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kazewhara · 2 years

Text

through the fire and back again.

# — pairing(s): aether, kazuha x gn!reader

# — characters: gender neutral reader, kazuha, aether, paimon, raiden shogun/ei/baal, gorou

# — summary: a request from @lovely26: "reader pushing aether and kazuha (separate) from baal's attack during the archon quest."

# — warnings: archon quest spoilers!!, hc/drabble format, violence, injury, swearing

# — tags: canon compliant, hurt/comfort, angst, fluff

# — notes: my first ever req on this blog !! i love this a lot bc this particular scene made me cry, like i love kazuha so fuckin much, dude :( i hope you like it and, as always, rbs and reactions are always appreciated!

✧ — 𝐚𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 — ✧

you got into a fight with aether that morning.

in hindsight, you feel terrible knowing that you just added more weight to his shoulders. he was working himself to the bone day in and day out, even if it was reluctant on his part. you could only watch as aether tightened his fists behind his back each time he was given a new task. even when you tried to lighten the load for him, he would brush you off with a half-hearted smile, mumbling his apologies into your skin whenever he got the chance.

something was wrong and it was only getting worse.

the morning it happened, you tried to stop aether from doing anything. you begged him to just sleep in for once -- to allow himself a moment to just breathe, even if it was for a second. when he refused, you became desperate.

"aether, i don't want you to hurt yourself out there!" you cried, frustrated tears forming on your lashes. "please just listen to me for once, i just--"

the traveler yanked his hand out of yours. he was fully glaring at you now, not a single ounce of mirth or kindness swimming in his golden eyes. it terrified you. "if you try to stop me from making progress one more time," he hissed, "then we're going to have to end this."

and that was the end of that. you gaped at his back as he left and couldn't muster up the courage to find him in fear of losing what little happiness you had left. you stewed in your indignation for the rest of the day until the sky began to crackle.

it was as if the air itself was laced with pure electricity. in the land of electro, that should have been a good omen, but to you, it only made your stomach drop lower than you have ever felt it. perhaps it was because you hadn't seen aether all day, but whenever supernatural things occurred, he was usually at the center of it all. you dropped what you were doing and let your feet carry you as fast as they could.

only the archons would know why you ended up at tenshukaku. when you saw the backs of the resistance as they waited on the steps, you sprinted over to general gorou, who grabbed your shoulders with thinly veiled panic in his eyes. "what are you doing here?" he asked, gently pushing you backwards. "if aether finds out that you're here--"

"he won't do a thing," you said, holding your ground. "something felt off, and now i'm here. you know i can fight, so at least let me help."

you were half-lying. while you possessed a hydro vision and could most definitely fight -- kazuha could attest to your skills -- that's not what you were there to do; you were there to collect aether and get him to safety. gorou eyed you warily. you could tell he was trying to figure out whether or not he should let you stay.

it was no secret that you were the legendary traveler's most important person; unfortunately that title preceeded you. you hated that people thought aether was your knight in shining armor. you were just as good a fighter as he was, and the only reason he'd made it this far was because you had his back. you didn't flinch as gorou scanned you closely before he sighed.

"fine," he let go of you and pointed to the entrance to tenshukaku. "we're on standby. stand at the front by kazuha and be ready. clear?"

"crystal."

after taking your position beside kazuha, you didn't have to wait much longer. you were right to be on edge; the sky became impossibly dark over the shogun's residence, and the thunder threatened to deafen you. you saw kazuha flinch and cover one of his ears with a hand beside you. before you could check on him, gorou suddenly gave the order to advance. you're confused, but you obey.

you see him at the top of the stairs. he's staggering as he makes his way out, but he looks relatively unharmed. you release a breath you didn't know you were holding and open your mouth to call his name, but as soon as you do, the hairs at the back of your neck stand at attention.

you will never be able to explain what you saw that day.

you'd heard of the musou no hitotachi in stories, but never in your life had you ever thought you would see it before you like this. reality itself seemed to tear apart before your very eyes, revealing nothing but an ominous violet eye. it's quickly replaced by the raiden shogun, who lunges out of it at breakneck speed. the soldiers around you are stunned into silence as they watch who the shogun is aiming for.

no. no, no, no, no.

she's aiming for aether.

she's going to kill aether.

things go blank after that. maybe your body moved purely on instinct and mind-numbing adrenaline, because really, everything is a blur.

you hear kazuha's choked gasping until suddenly it's not there anymore. you're not there anymore. you don't exactly know when and how you got here, but you've shoved yourself between aether and the shogun's blade, taking the full force of her attack.

there's so much to feel in this moment. part of you recognizes the feeling of raw power and determination; the very same sensation you felt the day you received your vision. you dimly, very, very dimly feel aether's mortified stare burning holes through your skin. if you had the chance, you'd laugh at how stupid he must look.

but the most obvious thing you feel is pure agony.

you were quick to activate your vision to somehow soften the blow of the shogun's blade, but as everyone with common sense knows, hydro and electro don't mix. and as expected of the electro archon, her strikes are powerful -- your arms rightfully feel as though they're going to fall off.

they can't. you know that that's no longer your decision to make, but if you fall here -- if you lose this stand-off -- who will protect aether? who will love him in your stead? with a sharp cry, you pour all your strength into pushing the shogun's blade up and away from your body, ignoring the way you can feel blood starting to soak your hands. perhaps the hydro archon took pity on you, because you successfully parry the raiden shogun's blade.

there's no time to celebrate. immediately, the shogun's shocked expression smooths itself out and she lunges again -- for you, this time. she'd clearly done it with intent to kill, because you barely managed to block the strike, and the strength of it sent you flying back down the stairs, where the resistance soldiers barely managed to catch you.

after that... well, you don't know what happened after that. when you come to, you're laying in an unfamiliar futon bed. you blink rapidly, groaning when the sunlight nearly blinds you. to say that you're in pain would be a vicious understatement. your arms are stiff and numb, your ears are ringing, and every breath you take feels like someone is cutting at your insides with each inhale.

you cough, wincing at the metallic taste in your mouth. the events in front of tenshukaku plays out once more in your head, and you groan again, louder this time. intervening and basically stopping the musou no hitotachi would be a fun story to tell people once you've recovered, but as of right now, you feel nothing but regret.

the regret is quickly replaced by relief, though. because at the end of the day, you managed to save aether's life. surely, you tell yourself, he retreated with the resistance after that incident. you smile bitterly as you remember the argument you had before. maybe he hates you for getting in his way like that, but you could make peace with that; so long as he's alive then--

"you're awake! traveler, they're awake!" a high-pitched voice cuts through the persistent ringing. you can't move your neck too much, but you manage to turn enough to see who yelled. it's paimon. she's frantically looking between you and the sliding door. "paimon's so glad you finally woke up!"

"finally?" you croak. "what are you--?"

a pair of footsteps stops near paimon before there's a soft thud and a sudden weight on your torso. you crane your neck up a little to get a better look at your visitor. as soon as you spot golden hair, your lungs close, forcing you to cough.

"oh, paimon will go get water! paimon'll be right back!" the little fairy disappears into her cloud of stars. she returns quickly and helps you sit upright to drink the water, but makes the sudden decision to leave you alone with aether.

the silence is so loud.

you have no idea what to say to him. the last time you'd spoken, he was threatening to break up with you. you were already prepping yourself for the post-break up healing process, so why..?

"it's been three weeks." aether finally speaks. he looks up at you, his eyes red-rimmed and watery. was he... crying just now? "you were asleep for three weeks."

wow. there's a lot to unpack. you say the first thing that comes to mind.

"why are you," you pause for a second to cough, "here? i figured you'd break up with me."

aether grimaces. you wonder what's going through his head. you continue: "if you still want to break up, then..." you suddenly feel a new pain blossoming in your chest. it brings you to tears faster than any cut ever could. "i won't stop you, i--"

"you wake up from a three week long coma after saving my life and you think i'm just going to dump you?" aether looks horrified by your words. stray tears drip from his eyes. "i visited every single day after--" he chokes up. "after what happened. i'm sorry; i shouldn't have been so mad at you, i know you were just looking out for me, and i-- archons, this is all my fault--"

you cut him off then. "aether, i saved your life because i wanted to." you rasp. breaking up or not, the fact remains that you are wholeheartedly in love with the traveler from beyond the stars. you would do it again in a heartbeat -- suffer the same wounds over and over and over if it meant that he got to live another day. "i did what i did because i love you; no other reason."

aether sniffs and avoids eye contact. you can tell him it's not his fault all you want, but that probably won't change a thing for him. you can't convince him otherwise either -- not in this state. you're bruised, battered, and numb; you're not in any position to tell him to stop worrying. but that won't stop you from trying. "c'mere." you beckon him over.

he does as you say.

"a little closer."

he's a few feet away now.

"just a liiiiittle closer, c'mon."

aether hesitantly obeys. he's close enough that you can feel his shaky breathing. you rest your forehead on his, suppressing a hiss of pain from the movement.

"i love you." you whisper. you can sort of see him flinch. "i'm glad you're okay."

there's a long pause before aether chuckles shakily. "that's my line," he whispers back. "i'm sorry. i'm so, so sorry. i don't know what i can do to make it up to you, i--"

"don't do anything," you interrupt. "i don't want anything from you. just stay alive; that's all."

aether sighs. "...that's all?"

"that's all."

✧ — 𝐤𝐚𝐳𝐮𝐡𝐚 — ✧

despite being one of the most level-headed people you have ever met, kazuha somehow also manages to be one of the most reckless.

granted, he almost always had a reason, but that didn't change the fact that you developed a fear that his recklessness would get him killed someday.

it didn't help that kazuha used his anemo vision to his advantage each time, channeling the element to boost his speed whenever he needed it. you sometimes wished you could hide it from him, but it was obvious why that was a terrible idea.

as a compromise, you decided to aid him in his ventures. you figured that so long as you were present, you could, at the very least, pull him out of danger at the last second; your own electro vision granted you enough speed to match him at times. you relied on your own battle prowess to keep up with your boyfriend -- something he greatly appreciated.

because the last thing you would ever do is clip the wings of someone like kazuha. you may as well be the updraft that keeps him in the air.

the fact remains, however, that you will lag behind him at times. kazuha is trained to be quick -- to avoid the eyes of others. his quick thinking is what usually leads him to victory most of the time, even in a pinch. so sometimes, you don't even get the chance to help before he's finished the job.

"you're too fast, kazuha," you panted one day after training with him. "what if you get hurt?"

kazuha hummed, tapping the hilt of his katana. "what guides me through battle is not the possibility that i may fail, but that i will succeed without a scratch."

you frowned at him. "and what if i can't be there to help you when you need it the most?"

bandaged fingers hooked themselves under your chin gently, tilting your head up. kazuha leaned in and kissed you with all the gentleness of a passing breeze. "you are always with me," he said. "and if i may be completely honest, i would much rather be hurt than watch you injure yourself on my behalf."

you couldn't say anything to that.

all you could do was hone your skills.

if you were faster, stronger, more agile, maybe you could keep up with him -- surpass him, even. kazuha thought your desire to be better than him was endearing, but he accepted the challenge. he trained alongside you as often as he could, and you found that you started to make progress.

you were quicker during hilichurl ambushes and fatui run-ins, but if neither of you broke a sweat, you felt it didn't count. you somewhat longed for the day you could completely protect kazuha with your new skills and brag about how much better you were.

when you got your chance, however, your self-imposed competition was the last thing on your mind.

to bear witness to the musou no hitotachi was an honor, especially as a citizen of inazuma. especially as an electro vision holder, you felt as though you could someday produce something of your own -- something as legendary as the raiden shogun's musou no hitotachi.

it was a childish dream, but vision holders are, after all, known for their ambition.

your heart all but stops as you watch the raiden shogun target the blonde traveler. you'd grown close to him during his time here, and whenever you weren't training or helping the resistance on the front lines, you were asking him how you could help him find his lost sister. he opened up to you and you to him, and you thought it safe to say that you'd found a truly close friend in him. but as he -- and the rest of the resistance -- looked death straight in the face, you found yourself paralyzed.

this wasn't what you trained for. this wasn't what you dedicated all your time to. you were supposed to be like the very lightning that you commanded and yet here you were, as stagnant as the air you breathed.

move. move!

a sudden gust of wind from your left nearly knocks you to your feet. you finally get your body to move, hoping to see what just happened. you don't see what produced that wind, but you immediately know who.

you whirl around to see kazuha resisting the shogun, his own blade suddenly looking flimsy as he tries his hardest to push it back. your stomach threatens to rid itself of it's contents when you notice the electro vision glowing beneath his own. somehow, kazuha managed to reactivate tomo's vision and is using both to save the traveler.

it's enough to startle everyone, even the shogun, but it's not enough.

while he does successfully manage to push the shogun back, he also succeeded in making himself a target. again, the shogun strikes, this time he sword aimed right for kazuha's chest.

you're actually not sure how you managed to get there in time. kazuha did it with the help of two visions, but you? you only had the one. perhaps it was all the electricity in the air that came to your aid when you needed it the most. you felt as though you became a stray bolt of lightning for a split second, rushing in front of kazuha in the nick of time.

as for the plan? there was no plan. you just knew you needed to keep kazuha safe. that's been your main goal for months: to keep kazuha alive. you force yourself between kazuha and the raiden shogun's blade just in time, but you don't bring your blade up in time to send it away. you barely hear kazuha's shattered cry of your name before your world begins to warp itself. after that... you don't remember what happened very well.

you're suddenly forced back down the stairs with kazuha, but you don't exactly know how you got there. there's screams and battle cries coming from every which direction and you can just barely make out the figures of the resistance soldiers advancing on tenshukaku, but only one voice stands out.

"...no, no, not again, not again!"

it's kazuha, you realize. even as your consciousness fades, you hear him yelling your name.

when you come to, the first person you see is gorou.

he's leaning on the wall with his arms crossed and eyes closed, his ears flicking every so often as he listens for any signs of trouble. the haze of your mind doesn't clear itself completely, but you squint at him, wondering why he's keeping watch over you. gorou's ears suddenly go completely still and his eyes fly open, fixing themselves on you. "you--"

"uh, good morning?" you wince at the sound of your voice.

gorou blinks a few times. you can't see it from here -- there's too many painkillers in your system for you to make sense of anything -- but his tail begins to wag upon seeing your face. "don't strain yourself," he calls as he exits, "let me go get the healers."

after an extensive check-up and another strong dose of painkillers (since apparently, hydro healing wasn't enough), you think yourself ready enough to ask questions -- ones that gorou hesitates to answer.

he reluctantly informs you that the raiden shogun's blade went straight through you. she was visibly shaken by your sudden presence -- apparently, it must have been because she had intended to kill someone, but it certainly wasn't you. the traveler took advantage of her distraction and rushed her as soon as you went down while kazuha sought medical attention for you as quickly as he could. the doctors said you were lucky that the shogun's blade was fashioned out of pure electro energy. the wound seemed to cauterize itself after being formed; at the time you were impaled, you mostly fainted out of shock. you were severely -- almost fatally-- injured, but you survived.

gorou had a strained smile when he told you everything, his eyes dropping to your bandaged torso.

"in all the time that i've known kazuha," he said, "i've never seen him so shaken before."

you don't ask what that means. instead, you find out firsthand.

after teasing gorou for a few minutes about his constantly wagging tail, he leaves again, presumably to go back to work. he and kokomi must have their hands full after the incident. you lean your head back on the wall and shut your eyes to pass the time, but your peace doesn't last long. your nose suddenly twitches and you open your eyes.

it's kazuha. he's okay.

rather than focus on how he looks, you're preoccupied with the fact that he's standing before you at all. tears of relief spill over almost immediately. "hey," you greet him breathlessly. "how are--"

"are you an idiot?"

what?

"i-i'm sorry?" you barely manage to get the words out. kazuha's voice doesn't sound like it belongs to him. it's rough and abrasive; it's everything he's not. you try to convince yourself that maybe he just needed water or something. that has to be it, right? "what did you say?"

kazuha finally looks you in the eyes but you feel like you're looking at a stranger. his crimson stare is frigid and unforgiving. it's a look that's reserved for people who cross his path -- not you. you jaw shuts with a soft click as he speaks again. "i asked if you were an idiot." his fists tremble at his sides. "you must be, if you were willing to throw yourself in harm's way like that."

is he... is kazuha upset with you? this wasn't the first time you've taken the brunt of his frustration, but your stomsch drops as you suddenly wonder if this would be the last. "i put myself in danger every day, kazuha; what made yesterday any different?"

"yesterday?" kazuha treats the word as though it's offended him personally. "you think that that happened yesterday?"

"yes..? kazuha, where are you going with this--?"

"it's been two weeks." his voice wavers. you see vulnerability creep up on him, nearly bringing him to knees. the knowledge that you've been unconscious for two weeks doesn't shock you (no pun intended) as much as you thought it would considering the severity of your injuries, but it seems that saying it out loud was enough to crack kazuha's entire being. he's lost his usual manner of speech, switching it out for something more straightforward.

"well," you gingerly slide your hand over your abdomen, wincing when you touch the bandaged area, "i'm fine now, so--"

kazuha's beside you in an instant, his fingers locking around your wrist. he's still as swift as the wind he commands. you don't have the strength to pull your hand back, but you whimper quietly when his grip tightens. he lets go immediately. "fine? you call this," he gestures at your body, "fine? you almost died, and you--" kazuha fixes his eyes on your lap. "you think everything is fine?"

clearly, you've misspoken. you don't get to apologize.

kazuha continues, pushing a hand through his hair. "do you have any idea what it's like watching the one you love die before your eyes?"

you don't answer. guilt wires your jaw shut. kazuha's fingers twitch in place. by now, he would've grabbed your hand as means of grounding himself, but he looks almost repulsed by the ides of touching you. almost as though he's afraid of you.

"if you came to my aid because of that foolish challenge, then you're the biggest idiot i have ever known." he grumbles. "if you saw me handle the shogun once, you should have trusted that i would have made it out of there unharmed."

"it's not you i didn't trust, kazuha." you finally find your voice. you don't feel as combative as you sound, but admittedly, you're frustrated by the way kazuha seems to have twisted your motive for doing what you did. "if you were in my position, would you honestly believe that the shogun wouldn't have killed me on the first strike? do you think i help you because i want to be better than you?"

your hackles rise as soon as you finish your sentence. does he really think that little of you? were you alone in your feelings this entire time?

"why else have you been so eager to improve?"

"because i love you, kazuha." your confession is heartfelt, but it lacks the feeling behind it. your body heats up as indignation begins to boil over. "you're not just some rival, you're my lover." you lower your voice. "or at least i thought you were. perhaps i was mkstaken."

that gets kazuha's attention. his eyes are on you in an instant, his expression crumbling. "no, that's not what i--"

"to my knowledge," you hold up a hand, cutting him off, "lovers do what they can to protect each other, even if it meant puttting themselves in grave danger in the way i had. so forgive me for using my new strength to keep you safe -- i didn't realize it would upset you so much."

kazuha grabs your hand and reaches out, cupping your face gently with his free hand, his thumb stroking your cheek. "dove, please, that-- i was just-- i thought i was going to lose you."

you lean into his touch despite yourself. you've never been able to resist him, even when you're furious with him like this. "i thought the same, kazuha," you whisper.

there's a tense silence. the two of you were well-aware that your biggest issue was your overwhelming concern for one another. you knew how deep your love ran for him, but perhaps kazuha underestimated just how far you would go because of it. it's reassuring, knowing that he's not genuinely mad at you, but you can't deny how much he's hurt you just now.

as if he can read your thoughts, kazuha sighs, breaking the silence. "forgive me, my star." he leans forward, pressing his lips to your forehead. he sounds like the kazuha you fell in love with all over again, his words coated with the sweetest honey. "i was out of line. i was just--"

"worried?" you finish his sentence. kazuha nods when he pulls back, his eyes downcast. you think he looks a little like a scolded child. the corners of your lips twitch. "i know all too well how that feels, kazu'. i understand."

"i thought... that you weren't going to wake up."

"i know."

"i thought i was going to be alone again."

there it is. the root of the problem. you hold your other hand out and kazuha takes it, pressing your knuckles to his forehead with a shaky breath. you give a moment to himself. it seems like he's committing your skin to his memory; solidifying the fact that you're really here -- that you didn't leave him behind. the very thought of doing so scared you almost as much as it did him.

"i'm not going anywhere, kazuha." you say. you feel him squeeze your hands tightly. "i'm right here. i always will be."

kazuha doesn't respond for a second. he doesn't move, but you notice his shoulders are shaking. "kazuha--"

"you know," he chuckles, his voice shaking, "i actually can't think of any poetic ways to express my love for you. can you believe that?"

you blink a few times before snorting. "it's a welcome change."

"you wound me, angel." kazuha looks up at you then. his eyes are teary, but none fall. "i love you. thank you for staying alive."

it's spoken like a prayer, soft and reverent. you smile. "i love you too, kazuha. more than you'll ever know." you pat his cheek and he holds your hand in place, pressing fleeting kisses to your palm. "'till death do us part, kazu'."

kazuha hums in agreement. "'till death do us part."

✧ (waaah it's finished! it's not proofread, nor do I know how many words it is, but @lovely26 i do hope you enjoyed it! thanks for the req and thank you everyone else for reading!)

#z reblogs #happy birthday to this fic #belated birthday anyhow

3K notes · View notes

kazewhara · 2 years

Text

rain check.

# — pairing: (spidey!)kazuha x gn!reader

# — characters: gender neutral reader, kazuha

# — warnings: n/a

# — summary: "i'm late, i'm late! for a very important date! no time to say 'hello, goodbye,' i'm late, i'm late, i'm late!" — white rabbit, alice in wonderland

# — tags: spidey!kazuha au, fluff, brief angst, making up, getting together, there's kisses involved, reader's also a simp (lol)

# — notes: [stands awkwardly in the corner] heyy... i tried my hand at the au again... as always, reblogs and reactions are greatly appreciated, and i really hope you enjoy this!

wanna join the tag list?

✧ — 🍁 + 🕷 — ✧

the meeting time was 7:30 pm originally.

7:45 pm. the waitstaff asked you if you wanted to order anything. you politely declined and informed them that you'd order when your date arrived.

8:15 pm. you texted kazuha and got no response. you eventually grew impatient and reluctantly ordered food for yourself. your face burned at the looks of pity you received from the employees.

8:45 pm. you still didn't get a response from kazuha. you tried not to text him too frequently in fear of sounding clingy or belligerent, but after an hour or so of radio silence, you couldn't help but triple (or even quadruple) text him.

9:00 pm. you check your phone. still no response from kazuha.

9:15 pm. you figured that dessert wouldn't hurt, but it was hard to stomach what with the waitstaff watching you from afar. if you strained your ears, you could hear them whispering something about a customer being stood up and having to eat alone.

9:30 pm. you didn't eat the dessert.

9:45 pm. you asked for the check. they refused to give you one. they gave you their pity instead.

10:00 pm. you left.

10:05 pm. five minutes after you started walking home, there was a blinding flash of lightning. that was the only warning you received before the skies opened up.

the frigid rain seeps through your clothes and chills you to the bone. surprisingly, it's not as unpleasant as it sounds; you were starting to feel a little numb, anyway. quiet splashes echo from the sidewalk as you drag yourself home. people pass you by one after the other, each with umbrellas, but you pay them no mind. you continue on your way.

maybe you're being dramatic, but you feel like shit right now.

when kazuha first suggested going to such a nice restaurant, you were a little hesitant to agree. never mind your preferences — kazuha isn't one for lavish affairs. he's told you as much before. even if the place wasn't super pricey, the ambience seemed to be a bit too much for his tastes. it took some coaxing on his part — he said he wanted to ask you something important, which only served to make your stomach twist into knots — but in the end, he finally got you to say yes. (truthfully, you folded as soon as he took your hands in his — you really need to learn to say no to him.)

it wasn't until you were getting ready to leave that you realized that this was going to be your tenth date with kazuha. is that why he was so insistent on going somewhere nice? you thought it adorable that he seemed to be keeping track of the number of dates the two of you have been on. it made you excited to see him — so excited in fact, that you showed up fifteen minutes early.

and yet in spite of this whole thing being his idea, kazuha never showed up, leaving you to make a fool of yourself in one of the nicest restaurants in the city.

"knew i should've stayed home," you grumble as you trudge through the downpour. you're totally lying to yourself; you had no intention of saying no to him. kazuha could suggest anything and you know you'd agree at the drop of a hat. but as they say, hindsight is 20/20; you should have dug your heels in and said no and suggested something else — maybe something that didn't involve you looking like a fucking moron at a restaurant.

your vision blurs suddenly, forcing you to come to a halt. you think it's because of the torrential rain, but the heat radiating off of your cheeks tells you otherwise. you wipe your eyes free of water — a futile effort — and chuckle humorlessly to yourself. why are you doing this? it's not like anybody's going to notice, right? you sniffle; that can easily be because you're cold and wet.

you sob. you tell yourself it's just a cough.

stop being so dramatic. keep walking.

the second you turn onto a narrow street, you hear a familiar thwip-! coming from overhead. you barely have time to acknowledge that spider-man is swinging around before he's landing right in front of you, blocking your path. you brush rainwater (and tears) out of your eyes to see him better. "you're, uh, kinda in my way, spider-man," you call out over the downpour. "could you move so i can go home?"

"what're you doing out here without an umbrella?" spider-man asks. he doesn't move like you asked; he just steps closer. and if you strain your ears a little, you think he sounds really worried. maybe you're just hearing things. "you're drenched! you're going to get sick at this rate."

for some reason, his concern makes you want to laugh. you crack a smile, though there's very little joy to be found in it. "i'm just taking a nightly stroll." you lie. "and don't worry, i won't get sick. i'm the nurse here, remember? now could you move, please?"

you step around him and start to walk past, but he grabs your arm, stopping you. why is he being like this? what is it with the men in your life tonight? "i... can't be too sure that you'll go straight home." he lets you go and holds out his hands for you to take. "at the very least, allow me to take you."

you make a face. "shouldn't you be saving someone somewhere?"

"i'm offering to take you somewhere, aren't i?" he asks. it sounds more like a retort to you. "and aren't you someone?"

"uh-huh. and what are you saving me from, exactly?"

"if we move fast enough, probably a really bad head cold." spider-man shakes his hand, silently urging you to take it. "come on. i can't have my doctor getting sick, can i?"

you sigh. you don't have it in you to turn down his offer. you never do, now that you're thinking about it. you should really do some self-evaluation. besides, the rain is fucking freezing — it felt nice a few minutes ago, but you can feel yourself starting to shiver and shake. that cold may just catch you regardless of how quickly you get home. "fine," you say and take his hand.

spider-man pulls you in by your hand and wraps an arm around your waist. instinctively, you cling to him as tightly as you can. he's as warm as ever, you note, even in the freezing rain. at this distance, you hear him chuckle: "at least you know to hold on tight." you get no other warning before he's zipping through the air with you in tow. you shriek at the sudden movement, but spider-man only laughs. "you're alright," he reassures you over the wind.

in no time at all, you're being rested on your balcony. you slide open the door and stumble into your apartment on wobbly knees, ignoring spider-man's amused laughter. "you're like a baby deer every time," he giggles. "are you not used to it yet?"

"stop making it sound like i'm the weird one here." you grumble as you lower yourself into a chair. your body feels too stiff and heavy to move. you're still drenched, but all you can do right now is shiver in your seat. meanwhile, spider-man isn't making any moves to leave. he's just watching you — or at least, you think he is. "what're you s-standing there for?" you stutter. you're cold. "what's the matter?"

spider-man puts his hand on the back of his neck and rubs it awkwardly. are you missing something right now? why is he suddenly acting like this? "are you... going to tell me why you were walking in the rain?" he holds the back of his neck, his eyes seemingly still on you. "i refuse to believe that you were taking a 'nightly stroll'." he uses air quotes to repeat your earlier words.

you laugh shakily. "are you interrogating me, spider-man?"

for once, he doesn't laugh with you. "i... just want to know. i'll leave you alone as soon as you tell me; you need to go and warm up."

you open your mouth to explain, but as you look back on the whole incident, you once again feel embarrassment take you by the shoulders. why were you really walking home in the rain? you could've ducked into a store and called a cab or taken public transportation -- what possessed you to do something so childish? your skin, though clammy, heats up as you avert your eyes.

you press your palm against your lips, muffling your voice. "i was, uh... stood up."

"...really now?"

you grimace and nod. "it was, um... supposed to be our tenth date, actually." you recall the blush that coated kazuha's cheeks when he asked you out the other day, and you start to feel the beginnings of a smile on your face. he's so cute — you'd give anything to see him right now.

because as upset as you may have been earlier, you realize that deep down, you just really want to be with kazuha. you're pissed that he still hasn't contacted you yet, but you have faith that he will; this kind of discourtesy isn't like him.

spider-man doesn't know that, though. he makes a noise of disapproval. "pardon my harsh language, songbird," he comments, "but he sounds like an asshole."

you gasp, scandalized. you've never heard him swear before. it sounds so wrong coming from him — was he really that upset about you being stood up? why did that thought make your heart skip a beat? "don't say something like that!" you open your mouth to continue chastising him, but instead you sneeze, hard. you groan and rise to your feet. if you don't move now, you really will catch that cold. "say something bad about my boyfriend again, and i'll fight your face off." you call over your shoulder as you head to your bathroom.

"your boyfriend?" spider-man's words give you pause. you whirl around to glare at him, ready to retort and defend yourself, but he puts his hands up in mock surrender. "you said it, not me. but i must say," he lays his hand over his chest, "i'm wounded, songbird. and here i thought i stood a chance."

you freeze. he thought what?! your mind starts to race immediately, but you reel yourself in quickly. your feelings for spider-man are supposed to be a thing of the past. they were childish and impractical — kazuha is the better choice in every way possible. remember that, you tell yourself.

you flip him off with a sigh. "get out, webhead. i'm going to warm up."

spider-man shrugs, the perfect picture of nonchalance. if only he knew the things he did to your head. "alright, alright." he heads back to your balcony. "take care of yourself, okay?" he calls out to you.

"whatever!" you call back.

with a laugh, he leaps off of your balcony and swings into the stormy night, leaving you dripping in your hallway. you shake your head and start towards your bathroom.

once you've taken a hot shower and put on some warm, dry clothes, you drop yourself onto your couch and turn your tv on. you're not really watching anything, but the background noise is nice. you lay yourself down and roll onto your back.

so the date was a bust. you sigh heavily. that restaurant was so, so nice, too. the atmosphere was perfect — you're pretty sure that if kazuha had asked you to be his partner there, you might have cried. that, or you would have passed out; either one seems likely. you pause for a second. is that what he was going to ask you? oh, you definitely would've cried.

are you really upset about being stood up? you gave it some thought while you were in the shower and decided that no, you're not all that upset. at least, not with kazuha. embarrassed, yes — you can never show your face at that restaurant again — but not upset. kazuha's track record speaks for itself; you can always re-schedule the date.

again, you sigh. you're much too nice to him. simp.

you're about to change the channel on the tv when you hear a frantic knocking on your front door. you jump, startled by the sudden noise. hesitant, you make your way to the door. "uh, who is it?" you call out.

the voice from behind the door makes your stomach flip. "it's kazuha. can i see you? please?"

kazuha? he came here?

you look through your peephole and sure enough, kazuha is standing in front of your door looking very winded, very distressed, and very drenched. without thinking twice, you fling your door open and tug him inside. "what were you thinking, coming here in this weather without an umbrella?!" you hiss at him as you take in his rain soaked state. under any other circumstances, you'd be gentler with him — normally you would never be so snappy with him — but all that's on your mind as you dart over to your linen closet is how sick he's going to be because of this.

kazuha's eyes widen at your tone. "i had to come and see you," he tries to explain. "i--"

you don't let him finish. you drop a soft towel over his head and start rubbing him dry, ignoring the startled noise he makes. "you're still catching your breath, too. christ, did you run here or something?"

you move the towel so that you can see kazuha's face. he looks so apologetic and honestly, really cute with his face peeking out from under the towel. "if i said yes, would you be upset with me?"

"what the-- yes!" you head back over to your linen closet and grab a bigger towel before marching into your room to rifle through your stuff. you can't believe he risked a catching a cold like this! and for what? just to see you? you stop for a moment and recognize just how romantic his gesture is supposed to be. his sprinting all the way to your apartment (and judging by the way his chest was heaving, up the stairs, too) in the freezing rain makes your heart stutter — to think he would go this far just to see you... you shake your head. you can be flattered after he's dry. you hear a quiet sneeze from outside your room and quickly head back out to see kazuha rubbing at his nose.

you shove the clothes you found into his arms along with the towel. "go and take a shower and put these on." you shake your head when he starts to talk back. "nope, i don't want to hear it. when you're done, leave your clothes in the sink and i'll wash and dry them."

"this is--"

"kazuha." your tone is flat and leaves no room for argument. you raise a brow at him and he stares at you for just a second longer before doing as you said. once the bathroom door is closed, you drop yourself back on your couch and bury your face in your hands.

you thought that you weren't upset, but now that he's actually here, you're not quite sure what it is you're feeling. are you pissed because he risked his health to see you? or do you want to punch him for standing you up tonight? well, you think to yourself, he wouldn't have run in the rain if he didn't feel bad about the whole date situation. you look at the bathroom door with a tiny smile. he can be such a charmer when he wants to be — an impulsive one, but a charmer nonetheless. you decide that you're definitely just upset at him for being so stupid.

time passes and eventually kazuha emerges from your bathroom in the large hoodie and sweatpants you forced upon him. he looks adorable in your clothes. you tell him to make himself comfortable before tossing his clothes in the laundry. when you come back, you seat yourself beside him. he seems to be making himself small — either that or he's just drowning in the clothes you gave him. "am i allowed to speak now?" he asks quietly.

you snort. "yes, kazuha, you can speak now."

"i'm really sorry." kazuha's eyes are on you, and you can see the remorse swimming in them. he looks like he's gauging your reaction for permission to continue. when you say nothing, he goes on: "i swear to you, i was on my way there when something suddenly came up," he continues. "it was urgent and demanded all of my attention. i must have gotten so absorbed that i'd forgotten to contact you. by the time everything had finished, it was incredibly late and i figured that you must've gone home, so i..." he trails off.

you tilt your head. "so you ran here?"

kazuha nods. "i... didn't realize doing so would upset you so much. so please, allow me to apologize for that as well. i know my excuse may sound generic and unsatisfying, but you have to believe me when i say that i'm telling the truth.

well, there it is. there's your apology. you press your lips together to fight off a smile. "i believe you just fine," you say. "and i forgive you."

he blinks in disbelief. "are... you sure? aren't you upset with me?"

"do you want me to be?"

"you should be." kazuha winces. this is seriously eating at him; his brows are drawn and his jaw is clenched, showing in no uncertain terms that at least one of you is upset. upset may not even be the right word. he's starting to look pained, if not anything else. why is he being like this? for the second time tonight, you feel like you're missing something here.

you reach over and gently tap your fingers against his own in a silent request to take his hand. he visibly stalls before tentatively wrapping his pinky around yours. "i really do forgive you, you know." you murmur. "life happens, and sometimes plans don't work out. that's just the way things are."

kazuha sighs, unconvinced by your kindness. "the whole date was my idea." he takes his hand away from yours. "at the very least, i should have contacted you." he looks away from you. "and i know that... that this won't be the last time something like this happens. i don't want to keep disappointing you like this."

there's a hidden weight to his words that you pick up on. it's apparent that he's not telling you something, but it's not like you can just pry it out of him. he's barely listening to you as it is. you find yourself stuck between being flattered that he cares so much and worried that he'll truly never forgive himself for this. what can you do to convince him that you're not mad?

kazuha's shoulders tense and you can see color faintly rising to his cheeks. "and i was going to ask you..." he pauses for a second to look at you. "...something important, but i'm worried that i shouldn't. that i don't deserve to."

...you knew it. you fucking knew it! you see the way he's looking at you — he was totally going to ask you to be his partner. the problem now though, is that he's probably not going to. he's kicking himself while he's down, ruining your relationship before you even had a chance to form one.

it's not hard to see things his way. he's worried that he can't guarantee that he'll be able to confidently make time for you without interruption. it's a legitimate concern — who doesn't worry about this kind of thing? what he needs to hear now is not that everything's okay, but rather that it will be; that you're content with any mistakes he may make; that you're more than willing to take him as he is, urgent issues and all.

again, you knock your fingers on his. this time, you hook two of your fingers on his. "ask me." you tell him.

kazuha frowns slightly. "i don't..."

"do you still want to ask?"

"of course." he pauses to squints at you. "you already know what it is i'm going to ask you, don't you?"

you bite back a grin. "maybe i do, maybe i don't. ask me anyways."

a smile ghosts across his face as his cheeks redden just a little bit more. "i was going to ask if you wanted to... make our relationship official." he looks down at your joined fingers before looking back at you. "and it would mean the world to me if you said—"

"yes."

kazuha takes your hand fully. "i had a feeling you would say that." it's evident in the way he visibly softens and in the way he sighs that he's pleased with your answer (although 'pleased' is far too light a word to describe the pure, raw happiness that overtook his face). maybe you're going crazy, but you think that something akin to love flashes in his eyes. it overwhelms you. he takes your hand fully in his and you feel your own face start to warm just from looking at him.

"i was always going to say yes," you say when you manage to find your voice. "i want to be with you, kazuha."

his expression dims. did you say something wrong? "i want to be with you too," he says as he brings your hand up to cup his face. "but as i said, i may be a disappointment to you. i don't want to hurt you in any way, even if it's by accident."

you brush your thumb over his skin. it's warm to the touch. "you won't hurt me," you say softly. "and a little disappointment won't be the end of the world."

kazuha regards you closely. he looks like he's trying to be at peace with your hand on his face, but the draw in his brows gives away his internal conflict. for a second, you wonder if you're coming off too strong. you like kazuha a lot (it's probably too soon to say the big L word, but it surely doesn't scare you), but you're always afraid that you're either giving too much of yourself, or not enough. your insistence on dating him may be more repulsive than attractive.

"i like you," he suddenly murmurs, "so much."

your chest feels tight and you feel breathless. why did he suddenly say that? "i like you, too," you reply.

kazuha leans in and presses his forehead against yours. you hold your breath as his eyes slip shut. he seems so at peace at this distance, unlike you, who's trying to swallow back your heart that suddenly leaped into your throat. "i'd like to be yours," he says in the space between. "if you'll have me, that is."

you feel so dizzy, so drunk on your giddy emotions. this isn't how you saw tonight playing out at all, but you're not going to complain. "of course," you breathe your response. your voice trembles just a little, giving away your nervousness. "you're all i want."

at that, kazuha kisses you. it's slow and sweet, and also — if memory serves you right — the fifth time he's kissed you. if life were a cartoon, you would probably flushed bright red, lovestruck and dumb; a fool for the man before you. it takes you a second to kiss him back — he pulls away for just a moment but you capture his lips again and drink in the content sigh he rewards you with. this is different from the kisses you've shared before. the others were reserved and almost timid, hesitant kisses shared at the beginning of a new relationship. this kiss becomes intoxicating and gratifying — one you find yourself quickly getting addicted to.

believe it or not though, it's you who pulls away first, your heart stuttering in your chest. you don't go very far, but you turn your head away to try and retain some of your sanity. it's obvious that what you said had quite the effect on kazuha; his fingers come to your jaw and move you gently so that you're facing him again, but he doesn't close the gap. there's another silence before he kisses you once, then twice, before he pulls away and sighs. "if there's anything that i can do to make up for tonight," he says, "tell me. i'll do anything."

there's only one thing you can think of saying. "stay with me tonight." the words come out easily — maybe a little too easily. you fluster and your face heats up considerably as you start to ramble. "i-i mean, um... it's gonna be pouring all night and you clearly don't have an umbrella so i mean, i think you should stay. if you want to, then of course you can stay, but you can say no — i just don't want you to catch a cold, y'know..."

kazuha says nothing; he watches you with thinly veiled amusement in his eyes. "would me staying the night make you happy?"

you groan quietly. "stop enjoying this. you know the answer already."

"i do, i do. you're just really cute when you're embarrassed."

"you know what? forget it. i'm gonna go check on your clothes." you stand abruptly to escape your discomfort, but kazuha takes your hand in his, stopping you with a laugh.

"i'm sorry, dove, i'm sorry." he chuckles as he speaks. he stands and pulls you in by your waist. "i'll stay the night. does that sound good?"

you rest your hands on his shoulders poised to push him away, but think against it. your heart is hammering in your chest. it's hard to be mad at him when he's smiling like that, even if it's at your expense. asking him to stay was a spur of the moment decision, but when you look at him like this, up close, you know that you would've had a hard time letting him go. so... "yeah," you mutter. "sounds good. now will you please let me go and check on your clothes?"

he hums and leans in. his voice is barely above a murmur when he speaks. "one more thing." and for (what you think is) the eighth time since you've started seeing each other, kazuha kisses you, sending pleasure rocketing through your system. it drags on despite you trying to pull away, what with kazuha chasing after your lips with a mischievous smile the entire time.

eventually, you get fed up and hold his face. "knock it off, you." you say once you successfully pull away. "i have things to do."

kazuha, who looks far brighter than he was earlier, lets you go and raises his hands in mock surrender. "alright, alright. go on. i'll be here; i promise."

you open your mouth to say something snide, but quickly shut it. you're floored by just how happy he makes you, even if he can be annoying from time to time. perhaps it's because you're technically in the honeymoon phase, but you know for a fact that his smile is one you'd do anything to protect. becoming his partner is a decision you know you'll never, ever regret, and you're sure of that.

you turn on your heel and start towards the laundry room. "don't miss me too much!" you call over your shoulder. kazuha's quiet laughter follows you out of the room, warming your heart.

✦ [screaming and crying]

✦ I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH KAZUHA WITHDRAWALS FOR DAYS AND THAT'S WHY THERE'S SO MANY KISSES, I'M SO SORRY I'M SUCH A PATHETIC BITCHNDBSDJ

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kazewhara · 2 years

Text

be still, my heart.

# — pairing: kazuha x gn!reader

# — characters: gender neutral reader, kazuha, lumine, aether

# — summary: you're not really cut out for this whole "matchmaker" deal.

# — warnings: n/a

# — tags: long fic (~9k words), 3+1 format, fluff, angst, misunderstandings, hurt/comfort, (failed) matchmaking, aether & lumine are your best friends

# — notes: finally, finally, finally! i finished a commission! thank you so, so much again to the commissioner; your support means so, so much to me, especially at a time like this. i had a lot of fun writing this :D reblogs and reactions are greatly appreciated, and i really hope you all enjoy! 🥰

wanna join the tag list?

"hey! do you mind if i sit here?"

in hindsight, you should've known right away that that was a stupid question to ask. the café is far from crowded at this time of day. there's a smattering of people sitting at tables and all of them are alone, and there's still an empty table here and there. if you were going to be subtle about wanting to sit near this guy, you should have chosen, say, the empty seat behind him. but thank your lucky stars; the man is kind enough to smile back at you and gesture to the seat across from him.

alright. one foot in the door.

the guy in question is none other than kaedehara kazuha, the english major who's famous for his insightful poetry and exceptional grades. everyone loves this guy, even professors outside of his department. he's not the most social, but he's open to anyone and everyone who happens across him, and it would appear that you are a part of that as well. it's a good thing, too — if he'd secretly been an asshole, you'd have turned tail immediately. of course, that'd only make you look more suspicious than you already do, but that's besides the point.

when you say that everyone loves kazuha, you mean everyone — and that includes your best friend lumine. it just so happens that kazuha is also the object of many people's affections — the perks of being popular, you figure. it came as a real shock to you that lumine was interested in him of all people; you could've sworn she was head over heels for ayaka, the endearing political science and dance double major that she spends a lot of time with. but instead, lumine came to you out of the blue one evening gushing about kazuha.

"wait, wait, wait. are you telling me that you have a crush on him?" you closed your book to gape at lumine, who was sitting across from you with her chin propped in her hand.

lumine nodded. "yeah. what, is that weird or something?"

you raised an eyebrow. "very." you stood up and circled the table to eye her closely. lumine watched you the entire time, her eyes curious. "did you get hurt anywhere? hit your head or something?"

"oh my god, you're ridiculous." lumine pushed you away lightly. "i just think he's... dreamy..?"

"you don't sound too sure about that."

"fuck off, you know i'm not good with this sort of thing." lumine flipped you off. "but you know who is? kazuha." when you scoffed and sat back in your seat, she sighed. "would you stop being an asshole and help me out?"

you opened your book and skimmed the words. "what now? are you gonna tell me to set you up with him or something?" when lumine didn't answer for a few seconds, you froze. you looked up at her with mild horror. "ohh no. fuck no, i am not playing matchmaker. do it yourself."

lumine didn't answer you at that. you knew very well why she didn't do these things herself. you're aware of her reputation on campus; she's not exactly the most popular, but those who do know her know that she can appear rather callous at times. lumine's rough exterior made it difficult for her to branch out, which was probably why she was asking you to begin with. once it occurred to you, you groaned. "fine." you conceded. "but you're doing all the hard work."

lumine's face brightened into a smile you don't think you've ever seen her wear before. "you're the best." she reached across the table and tapped your hand. "seriously."

meanwhile, you'd already started dreading the first interaction you were supposed to have with kazuha. "yeah, yeah," you muttered. "whatever."

because at the end of the day, who are you to question lumine? she's been by your side through thick and thin ever since middle school. she's got your back and you've got hers (and her brother's). you'd do just about anything for her if she asked, no matter how ridiculous it seems. although, you think as you settle in your new seat, this is pretty fucking ridiculous. playing matchmaker is stupid, especially for a guy like kazuha, who has probably had this kind of thing happen to him before. you can only hope that that's not the case.

you pull out a notebook and a pen to start idly writing when you notice that in front of you, kazuha's closed his book. when you look up, you see that he's actually staring at you. what for? "is something wrong?" you ask. "i can move if you want me to; i didn't mean to disturb you."

kazuha shakes his head, his platinum bangs brushing over his forehead. he has a streak of crimson in his hair, you notice. it's kind of cute. in fact, now that you're really looking at him, you can really see why people are so drawn to him. he's very attractive with his kind eyes and almost serene expression. you see his lips moving then and realize that he must have been saying something for a while. shit, were you checking him out just now? did he notice? it's not until his lips stop moving that you realize that you have no idea what he just said. "i'm sorry, i, uh... really should've got some coffee before i sat down. can you say that again?" you give him an apologetic smile in hopes that it'll make him forget that you obviously weren't listening just now.

kazuha actually smiles then. it seems like he's always doing that, really. your ears start to burn; he probably thinks you're ridiculous. "that's alright." he tilts his head to the side slightly and says your name. when you raise your brows, his smile grows. "i figured my guess was correct. you're friends with lumine, aren't you?"

oh, right! duh! how did you already forget your goal? stupid pretty boy and his stupid face. "ah, yeah," you reply. "she's my roommate too, actually."

"i see." kazuha pushes his book to the side and you follow the movement. is he trying to start conversation? this wasn't exactly how you saw this playing out, but hey, that saves you the trouble of coming up with a topic. "how long have you two known each other?"

perfect. you've got him hook, line, and sinker. with lumine as the topic of conversation, you'll have him smitten with her in no time. "since middle school," you say with a smile. "she and aether moved into the house beside mine and my mother tasked me with befriending them. the rest is history, i suppose."

kazuha looks endeared. "the two of them must have been a handful, no?"

you don't miss the playfulness in his tone. yeah, you can really see why people like him. you weren't exactly supposed to get caught in his little web, but here you were, charmed by the guy anyway. at kazuha's request, you divulge a few stories about your history with lumine. you cherry pick stories that are centered around her and leave out the more embarrassing parts (which is difficult since you guys were some embarrassing kids); when this is over, she better love you for talking her up like this.

at some point, kazuha excuses himself for a moment. while you wait, you pull out your phone and text the group chat that you have with lumine and aether.

[ me ]: you owe me your soul after this, bitch

[ lulu☆]: oh my god, did you actually find and talk to him

[ lulu☆]: i didn't think you'd actually do it, help

[ me ]: you asked, didn't you? and i said i would, so

[ lulu☆]: that's not

[ lulu☆]: well..

[ lulu☆]: okay look what did you tell him

[ me ]: don't worry, i didn't embarrass you

[ me ]: ...yet

[ aefer☆]: did you tell him about the time she nearly shit herself because a cat fell out a tree on her head

[ aefer☆]: cause that's funny

[ me ]: shit u're right, i should've mentioned that

[ me ]: but no.. i had to talk her up to impress him

[ aefer☆]: i would've told him. just sayin

[ lulu☆]: i know where you live, bitch

[ aefer☆]: what a coincidence, so do i

[ me ]: okay he's coming back, later losers ♡

[ aefer☆]: make sure to tell him the story!!

you chuckle at your phone before you put it away. when you look up, kazuha is seated in front of you with two cups on the table; one looks to be coffee, while the other seems to be tea — green tea from the smell of it. you blink in surprise and open your mouth, but before you can ask, kazuha explains: "you said you needed coffee and it just so happens that i needed a pick-me-up as well." he gestures to the coffee and gently eases it towards you. "so i took the liberty of getting some for you."

you shake your head quickly. you weren't supposed to be indebted to him! "y-you really shouldn't have!"

kazuha's expression falls a little and you swear you feel your heart tug. "was that too forward of me? my apologies, i..."

fuck, you can't have him looking so downcast. you try to cover up your flustered state with a grateful smile. "no, no, i mean-- thank you, really, but you're too kind. how much was it? at least let me pay you back."

"there's no need," he says. "i got it because i wanted to. and what better need to celebrate a new friend than over a drink they enjoy?"

you blink twice. once because you're surprised he considers you a friend already, and twice because if you're not mistaken, kazuha looks... sheepish. you stare at him just a moment longer and this time it's him who breaks eye contact as he moves to sip from his tea. confused, you drink from the coffee he got for you. the second the flavor hits your tongue, you make a noise of surprise. "this is.." you mutter.

"ah." kazuha sets down his own drink. "i'm sorry, i forgot to explain. i wasn't quite sure how you took your coffee, so i guessed. it's not bad, is it?" he actually looks worried. "should i take it back for you?"

"no, no, it's not bad, it's..." it's perfect, you think. this is exactly how you order your coffee every time. how did he guess this well? your order isn't exactly standard; it would take some serious thinking to get it down to a T. "it's great," you finish your sentence. "thank you so much."

relief settles on kazuha's face. "that's good." he sets his tea aside and keeps his attention on you. "would it be too forward of me to ask if you have any more stories to share? they're quite interesting."

right. shit. you're here to play matchmaker. this is the second time you've forgotten your goal. you put your coffee to the side and launch into another story that you'd thankfully lined up in case he wanted to keep the conversation going. kazuha listens attentively; his eyes are on you the entire time and his usual smile grows wider each time you giggle when you remember something funny.

he's very easy to talk to, you think. you wouldn't mind doing this over and over. this is a win-win situation for you and lumine; she'll get a boyfriend, and you'll have a new friend.

(you won't realize it just yet, but the skip in your pulse each time kazuha laughs is far from platonic.)

ii.

it's nice to have a new addition to the group — really, it is — but does he really need to be invited everywhere?

lately, whenever you, aether, and lumine go out as a trio, kazuha ends up receiving an invite as well. sometimes he gets the invite from you, but every other time, it seems to be coming from lumine. it's a little irritating, honestly. not because kazuha is annoying, no — he's the furthest thing from it. if anything, he's the most soothing person you've ever known (amongst other things). no, what's annoying is that lumine seems to be taking charge of this whole matchmaking thing herself, which leaves you without an objective. because really, if she's gonna make sure he's around all the time, then what did she have you get involved for?

take now, for example. the four of you are in an arcade celebrating the end of midterm season, and when you entered, you decided that you'd be split into pairs — you with aether, and lumine with kazuha. you and aether complained when lumine suggested bringing kazuha along on the grounds that the two of you would be third wheeling. so she suggested splitting into groups.

for some reason, the initial pairing put you with kazuha. not like you're one to complain — you love the time you spend with him. but seeing as how you spend a couple hours every day chatting him up in that café, you think you can do without him for a few hours today. you said as much when the first pairs were decided on.

"aw, you'll hurt his feelings!" aether said with a chuckle. "don't you wanna be around your new friend for a while?"

before you spoke, you stole a peek at kazuha who looked... a little hurt. you thought you were imagining it since he was smiling along with the joke, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. regret started to claw at your throat and you tried to take it back, but kazuha spoke before you could.

"i'm more than happy to spend time with lumine," he said. "we don't spend much time together as it is."

your fingers slow to a stop on the game you're playing. do kazuha and lumine really not spend time together? that was the whole reason you spent time with him — to get him more motivated to speak to her in the first place. was he still too shy to speak to her? no, you think as you pick up the game. he wouldn't have jumped at the opportunity to be with her tonight if he was really shy. besides, shy just isn't kazuha's character; he has moments where he's a little hesitant, but he's certainly not the shy type.

then why weren't they together more often? you feel confused for a moment, but then it hits you — you've been taking up kazuha's time, not her.

there's no reason why you should be in that café for so long with kazuha. your mission was simple: get him interested in lumine, get them to hang out, and then watch the rest unfold. but instead, you've been hogging all his time, talking about topics that had nothing to do with this whole matchmaking situation to begin with.

you swear lowly when your character dies on screen. if anyone is to blame for the lack of progress being made, it's kazuha. he's the one who's always asking off-topic questions when you meet up. specifically, he would coax you into talking about yourself somehow. how he does that, you're not sure, but you hate it. he's making this difficult!

oh, your mind just can't stop running. kazuha's making everything so complicated! why did he look so dejected when he said you wanted to hang with someone else? why does he want to know so much about you? why does he smile so brightly when he sees you in passing? why isn't he sticking to lumine's side? is he even going to make a move? is that why he jumped at the chance to do so today? why didn't he do so earlier, and why in the fuck does your chest hurt right now?!

"if you hold the controls any harder, i think they're gonna break."

aether's voice suddenly appears to your left, startling you. you let go of the controls in your shock and soon after, a fluorescent red 'game over' appears on the screen. you glare at him and punch his arm. "you asshole, you made me lose the game." you hiss.

aether's lips curve into a cheeky smile. "actually, you were already losing. you kinda suck at this game."

"i don't, i just..." you sigh and look at the screen. "i was just thinking about something else."

"now are you making an excuse, or were you really distracted this whole time?" aether asks. when you struggle to come up with a response, he rests a hand on your shoulder. you don't look at him, though. you're too busy trying to figure out why your throat feels like it's closing. aether calls your name once, then twice. you still don't answer. just when you think he's given up, he drapes an arm over your shoulder and pulls you to him. "how about we go get something to drink?" he finally suggests. "it's been a while."

you look at him and for a split second notice how blurry he is. you blink a few times and it goes away. weird. you still can't really form words, so you nod and allow aether to whisk you away from your game.

once you're seated with your drink, you let your mind go off the rails. why does the thought of kazuha asking lumine out bother you so much? that's literally why you became friends with him in the first place, no? you're supposed to be relieved — once they start dating, you can wash your hands of this whole ordeal and be on your merry way. at least, that's the plan... right?

"we came out here to stop thinking," aether speaks up. "but you look like you're still studying. what're you thinking so hard about?"

you open your mouth to explain yourself but quickly shut it. you can't just tell lumine's brother that you're having second thoughts about getting her a boyfriend! best friends or not, his first priority is his sister's happiness; if you back out, you'll definitely have to face aether's wrath later. yet still, you want nothing more than to unload these confusing emotions onto aether's shoulders — you need to explain yourself or else you feel like you're going to pop.

you feel crazy. are you crazy? you think you're going crazy. and dammit, why does your throat still feel so tight?

after a few seconds pass, you decide to bite the bullet. you hate to toss aether in the middle like this, but who else are you going to tell this to? kazuha? yeah, fuck that. "it's... about kazuha." you rasp. you take a sip of your drink.

for some reason, aether sits up a bit straighter. you don't recognize the look he's giving you. maybe intrigued is the right word? "yeah?" he leans his chin in his hand. "what about him?"

"i think... i think i fucked up somewhere." you feel a little lighter now that you've gotten that out. that's the heart of the problem... you think.

"how? he's spending time with lumine, isn't he?"

"yeah, now he is. didn't you hear him earlier? he said that they didn't spend much time together."

"aaaand..?"

"what do you mean and? they're supposed to be together all the time!" you scoff. "i tell him about her like, every day, and yet they're still so stiff around each other whenever we all meet up!" a thought occurs to you, then. the four of you hung out all the time, but each time, you were in a group. "wait, do they never actually hang out outside of our outings?"

aether's frowning a little at you. surely he understands what you're talking about, right? "you think that that's weird?" he asks.

you throw your hands up in frustration. "yes, that's weird! god, why am i even doing this if he's just gonna hang out with me instead of--" you shut your mouth.

intrusive thoughts are funny little things. soft as they may be, they leave ripples in your mind. and those ripples grow bigger and bigger as they spread, reaching the far corners of your brain until they become all you can think about. yours are pretty out there: what if i tripped and fell right now? or what if i'm reading the stop signal wrong and i walk into traffic by accident? they make you reconsider your every move, make you see reality in a different light. these particular thoughts, however, send you spiraling.

what if kazuha likes me? becomes: what if i like kazuha? which eventually turns into: i do like kazuha.

"oh." you mumble. "shit."

"i feel like you just had a revelation without me, and i'm feeling very out of the loop right now." aether gestures between the two of you. "are we on the same page right now?"

"god, i hope not." you groan and push your face into your hands. this is the fucking worst. it's supposed to be the worst, anyway — for some reason, you feel the urge to smile. feelings are strange like that, huh? you realize that you have a big crush on the guy you're supposed to be setting your best friend up with and yet you want to smile — you want to take a breath of fresh air, like this is a good thing. "aether, i'm a horrible fucking person." you laugh derisively. "the fucking worst."

aether, who'd been sitting across from you this whole time, moves to sit next to you. when you finally look at him, you see that he's frowning, his face marred by confusion and worry. "as much as we like to joke about it, i can't read your mind. you need to tell me what's up."

"...promise you won't hate me?"

"why would i ever?" aether looks at you like you slapped him. dork.

you smile, but it doesn't last very long. "i just, uh... realized something."

"would you quit being suspenseful and get to the point?"

fine. you decide to let it all out. "i like kazuha, aether. there. i like him a fucking lot. he's really pretty and he's kind, he spends time with me every day, even when he's busy; he holds my hand sometimes when we talk and i swear, i feel like i can fucking fly whenever he does, and i..." you take a deep breath. "i'm a fucking moron because i'm letting down lumine. she's supposed to be with him, not me. i have to let this go."

aether's silent. you feel your throat tighten up again and immediately recognize the feeling — you want to fucking cry, dammit. you're a terrible fucking friend, and that's exactly what aether's about to say--

"you need to tell her," he says seriously. "and you need to do it now before things get worse."

that's... not the reaction you were expecting. "aren't you mad at me? i-i'm supposed to be helping out your sister but i'm--"

"falling in love." aether finishes for you. you try to deny it, but he's not hearing it. "trust me, it'll get to that point soon enough. you can't wait until then -- you have to say something. please," he implores you, "for your own good."

you want to say that you shouldn't do anything to benefit yourself, not when you've fucked up so majorly, but you hold your tongue. you really don't know what to do now. how are you supposed to look kazuha in the face after this? you were always enjoying yourself when you were around him, but now you understand that you enjoyed yourself far too much. he's supposed to be with lumine and he's--

a sudden call of your name has you snapping your head up. in front of you is none other than kazuha and lumine.

speak of the fucking devil and he will appear.

the two of them are wearing matching smiles and carrying four plushies from the prize counter. they look so... happy. all at once, you cram your raging emotions into a box and shove them into the furthest corner of your mind. that can wait -- what's important now is these two lovebirds and the rest of the evening. you ease away from aether and sit up straighter, plastering a friendly smile on your face. "did you two kids have fun?" you ask.

(beside you, aether's frown deepens.)

"i learned quite a few things while playing with lumine tonight." kazuha is the first to speak. he adjusts the two plushies in his arms and looks over to lumine. "the most important thing being that she's amazing at video games."

lumine sniffs proudly. "he's the one who didn't believe me when i said i would kick his ass at anything we tried. aether and i used to play games like these all the time when we were kids. but," she nudges kazuha's shoulder affectionately, "you put up a good fight. i respect the effort, but better luck next time."

"i'll keep that in mind." kazuha chuckles.

next time, he said. there's going to be a next time. they're going to go on a date. you giggle softly despite yourself. now's not the time. not when they look so happy. you feel aether pinch your arm, but you swat him away subtly. "that's good to hear." you say. "is there something else you guys wanna do tonight?" you hold your breath, hoping they say no.

fortunately (or unfortunately), aether cuts in. "actually, lumine, wait." he doesn't say anything else after that, but judging by lumine's expression, you wonder if they're doing that twin communication thing. you've always wondered what that's like, having another half. aether and lumine are always sharing information over everyone's heads -- sometimes, you wish they'd include you.

lumine nods after a second. they must have finished their psychic conversation. "actually, aether and i have to head back." she shrugs one shoulder. "something came up."

kazuha's brows knit with concern. "is everything alright?"

"yeah, aether has to take a shit or something. i don't know." lumine is suddenly hit in the face with a wadded up napkin while you poorly stifle a laugh. she doesn't retaliate the same way she normally would, but she does shoot aether a glare that could probably melt steel beams. "anyway," she smooths her expression over and looks straight at you. "are you two gonna be okay alone? because this is kind of urgent."

wait. shit. fuck, no, no, no! she can't leave you with kazuha! why is she trying to leave you with kazuha?!

words fail you in this moment; you open and close your mouth a few times as you struggle to find the right words. there's so much going on in your head; you could say yes and have some alone time with kazuha, but lumine is supposed to be the one having alone time with kazuha, not you! if you say no, then kazuha might look like a kicked puppy again, and you don't want to see him looking so sad, dammit! but then again, if you say yes, you could interrogate him and find out why he and lumine haven't hung out often, right? but--

"we should be fine." kazuha speaks before you can, leaving you floored. "i'll see them home when we're finished here."

well, there goes your internal conflict. it's too late to back out now. you put on a brave face and hope that neither lumine nor aether can see through it. "i'll see if i can keep that winning streak for you, lumine." you say.

kazuha chuckles quietly. "is that a challenge i hear?"

god... damn him. "it sure is." you play along and give him a grin.

all your years of friendship must have meant nothing, because lumine doesn't pick up on your silent distress signals. she and aether say quick goodbyes before turning and heading home, leaving you with kazuha. once the twins are gone, you hop to your feet. since there's no one here to save you, you may as well dive in head first. "so," you say with a sigh, "which game do you want to play first?"

rather than suggest a game, kazuha shakes his head. "we don't have to play a game if you don't want to." like always, he tilts his head to the side just a little. he's so endearing. "you don't seem like you want to play anymore. am i correct?"

"i..." you deflate a little. "yeah, you're right. i'm sorry. i don't want to bore you or anything, but i just don't have it in me anymore."

thankfully, kazuha doesn't pry. he pushes one of the plushies in your direction. you'd actually forgotten he was holding it. it's a little penguin with a frog hat on — absolutely adorable. the other penguin that he's holding has a dinosaur hat. were they a matching set?

you don't take the plushy right away, which prompts kazuha to speak. he shifts his stance a little bit and... maybe it's just the trick of the light — it is quite dark in here — but you think you can see his cheeks turning color. "this is for you," he says. in an uncharacteristic moment of shyness, he suddenly backtracks. "only if you want it, of course. i won't push it on you, but... i figured that you might like it."

you blink a few times. you kick yourself and reach out to take the penguin — it's soft to the touch and the perfect size for hugging. you hold the thing gingerly in your arms and stare at it for a moment. did he really get this for you? or did he get this for lumine? maybe she didn't want it and that's why he's giving it to you; yeah, that has to be it. but just to be sure, you look up at kazuha, hoping you're not smiling as widely as you think you are. "you really didn't have to. why're you so nice to me, huh?"

you foolishly asked that as a joke, but this time, you're absolutely sure kazuha's face starts to redden. it's hidden by the lights of the games around you, but even in this dim lighting, you know what you saw. he doesn't look too fazed by it, though. "must there be a reason?" he asks in return.

you know what? no. some things are better left unexplained. you shake your head and hug the penguin close. "thank you, kazuha." you think you're going to explode. "really. i love it."

"i'm glad," kazuha says. and boy, does he look the part. the relief on his face is palpable. for someone with such an even expression, he sure is easy to read when he's nervous. what he's nervous about, you have no idea. but he's also really fucking cute. he shifts on his feet and breaks eye contact after a beat of silence. "why don't we get you home?" he suggests. "it's probably late at night."

ah. well, there goes your excitement. he just wants to get rid of you now, huh? for someone who's not supposed to like him, you sure do have pretty intense mood swings when he's involved. you agree and the two of you head outside and start towards your home.

the walk home is slow and silent, and kazuha's walking close by your side. you'd think of something to say, but it's a very comfortable silence — with you hugging the plushie that he got for you in one arm, you don't see any reason to speak. it's not like this is abnormal, anyway; he's seen you home many times before. you hazard a glance at kazuha after a moment to find scarlet eyes already focused on you. you look away in a hurry, as does he. weird.

even weirder still, you feel kazuha's fingers knock against yours. are you two really walking that close together? you flinch away from his touch like he'd burned you. "i'm sorry." he apologizes right away.

"no, it's okay." you reassure him. to make him believe you, you put your hand back where it was. it's not until you do that you realize that that wasn't the first time your hands have touched. you soon find that that wasn't the last, either; once more, kazuha's fingers knock against yours. you don't move away this time, instead opting to knock back. you swear you can hear him chuckle when you do, but maybe you're just imagining things.

a few more seconds pass and you feel kazuha's fingers intertwining with yours, and for a second, your mind completely stops. tonight was moving so fast — first you realize that you're a goner for kazuha, then he gifts you a plushie, and then he's holding your hand? what is happening right now? and why aren't you pulling away?

you should pull away, you have to, but... you can't bring yourself to. your fingers lock with kazuha's one by one until eventually, you're completely holding his hand. he's so warm, you think. he always is. the walk home remains silent, and you and kazuha exchange playful squeezes every so often.

(to make yourself feel better, you tell yourself that this is just you training him for when he starts dating lumine. maybe that will ease your conscience.)

iii.

so you're in love with kazuha. big fucking surprise there.

you quickly realized that you were doomed from the moment you met. not that it was love at first sight, but he charmed you right away. he was the one who had you hook, line, and sinker from the very start. it doesn't help that he became a permanent addition to your friend group; you're forced to face him and your feelings just about every single day. you're reminded every day of how much of a weakling you are when it comes to him. you hold his hand, you share food with him, you sleep with the plushie he gave you, you borrow his sweaters... you're a fucking mess.

it's agonizing. you were supposed to be helping lumine and kazuha get together, but you grew too greedy and inserted yourself into a position that wasn't meant for you. you try every day to rationalize with yourself and aay that the two of you are just really close friends, but friends don't think about each other the way you think about him. even worse was that you couldn't tell lumine about it — the only person who knew of your feelings was aether, and he gave you shit about it whenever he could.

come clean, he says. stop lying to yourself, he says. to that, you have to laugh. if it were that easy to rid yourself of this situation, you would've done it months ago.

there's only one solution to this problem, and that's to avoid kazuha like the plague.

it makes sense, right? just ignore it until it goes away? because there's no other way for you to get over this. you're starting to dream about kazuha; about kissing him, about holding him in your arms, about being with him. so maybe if you see him less, the thoughts will go away.

it starts with you not going to the café anymore. when kazuha texted you and asked why you hadn't been showing up, you brushed it off with a lie, saying that you found a place with better coffee. he asked what the place was called, but you left him on read. (a very adult move.)

then, you stopped making eye contact whenever you passed by him. it was hard for a few days since you missed seeing his eyes light up whenever he saw you, but you had to be strong. you're better than this, dammit. don't think about how dejected he might look when he realizes that you're avoiding him — don't you do it!

after that, you stopped going out with the twins if kazuha was going. every time they suggest something, your first question is if he is going to be there. if the answer is yes, you make up an excuse to stay home. lumine was really fucking upset with you for bailing because of some petty argument that she thought you two had, but when she pieced it together that you weren't going to budge, she gave up trying. (man, you wish it was just some argument — disputes can be solved. not feelings.)

lastly, you straight up walked away from him if he approached you. you wouldn't just ignore his presence, of course — you're an asshole, not a monster — but if he tried to make conversation, you would cut it short and hightail it out of there.

"it's been a few weeks since we've talked." kazuha sounded so pleased when he managed to stop you one day. you didn't know why you let him catch up to you, but once he got to you, you couldn't just up and leave. so you decided to hear him out. "have you been well?"

no, you wanted to say. not in the fucking slightest. but you're grown — fake it 'till you make it, baby. you nodded and gave him your best smile. "yeah. better than usual, actually."

you watched kazuha's face fall ever so slightly. he was quick to fix his mistake; his usual smile returned to his face in an instant. if you were anyone else, you wouldn't have noticed. but you noticed. you'll always notice. "i see." he said. "that's good to hear."

because you didn't want to be subject to his quickly declining mood, you excused yourself. "i gotta run, but i'll see you some other time, okay?" you said. (like a liar.)

anyone could have seen the glimmer of hope that appeared in kazuha's eyes. "of course. be safe, please." he gave you a little wave as you took off.

after about three weeks of not seeing kazuha, you think yourself to be cured. huzzah, it worked! sure, you're still daydreaming about him, but it's not as vivid if you can't see him every day! he hasn't texted you or approached you outside in a couple days which, admittedly, stung like hell, but it's for the better. kazuha can focus on lumine without you in the way, and you can move on with your life.

you spend most of your time in the library these days. lumine's been super pissed at you lately — probably because of the whole kazuha thing, but you're not sure why she wants you to spend time with him so badly. to avoid potential conflict, you hole yourself up in here. being surrounded by books (reminds you of kazuha) makes you feel at peace; it's so quiet in here, which makes it easy to focus on work (which in turn helps you stop thinking about kazuha).

the library is empty today, save for a few people seated at the tables on the other side of the building. you're standing in front of a bookshelf skimming through a book when you suddenly hear a soft whisper of your name. thinking it's aether, you prepare a shitty excuse for why you're not home, but when you see who it is, your blood goes cold.

it's kazuha. you haven't seen him in three whole weeks.

you swallow back your apprehension as best you can. "hey, what's up?" you try to remain as casual as possible. "do you need one of the books behind me?"

kazuha's brows draw in a little. "are you asking that so you can make your escape?" his comment is a little pointed — so pointed, in fact, that you visibly wince and give yourself away. he sighs when you do. "i was hoping that i wouldn't be correct. have i done something wrong?"

that's just like him — straight to the point. you flounder for an answer. "of course not." you shake your head.

"then is it alright if i ask why you've been avoiding me?"

"what? why would i do that?" your eyes slowly drift to the side. you're not too fond of all the attention you're getting right now.

"you can never make eye contact when you're hiding something." kazuha walks closer to you, but you keep your eyes on something else. "you won't even look at me. i must have done something to cause this."

no, no, no, he's blaming himself! stop him! you force yourself to make eye contact with him, but wither under his stare. you look away again and your face starts to grow hot. "you didn't do anything, kazuha," you say honestly. "i promise. "i've just been busy, that's all."

kazuha doesn't back down. "i've heard from lumine that you've been spending time here instead of at your home. she's worried about you. she-- i'm worried about you."

"don't do that," you blurt. you're starting to breathe a little faster, you notice. "stop worrying about me. you shouldn't." kazuha starts to retort, but you cut him off with a shake of your head. you turn around and put the book back in it's place. "look, i need to go. please move."

you never wanted to be so forceful with him — so cold. but what else can you do when cornered like this? he's desperate and you can tell, but so are you. you don't want to confront your feelings anymore. you just can't. you're tired of feeling like a shitty person for being in love. this is the only way you can make it stop.

kazuha doesn't make it easy for you, though. when you try to move away, he steps closer, invading your space. "if there's something wrong, you would tell me, right?" his voice is so soft, so mellow. it's like a hug, which you could really use right about now. normally, you'd get that from kazuha, but well... you don't answer him, nor do you look at him. kazuha then takes your chin in his fingers and gently makes you face him. "would you please look at me?"

your eyes land on him and it's like the world's faded away. there's so much rolling off of him at once; unease, comfort, and suspicion all hit you at the same time, and it overwhelms you. you don't like how tender this moment feels. he's so close — too close. you can smell maple and cedar, and not because you're wearing his sweater (which you didn't realize until just now). autumnal eyes threaten to take you under and you feel your eyes start to sting. "kazuha, let go." your voice wavers and your heart throbs. "please."

you wish you could read his mind. his eyes search your face, though you're not sure what for. the seconds of silence that tick by are excruciating, but when they finally come to an end, kazuha lets you go. his hand falls to his side and he steps away with a bitter smile. "i'm sorry. i fear i may have made the problem worse."

that's putting it lightly. you step around him wordlessly, but before you can get too far, kazuha catches your hand in his, stopping you. you don't turn around. you can't.

"i miss you." kazuha speaks at a whisper, a volume so low that you shouldn't have been able to hear it. but you heard it. whenever he speaks, you listen with your entire being.

he lets you go after a few more seconds and you take the opportunity to grab what stuff you have and make a beeline for the exit. you fumble for the doorknob on the way out; your vision is too blurred by tears for you to make it out properly. you manage, and you set off towards home, where you're going to ignore lumine yet again and mope in your room.

(and as you cry to yourself that evening, you can only think of the way you saw kazuha's eyes fall to your lips as he held you in place. you think of how badly you wanted to confess everything to him and clear the air for good, but you also remember what you were tasked with. this is for the better, you tell yourself. this is for the better.)

iv.

kazuha should have never agreed to this.

honestly, what was he thinking? why did he allow lumine to play matchmaker? he has two legs and a functioning mouth; he could have walked up to you and started a conversation himself, no problem. things would have been so much easier if he had just swallowed his pride and spoken to you like a normal adult. but no, he just had to go along with this idea.

in retrospect, it seemed like a good idea. but perhaps he's been reading too many novels. meeting through a mutual friend is a lovely concept, but it would appear that it only works in fictional worlds. he'd hoped to just spend time with you through lumine, but somehow, you got the wrong idea and started trying to push him onto her, which made no sense. and not only did it not make sense, but it completely backfired — you're absolutely miserable now and so is he.

kazuha's not an idiot. he knows that you have feelings for him. and the only reason he knows is because you seemingly reciprocated when he approached you romantically. he thought he was being obvious — giving you a plushie, holding your hand, lending you his sweaters, resting his head on your shoulder during movie nights... you accepted it all. he wasn't being subtle at all, right?

so then how? how on earth did things end up like this? he asks lumine as much when they meet up a few mornings later.

"they've been ignoring me too," lumine grumbles, "you aren't special."

right, because that helps. kazuha buries his hand in his hair. "every time i try to talk to them, they manage to slip through my fingers."

lumine frowns at him. "are they actually slipping away, or are you letting them get away?" he must take too long to answer, because she tuts at him. "if this is because you don't want to overwhelm them, then you're being stupid. they're overwhelming themself with this whole... thing, okay?"

but he's too much for you, he wants to say. every time he comes around you, you look about ready to explode. you look so torn, and he hates it. he just wants you to smile at him again. "at the very least, i want to repair our friendship." he sighs. it hurts to even think about keeping you at a distance, but if that's what it takes for you to come back, then... "they cried on their way out of the library the other day."

lumine's expression falls. he's never seen her look so saddened before. "yeah, i heard."

"you heard?"

"our walls may be thick, but our doors aren't." she grimaces. "the sniffing told me all i needed to know."

there's a tense silence. neither of them know what to say because in the end, this is their fault. this whole misunderstanding and your pain? that's on them. if they want to solve this--

"you have to confess." lumine voices kazuha's thoughts out loud. "that's literally the only way this is gonna stop."

while kazuha acknowledges that she's correct, there's two ways that this could go. you would either: a) accept his confession, start dating him, get married someday, and live happily ever after, or b) turn him down and hate him for causing this whole misunderstanding, leaving the two of you to be miserable forever. either way, life as he knows it now is going to end — how it ends is purely up to you.

kazuha agrees to do so and asks lumine for your whereabouts. despite not being on talking terms for a while, she still knows where you are. (it's how we care for each other, she explains.) as he walks, he lets his head fill with thoughts of you.

unsurprisingly, you're all he's been thinking about. you're all he ever thinks about, really. he thinks about the way you tried to hide your joy when he gave you that plushie in the arcade that day; the way you flustered every time he "jokingly" kissed your hand; the way you seemed to melt into his clothes whenever you wore them; the way you seemed to read his mind whenever you couldn't help but stare at him, the way you would smile when he felt warm at having been caught staring back.

he huffs a laugh to himself. it's hilarious how after all that, you still thought that he liked lumine instead of you. honestly; you two have nearly kissed several times, and yet you think he liked someone else? your mind will never cease to amaze him, beautiful and strange as it is.

kazuha comes to a halt under a canopy of trees with bright red leaves. the change in seasons has turned the campus into a beautiful landscape; all of the usual resting spots were less inhabited by others, which made them the perfect escape for people like him. you're seated on a bench underneath those trees with your nose buried in a book and, if he squints, he thinks you're wearing his scarf. you're exactly where lumine said you would be. perfect.

deciding not to wait until his nerves get the best of him, kazuha approaches you and sits a little ways away from you on the bench. right away, he notices the way you go completely still, your shoulders visibly stiffening. he sighs internally. how should he speak in order to not scare you away? it's a miracle you haven't just up and walked off, actually.

"...why are you here, kazuha?" you ask flatly. you sound like you're holding something back. "what do you want?"

"you're not going to leave?" he asks in return.

you shake your head. "i don't see the point in running from you anymore."

so you finally admit that you were running. it'd be humorous if it didn't sting so bad. "you're going to listen to what i have to say?" he asks again for good measure. when you nod again, kazuha takes a steadying breath. he just needs to get it out there. he needs to let you know. it shouldn't be hard — it's not hard. he may as well have told you already with the way he treats you. just say it.

and say it he does. "i'm in love with you."

immediately, you rise to your feet. kazuha balls one hand into a fist as he fights the urge to pull you back down. if you want to leave, then so be it. he told you, and that's all he can do; whether or not you believe him is purely up to you. you stay standing for a while, and he can see you clenching and unclenching your fists over and over, but eventually, you sit back down. you rest your book to the side and put a hand over your eyes.

"are you alright?" kazuha dares to ask.

you laugh humorlessly. "of course not. you're not supposed to like me, kazuha. please don't do this." you start to bounce your leg rapidly. "take it back, or... or something. just don't get my hopes up."

he scoots closer to you cautiously. when you don't back away, he keeps moving until your shoulders are touching. he calls your name softly and you shake your head sharply. "stop saying my name like that. would you stop being so... so nice to me? i'm gonna get the wrong idea."

"you're not getting the wrong idea," kazuha keeps his voice low. "i'm telling you the truth. and the truth is that i'm in love with you." he rests his hand over your free hand on the bench. "is that wrong of me?"

"yes! i mean-- no? ugh, fuck you." you sniff and swipe your hand over your face. kazuha tries to get a good look at you, but you turn your head away, keeping him from doing so.

"i'm in the wrong." you finally say after a while. "i was supposed to-- you and lumine were supposed to be a thing, not-- not us. but i... fuck," you pause for a second to sniff. "i fell in love with you anyways, and i just feel like a terrible person, okay? i ignored you because i wanted to just... stop feeling like shit, i guess. i wanted to forget about you and this stupid deal that i made with lumine and--"

kazuha taps the underside of your chin twice. you take a moment to collect yourself and slowly turn to look at him. "what do you want?" you ask. it's spoken harshly, but there's no bite to your words.

"did you forget?" he asks.

"wh-- no. god, no. i could never." you give him a wry smile. "unfortunately, you're all i think about, so no. you didn't let me forget. thanks for that, by the way."

one more time, kazuha thinks. just one more. "i love you." he says.

your lashes flutter and your face warms. "i love you too, kazuha. but-- mmh--"

that's all kazuha needed to hear. he leans in and kisses you, silencing your thoughts. he hears you sigh into the kiss and you start to kiss back, but he pulls away slightly before you can. "can you say it again?" he murmurs against your lips. "one more time."

your breathing is shaky, but you speak anyways. "i love you."

kazuha kisses you again. "once more, petal. please."

"you're so greedy," you chuckle shakily. "i lov-- mmf--" kazuha kisses you again but you pull back with a laugh. "at least let me finish my sentence--"

"no." kazuha drinks in your laugh when he kisses you this time, his skin singing at the contact. he's wanted to this for so long -- wanted to kiss you silly and hear you laugh. you're all he's wanted this whole time, and he's not going to pass up this opportunity to let you know. each time you try to speak, kazuha kisses you to shut you up. and each time, it makes you smile wider. you kiss until you can't anymore — you're both smiling much too wide.

"do you still think you're not supposed to be with me?" he asks cheekily.

your face doesn't fall at his question. that spark that your eyes held a few weeks prior is back and brighter than before. you look renewed — you're glowing. while basking in your glow, kazuha wonders if he is, too. you lean in and kiss him quick, resting your forehead on his when you pull away. "don't ask stupid questions." you chuckle. "i said i loved you, didn't i?"

kazuha hums. "and i said the same. so what now?"

"i dunno." you sigh and lean away. "we tell lumine, i guess?"

he squeezes your hand. "about us?"

you nod. "about us."

(when you get home and tell her later, she yells: "fucking finally!" and pulls you in for a hug.)

✦ *bows* and that's what i call a job well done.

✦ seriously, i hope you guys liked it 🥰

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kazewhara · 2 years

Text

# — pairing: abyss prince!aether x gn!reader

# — characters: gender neutral reader, abyss prince!aether

# — warnings: n/a

# — tags: fluff, a gentle sprinkle of angst, kissing, zuzu's got a problem

# — notes: i stand before you, my hands in the air, ready to receive punishment for writing about kissing AGAIN. i didn't even title this bitch. ('cause i fuckin' suck at titling.) also, thanks again to hori @kazu-sun for pre-reading this :( <3 anyways, reblogs and reactions are greatly appreciated and i hope you enjoy!

wanna join the tag list?

✧ — ⛅️ — ✧

to the prince of the abyss, kissing you is a reward that he doesn't feel he deserves.

he believes that his hands are too dirty, too unclean to hold you in his arms at all. he's killed people, gods, monsters and more, all to reach a goal that doesn't seem within his reach anymore. your presence in his life is not unwanted, but he does question it often. he mostly keeps the questions to himself so as not to upset you with their frequency, but every day he asks himself how and why you're still by his side when he's... well, him.

the prince's duties keep him apart from you for days on end. for days, he is strategizing and convening with the few people who remain of the homeland. he's pulled hither and thither from one battlefield to the next, leaving a trail of blood in his wake. usually, after two days have passed, he starts to wonder if you're still in the palace. you were permitted to roam the palace grounds as you pleased, but he wonders if you grew tired of waiting and left altogether. he wonders if you encountered a nice adventurer on your travels, one you could truly connect with. the very thought of you finding another sickens him, but if you were happy — if someone was treating you the way you were meant to be treated, then...

aether entertains the thought as he stands outside the entrance to his chambers. he was gone for a week this time. he hesitates, too worried to step inside and find the room empty. out of all of the things that haunt him at night, of all the things that torment him, the fear of losing you is the one that terrifies him the most. he wants to treat you better — it's not like he harms you, but his long absences and short periods of free time must surely be enough to make you want to leave, no? aether heaves a silent sigh and steels himself. if you're gone, then that's the way it has to end. you would be happier elsewhere.

but when he opens the door there, sitting on his bed, is none other than you. your nose had been in a book mere seconds ago, but now you're looking up at him. your eyes brighten with recognition and what aether dimly recognizes as pure, unadulterated joy at the sight of him. he's so confused that he doesn't even register your call of his name — you're just suddenly in front of him, throwing your arms around him and burying your face in his shoulder in a tight embrace. he hugs you back lightly. "you're... still here." he says, dumbfounded.

you look up from his shoulder with disbelief painting your features. "of course i am! where else would i be?" you say nothing as you scan his face. he may be good at keeping his expressions and emotions in check, but it doesn't take you longer than a few seconds to figure out exactly what he's thinking. "aether, i'm not going anywhere." you say firmly. "i'm not leaving you."

why? almost slips out of him. because in the end, he told his sister that when he's finished all that he needs to do, he will leave this world with her and finally resume their travels. in the end, he will leave you if you don't wish to come along. and there's nothing here for you but darkness. why do you insist on being so close to him when--

soft lips press against his cheek suddenly, cutting his thoughts short. you pull back with a warm smile. "you're thinking too much." you raise your hand to smooth your thumb over the crease between his brows. "i'm serious. i'm not leaving. ever."

"but..."

you kiss him again, this time covering his mouth with your own. he startles adorably, making you giggle. no one will ever know just how easy it is to fluster the prince of the abyss. you pull away before he can think of kissing you back. "welcome home, aether." you murmur. "i missed you."

aether blinks a few times at you. you can't read his mind, but you can think of a few things that he could be thinking about. he's much more simple than you initially thought he was; given a little time, he becomes easy to read. right now, you can bet that he's doing battle with himself. perhaps he's debating whether or not he should turn down your kindness or not. not wanting to hear him do so, you take his hand and lead him over to the bed. you sit on it and pat the space close to you until he does as well. "will you tell me about your mission this time?" you ask softly.

golden eyes shift away from you briefly. so no then. you don't mind it much. he's told you before that if he tells you of his duties, he'd be endangering you. you trust his words, but you figure that there's no harm in asking since he was gone for so long. you take his hand into your lap and toy with his fingers. they're calloused and warm, and you wonder if he knows that he carries the aura of starlight. "i missed you so much," you mumble. you bring his hand up to cup your face and lean into his touch. "you didn't get hurt anywhere, did you?"

finally, aether responds. he shakes his head. "not really, no." he presses his lips together for a moment. "i... tried my best to be careful. for you."

your heart swells. he's always gone out of his way to do things to make you feel at ease, even in such a bleak place. "thank you." your words are light, spoken with a breath of relief.

silence follows. you and aether just stare at each other for a moment, the two of you exchanging silent words of adoration. then, to your surprise, aether leans forward. he brushes his thumb over your cheek and you raise your eyebrows a bit. you know what this means but you're surprised; you're usually the one initiating kisses. you nod once and aether takes leans closer, but doesn't kiss you just yet. his lips are hovering over yours and you can feel his uneven breathing, but he doesn't move.

if he has something to say, you don't wait for it. you close the gap between you in a moment of neediness and sigh at the feeling of his lips over yours. aether sighs in tandem and shuffles closer to you, leaving no space between you anymore. your lips move together slowly, tenderly, like you have all the time in the world. you savor every second, every part of himself that aether is willing to give. you tilt your head to deepen the kiss, but he pulls away briefly. "i love you," he whispers. "with everything i have, i love you."

your lips tremble with the urge to say something, but you come up short. what do you say to that? you don't think a simple i love you would be an appropriate response to that. not when it sounds like he's presenting himself to you like this. he sounds so genuine, so.. raw. you kiss him again instead of replying, but with more fervor. aether responds in kind, deepening the kiss as you wanted.

the kiss starts to grow needy; desperate. there's no room between the two of you but you still feel so far away from him — like he's not really here. you're not quite sure who heats up first; all you can think about is how aether tastes of the honey that he so loves to put in his tea.

slowly, aether starts to ease you back and you let him, moving so that you're lying on the bed. he breaks the kiss for just a moment and hovers over you, and the way he's looking at you makes your heart leap into your throat. his eyes are shimmering with want — he's not bothering to hide just how badly he wants you. "i'm all yours," you say softly. you place a hand on his cheek and he leans into your touch, his eyes fluttering. "i'm so glad you're home."

"it's good to be back." he answers lowly. he takes your hand and pins it to the bed, leaning down to resume the kiss. "i missed you." he breathes the words into your mouth and you take them in, consuming all of the love he puts into it.

the kiss slows and you feel aether's grip on your hand tighten. it's palpable in the air just how much he cherishes you. your heart picks up speed and your breath hitches when you feel his teeth graze your bottom lip. again, he pulls away to admire you and this time, you turn your eyes away. aether's free hand comes to your chin, a gentle request for you to look at him. when you do, you finally see the faint flush on his cheeks and a smile ghosting across his face. he leans back in to press a kiss to your forehead.

"my light in my darkest hour," he whispers. he kisses your nose next. "my home."

he's talking about you, you realize. it's not often that he pours out praise like this. not that he doesn't praise you at all, but aether's content to show his love through actions rather than words. your face steadily begins to warm. "you must've missed me a lot, huh?" you ask cheekily.

aether kisses you slowly, sweetly, so much so that you see stars behind your lids when you close your eyes. when you part, he murmurs, "probably even more than you're thinking, if you'd believe me." he dips his head then, pressing soft kisses against the sensitive skin on your neck. you suck in a sharp breath at the suddenness of it all, but aether pays you no mind. there's no heat to his kisses, no haste or fervor; just passion and devotion.

you angle your head and aether kisses your jaw in thanks. "i should be doing this for you," you sigh. "you're the one who returned home, not me."

"there's no need." aether's voice sends a tingle up your spine.

you stammer when you feel him nip at your skin. "hard work deserves a just reward, no?"

at that, aether freezes. he says nothing for a while, and for that while, you worry if you've said something wrong. you don't think you have — you meant what you said. oftentimes aether isn't around long enough for you to help him unwind after his duties. this intimacy, these kisses; this behavior is new and exhilarating. you finally have the chance to reward him for his efforts. that's not wrong, is it?

just before you can question him, aether lowers himself down on top of you completely. you make a small noise at the sudden weight, but quickly adjust yourself on your side and pull him into your arms comfortably. his arms snake around your middle and he keeps his face buried in your neck. "you really want to reward me?" he finally asks, his voice a bit muffled.

his question confuses you. you're well aware that what he does is... less than appealing. aether works in the dark for an end that may never come to light. yet it is his tenacity that stands out to you — his resolution. if you could convince him to let you help, you would, but you know a losing battle when you see one. so...

"it's the most i can do for you." you voice your thoughts aloud. "if i can provide rest for you, then i will. if..." your words stall for a moment when aether moves so that he's looking straight at you. you continue, "if i can care for you, then... then i will."

his stare is intense. you recognize that look. golden eyes swim with conflict. he seems as though he's trying to figure you out, and you want to laugh. there's not much to figure out about you — you're just a fool in love; nothing else to it.

aether hides his face in your neck once more. his skin is burning; is he blushing? you peek at his ears and see how red they are. you giggle. "i tell you 'i love you' all the time and this is what has you so flustered?" you tease.

"shut up." he grumbles childishly. it only makes you laugh harder. it's rare that he speaks like that with you. it's always a welcome change. he tightens his hold on you. "...you're too kind to me." he finally says.

you sigh and raise a hand to bury in his hair. you feel him sigh when your nails lightly rake at his scalp. "tough luck, lover boy. i'm only gonna get kinder. you're worthy of good things, aether. i'll tell you that a million times if i have to."

all he does is hum in response. maybe that's enough for right now. it'll certainly take time before he's fully convinced that he deserves tender moments like this. but as far as you're concerned, you have eternity to convince him of that. even if... even if "eternity" comes to an abrupt end someday, you'll dedicate yourself to loving him wholeheartedly every chance you get.

until then, you'll keep him here, wrapped in your arms. "i love you," you whisper. your reply comes in the form of a squeeze around your middle.

✦ [agonized sobbing] i just wanna love him! that's all i'm asking for!

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