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khadijatries · 3 years

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The End And Beginning- Ateez Fanfic

(Seonghwa x Y/N (Bibi))

(SONG REC: I’M SORRY- THE ROSE)

Bibi was hoping it would feel different when she saw his face. She’d hoped she flushed him out of her system by now.

The Earth continued to spin. The stars they had watched together still glowed impossibly through the universe, just as they did then. She wanted to tell them to shut up. To beg them to disappear already because they were dead anyway. Why couldn’t they go quietly.

Or maybe it was her feelings she was talking to. Because as she stood in the middle of the carpark, with her hands trembling from cold or emotion, tucked into her pockets, she felt like he was the answer. As though if she didn’t run to him right then, she would die.

She tilted her head, hoping that maybe the different angle would provide new perspective on how she felt. That perhaps she was overreacting, and this situation was not all she felt like it was.

Nope. Still handsome. Still painful.

She wondered whether seeing him sitting alone on the speaker box, without the guitar he fine tuned before every performance, looking like more of a wreck than her, should have made her felt better.

Huffing out an ironic laugh, she concluded that she would have felt the same if he’d been sitting with all of his fangirls and laughing raucously, completely happy and satisfied.

Sniffing away her tears, she reached out to him with glassy eyes and pretended to grab his tiny figure and put him in her pocket. She’ll keep this feeling, to remember the ache.

A deep breath, a slow eyelid shutter, a pivot on her heels.

She wouldn’t stay. Neither of them deserved that.

But when the car door closed in a sort of finality she didn’t expect, her flood gates didn’t hold, and Bibi found herself sobbing into the image of her love, isolated from the world because of what they had done.

And yet, all they had done, was fall in love and hope.

Seonghwa knew she was there.

He stayed impossibly still, his heart violently hammering inside his chest, sweat dripping down his brow from the effort it took not to get up and just go to her. Even if she didn’t accept it, he wanted to get on his knees and say, ‘I’m sorry’, and ‘Don’t go’.

None of it would’ve made a difference since she’d made up her mind. They both did. He’d been part of that decision. It was never okay though.

Not when the idea occurred to him. Not when he voiced his opinion to his best friend. Not when he told Bibi. Not when she’d agreed. Not when he walked away. Not when she didn’t answer his calls after his regret.

At every turn his mind, body and soul screamed NO. WRONG. STOP.

He looked down at his phone, at the picture of her eating ramyeon in the middle of the night outside her apartment. He called her that day to tell her that he would never let her go, even if she wanted to leave she couldn’t. She laughed and said she’d never want to. That was months ago.

His grip tightened as the 2 minutes he expected her to stand in the crowd to attain her closure extended into 10 minutes. 15…

Once the clock his 8 30, he would go to her.

But at 8 27, she turned on her heel and Seonghwa couldn’t help but leap after her, frantically searching for her car as the crowd grew thicker, and the concert began.

It didn’t take long to spot it, and her, with dark hair all that was in view as she shook and banged her head against the hooter.

Seonghwa’s heart crumbled, and he did fall to his knees, clutching his chest, muttering apologies, telling her not to go, and desperately swallowing back all his despair.

This distance and separation, besides being unusual for them, was too cruel. But Seonghwa promised that his desire to never let her go would never fade, and that ultimately he would be by her side again.

(SONG RED: ABYSS- JIN BTS)

The birds were talking again. Their incessant chirping was infuriating today, especially since they were talking about her.

“Ah, the poor thing. She hasn’t moved an inch since yesterday.” Bird 1 said, watching her pitifully from its daily perch in front of her window. “I hope she finished the research she was busy with.”

“As if.” Bird 2 scoffed, studying her dishevelled clothes, and unwashed hair. “Is she even still breathing? She hasn’t blinked since we got here.”

Bibi blinked to reassure the birds and slumped deeper onto her desk.

“Poor thing. This must be her first time.”

“What do you mean ‘must be’? It shows that it is.”

“Be nice! She’s going through a lot right now.”

“YEAH BE NICE!” Bibi suddenly got up from her chair, the exhaustion finally getting to her, influencing her degree of delusion.

Just then, the bedroom door shut, and she swivelled around in shock to see her mother standing quietly at the door like she was the one being caught in an insane rage.

“Good morning.” She said sheepishly, approaching Bibi slowly, so as not to startle her already shaken child.

Bibi slumped back into her chair. “What’s good about it?”

Her mother sat at the edge of her bed and studied her quietly. She was worried, of course. Bibi had deep bags beneath her usually clear eyes, and her decisiveness was missing.

“Its Monday.” Her mother said. “And I wanted to remind you that you have work today.”

“I’ll call in sick.”

Her mother nodded, trusting that Bibi had a handle on whatever it is that was happening. “I also wanted to tell you that, although I love having you at home, and your dad is over the moon that you’re staying, we’re both a lot better now, so if you wanted to go back to your apartment, we’d be okay with it.”

“I won’t go till dad is in the clear.” It wasn’t a lie, per say. It was the half truth that Bibi was using to convince herself that it was okay to hide here for a bit longer.

“Okay. But if you need to talk about anything I’m here.” She got up to leave hesitantly, hoping Bibi would open up today, after 3 days of staying couped up in her room, not even eating.

“Go to work, Mom, I’ll be fine.” She weakly convinced her mother. It was hard to believe it herself. Usually, she would at least put in an effort to make sure they wouldn’t worry about her, but that seemed like too much for her right then.

After a firm hug and kiss on the cheek her mom left. She waited to hear her car start and then flopped back into bed.

How did things that felt natural and easy just about a month ago feel like they could kill her to do them now. Smiling for her parents’ sake, even if she was completely exhausted or angry was never any effort. It killed her to think she couldn’t muster the will to care. Or even to bath, eat or sleep, let alone working.

Working….

She had a job. One she’d really wanted.

After a few minutes of staring blankly at her ceiling, Bibi gathered all the strength she had to get up, take a shower and get dressed into something remotely appropriate for work.

With a heavy sigh, and wondering just what the hell she thought she was doing, she packed her unfinished research and case files into her bag that felt unnecessarily weighted. She descended the steps in a daze, grabbing a muffin and sitting at the kitchen counter, still deciding whether or not she should be a menace to society by living.

It was easier said than done to focus her thoughts, when everything she saw, heard and smelled reminded her of him. He was everywhere, even without ever having been there. Even though he never sat at the kitchen counter at her parents’ house, he was somehow sitting across from her now with a very suggestive smile. The smile that got him anything he wanted.

“Go away.” she said aloud, wishing he were actually there.

She wasn’t sure if she would swipe everything off the counter and demand he kiss her, or have him in a headlock to choke the living breath out of him so that he would be really gone. Maybe he would haunt her then, and they could-

“Rude.” He said, tilting his head.

Bibi jumped back, off the stool, tripping on her way, but when she looked back up, he was gone. She frantically looked around the empty kitchen, and… on the other end of the counter was Kj.

She was busy picking at her own muffin, unphased that Bibi was having a heart attack.

“… When did you get here?”

“Do you want me to pretend you weren’t talking to yourself about ways to murder someone?” She lifted her brows in question.

Bibi was about to protest when she realised that was probably what she was doing. “Did… you hear anything else I was talking to myself about?”

“What? Making out?” Kj teased. “Not if you didn’t want me to.”

Bibi huffed out a half laugh, completely surprised herself. Kj paused, eyes wide and pointed at her in shock.

“Did you just… laugh?” Kj grabbed her shoulders and studied her face. “Ohmygod, thank goodness. I thought I would have to make friends in the real world and I wouldn’t because I’m completely incapable of human interaction!”

“And what am I?” Bibi protested, kind of feeling a sudden spike in her energy levels.

“Oh you think you’re considered human? After starving yourself for 3 days? After ignoring my calls? After making me wait outside your door all night? You’re a stone cold bitch, my friend.” Kj spoke frankly, not allowing any of the intense concern she felt for her friend to show.

“You were here? In the house?” Bibi didn’t think she was that far gone so as not to notice her presence.

Kj only nodded and stared. Bibi could tell there were many things beneath this façade she was attempting to put up, that Kj wanted to ask. That her mother avoided asking her.

“OKAY I CAN’T TAKE IT!” Kj burst after 2 whole seconds. “I might cry if you continue to give me this blank look.” She waved a hand in Bibi’s face. Let’s fix you.”

Bibi swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded, because she too, couldn’t stand her own blank stare, the endless tears and the painful fatigue. “I don’t want to stay this way either.” She admitted.

“GOOD! But first you have to drive me to campus and get to work.” She declared, grabbing Bibi’s keys and heading to the car.

Instead of plugging in their usual playlist, Kj waited for Bibi to start the car and pull out onto the road, then asked, hoping she would let her in after all this time. “Want to tell me what happened now?”

“No.” Bibi replied instantly.

“And why not, Bibi?” Kj was sure to lose her patience today. She didn’t like to push, but she was already angry at the world for putting her best friend in this position to begin with.

“Because you would get unnecessarily angry and hurt for me, and one of us feeling shitty is quite enough.” Bibi justified, attempting to switch on the radio.

Kj switched it off immediately. “Are you dumb?” She looked at her blankly. “Do you just not want me to get mad and Seonghwa and beat his ass?”

Bibi would’ve thought it was joke, and it would have been in any other circumstance, but Kj’s tone wasn’t a joking one. Frankly, she was growing redder by the second, and if she didn’t calm down she would combust. And most probably Seonghwa would get the brunt of it since they were on the same campus, and Bibi couldn’t be there to prevent it.

“The only reason you wouldn’t tell me what was going on is if you thought I would try to do something about it.” Kj was right about that, to be fair. Why else would she not confide in the embodiment of confidante for her. “And that would mean that if you told me, and I did get angry, he did do something to get angry about.”

The longer she spoke about him, the more unstable and displaced Bibi felt.

“I didn’t even tell you anything and you’re on a warpath, trying to defend my honour.” She didn’t realise that she was going to shout, but she did, and soon, tears welled in her eyes. “He didn’t do anything wrong, Kj.”

“Then why won’t you tell me what happened?!” Kj shouted back, her throat also growing thick with held back grief.

“Because that’s my opinion! And yours might be different! Just leave him alone!”

“If you think my opinion would be different, maybe your opinion is wrong!”

Bibi pulled over at the entrance of the campus. “It’s over! That’s all you need to know.”

For the first time since they’d begun to shout at each other, the girls looked at each other. They were both dangerously on the brink of crying, brows crunched together and breathing heavily.

Bibi thought that if she continued to think about him, and remember him, she wouldn’t get through this day.

“I’m not angry that you don’t want to tell me what happened.” Kj confessed, still entirely too high strung to talk at a normal volume. “That’s fine. But I am angry that you’re not okay. I miss my friend and roommate. I miss you! I don’t give a shit about Seonghwa. I want you back!”

“Well I’m so sorry to disappoint you, Kj. I’m fucked up and broken, so teach yourself how to make new friends.”

Kj was taken aback and sprang back like she’d been burned. That hurt, but it brought her anger back to a simmering state as she clenched her teeth and nodded. “You’re hurting.” She said quietly. “But you need to let me help you get through it.”

“Go to campus and focus on your own life.” Bibi said, all too tired to continue listening. She didn’t even really know what words were being exchanged. Her head flopped against the steering wheel and when she looked up again, Kj was gone.

She hoped against hope that Kj didn’t make anyone bleed today.

(SONG REC: BANG CHAN- I DONT WANT TO ADMIT)

Seonghwa was standing by the tree for almost an hour now. At first he felt like he was incognito, ducking everytime he saw a silver car pull up, but now he just seemed like a creep, especially with more and more people arriving closer to class time.

He had to be early since he had a few details of a performance to iron out with his band mates, or at least that's what he told himself.

"Seonghwa, the level of stalker is increasing by the second." Wooyoung reminded him, for the 6th time that morning.

Seonghwa's face heated up in embarrassment taking in his position once again. He was only comforted by Hongjoong giving their younger friend a smack on the head with a textbook.

"Focus Wooyoung!" Hongjoong scolded Wooyoung, and continued to tutor him on the bench nearby. He, Seonghwa and Yeosang were the only members of their band who actually cared about their academics, but they always tried to 'encourage' and 'inspire' all of them.

By that it means it most probably involved a textbook beating, or cutting them off from practicing.

"How much longer are we waiting?" San asked from beside him, in plain view, casually leaning against the trunk.

"San! Get back! She'll obviously see you!" Seonghwa chided, and shoved San back to the bench.

"THERE SHE IS THERE SHE IS!" San pointed. Seonghwa whipped around, only to be disappointed at the youngers joke, accompanied by Wooyoungs laughter.

He cried out in frustration and was ready to beat them both up when he caught sight of her car himself.

At that point, he forgot everything. There was only her.

He didn't want to do anything but take 1 single look. That's all he could afford to take. He deserved nothing else.

He was taken out of his reverie when someone tapped him on the shoulder.

He didn't want to take his attention away form her but they were very persistent.

He turned around to find San worriedly pointing at a figure on the pathway, glaring right at him.

Ah. He should have expected this. He was busy thinking about what a big asshole he was.

Kj only stared, however, and continued her run toward campus.

"She does not look happy." Wooyoung quipped. "I would be careful of that one and her resources."

Yeosang wasn't the type to meddle in other people's relationships. But this band became more than 'other people' to him. He would help fix any of their shit in a heart beat. And that kind of scared him. But as he stood, and watched his hyung agonize over, frankly, a very precious gem of a human, a plan began to form in his mind.

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