Inner conflict of a nurse
And I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you the attention you deserved,
because 26 other people wanted it too.
And how could I say they deserved it less than you,
how could I say they deserved it more…
I’m sorry I couldn’t be with you more often
or talk a little bit longer
or listen just a minute more.
You had so much to say
but I had no time
and you held back because you saw…
saw the tension below my surface.
Or only felt it,
it doesn’t matter.
I’m sorry I couldn’t be the calm presence you deserved during your stay
and I’m sorry… I would have loved to talk more,
to not have to calmly leave your room
only to start sprinting the second I closed the door behind me.
I’m sorry I had to cut our conversations short,
hovering in the open door,
more leaving than staying
because countless other things demanded my attention,
all equally important.
If I could only explain to you the frustration
I feel most days
because I can’t blame anyone.
Everyone is important,
everyone has the right to demand attention…
and I’m in the wrong for getting angry
at nothing in paticular.
It’s not your fault.
Please excuse my stressed rushing,
my hastened words
like doves in a cage.
I don’t mean to offend you.
I’m just trying to meet everyones expectations
as far as I can without breaking.
I’m like the mother of five children,
desperatly trying to share my attention evenly
and not leaving a child out.
So please forgive me…
I’m serving a system that isn’t made for humanity.
- Malin Rayne-