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keepingupwitht · 16 days
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I am SUPER excited Dav is doing this and proud of him.
But also - I can't help myself - I hope this means he's got his own toothbrush now.
i just want to acknowledge the balls it took for Dav to be open about deconstructing when your wife and her *entire* family center every part of their lives around fundamentalist Christian values, like him or not that's brave.
telling someone who is *that* religious that you don't believe anymore is something you just expect to go badly.... either they're going to be sad or mad or passive aggressive, they're probably going to question your intelligence ("you're just not understanding what the word is *really* saying"), in my personal experience it has never gone smoothly. my family/church community wasn't even on the Beal's level of conservative but telling a few people went so badly that it just scared me into not talking about it with anyone from that world anymore.
so I really applaud Dav for being so public about it, it would've been easy for him and Bethany to keep it quiet to avoid the confrontation of her Christian following and her family. and I'm certain there's going to be people from that following who will be helped by his openness about this topic bc he might be the first person some of them have ever heard openly talk about challenging the ideology he was brought up with, esp Girl Defined's younger female audience.
idk it's just hard to describe how sad and lonely deconstruction can be when the majority of people in your life are very religious and it really takes guts to risk the most important relationships in your life so you can be authentically yourself.
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keepingupwitht · 1 month
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Alright, it’s time to come clean.
Josie named her baby after my dog.
What's your dog's human name?
Sorry, as he is wanted for questioning in multiple jurisdictions, I will be protecting his identity
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keepingupwitht · 1 month
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On of the less intuitive things about love, I've found, of any kind, is the importance of needing things.
I didn't realize it until recently, but I've always seen love as something requiring sacrifice, selflessness, patience, and generosity- to ask for nothing is to be the best person I can be, small and quiet and never in the way, always happy and helpful, self-sufficient and present when desired.
It's only as an adult, now, that I'm beginning to see the selfishness of wanting nothing.
I cut my friend's hair in my kitchen the other day. They wanted a trim and I had the skills, so I offered, and was genuinely excited when they stopped hesitating over "bothering me" and took me up on it. It was a peaceful afternoon, and we had tea and chatted for an hour or more.
My brother and I shared popcorn at the movies a while ago. When I came time to pay, I pulled my card out like a wild western sheriff and slapped it on the machine before he could fight me for it first. The satisfaction was delightful.
Someone called me crying on the phone the other day. Kept apologizing for disturbing me at work, talking about how they were bothering me on my lunch break. I was telling the truth when I told them that really, I was flattered and honored and relieved, knowing that if they were hurting I would know, that I didn't have to worry in silence. It felt good to hear them slowly come down, and to know that they knew it would be better soon, and to hear them laugh wetly on the other end. We're getting together for a visit next week.
It's hard to need things, if you've trained yourself not to. It's hard to want things, when you don't know how to want anymore. Trusting people is difficult, and so is relying on them, but I don't know where I'd be without the people who rely on me.
I've heard a lot of people say, "Nobody will love you unless you love yourself". I've had a lot of thoughts about it. It's not right, but it's not wrong, either, I think.
"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... I've always taken that to mean, "You will not be lovable until you develop a positive view of yourself as a person".
Now, I think it's sort of inside-out.
"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... because nobody can show their love to you in a way that you can accept until you treat yourself kindly, and learn what you need, and what you want, and how to ask for it, and then give that vulnerability away.
Love, for me, is someone I ask for a ride to the airport. Whether they end up doing this or not is irrelevant.
It's not needy, or selfish, or taking up energy. It's giving the gift of being wanted, and needed, and thought of. It's giving someone the security of being part of someone's life.
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keepingupwitht · 3 months
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I wish everyone a gentle and peaceful beginning to 2024
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keepingupwitht · 3 months
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keepingupwitht · 3 months
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This is one of the funniest holiday cards I have ever seen.
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keepingupwitht · 4 months
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Thoughts on Santa deniers?
I just don't know where else they think the presents could come from. the parents theory doesn't make sense if you apply even a little bit of scrutiny because mom and dad are asleep at night
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keepingupwitht · 4 months
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I went on too long- here's part two:
Chad Gallagher is a fascinating part of the story - he almost certainly made a fortune off these people while pretending to be working in their best interest. The fact that he stole the last $1300 or so from the Dillards’ non-profit is so fucking rude and unnessary. 
 Everything surrounding the publication of the police report just does break my heart for Jill. How sad she is, and then how she feels like she HAS to fix this for her family and does the interview. It’s just gross. 
Jill places the blame for the leak on InTouch, Bauer, Kathy O’Kelly, Ernest Cate, the city of Springdale, the Washington County Sheriff's Office and Rick Hoyt for the release of the report. This is the quote, which I think summarizes her point: “I am clear about the mistakes that my parents have made over the years with our upbringing, especially Pops, but the way my parents handled or didn’t handle things with Josh does not influence or justify the release of juvenile records and further re-traumatization and exploitation of innocent victims.”
After Derick begins pushing for compensation, Jim Bob offers everyone $80,000 in exchange for signing an agreement with his company, Mad Family Inc. which was also an exploitative contract - requiring a minimum seven year commitment for themselves, their children and any future children to appear on their shows, to be paid at a rate they could not negotiate and sign a lifelong NDA (which I don’t think would be enforceable, but I digress). Jill begins pushing for the full 2014 contract and this pisses Jim Bob off. Eventually, Jim Bob gives them the $80,000 without the agreement. 
They really want to be missionaries with IMB, the organization Derick worked with in Nepal, but basically cannot because no one will give them the 2014 contract. I’m not as interested in this, but bummer for them. 
They leave the show. They film an exit interview, which never airs, and they are excited to move on with their lives.
Poor Jill goes through it in her birth with Samuel. It is really scary and awful, but luckily they both make it through. Just a big TW for this whole section, and I won’t go into detail here but man, poor thing. Afterwards, Jill has to grapple with the fact that she might not be able to have more babies, which is so hard after all her IBLP indoctrination. Jill tells this to a friend, seeking some support, and Jim Bob says “We don’t know for sure now, do we?” which is just like, shut the fuck up Jim Bob. 
Jill is completely questioning IBLP at this point and has been using contraception to safely space her pregnancies (go Jill!) When Jill’s family sees her wearing pants for the first time, they get annoyed that she didn’t go about it like Jinger, who called them first. Jill is a full married adult and mother of two at this point, but should call her parents and tell them about pants. Sure. 
Jill and Derick sending a long letter to her parents was a bad move, but I get it, and I’m glad their therapist explained to them why that wouldn’t work, as well as why mediation wouldn’t work. Also I think their therapist seems dope. 
Jim Bob misreported Jill’s earnings to the IRS. Listen to me friends: always check your own taxes. I don’t blame Jill for this - she was set up to fail by her family on stuff like this. But just for future reference.The list of Jill’s expenses justifying why they claimed what they did on her taxes was SO gross. He also basically threatened her inheritance if she didn’t fall in line. 
The show earned Jim Bob around $8M. Jill and Derick’s wedding and Israel's birth specials would have been over $100,000 each. Jim Bob did not help them with the $10,000 worth of expenses they had from the birth. 
Jill and Derick settled with her parents for $175,000. With the $80,000, that means Jill and Derick earned $255,000. Doing some quick math, Jill’s tenure on the two shows was about nine years of her life, which breaks down to about $28,333 per year. 
I love that she loves pina coladas, that’s so cute! 
 Jill was on the prosecution’s witness list for Josh’s trial, which is why she couldn’t attend until the end. She thinks the court got it right. 
Also, screw the friends who keep telling her that her parents are good people. I am glad she is in therapy, again her therapist seems dope, and I am glad she is focusing on her healing and loving her family.
"Counting the Cost" by Jill Duggar Dillard
Last night, I read all of Counting the Cost in one sitting because apparently my fundie fascination is still going strong over a year after we closed down KUWF. I've got a lot of takeaways I want to talk about so I'm going to put a cut and get into it all after the jump.
In the beginning of the book, it struck me how generally correct we were about Jill and growing up as a Duggar. She was a people pleaser and playing the role of “Sweet Jilly Muffin” was so important to her. She loved her childhood and her parents. It’s interesting both from Jinger & Jill that as kids, the Duggar childhood of their memories is an idyllic one. There was a lot of emphasis on their values - no rock music, dancing, movies, etc. but it was a lot of time spent together and fun and games. 
We also saw the shift in the way they grew up - they were always IBLP inspired conservative Christains, but were attending a regular baptist church up until they attended a different church one week that had dancing in the service. Suddenly, they started attending an IBLP only church and getting deeper in. Jill recounts the first time she went to an IBLP conference and realized there were other families like theirs. It was interesting to see their early progression deeper into the cult (which Jill even calls it by the end of the book). 
Jim Bob getting into politics was interesting - Josh’s early interest in it, while Jill preferred to get treats from the other legislators, made a lot of sense. When Josh is sent away, Jill glosses over some of the details (fair enough) but it’s interesting to me to see how she lays out the three things happening around the same time: (1) going deeper into IBLP, (2) her dad getting involved in politics and (3) Josh getting sent away. It lays the groundwork for what TLC is about to walk into and change everything. 
Jim Bob also saying he knew God wanted him to run for Senate, then losing and immediately being noticed by the press and ultimately Discovery - and opening the “window of opportunity” for their family to be on TV was a little wild. The fact that all this happened ultimately because this man flipped a coin three times and got heads all three times - something that has a ⅛ probability of happening - is sorta wild. 
Jill not enjoying filming was something I did not expect - honestly I always thought that she was one of the kids who enjoyed it more. But it makes sense now that she was one of the few who refused to have her honeymoon filmed and refused TLC cameras at her birth, which Jana and Michelle filmed. Those were one of the things that I noticed at the time but didn’t realize what it meant. Good for Jill for standing her ground on both those things - although she wanted to refuse to have her birth filmed at all. 
It was interesting to me that the Duggars were not an IBLP model family UNTIL the show. The show put them in that position - Jill didn’t think they’d be one without it. And the line about Jana being invited to visit headquarters as the only blond to be one of “Gothard’s Girls” just hurts to think about in hindsight. 
It’s interesting how long they propped Josh up as the golden boy while he was in trouble behind the scenes. 
In hindsight, the fact that Jim Bob really set up Jill and Derick is really something, since they would ultimately be the first to really break away. 
Everytime Jill advocates for herself, I am so proud. She pushed for two weeks in Nepal to meet Derick even when they only wanted to film part of the trip, and got the time. They filmed a fake goodbye and then spent another week getting to know each other. 
 I didn’t expect to have my lawyer hat on, but the fact that Jim Bob had Jill sign a contract the day of her rehearsal dinner with everything going on with her MILs health without letting her read it, and her not even realizing what was happening was just atrocious. Just pure and straight abuse. 
The fact that Jill was not paid for any filming and thought she was volunteering at her family ministry for the majority of the time she was filming is just awful. I know she did get perks - her Nepal trip, various other trips, her wedding, groceries, etc. But the fact that she and Derick only had a five day honeymoon because that’s all they could afford when Jim Bob almost certainly made more than $100,000 for their wedding is gross. 
This also doesn’t make TLC look very good, since this kind of abuse was allowed to occur basically under their watch. I get that they likely had a great deal on the Duggars because they were only negotiating with questionable businessman Jim Bob but it does suck to see how little they care about the human cost of their show. 
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keepingupwitht · 4 months
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"Counting the Cost" by Jill Duggar Dillard
Last night, I read all of Counting the Cost in one sitting because apparently my fundie fascination is still going strong over a year after we closed down KUWF. I've got a lot of takeaways I want to talk about so I'm going to put a cut and get into it all after the jump.
In the beginning of the book, it struck me how generally correct we were about Jill and growing up as a Duggar. She was a people pleaser and playing the role of “Sweet Jilly Muffin” was so important to her. She loved her childhood and her parents. It’s interesting both from Jinger & Jill that as kids, the Duggar childhood of their memories is an idyllic one. There was a lot of emphasis on their values - no rock music, dancing, movies, etc. but it was a lot of time spent together and fun and games. 
We also saw the shift in the way they grew up - they were always IBLP inspired conservative Christains, but were attending a regular baptist church up until they attended a different church one week that had dancing in the service. Suddenly, they started attending an IBLP only church and getting deeper in. Jill recounts the first time she went to an IBLP conference and realized there were other families like theirs. It was interesting to see their early progression deeper into the cult (which Jill even calls it by the end of the book). 
Jim Bob getting into politics was interesting - Josh’s early interest in it, while Jill preferred to get treats from the other legislators, made a lot of sense. When Josh is sent away, Jill glosses over some of the details (fair enough) but it’s interesting to me to see how she lays out the three things happening around the same time: (1) going deeper into IBLP, (2) her dad getting involved in politics and (3) Josh getting sent away. It lays the groundwork for what TLC is about to walk into and change everything. 
Jim Bob also saying he knew God wanted him to run for Senate, then losing and immediately being noticed by the press and ultimately Discovery - and opening the “window of opportunity” for their family to be on TV was a little wild. The fact that all this happened ultimately because this man flipped a coin three times and got heads all three times - something that has a ⅛ probability of happening - is sorta wild. 
Jill not enjoying filming was something I did not expect - honestly I always thought that she was one of the kids who enjoyed it more. But it makes sense now that she was one of the few who refused to have her honeymoon filmed and refused TLC cameras at her birth, which Jana and Michelle filmed. Those were one of the things that I noticed at the time but didn’t realize what it meant. Good for Jill for standing her ground on both those things - although she wanted to refuse to have her birth filmed at all. 
It was interesting to me that the Duggars were not an IBLP model family UNTIL the show. The show put them in that position - Jill didn’t think they’d be one without it. And the line about Jana being invited to visit headquarters as the only blond to be one of “Gothard’s Girls” just hurts to think about in hindsight. 
It’s interesting how long they propped Josh up as the golden boy while he was in trouble behind the scenes. 
In hindsight, the fact that Jim Bob really set up Jill and Derick is really something, since they would ultimately be the first to really break away. 
Everytime Jill advocates for herself, I am so proud. She pushed for two weeks in Nepal to meet Derick even when they only wanted to film part of the trip, and got the time. They filmed a fake goodbye and then spent another week getting to know each other. 
 I didn’t expect to have my lawyer hat on, but the fact that Jim Bob had Jill sign a contract the day of her rehearsal dinner with everything going on with her MILs health without letting her read it, and her not even realizing what was happening was just atrocious. Just pure and straight abuse. 
The fact that Jill was not paid for any filming and thought she was volunteering at her family ministry for the majority of the time she was filming is just awful. I know she did get perks - her Nepal trip, various other trips, her wedding, groceries, etc. But the fact that she and Derick only had a five day honeymoon because that’s all they could afford when Jim Bob almost certainly made more than $100,000 for their wedding is gross. 
This also doesn’t make TLC look very good, since this kind of abuse was allowed to occur basically under their watch. I get that they likely had a great deal on the Duggars because they were only negotiating with questionable businessman Jim Bob but it does suck to see how little they care about the human cost of their show. 
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keepingupwitht · 5 months
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I’m looking to get some products for my guest bath - I got some travel sized toiletries but I’ve been hosting a fair amount and I want to get the bigger sizes to have on hand. Anyone have suggestions for gender neutral products (ie no florals or “mountain musk”) that aren’t super expensive?
thanks in advance!
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keepingupwitht · 6 months
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keepingupwitht · 6 months
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ARE YOU TODAY’S DATE?
BECAUSE YOURE 10/10
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keepingupwitht · 6 months
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keepingupwitht · 6 months
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I have never once had to think about what to talk about on a date with my partner. Good lord woman
The "look how unique I am" attempt just comes across as sad.
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keepingupwitht · 7 months
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keepingupwitht · 7 months
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ok i just wanna check something.... reblog if you've never watched/opened tumblr live
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keepingupwitht · 8 months
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I feel this as someone who grew up religious BUT ALSO as someone who loves home decor and diy Instagram and now gets fed tradwives constantly. I literally got a reel today that said “I don’t refer to my husband as my partner because we aren’t equals!”
Meanwhile if I don’t refer to my boyfriend as my “partner” I refer to him as “the dogs’ dad” or “the dogs’ other human” because we are equals and we are equal dog parents 😂
My personal flair of ex-consersative Girl Boss is questioning myself every time I enjoy something "feminine"
I like to cook for my boyfriend. Am I secretly traditional? Am I contradicting myself? Are these the gender roles that were drilled into me speaking and I don't realize it?
The circles my brain runs could power cities
Oh my godddddd yes‼️‼️ I relate SO hard lmao
I love to cook and garden and even clean (sometimes) and intellectually, I understand now that none of those things are inherently feminine or masculine activities, they're just things we have to do that some people like and some people don't.
But sometimes I'll catch myself enjoying laundry or making a sauce and think "ok did i just gaslight myself into believing this isn't what I'm meant to be doing all the time??" Or "was i right when i thought women were just inherently better at this stuff?" or things like that, esp since my male partner does not enjoy these things lol.
I know that might sound silly as hell to people who grew up secular, but that's how deep that brainwashing goes man. You can educate yourself, you can surround yourself with enlightened feminists, you can change the way your life looks and that shit that was drilled into your brain at such a young age still pops up, even if it's been a decade, 2 decades, 3 decades, etc. That's why a lot of people like myself make kind of a big deal about kids having evangelical influences so early in life, that shit stays with you no matter what.
I can talk myself out of it these days lol and I guess that's just what you do until that kind of thinking goes away forever? Or maybe it never does and that's just what you do until you die, idk. If anyone ever needs help talking themselves out of it, I'm just a dm away.
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