kindofcashton

[kindofcashton]

𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕕  •  chapter 18  (Calum Hood AU)

IT TOOK AWHILE for the shock to subside before I could even think of moving.  I stayed rooted to the spot, gazing out at where Calum had disappeared and left me behind.  The sun was finally gone from the sky, bathing me in a cool darkness that made me shudder.  I kept hoping to see the headlights of a familiar red mustang approach, willing him to come back to me.  But as the seconds dragged on, I knew this hope was futile.

Scrambling for my phone, I called an uber and hugged my knees to my chest as I waited on a bench.  My mind was oddly empty, despite what had just happened.  I suppose I was numb to Calum’s betrayals at this point; his leaving me in the dust was hardly a surprise.

With my head in my hands, I didn’t even hear the uber pull up until the driver rolled down the window and hollered, “Hey!  I’m here!”

Throwing myself into the backseat, I mumbled a faint greeting and closed my eyes.  The driver clearly thought I was a mess, and he thankfully stayed quiet for the entire ride.  My head tilted against the cool glass window, and I felt nausea rise in my stomach.  Everything from my heart to my head to my stomach was hurting; Calum inflicted full-body pain.  I couldn’t imagine walking through the front door, what fury waited for me at home.  Surely he’d yell some more, insult me until he was blue in the face.  And I would take it, because I knew I was putty in his hands.  One kiss would make me forget all about the pain I felt now.

I was surprised to see the driveway empty of his mustang when I finally arrived home.  It shouldn’t have been a shock that he didn’t come home, but for some reason I was crushed by disappointment.  Yet again I had unrealistic expectations about Calum.  I half-expected him to be waiting on the front porch for me, ready to bare his soul in an apology.

No one was waiting for me, and I entered the dark house alone.

Everyone was asleep, so no one would realize the destruction that occurred tonight.  I refused to let my thoughts wander as I showered and got ready for bed, bile rising in my throat when I glanced into Calum’s empty room.  My head hit the pillow, but I knew I would not be sleeping tonight.  Anxiety gnawed at me, making me think up a million scenarios of where Calum was right now.  Asleep in his car on the side of the road?  Hunched over a bar, drowning his sorrows in whiskey?  Or was he in another girl’s bed, kissing her lips and feeling her skin and giving her his heart?

Needless to say, it was a fitful night’s sleep.  The next morning I must have looked particularly awful, because Luke asked what had happened to me.  I truncated the truth, explaining that Calum and I got in an argument and he ditched me after we got dinner.  Luke was angry at Calum for abandoning me, but I just waved his sympathy off.

“It’s fine, really.  He’s so hot and cold, I shouldn’t have been so surprised.”  I absent-mindedly stirred my coffee, still feeling queasy.

Michael had joined the conversation a few minutes before, and shook his head firmly now.  “No, it’s not.  He can’t just leave you on the side of the street.  What did you guys argue about anyway?”

I bit my lip, unprepared with an excuse.  “Er...something stupid.”  A thought crossed my mind, and I added, “I asked if he wanted dinner and he freaked out and thought it was a date.  I guess even after dinner he was still being weird about us being together, which we definitely are not.”  I felt satisfied with this, since it wasn’t exactly a lie.  Half-truths seemed to be my strong suit lately.

Luke frowned.  “Do you think he secretly wants to be together and was just trying to cover it up?”

I almost laughed; after the blowout, I knew Calum definitely did not want to be with me, but this was a nice sentiment.  “Maybe,” I answered with a shrug.  “I never know what he’s thinking.”

Michael snorted.  “None of us do, Scar.  We just roll with the punches.”

I feigned a smile, connecting my gaze with Hannah who was overhearing our conversation in the living room.  Her frown told me she knew there was more to the story than I’d said, but she knew better than to confront me in front of the guys.

The rest of the day was business as usual.  I had a shift at work, then a phone call with the community college about my admission.  Hannah and I dialed up a movie and ordered pizza when the guys went over to Ashton’s for the night, and so the two of us had a girl’s evening.  Hannah didn’t pry about Calum, but I did admit to her the fight was much more serious.  She told me not to worry, he always did this, but it didn’t ease my anxieties.

When I woke up the next morning, Calum was still missing.  No one had heard from him, and all their calls went straight to voicemail.  The guys didn’t seem nearly as worried as I was, but I forced these feelings down.  It’s fine, Scarlett.  Besides, he doesn’t deserve your attention.  For the rest of the day I forced him out of my mind, distracting myself with work and shopping with Hannah.  Luke and I ran errands after dinner, and I was grateful for his quiet, steady friendship.  Listening to him tell stories about work made me wonder what it would be like to be with a guy like him as opposed to Calum.  Luke was kind and open and incredibly understanding.  Calum was mean and closed off and impatient.  I still saw Luke as just a friend, but for a minute I let myself imagine a different guy who would actually treat me right.

The end of the second day came, and still no sign of Calum.  I knew when I woke up on the third day he’d still be AWOL, and my suspicions were proved correct at breakfast.

“All of his shit is here, he has to come back,” Ashton insisted, joining us for pancakes and waffles that Hannah made.  It was a lazy weekend day, none of us having work and deciding to get together for an extravagant breakfast.  As I tore at my pancakes with my fork rather than eat them, I tried to believe Ashton.  Calum would come back.  He’d have to.  And when he did, I could confront him and get some answers.  Until then, worrying was pointless.

But the pit of nerves inside me only deepened as the hours passed.  I faked plenty of smiles and forced a lot of laughs, but still I couldn’t banish the panic I felt.  More than that, I missed Calum.  Spending every night with someone had felt so good, and suddenly my bed was cold and empty and I yearned for his warmth.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna come?” Hannah asked again.  She and the guys decided to catch a late movie, and I declined their offer to come.  I felt physically sick with worry, and played it off like the pancakes that morning had me nauseous.

“No, I’m alright,” I told her.  “I don’t feel well, so I would hate to ruin the movie.”  I doubted Hannah believed me, but I knew she wouldn’t nag me any further.  I just needed a night to stew and hopefully get over myself.  

“Okay,” she said gravely, clearly unconvinced.  “Call me if you need anything, alright?”

I rolled my eyes, attempting humor.  “Yes, mom.”  She laughed and waved goodbye, and when the front door shut I was finally alone.

It turns out, isolation doesn’t do much to help with stress.  I could barely pay attention to the TV, and I was so queasy I didn’t even want to make dinner.  I just laid on the couch, watching shapes move on the screen but hearing nothing but a gentle droning in my mind.  It would be a long night.

At least that’s what I thought.  Maybe an hour after the others had left, I heard the door open with a bang.  Shooting up off the couch, I heard the stomping of a very disoriented person as they tried to close the door.

“Shit,” the person murmured, and my heart lurched; it was Calum.  Slowly making my way over, I folded my arms and prepared myself.

It was Calum.  He wore the same clothes as he had on the last time I saw him, but they were considerably more wrinkled and dirty looking.  His hair was a mess, and his eyes glinted wildly in the dark.  His staggered movements and overwhelming stench told me he was drunk.  Finally he got the door shut and leaned against it, exhausted from the effort.  His inebriated eyes found mine, swimming with alcohol.  I swallowed roughly, the nausea coming on again.

“Scarlett,” he slurred, raising his hands.  I saw a beer bottle in one of them, sloshing with dark liquid.  Calum’s gaze was shifty, and he struggled to stay standing.  He stumbled forward as if to embrace me, and I stepped back.  He saw this and pouted, swinging his arms out.  “What’re you doing, baby?  Didn’t you miss me?”

At that moment, the nausea and anxiety transformed into stone cold fury.  I set my jaw, glaring at him.  “Where the hell were you?” I demanded.  “It’s been three days, Calum.”

“Pssh, relax,” he chuckled, hiccuping.  “I just...wanted to have some fun.  You’re so wound-up and annoying, so I needed a break.”  I ignored his cruel words and closed my eyes, willing my breathing to relax.  Calum knew exactly how to work me up in the worst way.

“You reek,” I criticized.  “Go take a shower.”  Not wanting to be under his scrutinizing gaze any longer, I stormed up the stairs.  But he was hot on my heels, and I felt his warm breath hit my neck as I fled. 

Attempting to lock myself in my room, I turned to see Calum blocking my door.  “Why’re you so mad,” he slurred, eyes rolling.  “’S not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal?” I cried.  “You were missing for three days!  No one could get a hold of you!  None of us knew if you were alive or dead, Calum!”  I was furious at myself for reacting this way, but I was more furious at him for brushing it off.  He deserved to suffer after making me worry so much.

Calum didn’t reply to my yelling, only slumped against the door and took a swig of beer.  He finished the bottle and tossed it out into the hallway, exhaling loudly.  

Scowling, I tried to push him towards the bathroom.  “Come on, you need a shower.”  It took a lot of effort to lead him away from my room, and I finally sat him down on the toilet seat.  Flicking on the light and closing the door, I started the shower.  Calum watched my movements as I tested the temperature and adjusted the spout.  Crossing my arms, I gestured for him to get up.

“You seriously stink worse than a brewery.  I’m not talking to you until you shower.”  I didn’t even know if he wanted to talk, but he didn’t react when I brought it up which I guess was a good sign. 

Sighing, Calum closed his eyes against the harsh ceiling light and leaned back, kicking off his shoes but not moving to take off his shirt or jeans.

His head hitting the wall, Calum’s expression was suddenly very raw and vulnerable.  He looked broken, like a little boy rather than a grown man.  “It’s my dad,” he murmured, so quietly I almost missed it.  “He’s back, and they want me to see him.”  The bitterness in his voice hurt my heart; I couldn’t imagine the pain of learning someone he’d despised for so long was back in his family’s life.

He got angry all of a sudden, brows furrowing in fury.  “That’s not even all of it.  He’s been back for years.  My mother has known where he’s been for years, and only now do those bastards tell me.  I mean...what the fuck?”  He gripped at his curly hair, pulling it out of frustration.  His muscles were tense, and I hesitated before approaching.  He was like a wounded lion; pitiful and sad, but still capable of ripping me to shreds.

I knelt before him, resting my hand on his thigh.  Calum kept his face covered with his fists, breathing hard.  I breathed out a sigh, unsure of what to say.  “Showering will make you feel better,” I settled on, voice soft.  “Come on, get these dirty clothes off.”  I felt like a mother helping a little child, and a pang of hurt struck me when I wondered if Calum ever had anyone care for him like this before.

Gently, I helped him lift his arms so I could remove his shirt.  Being so close to him made me dizzy, and it was especially painful considering how drunk and angry he was at the world.  Calum might have made a lot of mistakes, but his life certainly didn’t make things easy.  I felt waves of pain rolling off of him, and as they absorbed into me I had to fight tears out of my eyes.

I tossed his soiled shirt to the floor, throat drying at the sight of his bare torso.  His eyes were glazed and looking at the floor, so I slowly grabbed his arm to make him stand.  Calum was like a zombie when I undid his belt, holding my breath as I slid his jeans down.  Undressing was such an intimate act, and I’d done it a dozen times with him before.  But this time, removing his clothes gave me no gratification.  Every inch of skin revealed was just more pain, and I stood up at last when he was only in his boxers.

“I think you can handle the rest,” I whispered, preparing to leave him in the bathroom.  As I turned I felt him grab my arm, his hand warm and firm.  Gasping, he pulled me to face him.

“Don’t go,” Calum begged under his breath, pulling me to his bare chest.  He reeked of alcohol and swayed with intoxication.  He’s drunk, that’s why he wants you, I reminded myself, tears pricking at my eyes.

“Calum--”

“No,” he interjected, holding me tight.  His forehead dropped to my own, our eyes closing as our breathing synced.  “Stay.  Stay with me.”

Lips parting, I gazed up at his desperate and pleading eyes, knowing full well I could not resist him.  So instead of fighting, I pulled my own shirt over my head, never breaking our gaze.  He watched me undress, expression full of emotion as I stripped down to my underwear.  He went to take off his boxers, and I unclasped my bra.

The shower was hot and steaming.  A waterfall of droplets fell onto Calum’s head, wetting his skin and only dampening me slightly.  I watched as water beads slid down his chest, making his skin glisten.  He held me in his arms and pulled me into his wet body, flipping us so the water streamed over me now.  Leaning my head back, I let the rainfall cascade over my face and neck, wetting my hair and leaving crystals of moisture all over me.

Calum’s warm hands slid up and down my body, grazing over my breasts and my hips until he settled on my waist, tilting his head down to capture my lips with his own.  This kiss was incredibly different from the others we’d shared; his lips were earnest and gentle, the usual fiery passion now a lulled heat.  Soft fingers rested on my cheeks, and I pushed my own through his wet curls.  I felt him harden against my thigh, and he leaned back to press his lips to my jaw.  I closed my eyes, relishing the wet heat as he dragged down my neck, biting lightly and causing a moan to rise from my mouth.

His strong body pushed me against the shower wall, and naturally my leg lifted to wrap around his waist.  This caused my center to spread, and I felt his cock slide against my heat deliciously.

I was breathing hard as Calum sucked on my neck, hands splayed out across his wide back as I pulled him closer to me.  One of his hands rested by my head on the wall, the other sliding over my abdomen until he reached where I was aching for him.  I felt his palm slide across my core, collecting the moisture there and letting it mingle with the shower water.  Moaning, I gripped his hair tighter and sloppily kissed his ear, breathing statically with each move of his hand.

His fingers dipped and circled in my folds, finding my clit and pressing on the sensitive bundle of nerves.  My hips bucked into his, and I moved my own hands lower so I could reach him.  As he worked my clit, I found his cock and slid a wet hand along his shaft, causing his breath to hitch.

“Oh, Scarlett,” he groaned, the words like music to my ears.  I worked his length slowly, running my fingers over his swollen tip and feeling him twitch in my palm.  As we pleasured each other, our moans twined together and our lips fumbled in a kiss.  I was close to my edge, and judging from how stiff he was I knew Calum was as well.

The fact that we didn’t have a condom flitted across my mind, and I leaned back to connect my eyes with his.  But what I saw there took my breath away; Calum was looking at me like he never had before.  Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the steam from the shower, but I swore he was looking at me like I created the whole world.

Exhaling softly, I reconnected our lips, forgetting my inhibitions and wanting only to feel him inside of me.  He understood my unspoken desire perfectly, lining up with my entrance.  I felt his tip press into me, and almost cried out from the teasing feeling.

Hooking an arm around his neck, I tilted my hips forward so he pressed in even more, causing my eyes to roll back.  Calum got the hint, and with one flick of his hips he was inside of me.

I would never get used to the feeling of him.  The stretch was unlike any I’d ever experienced, his body fitting with mine like a puzzle piece.  The angle was entirely new since we were standing in the shower, and as he slid out of me I braced for the feeling of reentry.  Sure enough, when he rocked back inside I felt fireworks of pleasure explode inside my body.  Somehow he was hitting even deeper than when we were in bed, and I had to hold on for him for support as he thrusted.

“God, shit,” I cried out, sucking on his ear while he snapped his hips up inside of me.  I was barely staying vertical, the feeling too overwhelming as my knees buckled.  Calum’s strong hands wrapped under my bum, lifting me up so he could thrust harder and my body weight was pushed against the wall.  I wrapped my legs around him, inviting him deeper inside of me.

Without the layer of a condom between us, I could really feel him.  Somehow I felt closer to him this way, truly connected.  No barriers were in the way, and feeling him slide against my walls was a euphoria I would surely become addicted to.

Wet skin rubbed against wet skin, and my nails grazed down the wide expanse of his back.  Calum’s breath washed over my face, his lips parted and eyes closed in bliss.  I let the pure sensations take over, my mind clear of anything except the pleasure he was giving me.

I was nearing my end as his thrusts increased, and my breasts pushed into his chest as I panted.  Calum gripped my ass harder, pushing faster and deeper to deliver us both to our orgasms.  One last thrust hit just the right spot, and a tight ball of pleasure evaporated into sizzling bliss that soaked through every inch of my body.  Just when Calum neared his end he pulled out of me, letting the spurt of white liquid land on my abdomen.  His moans of ecstasy filled my ears, and I clasped his wet body to mine.

We both took a minute to come down from our highs, and finally I opened my eyes to meet his.  Calum gently let my feet hit the floor, and I used my hands to steady myself against him.  Gazing down at me, Calum pushed a lock of wet hair behind my ear.

Wordlessly, I grabbed the soap and began sliding it across his torso.  Calum watched silently as I cleaned him, washing away his pain and letting it spin down the drain.  Next was the shampoo, and I ran my fingers through his curls with a frown.  Calum kissed my down-turned lips, just a light ghosting of contact, and it eased some of the tension in my shoulders.

We washed each other in the scalding water until we stood clean and rejuvenated.  I couldn’t tell if Calum was still drunk, but his expression was definitely clearer than it had been before.  I didn’t know how I felt about what just happened; on the one hand, Calum and I were never closer or more open with one another than when we were having sex.  On the other, if his drunken haze was the only reason he wanted to do it, then it was meaningless.

Refusing to dwell, I stepped out of the shower after switching off the water.  Wrapping myself in a towel, I padded out of the bathroom, thinking that this was it.  But Calum only went to his room for fresh clothes before joining me in mine.  I was unsure how to feel about this; secretly I was overjoyed, but outwardly I remained stoic.  I pulled on a pair of panties and was about to find a shirt when Calum gave me one of his.  Avoiding his eyes, I pulled it over my head.

He wore only a pair of sweatpants, and my legs were bare save for the underwear.  Tentatively, I slid into bed and pulled the covers tightly over myself.  Sensing my trepidation, Calum hesitated before joining me.  Naturally, of course, our bodies moved towards each other until I was laying in his arms, curled against his chest and relishing the gentle stroking of his hand on my back.

We must have laid there forever before either of us spoke.  I didn’t know if I actually wanted to confront him, or if it was time to distance myself and let him go.  But then the sound of his broken voice and the sight of his pain-filled eyes flashed through my brain, and I sighed.  I couldn’t let go of Calum if I tried.

Twisting my neck to look at his face, I said softly, “So what are you going to do?”  About your dad, I wanted to add, but I knew he understood my meaning.  Saying those particular words out loud would’ve hurt even more.

Calum took a deep breath, chest rising underneath my cheek.  I curled my fingers around his bicep, worried he was going to flee.  But he merely shrugged, eyes staring at some point in the wall.

“Nothing,” came his simple answer.  “I don’t want anything to do with them.”

This is what I expected.  I didn’t blame Calum for resenting his parents, especially after years of lying to him, but a small part of me still wished he’d see them.  It was the part that longed for my own parents, the part that missed them every single day.  I would give anything for one last chance to be with them.

“I understand that,” I began slowly, praying Calum wouldn’t react angrily to my suggestion.  “You have every right to be mad.  But...my parents are dead, and I wish I had one last chance to talk to them.  I know it’s hard, but what’s harder is living without them.  And it would be nearly impossible to live with yourself if something happened to them and you had turned down an opportunity to make amends.”

While the words hung in the air, I held my breath.  This was the only attempt I planned to make in order to sway Calum; if he refused even after hearing this, then I’d give up.  Changing his mind was an impossible task.

Calum’s arm tightened around me.  A gentle kiss was placed on the top of my head, and I knew this was his way of comforting me.  He’d never outwardly give me pity over my dead parents, but gestures like these showed me he was there for me.  I nestled deeper into his embrace, drinking in the smell of his skin.

I thought the conversation was over, because a long stretch of time went by.  I was on the verge of sleep when Calum’s voice rumbled softly, “Fine.”

Glancing up at him, I knitted my brows in confusion.  “Fine?”

His brown eyes were conceding, for once in his life.  “I’ll go.  But only if you come with me.”

A small gasp left my lips.  This was yet another instance of Calum claiming he needed me.  I felt a flutter of hope in my chest, the first one in so long.  Biting my lip, I ran a nervous hand through my damp hair.

“I don’t know, Calum.  They’re your family, and I don’t want to pry or overstep--”

“No,” he stopped me, caressing my face with his hand.  I melted into his touch, unraveling under his fingers.  “I can’t face them if you’re not there.  I need you.”

My heart skipped a beat at the familiar words, but I kept my face neutral.  Nodding, I responded, “Okay, I’ll go with you.”  Once the words left my lips he pulled me in for a kiss.  I happily obliged, savoring the taste I had started to forget over the last three days.  His arms were wrapped tightly around me, holding on to me as if for dear life, but he didn’t need to worry.  I wasn’t going anywhere.

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[kindofcashton]

𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕕  •  chapter 17  (Calum Hood AU)

DESPITE THE STARTLING realization that I might in fact be in love with Calum, I didn’t act any differently.  I didn’t hover or cling to him like annoying, love-struck girls would.  In fact, I was almost more distant, using it as a safety precaution in case he caught on to my intensifying feelings.  One night I casually suggested we sleep apart, even though the thought pained me.  Calum’s reluctance was a comfort, but even still he ended up agreeing.  That was one of the longest nights of my life; I laid for hours just staring at the ceiling, wondering if Calum felt as empty as I did without a warm body laying next to mine.

Things at the house were also just better all around.  With Ashton and Hannah on good terms again, the group was tentatively back together.  I interrogated Hannah for answers on what had happened, if their relationship was slowly reforming.  She dodged most of my tougher questions, insisting that they’d put aside any bad blood for the sake of the group.  I didn’t entirely buy this; something definitely happened, but for whatever reason Hannah wasn’t ready to tell me.  I didn’t demand any more details, seeing as I was withholding plenty myself.  Hannah thought Calum and I were just fooling around, no strings attached.  While that was what was supposed to be going on, my feelings lately had confused things.  By no means was I going to tell a soul what I felt, but even keeping it inside still made the whole thing feel different.  I leaned deeper into Calum’s kisses, I held his gaze longer when he rocked inside of me.  My body was communicating all on its own, and I just hoped Calum didn’t catch on to these subtle changes.

After a particularly hot and passionate night together, I was frantic to go off to work.  Calum’s heady pants still echoed in my ears, the burn of his fingers still lingering on my skin.  As I sat on the edge of the bed lacing up my sneakers, I felt warm lips press into my neck, and goosebumps raised immediately where he kissed me.

“Back for more?” I joked, not looking over my shoulder.  I’d woken up before him to get ready, leaving him peacefully asleep, or so I thought.  He swiveled his body to sit next to mine on the bed, shoulder bumping my own.  Calum was clad only in black athletic shorts, his toned torso on teasing display.

His nose nestled into my neck, making my lashes flutter.  “I can be quick,” he whispered in a sultry tone, and I pushed him away with a snort.

“I think I’ll need more time to recover after what you did last night,” I reminded him, feeling the residual ache between my legs.  Calum left me the sore in the best way possible, and all day I would have a reminder of his body’s wicked tricks.

Calum smirked at me, flopping over onto the mattress with his hand over his abdomen.  He looked beautifully relaxed, jawline framed by the morning light, his eyes drowsy but content.  I’d never seen him so happy, and for a second I wondered if it was more than just the sex that made him feel this way.

“How long’s your shift?” he asked, eyes closing with a yawn.  I grabbed my bag off the floor and shouldered it with a sigh.

“Long,” I said simply, not looking forward to the strenuous hours ahead.  With community college tuition looming, I asked Mack for as many shifts as I could get, just in case I felt tight on money.  I’d rather have more than enough than barely enough, even if it meant working excruciating hours.  

Calum frowned.  “You’re working so much lately.”  There was an edge to his voice, like he disapproved.

I ran a hand through my hair in aggravation.  “What else am I supposed to do?  My life is getting back on track, and that means more bills to pay.”  I tried to stifle the resentment bubbling up inside me; Calum lounged around day in and day out, doing what he wanted when he wanted to.  Week after week he tore open the checks his mother sent, tossing them carelessly onto his desk.  Usually this didn’t come between us, but with my increased schedule I couldn’t help but feel bitter about his lazy routine.

Clearly a similar thought crossed his mind, and his frown deepened.  He didn’t say anything else, instead taking on a guarded expression.  He was so hard to read sometimes, and when I wanted him to open up he just shut down.  I had no idea how he felt about me going back to school; part of me thought he didn’t care, but another part wondered if he felt insecure that I was growing up and making a life for myself while he wasted time doing nothing important.  I wished he would tell me if he felt this way, but of course he never did.  We didn’t talk about anything that wasn’t surface level, which was fine when we were in our peaceful little bubble.

But I had to live in reality, which meant popping that bubble more frequently.  I couldn’t let Calum distract me from my more important goals, and he just had to learn to deal with my busy lifestyle.

As I was tying my hair into a messy ponytail, Calum suddenly asked, “When do you get off?”

“Seven,” I answered.  “It’s a ten-hour shift with only one lunch break.  I might drop dead from exhaustion.”  A second passed, and I chewed my lip as an idea popped into my head.  “Want to get dinner after I’m finished?”

For some reason this caused Calum to lean up, his posture stiff and his expression incredulous.  “What?”

My brows knit together, puzzled at his odd reaction.  “Dinner.  I’ll be starved after my shift, so I thought you could join me.”

His frown turned into a glare.  “Like a date?”  He sounded defensive and mocking, which didn’t help my already exacerbated mood.

“What, we can’t eat a meal together?  Is that against some hook-up rule or something?”  I couldn’t control the annoyance in my voice; why did Calum always have to complicate things?

“I don’t know, dinner just seems like a weird thing to do.”  I had no idea what he meant by ‘weird’, and his unreadable expression didn’t help me figure it out.

“Whatever, Calum,” I refuted.  “Forget I asked.”  I was already late for work and had to catch the bus, so I didn’t bother staying to bicker any longer.  Admittedly, it hurt that he was so against the idea of us spending time together outside of the bedroom.  I’d suggested dinner as more of a friendship thing than anything else; after all, there was a time when the two of us actually liked one another.

I didn’t realize Calum had followed me until I reached the front door, but his arm blocked me from opening it.  He’d thrown on a shirt and shoes, and his lips were pressed together in a thin line.

Fuming, I crossed my arms and demanded he move.  “I’m late for work, Calum.”

“No, you’re late for the bus,” he countered.  “So let me drive you, and that’ll solve the problem.”  For such a considerate offer, he didn’t sound too nice about it.  His scowl seemed permanently etched on as I followed him to his car.

We drove in silence for a few minutes, not even the sound of the radio to alleviate the tension.  Calum’s knuckles were white as he gripped the wheel, and I leaned as far away from him as possible.

Sensing my irritation, he asked, “Are you gonna be pissed at me for the whole day?”  He sounded accusing, which only made me more infuriated.

“No, Calum.  I’m not gonna waste that much time on you.”  Realizing how harsh the words sounded, I backtracked.  “I just thought we could eat some stupid grilled cheese sandwiches together and maybe do something different for a change.  God forbid I want to spend time with you.”

More silence, so I thought the conversation was over.  But then I glanced over and saw an odd look on his face, almost resembling guilt.

“So it’s not a date?” he reiterated, and I let out an enormous sigh.

“I literally just want to eat food, and not do it alone,” I insisted, so beyond done with this conversation.  But Calum seemed satisfied with my answer, and eased up his tight grip on the wheel.

“Okay, so I’ll pick you up.”  He met my eyes as he pulled into a parking spot near the cafe, stopping the car and filling the air with quiet.  I tried desperately to see the thoughts swirling behind his level brown gaze, but it was a hopeless task.  At least he wasn’t hostile anymore.  I sighed again, hoping my annoyance was well communicated so he knew not to pull this shit again.

“I’ll see you later,” I told him before closing the car door.  I stalked towards the coffee shop, grabbing the strap of my bag for support as I refused to look back.

Roger knew something was up the minute I started working.  I moved angrily as I made the coffees, sighing every so often and grimacing rather than smiling at the customers.  It would be a long day.

“Who pissed in your morning coffee?” he joked after a particularly bad exchange with a customer.  The guy had demanded I remake his cappuccino because it “didn’t taste right”, and when my polite apology wasn’t ass-kissing enough for him he accused me of being a miserable, lazy youth.  I seriously contemplated throwing the hot coffee in his face, but reminded myself I was working these stupid shifts for a reason.  My future.

“Just having a bad day, I guess,” I replied vaguely, but this didn’t satisfy Roger.

“Trouble in paradise, eh?  What’s he done now?”

I couldn’t help but smile at how Roger always jumped to my defense, always blaming Calum when things went wrong.  “I told him I was working late and suggested we get dinner, then he flipped out because he thought I meant it as a date.”

This intrigued Roger, who raised his eyebrows in pleasant surprise.  “Interesting.  He could be using reverse psychology.  I’ll bet he actually does want to go on a date, but wants you to think that he doesn’t.”  Roger tapped the side of his head.  “Smart cookie.”

I laughed, beginning to wipe down the counters after the first morning rush.  “I’m a psychology major and I still can’t figure out what goes in his mind,” I joked.  “I just thought it would be nice to do something together.  Other than what we always do.”  At my insinuation, Roger giggled like a schoolboy.

“Ah, yes, the sex has reached the boring stage, has it?”

I shook my head firmly.  “No, not at all.  It’s still great, just...”  I exhaled sharply, frustrated with the whole situation.  “I really thought it was just gonna be dinner, but then he had to make it weird.  And he was being weird about me working so much, too.  I don’t know what his problem is lately.”

Roger nodded along to my rant, considering the dilemma.  “Well, that’s obvious at least.  He feels left behind.”

I waved the rag excitedly.  “That’s what I thought!  I mean, he doesn’t have any idea what he’s doing, and I have every idea.  I thought maybe he was jealous or insecure, but he’d definitely rather die than tell me this.”

“He’s a guy like that.  We don’t like feeling inferior, and when we do we totally deal with it the wrong way,” Roger informed me.  “He doesn’t know how to process these complex emotions so he’s shutting them out.”

I smiled.  “You don’t need to tell me twice.  Classic defense mechanisms, disconnection from his feelings...”  I trailed off, suddenly feeling guilty.  I shouldn’t psychoanalyze Calum, not when I knew how much he hated that side of me.  But I couldn’t help it when he was being so difficult.

Resting my elbows on the counter, my smile faded into a worried frown.  “What do I do, Roger?  I thought we were in a good place, but lately it just doesn’t feel right anymore.”

“Don’t give up yet,” Roger suggested.  “Give it a little more time.  But if Calum doesn’t start making some changes, cut him loose.  You’ve got better things to deal with than his emotional immaturity.”  Despite the harsh criticism, I knew Roger was right.  Whatever I felt towards Calum didn’t matter if he was jeopardizing my future, and I couldn’t keep dealing with his detached feelings when it made me so exhausted.

For once I actually dreaded the end of my shift.  I had no idea what mood Calum would be in when he picked me up--or if he would even pick me up at all.  I wouldn’t put it past him to abandon me, especially if he wanted to avoid an uncomfortable conversation.  

I ended up cleaning the whole dining area twice, and even resorted to re-mopping the floor which was practically sparkling already.  Roger played along with this for as long as he could, but even his patience was wearing thin.

“We got off half an hour ago, Scarlett,” he criticized, snatching the mop out of my hand.  “I’m going blind from all the sparkly-clean surfaces inside this cafe.”

I sighed, placing my hands on my hips.  “I know, you’re right.  I just...when I’m nervous I like to fix things and be productive, so cleaning--”

“Yeah, yeah, your fatal flaw is that you care too much and you clean all the time.  I swear, you act like you’re the worst person alive when those are barely flaws.”  Roger’s tone was light, but I couldn’t help but look deeper into his joke.  Did Calum think that I didn’t believe I had any flaws?  Caring too much is barely even a character flaw, but that’s what he threw in my face constantly.  Maybe he thought I put myself on a pedestal above him, and that’s why he felt so insecure.

I decided I would try to be less condescending and more open when it came to Calum’s feelings.  I only hoped he would actually appreciate this effort, and maybe start making some positive changes of his own.

The sun was bleeding into the sky as it set below the horizon, casting a pale orange glow about the earth.  I glanced around outside the cafe, searching for that signature red mustang that always made my heart skip a beat.

Sure enough, it was parked right across the street, and Calum was leaning casually against it.  He looked good; typical black jeans and sneakers with a big red flannel over a band shirt.  My face broke into a surprise smile; I remembered wearing that shirt just a few nights ago.

When I approached, Calum’s brows raised disbelievingly.  “What’s with the face?” he questioned, referring to my dumb grin. 

I shrugged.  “I don’t know, I guess I wasn’t exactly sure if you’d show up.”  It was an honest answer, and I didn’t think lying or placating Calum would help either of us.

His lips twisted into a sardonic smirk.  “Of course I showed up; I would never miss our date.”  He said this with obvious bitter sarcasm, but the crinkles around his eyes softened the delivery.  I rolled my eyes, amused by his stubborn refusal to get over the whole “date” thing.

“I’m starved, where should we go?”  I’d eat just about anything right now, but a grilled cheese sounded particularly mouth-watering.

“Luke says there’s a new diner open by the music shop.  Says it’s more upscale than the truck-stop places we always go to.”

I nodded, pleased with the idea of trying out a new place with Calum.  This felt like something regular friends did, and although Calum and I were definitely out of the ordinary, I enjoyed it nonetheless.

The diner was fairly packed when we got there, but we managed to snag one of the last open booths.  There was no question about what we’d order; as soon as the waitress showed up, we asked for two grilled cheeses.

I sipped my coke and gazed out the window at the bustling city streets.  My muscles relaxed into the cushioned booth as the day’s stress lifted from my shoulders.  Work was taxing, as always, but worth it in the end.  

Neither of us minded the quiet, since we were so used to each other’s presence.  A few times I felt Calum’s knee brush mine under the table, and my lips twitched at this subtle motion.

“Why’d you get out so late?  Mack ask you to stay longer?”  Calum twirled his unopened plastic straw between his fingers, and for a second the movement mesmerized me as I thought about his skilled fingers.

“No, I just wanted to clean the place up.  I didn’t have to stay.”

Calum scoffed lightly, and I worried I said something wrong.  “Always so selfless,” he muttered, but I couldn’t detect if he was joking or not.  “Do you ever do anything wrong?”

The question was rhetorical, but I took the opportunity to open up a little and show Calum that I could be vulnerable.  “Yeah, all the time.  What do you think me lying to everyone was about?”

He frowned, unsatisfied by the answer.  “You lied out of loyalty to a friend, that’s hardly wrong.”

“Okay, then I leech off all of you by living rent-free.  I’m cheap, I’m a cheap-skate.”  I was grasping at straws, anything to show that I didn’t think I was some perfect angel.  And I didn’t.  I knew I was flawed and I hated that Calum thought I wasn’t; that would just set him up to be disappointed when he realized I wasn’t as amazing as he thought.

Calum just rolled his eyes at this attempt.  “You whine about feeling bad every day, that’s hardly being a leech.”

Sitting back with a defeated sigh, I demanded, “Well, what do you want me to say?  I’m showing you everything I do wrong and you’re denying all of it.”

“Because you don’t do anything wrong.  You’re so kind it makes my teeth hurt, and there’s never a doubt in anyone’s mind that you’re genuine.  You’re perfect, Scarlett.”  He said this matter-of-fact, like I was a little kid he was explaining something very simple to.

I ignored the way his final sentence made me feel.  You’re perfect, Scarlett.  Did he really see me that way?  Was I perfect to him?  Or perfect for him?  I hoped it was the latter, and bit my lip to hide my inner turmoil.  Calum danced along a very thin line all the time: the line between what we were now, and what I secretly wanted us to be.  What kind of friend-with-benefits says you’re perfect?  I tried to convince myself he didn’t mean it, that it was supposed to be mocking, but the sincerity in his eyes was telling me otherwise.

Thankfully, the waitress interrupted us with food and gave us both an excuse to change the subject.  As soon as she left, Calum and I collectively cringed; the sandwiches were cut down the middle.

Calum exhaled gravely, shaking his head.  “Gonna have to tell Luke this place isn’t so great after all.  I mean, they really fucked up here.”

I laughed, pretending to push my plate away.  “Get that waitress back here, we’ll set her straight.”  As we both joked over the grilled cheese, any intensity or confusion from before was banished.  The meal was quickly over, and I won the argument for which of us would pay for the food.  While we got up to leave, Calum grumbled about having to take me out again so that he could pay and make us even.

When he said this, I had to hide my blushing smile.

The night wasn’t too cold, and we decided to walk for a little bit before driving home.  Our hands swayed close to one another’s, and I willed Calum to twine his fingers with my own.  But the backs of our palms grazed a few times, and he made no move to change this.

As we passed by a familiar building, I pointed it out to Calum.  “That’s one of the places Hannah and I looked at.  The apartment is actually pretty nice, but there’s god-awful green bathroom tile that makes me nauseous just looking at it.”

Calum smiled vaguely, his expression distant.  “You can’t live there, the location is awful.”

I knitted my brows together.  “It’s right by the coffee shop.”

He shook his head.  “Yeah, but way too far from the house.  We’re never gonna see you guys if you live there.”

I chuckled, looking down at the pavement as we walked.  “I think you just don’t want me to move out,” I concluded.

Calum’s smile tightened.  “Yeah, who else would constantly wear the shirts that are supposed to be mine?”

My shoulder nudged him jokingly as I teased, “Admit it, you love seeing me in your tee shirts.”

He paused in walking, and my grin faded.  Had I been too serious?  Was using the word love a mistake?  Panic welled up in my chest, and I feared I ruined an otherwise perfect evening.

And then all of a sudden his phone began to ring, and I let out a breath I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding.  Saved by the bell, I thought, wondering what would have happened if we weren’t interrupted.

Calum fished through his pocket for his phone, pulling it out and glancing at the screen.  His expression immediately darkened, and my stomach sank upon seeing this.

“Who is it?”  It was a stupid question, because I knew he wouldn’t answer.  Calum squared his shoulders and started walking, leaving me to hurriedly catch up to him.

“No one,” he snapped when I reached him, anticipating my badgering questions.  “Drop it, okay?”

I opened my mouth to protest, but then remembered the promise I’d made to myself earlier.  Don’t be condescending.  So I kept my mouth shut, and instead focused on keeping up with Calum’s long strides.

He glanced at me a few times, surprised I wasn’t trying to get answers out of him.  Once I met his eyes, and saw the deep thought hiding behind his brown orbs.  I wished he’d let me in on what he was thinking, but I settled with not knowing.  

A minute passed, and then his phone chimed, indicating the caller had left a voicemail.  We both tensed, but I didn’t expect him to listen to it.

So I was surprised when he whipped his phone out and brought it to his ear, stopping again to listen to the message.  I stood a few feet from him, keeping enough distance that I couldn’t eavesdrop on the call, even though I was dying to know who it was.

I watched Calum’s face as he listened, taking in the subtle narrowing of his eyes, the lowering of his brow in shock.  His lips parted, and all I wanted to do was kiss away the storm brewing behind his eyes.

The voicemail ended, and Calum shoved his phone back in his pocket.  But this time when he tried to continue walking, I stopped him, stepping in front of his chest and placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Calum,” I started gently, lifting my eyes to his.  He avoided my quizzical stare, breathing hard.  “What is it?  What’s wrong?  You can tell me.”

He pushed a hand roughly through his hair, glaring everywhere but at me.  “It’s nothing, Scarlett.  Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m not,” I defended.  “But maybe you should since whoever it is makes you feel this angry.”

Finally he turned his angry eyes on me, and I inhaled sharply at the fury I saw there.  “Fine, it was my mother who called.  Satisfied?”  He pushed me aside in order to storm off, and I was too stunned to move for a moment.

But then I jogged to catch up, breathless and confused.  “Your mother?  What did she want?  I thought she only reaches out through the checks.”

Calum looked ready to boil over.  “She does, but apparently she felt the need to call me.”  He appeared to be fighting over his next words, before finally stating, “She wants me to come home for a visit.”

I took a minute to let this information sink in.  Instinctively I was thrilled; his mother reaching out was a promising sign that their fractured relationship could be healed.  But then I considered the ramifications of her request.  She wouldn’t just ask out of the blue if something else wasn’t going on.  And she had to know that Calum wasn’t exactly warm and fuzzy when it came to family stuff, so why not go about it delicately, not so sudden and shocking?

I tried in vain to read Calum’s expression, finding nothing but frustration and anger.  It pained me to see him so tense, but I didn’t just want to coddle him, I wanted to help him.

“Why not go?” I proposed softly, trying not to set him off.  “It might be good to see her.”

Calum snickered at this, and I winced.  “You’re shitting me, right?”  He sounded harsh and mocking, and I struggled to hold my ground.

“I know you’re confused and hurting,” I said firmly.  “But you don’t have to take it out on me.  I just want to help you.”

“Of course you do, because I’m your favorite little charity case,” he retaliated.  “Give it a rest, Scarlett.  I don’t need you smothering me.”

Fuming, I folded my arms and didn’t shy away from his steely gaze.  “No, Calum.  You can be an asshole and you can bitch about whatever you want, but don’t you dare take it out on me.  I’m just suggesting you patch up your relationship with your mother, or at least give it a try--”

“What makes you think you know what’s best for me?” he snarled.  “You don’t know me, you have no right to tell me what to do.  We’re not even friends, so why do you care?”

I huffed in disbelief, pressing a hand to my forehead.  “Why do I care?  Maybe because I’m not an emotionless husk who has no idea how to express his feelings!  We’re sleeping together for God’s sake--”

“And that makes us what, a couple?  You think you’re my girlfriend?  We’re not even friends, Scarlett.”  

Each word cut me like a knife, voicing the exact anxieties that had been eating away at me for weeks.  “I know we’re not, which is why I wanted to go to dinner and spend some freaking time together!”  I was embarrassed at how high my voice had gotten, how pathetic I sounded when I was trying to defend myself.

Calum chuckled darkly.  “I don’t want to be friends with you.  You always do this, you always force your way into other people’s problems because you think it involves you when it doesn’t.”  His hard eyes met mine.  “You’re nothing more than a good lay, and I can get that anywhere.”

I tried to remember how to breathe as I watched his figure get smaller and smaller, walking farther and farther away from me.  Each step he took was a stab to my heart, until he was out of view and I was left bleeding alone in the street.

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[kindofcashton]

𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕕  •  chapter 16  (Calum Hood AU)

MY LIFE WAS a never-ending paradise.  For the first time in months, I woke up with a smile on my face that lasted until I fell asleep again that night.  Never had I experienced such tranquility, such persistent joy as I felt now.  It was nearly impossible to worry about anything, feel sad about anything.  Not when he was next to me, near me, with me.  Calum and I spent nearly every night together, our hands perpetually entangled, our bodies constantly connected.  We woke up together, went to bed together, spent the day dreaming about one another.  Being away from him, even for something I enjoyed like work or shopping with Hannah, became a nuisance.  I spent all my time thinking about him and the next time we could be together.

But the thing is, we weren’t together.  There was no label slapped onto whatever relationship we’d formed.  I didn’t consider him my boyfriend, and I certainly wasn’t his girlfriend.  We spent the nights together, and then when daylight came we were elusive lovers, dancing around each other so as not to alert the others.  Hannah I had told, of course.  She knew every detail of my affair with Calum, and squealed over how “romantic” it was.  I firmly told her there was nothing romantic or emotional about it; we were merely two adults sleeping together and having fun.

As for the guys, I’m sure they’d caught on to something.  Seeing me emerge from Calum’s room or him from mine was definitely a dead giveaway.  But when we were downstairs, Calum and I rarely interacted beyond hastened smiles and loaded glances.  Occasionally his hand would grace mine in the kitchen, reminding me of where his fingers had been the night before.  Just a single look from him sparked butterflies like I’d never known before, and I had to bite my lip to keep from grinning.

When we were really at our best was when we slept together.  The chemistry our bodies shared was unparalleled, and I’d never experienced such passion with anyone before.  Calum knew my body like he’d spent his whole life mapping it out, knowing all my favorite places and secret spots.  I knew every curve of his back, every stretch of skin and cluster of moles.  We explored each other until nothing was foreign territory, every part of ourselves bared for the other to glimpse.  But we didn’t grow tired of each other; every night was a new discovery, the excitement never waning.  If I could, I’d spend the rest of my life in bed next to him, our bodies naked and pressing together.

Neither of us let emotions complicate things.  Despite my bold display of breaking up with Nick for him, I knew that was no indication of a deeper relationship with Calum.  We were barely even friends, as we didn’t hang out together outside of the bedroom.  And as for exclusivity, there wasn’t really any.  If a guy flirted with me at work, I flirted back.  I’m sure Calum did the same when he disappeared during the day.  For me, I knew I’d never consider sleeping with anyone else, but just the idea of having the option was comforting; exclusivity was suffocating, and the last thing I wanted was to ruin the carefree fun Calum and I were having.

His normally brooding, mean personality actually turned out to be different than I thought.  Calum’s sense of humor was dark, not mean.  He wasn’t brooding, just thinking hard.  Now I enjoyed his snarky remarks, the way he’d tease me with a smirk.  Things that used to infuriate me now fired me up, and I giggled at his scowls.  I hoped he felt the same about me, that I wasn’t annoying or stubborn but dedicated and organized.  Seeing a new perspective of him was refreshing, and I looked at him with hungry new eyes.  I couldn’t keep a smile off my face when I was with him, and I saw his usual smirk twist into a crooked grin.

One morning, I stood up out of bed a little earlier than normal.  After a long night in my room leaving us both blissfully exhausted, I wanted nothing more than to sleep all day, but I had something important to do.  I’d been in touch with an advisor at the local community college, and today we’d be meeting to discuss my possible enrollment.  I felt secure enough at the cafe to start planning to go back to school, and I was both nervous and thrilled about the upcoming discussion.  I hoped it would be seamless, an easy process that wouldn’t strain my nerves or my wallet.  Things were going so good lately, I would hate for something to ruin it.

Calum groaned from the bed, and naturally my lips spread into a smile.  I was fishing through my closet, wearing only panties and his tee shirt that I’d hastily put on to cover up.  It smelled like him, and I almost wished I could wear it to the meeting for good luck and comfort.  

“What’re you doing?” he asked, voice gruff from sleep.  I glanced back and saw his ruffled hair and tired eyes.  He looked about ready to fall back to sleep, but when he looked over at me his eyebrows raised approvingly.  Clearly me in his shirt had pleasantly surprised him.

“I have an interview,” I explained, turning back to find the right clothes.  I wanted to look professional and mature, but not too stuffy.  After all, this was a community college, and my transcript spoke for itself.  I opted for a white skirt and matching blazer, then pulled a black turtleneck to wear underneath.  This was probably my nicest outfit, and I chewed my lip contemplating which heels to wear.

“Where at?”  Calum yawned and stretched his long arms, chest bare as the blankets fell around his waist.  I began to undress, pulling his shirt over my head so I could put on a bra.

“The community college,” I answered, but he seemed too distracted by my body to care.  I rolled my eyes as I hooked the bra clasp, shimmying into the skirt and fighting with the zipper.  Calum whistled as I stood only in the skirt and my bra, leaning on his forearm with a smirk.

“You expect me to let you leave looking like that?”  His suggestive tone made me flush, and I pulled the turtleneck over my head with a shy smile.

“I’m actually really nervous,” I admitted, fiddling with my hair and wondering how much makeup I’d need to cover the dark circles under my eyes.  Calum leaned back onto the disarrayed pillows that we’d strewn about during last night’s antics.

“You have no reason to worry, you’re like the smartest, most collegey person I’ve ever met.”  Although his eyes were closed and his tone was breezy, I took his words to heart.  It touched me that he saw me so highly, and for a second I wondered if this is what it felt like to have him as my boyfriend.  Someone supportive who helped me achieve my dreams, someone to come home to after a long day to unwind and just be with.

Shaking my head, I forced these thoughts out of my head.  Calum was not my boyfriend, and I didn’t want him to be.  He was just saying what I wanted to hear, and his voice was breezy because he didn’t really care.  Swiping on some mascara and enough concealer to brighten my complexion, I exhaled deeply.  You’ve got this.

Not wanting to seem clingy or overly invested, I simply stepped into my black heels and grabbed my bag, giving Calum a distracted goodbye before leaving him behind.  As I descended the stairs I missed him already, yearning for his touch and his gaze.   

Hannah caught me before I left, piece of toast in her hand as she hugged me, careful not to get crumbs on my crisp blazer.  

“You’re gonna kill it, Scar,” she declared.  “Seriously, this college is gonna be begging just to have you enroll.”

I nodded, letting her words give me some encouragement.  “I hope so.  I hope I’m not a desperate, fumbling mess.”

She straightened my blazer and flattened my hair with a smile.  “You don’t look like a mess from the outside.”  I gave her a grateful hug before hurrying out the door, making sure to get to the bus stop on time.  I’d contemplated asking Calum to drive me, since it was easier, but that approached boyfriend territory.  So instead, I took a seat on the crowded public bus and braced myself for the upcoming meeting.

The campus was smaller than my other school, but that was to be expected.  The groundskeepers clearly did their best trying to spruce up the boring landscape with sculpted bushes and brick paths.  The buildings were plain but architectural, with lots of windows and glass roofs.  For such a small, cramped college it could have been a lot worse.  I felt slightly embarrassed to be downgrading so much from the fancy university I’d previously attended, but then I reminded myself that a degree was a degree.

I found the building I was meant to be in and located the advisor’s office rather quickly.  A plump, kind-faced secretary told me Ms. Price would be with me in a few minutes, and I took a seat by a big window.  Some students were milling about below, and I imagined myself here.  Just the prospect of getting back to school was exciting, no matter where I went.  

Five minutes passed by in a flash, and then I was seated in front of Ms. Price herself, crossing my legs to fight off my nerves.  She was a middle-aged woman with short, wispy red hair and leathery skin.  I watched as her eyes scanned my records, glancing over the notes about my parents’ death and my subsequent bankruptcy, but all this information did was make her brows lift slightly.

Her unreadable expression deterred me, and for a second I panicked that she was going to reject me.  But then she snapped the file closed and laced her fingers together, thin lipstick-rimmed lips tilting into a polite smile.

“Well Miss Mercer, your transcript speaks for itself.”  I smiled slightly as she confirmed my earlier estimate.  “Your grades are immaculate, and I’m surprised you’re such a put-together young woman after everything you’ve been through.”

I smiled graciously.  “School was my motivation through it all, really.  I just want to get my life back on track, and that means finishing my degree.”

Ms. Price nodded.  “A wise decision.  An education will do you well later in life.  I assume you have a career path laid out for yourself?”

“Yes, I’d like to become a social worker.  My degree is in psychology, but I have a focus in counseling.”  Bringing up my future goals reminded me how desperately I wanted to achieve them.  Even though my fling with Calum was fun, I also wanted my professional life to start as soon as possible so I could settle down.  

Sifting through a few papers and peering over her glasses, Ms. Price was quiet for a moment.  I took her long pauses to just be results of her no-nonsense, blatant disposition.  She wasn’t going to shower me in praise, which was fine.  All I needed was confirmation of my enrollment.

Finally, she said, “You have your finances in order?  Community college is less expensive, but still an expense all the same.”

I nodded.  “Yes, I have a steady job that should help me pay for it.”  I could even afford to move out with Hannah, if I wanted to, but that was still a huge proposition that I was not all that inclined to take. 

Ms. Price gave a final nod of her head, and set down the papers in her hand.  “Well then, Miss Mercer, I don’t see why we can’t admit you for the next semester.”

Pure jubilation flooded through me, and I tried to keep my wild grin contained and professional.  Reaching out to shake her hand, I thanked Ms. Price profusely.  “This means the world to me, ma’am, truly.  I won’t let you or the college down.”

My exuberance must have cracked her resolve a little, because she gave me an amused expression.  “I’m quite sure of it, dear.”

It was all I could do not to skip out of the office.  I felt on top of the world, and I whipped my phone out to spread the good news.  For a second my finger hovered over Calum’s number, and I wished I could call him up to gush about my success.  But then I kept scrolling and called Hannah instead.  She picked up instantly and I practically screamed the news at her, causing her to scream herself.  I wandered through campus with a stupid smile on my face, rushing my words as I tried to articulate my excitement.

“We have to celebrate tonight,” I insisted.  “After my shift, we should do something.”

“Totally,” Hannah confirmed.  “I’ll rally the troops.”

I hung up and sighed, thinking about how I would celebrate with Calum specifically.  I let the stupid grin shine on my face as I stared up at the bright sky.  Things were better than good right now; they were damn near perfect.

- - - - -

Roger gave me the biggest hug I’d ever received when I told him about getting into community college, and even Mack emerged from the back room to congratulate me.  He jokingly warned me not to prioritize school work over my work here, and I vowed nothing would ever be more important than making coffee.  I also filled Roger in on my recent activities with Calum, and he swooned with each story.  Roger insisted we were made for each other and needed to just get married already, and I always waved him off.  That comment was too close to Hannah’s soulmate explanation, and I refused to get my hopes up.

The shift ended quickly, thankfully.  I was so excited about the night out that time seemed to fly by unusually fast.  I sprinted home and burst through the door, finding Hannah in the kitchen and giving her a tight hug.

She pulled back and pretended to get choked up.  “I’m just so proud,” she said emotionally, wiping an invisible tear from her eye.  “My little girl off to college--again.”  We laughed, and I tentatively smiled at Luke over her shoulder.  He shot me a thumbs up, and my anxiety lessened.  I think I was finally back to normal with Luke and Michael after a rocky few weeks, and I was grateful.  I loved them as friends, and wanted to celebrate as a group.

I was surprised to see Ashton in the living room, and even he managed to offer up a sincere congratulations.  I sent Hannah a glance, full of wordless questions that she pursed her lips at.  One tilt of her head towards the basement told me she’d fill me in later.

“So, are you joining us tonight?” I asked Ashton after the excitement over my news died down.  “You’re more than welcome to come, I want everyone to have a good time.”

Ashton nodded, not looking at Hannah.  “Yeah, should be fun.”

I followed Hannah downstairs to start getting ready, throwing off my blazer before crossing my arms with an expectant look.  “Well?  When the hell were you gonna tell me about Ashton?”

Hannah fell onto the pullout bed from the couch, shrugging with a small smile.  “There’s nothing to tell, really.  We...talked, recently.  Decided to be civil.”  She shrugged again.  “I don’t know if it’ll ever be the same, but at least now we can be in the same room again.”

I knew she was secretly overjoyed at being on speaking terms with Ashton again, but it was smart not to get her hopes up.  We had both worked on this, now careful and cautious instead of overly optimistic.  We got ready to go out together, curling each other’s hair and critiquing outfits.  The dress I wanted to wear was up in my room, so I padded upstairs with my hair and makeup done.

Emerging into my room, I saw the bed had been sloppily made and the pillows rearranged.  I smiled; it was a thoughtful gesture from Calum.  I slid the white skirt down my legs, tossing off the turtleneck and breathing in relief as the restricting fabric was finally off.  I found the dress I’d been searching for, pulling it out triumphantly.  It was made of a royal blue crushed velvet material that hugged my body perfectly.  I’d bought it recently with Hannah, and was excited to show it off tonight.  I hoped one person in particular noticed it, or more importantly how good I looked in it.

As I fumbled with the zipper, there was a knock at my door.  Calum peered in, and I smiled.  “Perfect, get over here.  I need your help.”

He shut the door behind him, taking in my appearance as he approached.  I turned around so he could reach the zipper, inhaling sharply as I felt his fingers at the base of my back.  He stood very close to me, breath washing over my neck as he gently pulled the zipper up.  His knuckles grazed my exposed skin as the dress began to cover it, and when he finished he ghosted his fingers across my shoulder and down my arm.

“I heard the news,” he murmured into my ear.  “Congratulations.”  I turned to face him, resting a hand on his chest.  His brown eyes sparked slightly, and his full lips were upturned in a small smirk.  I leaned forward to press a kiss to his lips, and I felt him smile into my mouth.  Just like always, heat spread out from our point of contact, and I felt my fingers tangle into his curls.  His large hands cupped around my waist, pulling me close until I broke the kiss off.

“This is new,” I commented, running my fingers over the army green fabric of his bomber jacket.  The color complimented him well and I admired the way it fit his broad shoulders.  

He rolled his eyes at my obvious ogling.  “I do go shopping, you know.”

I laughed.  “Really?  Most of your tee shirts have holes in them.”

Calum’s smirk transformed into a smile, making the butterflies flutter in my stomach.  “You don’t seem to mind the holes when you’re wearing them,” he said darkly, and I felt a familiar heat building in my stomach.  I gave him another kiss, dragging this one out slightly longer.

“Maybe I could wear one later tonight,” I suggested, hinting at another round of late-night antics.  Calum snorted, squeezing my bum lightly.

“You can’t tease me like this when we’re at the club, you know,” he informed me, and I sighed.

“Fine.  I guess I’ll save all the teasing for after, then.”  At my seductive wink, he groaned, and I ducked away from his attempt at a kiss, giggling at his frown.  We joined the others downstairs, and I saw Hannah and Ashton awkwardly standing next to each other.  Hannah’s shoulders were stiff due to their proximity, but even with her tight posture she still looked good in her blush pink dress.  Ashton was clearly trying not to look at his ex in such a short dress, and cleared his throat when Calum and I entered.

“Can we go, already?  I’ll drive Luke and Scarlett, you take Michael and Hannah.”  Ashton signaled to Calum, who nodded curtly.  Already our bodies naturally drifted away from one another like they always did in public.  I didn’t mind riding separately since we weren’t supposed to be dating and the guys thought we didn’t care.  I watched Calum head for his mustang and already missed his warmth, but pushed away this feeling as I climbed into Ashton’s car.

I chatted with Luke about our shifts at work, me relaying a story about a crabby customer and him complaining about his boss.  Ashton chimed in every now and then, which I appreciated.  I really did like Ashton, despite being on Hannah’s side in their civil war.  I just hoped he would forgive her soon, because I knew how much she was still hurting.

We tried out a new club tonight, this one bigger and grander than the ones we’d previously been to.  It was mobbed, and I had to hold Hannah’s hand to keep from losing track of her.  I wanted Calum to grab my hand too, but didn’t let the disappointment get to me that much when he didn’t.

Michael ordered a round of shots and dedicated a toast in my honor.  We all knocked back a shot and I felt the fiery liquid blaze down my throat.  I managed not to cough, and instead grabbed another.  Calum was to my left, and he watched me take a second shot with sparkling eyes.

“Easy, killer.  I don’t want to have to carry you home.”  He was joking, but his hooded eyes gave me a different impression.  I could tell he was savoring my appearance under the roving lights, watching me down shots and smile carelessly.  I licked my lips, tasting a hint of alcohol, and gave him a coy wink.

“Maybe that’s exactly what I want,” I purred, causing his jaw to clench.  “But for now, I’m gonna go dance.”  I knew Calum wasn’t a fan of dancing, but I knew watching me from a distance would kill him.  I grabbed Hannah’s hand and wove through the crowd until we found a good spot on the dance floor.  Hannah threw her arms around my neck with a grin, and we danced to the loud remix playing over the thundering speakers.  Our hips swayed and our feet jumped, throwing our hair back as we let ourselves succumb to the night.

I felt multiple pairs of eyes on us, and glanced around to check who was looking.  To my surprise, Ashton had his eyes glued on Hannah, and I whispered this in her ear.  Immediately, a stupid grin spread onto her face as she let out a laugh.

Calum was also watching me, but his eyes were much darker than Ashton’s.  His fingers were tight around a scotch glass, and his tense posture told me everything I needed to know.  He wanted me, and the distance between us was driving him crazy.

With an evil grin, I told Hannah I’d be right back and began to move toward the bathroom.  Without even looking I knew Calum was following me, and my grin only widened when we both entered the small bathroom alone.  The click of the door locking made the hair on my neck stand up, and I sat back against the sink.  Calum stayed by the door, brows low over his eyes as he smirked at me under the dim lighting.

I shook my head, making a tsk tsk sound.  “For someone who’s trying to keep our fling under wraps, you sure can’t keep your eyes off of me.”  I knew mocking him was dangerous, but I loved making him squirm.

Calum pushed off the door and came closer to me, hands sliding up my sides as he sighed.  “What can I say?  Seeing you like this does things to me.”

He leaned in to kiss my neck, and I let my eyes close as I exhaled in bliss.  He sucked at a point below my ear, causing my hands to grip at his biceps.  I angled my lips toward his ear, whispering, “And what things would that be, exactly?”

I heard a small groan rumble in his throat, and he pulled back to meet my devilish eyes.  His fingers closed around my wrist, pulling my hand down his front all the way to his pants.  I felt the mound growing there, grinning as he sucked in a breath when I pressed against it gently.

“Ah,” I responded.  “That thing.”  I lifted off of the sink and used one hand to push Calum back until he was against the far wall.  His breathing was hard, brow furrowed in slight confusion as he anticipated what I would do.  Grinning, I took his ear lobe gently between my teeth and tugged, eliciting another groan.

My hands, now experts at working his belts, toyed with the buckle until it released.  I then undid the button of his jeans, leaving a trail of wet kisses along his jaw as I did this.  I placed a chaste kiss on his lips before looking through my lashes into his eyes, dropping to my knees and causing his eyes to spark with lust.

Delicately, I pushed his jeans aside and revealed his straining boxers, smiling slightly as I kissed down his stomach and gradually bringing my lips lower.  I pulled the elastic band down, revealing a soft trail of hair before running my hand along the smooth skin, springing his erection free.  I admired his long, stiff length, touching my fingers ever so slightly to the warm skin.  Gently grabbing hold of it and bringing it towards my lips, I let a warm breath wash over the throbbing tip.

Calum groaned at the sensation, and when I glanced up I saw his eyes were shut with pleasure.  I wrapped my hand around the base of his cock, feeling it twitch with excitement.  Leaning down, I slid my tongue up the side of his shaft, earning a muted growl of satisfaction.  Reaching the tip, I closed my lips around the head of his cock, beginning to swirl my tongue around the warm skin.  

“Shit,” Calum breathed when he felt my mouth on him.  His hands wrapped into my hair as I sank my mouth lower onto him, taking as much of him as I could.  He hit the back of my throat, and his hiss echoed in my ears as I used my hands to work the part I couldn’t reach.

I dragged his cock in and out of my mouth, tongue massaging as I went.  My lips formed a tight O around him as I moved my lips, bobbing my head rhythmically.  Carefully I used my tongue to lick at his slit, and his hips bucked forcefully.  Grinning, I pulled him out of my mouth and used my hand for a second, licking around his tip teasingly.

“Holy--” Calum started, gripping my hair tighter.  His cock was rigid and trembling now, telling me he was close to finishing.  I licked the flat of my tongue back up his length, then took all of him in my mouth once again.  I moved faster this time, focusing on getting as much of him as I could.  Swear words echoed in my ears as he unwound above me, fist banging against the wall to keep from moaning too loudly.

I pushed him against my throat particularly hard, and when I heard his strangled cry I knew he had been pushed over the edge.  His cock twitched in my mouth, shooting out a sticky liquid that I promptly swallowed.  I slowly took him out of my mouth, kissing his swollen tip before rising off of my knees.

Without hesitating, Calum smashed his lips to mine, not caring where I’d just been.  He kissed me with a fervor, and I felt waves of gratitude rolling off of him.  I grinned into the kiss, happy to have pleased him so much.  When he pulled away to redo his belt, I sucked at his neck and kept my hand on the side of his face.

He caught my eye and smirked at my triumphant expression.  “You’re evil,” he growled, squeezing my hips and earning a chuckle from me.  I pushed at a bit of hair that covered his forehead, marveling in his spectacular brown eyes.

“Only for you, baby,” I drawled.  The smirk on my face faded as I saw something flash across his face.  It was there for only a brief instant, but I saw the change nonetheless.  His lust-filled eyes had warmed for a second, his expression more than just pleased that I’d gone down on him.  The way he held me in his arms communicated more than he would ever say, and when his lips parted my heart stopped.

“We should go.”

Those were not the three words I was expecting.  Anger at myself and humiliation at getting so excited over nothing pricked at my mind, and I couldn’t help but frown.  What was I thinking?  What about this situation was romantic?  It was dirty, and hot, and definitely more than a little bit fun.  But that’s all it was; I shouldn’t have been so stupid to look deeper into it. 

He kissed me one last time before taking my hand and leading me out of the bathroom, and when he faced away I dropped my fake smile and took a shaky breath.  

Calum and I separated for the rest of the night, like we normally did.  We both tried to appear nonchalant, coming up with different excuses for where had just been.  I danced with Hannah more, giggling when Luke and Ashton joined us.  I danced with Luke while I spied on Ashton and Hannah, who were closer to each other than they’d been in weeks.  Ashton’s hands were awkward on her hips, careful not to roam, and she looked stiff beside him.  But I also detected a bit of optimism in her eyes when she gazed up at him, and I prayed he didn’t break her heart again.

When it was time to leave, I rode home with Calum this time.  Hannah had asked me to switch in a hushed voice, and reading her wide eyes I knew she’d had a decent night.  I was glad to switch, since it meant more time with Calum.  I refused to let my slip up in the bathroom shake me, and instead met Calum’s eyes in his rear view mirror as Michael drunkenly explained something I couldn’t quite make out.  Calum’s eyes were light and joking, and he pretended to nod along with Michael’s story.  I leaned against the window and stared out at the dark night sky, pleasantly buzzed and positively exhausted.

It was no surprise when Calum and I went into the same room.  Tonight it was his, since we’d stayed in mine the night before.  We didn’t have a set routine, but we were so in sync we did the same thing anyway.  He helped me unzip my dress, once again igniting sparks where his fingers touched.  Neither of us had enough energy to do anything but sleep, and my eyes were already heavy.

As Calum pulled on sweatpants, his top half bare like usual, he tossed me one of his shirts.  I caught it with deft hands and smiled, gladly diving into the dark fabric and inhaling the scent of him.  His open arms invited me into bed as I crawled across the mattress, sighing into his skin and resting my head on his chest.

“Thanks for tonight,” he said after a few minutes of quiet.  It was dark, and I could barely make out the tattoos on his skin.  I smiled drowsily.

“Anytime.”

I could sense he wasn’t ready to go to bed yet, and shifted so I was looking at him.  Even in the dim lighting I knew exactly what his face looked like, the angle of his jaw and the curve of his mouth.  I reached a finger out to trace his lips, enjoying his soft breath on my hand.

“What are you going to do in the future?  You know, after college?”  I was surprised at his question, and my finger stalled in its movement.  I felt his lips purse into the pad of my index finger, the gesture causing an odd squeeze of my heart.

I rolled over to lay next to him, hand spread out across his abdomen.  “I would have said find a job, buy a house, settle down.”  I fidgeted with the ends of my hair, staring up at the black ceiling.

“‘Would have’?” Calum repeated, and I could hear the frown in his voice.  “You don’t want to do that now?”

I shrugged, my shoulder brushing his.  “I don’t know.  I used to have all these plans, I swear I knew exactly what I was gonna do down to the week.”  I paused, remembering the old me who used to love writing in her planner.  “And then my parents died and I left school.  It seemed like life was telling me to stop making plans and just...live, you know?”

I wished I could see his face, gauge his reaction.  All I heard was a small sigh.  “I hate planning,” he replied.  “It just opens up more opportunities to be disappointed.”

Surprisingly, this made a lot of sense to me.  The dejection I felt whenever a plan fell through was tiring, and lately it seemed that was all that was happening.  Without any expectations, I couldn’t be hurt when they didn’t work out.  I realized Calum’s carefree attitude inspired this change in me; he opened my eyes to a different lifestyle, one I found myself enjoying.  It was nice not knowing what we were, not having to conform to any boundaries or boxes.  We could just be, whatever and whenever we wanted.  

Laying beside him, our hearts beating in tune and our bodies in perfect harmony, I curled into his side and he draped an arm around me.  I buried myself as deep into him as I could, closing my eyes as another realization hit me: maybe Calum wasn’t the one in love.  Maybe it was me.

#5sos #5sos fanfic #5sos imagine #5sos smut #calum hood #calum 5sos #calum hood imagine #calum hood fanfiction #ashton irwin #ashton irwin imagine #ashton irwin fanfiction #masterlist #ashton irwin smut #michael clifford #michael clifford imagine #michael clifford fanfiction #michael clifford smut #luke hemmings #luke hemmings fanfiction #luke hemming imagines #luke hemmings smut #Youngblood #SOUNDS GOOD FEELS GOOD

[kindofcashton]

𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕕  •  chapter 15  (Calum Hood AU)

HANNAH AND I must have toured a dozen apartments the next day.  We started early in the morning and went all the way through lunch, looking at a bunch of cramped and overpriced places in the city.  Even though I wasn’t entirely on board with the idea of moving out, I thought it couldn’t hurt to look.  She’d found a bunch of places online and we started ticking them off our list, noting what we liked and didn’t like about each one.  Hannah was way more into it than I was, carrying around a small notebook that she scribbled little details into to keep track of our findings.

As I walked through the next apartment, taking in the chipped painted brick and scuffed flooring, I felt what little enthusiasm I had waning even more.  While Hannah made a good point that we were both in a place to move out, I still couldn’t pass up the luxury of living back at the house where I didn’t pay rent.  Even with my job I’d only just managed to pay off the pipe damages at my old house, and my bank account was tight.  I could make it work with some budgeting, but I hadn’t planned on doing that until I absolutely had to.

“Isn’t this natural light great?” Hannah commented, motioning to the big windows taking up the majority of one wall.  They provided nice lighting, but I noted the ugly view of a back alley.  Not to mention the city was never asleep, so even at night the room would be lit up from outside activity.

“And this couch is just adorable,” Hannah added, patting the cushion of an odd, modern-looking pea green sofa.  I rolled my eyes.

“The furniture isn’t included here, Han.  Shouldn’t that be written in your little notebook?”  She frowned at my statement, and flipped through the pages of her book before sighing. 

“Look, I know most of these places are kind of shitty, but at least we’d be living together.  Think about it; two best friends living in the city and paving our way through the world.  Things might be sucking right now, but we just gotta make lemonade out of lemons, right?”

I chuckled at her joke, and imagined that life in my head.  Admittedly, it did seem nice.  Living independently, working for a future, maybe even going to school again.  The me from a few months ago would jump at this chance, but I was a different girl now.  Things changed, one of the biggest being Calum.  I didn’t know what our relationship was, but I knew we’d never have a chance to figure it out if I left.  I wasn’t ready to sacrifice him, even if it meant facing some challenges.

When Hannah proposed we move on to the next apartment, I begged her to let us take a break since I was ravenous with hunger and it was well past lunchtime.  She conceded, and we put our mission on hold to grab a bite to eat.  Touring would take up the rest of the day, which was a good thing considering we didn’t want to go home until absolutely necessary.  We never quite knew what we’d be walking into.

As we ate our salads at a little outdoor, I remembered something Hannah had said a few weeks ago.  “Hey Han, remember when you told me all that stuff about soulmates?”

She lowered her fork and scowled.  “Yeah, what a load of crap that turned out to be.”  

I frowned.  “It wasn’t crap.  Didn’t you say that even if you and Ashton weren’t together, you were still meant to be?”

“I don’t know, I know I said that, but...”  Her eyes filled with pain at the mention of her ex.  “Soulmates don’t do this shit to each other, right?”

She had a good point, but I also knew that their problems had arisen from a place of love.  Ashton was just hurt by her lying, which he could only feel if he really loved her.  With the right apologies they could move past it, if what Hannah had said was true.  Soulmates should be able to overcome anything.

“I didn’t really get it before, but now I believe it.  You still should, too.”  Her eyebrows raised at my words, intrigued.

“What, is Nick your soulmate or something?” Hannah joked, causing me to bite my cheek as I forced a smile.  I was actually thinking of Calum, even though I definitely didn’t consider us soulmates.  It just seemed like the universe wanted us together more than we did, and that had to be some sort of sign.

“No, not yet at least,” I bluffed.  “I’ve just been thinking about it lately, what with everything going on.  It’s comforting to have something to believe in when everything else is failing.”

She nodded, biting her thumb as she became lost in thought.  Hannah had her own inner battles to wage, probably similar to the ones I had about Calum.  I knew avoiding them was not the right way to handle our problems, but the thought of walking into yet another storm at home discouraged me.

We finished our tours well into the evening, finding each apartment pretty much identical to the last.  I made an effort to point out the ones I preferred, just so Hannah saw I was trying a little bit.  I made no promises to actually sign any dotted lines, but just saying I would think about it was enough to satisfy her.

We weren’t surprised to see Michael’s car gone when we got home, which meant Luke probably wasn’t here either.  But Calum’s mustang was dutifully parked in the driveway, and I didn’t know if my heart skipped a beat out of excitement or dread.

Since it was so late Hannah said she was gonna go crash in the basement, and I agreed.  I was tired down to my bones, but for so many different reasons.  I was just about to head upstairs when I saw the faint glow of the kitchen light on, and I paused before moving any further.  I knew talking to Calum alone was a dangerous game, and that it could end badly in a lot of ways.  But there was a tugging in my chest that I simply couldn’t resist, and so I dropped my bag by the stairs and walked around to the kitchen.

He was seated at the table, half empty beer bottle in front of him.  His black tee shirt and black jeans made him look like a shadow, barely there and on the verge of disappearing.  He didn’t notice me at first, lost in whatever thought had a frown on his face.  But then he looked over, brown eyes grabbing hold of me like a vice.

My smile was faint as I folded my arms and leaned against the wall, not daring to get any closer.  I had no idea if this stoic expression of his was out of anger, sadness, or just boredom.  

“Hey,” I greeted stiffly, deciding one of us may as well talk first.  “I didn’t hear you come in last night.”  After my talk with Hannah, I’d been worried that Calum was hurt when I didn’t go after him.  I waited up anxiously for about an hour, but he hadn’t returned by the time I fell asleep.

He leaned back in his seat, hands toying with the beer bottle.  “I didn’t hear you leave this morning,” he countered, relieving some of my tension.  He didn’t sound angry, but he still hadn’t hinted at how he felt about yesterday.

“Yeah, Hannah and I left pretty early.  She wanted to look at apartments, and I went with her.”  I shifted from one foot to the other, anticipating his response.  Calum took a swig of beer, still maintaining a steady frown.

“She wanted to look?” he asked, a slight emphasis on she.  

“With everything going on, I guess she just wanted her options open,” I explained, knowing the underlying question he was trying to ask but ignoring it.

But Calum clearly wanted it answered.  “What about your options?”

I chewed the inside of my cheek, at a loss for words.  I couldn’t even figure out myself what I wanted to do, let alone tell someone else.  I fidgeted, trying to buy myself time to think.  “I like living here,” I said after a while, causing him to look over again.  Quickly I added, “because the rent is free, and I don’t have a lot of money yet.”  I wanted to kick myself after saying this; why did I have to be so defensive?  Why couldn’t I have just said I liked living here and left it at that, open-ended for Calum to interpret himself?

He stared down at the table, and I missed his warm brown eyes once he tore them away.  “Right,” he murmured.  “It’s economically convenient.”

I sighed, detecting his frustration.  I hadn’t meant to come off as a cheapskate leaching off of the guys’ kindness, but apparently that’s how he saw it.  “I didn’t mean it like that, I just...I want to pay rent, trust me I feel bad everyday for taking advantage, but…”  The words escaped me, and something told me Calum didn’t really care about my explanation anyway.  In an attempt to salvage this, I stated, “Look, if Hannah finds a place she likes I’ll probably go with her.  That way, I’m out of your hair and actually living somewhere I deserve.”

I thought this would please Calum, but instead it only caused his brows to furrow and his frown to deepen.  “That’s what you think I want?” he questioned, catching me off guard.

“Isn’t it?”  His silent, incredulous stare just made me huff impatiently.  “I can’t read your mind, Calum.  I have no idea what you want, but I thought that was pretty close--”

“If you think I want you gone, then you’re wrong.”

I froze, suddenly feeling the distance between us shrink.  Even though he was across the room, it was like he was right next to me, speaking right into my soul.  Almost a minute passed by with neither of us saying anything, and I was so confused I knew I wouldn’t be the first to break the silence.  Luckily, Calum seemed to know exactly what he wanted to say, because he stood up and walked over to the sink, placing the beer bottle in the sink and gripping the counter with his hands.  He was facing away from me, and all I could see were the tense muscles in his back.

“Don’t go.”

Two words.  Two small, barely distinguishable words I had to strain to hear.  But those two words carried the weight of the world, our world, and it knocked all the breath out of me.

But naturally, my guard went up.  I didn’t trust Calum, and I wouldn’t let his vague request get the better of me.  “What happened to not giving a shit about me?  I thought I was a liar who drives everybody insane.  You said you hated me.”  I knew referencing that particular fight was risky, considering what had transpired after it.  Hatred had fueled our actions then, the passion an angry one that left me confused and guilty in the morning.

Calum turned around at last, and I saw the intensity in his eyes as he sighed.  “You’re right.  You are annoying and stubborn and make me absolutely crazy sometimes.  But then, when I had stormed out yesterday because I was just so damn angry, I stopped myself.  I was just sitting in my car, in some random parking lot, trying to get your stupid voice out of my head.”

My heart thumped so loudly in my chest I was sure it was shaking the whole room.

He shook his head, almost in a daze.  “I knew exactly what you’d say.  I knew you would tell me it would be okay, and that all I had to do was try.  I could picture your face exactly.  I even…”  The way he licked his lips made my knees go weak.  “You might just be the most infuriating person I’ve ever met, but I need you Scarlett.  You make me a better person--you force me to be a better person, even when I don’t want to be.  No one has ever given that much of a shit about me, or put in that much effort.  Most people just...settle with what I’ve got.  But you…”

Almost unconsciously my body brought me closer to him, meeting in the middle as the magnetism between us could no longer be fought.  We were an inch away, and I was barely even breathing.  When Calum lifted a hand to rest on the side of my face, a long-awaited exhale left my lungs.

“I need you, Scarlett,” he whispered.  His admission hung in the air between us, the last barrier we needed to break before we could really come together.  Feeling the touch of his fingers on my skin and the heat of his gaze on my face, I knew what needed to be done.  I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his.

Kissing Calum was a phenomenon I would never get used to.  Each time, it was even deeper, even hotter.  His lips were so familiar and yet so strange, eliciting new feelings inside of me with every movement.  He tasted like beer and smelled like cologne, his scent intoxicating me.  One swipe of his tongue across my bottom lip had me melting, and soon our tongues clashed with a new fervor born from the passion of his confession.

He needs me.  Calum needs me.  I repeated this phrase inside my head as we stumbled through the kitchen, my back hitting the wall and my hands finding his neck for stability.  I could feel his desperation in every hot, rushed action he took, from biting my lip gently to skimming his hands down my sides.  It was like he would die if he couldn’t feel me, touch me, kiss me.  

Fully clothed and fully exposed in the kitchen, I worried for a second that Hannah would walk in on us, but I didn’t want to ruin this moment.  Unfortunately, Calum was the first to pull away from the kiss.  Our breathing was labored but matched, the synchronicity of our pulses electrifying the room.  I scanned his face, frowning in confusion.  “Why’d you stop?”

Smiling at my slight panic, he grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it up, revealing a few inches of my abdomen and stopping just below my bra.  “Because there are things I want to do to you that can’t be done in this kitchen,” he murmured into my ear, and I rolled my eyes back as his warm breath tickled my skin.  

We fumbled through the dark house, hands entangled together as he led me up the stairs.  Exhilaration coursed through me like a drug, igniting every nerve ending on my body.  I couldn’t wait to tear off my clothes and expose myself to Calum and his wicked tricks.

As he closed the door to his bedroom behind me, he watched me whip off my shirt and pretended to pout.  “I wanted to do that,” he complained, his large hands grabbing my sides and lighting up the skin that his fingers pressed into.  I smiled, giving him a light kiss before leaning back and quirking an eyebrow up.

“There are plenty of other things you can take off,” I replied in a low voice, making his eyes spark as he reattached our lips.  He used his body to push mine back to the bed until I fell back, his large frame resting on me in a deliciously suffocating way.  I didn’t know why but the weight of him on top of me felt so right, and I pressed my hands into his back to bring him even closer.

Calum felt my hands and ripped his shirt over his head, discarding it beside mine on the floor.  His lips traveled down my jaw to my neck, sloppy and wet and riling me up inside.  One hand supported his weight while the other rested on my hip, thumb moving to undo the front button of my jeans.  In a flash my pants were off, and only my bra and panties covered me.  I arched my back in order to undo my bra clasp, and the action pushed my breasts close to Calum’s face, and he let out a groan as his lips dipped to kiss my chest.

“God, Scarlett,” he growled when I was nearly exposed to him, my torso bare and my panties shortly following as I tossed them to the floor.  The way Calum looked at me, like he was consuming me with his very eyes and touch, made me feel like I was on fire.  His hands drifted over every inch of skin, sliding down my inner thighs and up my waist.  

I wrapped my fingers into his curls just as I felt his hand cover my entrance, causing my hips to buck with pleasure.  One simple stroke of his finger had me moaning, and my folds were slick with excitement.  He worked my clit in circles that had my jaw dropping, and it was all I could do not to scream out his name.  

“Oh my god,” I breathed, one of his fingers dipping into my core.  “Just like that.”  I could tell he was smirking by the way he kissed me, and this amusing arrogance of his only made my stomach tighten further.  I couldn’t believe how much Calum affected me, how one simple touch had me hurtling towards the edge.  I knew as soon as my toes began to curl and my hips lifted off the mattress I was done for, and his fingers pumped one more time before my orgasm rocketed through me.

Stars swam before my vision as I whined with pleasure, legs shaking and chest heaving with effort.  I came down off my high to the feeling of him kissing my jaw, curls tickling my chin.  With clumsy movements, I wrestled with his difficult belt buckle, huffing when it wouldn’t come undone.  Calum chuckled lowly, capturing my pout with his lips.  He kissed me gently as he expertly removed his belt and slid his pants down, boxers going along with them.  When he leaned back to pull them off, I got a perfect view of his body.  Toned muscles shone in the dim moonlight streaking through the window, and I could just make out how hard he was.  His cock looked stiff and I tenderly reached out a hand to caress it, gingerly swiveling up and feeling the hot skin in my palm.

Calum let out a string of curse words at my motions, coming forward again so he was engulfing me with his body.  When I rubbed my thumb at the base of his tip, he hissed and grabbed my wrist.  “If you want this to last, you’re gonna have to stop doing that, babe,” he told me darkly, the word babe making my stomach somersault.  I released his cock and brought my hand to his cheek, kissing him hard and communicating all of my desire in the way my lips connected to his.

The lust in his blown out pupils told me he wanted the exact same thing, and after a minute he reached one arm over to the nightstand.  A familiar foil packet was ripped open, and I watched his deft fingers work the condom on until he was lined up at my entrance.  His tip just dipped into my folds, and the agonizing tease had my breath erratic.

Our noses brushed as we both waited for the inevitable.  My heart pounded in my ears and my senses were overwhelmed by the boy hovering above me, so close to giving me exactly what I wanted.  His full pink lips were parted slightly, and I slid my palm along the line of his jaw.  Calum read my eyes, surely seeing the craving in my expression.  Dropping his forehead to my own, I felt his hips shift as he sank into me.

A cry quickly left my lips after he entered me.  My slick folds encased his throbbing length, and he pressed all the way inside until I felt him reach the deepest part of me.  The stretch was sensational, and he filled me with every inch of him.  I almost didn’t want him to move, in love with the feeling of him fitting so closely.  But then he pulled his hips back, almost all the way out, and reentered with a firm push that had me whining for more.

“Fuck,” he swore breathily, eyes closed as he rocked into me.  “You’re so tight.”  I gripped his bicep, lips lazily dragging across his jaw as his face rested right above mine.  Calum’s breaths were shallow and hitched every time my walls clenched around him.  I tugged at the ends of his air, causing an impassioned moan to escape his mouth.  

This must have snapped something inside of him, because his pace began to increase.  Each thrust went deeper, harder, faster.  He filled me completely only to slide out and slam back into me.  My knees bent and my legs wrapped around his hips, providing a new angle that had his name tumbling out of my lips.

“God, Calum, yes,” I cried, his face burying in my neck.  My hands went from his hair to his back to his arms, desperately trying to hang on as my body lost control.  We were so in sync, and with each push into me I felt myself falling further and further into ecstasy.

His moans had also picked up speed, growing louder when I bucked my hips into his.  “You feel so good, baby,” he rasped, sucking on my neck and massaging my breast with his hand.  He was everywhere, in me and on me and around me, and I wanted nothing more than to be swallowed up by his embrace.  

Calum’s thrusts grew rougher and sloppier, each one coiling up the heat inside me tighter and tighter.  I knew I was close when my legs began to shake, and my eyes couldn’t stay open.  Colors exploded in a rainbow of pleasure as my second orgasm hit, erupting through my nerves like lava.  I was moaning and clawing at his back, and when Calum groaned deeply I knew he was done for as well.  We both rode our orgasms with mingled moans and slow kisses, and when I had recovered I felt the weight of him fully on top of me as he rested inside of me.  I felt complete, entirely connected the one person I’d been yearning for for weeks.  I never wanted him to pull away, to leave me and bring back the empty feeling.

We laid like this for a while, my fingers trailing across his back as he rested his cheek on my chest, breath finally steadying as he exhaled into my skin.  When I unwrapped my legs from around him he finally rolled off of me, sliding out of my folds and quickly throwing out the condom into the bin next to the bed.  I was sore in the best way possible, and my body felt blissfully satisfied.

Calum rolled back to face me, not hesitating before he pulled me into his chest.  I rested against his hot, sweat-glistened skin, savoring the way I could feel his subtle heartbeat under my cheek.  His fingers drifted up and down my arm, soothing the burning skin before pulling the covers over us and providing even more warmth.  I was scorching hot, and closed my eyes as I imagined how nice it would be if we could melt into one another.

I felt Calum press his lips to the top of my head in a surprisingly intimate gesture, and my heart swooned before exhaustion took me out of reality and into a dreamless sleep.

- - - - - 

For once, Calum was awake before me.  I woke up to the feeling of his fingers in my hair, running through the soft strands as he gazed down at me.  I pressed my nose into the skin of his chest, inhaling as much of him as I could.  He smelled warm and sweet and I wondered briefly if I was in a dream.

“You frown in your sleep, you know,” he said softly, causing me to look up at him with a puzzled expression.  His smile was faint but his eyes were kind, and I basked in their brown glow.  “So serious, like you’re deep in thought even when you’re asleep.”

My lips stretched into a smile, and my hand rubbed his chest lazily.  “You’re watching me sleep?”

He shrugged, brushing the hair out of my face and resting his hand on the side of my neck.  “I love looking at you.”  His simple but powerful statement made my smile grow, and if I wasn’t so tired I would’ve jumped for joy.  Drowsily, I leaned up to kiss his lips, barely even touching him but bringing our naked bodies closer once more.  I couldn’t help the gleeful grin on my face, and it only broadened when Calum went in for another kiss.

I was about to say something about the way he slept when a harsh and unwelcome ringing blared from my phone.  Our little bubble abruptly burst as I scrambled to find the phone, not thinking before I hit the end call button.  But I didn’t toss my phone aside before reading the name of the caller, and my blood ran cold.  It was Nick.

Sitting on the side of the bed, half of my body covered by the blankets but the other half exposed, I knitted my brows as Calum’s fingers danced across my skin, unaware of who had just tried to talk to me.  He must have seen the look on my face, because his fingers stalled their movements.

Frustration and panic and even a little bit of guilt started to crowd my thoughts, as I suddenly remembered I was sort of dating someone that wasn’t the naked boy next to me.  I chewed my lip, wondering if it was best to just lie about who had called and not ruin the moment.

No, Scarlett.  You can’t lie.  I sighed, knowing that I had to fess up.  Any more lying would surely destroy Calum and I, and that was the last thing I wanted right now.  I brought my hand to his, twisting my fingers against his own in an attempt to connect us in even a small way.

“Who was it?” he asked, tone dry and apprehensive.  I bit my lip, praying this didn’t make him angry.

“It was Nick, the guy I...am sort of seeing.”  I held my breath as he took this information in.  Already his expression grew distant, and I panicked as he pulled his hand out of mine.

“Sort of seeing?” he repeated.  I looked away, unable to hold his gaze when his eyes were boring so deep inside of me.  The truth was Nick hadn’t even crossed my mind once last night, and I didn’t care.  Calum had consumed me in every way, and I knew Nick would never be able to make me feel half as good.

But telling these things to Calum was risky.  Too much and it might scare him away.  Too little and he might get pissed at me.  It was a fine line that I needed to navigate carefully, since our whole future depended on it.

“Sort of seeing as in...I don’t really want to be seeing him.”  It was a simple clarification, and I just hoped Calum understood what it meant.  Nick means nothing to me, I would give him up in a heartbeat for you.  His calculated stare concerned me, and my mouth dried as I worried he didn’t understand.

He lowered his gaze, unable to meet mine as well.  “So you’re saying, after last night, you don’t want to be with him.”  I clenched my jaw at his infuriatingly vague assertion.  If I said yes, he might think I looked too much into the night and thought we were more serious than we were.  If I said no, he might think I didn’t care.

I couldn’t bear the space between us, and slid my body right next to his so my head rested on his shoulder.  Physical communication seemed a better option than verbal, since I knew I would screw it up.  I sighed and closed my eyes, rubbing my cheek against his arm.  “I don’t know what it means, exactly.  What I do know is...I just want to be here with you.  For as long as we can.”

His silence terrified me, and I was about to give up entirely when he twisted his body to face mine, our chests touching gently.  I watched his brown eyes closely, trying to decipher the thoughts behind them.  Calum paused for a second, and then broke into a crooked smile.

“Well then you better end it with the poor bloke before he gets his hopes up.”

Pure elation washed over me, and my wide grin returned as I launched myself forward to kiss him.  He reacted immediately, arms encircling me in a comforting embrace.  It wasn’t a definite declaration of any sort of relationship, but it was enough.  It was enough to know that Calum wanted to be here with me as much as I did, and the relief I felt was immeasurable.

I didn’t know what would happen after this, but frankly I didn’t care.  I only cared about the taste of Calum’s lips and the touch of his hands, passion igniting between us as I kissed him hard.  Under the warm blankets, with our bodies glued together and our lips connecting us, we were in paradise, at least for a fleeting instant.

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[kindofcashton]

𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕕  •  chapter 14  (Calum Hood AU)

THE BUZZING OF my phone woke me up the next morning.  I had no idea how it ended up in the room, the events of last night a jumbled up blur.  I remembered the bickering, the voicemail, then the crescendo of pent up feelings and repressed emotions when Calum’s lips touched mine.  

I attempted to roll over and check my phone, but a heavy arm was weighing me down.  Once again Calum and I were tangled up in his bed, him laying on his stomach and me on my side with his arm draped over my waist.  I didn’t want to wake him up, so very gently I shifted so I could reach for my phone.

A new message read “Loved waking up to your voicemail.  I’ve got plans tonight already, so how about a lunch date?”  Suppressing a sigh, I had no idea how to answer Nick.  The voicemail was a brash and ultimately stupid thing to do, but I needed to rub it in Calum’s face.  Now, though, in the cold light of day, I had no idea which boy I wanted to spend the day with.

Despite the euphoric night I had with Calum, the anger and hatred that spurned our actions was still there, just laying dormant.  I could feel how closed off my heart was, firmly refusing to open even slightly in fear I’d dive too deep into my feelings for Calum.  We were constantly hot and cold, and right now I needed stability and ease.  No matter how good it felt to be with him, he wasn’t good for me, and I was sure I wasn’t good for him.

Glancing over at him, I saw a strip of his exposed back from the lopsided blankets, swallowing a lump in my throat as I watched the muscles rise and fall with each gentle breath.  His curls were haphazard from all of my pulling on them last night, and although his face was turned away from me I could picture his lips perfectly.

Snapping my attention away from him, I bit my lip, recalling how our previous night together had ended  This time I would flip the script, because I was not going to let him walk out on me again.  Slowly, I pulled the covers off and realized I was practically naked when the cold air hit me.  I was only in panties, my dress in a heap on the floor.  For a second I was tempted to grab Calum’s discarded shirt, not wanting to put a tight dress back on.  But that would give him a certain satisfaction, and the last thing I wanted to do was make him think I was his.

So, with much reluctance, I padded across the floor to retrieve my dress and quickly pulled it up my body, not bothering with the zipper since it was almost definitely broken.  I heard Calum shift in the bed, and set my jaw.  I couldn’t bear to look back over at the bed where he was sleeping.  He looked far too innocent when he was asleep, and I knew it would hurt my heart to watch him in such a peaceful state.

Inhaling deeply, I squared my shoulders and breezed right by the bed towards the door, ignoring the fact that Calum was stirring awake as I fled into my room.  Wasting no time, I grabbed a change of clothes and bolted into the bathroom, locking the door behind me and falling against it with a sigh.  

A hot shower will do you good, Scar, I tried to convince myself, shedding my dress once again and stepping into the searing water.  With every massage of my hair I felt the stress and anxiety melt off of me and swirl down the drain, my brain clearing up after a night of intense fog.  By the time I stepped out and toweled off, I’d made up my mind: I was going to lunch with Nick.  I barely remembered the guy’s face, but knew it was what I needed to do.  I had to get Calum out of my head, and what better way to do that then with another guy?

As I retreated down the steps I ignored the voice in the back of my head telling me this was a bad idea.  Instead, I typed out an enthusiastic reply and hit send without even double-checking it.  It was like hooking up with Calum had totally rid me of all of my inhibitions and self-doubt, and now I was just doing what I wanted when I wanted to, no thoughts plaguing every decision.  

Michael and Luke still weren’t back yet, and it was just Hannah eating breakfast when I joined her in the kitchen.  She mumbled a greeting, completely unaware of the antics that had ensued two floors above her last night.  I poured myself some coffee and sat across from her, mindlessly chatting about whatever was in the magazine she was reading.

“Got any plans today?” I asked her as she flipped absently through the pages.  She was clearly hungover, with dark-ringed eyes and sallow skin.  Hannah’s hangover routine was always the same; drown herself in coffee and lemon water and stare at the TV for the whole day.  Once she’d watched an entire season of a baking competition after a particularly hard night of partying.  I had a feeling today would be another one of those.

“There’s a Chopped marathon all day,” she answered.  “And we’ve got enough lemons to last me the week.”

I nodded, finishing my coffee and leaning back.  “I’ve got a lunch date with that guy from the club.”  This peaked her interest, and Hannah looked up from the magazine.

“Really?  But what about...”  She trailed off, and I inwardly groaned.  I’d totally forgotten my confession to her about Calum, and really didn’t feel like dissecting it this morning.  I shook my head at her silent question..

“I thought I’d give the guy a chance.  Besides, he asked me, so.”  I left out the part about the voicemail, still slightly embarrassed at how irrationally I’d acted.  I was sure I’d divulge everything to Hannah eventually, like I always did, but neither of us seemed up for a deep chat at the moment.  

Nick said he’d pick me up at around noon, which didn’t give me much time to get ready.  Just as I was going back upstairs, I saw Calum coming down.  He looked like he’d just showered too, his hair glistening against his forehead.  Bracing myself for whatever harsh comment he had for me, I paused on the steps.  But once he reached me he just brushed right by, brown eyes not even giving me a second glance.

My lips parted, but out of relief or hurt I didn’t know.  Was I even surprised he was ignoring me?  It was routine for us at this point, and I didn’t have time to dwell on the implications.  So I just trudged up to my room and proceeded to get ready for my date.  Nick had mentioned strolling through the city and window-shopping after we grabbed some lunch, so I opted for simple jeans and a big denim jacket.  I appreciated the casual plan, not in the mood for anything fancier.  Maybe walking would help clear my head even more, especially if the arm of a tall, attractive guy was around my shoulders.

I glimpsed a car rolling up outside the window, and didn’t say goodbye before I left.  I didn’t want to deal with Nick coming to the door all gentleman-like, and I also didn’t want to face Calum.  Let him think what he wanted about where I was going; I hoped the possibilities killed him.

Nick was surprised when I got in the passenger seat, his smile breathless and his blue eyes warm.  “Wasting no time, eh?”

I clicked my seat belt and shot him a smile, hoping my face hid the thoughts brewing within.  “I guess I’m just excited.  And a little relieved, to be honest.  That voicemail was pretty humiliating.”

“No way, I loved it.  I dig it when girls make the first move.”  He pulled away from the curb and I leaned back against the headrest.

“So what are you doing later?”  I hadn’t thought about the words before they tumbled from my mouth, and blushed.  “Sorry if that’s, like, invasive.  You definitely don’t owe me an explanation.”

His smile was easy and relaxed my tense mood.  “No, it’s cool.  I would’ve loved to have dinner but I’m grabbing drinks with my dad.  He’s only in town a few days, and he thinks we really need some father-son bonding or something.”

So he’s got a stable relationship with his father, I thought, thinking of Calum’s estranged family.  Just as the thought crossed my mind I bit my tongue, angry at myself for even going there.  What’s with the comparison?  

I attempted to pay attention as Nick explained where we were eating lunch.  “You like pizza, right?”

I rolled my eyes and laughed.  “What am I, an alien?  Of course I do.”

“Great, well a family friend owns this amazing little shop right in the city and they’ve got the best pies in the whole world.  It’d be a sin to go anywhere else.”

“My friends are always ordering pizza,” I told him, thinking of Michael and feeling my heart squeeze.  Were we even friends?  I liked to think we were, but after learning how Ashton felt I wasn’t so sure.  And the fact that he and Luke had been AWOL for the past few days was not comforting.

“Well tell them to start getting it here, it’ll totally change their life.”  He parked the car and we started walking down the busy sidewalk, the city buzzing with activity today.  I liked a simple stroll through town, and walking hand in hand with Nick felt nice.  He pointed out a few of his other favorite places, a small bar and a vintage music shop.  I told him vague stories about school but didn’t feel pressured by him to say more.  So far this date was incredibly easy, and I was absolutely thrilled.

The pizza shop was small with only a few tables, but the smell alone had me intoxicated.  We joked with the owner who asked me why I would date a chump like Nick, and I laughed as he pulled me into his chest.  The pizza was warm and flavorful and totally worth the wait since it was the lunchtime rush.  As I bit into a cheesy slice I remembered the flavor of the grilled cheese Calum had helped me make, and found myself preferring that.

Again, Scarlett, really?  I frowned, pushing the pizza away as I felt sick to my stomach.  What more was I going to compare between the two?  That Nick’s hand was nice to hold but I’d rather have Calum’s on my skin?  That while Nick’s blue eyes were gorgeous I preferred a certain shade of brown?  I’d spent all morning telling myself to forget about Calum and here I was ticking off all of his boxes.  Why would I want to be with him, a moody, sarcastic jerk, when I had Nick right in front of me, a sweet, friendly flirt?

I must have hid my inner turmoil well because Nick didn’t question my sudden silence.  We finished lunch and headed back out, popping into various shops and browsing through stores.  We must have walked the entire city, lost in idle conversation and the pleasantries of window-shopping.  I joked about our risque activities in the dark of the club last night, and Nick offered to do them again.

His cheeky expression made me chuckle, and we paused beside his car as the date wound to a close.  “I wouldn’t be averse,” I replied coyly.  “Although you’re a terrible dancer.”

He grinned as he opened the passenger door for me.  “Only for you, baby.”  I laughed as I climbed in, but once again the pesky thoughts returned.  Did I enjoy dancing with Nick more than fooling around with Calum?  How is it fair for me to be thinking about another guy on our date?  What was supposed to be a relaxed lunch date had spiraled into a comparison of the guy I should be with and the guy I seemed to always end up with.  No matter how sweet Nick was he’d never pull me in like Calum, and last night proved that.

I barely registered that we were back home when Nick slowed the car to a stop.  Blinking rapidly to take in my surroundings, I turned to see him giving me a sheepish smile.

“So...I take it we’ll be going out again?”  His voice was nervous in an adorable way.  I sighed, and leaned forward to kiss him.  He seemed pleased at my up front action, and slid his hand to cradle my neck as our lips molded together.  I tried my hardest to ignore how different his lips felt, how foreign his hands were.  I just melted deeper into him, probably giving him the wrong idea.  And then I pulled back, told him to text me with a sly wink, and practically ran back into the house to get away from the suffocating emotions whirling around my brain.

I thought I’d escaped the suffocating feeling, but I knew something was off the minute I set foot inside.  No one was outwardly yelling like I always seemed to walk into, but there was definite tension.  Panic that Calum had told Hannah about what we did coursed through me, but when I glimpsed Michael and Luke in the living room I knew it was something else entirely.

“What’s going on, guys?” I asked shakily as I approached the group.  The four of them sat on the couches stiffly, like they were in detention.  Hannah looked ill, partly due to her hangover and partly because of what I assumed to be nerves.  Michael’s expression was stern and cold, and beside him Luke looked like he’d rather be getting a root canal than sitting in this room.  Calum just looked tired, but of what I couldn’t tell.

“Nothing, I just asked about Ashton and they got all defensive,” Hannah explained, causing Michael to scoff.

“Well do you blame us?  Dealing with you two is like trying to mediate world war three.”  

Hannah scowled in his direction.  “I’m trying to be civil about it, you heard me yesterday.  It’s Ashton who’s causing the problems.”

“Right,” Luke responded curtly.  “And Ashton is telling us the total opposite about you.  That’s really helpful.”

I tried to jump in and alleviate some of the tension.  “I’m sure both of them think they’re right, but--”

“Look, all I’m asking is that you guys support me because I’m getting treated like total shit here,” Hannah begged, and I winced; that was the wrong thing to say.

Michael caught on to this as well, and stood up angrily.  “He’s our friend too, you know.  We have a responsibility to support him too.”

Hannah stood up to match his height, not backing down.  “But he’s being irrational!  He’s the one making all of this mess!”

Luke ran a hand through his blonde hair, casting an impatient glance at Calum before speaking.  The latter was staring off into the distance, hardly paying attention to the argument.

“Bouncing back between here and Ashton’s is giving me whiplash,” Luke snapped.  “I’m sick of it.  You guys are turning this stupid fight into a civil war and we’re all in the middle of it.”  He gestured to Michael and Calum, and I bit my lip.  Of course I wasn’t included; I was also an enemy here, as I was automatically on Hannah’s side.

Michael turned his glare from Hannah to Calum.  “I don’t think Calum is in the middle of anything; he’s not even involved!”

This got Calum’s attention, but he only looked mildly annoyed.  “And I’m not getting involved, this shit is between Hannah and Ash and I don’t see the point in butting heads when it isn’t about me.”

I actually respected his diplomatic answer, but it only set Michael on more of a rage.  

“Of course you would take the easy way out,” Michael accused.  “You’re barely even our friend anymore, all you do is lay around and bitch and make your stupid jokes.  I mean, what the fuck is your problem?”

Finally Calum shot up from the couch, chest heaving.  “No, what the fuck is your problem?” he hissed through gritted teeth, and the sheer anger in his eyes scared me.  I took a seat beside Hannah, shrinking back from the boys’ fury.

“You’re a useless flake, Calum,” Michael fired back.  “You’re here when it’s convenient for you and gone when it isn’t.  I wouldn’t be surprised if you just up and left one of these days.”

I gasped sharply.  Michael was dangerously tip-toeing around a sensitive topic.  Surely he knew about Calum’s father?  It sounded a lot like he was comparing the two, and I could tell by the change in his expression that Calum thought this as well.

“Maybe I will go,” he said icily, fists balled.  

Michael didn’t back down, instead squared his shoulders.  “And if you do, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

My heart was in my throat as I waited for Calum’s response.  A few seconds passed, torturously slow, and then he was storming right out the front door.  I could only be shocked for a second because the sound of quiet sobs grabbed my focus.  I whirled around to see Hannah softly crying, holding her knees to her chest as our world crumbled around us.

I was conflicted.  My head was telling me to grab Hannah’s hand and take her away from the accusing eyes of Michael and Luke.  But my heart was screaming at me to run after Calum, to stop him from running away from his problems and beg him to face them, to face them with me by his side.  I would kiss him, the way I did outside the diner, so he would know I was there for him.  Even without seeing him I knew he needed comfort, despite his constant pushing away.  

My heart almost overwhelmed my head, but at the last minute I made a decision.  I grabbed Hannah’s hand and stood up briskly from the couch, giving Luke and Michael a stony look before leading her out the door.

We didn’t catch a bus or call an uber.  We just walked side by side, mindlessly looping through the neighborhood.  Hannah’s sobs lessened as we went, until she was sniffling away the last of her crying.  There was an ache in my heart after what I’d chosen to do, but I pushed this down for my best friend’s sake.

After a while we stopped to sit on a park bench, gazing out at the empty playground and swing-set that gently swayed with the late afternoon breeze.  Hannah was breathing hard, probably trying not to cry again, and I leaned my head on her shoulder as I hugged her from the side.

“It’ll be okay, Han,” I whispered, trying to convince myself as much as her.  I’d never seen Michael or Luke so hostile, but their anger wasn’t entirely unfair.  They were being torn between two friends, and it wasn’t easy being loyal to both of them.

Hannah sniffled.  “I don’t know why I thought they’d pick me over him.  How stupid could I be?”

I frowned.  “They didn’t pick him, they just...don’t know what to do, and it can’t be easy with Ashton avoiding all of us.  I don’t think they abandoned you.”

She sighed, and I hoped my message got through to her because she was silent for a long time.  But silence with Hannah always meant a thought brewing, and I leaned up to see her face.  Sure enough, she looked contemplative, and I braced myself for what she was about to propose.

“We should leave,” she finally announced.  “I mean, we only came back because we needed a place to stay and because Ashton was here.  But now, that’s all out the window.  You’ve got a job and I’ve no longer got a boyfriend, so there’s no reason to stay at the house.”  She shifted to face me head on, optimism building in her voice.  “We could get an apartment.  A small one, obviously, and it’ll probably be sort of shitty, but that’s the fun of it.  We always talked about living together after school, so why not do it now?”  At my apprehensive look, she pressed on.  “Come on, what do we have to stay for?  You said yourself you have no idea what’s going on with Calum, and if he is the useless flake Michael said he is then you don’t want to be with him anyway.

I pursed my lips, trying to organize my thoughts.  Her offer was tempting, as I was feeling guilty about taking advantage of our living situation.  But a small part of me didn’t want to leave because that meant I wouldn’t be near Calum all the time.  Shaking my head to banish this thought, I said, “I don’t know, Hannah.  I don’t think we should give up on the guys after one bad argument--”

“We’re not giving up, we’re just...getting space.  It would be the best thing for all of us.  Come on, please?  What’s the harm in at least looking at places together?”  Her desperate and earnest expression plucked at all the right heartstrings, and I sighed as I realized how hard it would be to say no to her.

“Fine, we can look,” I conceded, causing her to squeal with delight.  My reaction to this decision wasn’t nearly as gleeful as hers.  I was too busy wondering where Calum had gone, and if he was waiting for me to go after him.  I wondered how long it would take for him to give up on me.

#5sos #5sos fanfic #5sos imagine #5sos smut #calum hood #calum 5sos #calum hood imagine #calum hood fanfiction #calum hood smut #Calm #ashton irwin #ashton irwin imagine #ashton irwin fanfiction #ashton irwin smut #masterlist #michael clifford #michael clifford fanfiction #michael clifford imagine #michael clifford smut #luke hemmings #luke hemmings fanfiction #luke hemming imagines #luke hemmings smut #Youngblood #SOUNDS GOOD FEELS GOOD

[kindofcashton]

when is the next chapter of disconnected gonna be up? 🥺🥺

new chapter going up tomorrow!! so sorry about the delay, this last week was crazy but I hope to get out a few more updates this week!

[kindofcashton]

𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕕  •  chapter 13  (Calum Hood AU)

I MADE SURE to stay just barely tipsy through the night.  I knew how I got when I was drunk, and tonight I didn’t want to lose control.  Too many things were on my mind, and I knew even the cocktail in front of me would fail at clearing my thoughts.  But I made sure to wipe all preoccupation from my face; Hannah needed to have a good time, and I would deliver it to her.

While I was almost sober, she was rip roaring drunk.  I had to haul her off of quite a few tabletops in fear she’d fall over and break a bone.  She was sloppy and sad and sucking down fruity martinis like she was a thirsty traveler in a dry desert, and I didn’t have the heart to stop her.  If I were her, I’d be devastated too.  I knew it was possibly self-destructive behavior, but I’d had my own fair share of that as well.  So I stayed by her side, vigilant and ready to jump in at a moment’s notice if she needed me.

Dropping her head lazily onto her hand, Hannah pouted at me.  “Scarlett,” she slurred, clumsily reaching out to grab my arm.  “You need to go.”

“What?” I questioned immediately, pausing in my absent-minded stirring of my drink.  “What are you talking about?”

Hannah shook her head, hair falling in front of her eyes.  “No, not leave.  Go.  Over there.”  She lifted a shaky finger and pointed somewhere in the crowd of bodies in the center of the club.  I couldn’t decipher her target, and frowned.

“Han, I don’t--”

“Scarlett,” she interrupted.  “I’m talking about going over where that guy has been staring at you for the past hour.”  I tracked her gaze and followed her pointed finger until I caught sight of him; tall, with messy brown hair and stubble.  He was in a cluster of other guys, his friends presumably, but every now and then his eyes drifted over to me.  When he caught me watching him, he smiled, flashing a row of perfect teeth.

I groaned, turning back to Hannah.  “He’s definitely cute, but I don’t want to leave you.”  It was more than that; I was scared to at this point.  Who knew what trouble she’d get herself into.

Hannah sighed loudly.  “Scarlett, I don’t think I have a boyfriend anymore.  Normally when I’m single, I can’t keep my hands off people.  But seeing as I can’t even see three feet in front of me, you need to pick up the slack.”

My brows furrowed, and I took a sip of my drink.  “Are you saying you want me to get with that guy for the both of us?”  

“Yes,” Hannah exclaimed, shaking her fists in victory.  “Go get some, for my sake.”

As I licked my lips, considering her demand, I thought about Calum.  More particularly, the way we’d left things at the house.  I was mad at him for saying what we did was nothing, but then he wasn’t thrilled that I was going out.  What did all of it mean?  Was he thinking about me right now, wondering if I was doing what I’m about to do?  Should I do what I’m about to do, if I would rather do it with him?

Hannah’s pleading eyes gave me my answer.  And besides, knowing Calum he probably didn’t care at all.  So I stood up from the table, downed the rest of drink, and strided into the throng of dancers.

I pushed through the crowd, worried for a second I wouldn’t be able to find him.  But then my eyes locked with his clear blue ones, and my stomach flipped.  Cuter up close, I thought approvingly, my smirk growing as I approached him.  His friends saw me and gave him a clap on the back and a round of cheers before backing off to let us talk.

When I finally reached him, I crossed my arms and quirked one eyebrow.  “My friend just informed me you’ve been watching me for a while.”

His smile was sheepish, illuminated by the roving rainbow lights above us.  “She caught me.  But can you really blame me when you look like this?”  His compliment sent a flush to my cheeks, and I started to feel the cocktail working its magic as my brain became fuzzy and my smile clumsy.

“I guess not,” I replied.  At that moment, the song switched into one I recognized, and I closed my eyes blissfully.  It was slower, with a sultry melody that dripped into my veins.  “Oh, I love this song.”  It reminded me of being at school and going to big parties with far too many people.  My hips swayed naturally to the beat, and when I felt hands gently fall onto my hips my eyes snapped open.  The guy had moved closer to me, holding my waist as his head bent low.  Grinning, I wrapped my arms around his neck and we moved together, his hands grazing lower until I felt them on my bum.  I giggled, moving my hips in tune and throwing my head back.

“I’m Scarlett,” I added.

“Nick,” came his response just as the song switched into a much livelier one.  

I lost track of how long we danced, all of my focus on Nick and his hands and his smile.  I definitely wasn’t drunk, but the world had a funny glow to it all the same.  I felt comfortable and confident here with him, two things I almost never felt with Calum.

Shut up, I reprimanded myself.  Why can’t you just forget about him?  Somehow Calum always crept up in my mind just when I was feeling happiest.  He had some sort of power over me that I hated; just once, I wanted to be free of his oppressive stare.

What are you saying? came another little voice in my head, the one that actually liked being with Calum.  Guilt flooded through me as I remembered the events and revelations of the day.  Calum pouring his soul out about his family, the kiss I gave him by his car, the way I’d never felt more connected to someone in my life.  Maybe I was the bad guy in this story, seeing as I had left him.

The war of perspectives waging in my brain was suffocating.  Did I like Calum, did I hate him.  Did he hate me, did he secretly need me.  It was all too much, and I found myself sighing.

Nick looked down at me in concern.  “Everything okay?”

I shook my head, sobering up after a long night of dancing.  “It’s nothing, just...I totally forgot about my friend.”  It wasn’t the true reason for my change in mood, but I did completely forget about Hannah.  My eyes scanned the perimeter, finally locating her at the bar as she tried to convince the bartender to give her another drink.  She was so wasted he was definitely not going to budge, and I saw the frustration clear on his face.

Turning back to Nick, I placed my hand on his chest.  “I think I have to go,” I admitted regretfully, but he grabbed my arm to stop me, bringing his face close to mine.

“Come home with me,” he whispered, and my heart leaped in my chest.  The idea wasn’t unappealing, and for a brief second I imagined what it would be like to go home with him.  But worry for Hannah superseded any desire, and I shook my head.

“I really can’t, she needs me right now.  But trust me, I want to.”  I thought that was the end of it, but then Nick pulled out his phone.

“Let’s just put a pin it, then,” he offered with a smile, and I pursed my lips in amusement.  We exchanged numbers, and before I left I planted a long kiss on his lips that would definitely keep me on his mind for a few days.

Weaving through the club, I reached Hannah and tapped her shoulder.  She flinched, clearly disoriented and out of it.  When she saw me she raised her empty glass.

“Scar, tell this guy I can have another drink.”  The bartender looked about ready to throw her out, and I set him an apologetic glance.  Taking her by the arm, I led Hannah towards the door despite her protesting.

The wait for our uber was long and cold.  A chilly night breeze had my teeth chattering, but Hannah seemed so intoxicated she didn’t even feel the cold.  She just wobbled next to me, groaning about her headache and the bad aftertaste of the fireball shot she’d done.

“Do you feel any better?” I asked, hoping our night out had served its purpose.  Her frown was evident as she shrugged, eyes glassy with either tears or alcohol.

“It felt good in the moment.  It always does, though.  And then the moment ends.”  Her words were short but they carried weight.  I understood her completely; I felt similarly about Calum.  When I was with him, I never wanted to leave.  But when we were apart, there was nothing but a bitter taste in my mouth.

When we slid into the backseat of the uber, I had the sudden urge to confess everything to Hannah.  Tell her about my three kisses with Calum, how he spent the night, how he whisked me away when Ashton turned on me.  I needed to tell someone, or else I’d lose my mind.

Luckily, Hannah provided the perfect segue by asking, “So why didn’t you go home with that guy?  He was hot.”

I bit my lip, deciding to just dive in.  “I wanted to, but...someone else was on my mind.”

This peaked her interest, and Hannah twisted to face me.  “Who?  Not Jeremy, right?”

“No way, I haven’t though of him in forever.”  I took a deep breath.  “No, actually I was thinking about Calum.”

Hannah’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, and her jaw dropped.   “Really?”

I nodded shyly.  “Yeah.  We’ve actually kissed a few times, and once he even slept in my room.  But every time things are good between us...they go bad.”  It felt good to get this off my chest, even if Hannah was so drunk she might not remember it tomorrow.  In a way, I would’ve preferred this.

She considered the explanation for a second.  “I knew there was something weird between you two,” she remarked.  “Calum was just so...odd whenever you were around.  Normally he’s an asshole, but with you it’s like a whole new level.”

“Tell me about it,” I murmured.  “It’s exhausting.  I just want him to decide if he hates me or not, because this back and forth is too much.”

Hannah nodded, leaning back and exhaling deeply.  “I don’t know if Calum has ever been able to figure out what he wants,” she confessed.  “He’s been through so much, I kind of just let his bad attitude slide.”

“But I want to help him.  Letting him wallow in his misery isn’t doing any good.”

Hannah laughed shortly.  “Calum hasn’t let anyone help him his whole life, good luck cracking that shell.”  She must have detected my disappointment, because Hannah added, “But who knows?  You might be the first to do it.  I say you’ve got a pretty good shot.”  Her smile was warm and comforting, and I leaned against her arm.  I didn’t know whether I would keep trying to help Calum, honestly.  It might not have been worth it.

The house was dark when we got back.  Michael’s car wasn’t in the driveway next to Calum’s mustang, and when we got inside there was a note saying Michael and Luke had gone to Ashton’s for the night.  I hid the note from Hannah, who hadn’t noticed the missing car, and gave her a tight smile as she went down to the basement.

Blowing out a sigh, I leaned back against the kitchen counter.  I was pretty much sober again, pouring myself a glass of water to wash out the last remnants of alcohol from my mouth.  I kicked my heels off and yawned, reading 2:24am on the small oven clock.  

Just as I placed the empty glass in the sink and decided to head to bed, Calum appeared by the kitchen entrance.  My heart clenched at the sight of him, wearing joggers and a gray shirt.  He looked wide awake despite the time, and I knew then I was in for a long night.

“Look who’s back,” he commented icily, hands resting in his pockets as he leaned against the wall nonchalantly.

I kept my expression neutral as I answered, “Yeah, Hannah was pretty out of it so I thought I should bring her home.”

“How thoughtful of you,” he sneered.  “You’re such a great friend, letting her get shit-faced and then bringing all the broken pieces home.”

Sighing, I fought against my instinct to react harshly.  That’s exactly what he wanted: a reaction.  But tonight, I would not be giving into him.  “Look, Calum, I’m sorry I left so suddenly before we got a chance to talk, but I did it for Hannah.  She needed me.”

His smirk soured into a glare.  “What makes you think I wanted to talk?  I have nothing to say to you.”  His arms crossed defensively as the air got tenser by the second.  

Pressing my lips into a thin line, I pushed off the counter to take a step forward.  “Okay, if you didn’t want to talk to me why did you look so pissed when I was leaving?”

“I wasn’t pissed.”

“Bullshit,” I refuted, folding my own arms now.  I wouldn’t let him lie about what I knew I saw; he didn’t want me to go, but I needed to know why.

Calum just scoffed.  “No, you’re bullshit Scarlett.  Your obsessive need to know everything and try to help everyone is bullshit.  I don’t care what you do, because I couldn’t give less of a shit about you.”

I swallowed roughly, already feeling moisture build in my eyes.  Don’t let him see you cry.  Pulling my lips into my mouth, I fought to keep my composure.  “You know Calum, a lot of people put up with your shitty attitude.  But soon you’re gonna drive everyone away when they don’t feel like dealing with you anymore.”  For emphasis I brushed passed him, stalking up the stairs and tugging at the tight, uncomfortable fabric of my dress.  I was hot and irritated, and needed to unwind alone in my room.

But footsteps behind me alerted me to Calum’s insistent following, and I whirled around before entering my room.

“What?” I demanded.

He scowled down at me, his towering frame suddenly very intimidating when it was so close.  I felt the emptiness of the upstairs without Luke here, and with Hannah all the way downstairs Calum and I were truly alone.

“My attitude might be shitty, but at least I don’t drive everyone insane with all the lying and the stupid good-girl act.  I think people are gonna get sick of you far sooner than me.”  His words were clipped and cruel and they dug deep, but not enough to truly hurt me.  Instead, I retaliated by pulling my phone out and dialing the newest number added to my contact list.

“Oh, really?” I countered.  “Let’s see how sick of me Nick is.”  At the sound of another guy’s name, Calum tensed, and I felt a rush of evil satisfaction.  The phone rang a few times, obviously going to voicemail since it was so late and he was probably asleep.

Smiling darkly, I spoke into the phone, “Hey Nick, it’s Scarlett.  The girl you couldn’t keep your eyes off of at the club--or your hands.”  A vein in Calum’s neck twinged, but I kept going.  “I wished I could’ve taken you up on your offer to go home tonight, but things got in the way.  How about we try again tomorrow night--dinner, a movie, whatever you want.”  I made sure that last proposition was bathed in innuendo, and luckily it hit Calum right where I needed to.  He looked about ready to smash my phone into a million pieces as I wrapped up the voicemail.  “Anyway, give me a call when you get this.  I’ll be waiting.”

Just as I hit the end call button, Calum eliminated what little distance was left between us as his chest pushed me against the wall.  I inhaled sharply, surprised at the sudden movement.

I could barely see his dark eyes in the pitch black hallway.  “I hate you,” came his voice, deep and resonating.  My lips parted, soft air exhaling as my breath quickened.

“Good,” I murmured, gaze flitting down to his mouth.  “Because I hate you too.”

The last word had barely been uttered before his lips crashed into mine.  This was a far different kiss than the one we’d shared in the parking lot of the diner.  That had been gentle, intimate, full of feeling.  This was hot, rushed, and dripping with desire.  Anger fueled our bodies and lit us on fire, the passion between us born from hatred.

Calum’s lips were rough on mine, and he wasted no time in driving his tongue against mine.  My fingers gripped his curls, pulling slightly and eliciting a slight groan from his throat.  He tugged at my bottom lip with his teeth, a sort of pleasurable pain I’d never felt before.  His hands scorched up my sides, practically burning holes through the thin fabric of my dress.

Wrapping my leg around his waist, I felt his hands hitch under my ass as I moved my lips across his face.  I found a spot below his ear and focused my attention here, sucking and nipping and licking until I heard the sounds of pleasure rumble in his throat.

In a swift motion, he gripped the back of my thighs and brought me towards the door of his bedroom, pushing through and slamming it behind him with a deft kick of his foot.  I had no time to register my dark surroundings before I was hurled onto the bed, my dress bunched up at my hips.

Calum’s large frame loomed before me in the dark as he crawled up the bed, settling between my legs as I wrapped them around him.  He reconnected our lips for a moment, and then moved to explore the skin on my neck and collarbone.  My breathing was erratic as I felt his tongue swipe out against my skin, love bites being littered across the creamy white surface.  His hands ran up my thighs, pushing the dress further up until I was sick of the garment altogether.

Gripping the back of his neck, I pulled his head back to mine and whispered, “Off.”  It took him no time to react, and as I leaned up he practically ripped the dress off of me, the zipper surely breaking in the process.  He threw the dress off to the side, landing in a heap of fabric.  Once my body was freed from the cover, his eyes greedily roamed across my chest.  I hadn’t worn a bra, now only clad in my panties.

Calum ducked back down, kissing down the swell of my breasts until his lips found my left nipple.  I moaned as he began licking at the sensitive bud, his hand working to massage my other breast.  My back arched into his mouth, hands dragging across his still clothed back and impatiently pulling at his shirt.  He leaned back so I could rip it off, eyes glinting in the darkness.

His tongue lashed against mine as we kissed again, my breasts pressed against the skin of his chest.  I felt his leg dig between my thighs, brushing against my thinly covered core and making me whine.  Calum heard the noise and leaned back, shifting so his hand could drift down my body.  It skimmed across my breasts, the dip of my stomach and finally stopping at the band of my underwear.  I sucked in a breath, anticipating what was to come.

I felt his fingers ghosting up my thighs, my pulsing heat so close to his touch.  His index finger dragged across my covered center, making my hips shift towards him.  He was teasing me, hovering above my lips as he stopped kissing me and danced around the one spot I desperately needed him to touch.

I didn’t know how much longer I could take his feather-light touches, and was about to complain when all of a sudden my panties were pushed to the side and his fingers finally traced my slit.  A string of moans fell from my lips as my hands gripped the sheets, and I cried out when he sunk a finger into my slick folds.  He circled his hand, pressing his thumb right on my clit.  My whole body jumped at this, heat erupting from the bundle of nerves he had complete control of.  I couldn’t control the sounds leaving me as he pumped his finger harder, using his thumb to expertly circle my clit until I was an unraveling mess.

“God, Calum,” I breathed, eyes rolling into the back of my head.  He added a second finger, stretching my core deliciously.  My fingernails dug into his bicep, surely leaving marks.  But this only quickened his movements, and the waves of pleasure began to cascade over me.

With one final flick of his thumb on my clit, I was gone.  The burning in my stomach erupted into fireworks as euphoria pulsed through me, causing me to cry out in ecstasy.  I rode my high all the way through, feeling Calum’s fingers work me until I was finished.  When I’d recovered from the orgasm, he removed his fingers and brought them to his lips, glistening with my arousal.  As he wrapped his mouth around his wet fingers, I felt myself getting turned on again despite my release, and I channeled this into confidence.

Flipping us over so I was on top, I pressed a light kiss to Calum’s lips.  My legs straddled him, and I moved down until my hands gripped the waistband of his joggers.  I watched his face the whole time, taking in his wild eyes and panting breaths.  I pulled the sweatpants down until he could kick them off, and ran my hands up his legs until I reached his boxers.  An unmistakable bulge had grown underneath the black fabric, and I trailed my hand over it, making him suck in a breath.

Grinning in the pitch black room, I kissed up his chest until I reached his jaw.  I felt his heaving chest under my palm, and brought my hand lower and lower until I grazed across a thin line of hair leading into his briefs.  I sucked on his neck, expertly running my hand across his growing mound and causing him to jerk at the sensation.  I was teasing him just the way he teased me, skimming under the band of his boxers before finally letting my hand disappear into them.  

His length was long and silky, and I felt his impressive size with my fingers.  Calum tried to suppress the groans rising in his throat, but when I wrapped my hand around his cock he couldn’t resist letting a groan leave his lips.  I pushed his boxers down slightly further, letting his stiff erection spring free.  Moving my lips to his mouth, I swallowed his moans of pleasure as I pumped his cock.  I collected the moisture at his tip and used it to slide my palm up and down, creating a rhythm that had his hips bucking in pleasure.

“Fuck,” Calum swore, hands tangling into my hair as his body reacted to my hand.  I let my fingers massage his tip, his cock twitching and his brows knitting.  He grew stiffer and stiffer as he neared his end, and as I grazed the base of his length near his balls he moaned, punching the sheets beside me.

Another slick pump and he was done, white release shooting out onto his lower abdomen as curses tumbled from his mouth.  I rubbed him down from his orgasm, pausing our kiss as I held my face above his.  My eyes met his, seeing how blown out his pupils had gotten.  His parted lips reached up to meet mine, and I met his body willingly.  

He reached an arm out over the bed, fishing for something on the floor as he used another hand to reposition his boxers.  I saw him grab a towel and swipe it across his stomach, tossing it over and rolling onto his side to reattach our lips.  My head was buzzing from my high, my whole body bathed in the aftermath of what he’d done to me.  We were both only wearing underwear, but I didn’t care as I laid on top of him, breasts flush against his skin.  

Eventually our kiss slowed, ending with a final press of my lips to the corner of his mouth, and I watched his eyes flutter closed as he pulled the blankets over us.  I fell asleep with my hand on his chest, his arm under my head, entangling our bodies in a way I never wanted to undo.

#5sos #5sos imagine #5sos fanfic #calum 5sos #5sos smut #calumhood #calum hood imagine #calum hood smut #calum hood fanfiction #ca #ashton irwin #ashton irwin imagine #ashton irwin fanfiction #ashton irwin smut #masterlist #michael clifford #michael clifford imagine #michael clifford fanfiction #michael clifford smut #luke hemmings #luke hemming imagines #luke hemmings fanfiction #luke hemmings smut #youngblood #sounds good feels good

[kindofcashton]

𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕕  •  chapter 12  (Calum Hood AU)

SUNLIGHT GREETED ME when I fluttered my eyes open the next morning.  The curtains were open and bright light was streaming into the room, causing me to squint against the rays.  It must have been pretty late in the morning if it was this bright out.

Still groggy with sleep, I shifted my position and bumped into something warm and soft next to me.  Frowning as I leaned up, the memories of last night suddenly flashed through my mind and I remembered what had happened.  Or better yet, who had happened.

Calum’s lips, his hands, his voice, his touch.  It had all been real, despite feeling like a dream.  He had really kissed me like his whole life depended on it, and I had really invited him in to spend the night because I couldn’t bear the thought of watching him leave.

I propped up an elbow to lean on my hand, gazing at the man in bed next to me.  He was flat on his stomach, one arm hooked around me and the other bent by his head.  His long, thick lashes were closed in peaceful slumber, and I watched his back rise and fall with equal breaths.  I reached out my fingers hesitantly, not wanting to wake him up.  Gingerly, I moved a few curls off of his face and couldn’t help the small smile that came to my lips.  Weirdly enough, I had no thoughts running through my mind.  No worries, no fears, no concrete opinions.  I just felt tranquil, and it was all thanks to the boy in bed with me.

Despite my gentle actions, Calum began to stir.  He inhaled deeply, nose buried in the pillow as his eyes slowly peered over at me.  For a brief second he didn’t seem to recognize me, but then a tired grin stretched across his mouth.  He closed his eyes and sighed, mumbling, “Morning.”

I let my fingers drift down from his curls to his back, sliding across the smooth skin lazily.  He hummed in appreciation, and my heart soared at the sound.  “I think we overslept,” I whispered.  “It’s almost noon.”

Calum finally opened his eyes fully, and flipped onto his back to stretch.  I admired his sun-kissed muscles, lean and tone as he arched his spine.  My lips pursed as he sat up, the covers falling away from him and causing a billow of cooler air to invade our pleasant bubble.  He rubbed at his face, yawning.  I picked at the corner of a pillow, feeling the tranquil mood ebbing with each passing second.

He glanced down at me, and his crooked smile made me feel a little better.  “You think anybody noticed I wasn’t in my room?”  I pushed at his thigh, chuckling as I laid back on the mattress.  I was still exhausted, and wasn’t quite ready to leave our serene little set up.

But Calum clearly didn’t feel the same way.  He swung his legs over the side of the bed to stand up, leaving me disappointed and absent of his touch.  He hadn’t kissed me good morning, which I guess was fine.  After all, the heated make out last night had been more than okay.  But I sort of wanted him to show some sort of affection, which I knew wasn’t going to come now.

“Should we leave separately?” he asked, and I bit my lip, sliding up to lean against the headrest.  My nod was short, and I didn’t watch him leave in fear it would truly ruin the last of my good mood.

You’re expectations were way too high, I scolded myself as I got out of bed.  I changed into leggings and a sweatshirt as I tried to squash the disappointment slowly building inside.  I had no reason to expect anything more from Calum, and if anything I should have felt satisfied.  He’d opened up so much to me at the park, and then kissed me in a way that made me see stars.  Spending the night in my bed was a cherry on top, and so I shouldn’t have felt anything other than elated this morning.

Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I inspected the subtle dark circles under my green eyes and the way my reddish brown hair appeared tousled.  Calum had made out with this? I thought, grimacing at how exhausted I looked.  I should’ve gotten the best sleep of my life last night, but for some reason I felt more tired than ever.

Since it was so late we’d missed breakfast, I thought everyone would have already left for the day.  But as I stepped into the hallway and began to trod down the stairs, I heard the unmistakable voices of Ashton and Hannah yelling.  What now?  When had he come back?

“I don’t know why you’re yelling at me, I just came over to see my friends.”  This was Ashton, his tone cold and dripping with malice, like he was mocking Hannah.  I could see the frustration boiling off of her as I approached the living room, spotting Luke, Michael, and Calum sitting together like prisoners as they watched their friends fight.

“Because you won’t even talk to me!  I’m trying to make things better and you’re just trying to hang with your boys!”  Hannah was gesturing madly, the way she did when she was really angry.  Ashton’s expression was blank, and I could just imagine how frustrated this made her.

“I don’t feel like making things better when you’re lying all the time,” he retorted.  “I’d rather spend my time with people who don’t bullshit me for weeks.”

Hannah let out a scratchy laugh, raking her fingers through her hair.  “Do you hear yourself right now?  You’re such an immature child you can’t even try to make things work with a mature conversation.”

Something about this set Ashton off, and his voice got louder and harsher.  “Oh, I’m the immature child?  You’re the one who flunked out of school and lied about it!  You really think you’re the adult here?”

The whole room went dead silent; my jaw dropped, and I suppressed a gasp.  Even I felt how much that blow hurt Hannah, who visibly stumbled back away from the boy who was supposed to love her.  I couldn’t see her face from where I was standing, but I knew she was devastated.

Hannah’s hands balled into fists.  “So that’s how it is,” she uttered, her voice weak.  “I’m just too stupid for you to want to fix this.”

Ashton sighed loudly, as if his patience with her was wearing thin.  “Is that so crazy?  I mean, come on, tell me.”  He gestured to the guys for their opinion.  “Why should I put up with her bullshit?”

They said nothing.  Luke shifted uncomfortably, and Michael looked at the floor.  Calum’s face was unreadable as he watched the fight unfold.  After seeing their lack of response, Ashton turned to me.  “What about you, huh?  You’re also a liar, so maybe you understand Hannah better than the rest of us.”

I winced at his accusation, knowing it was true but shocked at how much it hurt.  My eyes shifted to Calum for a heartbeat, and maybe I imagined it, but I thought I saw him tense at Ashton’s scathing words.  Taking a deep breath, I stood my ground.  “I think Hannah was in an impossible situation.  I think she’s human, and she reacted the only way she knew how.”

Ashton shook his head.  “No, that’s no excuse.  People shouldn’t be allowed to lie because it’s the easy way out.”  His eyes were steely as he regarded me cruelly.  “You’re part of this problem, you know.  You’re a fucking liar too, and you let her lie to all of us.  This is your fault too.”

I felt all of the oxygen leave my lungs, and Hannah let out a cry of surprise.  Calum shot up from the couch, and pushed passed Ashton with a shove of his shoulder. 

“Figure your shit out,” he snapped at his best friend, glancing to Hannah next.  “Stop getting everyone else fucking wrapped up in it.”  He stalked over to me and grabbed my hand, pulling me out of the line of fire and then out the front door.

“Calum--” I started, head whirling and heart pounding.  I’d never had someone be that mad at me before, and thinking of Ashton’s expression made me feel sick.  Calum ignored my plea as he got into his car and fired up the ignition.  I decided I should just go along with him, as anything would be better than staying to witness more fighting.

We drove for a long time.  I didn’t know where the hell we were going, and I didn’t really care.  I curled up in the passenger seat and leaned against the window, shutting my eyes in an attempt to shut out the world.  Calum’s knuckles were white on the steering wheel as he gripped it tightly, eyes glued to the road as we drove for miles down a highway.  The radio was off, for which I was grateful.  I just needed to breathe and collect my strength.  

Eventually he pulled off onto a quieter road and we stopped at a diner.  It was fairly run-down and crowded with truckers taking a break from a long haul, but I didn’t care.  We didn’t say much to each other, speaking only to order sodas and two grilled cheeses.  When the food came we had a good excuse to be quiet, and I ate my sandwich slowly in order to prolong it.  I didn’t want to get my hopes up about how Calum had practically jumped to my defense once Ashton got mean, how he grabbed my hand and took me far away from the pain in that living room.

When I’d eaten half my sandwich, I leaned back in the booth and looked through the window outside.  Cars whizzed by on the highway, and I watched them for what felt like years.  And then I turned back to Calum, meeting his eyes as he too paused in eating.  I guess we do need to talk.

My hands fidgeted on the tabletop, and I bit my lip before speaking.  “Do you think I’m a liar too?” I asked plainly, not beating around the bush.  I wanted to know if more people agreed with Ashton, that this whole mess was also my fault.

He toyed with the straw of his soda, clearly uncomfortable himself.  “Well, you did lie.  That makes you a liar.”  He sounded matter-of-fact, just stating the truth.  I guess I couldn’t hold this against him.

“But...do you understand why?  I lied for a reason--we lied for a reason.”

Calum shrugged.  “Yeah, but was it a good reason?”  I frowned at his rebuttal, but he continued.  “Shouldn’t you have trusted Ashton to be there for her?  After all, the two of them are in a relationship.  Relationships are about transparency and trust, right?” 

The way he was reflecting the question back onto me made me shift in my seat.  Hearing him talk about relationships made my skin hot, as I truly had no idea what to say.  Hannah thought she was doing the right thing, and my job as her best friend was to support her.  Besides, I didn’t know Ashton at the time, so I had no idea what kind of guy he was or if he’d be able to support Hannah through a hard time.

I picked at my grilled cheese crust, avoiding Calum’s expectant eyes.  “It’s just so infuriating.  All they need to do is talk to each other, figure out what the real issue is.  She lied because she felt embarrassed, but where did that embarrassment come from?  Obviously the relationship had flaws before all of this, so of course something big would blow it up.  I just--Ashton should be open to having a conversation about where it all went wrong, get to the root of the problem.  Yelling and being pissed won’t solve anything, if they’d just try to fix--”

“Are you hearing yourself right now?” Calum interrupted suddenly.  He sounded incredulous, and was looking at me like I had five heads.  “Why are you psychoanalyzing every little detail of their relationship?  It’s not your responsibility to fix them.”

I frowned.  “Yeah, but I want to help--”

“Why?  Why are you so goddamned obsessed with fixing people’s problems?”  Something told me he’d wanted to ask me this long before today, but the opportunity had only just arisen.  I swallowed a lump in the back of my throat, worried about how tense we’d both gotten.

“You’ve seen all my psych books,” I reminded him.  “Why do you think I’m studying them?  I was going to school to try to become a social worker, or a counselor.  I want to help people, I like helping people.”

He snorted, making me flinch.  “A social worker.”  Calum sounded so angry all of a sudden, his usual smirk replaced with a deep scowl.  “You know those people are goddamn useless, right?”

I felt like a weak little girl trying to stand up to a big bad bully.  “N-no, I don’t.  I think they’re important, they help people.  They help families when things are tough.  It’s a noble profession.”  I was almost self-conscious of telling him about my future career plans; they meant a lot to me, and were still what I strove to achieve every day.

Calum just shook his head.  “They don’t do shit for people, Scarlett.”

If I was self-conscious before, now I was just plain angry.  “Who are you to judge them, Calum?  You know, maybe you’ve got a problem yourself.  You’re so freaking closed off it’s infuriating.”

His fist slammed on the table, making our plates clank.  I flushed, feeling the stares of other diners on us.  But Calum didn’t care as he sent me a seething glare.  “You have no fucking clue what you’re talking about, so shut up.”  His voice was icy, but it only fueled my fire.

“No!  Don’t tell me to shut up!  I said something you didn’t want to hear and now you’re denying it so you don’t have to deal with it!”  Classic defense mechanism, I thought, but knew that if I said that he’d really lose it.

Calum let out a heaving sigh, clearly worked up and trying to contain his fury.  Normally I’d be scared of his anger, but now all I wanted was to confront it.  He looked at me without saying anything for a while, but I didn’t back down.  I faced him with my own glare, thinking about how the boy I’d slept next to was nowhere to be found.  How had those lips, set so low in a scowl right now, kissed me so deeply last night?  

I thought he wasn’t going to say anything else, he was quiet for so long.  But then he began shredding his napkin, and I knew something big was coming.  “Didn’t you notice how I didn’t mention my father yesterday?  That I only talked about my mom?”

I nodded, holding my breath.

“That’s because my father was a piece of shit who left us when I was five.  Just got up and left one day, never came back.  Made my mom about lose her fucking mind, to the point where she couldn’t take it anymore.  She was so distraught and desperate to find him, she told me to get in the car one day and we just drove.  For days, we drove to look for him.  We lived in the fucking car, slept in it and ate cheap food in the backseat.  And we never even found the bastard.  Of course, the fucking authorities found out and had a field day.  They claimed my mother was endangering a minor and wanted to take me away from her.  It was the social workers who blamed her for being irresponsible, who didn’t take into consideration that she was heartbroken.  The man who was supposed to be with her through sickness and fucking health had abandoned her.  How are you supposed to just get over something like that?”

As his words sank in, pain blossomed in my chest.  Pain for this damaged, angry boy who had to watch his mother fall apart at too young an age.  Who had to take care of her when it was her job to take care of him.  No wonder they barely spoke now; his face probably haunted her, reminding her of the man who left her.

Tears pinched at my eyes, as Calum finished his story hoarsely.  “In the end, my father leaving was the best fucking thing to ever happen to her.  She met a new guy, got married, started a happy little family with him.  She’s fine now, and I’m just the screwed up kid who no one wants around because I remind them all of him, and what he did to us.”  In a flash of anger, Calum threw money on the table to pay for our food and stormed out of the restaurant.  

Stunned, I stayed at the table for a few seconds just to breathe.  And then I stumbled out of the door myself, into the windy afternoon air.

He was leaning against the side of his car, hands shoved in his pockets as his stony eyes watched the horizon.  I walked up to him slowly, not wanting to startle him.  Like he was a wounded animal and one wrong move would send him running in the opposite direction, when all I wanted was to be close to him.

I stopped next to him, and leaned back to match his posture.  My shoulder just brushed his arm, a subtle show of solidarity.  I wondered if speaking was the right idea, if this moment needed any explanation.  I gave it a few minutes, letting as much of his anger seep out as possible.

Turning to face him, I pulled my lips into my mouth and contemplated which words to use.  I needed him to know how I felt, but suddenly I had no idea what to say, or how to say it.  Sighing, I finally decided.  “Calum...”  Just saying his name made a stab of pain hit my heart.  “I’ll never be able to understand what you went through.  I can try, but it’ll never be enough.  It kills me that you have to feel this way alone, but I’m telling you...”  I harnessed all of my strength in this moment, and stood tall.  “I want to make a change in this world.  I want to help kids like you, who felt alone and stranded and like the whole world was against them.  I want to heal families, not tear them apart.  I know I overthink things and meddle and try to fix everyone, but I swear I do it because I care.  Because I care about you.”

He didn’t react, which would usually discourage me.  But in this moment I had nothing to lose, so to prove my point I reached up and pulled his head closer to mine, and I kissed him.

Calum’s body tensed in surprise, but in a few seconds he relaxed into the kiss.  His arms wrapped around my body in a tight embrace, and I looped my hands around his neck to bring him closer.  The kiss wasn’t deep, and it wasn’t going anywhere, but more emotions were spilling out of us than ever before.  With every shift of my lips I wanted him to feel how much I cared, how much I needed him to know I was here for him.  

My body tingled lightly with his soothing touch, his hands grazing up and down my back.  I held his face in my hands, leaning back to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth.  His eyes stayed closed, lashes fluttering as I finally pulled away, keeping our foreheads pressed together.  We breathed together, and even though he said nothing I felt the relief and gratitude pouring out of him as he held me, and it was all I needed.

The drive back felt like five minutes.  I wished it felt longer, so Calum and I could bask in this glow for infinity.  The way our bodies just fit together felt so right, and all I wanted was to take that kiss even further.  But we knew the reality of our situation, and so when we walked back into the house we mentioned nothing of our afternoon together.

Ashton was gone, and Hannah was downstairs.  Luke and Michael looked thoroughly confused when they saw us come in, and I could tell they had a million questions for us.

“What’s up with you two lately?” Luke questioned, making me panic.  What did Calum think about it?  What should we tell them?  What even was up with us?

But Calum looked more relaxed than ever as he flopped onto the sofa, switching on the TV.  “Nothing,” he replied nonchalantly.  “Just didn’t feel like listening to all the yelling.”

As I tried to ignore how much his simple nothing hurt, Michael sighed from the kitchen.  “Tell me about it, man.  Shit’s crazy around here.”

I couldn’t stomach the idea of listening to their stupid bro talk, too hurt by Calum’s unaffected attitude to stick around.  So I trudged down the stairs to meet Hannah, and what I saw surprised me.  She was all dressed up and ready to go, with a skin tight dress and heels that had only one destination.  When she saw me she grinned and threw a dress at me, along with a pair of heels.

Before I could say anything, she interrupted.  “Don’t object, don’t complain, just do it.  I need to go out, and I need you to go out with me.  Getting drunk is more fun with you, anyway.”  

I didn’t have the heart to say no to her.  So in a matter of minutes I had changed, swiped on some makeup, and put my hair up in a somewhat acceptable style.  I wasn’t really thinking about what I was doing, other than that Hannah needed me.  So when we went upstairs to say goodbye to the guys, I was surprised to see Calum’s expression turn from uncaring to almost angry.

He followed us to the front door, and spoke in a low tone so the guys couldn’t hear.  “Where the hell are you going?” he hissed, studying my face as I struggled to come up with an answer.  Hannah didn’t wait for me as she went out to see if the uber had arrived, and I rubbed my arm awkwardly.

“She isn’t feeling great, and so we thought we’d try to have fun...”  I realized how stupid it sounded, and I also realized how much I wanted to stay here with Calum.  His eyebrows raised disbelievingly at my reply, before he wiped all emotion from his face and backed up.

“Fine, do what you want,” he spat.  I ignored the pang of regret in my heart as I watched him storm away, waiting until he disappeared into the living room before stepping outside

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[kindofcashton]

𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕕  •  chapter 11  (Calum Hood AU)

THE NEXT MORNING was spent consoling Hannah.  She hadn’t heard from Ashton since the big blow up, which left her distraught.  Whenever they fought before, they always called or texted to let each other know everything was gonna be okay.  But Ashton was radio silent, and so it was my job to make sure my teary-eyed, emotionally wrecked best friend would be okay.

“Michael didn’t even look at me before he left,” she sniffled, rubbing her swollen eyes and pouting.  I winced; this fight had been huge, and spilled over into everyone else in the house.  I could tell Michael was feeling a little betrayed himself, and Luke probably shared similar thoughts.  Calum, of course, I had no idea about.  I only hoped they all wouldn’t hold a grudge against Hannah and make things even harder for her.

“He’ll get over it, Han,” I promised her.  “Trust me.  Once this all blows over you’ll be stronger than ever.”  She shook her head, eyes cloudy and filled with misery.

“I don’t know, Scarlett,” she said in a weak voice.  “It’s really bad.”  I bit my lip, unsure of what else to say.  I didn’t want to lie and say it wasn’t bad, because lying would help no one.  But I also didn’t believe this was the end of her relationship with Ashton.  They could mend the broken bridges between them, if only he was willing to try.  I think time was the only remedy needed, and once enough time passed things could start improving.

We were joined at that moment by Calum.  I avoided his eyes, still wildly confused about how to feel after last night.  He’d shown a deep understanding that he’d never displayed before, and it stunned me.  I thought Calum of all people would relish the opportunity to expose and humiliate me, but instead he chose to respect my plea for distance.  As he sat down next to me, I felt the heat of his body so close to mine and shifted uncomfortably.

But apparently he wasn’t feeling uncomfortable at all, because there was a relaxed smirk on his face.  He nudged his box of frosted cereal towards me.  “Here, have some since I know you’d just steal it later.”  His tone was jovial, causing me to finally meet his gaze.  It was light and innocent, making my brows raise in disbelief.

I took the box and gladly dug my hand in, enjoying the sickly sweet cereal as Hannah distractedly scrolled through her phone.  Calum shuddered beside me.

“I don’t know how you eat it dry,” he told me, pouring milk into his bowl.  I wrinkled my nose.

“Because soggy cereal is disgusting, that’s why.”  My expression was coy as I took another handful, and he rolled his eyes.  I liked the way we could play off each other and actually joke around, the usual tension missing for some reason.  I figured last night probably had something to do with it, but if this was the new normal I was completely on board.

Hannah looked up from her phone.  “Do you have work today?” she asked.  “I was wondering if we could spend the day watching bad movies and eating unhealthy food.”

I pursed my lips.  “Actually, yeah, in an hour.  But later we can totally--”

“No, no.”  She waved her hand, heaving a sigh and staring off into the distance.  “Maybe a little solitude would be good for me.  I’m way too codependent.”

I frowned.  “Hannah--”

“Don’t tell me it isn’t true, Scarlett, we both know it is.  I’m overly dependent on people and you’re obsessed with fixing them.  We both have flaws.”  I blushed a deep red as she exposed our relationship problems.  I felt Calum’s hand still above his bowl as he listened, and I suppressed a grimace.  He had definitely began figuring out just how much I liked to fix things, how I obsessed over little details until I thought it was perfect.  

Hannah pushed her chair away from the table and stood up, shoulders sagging and face crestfallen.  “I think I’m gonna wallow downstairs all day.  You’re welcome to join in the fun, Calum.”  He gave her a small smile as she trudged towards the basement door, and when she finally disappeared downstairs I let out a sigh.

Calum pushed the cereal around in his bowl, frowning thoughtfully.  “You think she’s gonna be okay?”  His question was sincere, and I could detect behind the words just how much he cared for her.  

Rolling my lips into my mouth, I shrugged.  “I hope so.  She’s been through a lot of shit recently, and I’d hate to see Ashton abandon her over it.”  I briefly panicked that I had gone too far, made it seem like Ashton was entirely in the wrong.  But if Calum thought this, he didn’t show it.  Instead he just nodded, finishing his cereal quietly.

I checked the clock on the wall.  “I ought to get ready, I have a bus to catch.”  I closed the cereal box and began to get up, but then Calum reached out his arm to stall me.

“Why don’t I drive you?  I have nothing better to do, and you’re probably really tired of riding that dingy bus.”

My lips parted in surprise, but his expression was earnest.  I blinked a few times, at a loss for words.  He merely rolled his eyes and stood up beside me, leaning in close as he said, “What, I’m not allowed to be nice?”  His breath was warm and I felt my body tense up at the proximity of his face.  But then he pulled away with a smirk to put his bowl in the sink.  I exhaled, fidgeting a little as I considered his offer.

“Fine,” I accepted.  “But you better be picking me up, too.”  I quirked my lips up challengingly, and he chuckled at the counter.

“You’ve got yourself a deal,” he replied.  I smiled before turning to head upstairs, thoroughly confused but pleasantly surprised.  I told myself it was only because I didn’t have to catch the bus, not because a certain curly-haired boy was finally being nice to me.

I got ready fast and joined Calum by the front door, following him out to his car.  It was another beautiful day weather wise, and I sighed happily as we climbed into his mustang.  

“You better not complain about my music,” he warned as he put an old-fashioned tape into the cassette player.  The car was vintage and had all the old features, something I found charming and very much in character with the owner.  Soft guitar sounds drifted out, and I vaguely recognized the band.  I didn’t say a word as we drove off, enjoying the way the music seemed to match our peaceful mood.

I was almost disappointed when we arrived at the cafe, wishing I could keep driving for hundreds of miles with just Calum and his music and the comfortable quiet.  But this was reality, and I thanked him quickly for the ride before heading in.

Mack had realized a few weeks ago how well Roger and I worked together, and decided to schedule us with the same shifts since we had similar availability.  This meant seeing him every time I worked, something the two of us were definitely fine with.

“Did I see you climbing out of a cherry red sex mobile this morning?” he asked innocently, and I choked on the water I was sipping.

“If you mean Calum’s mustang, then yes,” I told him, rolling my eyes at his insinuation.  “He offered me a ride, how could I have said no?”

Roger smiled evilly.  “I know a perfect way you can thank him,” he said, batting his eyelashes.  I flipped him off with a laugh, trying not to imagine all the possibilities he had in his head.  They were surely all dirty and seductive, and thinking about Calum in a dirty and seductive way was not going to help me do my job.

It was a quicker shift today, ending in the early afternoon.  When I had about a half hour left, I began wondering what Calum was up to all day.  I always wondered this; he didn’t have a job, didn’t go to school.  What did he do all day?  Where did he go?  Did he have other friends, a different life away from us?  I could tell he was full of secrets, and my mind drifted to what they could all be when the front door opened.

“No way,” Roger whispered, causing me to snap out of my daydreaming.  Speak of the devil.

“Hey, Scarlett,” Calum greeted when he walked up the counter.  His smirk was cool and his eyes were hooded, and I bit my lip.  “Thought I’d try some of this coffee your always screwing up.”

I scoffed, and Roger shook his head as he butted into our conversation.  “Oh no, she hasn’t screwed up an order all day.  I want to see how long it will last.”

“Hey!” I protested, smacking his arm.  “I didn’t mess anything up yesterday, either.”

Roger narrowed his eyes.  “Debatable.  The amount of whipped cream you put on that poor man’s hot chocolate yesterday was almost criminal.”

I folded my arms at him.  “You can never have too much whipped cream, Roger.”  He just flipped me off and got back to cleaning the display case.  Turning back to Calum, I flushed.  Having him here was overwhelming; he’d stepped into a part of my life that was entirely my own, and I almost felt like he was invading my privacy.

“Do you know what you want?  Should I recommend stuff?”  I didn’t know why I felt so nervous all of a sudden, trying to tell myself it wasn’t because of the deep brown eyes studying me so intently.

“I like the sound of that whipped cream,” he started.  “Why don’t you pile it on top of a mocha.”  I nodded, punching in his order and accepting his cash with a small smile.  He went to sit at a table by the window, and I forced myself not to stare as I focused on his drink.

I’d made a hundred mochas by now, but this one I really wanted to get right.  I made sure to add the perfect amount of steamed milk, and tried way too hard to make the whipped cream swirl as even as possible.  Roger watched me work, clicking his tongue disapprovingly.

“You sure this is the drink that’ll get you in his pants?”  I almost threw the hot coffee on his face, fighting a smile at his stupid jokes.  I approached the counter and called Calum’s name, presenting the mocha proudly.

“I hope this is satisfactory,” I said as he took the mug and raised it in a mock cheer.  I was slightly disappointed when he sat back down without saying anything, but pushed this feeling aside as I finished my shift.

Calum was waiting for me when Roger and I emerged from the back room after clocking out.  My smile was shy and I hooked my bag over my shoulder nervously.  But Calum’s smirk was oddly comforting, and he held the door for me.

“I thought we’d make a quick pit-stop at the grocery store for more beer,” he informed me, and I knitted my brows together.

“Didn’t you just get beer yesterday?”

“It was only a six-pack,” he defended with a laugh.  “And besides, the guys all needed one after the blow up.”  I nodded, understanding him completely.  If I were Michael or Luke, I’d want to drown my worries too.

Roger appeared behind my shoulder.  “Am I invited on this little road trip?”  My jaw dropped, but he cackled and gave me a good-natured shove.  “Totally kidding, go have fun on your grocery store date.”  I almost tripped him at saying the word date, terrified that it would rub Calum the wrong way.  But I don’t think he even heard, and I breathed a sigh of relief as we got back into his car.

“How was the beer I suggested yesterday?” he asked me, one hand on the wheel and the other resting on his rolled down window.  I admired the way the sun struck his profile, the relaxed posture he drove in.  

Licking my lips, I answered, “It was actually really good, probably the best beer I’ve had.  But I’m not that picky when it comes to beer, though.”

He smirked.  “What are you picky about?”  

Smiling at his oddly personal question, I considered my answer.  “Well, cereal, as you already know.  I refuse to ever have it with milk.  Other than that...not much, I guess.  I’m fine with most things.”

Calum thought about this for a second, a distant smile on his lips.  “So you’re just so easy-going and carefree, huh?”

I laughed, propping my feet up on the dashboard to reiterate this point.  “Oh, totally.”

We arrived at the store and immediately went for the beer.  Calum pointed out a few good brands, and I pretended to take meticulous notes on his suggestions.  He picked out a case of the kind I bought yesterday, and we brought it back to the car.

He paused after stashing the bag in the backseat.  His expression was clouded, and more protective than it had been all day.  Clearly his walls were back up, but I didn’t know why.  When he finally spoke, my question was answered, “Want to take this somewhere and crack it open?  I don’t know, the park or something?”  He was scared to ask me this, worried I’d say no.  Fear of rejection, I thought.  Interesting, considering all of his arrogant bravado.

I nodded eagerly, hoping to ease some of his nerves.  “That sounds great.  And it’ll give Hannah more alone time I think she really needs.”

The park wasn’t crowded at all, and we found a nice spot up on a hill a little ways.  The shade of a tree provided us relief from the late afternoon sun, and at our vantage point we could watch the people roaming around below.  I laid on the grass, propped up by an elbow as I watched Calum crack open the beers.  As he handed me one we clinked the cans together in a toast, and when I took a sip I felt all of the past few days’ stress leak right out of me.  The breeze, the sun, the fresh air; it was all so cleansing, and I couldn’t harbor any negativity in such a serene place.

Laying next to Calum, I inspected his face, unafraid of him catching me staring.  I took in his full lips, thinking about all the different expressions they produced.  His curly hair fell across his forehead, and I imagined what it would feel like to run my fingers through it.  His eyes were definitely my favorite feature of his; rich brown in color, reflecting light in the dark depths.  If I could, I would gaze into them all day, just to uncover whatever secrets they protected.  Calum was an enigma I was itching to solve, and every day I felt a little bit closer to the truth.

Just as I thought, he caught me staring.  But I didn’t look away, bravely holding his gaze as he confronted me with a look.  A brief smirk crossed his face, before he took a swig of beer and sighed.

“What are you trying to find, Scarlett?”  The question was innocent, but it set off butterflies in my chest.  I liked the way he said my name, almost like it was music on his tongue.  Blushing, I finally did look away and focused instead on the people in the park.

“Oh, I don’t know,” I responded.  “Just trying to figure out all your little secrets, that’s all.”  Something about the atmosphere had me feeling daring, and I hoped he felt the same way.

He laughed.  “You don’t think I’m doing the same thing?”  We met each other’s eyes for a second, and then he added, “Alright, fine.  You tell me something and I’ll tell you something.”

“How democratic of you,” I joked, and he laid back on his elbows.  I thought about what to tell him, sifting through the multitude of secrets in my arsenal.  Deciding to take advantage of what little bravery I had right now, I said, “Okay, I’ll tell you something.”  He shifted his position to face me better, and suddenly I felt nervous.  But I pushed this away, determined to be honest, no matter how much his eyes burned into me.

“You’ve known something is up about me being home from school for a while now, and you’re right.  I’m not on a break: I had to drop out.”  I paused for a second to let him soak this in.  His smirk faded to a frown, but I pushed on.  “And the reason I had to drop out was because I was stone-cold broke.  I couldn’t pay the tuition, so I had to leave.  And the reason I’m broke is...”  I trailed off, wondering if this was taking it too far.  But I wanted Calum to know this.  I didn’t know why I felt this way, why I trusted him all of a sudden.  But I needed him to know what happened to me.  “My parents both died recently, in a car crash.  Everything went to the medical bills to try to keep them alive, but it didn’t work.  And now I’m here, alone, broke, and...”  I laughed morosely.  “And with no idea what I’m doing.”

Calum’s face fell, his eyes filling with sympathy as he opened his mouth to say something.  “Scarlett, I--”

I waved him off.  “I don’t want any pity.  That’s why I kept it to myself, because I didn’t want to be the poor sad girl with dead parents.”  Already I felt Calum’s view of me shifting, and I only hoped he wasn’t seeing a weak, pitiable basket case in front of him.

He sighed, brows low on his eyes as he seemed to be waiting for me to look at him.  When I finally did, he tilted his head.  “Pity and support aren’t the same thing, you know.  Everyone needs help when they go through something hard, it doesn’t mean people see you as weak or pathetic.”

My mouth felt dry as his words soaked in.  I’d never looked at it this way before, and his fresh perspective actually made me feel better.  I guess I hadn’t really let anyone just be there for me, I pushed everyone away.  Smiling meekly, I said, “Now where were you two months ago when I needed to hear that?”

He chuckled. eyes dancing with amusement.  I liked that even though we were talking about such a heavy topic, we kept it light.  For someone I’d always thought was so brooding, Calum had a gentler side that was exactly what I needed in this moment.

I lightly pushed at his arm, leaning on my hand as I faced him.  “Alright, since I just poured out my soul it’s your turn.”  The anticipation of finding out one of his secrets was killing me, and I bit my lip to contain my enthusiasm.

Calum rested the back of his head on his hands so he was gazing up at the cloudy sky.  His lips parted, and I held my breath. 

“You’ve probably noticed the lack of shit going on in my life,” he started, and I nodded with a small smile.  I was pleased that this was what he was going to talk about; it was what I was most curious about.  “The reason I’m able to live this way is because of the checks my mother sends every month.  She feels guilty for screwing up my childhood or something, I don’t know.  The money is good so I don’t complain.”

This was a lot of information to process.  I’d had a hunch for a while that Calum’s life was more complex than he let on.  It was interesting to hear about his mother and their apparent estrangement.  My fingers toyed with a few blades of grass as I waited for more of an explanation.

“I haven’t actually talked to her in months,” he admitted, sounding a little surprised himself at the confession.  “Not that I don’t...care about her.”  I noted the way he stumbled, avoiding the word love.  “I do, I want her to be happy.  I just don’t think me being around is good for either of us.”

Even though I had an entirely different view of my parents, this made sense to me.  Sometimes distance is the best thing for a relationship.  I was always close with my mother and father, but that was because they’d supported me my whole life.  I had no idea what Calum went through with is mom, or how they ended up so estranged.

I hadn’t realized he was looking at me, expectant for a response, and I blushed.  “Sorry, I just...it’s nice that you’ve found what works for both of you.  So many people try way too hard and just end up hurting each other.”

He smiled, brows lifting.  “Gotta say I’m surprised.  With all of your psychology books and deep analysis I thought you’d try to tell me to reach out.”

Shrugging, I let a smirk twist across my lips.  “I’m full of surprises,” I replied jokingly.  Truthfully, I did think that Calum reaching out would be a good idea.  Maybe not right now, but in the future when he was more mature and ready to confront his mother he should definitely do it.  He deserved to have a mother, someone who loved him unconditionally.  I wanted him to have a family.

When I glanced back over to him, I gasped lightly.  The way he was looking at me took my breath away; it was as if his brown eyes had pulled back all of my defenses and were staring straight into my soul, my thoughts, my body.  A gravitational pull was tugging at my chest, and for a second I contemplated closing the short distance between us and connecting our bodies.  I was sure he could hear my thunderous heartbeat, and I wanted to reach out and feel his own.

His eyes flitted to my lips for a brief moment, and then he whispered, “We should go.”  He rolled over onto his back and sat up, ending the moment just like that.

We were silent on the drive home, but it was a comfortable quiet I found myself sinking into.  The image of Calum’s face, so close and illuminated by the setting sun, was burned in my eyes as I stared at the road in front of me.  I wanted to kiss him.  I wanted to be the one to make a move, to reach over and do what we’ve both been yearning for.  But I also knew how much it would complicate things, and in a moment that was so blissfully simple, I didn’t want to ruin it.

I thought once we got home we’d both part ways and say nothing.  But as Calum parked in the driveway, switching off the engine and engulfing us in total silence, I held my breath.  He was going to say something, that much I knew.  But about what I couldn’t possibly comprehend.  

The interior roof lights cast a thin veil of yellow on his features, and in the small car it felt impossibly tight.  I twisted in the seat, lips pressed together as I waited in suspense.  Calum pushed a hand through his hair, letting the curls bounce above his forehead as he rested his arm on the headrest behind me.

He licked his lips, watching me closely.  “Remember when you said I knew nothing about you?”

I blinked, remembering the night clearly.  I’d hurled the words at Calum in the hopes he’d back off, leave me alone.  Instead he seemed to want to get closer, and now here we were together in his car after spending the whole afternoon together.  “Yes,” I said plainly.  “I remember.”

He looked away, out into the dark distance beyond the window.  “Well, you were right,” he declared, suddenly turning back to face me.  “I don’t have a clue who you are.  But the thing is...I want to find out.”

All of the oxygen had seeped out of the car.  Blood was rushing in my ears, my fingers tingled with nerves.  I felt like I was tilting in the seat, like gravity had flipped and suddenly I was fighting not to float away.  A million thoughts spun through my mind, none of them making sense.  Only one stuck out: I need to get out of this car.

And so I did.  I stuttered something incoherent and slammed the door behind me, practically running to the door then up the stairs to my room.  I tore my jacket off, then my shirt and jeans.  I felt suffocated by the constricting clothes, and pulled on soft shorts and a big tee shirt.  I began pacing across my floor, wondering if I’d just made a huge mistake.  Calum had said something I’d been itching to hear for weeks, without even realizing it myself.  But I couldn’t wrap my head around how we got here.  We fundamentally disliked each other, but somehow we’d poured our hearts out today and crossed into new territory.  I liked the territory, but I was terrified of it blowing up.  All it took was one wrong move for Calum and I to disintegrate, and I was scared of crumbling because of him.

I flopped onto the bed, staring up at the dark ceiling.  The stairs creaked in the hallway, and I felt the door to Calum’s room next door shut.  Having him so close but so far was driving me crazy and not helping me get over my anxiety.  I tossed and turned for what felt like hours, only thinking of him.  His eyes, his lips, his voice.  

Before I knew what I was doing my body took over and brought me to my door.  I twisted the door knob, expecting to walk into the pitch black hallway.  Instead I opened it up and was faced by the exact person I couldn’t get off my mind.

I hadn’t even heard Calum come to my door.  But here he was, clad in only a pair of black joggers.  I could barely see his face but I could make out his eyes boring into mine

I don’t know who leaned in first, but within a millisecond our lips connected.  My whole body reacted to his touch, lighting on fire with every skim of his fingers.  My hands went to his neck, his face, his hair.  I pulled him tightly against me, feeling his bare shoulders and running my fingers across his wide back.

His lips molded to mine like clay, his tongue teasing at my mouth as I breathed hard.  Our foreheads bumped together, teeth clashing and tongues dancing as the kiss deepened even more.  His hands ran along my sides, igniting the skin as he went.  I felt his fingers hook under my shirt, sliding up my skin and causing a string of moans to fall from my mouth.  The sounds only encouraged him, and I felt his thumbs brush my exposed breasts.

Our lips tore apart for a second, and I exhaled lightly.  “Calum,” I murmured against his cheek, and he attached his mouth to my jaw.  The sensation was overwhelming as he dragged his lips down my neck, finding a sensitive spot below my ear.  I couldn’t control my heavy breathing, and my knees weakened as he sucked gently on my skin.  I wrapped my arms tighter around his neck for support, melting into his body like butter.

He peppered kisses across my neck to my jaw to my face, kissing my cheeks before reconnecting with my lips.  The kiss had slowed down, softening into a sweet caress that calmed my racing heartbeat.  I traced my fingertips down his neck, resting finally on his bare chest as we disconnected once and for all.  My forehead bumped against his collarbone, his larger height making him rest his chin on the top of my head.

His hands rubbed up and down my arms, and I pressed a feathery kiss to his chest before leaning back.  I tangled my fingers into his, pulling him back into my room.

“Stay,” I whispered, and I heard him close the door behind him.  I fell onto the bed, pulling him beside me so we laid face to face.  He brought the covers up around us, encasing us in warmth.  I was finally breathing evenly again, sleep beginning to pull me under.  The last thing I felt before I went under was the feeling of his arm hooking around my waist and pulling me into him.

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[kindofcashton]

𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕕  •  chapter 10  (Calum Hood AU)

“HAVE A GOOD rest of your day.”  I smiled at the gray-haired woman as I handed her a freshly made raspberry tea.  She was the last customer in line, and everyone seated at the tables had been served.  Outside, the sun was shining almost painfully bright, casting golden rays through the cafe window.  I rested my elbows on the counter as I gazed at the world outside, wondering what the fresh breeze felt like on their skin.  I’d been at work for hours, long before the sun came up.  Mack had needed all hands on deck to do some rearranging with newly bought furniture and he decided since we were all there so early to deep clean the store.  I’d shined that very front window just this morning, and I wanted it to stay smudge-free for as long as possible.

“Hey, quit daydreaming.”  Roger’s voice broke me out of my daze, and I rolled my eyes at him.  Roger had quickly become one of my best friends in the entire city, and I could never stay mad or annoyed when he was around.  Even on the worst of days, he could get a smile out of me.  

“Why?” I countered.  “There’s no one to help.  Besides, it’s so nice outside and we’re stuck in here.”

He grabbed a small espresso mug and poured himself some tap water.  “Scarlett, are you seriously complaining about the smell of coffee beans and baking bread?”  I laughed; he was right.  If I had to be stuck anywhere I’d want to be in the cafe.  It smelled heavenly, and the warmth of the ovens was like a gentle caress.  Even though I hadn’t been paid yet, still on the probationary period Mack had set, I loved my job.  Coming to work was rarely a hassle, only when I was exhausted or having a bad day was it difficult to get through.

I joked around with Roger for a few more minutes, until the mid-afternoon crowd started filing in.  A couple of our regulars came in, and chatting with them was always nice.  I felt like I was part of a little community of coffee-lovers.  They often told me seeing my face was the best part of their day, because it meant caffeine was coming.  It was also nice having something separate from Hannah and the guys.  I was grateful for the help they were giving me, especially Hannah, but I liked having something that was my thing.  I missed being independent, and work gave me a little slice of that every day.

The rush died down, and the back door opened signaling Mack’s arrival.  He was usually in the back all day long, paying bills or making pastries or just hanging out.  As far as bosses go he was an amazing one; he was always open for questions and up for giving a helping hand, but he didn’t suffocate the employees or micromanage us.  As long as we didn’t screw up too often, he was happy.

“How’s it goin’ up here, you two?” he asked me and Roger.  What looked to be  brownie batter was smattered across his apron.  Mack was always making a mess while he baked.  

“Absolutely phenomenal,” Roger exaggerated, flipping a dish rag onto his shoulder.  “I’ve never had a day as exceptional as this one.”

Mack rolled his eyes, but under his bushy mustache I knew he’d cracked a smile.  “Try to contain your enthusiasm, Roger,” he said, and then he turned his attention to me.  “Your day is about to be even better than Roger’s here.”

I froze, heart beating fast in my chest.  Had the day finally come?  Was I officially an employee?  I’d lost count of how long it had been since Mack gave me the two week deadline.

“R-really?” I stuttered, trying not to get my hopes up.  

Mack folded his arms and regarded me with a thoughtful expression.  “I’ll admit, you were pretty crap in the beginning.  Must have screwed up every drink you made, somehow.”  I flushed at the memories of my rocky beginning.  “Still, you stuck with it, and now here you are, making mocha lattes left and right and only ruining a few of them.”  Roger gave me a mock high-five.  

Mack sent him a stern glance that Roger just smirked innocently at.  “Anyway, I’d like to officially hire you and start gettin’ you those paychecks you deserve.  Sound good?”

I had to hold in a squeal of excitement, not to mention a massive sigh of relief.  Just when money was really getting tight, I’d finally have an income.  Obviously part-time at a cafe wouldn’t earn me huge amounts of money, but I worked so often I was sure it would count for something.  

“Yes, that’s great.  Thank you so much, Mack,” I said, grinning ear to ear.  Roger pretended to stick a finger down his throat and gag, and Mack whipped him with a towel.

“Alright you two, get back to work.  I’ll have fresh brownies for the display case in half an hour.”

Once he’d disappeared back into the kitchen, I pumped my fist and let out a short laugh.  “This timing is perfect,” I told Roger.  “I have people at the bank breathing down my neck, this is exactly what I need.”

He smirked at me.  “You’re cute when you’re excited,” he commented, and I punched his arm lightly.  “We should celebrate after our shifts.”

“Perfect,” I replied.  “Wanna get dinner?”

“I was thinking tubs of ice cream and cheap beer in my car.”  I actually liked this idea; Roger had a cool souped-up convertible that I loved driving in.  The thought of sitting with the top down in the nice weather with a pint of ice cream and a paycheck in my future sounded amazing.

The rest of my shift couldn’t have gone fast enough.  Being in such a good mood helped time fly, and when two other employees came in for their shift after ours Roger and I happily clocked out and stepped into the warm breeze.

“I can’t believe you’re still taking the bus to work,” Roger told me as we climbed into his convertible.  I clicked my seat-belt and leaned back in the comfy leather seat. 

“Not all of us have fancy cars like this,” I reminded him, and he gasped.

“I worked hard for this car, Scarlett Mercer.  Don’t insult her like that.”  As Roger sped away I giggled, elated at the way the wind lifted my hair and the sun warmed my face.  He insisted on blasting awful music as we drove along the roads, and I was too busy laughing hysterically to be embarrassed.

When we got to the grocery store we decided to divide and conquer, with Roger getting the ice cream and me getting the beer.  I told him I wanted strawberry cheesecake, and he pretended to gag again as he told me, “Of course you’d be a strawberry cheesecake kind of girl.”

Wandering towards the fridges of beer, I had a blissful smile on my face.  There were so many choices and I was having a hard time picking something I thought we’d both like.  As I slowly moved down the aisle, I bumped into someone I hadn’t even seen in front of me since my thoughts were so distant.

“Oh, sorry--” I started, and then I realized exactly who I’d bumped into.  Messy hair, big hoodie, and a casual smirk.  Calum looked lazy and relaxed, like he’d just rolled out of bed even though it was the afternoon.  I smiled with a huff, pushing a lock of hair behind my ear.

“I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going,” I admitted, and he snorted.

“Clearly.”  He didn’t sound cold or mean, in fact his smirk was more of a smile.  I was still tentative around him, sort of feeling like I was on eggshells.  One wrong move and I’d scare him off, or make him angry.  I liked the weird in-between mood we had between us lately; not entirely polite, but definitely not cruel.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, adjusting the case of beer under his arm.  I gestured to the fridges in front of us.

“I need some beer, a coworker and I are celebrating.”  He didn’t ask what we were celebrating, which sent a pang of disappointment through me.

“Know what you want?” he questioned.  I was busy admiring the way the dark purple hoodie looked on his tall frame, and snapped my gaze back up to his.  

“Uh, no, actually,” I responded.  “Something cheap.  But other than that, I have no idea what to look for.”  I drank pretty much anything; as long as it had alcohol and it was in front of me, I never complained.

He rolled his eyes good naturedly, placing the case under his arm on the floor so he could fish through the fridge.  He pulled out an unfamiliar brand and handed it to me.  “This stuff gets the job done,” he explained, and I didn’t even check over the beer.  I trusted him.

“Thanks.”  I adjusted the strap of my bag on my shoulder, chewing my lip as I wondered what else to say.  I didn’t want this conversation to end, but I also didn’t want to force it.  Maybe it was in my imagination, but Calum also looked like he wanted to say something.  I silently begged him to speak, hoping my green eyes communicated clearly with his brown ones.

Just at this moment Roger came down the aisle to join me, ice cream pints in hand.  I saw the thorough once over he gave Calum, taking in his black shorts and messy hair and purple hoodie.  I also saw Calum inspect Roger, more specifically his nose ring and ear piercings.  It was weird watching two of my worlds collide, and I shifted uncomfortably.

“Um, Roger, this is Calum,” I started to say.  “He’s one of the guys I live with.”

Roger whistled.  “You’re living with four of these things?” he asked me, causing my jaw to drop and Calum’s brows to furrow.  He didn’t look pissed, thankfully.  Yet, I reminded myself.  There’s still time.

Chuckling awkwardly, I nodded.  “Uh, yeah.  And Calum, this is Roger, he works at the cafe with me.”

Calum gave him a short nod of recognition, expression entirely unreadable.  I was worried we were annoying him, and grabbed Roger’s arm to start leading him away.

“Well, I’ll see you later, Calum,” I called.  “Thanks for the beer.”  He stayed quiet as he watched us leave, eyes never breaking away from my own.  I had to be the one to turn around, even though I missed his gaze as soon as it left.

“You didn’t tell me these roommates of yours were Greek gods,” Roger hissed.  I rolled my eyes and dragged him to the self-checkout, just hoping we could escape Calum and talk in private.

“I don’t know, wouldn’t it have been weird to say ‘hey, I live with four guys who are ridiculously attractive’?  Besides, what does it matter?”  I scanned the beer and the two ice creams, dropping them into a plastic bag.

“So you think they’re ridiculously attractive,” he fired back, and I frowned.  

“I mean, they’re not bad looking guys,” I admitted.  “I don’t know, I don’t really think about it.”  This wasn’t true; I thought about how not bad Calum looked all the time, against my will mostly.

“Okay, and have any of them made a move?  Do you wanna make a move?”

“Make a move to do what?” I questioned as we exited the store.  My eyes immediately scanned the parking lot for a familiar red mustang, and I saw it parked a few spots away from Roger’s convertible.

“Scarlett, if you don’t jump that guy’s bones I’m gonna be pissed,” Roger expressed, causing me to blush.  “Seriously, if the other three are even half as good looking as that one, you need to get some action.”

“We’re all--friends,” I tried to explain, failing abysmally and instead burying my face in the ice cream.  

“Bullshit.”  Roger drove a short ways to the park, and stopped his car under a big tree so we had some shade.  He cracked open a beer and gave me one, and we clinked them together in a cheers.

“I’m proud of you for finally not screwing up enough to be hired,” he pronounced.  “But now I really need you to get with that guy so that we can celebrate something else.”

I took a swig of beer, pleasantly surprised at the taste.  Calum was right; this got the job done alright.  “I don’t want to get with that guy,” I answered.  “He was really mean to me when I first got here, we’re only just recently on speaking terms.”

“Hate sex: even better.”

I groaned; there was no escaping Roger.  I changed the subject to something else, tired of talking about Calum.  Really, I was tired of thinking about him.  The quiz night had been fun but incredibly confusing; I mean, just that morning we’d been arguing.  I didn’t have the time or energy to figure out what was going on with him, and didn’t want to waste my afternoon with Roger talking about it.  We ate our ice cream and drank our beer and enjoyed the sunny afternoon, and by the time Roger drove me home the sun was beginning to set.

“See you tomorrow!” I shouted from the front step as he revved his engine and sped off.  I just caught sight of his middle finger going up before I entered the house.

I was greeted by an all too familiar sight; Hannah and Ashton squaring off in the kitchen, screaming their heads off at one another.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, Hannah,” Ashton snapped, his eyes wild with anger.  This time though, Luke, Michael, and Calum were seated at the table and didn’t look too happy either.  What could she have done to piss them all off?

“Why are you giving me such a hard time?” Hannah demanded.  “I don’t need you making this more fucking difficult for me.”

“Difficult for you?”  I thought Ashton was going to blow a gasket.  No one had really noticed I was home, or at least I thought.  I saw Calum send me a heated glare that stopped the air in my throat.

“Do you think it’s easy finding out your girlfriend has been lying to you for months and doesn’t seem to find the problem with this?”

Hannah rolled her eyes.  “I can’t believe you’re actually making this about you!  Which is something you always fucking do, no matter what it’s about!  Everything revolves around you!”

Ashton sighed aggressively.  “Except this does involve me, because I’m your fucking boyfriend!  And it also involves them, and her.”  He jabbed a finger at the guys and then me, his expression just as angry when he was looking at me.

Luke spoke up from the table.  “Scarlett, did you know Hannah had failed out of college, not dropped out?’

I opened my mouth, prepared to come up with some sort of excuse, but Calum beat me to it.

“Of course she knew.  Maybe she’s lying too.”  I felt his words cut right into me; he’d been on my case about this for weeks, and now he was airing it to everyone else.

Ashton was looking at me expectantly.  “Well?  Care to explain?”

I took a short breath, sliding my eyes to Hannah’s desperate expression.  But there was nothing I could say to spare her now, not when Ashton knew she’d flunked out.  But I could still save myself.

“I don’t know what you want me to explain,” I bluffed.  “It was Hannah’s choice what she wanted to tell you.  I didn’t want to push her to do something she didn’t want to do.”  I wasn’t lying; Hannah agreed we’d keep quiet and respect each other’s wishes.  I wanted to keep my parents’ death and subsequent bankruptcy a secret, and she didn’t want anyone to know she failed out of her classes.  We knew it would be hard for people to wrap their heads around if they ever found out, but also knew they would never understand since they weren’t in our shoes.  I wished Ashton had some empathy for the girl he was supposed to love, but the anger and betrayal in his eyes was intense.  

“So you thought lying to everyone was the answer?” he demanded.  “I thought we’d already fought this out last time, when I found out you’d left school.  But to hear it was because you flunked?”

“What was I supposed to say, Ashton?” Hannah screamed, losing the last of her patience.  “You think I wanted to have to tell you I failed?  You’re this super smart, successful guy and I just wanted you to be proud of me!”

Ashton scoffed.  “Don’t blame this on me, I would’ve been proud of you regardless!”

“Really?  You can really say you don’t care that your girlfriend is so stupid she got kicked out of university?”  I could hear how Hannah’s voice was breaking, all of her insecurities bubbling to the surface.  She always struggled with feeling dumb, and being with Ashton didn’t help when he was so intelligent.  We all waited with bated breath for his response, and in my head I willed him to say the right thing.  Just say you love her, and want to support her.  Say it doesn’t matter that she isn’t the brightest student.  But Ashton was silent, apparently side-tracked by the brutal question.  I saw Hannah’s face crumble as she realized the truth; Ashton couldn’t be proud of her after what had happened, and he was even borderline ashamed of her.

Realization struck Hannah at this moment, because she let out a choked sob.  The sound broke my heart in two, and I rushed over to where she stood and wrapped my arms around her in a tight embrace.  I saw Ashton sigh and storm out of the kitchen, the front door slamming as he left us in the dust.  Hannah sobbed again at the loud noise, and I felt all of her pain seep into me.  

Michael and Luke looked like they didn’t know what to believe, and didn’t say a word to either of us as they disappeared upstairs.  Calum stayed seated at the table, staring forward and not looking at Hannah or me.

Hannah sniffled, and untangled her arms from around me.  “Thanks, Scarlett,” she murmured, her eyes indicating the depth of her gratitude.  I just nodded, a huge lump in my throat preventing any words from coming out.  Hannah and I had gone through an impossible situation together, and nothing could tear us apart after that.  I watched her retreat down the basement stairs to where she slept, suddenly feeling like I was going to collapse from the weight of the pressure on my shoulders.

I flinched as suddenly Calum came right up to me, his face inches away as he studied my own.  I was sure I looked shell-shocked and completely broken, and for a second I was humiliated at being so vulnerable in front of him.

“Calum,” I choked out, tears welling in my eyes.  If he detected my crying, he stayed firm.

“I know you’re lying too,” he whispered, the breath tickling my ear and making my eyes shut.  He didn’t sound forceful or accusing; just matter-of-fact.  “That was bullshit, what you said.” 

I took in a shaky breath.  “Please,” I begged, finally looking at him.  His brown eyes widened at the sight of my tears, and even softened.  I was slightly stunned at how kindly he was gazing at me, and wanted nothing more than to be wrapped up in his warm embrace.  

“Scarlett,” he said, trailing off as he reached a hand out.  I winced, and he saw my reaction and retracted his hand quickly.  I couldn’t handle the tension between us, all of the heat nearly suffocating me.  He wasn’t embracing me, he was drowning me.  I had to save myself.

“Please don’t ask me about it,” I pleaded, my voice barely more than a breath.  “I can’t...”  The words broke off into the air, and I swallowed roughly.  I just needed him to understand, just once.  

His lips parted, and I remembered when I’d kissed those lips all those nights ago.  How he made my stomach flutter in all the best ways, how his hands were like magic on my skin.  I leaned into him, only briefly, inhaling his scent that shrouded my mind.

He tilted his forehead forward ever so slightly until it grazed mine, the sensation like sparks igniting off our skin.  If I moved just a hair closer I could’ve kissed him.  Could’ve, but I didn’t.

Finally, he broke the silence between us with, “Okay.”  After the word left his lips, he leaned back and put distance between us.  A whoosh of air left my lungs, and I fought to keep steady as he passed by me.  As he did so, the back of his hand brushed mine.  It was the lightest of touches, but it was more understanding than I’d ever seen from him before. 

Not until I heard his bedroom door close could I finally breathe again.

#5sos #5sos imagine #5sos fanfic #5sos smut #calumhood #calum hood imagine #calum 5sos #calum hood smut #calum hood fanfiction #ashton irwin #ashton irwin imagine #ashton irwin fanfiction #ashton irwin smut #masterlist #michael clifford #michael clifford imagine #michael clifford fanfiction #michael clifford smut #luke hemmings #luke hemming imagines #luke hemmings fanfiction #luke hemmings smut #youngblood #calm #sounds good feels good

[kindofcashton]

𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕕  •  chapter 9  (Calum Hood AU)

HANGOVERS WERE SUCH a bitch.  Not only was my head pounding like a jackhammer, my body felt physically ill.  I could barely move when I woke up the next morning, not to mention the night before took a while to even remember.  I pieced together flashes until a succinct timeline began to form.  I remembered fruity drinks and loud music and a scratchy beard and a dark-haired boy that I kept pushing away whenever he reached out to help me.  As soon as I remembered Calum practically peeling the stranger off of me, my stomach twisted into knots.  It was humiliating, and my reaction to him didn’t help my case.  I didn’t necessarily regret having fun with a random guy in a club, but it wasn’t my finest hour for sure.  And though I was beyond irritated that Calum thought he had to save me, he deserved more of a thanks than I gave him.

But would I admit this to him in the light of a new day?  Absolutely not.

I couldn’t stay in my room forever, and I didn’t want to give Calum any suspicion that last night meant something or had rattled me more than it did.  My head was hurting way too much to study the details and figure out if Calum had any ulterior motives.  Besides, so what if he did?  I didn’t like Calum and he didn’t like me.

When I stumbled into the kitchen, surely looking like a zombie fresh out of a grave, Luke gave me a sympathetic smile.  

“Morning, sunshine,” he joked lightly as I grabbed a box of cereal and collapsed in the chair next to him.  His blue eyes were kind as he took in my awful appearance.  “Fun night?”

“You could say that,” I grumbled, blindly reaching into the box as I ate the cereal dry.  It was sugary and vaguely reminiscent of cardboard, but since I was hungover it tasted like the best damn food I’d ever had.

Hannah was sprawled across Ashton on the living room couch, and she gave me a half-hearted wave.  He was rubbing her shoulders and she looked half-dead too.  I bet her hangover was just as bad as mine.

“Why do we drink?” she groaned, rubbing her temples.  Ashton laughed and toyed with her hair, but she swatted at him.  “I’m serious, I always forget how much being hungover sucks.”

I took a big handful of cereal.  “Because being drunk is fun.”  It was true; I don’t think I’d ever laughed as much in one day as I did last night.  Sure, being drunk made me slightly stupid and naive, but at least I was blissfully ignorant.

“You would call what happened fun?”

My guard flew up as soon as Calum walked in.  His tone was sharp and accusing, and I grit my teeth.  I hadn’t told Hannah exactly what happened with the blonde guy; when she’d asked if I ever found him, I said I did and that he was a half-decent kisser.�� I left out the part where he nearly took all my clothes off in a crowded club and Calum came in to save me.

My skin prickled as he sat in the chair diagonal to me, eyebrows raised in expectation.

I chewed slowly on the cereal, tentatively asking, “What?”

“You’re eating my cereal.”

Blinking in surprise, I glanced at the box.  It was the stupid frosted stuff he ate every damn day, and I had my hand buried in it.  Flushing a deep red, I handed him the box and swallowed the half-chewed lump of cereal in my mouth, choking slightly as it went down the wrong pipe.

“Sorry,” I wheezed, avoiding his gaze as per usual.  I had no idea what he thought of last night, and I wasn’t about to find out in front of all our friends.  They began to clear out one by one though, as Luke and Michael left for work and Ashton attempted to disconnect from Hannah who held on to him like a child.

“You’re girlfriend is dying and you’re just gonna leave?” she cried, dramatically throwing a hand across her forehead.  Ashton rolled his eyes and moved her legs off his lap.

“You’re not dying babe, you’re hungover.  And you have Calum and Scarlett to take care of you.”

Hannah pouted.  “Scarlett’s hungover too, so that leaves Calum alone to take care of both of us.”

“I don’t need Calum to take care of me,” I muttered, not even fully aware that I said the words out loud.  Fortunately I said it too quiet for Hannah or Ashton to hear, but Calum visibly tensed in front of me.

“Oh, really?” he fired back, jabbing his spoon roughly into the bowl of cereal before him. 

Leaning back with my arms folded, I forced my face to remain neutral.  “Really.  I don’t need someone coddling me, I can deal with things myself.”

This made him look up, and piercing brown eyes trapped my green ones.  He looked almost angry.  “And what exactly are you dealing with?”  His question left me floored, and I couldn’t help the surprised gasp that left my lips.  But then I straightened in the chair, controlling my shock.

“What are you talking about?”

He leaned closer so his words only reached my ears.  “I don’t believe this bullshit about being on a break from school.  We all know Hannah lied, so how do we know you aren’t lying too?”

“We should be respecting my damn privacy, because it’s none of your business.”  Panic bells were sounding in my brain.  I thought no one questioned my half-assed explanation for leaving school, but clearly one person saw right through the bullshit.

Calum exhaled through his nose.  “Whatever it is you’re trying to hide from just became my damn business last night when I had to save you from yourself.”

“I’m not hiding anything!” I hissed.  “And you don’t have to save me from myself, like I said I’m fine.”

“Bullshit,” he whispered, and we had both leaned forward to the point where we were only inches away from each other.  “You were drowning your sorrows in cheap cocktails and gross guys.  People who are fine don’t do that.”

My chest was rising and failing erratically, my heart pounding just as hard as the migraine in my head.  “You don’t know anything about me, Calum.”  

The intensity in his expression had me by the throat, and I couldn’t have looked away even if I wanted to.  From such a close proximity I saw the way his jaw was set, how his brows were low with concentration.  I also noticed the two small moles on his cheek, and how his hair had the gentlest of curls.  I wondered what he was noticing about me.

Finally, painstakingly, he replied, “You’re right.  I don’t have a clue.”  And then he leaned back, breaking the brief connection we’d had and leaving me with a wall of cold air between us.

“What are you guys bickering about now?” Hannah called distractedly from the living room as she flipped through channels.  Ashton had left and the three of us were alone.  Calum shrugged his shoulders, still watching me even after our conversation had been forced closed.

“Nothing important, apparently.”  

With that, he stood up from the table and left me alone.  I thought he’d disappear in his room, or even leave in his car.  But instead he went over in the living room with Hannah, and the two of them started watching some show they both liked.  I didn’t have work today, which meant I had nowhere to go and no reason to leave.  I thought I’d do something with Hannah, but with Calum suddenly very interested in spending time with her I couldn’t just steal her away.

I remembered what she said about being friends with Calum before anyone else.  The way they laughed and joked together about whatever they were watching made me wonder how she was so close to someone that was so cold.  But Calum and Hannah had some sort of understanding; they squabbled all the time, but were never mad at one another.  They could go from criticizing one another to laughing about it a second later.  I almost wanted to beg Hannah to tell me all of his secrets.  What made him tick?  Why was he so closed off to new people?  Was there something about me he didn’t like?

I almost felt like I was invading something private, and so I stood up to go back to my room.  But then Hannah waved me over.  “Come watch, this episode is so funny.”

Glancing at Calum, who was very pointedly looking at the TV, I slowly made my way over.  The only place for me to sit was next to Calum, as Hannah had stretched out on one side of the L shaped sofa.  He had his long legs resting on the coffee table, looking nonchalant and comfortable.  I tried to mimic my position to be just as carefree, but as I sat on a crooked leg I felt stiff and awkward.  Why did he have such an effect on me?  I couldn’t even sit properly in his presence, for god’s sake.  Sighing, I shifted uncomfortably, and I felt his eyes on me for a brief second.  But as quick as they came, they left.

For the rest of the day, we were an unlikely trio.  We’d binged nearly a whole season of a TV show, and then got so collectively sick of it we had to do something else.  Hannah said she wanted to make “something exotic” for dinner, so we spent the afternoon combing the cupboards for the proper ingredients.  The most exotic thing we could think of making was a box of pasta with miscellaneous vegetables in the fridge.

Cooking together was actually sort of fun, and I was reminded of making that damned grilled cheese with Calum.  A few times we locked eyes, and I was sure he was thinking of that afternoon as well.  Having Hannah with us diffused a lot of tension, and a few times we even shared a laugh.  The intensity of this morning had evaporated as the three of us worked on our concoction.

“Add garlic powder.  No dish with garlic powder could possibly be boring,” I suggested to Hannah as she went through all of the seasonings.  

Calum snorted.  “I always thought cilantro was the secret key ingredient.”  I smiled, stirring the tomato sauce as it bubbled in the small pot.

“You’re burning the mushrooms,” he warned me, and I let out an oh shit as I realized that the crackling sound in the background was my mushrooms turning to black.  I frantically scraped at the pan, hoping I could salvage them.  Calum came over to lower the stove-top temperature, and examined the wreckage.

“I think they’re done for,” he announced, and I sighed, hands on my hips as I rolled my lips into my mouth.  A smile played across his face as he dumped the burnt remains into the garbage.  “It’s alright, mushrooms are shit anyways.”

“Hey,” I protested.  “I like mushrooms.”

He chuckled, resting the pan in the sink to be scrubbed off.  “Duly noted.”

By the time dinner was almost ready the other guys had returned home.  Michael immediately said he could smell our burnt food from the driveway, and Luke questioned if what we were making was even edible.  Hannah angrily yelled at them and went on and on about how the three of us had spent all day kindly making them a meal and that they better shut up and eat it.

“I love when you get angry,” Ashton complimented as he gave her cheek a kiss.  Hannah waved him off.

“Can’t kiss now babe, I’m working,”  She was wiping down the plates and preparing them as if this was a cooking competition, while Calum and I leaned against the counter snacking on slightly burnt homemade croutons.

“You know, these don’t suck,” I said, referring to Calum’s handiwork with the croutons.  He’d chopped some nearly stale bread and seasoned them with a bunch of things, and seemed fairly proud when they’d come out of the oven.

“Thank you,” he accepted graciously, a note of sarcasm in his voice.  “I wish I could say the same about your mushrooms.”  I elbowed him with a small chuckle, popping one last crouton in my mouth before leaning forward and joining the others at the table.

Hannah presented everyone with a plate of our pasta, which sort of looked like a lump of penne drenched in sauce with a bunch of nondescript vegetables.  I took a seat next to Michael, and Calum took the one on my other side.  

Luke poked his fork at a fairly limp looking piece of broccoli.  “Yum,” he said with a wince.

Michael coughed slightly.  “You guys love you some garlic, huh?”

My jaw dropped.  “What, is it too much?  I swear I only sprinkled the stuff.”  Calum chuckled beside me.

“I told you cilantro was the better option.”  I was about to come up with a witty comeback, but then my phone went off in the living room.  I quickly went over and scooped it off the coffee table, thinking nothing of it as I answered.

“Hello?”

“Yes, Scarlett Mercer?”  I recognized the sound of the woman at the bank.  I’d spoken to her quite frequently in the recent weeks, since dealing with my parents’ accounts and what little savings I had required the expertise of an accountant.

I gripped the phone, lowering my voice so the others couldn’t hear.  “This is her.  Is anything the matter?”

“You received a bill in the mail recently, yes?”

Biting my lip, I responded, “Yes, from school.”

“And have you received the one regarding the pipes?”

My brow furrowed.  “Pipes?  What pipes?”

“At your parents’ house.  A pipe burst in the basement and now there’s no water in the taps.”

I huffed, confused at everything she was saying.  “I-I put the house on the market, it’s supposed to be sold to someone else.  It’s supposed to be someone else’s problem.”

“Well, unfortunately it hasn’t been closed on yet, so you are still the one responsible for fixing any damages.  No one would want to buy a house without working pipes.”

I didn’t appreciate the smart remark at the end of her explanation.  I was already worrying about paying off school and did not need another useless expense.  I hadn’t even thought of my old house in weeks, I thought someone had already bought it or it was being handled by someone else.

“Um,” I stalled, pressing my fingertips to my forehead as I fought to concentrate on her words.  The others were laughing and chatting enthusiastically in the kitchen, sending a stab of remorse into my chest.  “I-is there anything left in any of the accounts that I could use to pay for this?  It’s just, I’m at a new job and I can’t--”

“There’s nothing else to tap into, unfortunately.  The last amount went to finishing off hospital bill payments.”

“Right,” I said, panic bubbling up in my throat.  “I...how much time do I have?  It’s just, I have to figure out...some things before I can pay.”  Yeah, figure out where the hell I’m gonna get the money.

“It’s not a pressing issue, but the sooner the better would be preferable.”

I wanted to throttle this woman.  Which was it, not a pressing issue or the sooner the better?  I sighed, pacing across the floor to quell some of my nerves.

“Okay.  I will...call you, when I figure this out.  I’ll call as soon as I can.”  I didn’t wait to hear her reply, as I ended the call and dropped my phone onto the couch.  My head was spinning as I returned to the table, suddenly sick to my stomach at the sight of my half-eaten food.

“Everything okay?” Ashton asked, stealing a crouton from Hannah’s salad.  I nodded, not even really paying attention.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”  I ignored the way Calum’s hand stilled by his glass of water, obviously hearing my bullshitted answer and remembering how I’d said the same thing this morning.

I pushed the food around my plate until everyone else was done, and didn’t hesitate before fleeing to my room to be alone.  I knew Hannah wanted me to relax about schoolwork, but for some reason hearing from the bank just made me desperate to dive into studying.  It was a coping mechanism that definitely didn’t hurt anyone, just made me a little crazy and overworked.  But now more than ever I wanted to reconnect with school, and what better way than to learn about the fascinating field of psychology?

Only I couldn’t study if I couldn’t find my textbook.  I tore my room apart looking for the damn thing, finding only my notebook and a different textbook from my physics class.

“Where is it?” I murmured, pushing a hand through my hair as I left my room to check downstairs.  I thought everyone had gone to sleep, but when I heard someone in the kitchen it made me jump.  Calum was doing the dishes, alone and illuminated by only one light in the ceiling.

“What’s up?” he asked upon seeing my stricken expression.  I shook my head at his loaded tone and looked around the kitchen for the book.

“I can’t find my psych textbook, and I really need to study right now.”  I was well aware of how crazy I sounded, considering it was late and Calum knew I was bullshitting.

He didn’t say anything, just dried off his hands with a towel and left to go upstairs.  I rolled my eyes, wondering how I’d pissed him off this time.  Exhausted and defeated, I fell onto the couch and stared at the blank TV screen.  A day that had seemed to be going alright ended shitty, as things always seemed to end with me.  I didn’t think I’d ever catch a break, and knew that whenever I got comfortable something would come along to fuck it up.

“Forgot I had this.”  Calum’s voice broke through my thoughts and I looked up as he entered the living room, handing me the very textbook I’d lost.  I was so stunned it took me a second to actually take it from him, and once I did he casually stuck his hands in his jogger pockets.  “I was bored out of my mind the other day and thought I’d give it a go.”

I frowned, flipping through the freshly dog-eared pages.  “You felt like reading a psychology textbook for fun?”  I closed the cover and held the book on my lap.  Calum fell onto the sofa next to me, shrugging.

“It was fairly interesting, although I disagreed with a lot of theories.  That Adler guy has inferiority complexes all wrong.”

My eyebrows shot up, not quite believing what I was hearing.  “So you read it, but you also remembered a specific theorist and his ideas?”

Calum shrugged again.  “Like I said, light reading.”

I narrowed my eyes, looking back down at the textbook.  “You’re a lot smarter than you let on, huh?” I voiced aloud.  Calum didn’t appear particularly book smart, and I wondered if he was ashamed of it or wanted to keep it secret.

“Doesn’t matter,” he said, and I frowned at his unsatisfactory answer.

“No, you should be proud of it.  Being smart is nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Who ever said I was ashamed?”  His voice was freezing, and for a second I was worried I’d pissed him off.  But there was a glint in his brown eyes, and I shoved him lightly.

“Alright, wise guy.  If you’re so unashamed then why don’t you help me study?  Quiz me on anything.”  I leaned my head back against the couch cushion, eyes closed as I giggled.  Calum took the textbook from me, and opened to a random page to begin asking me questions.

I had my eyes shut most of the time to concentrate, but somehow I still knew he was smiling.

#5sos #5sos imagine #5sos fanfic #5sos smut #calum 5sos #calumhood #calum hood imagine #calum hood smut #calum hood fanfiction #calm #ashton irwin #ashton irwin imagine #ashton irwin fanfiction #ashton irwin smut #masterlist #luke hemmings #luke hemming imagines #luke hemmings fanfiction #luke hemmings smut #michael clifford #michael clifford imagine #michael clifford fanfiction #michael clifford smut #youngblood #sounds good feels good

[kindofcashton]

hey!! i was just wondering what days do you update disconnected?

i don’t really have a schedule for my writing, whenever i’m motivated i guess lol :) if i’m ever going to not update for a longer period of time i’ll let y’all know

[kindofcashton]

𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕕  •  chapter 8  (Calum Hood AU)

I WAS DEAD on my feet at work the next morning.  A terrible night’s sleep combined with a headache like a hammer on my temple made for one awful wake up call.  I suppose the headache was the universe’s way of punishing me for blowing up at Jeremy.  After reflecting on our argument, I decided that although my points were valid I shouldn’t have gotten so worked up.  We were both in the wrong, and yelling never solved anything.

Hannah could tell something was wrong with me by the way I fumbled on my way out the door.  She had stood in front of it with eyebrows raised, silently demanding an explanation before I left.

Taking a deep breath, I’d only said, “Later” before breezing out the door to catch the bus.  I hoped she wasn’t mad at how distant I’d been; I didn’t need another person angry at me.

Roger also wanted to know how things with Jeremy went, but from the look on my face he found his answer.  I moved robotically for the first few hours of my shift, almost liking the automatic way I made the drinks and served them.  I liked the lack of emotion involved, because lately all emotions just made my life more complicated.

Unfortunately, my break from emotions didn’t last very long.  When my shift was nearing it’s end and I was busy wiping down the counter, a familiar figure stepped up to cast a shadow over me.

“Hi, Scarlett.”

Jeremy wore a tight expression, clearly smiling out of force.  His hands were in his pockets like he always did when he was uneasy, and I straightened up.  I couldn’t say I was surprised; Jeremy seemed like the kind of guy to make gestures like this.  I just didn’t know if I liked it or not.

“Can we talk?” he asked under his breath, glancing over at Roger who was nosily eavesdropping while he pretended to clean the espresso machine that I’d just cleaned a half hour ago.

I merely nodded.  “My shift ends in fifteen minutes.”  I turned around so I didn’t have to look at him.  Seeing Jeremy made me sad.  Not a sad in the I-miss-you sort of way, more like a grieving sadness.  It just felt over, and I was sorry to see such a promising relationship go up in flames so quickly.  

After hanging up my apron and fending off Roger’s endless questions with a vow to text him later, I joined Jeremy and walked outside.  It was a beautiful day, but I couldn’t enjoy the sunlight when everything was gloomy inside of me.

Licking my lips, I decided I was the one who should go first.  “I’m sorry, Jer.  I said some things I didn’t mean last night, things you didn’t deserve.  I’m sorry.”  I hoped I sounded sincere; I genuinely was sorry for blowing up.

He broke into a grin, which surprised me.  Then he pulled me into a tight hug, and I was so shocked my arms remained limp at my sides.

“I’m so sorry too, Scarlett.  I didn’t mean anything I said.”  He pulled back, but the grin on his face remained.  “I knew we’d just apologize and move on.”

His optimism made me sick to my stomach.  He actually thought a simple I’m sorry would suffice for the things we said to each other?  I pulled my hand out of his, taking a step back to distance us.

“Jeremy, I said I regret some of the things I said.  But a lot of things were true, and are still true despite an apology.”  I would always like Jeremy, because he was too damn charming to resist.  In terms of liking him more than that, however, I knew I couldn’t anymore.  Not after gaining a new perspective and realizing how utterly incompatible we were.

Jeremy scowled, looking confused.  “What do you mean?  How am I supposed to fix this if an apology won’t work?”

I sighed, rubbing my forehead as the headache returned.  “You can’t fix it, Jer.  And trust me, I hate not being able to fix things even more than you.  But...this, us...is over.”  Saying the words reopened the pit of sadness inside of me, and loneliness swept over me like a tidal wave.

Inhaling sharply and squaring his shoulders, Jeremy nodded once.  “Alright, fine.”  I could tell he was trying to act tough, and his hazel eyes were steely.  “See you later, Scarlett.”  He turned on his heel and stalked off, and I watched him disappear all the way down the street before walking away myself.

On the bus ride home I texted Roger a long paragraph explaining what had happened, and his supportive responses cheered me up a little bit.  The person I really wanted to talk to was Hannah, because she always knew what to say in situations like this.

She was curled up on the couch when I got home, flipping through the channels as she snacked on some popcorn.  Upon seeing me she muted the TV and patted the spot next to her.

“Alright, now you have to tell me what’s up.  Why were you arguing with Jeremy last night?”

Briefly I wondered how she knew.  I thought only Calum had overheard us.  Of course he told her, I thought with a sigh.  He could never mind his own business if his life depended on it.

Stealing some popcorn to stall time so I could come up with an explanation, I shrugged.  “It just wasn’t working out.  Our lives weren’t heading in the same direction, and I felt like I had to end it.”

She looked stunned.  “Wait, you ended it for real?  I thought this was just a fight!  That you’d want advice on how to make it up to him or what to say!  But you broke up?”

I frowned, irritated slightly that she thought I would’ve wanted to make it up to him.  “Hannah, I realized the guy was a self-centered flake, so I dumped him.  Why would I want to be with someone like that?”

“No, you’re right,” she insisted.  “I just thought he seemed so nice when we met him.  I didn’t catch any red flags.”  Hannah was just as charmed by him as I was, which made sense.  

“He was nice,” I said, and I remembered when Calum made fun of me for saying this about him.  “But he was also...inconsiderate, and kind of a douche when it came to certain things.  I don’t even have time for a relationship, really, not with school and the cafe.”  I wished this wasn’t true; I liked having companionship, someone to rely on who relied on me.  But the emotional weight was too much to bear on top of everything else, and I hadn’t even told Jeremy the truth about most of my life.  What kind of relationship did we have if I was lying to him?

Hannah chewed at her lip, and I knew she wanted to say something but wasn’t sure how.  Sighing, I said, “Alright, spill it.  What’s on your mind?”

She adjusted her position to face me head on, grabbing my hands.  “Okay, look, don’t take this the wrong way, but...you dropped out, Scar.  You’re not in school anymore, so why spend so much time studying?  What are you trying to achieve?”

I bit my lip, embarrassed at how it sounded when she said it out loud.  “I know it’s crazy, and a little obsessive, and a little pointless...but I have to go back.  Somehow I need to finish my degree, and start doing what I love.  I don’t want to float through life with no plans and no future.”  That was what Jeremy was doing, and I wanted the exact opposite.

Hannah gave me an understanding smile.  “Of course you should go back to school when you can.  But I’m talking about right now.  You’ve been to hell and back this year, Scarlett.  And not once did you take a break to focus on yourself.”

Her words were like a slap in the face.  I had been going and going ever since my parents died, refusing to slow down in case I slipped up.  But it didn’t matter; I worked harder than ever and still had to drop out.  And now I was nearly killing myself doing work that didn’t matter, and why?  Maybe to prove something to myself, or my dead parents, or the school that kicked me out.  Or maybe I was doing it because if I stopped, I’d have to think about them.  I’d have to come to terms with the fact that my parents were dead, and I was alone.

Looking into Hannah’s earnest eyes, I knew it wasn’t time to stop yet.  I would just reroute my priorities a little, give myself a night off once in a while.  “Alright,” I conceded.  “I did just break up with a guy, so I could use some cheering up.  Any ideas?”

Hannah grinned devilishly, a million ideas already shining in her eyes.  “I say we go out tonight, just the two of us.  There’s nothing a little fruity alcohol and drunk dancing can’t fix.”

I couldn’t help the smile that came to my lips, and I gave Hannah a tight hug.

“What’s with the love fest?” Michael’s voice sounded, and I leaned back to see him and Calum fall onto the couches across from us.  Calum’s expression was as sour as ever, full lips set into a deep frown.

“Scarlett is a freshly single woman, so we need to hit the town.  No boys allowed.”  Michael stuck his tongue out at Hannah, who giggled.

“Single, huh?” Calum said, eyes narrowed slightly.  I lifted my chin, trying to appear confident.

“Yep.  Broke up with Jeremy this morning.”

Michael whistled.  “Hell yeah, leave him in the dust.  You need a guy who’d move mountains for you.”  I smiled at him, grateful for the support.  Michael was such a sweet guy, he was almost as good at cheering me up as Hannah.

Someone who didn’t look very cheerful was Calum.  I thought the news of my breakup would thrill him, and give him a chance to get some final digs on Jeremy.  But he was oddly silent, as if processing the information.  It was one of the first times he couldn’t look at me, and I almost missed feeling warm under his gaze.

Hannah and I went out shopping for the rest of the afternoon, another part of her plan to cheer me up.  The day was too beautiful not to ignore, and I felt like the weather was celebrating my freedom as well.  I was beginning to love the city, and all of it’s quaint little secrets.  I started to recognize people, make acquaintances where before I felt so stranded.  It still didn’t feel like my city, but it was a lot better than it was before.  

We ransacked shop after shop, convinced we had to find the perfect outfit for tonight.  I must have tried on a hundred dresses, some downright awful.  But laughing about the ugly ones with Hannah was releasing some of the anxiety that had been trapped in my heart for so long, and I actually felt like I could breathe.  We ended up buying two cheap, skimpy dresses to wear tonight and sauntered home, bubbling with joy as we burst through the front door.

A heated card game was ensuing at the kitchen table between the guys, who barely noticed us when we came in.  They noticed when we came back down, though; these dresses were shorter than most that Hannah and I wore, with slinky fabric and thin straps.  Paired with chunky heels, we looked incredible.  What’s better is we knew we looked incredible.

Ashton’s jaw hit the floor when we floated into the kitchen to say goodbye before we left.

“Absolutely not,” he protested when Hannah gave him a peck on the cheek.  “How am I supposed to let you leave when you look like that?”  I smiled at how flustered he was around his girlfriend, and Hannah looked thrilled.

“Sorry, baby.  Girls only.”  She didn’t sound sorry at all, and her cherry red lips smirked at her boyfriend.

He wouldn’t let her hand go, and she leaned over to give his neck a kiss.  Ashton groaned.  “Please can I come?  I’ll be good, I promise.”  She giggled against his skin and pulled her arm away.

“No, Ash,” she whined at him.  “This is a girl’s night.  Besides, I’ll be busy all night trying to find Scarlett a worthy replacement for the dick she dropped today.”

“Already?” Luke asked, and I shot him an innocent wink.

“Who says I can’t have some fun?  I am single, after all.”  I was looking at Luke but hurling my words at Calum.  Anything to make him speak, because his eerie silence was unnerving me.  But he just shifted in his seat, taking a swig of beer and not even looking up at me.  I missed his harsh comments; at least then he was paying attention.  This stony silence was somehow even worse.

Hannah’s phone buzzed, and she linked her arm in mine before giving a mock salute to the guys.  “Our uber’s here, so that’s our cue to go.  Have fun with your little card game!”  Hannah cackled down the driveway, and I was out of breath from laughing as we climbed into the car.

“Ashton is gonna kill you,” I told her.

She looked smug.  “Oh, no he won’t.  He’ll do something much, much worse to me later.”  I hit her arm and we fell on top of each other laughing, causing the driver to give us a puzzled look in the rear view mirror.

I was already tipsy from happiness before we even got to the club.  It was packed, just like any other night, and I relished the way we disappeared into the crowd.  Tonight I could be someone, anyone else.  I didn’t have to be Scarlett, the girl with dead parents and more emotional baggage than an airport.  I could be daring, sexy, a risk-taker.  I could go home with one guy, ten guys, or no guys.  The night was up to me, and the control made my heart swell with delight.

Hannah and I ordered round after round of fruity margaritas, until we were so drunk we couldn’t contain our sudden bursts of laughter.  Everything was funny, from the bartender’s goatee to some girl’s polka dress.  At one point we were so wasted we could barely stand up to dance, and had to hold on to each other as we swayed unsteadily on the dance floor. 

When we’d collapsed at a table by the wall, another round of drinks in our hands, I took a long sip until half the glass was gone.  I loved the way being drunk made me so happy and giggly; I had absolutely no worries on my mind.  But I was still curious, and as I chewed on some ice I asked Hannah, “What is it like having Ashton?”  The question was worded poorly due to my intoxication, but drunk Hannah spoke drunk Scarlett’s language well.

She thought about it for a minute, or was just trying to remember how to form words.  “He’s like...my soulmate, dude.”

I let out a pssh of disbelief, and knocked back the rest of my drink.  “I thought soulmates were bullshit.”

She shook her head insistently and grabbed my hand.  “I did t-too,” she slurred.  “But I swear to God, he gets me.  Like, more than I get myself, you know?  Which can be an-annoying.”  She blinked slowly, orienting herself.  “I hate when he knows I’m bullshitting him, ‘cause that means I can’t bullshit him.” 

“So you think you’re like, meant for each other?” I yelled over the loud music.

Hannah sighed, sloshing her drink slightly.  “Even if we don’t stay together, he’ll always be my soulmate.  I could marry some other random guy, and Ash would still be my soulmate.”  She slapped the table for effect.

As my brain attempted to make sense of her jumbled words, I noticed a pair of eyes on me from across the club.  They belonged to a dirty blonde guy with a slight smile, who wasn’t trying to hide the fact that he was watching me.  When he saw me look over, his eyebrows raised, insinuating that I go over and join him.

Raising my empty glass to Hannah, I stood up from the table.  “Well, I’m gonna have that guy over there buy me another drink.  Maybe he’s been my soulmate after all!”

Hannah slapped my bum as I stumbled past.  “Go get ‘em, tiger!” she called after me, and I pumped my fist.  Crossing the floor in my heels was no easy feat, and I nearly tripped into people a few times.  As I moved through the crowd, I lost sight of the guy I was trying to find, and my vision was swimming as faces began blending in with one another.  I ended up by a corner of the club, and leaned against the wall for support.  Suddenly standing straight up was difficult, and I felt my body tilting towards the ground until someone grabbed on to me.

“Almost lost you there for a second,” came an oily voice.  Through my fuzzy vision I made out dirty blonde hair hanging in front of glinting gray-blue eyes.  Lips parting as I tried to form words, I gasped as I felt his stubble scratching against my cheek as he kissed me.  He tasted like bourbon and smelled like sweat, and his hands were too big and too rough as they prodded my body.  I felt my dress riding up and the straps sliding off my shoulders.  It wasn’t necessarily an enjoyable sensation, but kissing this guy was getting my mind off everything else, and that’s what I wanted, right?

I groaned slightly when he squeezed my thigh particularly hard, which he took as a positive sign and moved his hands even higher.  His tongue was berating my own, and I was nearly choking as I ran out of air.  Thankfully his mouth moved its assault to my neck, sucking and nibbling on the sensitive skin there.  I took big gulps of oxygen, trying to stop the room from spinning while my body fizzled with electricity.  I let out an unrestrained giggle as the alcohol still messed with my mind, my body reacting one way but my brain reacting the opposite.  I knew what this guy was doing was wrong, but when I was drunk everything had a funny, rosy glow that made me giggle. 

The guy was moaning as he kissed down to my collarbone, and I felt his hard arousal against my leg.  This managed to send off a loud enough warning bell to break through the drunken clouds in my brain.  I was not about to have sex with some random guy in the middle of a crowded club, no matter how ecstatic I felt inside.  My hands tried pushing him off, but he was stronger.

“What’re you doing, sweetheart?” he grumbled against my skin, gripping me tighter.  I winced at how rough he was being, and panted shakily.

“Nothing, just--wouldn’t this be better in private?”  My smile was breathless, and he must have misinterpreted my giddiness to be suggestive.

“You’re a fun one, eh?” he asked, and I reattached my lips to his.  If I kept him busy up here enough maybe he’d forget his plan to get in my pants, or dress so to speak.

And then a voice broke through the haze surrounding us, causing me to rip my lips away.

“Fun?  That’s a new one for you Scarlett.”

I didn’t know if I was so drunk I’d started hallucinating, or if Calum Hood was actually standing in front of me.  His arms were folded nonchalantly, expression plain as he took in the sight before him.

Struggling to stay upright, I used the guy’s shoulder for support.  “C-Calum?” I stuttered, hiccuping.  I couldn’t keep his frame in focus as I went in and out of consciousness.  I was so drunk I was on the verge of passing out, something I’d never done before.

“I think it’s time you dismount from this skeeve,” he suggested, making me scowl.  Who was he to say what I could and could not do?  I was having fun with a stranger who wanted to kiss me, and I wasn’t about to let him stop me.

“Oh, piss off,” I slurred, sloppily dragging my lips along the guy’s jaw.  Briefly I found it funny that I didn’t even know his name, and another giggle fell from my mouth.  The sound caused Calum’s brows to furrow.

“Are you sure you want to be doing that?” he warned, stepping a little closer.

The guy glared his way, grabbing my hair as if to show his possession.  “I think she told you to piss off, jackass.  Besides, she’s my piece not yours.”

A small smirk drifted across Calum’s lips.  “Right.”  I thought that was the end of it, and that he’d turn around and leave.  I was sorely mistaken as, in a flash of movement, Calum ripped the guy away from me, causing me to stumble against the wall and fall to the floor.

“What the fuck?” the guy shouted, raising his fist to swing.  But Calum got to him first, and grabbed him by the shirt collar.  Fear filled the eyes of the stranger, as Calum’s dominating frame cast a shadow over him.

“You’re the one who needs to piss off, now,” he said through clenched teeth, his tone deadly.  The guy glanced at me for a second, as if weighing whether or not I was worth the trouble.  Apparently I wasn’t, because he took off a second later.

I closed my eyes and tilted my head back against the wall, liking the feeling of being on the floor as I was hit with a wave of exhaustion.  I felt someone kneel before me, but kept my eyes shut as I chuckled softly.

He sighed.  “Jesus, you’re really wasted, aren’t you?”

I shrugged, splaying my hands out and grinning.  “Who really knows?”  Finally opening my eyes, I poked a finger at his chest.  “Why’d you have to ruin things?  I was having fun.”

Calum scoffed.  “Oh yeah, getting taken advantage of is super exciting.  Didn’t you realize he was about to have sex with you in the middle of a club?”

My lips fell into a pout.  “We’re not in the middle, more like off to the side.”  He sighed again.  “Anyway, I don’t need you to swoop in and save me.  I can handle myself.”

“Sure you can,” he mocked.  “You look really strong sitting on this dirty floor.”

I frowned, struggling to get up on my own as I attempted to prove him wrong.  He reached out to steady me, but I pushed his hand away. “Stop helping me,” I grumbled, finally making it to my feet.  He watched me closely the whole time, making me scowl.  “Stop looking at me, too.”  Calum shook his head in disbelief, hands on his hips in impatience.  

“I’m trying to help you, here.”

“Well stop helping me,” I cried, tripping slightly into his chest.  His hands steadied my arms, fingers warm against my buzzing skin.  “Just leave me alone.  All you do is make me upset.”

He looked a little surprised, but kept most of his composure as he looked into my eyes.  We were close, with my fists balled against his chest and his face mere inches away.  My eyes flitted to his lips, and then I tried to wrestle away.

“I told you to stop looking at me,” I whined.  Finally he conceded and let me go, but still seemed poised to catch me if I fell again.  I pulled the hem of my dress down and adjusted the straps, trying to appear put together in my disarrayed state.

But then defeat overwhelmed me, making my shoulders sink.  “Where’s Hannah?  I just wanna go home.” 

“She’s with Ashton.  That’s actually why I’m here; he was going crazy back at the house and dragged me here with him so he could be with her.”

For some reason this made my chest pinch.  “So you didn’t come here for me?” I asked, my question nearly drowned out by the music.  But Calum heard it loud and clear.

He hesitated before answering.  “No, I didn’t come here for you.”

My heart sank, and I couldn’t handle the excruciating heat of being so close to him.  I pushed past him to head for the door, but he was hot on my trail in case I needed help.  The cold air was a welcome relief as I ripped my heels off and carried them in my hand.

“We can wait in the car, I’ll text Ashton.”  I hardly heard him as I fell into the backseat.  He sighed before shutting the door and getting into the driver’s seat.

Sitting up just enough so I could see his face eyes in the rear view mirror, I slurred, “I’m not gonna say thanks.”

He met my gaze in the reflection, and I almost drowned in his brown eyes.  “That’s okay.”  His voice was soft, and the sound lulled me into a sleepy haze.  I wanted to say something else, but exhaustion took over my body and the words never came out.  Within a minute, sleep pulled me under.

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[kindofcashton]

𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕕  •  chapter 7  (Calum Hood AU)

THE FRONT OF the diner was dark, illuminated only by the neon sign of the restaurant and a dimly lit street lamp.  Cars whizzed by on the main road just beyond the parking lot, and I tried to steady my breathing as I focused on their headlights blurring by.

To say I had no idea what was going on would be the understatement of the year.  I didn’t know why Calum was acting so mean, I didn’t know why I suddenly felt uncomfortable around Jeremy, and I definitely did not know why thinking about Calum gave me the same feeling I got when I first talked to Jeremy.

“No, you’re insane,” I mumbled to myself.  What I felt for Calum was nothing like what I felt for Jeremy.  Jeremy was sweet and funny and Calum was rude and cold.  I was probably just jumbled up, and that’s why my stomach twisted into knots whenever those deep brown eyes landed on me.

I leaned my head against the wall of the diner, debating when I should go back inside.  I really didn’t feel like dodging Calum for the rest of the night, and I especially didn’t want Jeremy to catch on to my weird mood.  It’s better I stay out here a little while longer, I decided.  I have to be convincing when I go back, and right now that’s not happening.

Blowing out a sigh, I crossed my arms in the slightly cold air.  All of a sudden I heard the door breeze open, and my head whipped over.

Of course.  Calum was here.

At first he didn’t see me, hands in the pockets of his jacket as he peered out at the road.  But then he glanced to his left, and my breath caught in my throat.

I had little time to prepare before he strode over, by my side in seconds.  He too crossed his arms, and leaned a shoulder against the wall as he looked down at me.  His height was intimidating, bathing me in shadow.

Setting my jaw, I tried my best to appear tough.  “What do you want now, Calum?  Make fun of me some more?”

“I was making fun of your boyfriend, mainly,” he countered, making me purse my lips in anger.  His smug attitude drove me absolutely crazy.

“Why do you have to be such a dick to him?” I demanded, letting go of my inhibitions and cutting to the chase.  I knew arguing with Calum could end badly, either in a screaming match or with me crying.  But I was sick and tired of him, and it was time I figured out what the hell he was doing.

His expression was critical as he took in my question.  “Cause I think he’s a douchebag, that’s why.”  He said this so plainly, like it was supposed to be obvious

Huffing, I folded and unfolded my arms a few times, my nerves buzzing.  “All he does is try to be nice, and you treat him like shit.  I mean, he’s nice to me.”

Calum scoffed, and I knew I was in for it.  “He’s nice to you.  That’s what you like about him?”  My mouth worked unsuccessfully as he caught me in a freezing stare, and any words I thought up to defend myself dried in my throat.  Calum didn’t wait before continuing.  “The guy’s a pretentious ass.  I mean, he’s wearing $200 shoes and $20 jeans, that speaks for itself.  He clearly has money and no plans to make any of his own, and you’re like his little accessory that he can tote around to boost his image.”

I gaped at him in total disbelief.  “What are you talking about?  Jeremy actually cares about me!”  For some reason I couldn’t think of anything else to say in his defense, which frustrated me as I realized Calum thought he was winning.

“Are you actually saying you think he wouldn’t leave right now if some crazy opportunity came his way?  Some new adventure to help him find himself?”  Calum’s words cut like a knife, and I pretended it was because of how cruel he was and not because the words held some truth.

Looking anywhere but his face, I replied shakily, “H-he would take me with him.”  I knew I sounded pathetic without even seeing Calum’s triumphant expression.

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that, babe.”

Suddenly I lost all fight in me.  Whatever fire was fueling me up until now died away as I felt a lump grow in my throat, tears welling in my eyes.  I angrily blinked away the moisture, refusing to cry in front of Calum.  He didn’t deserve the satisfaction.  

With a weak voice, I asked, “Why do you hate me?  I mean, what did I ever do to you to make you treat me like such shit?”  I hated the way my voice broke, hated how I was so vulnerable in front of someone so cold.

But my words must have struck a chord within Calum, because he actually looked surprised as his usual smug expression fell.  Only for a split second, though; within an instant the walls were back up and he was unreadable.

He regarded me closely for a minute, and he was quiet so long I thought he wasn’t going to answer.  

“I don’t hate you,” he finally responded.  I waited for another explanation, anything else to back up his claim.  But that seemed to be it, and I scowled.  

“Like I would believe you,” I refuted, pushing the hair out of my face and moving off the wall to head back inside.  In a flash Calum grabbed my arm, and I whipped around to demand he let me go but was interrupted by the crash of his lips against my own.

A small gasp escaped my mouth as Calum pressed me against the wall.  Instinctively, my hands went to his neck, as his fingers tangled into my hair.  His lips were warm and soft, and he tasted like maple syrup.  I opened my mouth slightly and felt his tongue swipe against my own, causing a spark of heat to race down my body.  He couldn’t seem to pull me close enough, as our chests were flat against each other and I could practically feel his heartbeat.  

I felt one of his hands slide to my neck, caressing the skin lightly and causing a gentle moan to rise in my throat.  Calum heard the sound and it only made him kiss me harder.  Every nerve ending in my body was on fire as his lips worked against my own, molding and shaping in ways that had my knees weak.  Our tongues wove against one another, battling for a dominance I gladly let him have.  I gripped his hair between my fingers and placed one hand on his chest, feeling the racing pulse underneath. We were completely tangled up with one another, emotionally and physically.  I could stay like this forever, trapped in his embrace with his tantalizing lips capturing mine.

And then the hand I had on his chest suddenly pushed him away, as my subconscious seemed to take over.  My brain was foggy from the kiss, blocking out the warning bells that had been going off.  I was panting, and caught a glimpse of Calum’s swollen lips in the dark lighting.  

I’d only pushed him a few inches away, but it was as if we were worlds apart.  I didn’t give him a second glance before running towards the door, desperate to escape the brown-eyed man as well as the butterflies in my stomach.

- - - - -

I dragged Jeremy out as soon as I got back to the table.  I told the others in a rush that I was just tired and feeling a little sick, which wasn’t a total lie.  No one had caught on that Calum joined me outside, he’d claimed he’d gone to the restroom.  I didn’t see him before Jeremy and I left, for which I was grateful.

Jeremy was quiet in the car, which worried me.  Guilt was absolutely eating away at me, and every time I closed my eyes I saw flashes of my kiss with Calum.  I could still taste him, still smell his musky cologne.  I felt his hands on my face and his lips on my skin, leaving tingles in their wake.

Shutting my eyes forcefully, I attempted to banish the memories for good.  What happened was unexpected, and unfortunately I couldn’t take it back.  I didn’t waste time wondering why Calum kissed me or what it meant; it wasn’t fair to Jeremy for me to be pondering another guy’s feelings.  So I shoved Calum deep into the recesses of my mind and blocked out tonight’s events.  Jeremy was who I was with, and Jeremy was who I wanted to be with.

Feeling like I needed to clear the air, I voiced, “Can I go back to your place?  I like spending the night there.”  He had a huge bed that was softer than any mattress I’d ever laid on, and I liked how it felt sleeping next to someone.

Jeremy’s smile was full of relief, and he rubbed my knee as he nodded.  “Of course, babe.”  I could tell he had something else he wanted to say, as his hand fidgeted on my leg.

I twisted my body in the passenger seat to face him.  “You can say whatever you’re thinking, I want to know.”  I had a sneaking suspicion I knew what was bugging him.

“It’s just,” he started, trailing off with a sigh.  “That Calum guy was kinda being a jerk.”  I pulled my lips into my mouth; he’d said exactly what I thought he would.

“That’s because he is a jerk,” I told him with a shrug.  “We’re not that close, but everyone else is friends with him, so.”  I ignored the fact that we had been closer than ever tonight.

Jeremy pursed his lips thoughtfully.  “Makes you wonder why a guy like that even has friends.”  My eyebrows shot up at his forward comment.  Sure, Calum could be rude, but did he really deserve to be alone?

Yes, Scarlett, he does, the rational side of me argued, the side that wanted to be with Jeremy.

You don’t know what he’s been through to make him like that.  He could have a good reason, a smaller side claimed.  It was true; who was I to judge Calum when I knew nothing about him?  That wouldn’t be fair.

But is he fair in judging you when he also doesn’t know you?  There was that rational side again, always coming out on top.  I sighed and decided that Jeremy was the one I had to agree with, that my boyfriend was more important than some jerk who may or may not have a reason behind his cruelty.

We arrived at Jeremy’s nice apartment complex and rode the elevator up hand in hand.  He lived in a cool, futuristic building that I didn’t even want to imagine the price of.  His living room was bigger than my whole house back home, and the knickknacks on the coffee table alone could probably pay for my college tuition.

But I had never cared about his wealth before.  I didn’t think Jeremy flaunted it the way Calum claimed.  But then I noticed how dirty his kitchen was, the sink full of unwashed dishes.  That’s just what guys do, I rationalized.  My eyes traveled to expensive tailored jacket he’d worn to our first date just lying on his bedroom floor in a hump.  He’s allowed to be messy.  He had authentic movie posters and first edition books all throughout his room, adding to his cool, intellectual appearance.  But then I wondered if he’d ever read any of those books or seen the movies.

My train of thought was interrupted by Jeremy’s lips.  He’d closed the door to his room, leaving us alone in the dark.  At first I smiled into the kiss, always appreciating a spontaneous gesture.  But as he slipped off my jacket, and I unbuckled his belt, I realized how foreign his lips felt.  I’d kissed them nearly every day for a while now, but tonight I didn’t feel the way I used to when we made out.

Frustrated, I ripped off his shirt and tried to find some of that old spark.  He undid the button to my jeans and we fell onto his bed, clad only in our underwear.  His lips trailed down my jaw to my neck, his hands kneading my hips all the while.  I stared straight up at the ceiling when he unclasped my bra, hands motionless by my head as he left a love mark on my collarbone.

Throughout our whole night together, nothing felt right.  Not his kisses or his body or his touch.  I never felt the sweet release that I so craved, as I’d been worked up ever since my interaction with Calum.  As I laid beside him, wide awake while he was fast asleep, I felt a tugging in my heart.  I didn’t know why it hurt to look at his face, why I wanted nothing more than to run far away from this room.  All I knew was that my chest ached for someone that was not in bed beside me.

This ache didn’t subside by the morning, when I hastily left his apartment.  I told him I forgot I had an early shift, and he didn’t stall me as I rushed out the door.  It wasn’t a complete lie; I did have work, just not at the time I told him.  I gave his lips a quick kiss before leaving, earning a smile from him but a frown from me.

As soon as I got back to the house, I raced to my room to be alone.  No one questioned me as I had often spent nights at Jeremy’s before, and they all knew I needed to get ready for my shift.  I spent way too long staring into the mirror, trying to figure out why I thought I looked different.  I hadn’t come up with an answer by the time I had to leave.

“What is up with you today, girl?  You look like you’re about to either cry or kill someone.”  Roger said this with a joking tone, but it just made me sigh.  Work had been crazy, with an afternoon rush like no other.  I had gotten the hang of making drinks but Mack was still seriously understaffed, and Roger and I were drowning.

“Long night, I guess,” I muttered distractedly.  The woman I was making a macchiato for had a scowl like a dragon and a patience thinner than paper.

Roger knitted his eyebrows.  “Trouble in paradise?”  I knew he was referring to Jeremy.  I updated Roger every time we worked together on my boyfriend, as Roger had witnessed our first interaction.  He liked Jeremy, at least I thought, and was always up to hear about him.

“Not exactly,” I answered vaguely, wondering how much I should divulge.  I finished the macchiato and handed it to the woman, earning a scornful look that only worsened my mood.

Roger tapped his fingers on the counter, not satisfied with my explanation.  “You haven’t been going out that long, what problems could you have with him already?”

I put my hands on my hips, taking a breather as the crowd in the cafe lessened for once.  “We don’t have problems.  Or at least, easily identifiable problems.”

“Go on.”

I appreciated Roger’s encouragement.  Maybe it would do me good to talk this through with someone else.  “He’s great, nothing has changed.  And nothing happened, either.  I just...I used to feel something when he kissed me.  Something good.  All of a sudden, it was like a light-bulb burnt out and now...nothing.”

Roger frowned.  “You lost feelings?”

“No!” I quickly stated.  “At least, I don’t think I did.  I want to keep dating him, I just...want to enjoy it like I used to.”  I was making no sense, and frustration bubbled up inside of me.  Since when did my already complex life become even more baffling?

“Look, you’re gonna have bumps in the road.  It’s part of every relationship.  But if you really want to be with this guy, stick it out.  Things will get better soon.”  Roger’s words were comforting, and I gave him a grateful smile as I committed them to heart.

And I tried my hardest to follow his instructions.  I went out of my way to be with Jeremy, partly to improve our situation and partly because I was avoiding Calum.  We went to dinner nearly every night, and I would sleep over his place nearly every night.  He’d drive me to work and pick me up, then we’d spend the day doing whatever.  It was nice, and after a while I thought it was working.

Of course, too much of anything becomes toxic pretty quickly, and I realized this about a week later.  I’d been neglecting my schoolwork for him, and was falling way behind in the courses I was trying to keep up with.  I must have cancelled on him three times just to study, which surely confused him to no end.  Between work at the coffee shop, school, and Jeremy, I was beginning to lose my mind with all of the pressure.

Late nights were spent at the table, slaving over textbooks and drinking far too much coffee to keep me awake.  I was sleep deprived and stressed out, two things no one wants to be around.  Hannah knew to give me space, and Michael, Luke, and Ashton picked this up pretty quickly as well.  Calum didn’t need to give me space, as he’d barely been in the same room with me ever since our kiss.

If I walked into the kitchen, he left.  If we ran into each other outside our rooms, he slammed his door.  His rude comments were less frequent, but when they came they were downright malicious, like he was trying to hurt me.  He stopped attacking Jeremy and switched to me, criticizing everything I did.  If I looked bad after a long shift, he’d tell me.  If my books were crowing the table, he’d shove them to the floor.  It was like living with a human wrecking ball who wanted nothing more than to destroy my life.

I didn’t let myself think about why he was so pissed.  I didn’t want to give Calum any more time out of my day than absolutely necessary.  So I didn’t think about how hurt he must have been when I left him alone that night at the diner.  I didn’t think about how, if he didn’t care about me, he wouldn’t be upset.  I tried my very hardest not to think about him.

One day, I was at my desk in my room desperately trying to make sense of a sociology experiment that had my head spinning.  The words on the page all blurred together until it hurt to read them.  I had to push through, though.  The syllabus my professor gave me in the beginning of the semester said that this was the unit they would be on right now, and I wanted to be caught up if I went back.

When you go back, I reminded myself.  I wouldn’t rest until I was back in school, back where I belonged.  I couldn’t let my studies slip and miss an opportunity to get back on track.

I was so wrapped up in my textbook I didn’t even hear my phone ring until it had gone to voicemail.  “Shit,” I breathed, seeing that I’d missed a call from Jeremy.  I frantically called him back, wondering what he’d needed to talk to me about.

“Hey, babe, you didn’t answer.”  His familiar voice soothed my prickling anxiety.

Rubbing the back of my aching neck, I said, “I know, I’m sorry.  I’m just so focused on this essay.”

“You still down for tonight?”

My face fell at his words.  Tonight.  I had stupidly told him I’d go to his friend’s charity event before I realized how much work I had to do, not to mention my shift tomorrow was excruciatingly early and I needed a good night’s sleep.

“Shit, I’m sorry Jer,” I answered guiltily.  “I didn’t forget, I’m just so busy right now.  I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it after all.”

I could just tell he was mad, even in the silence that followed my response.

“Are you serious, Scarlett?” he said, sounding impatient.  I frowned at his tone; was he seriously going to guilt-trip me about this?  “You told me you’d come, and I already let Harrison know that I was bringing a plus one.  It’ll screw up the table arrangements if a chair is empty.”

I almost laughed out loud at his idiotic reasoning.  “Look, Jeremy, I’m really sorry.  But I can’t push this assignment off any longer, I’ll fall behind.”

“Why don’t you have that same attitude about us?”

My brow furrowed disbelievingly, and I stood up from my desk so I could pace.  “Are you equating my education to our relationship?  You know I have priorities.”

“And I should be one,” he combatted.

“You are!” I said harshly, my voice raised in frustration.  “We’ve seen each other practically every day.”

“Yeah, well then why do I feel like you’re not even there when I’m with you?”  He was yelling now too, which only made my voice get louder.

“I can’t help it when other things are on my mind!  I have a lot of shit going on right now, I thought you understood this!”  My pacing increased speed as I grew more angry and disoriented.

“I have a lot of other shit too, but I make sure to give you the time you deserve!”  

This made me absolutely snap.  “What other shit do you have going on?  You have no job, you’re not at school, all you do is sit around all day or hang out with your precious friends!  I’m working over here, trying to build a life for myself, a future!”

“What about a future for us?  Why aren’t you working on that too?” he butted in.

“I can’t do that all on my own, Jeremy!  We’re supposed to be partners, but I don’t even think we’re living on the same planet anymore!”  It was becoming all too clear that Jeremy and I would never work.  I was all about progress and organization; he wanted relaxation and spontaneity.  Sure, he was charming and I liked talking to him, but I couldn’t remember a single serious conversation we’d ever had.

“Scarlett, I don’t know why you’re saying all this shit.  What did I do wrong?”  He sounded like a little boy throwing a temper tantrum, and I gripped the phone to my ear.

“What’s the name of the charity?” I asked point blank.

Jeremy paused.  “What?”

I closed my eyes.  “What is the name of the charity we were supposed to support tonight?”

His stalling gave me all the answers I needed.  “Uh, I’m not sure, Harrison has all the details--”

“It was for the children, Jeremy!” I screamed into the receiver.  “The starving fucking children!”  And with that, I slammed my thumb down on the end call button and threw my phone onto the bed, seething with anger.

I ripped open the bedroom door, breathing hard and needing to splash some water on my face.  Just as I stepped into the hall I realized Calum was right outside his own room, and had probably heard every bit of the argument just now.

As always, I couldn’t tell what he was thinking.  He was frowning deeply, brows low on his face and eyes dark as he took in my shaky figure.  I felt sick to my stomach as I looked at him.

Letting out a morose scoff, I hissed, “Happy now?”  And then I stalked right by him and slammed the door to the bathroom behind me, turning on the faucet to drown out the sound of my sobs.

#5sos #5sos imagine #5sos fanfic #5sos smut #calum 5sos #calumhood #calum hood imagine #calum hood smut #calm #calum hood fanfiction #ashton irwin #ashton irwin imagine #ashton irwin fanfiction #ashton irwin smut #masterlist #michael clifford #michael clifford imagine #michael clifford fanfiction #michael clifford smut #luke hemmings #luke hemming imagines #luke hemmings fanfiction #luke hemmings smut #youngblood #sounds good feels good

[kindofcashton]

disconnected is awesome!!! cant wait for your next update🤩

just posted it, enjoy! :))

[kindofcashton]

𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕕  •  chapter 6  (Calum Hood AU)

ABOUT A WEEK passed by, and it ended up being the best few days of my life.  Work was going extremely well, as I met the other employees and found they were just as personable and easy to get along with as Roger.  I looked forward to the morning rush and late shifts, as I had a makeshift family to help me get by.  Jeremy was as amazing as ever, and I saw him as often as I could.  We saw a movie, got more chinese food, and one night decided to stay in and hang with his friends.  They were a lot like him; smart, charming, and all itching for an adventure.  When they told me all about the trips they’d taken over the years, I couldn’t help but envy their exciting life.  Jeremy had already started bringing up the idea of traveling somewhere, which thrilled me.

Hannah and Ashton were pretty much back to normal, as both of them chose the tactic of ignoring their problems in order to get over them.  I knew this would come back to bite them, but they were just so happy I didn’t have the heart to warn Hannah.

A few more brisk encounters with Calum finally made me snap.  After he’d mocked how clingy I was to my new boyfriend, I decided then and there that I wouldn’t let Calum get to me.  The only effective way to combat his cruelty was with overwhelming kindness.  They do say kill them with kindness, after all.

One afternoon after I’d returned from an early morning shift, I felt famished and decided to actually cook something for lunch.  I was sick of pizza and frozen food, and I missed a good home cooked meal.  Assembling the ingredients for a simple grilled cheese, I heard footsteps as Calum came in to grab some cereal.  He was always eating that stupid frosted stuff, and I wondered if he ever ate anything else.

“You’re cooking?” he asked pointedly.  “I thought you could barely function in a kitchen.”

Plastering a smile on my face, I pressed my palms against the counter to release a bit of my frustration.  “Say whatever you want, Calum.  Mock me till you’re blue in the face, I don’t care.  I’m just going to enjoy my grilled cheese in peace.”  I ignored his surprised expression as I started to assemble the sandwich.  The heat of his stare was hard to function under, however, and a few times my hands slipped.

I heard him scoff, and whipped my head over.  Remember, you’re supposed to be nice, I reminded myself, gritting my teeth as I said jovially, “Is something wrong?”

He eyed me warily, lips parted.  “Why do you look like that?”

“Look like what?”  The grin on my face was so wide it hurt.

“Happy, cheerful.  You’re being nice.”  He rose from the table and wandered closer, arms folded defensively against his chest.

I shrugged, closing the sandwich and flipping on the stove top.  “I’m a nice person, it’s what I do.”  I couldn’t tell if he scoffed or genuinely chuckled, but it didn’t matter.  

There were a few seconds of silence as I prepared to drop my sandwich onto the pan, but then Calum quickly reached an arm out to stop me.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, what do you think you’re doing?”

My smile finally faltered into a frown.  “What?  I’m grilling my grilled cheese.”

He shook his head impatiently, and grabbed the sandwich from my hands.  

“Hey!” I protested, watching him take something from the fridge.  He returned with a ripe red tomato and tub of butter..

“You’re doing this all wrong,” he informed me, using a knife to expertly slice the tomato.  I scowled, crossing my arms.

“I don’t think there’s a wrong way to make grilled cheese.  It’s cheese and bread, Calum.”  He glanced at me with raised eyebrows, as if saying seriously?

He finished cutting the tomato and added a few slices to my sandwich.  “There most definitely is, Scarlett.”  The way he said my name sent shivers down my spine.  I didn’t know why he was being...less mean than normal.  I wouldn’t classify it as nice, but it was definitely preferable to his regular attitude.  Maybe my kindness method is working.

“See, you were just gonna dump this into the pan with no butter, and probably end up with a burnt, flavorless sandwich.  If you butter both sides, then you’ll end up with a golden crust that actually tastes like something.”  I watched his movements carefully, biting my lip as I realized how close we were standing.  This was the most civil conversation we’d ever had, and I had no idea how to feel.  The only thing I knew I definitely felt was hungry.

“Voila,” he announced, and then delicately placed the sandwich in the searing pan.  I cleared my throat, leaning against the counter top to try and gain some distance between us.

“Now we cover it with the lid, right?  So the cheese melts.  I’ve seen them do it on cooking shows all the time.”  I wanted to kick myself at how stupid I sounded?  Cooking shows?  Calum definitely thought I was lame.

He just rolled his eyes with a smirk.  “No, Scarlett, we’re not gonna do that.  Yet, that is.  Wait until we flip it and then cover, so the cheese is the perfect amount melted.”

I chewed the inside of my cheek, tapping my foot impatiently.  Awkward silence hung in the air between us as he watched the sandwich and I watched anywhere but his face.  After a while I let out a small sigh, and saw Calum shake his head with a chuckle.

“What?” I asked, tired of his constant mocks.

“You’re impatient, you know that?  Always trying to rush through things. Sometimes you need to wait.”  I opened my mouth to fire something back, but decided against it.  He wasn’t exactly wrong, and kindness didn’t include arguing.

“Fine,” I agreed.  Calum’s brown eyes met mine briefly, where I once again saw the cogs turning in his mind.  What was he thinking?  I had absolutely no idea what he was ever thinking, since he was so damn hard to read.  Swallowing nervously, I shifted my feet.

“What?” I finally demanded, growing hot under his stare.

He rolled his lips into his mouth, still thinking.  The anticipation for his answer was nearly killing me, and I held my breath as he finally opened his mouth to speak.

“Now it’s time we flip it.”

A whoosh of disappointment left my lips, and I mentally scolded myself for getting so worked up over nothing.  Calum handed me a spatula to do the honors, and I gave the sandwich a quick flip.

He was right; the bread was the perfect golden brown color.

“Okay, maybe you’re onto something,” I complimented.  “But I’m still not sold on the tomato part.”

“Oh, you will be,” he promised.  

I nodded, trying desperately to avoid looking at his face.  While I was glad we were being civil, I felt more confused than ever.  He’d spent the week making fun of my boyfriend and criticizing my every move, and now all of a sudden here he was making jokes about a damned sandwich.  Some switch had flipped in his mind to make him change his attitude, but I wondered what it was.  I briefly recalled the letter he’d received the other day from someone named Margaret Hood, and went through a thousand possibilities of who she could be.  His mother, sister maybe?  A grandmother or distant relative?  Why was the envelope so plain, and why did I know absolutely nothing about his family?  I knew a fair amount about the other three guys, but Calum was still an enigma.

Calum’s voice broke me out of my thoughts as he said, “Hey Scarlett, it’s burning.”

Gasping, I grabbed the pan and flipped the sandwich onto my plate, breathing a sigh of relief as I saw it was only slightly darker.  Dropping the pan, I shoved at Calum’s chest.  “Why didn’t you grab it if you knew it was burning?”

He grabbed my wrist to stop me from hitting him, and I felt flames erupt where his fingers touched mine.  “Because you have to learn on your own,” he explained, and before I let the dizzying effects of his touch get to me even more I wrenched away.

I grabbed a knife to cut the sandwich in half, but before I could Calum stopped me.

“Wait, this is crucial.  Which way do you cut your sandwich; straight down the middle or diagonal?”

The intensity in his gaze scared me, but then I realized it was mainly a joke.  Narrowing my eyes, I considered his question.  Biting my lip, I answered, “Diagonal.”

He let out a phony sigh of relief.  “Thank god.  I didn’t want another reason to dislike you.”  His light tone but serious expression absolutely bewildered me.

“What are you talking about?” I questioned with a nervous laugh, attempting to conceal my panic.

“Well, you’re impatient and a bad cook, but at least you cut your sandwiches the right way.”  His smirk defused my anxiety, and I wanted to punch the smug expression right off his face.

“Whatever, Calum.”  I grabbed the plate, raising it towards him.  “Want to enjoy some of your handiwork?  Since it is immaculate, after all.”

He rolled his eyes and joined me at the table.  We each grabbed a half and took a bite.  As soon as I tasted the melted cheese and roasted tomato I knew he was right.  Something about this sandwich was just better than other ones, and I told myself it was the butter and not that I’d made it with Calum.

“Wasn’t I right?” he asked with his mouth full, and I laughed at his impoliteness.

Swallowing, I tipped my head to the side.  “It’s...acceptable.  Definitely a passable grilled cheese sandwich.”

“Oh, you’re kidding me.  It is so--”

“What are two arguing about now?”  We both whipped over to see Hannah and Ashton striding into the kitchen, hand in hand.  They’d barely been disconnected from each other for more than five minutes lately.

“We’re not arguing,” I explained.  “Just eating a sandwich.”  Calum and I shared a knowing look, and my stomach fluttered at the sight of a sparkle in his brown eyes.

“Got any plans later, Scar?” Ashton asked me, detaching from Hannah’s hand as he assembled his own lunch.  “We were all gonna try out that new diner by the club.”

I frowned.  “That sounds fun, but I made plans with Jeremy later.”  I pretended I didn’t see the way Calum’s face grew smug at the mention of my boyfriend’s name.

“Ask him to come with us,” Hannah proposed.  “We all do things as a group mostly, and it’s time he joins in the fun.”

Smiling nervously, I fiddled with my hair.  “Are you sure?  I know we just started dating, and I didn’t want you to feel like--”

“Are you kidding?  He’s coming, I want to talk to this guy about how he’s treating my girl,” Hannah told me, and I smiled.  Maybe it would be fun to go out with the group, especially since that would make spending time with Jeremy a lot easier.  In a perfect world he’d assimilate right into the group.

Across the table, Calum took a bite of the grilled cheese, eyes glued to me the whole time.  “What a good idea,” he commented.  “I’d love to meet this Jeremy guy.”

The blood in my veins went ice cold.  Of course Calum would be difficult about this.  There was no way he’d be civil at a dinner my boyfriend was attending, and suddenly I regretted saying yes.

“Great!” Ashton cheered.  “This should be fun.”

Taking a deep breath, somehow I knew it would be anything but that.

- - - - - 

I felt slightly better after calling Jeremy.  He sounded excited at the prospect of finally meeting my friends, as I’d already hung out with his.  I gave a vague warning about them, that they were tightly knit and wary of outsiders.  But of course, Jeremy vowed to charm them into submission.  I only hoped his charm worked on Calum, the toughest one to break down.

Anxiety riddled my mind as Hannah and I got ready in the upstairs bathroom.  I was dressed more casual than normal, with black jeans and a crop top paired under a big denim jacket.  Hannah went with a skirt, because apparently “even a diner is a good enough excuse to show off.”

I went light with makeup and swiped on some of the champagne gloss from yesterday.  It granted me good luck on our first date, and I prayed it helped me and Jeremy tonight.

“Why are you so nervous?” Hannah asked, clearly seeing the way I was chewing my lip.  I shrugged off her question, trying to fake confidence, but she saw right through the facade.  “Spill it, Scar.  Something’s been eating away at you for hours.”

Huffing, I frowned as I sat on my palms on the bathroom counter.  “It’s just...Calum can be difficult, and I don’t even think he likes me...so I guess I’m just worried he’ll make Jeremy’s night hell.”

She considered this, tapping a lipstick tube against her cheek thoughtfully.  “I don’t think Calum dislikes you...” she started, and her tone wasn’t making me feel any better.  “He’s just an ass like that.  You’re this shiny new thing, and he doesn’t like shiny new things.  Hence is century old car and vintage clothes.”

This only deepened my frown.  “But I just want to be, I don’t know, cordial with the guy.  And today gave me a sliver of hope, but--”

“Look, this might surprise you,” Hannah interjected.  “But I was actually friends with Calum before any of the other guys.  Before I’d started dating Ashton, even.  And he was a hard-ass back then too.  But once you break down his stupid exterior he’s actually a great guy.  I don’t put up with any of his bullshit, so there’s a level of respect between us.”

I sighed.  “I’m not as...confident as you, I guess.”  I tried to find a way to say blunt that wouldn’t offend Hannah.  I loved how forward she was, it just wasn’t me.  I didn’t see myself calling Calum out on anything; I wanted to fix things first, make our friendship natural.

“He’ll come around,” she promised, finishing her makeup with a smack of her cherry red lips.  “But I wouldn’t count on tonight being that night.”

Nodding, I accepted the inevitable.  If Calum was going to be difficult, I was just going to have to try even harder to kill him with kindness.  He just seemed so bulletproof when it came to anything, I doubted any method I tried would warm him up to me.

Jeremy said he’d swing by to pick me up and we’d drive to the diner together.  The guys were all waiting in the kitchen when Hannah and I descended the stairs, and I was shocked to see Jeremy already with them.

Smiling nervously, I gave him a quick hug and kiss as he pulled me into his chest.  “You didn’t text me, I thought we were driving together?”

“We are, I just thought I’d do the polite thing and actually come to the door this time.”  He kissed the top of my head, and I felt my smile turn to a grimace.

“Went a little farther than the door,” I tried to joke, but my voice wavered.  I glimpsed Calum’s smug expression at my obvious discomfort, and did my best to smile for real.

“They haven’t scared you off yet, that’s a good sign.”  Jeremy smiled at my comment, and gave my arm a squeeze.

“Nah, these guys are cool.  I was just telling Calum how sick his car is.  I’ve always wanted to get into classic cars.”

Calum’s smirk set my teeth on edge.  “You gotta go slowly, start out small before you dive off the deep end.”  His words were directed straight at me, and I was suddenly overheating in Jeremy’s close embrace.  I shook him off and cleared my throat.

“Shouldn’t we go?  I’m starving.”

Everyone nodded and started for the door, and as Calum breezed by me he whispered, “That grilled cheese not enough for you?”

I didn’t get a chance to even react before he was out the door.

Jeremy’s hand was on my thigh the whole drive, and for the first time this action irritated me.  I didn’t know why I was suddenly so frigid around him; everything had been going good for us.  But for some reason every time he touched me my body got hot, and not in a good way.  Not in the way I felt when Calum looked at me.

What the fuck?  Why did that thought just cross my mind?  I’m starting to lose it.  And it was Calum’s fault.  Hannah may have said he was a good guy, but so far he was anything but.  A good guy wouldn’t be making me feel this confused and stressed.

The diner was quaint and dimly lit, and the smell of french fries greeted us as we walked inside.  We were seated at a big booth by the window, and I was on the end next to Jeremy with Luke on his other side.  I was glad Calum wasn’t next to him, but unfortunately he was right across from me, which meant I had to stare at him all night.  Or avoid staring at him, that is.

Jeremy and I shared a menu, pointing things out to each other as we tried to figure out what to order.

“You want to split waffles?  I’m in the mood for breakfast,” I proposed, but he shook his head.

“I was looking at the grilled cheese.”

My heart all but stopped, and before he even spoke I knew Calum had some snarky comment for this.

“Oh really?  Scarlett loves grilled cheese.”  His smirk was cold as he glared over at Jeremy, who was completely oblivious to the tension between me and Calum.

“We could share, then,” he said, smiling at me.  I leaned against his shoulder for a second, mainly for the comfort I thought it would give me.  Instead it made me feel uncomfortable cosying up to my boyfriend in front of Calum.

Jeremy ordered his sandwich and I decided to still get the waffles, desperate for some feel-good food to ease my nerves.  Michael jumped into telling a story about something that happened at work, some sort of glitch that almost destroyed a month’s worth of work.

“What do you do for work?” Michael asked once he was done, question aimed at Jeremy.  

“I’m in between gigs right now,” Jeremy answered smoothly.  “Kind of just living life, you know?  Everyday’s an adventure, ‘specially with this one.”  He wrapped an arm around my shoulder, and my cheek pressed against his chest as I tried to smile.

Calum took a sip of his soda, eyebrows raised.  “Right, living your life.  That’s revolutionary.”

I kicked his leg under the table, and a brief expression of shock crossed his face.  I sent him a seething glare, but all it did was fuel his fire.

Jeremy chuckled awkwardly, not knowing what to make of Calum’s comment.  “Not trying to be revolutionary, I just care about enjoying myself.  Why waste time doing something that makes you unhappy, right?”

“Right,” Hannah cut in before Calum could say anything else.  She sent him a freezing glare of her own, for which I was grateful.  “I like your attitude, Jeremy.  Very inspirational.”

Jeremy beamed at her praise, and I squeezed his hand, glad he was fitting in with at least some of my friends.

The food came shortly after, and everyone dived right in.  Hannah gave me a few of her fries, and I gave her a chunk of waffle.  I was dying to try Luke’s pasta, and he took my cup of fresh fruit.  I liked the family style dinner we had going on, giggling as Jeremy fed me some of the grilled cheese.

A string of melted cheese hung off my bottom lip, and I wiped it with a grin as I nodded my head.  “It’s delicious, you picked good babe.”  For some reason I wondered if the chef had buttered the bread correctly, and why he decided to cut it straight down the middle when diagonal was so much better.

Oh my god Scarlett, what are you doing? I scolded myself, suddenly sick to my stomach.  I pushed my half eaten waffles away, only for Calum to swoop in with a fork to take some.  He dunked a chunk of waffle into the cup of maple syrup, and my jaw dropped as he brought it to his mouth with a triumphant flip of his fork.

No one else had noticed this innocent gesture, but as I watched him chew I knew he was thinking about the flawed grilled cheese too.

Suddenly feeling suffocated, I balled up my napkin and stood up abruptly.

“You okay?” Luke questioned.

“Yeah, yeah, I just need some air.”  I went to get out of the booth, and Jeremy grabbed my hand.

“Want me to come?”  He sounded so earnest and his eyes were so damn sweet.  Looking at him made me sick.

“No, it’s fine, enjoy your food.  I’ll just be a second.”

I tried to control my strides and keep them even, but as soon as I was out of view of the booth I practically ran outside into the chilly night air.

#5sos #5sos imagine #5sos fanfic #calum 5sos #5sos smut #calumhood #calum hood imagine #calum hood smut #calm #calum hood fanfiction #ashton irwin #ashton irwin imagine #ashton irwin fanfiction #ashton irwin smut #masterlist #luke hemmings #luke hemming imagines #luke hemmings fanfiction #luke hemmings smut #michael clifford #michael clifford imagine #michael clifford fanfiction #michael clifford smut #youngblood #sounds good feels good

[kindofcashton]

Dude ugh! I cannot express to you how much I am loving Disconnected. It’s soo good this is the first time in sooo long that I’ve been excited for chapter updates on a fic

i’m lowkey excited for them too I just always want to keep writing because I can’t wait to get to the next parts