keenerkey

[keenerkey]

[keenerkey]

“tumblr mutual” beloved friend I would pick up at the airport if y’all visited my home city

[keenerkey]

When I was a kid my family pretended to get raptured so I would think I was left behind on earth while they all went to heaven.

I was like 8 years old and my sister and mom had gotten really into the Left Behind novels (bible fan fic about the rapture). In the books when the rapture happened the clothes that people were wearing when they got raptured were left behind in neatly folded piles.

One day when I was getting home from school my family decided that they would leave piles of neatly folded clothes around the house, and then hide in the basement.

The intended effect was that I would get home and see the clothes then, think that my family had been raptured and that I wasn’t good enough to get into heaven… or something?

The problem was that I had never read these books, and didn’t really think about the rapture very often. There was no reason that I would see some laundry on the floor and think “The rapture happened and I’ve been abandoned by God! I’ll never see my family again!! Oh nooo!!!!”

I just sat down and watched cartoons and eventually my family got bored and revealed that they were all hiding in the basement.

It’s a good thing I didn’t understand the joke, otherwise that shit would have been traumatic.

[keenerkey]

[keenerkey]

My boyfriend prefers his mattresses firm, and I need a soft mattress. He prefers his food temperate while I like my food hot and spicy. This is another good reason to not have a kid, because even if the kid averages out and prefers everything in the middle, there's the risk of some blonde bitch breaking into our house to rummage through our stuff.

[keenerkey]

little dudes!

[keenerkey]

Maybe if he was a little less fuckable we wouldn’t be in this mess

[keenerkey]

“ExcUSE me?!”

[keenerkey]

this autism month, Say No to Autism Speaks, Say Yes to Autism FREAKS

[keenerkey]

#a witch hat #because that’s the vibe tn

[keenerkey]

At this hearing, I stand before my fellow members of The Tortured Poets Department with a summary of my findings. 

Album tonight. 

Fortnight music video tomorrow at 8pm et.

https://taylor.lnk.to/thetorturedpoetsdepartment

#FOAMING AT THE MOUTH #SO EXCITE D

[keenerkey]

Heartbreaking: This person is making great points but they're being a huge fucking asshole about it so you can't reblog any of it

[keenerkey]

[keenerkey]

[keenerkey]

rereading my own fic and every single line is hitting because i wrote it specifically to cater to my extremely particular interests

[keenerkey]

Path of the eclipse, 1 hour later via traffic

#cries in my 2 1/2 hour drive became 5 hours

[keenerkey]

How is anyone supposed to be normal after that. G-d looked back at me for a minute