served a meal and being made to eat it, for the ability, at last, at last, of believing a parent’s reassurances.”

Hanya Yanagihara, A Little Life

[kateofcalamity]

Could really do with being wrapped in someone’s arms tonight tbh

[kateofcalamity]

[kateofcalamity]

alejandro falling and grabbing and trying to kiss me at work in front of everybody is a nightmare and a daydream all in one. It’s bitter and awful and so much of what i’ve always wanted. 

im furious and satisfied.

motherfucker you want me. i can’t let you have me again. 

im an awful person for being glad amelia saw it. the same satisfaction when andres saw it months ago. he’s so good at acting innocent when he Wants me!! He innitiates!! But its sick and wrong and the fact that it gives me pleasure to make a seventeen yro with a crush feel bad is ugly ugly awful bad no matter how nasty she is to me...

I need to stop thinking about this

#journal #12/8/2018

[kateofcalamity]

[kateofcalamity]

Mitski Fiona Apple and Carseat Headrest all on the same playlist huh

You know it’s real funny that I fell for Alejandro’s comparing us to anime couples................................. that shit hurts a bit idk why. it’s silly and childish. I just saw a gifset of inuyasha and kagome holding hands and it made me remember the good times..... I cant believe it ended so badly jesus....

I woke up in the middle of the night last night and thought about him for the first time in a while... he never apologized to me.. he told me he had to apologize to a lot of people for his behavior when he was sent home... he scared the shit out of me that night....he said so many awful things in the past... he treated me like shit... and he never apologized.

I’m glad we’re done and I don’t think about him anymore...

#11/21/18 #journal #it's funny to see my last journal entry where he was a Good Thing #oh how naive

[kateofcalamity]

Happiness Tips

1. Don’t listen to gossip.

2. Ignore what people say about you.

3. Design your own life.

4. Look for the good in every situation.

5. Develop an attitude of gratitude.

6. Laugh more.

7. Once it’s past let it go.

[kateofcalamity]

When people are truly open and intimate with each other art happens. Intimacy as art. Disarming fragility as art. The dialogue of hearts as art.

[kateofcalamity]

“Despite how open, peaceful, and loving you attempt to be, people can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves.”

— Matt Kahn (via purplebuddhaquotes)

[kateofcalamity]

Do you think love exists?

Love is in everything

[kateofcalamity]

the less you know about their new life without you the better

[kateofcalamity]

I’ve been feeling like I’ve needed a crying fit lately to break thru this insane feeling, but laughter works just as well. Alejandro makes me genuinely laugh and feel good. I forgot what it feels like to be happy around people. I walk on eggshells so much around comics people, bc I feel constant judgement, but around everyone else I feel more at ease. Maybe, even tho comics people have more in common, those relationships are too volatile, too delicate, too harmful. I’m ready to let go of peter.

#journal #7/13/18 #moving on to zero expectations #i promise to have no hard feelings if he doesnt want to be friends..