kopari

[kopari]

I read an introduction to a collection of folktales starring girls one time that was like “unlike Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty or Snow White, these girls are great role models for my daughters because they are strong and not passive pictures of the way Victorians wanted their demure women, waiting for their prince.” As an interpretation however, this is an incredibly poor understanding of these tales both because they are not Victorian tales but very old archetypal ones which carry a meaning beyond whatever overlay various ages choose to put on them and also because it fundamentally misunderstands the tales and undervalues the importance of passive strengths (by which I mean virtues like endurance, patience, vigilance, courage, all those which involve staying a certain way despite opposition).

Let’s look at Cinderella for instance. Many modern interpretations are just like the one above. Such stances, however, tend to overlook the fundamental element at the core of every Cinderella Story. Cinderella is at its core about identity. In every Cinderella story, the step-mother’s wickedness is in attempting to strip Cinderella of her identity. She is no longer a daughter of the house—the step-mother does not even allow her to count as a “maiden of the land” invited to attend the prince’s ball. She must be invisible; she must serve the house; she must sleep among the ashes so they cover and transform her and make her out to be something she was not before. Even her name, the core marker of her identity, must bear the ashes’ marks, and she becomes Cendrillon, Ashputel, Cinderella. Her step-mother employs every means to erase her as any one at all. When the royal delegation arrives and asks if there are any other maidens in the house the woman replies simply: no, there is no one else. But Cinderella’s power is her character. No matter how hard the step mother tries to erase it, she remains herself. 

Cinderella was never doing nothing. She was, instead, maintaining her identity with every move she made. She was made out to be a base creature, dehumanized, a nobody, but she never acted the part. Her continued kindness, sweetness, and gentleness shows who she really is despite the outward transfiguration. Her character acts as a marker of her true identity just as the horse head marks the goose girl or the princess’ delicacy marks the princess’ true identity in the princess and the pea. Cinderella can go to the ball and have the prince fall in love with her not because the fairy godmother sent her but because of who she is—a lady, a daughter of the house, a maiden of the land, a person with worth, a girl who loves. And at the end, the prince comes searching for her identity—who she is—and at just the moment the step-mother declares she does not exist she can come down and say it’s me, the lady of the glass slipper and the ashen scullery maid, this is who I am—and be recognized and loved for it. The whole time Cinderella has been rescuing herself by refusing to be what the stepmother tried to make her into in the only way that mattered; and the climax of the story is her reclaiming her identity. 

Snow White? Again, her character—her goodness and innocence—save her. They are not passive characters—they are simply characters the whole world must pass around, because they will not move. And that is the most under-rated form of strength that exists in the world. 

[kopari]

Find someone who supports you like this cat supports his owner’s music

via @sarperduman

[kopari]

hey boss i can't come in today it's a sunny day and there's a lovely breeze coming in through my window, yeah it's rustling the branches of the tree outside that's finally bloomed so it's pretty serious

[kopari]

Nothing I’ve read has changed me more than “you do people a favor by accepting their help” like I repeat this constantly to so many people because it’s true!!! People like to feel useful, they like to feel kind, they like to feel like they have an ability to impact people’s lives so just let them!! Not everything is a thing to be owed back — accept people’s kindness without making a competition out of it

[kopari]

Mary Oliver, from “Hum Hum”, A Thousand Mornings

[kopari]

Y'all ever just suddenly have the overwhelming urge to swim??? Like not actively but you just wanna,,, be in the water and have some Peace

#I am excited to be in Minnesota with water again #and just #wade

[kopari]

lands i've made for magic the gathering 🌾✨ artist proofs are available on my shop !~ buy a wallpaper or leave a tip / twitter / instagram / shop 

#hey OP these are gorgeous #I might like magic if all the cards were designed by you

[kopari]

we were going to be gray-haired and wrinkled together; houses-a-few-streets-away, corner-bar-that-knows-us-by-name, best friends for life. 

in the days before I moved out of state and across the country, I re-wrote and deleted a text to you over and over; wondering if it was common decency to let you know I was thinking about/was going to/left. I didn’t. even now, from 2,000 miles away, I still wonder if one day we’ll cross each other on the street—if our first instinct will be bared teeth or remorse. 

what would I say to you, now that years have passed and have carried my anger with it? I don’t think I want to know why you did what you did. I don’t think there is any going back. instead, I’d ask if you remember the night we drank enough that Ratatouille became a horror movie. that time I bussed across the city to your house, through a monsoon and the beginning of a divorce, the Snapchats I’d sent singing Black Eyed Peas at empty bus stops to keep myself from crying. how long you hugged me when I arrived. the afternoons walking through the mall long enough to round back to the chocolate store for another free sample. how many different shades your hair has taken since we met—if I can still name the reason each time you reached for a bottle of hair dye. when we all snuck into your boyfriend’s work and played beer pong after hours and your mother cheered you on harder than she had for high school sports. I’d tell you I often revisit those videos the night we did mushrooms and hearing our voices still make me laugh. I’d ask when did you get over your fear of horses. who holds you now. if you’re doing better.

maybe, just a little bit, I’d still want to know why. 

this isn’t the first time I’ve realized, after the wisdom of a few years, that under the catty lines and thrown insults and inventing new ways to block the other out, is the grief of losing what was believed to be forever. eviction from a home we made in the other. I’m comfortable enough now to know that I can miss you and still be grateful we’ve moved forward without each other; that I can be hurt and still wish you the best. 

I think that’s it. whatever sidewalk, whatever town, whatever likelihood I’d ever see you again: I’m not sure about forgiveness, but I wish you the best.

[kopari]

I remember once sort of sitting down and thinking, ‘I am terribly depressed and this can not go on…’ and then I thought, ‘Well, you can do two things. You can kill yourself or you can get interested in absolutely everything.’ I read the newspaper every day; I read scientific books and geographical books and historical books and books in other languages, as well as the books that professionally I had to read, and suddenly the world became wonderful. 

AS Byatt, 1936-2023 (x)

[kopari]

#I went to my first ever honor walk today #that is the hardest thing I have ever seen #a six year old boy was determined to be clinically brain dead after being hit by a car on his bicycle and being in the PICU all week #his family decided to have his organs donated #so many people showed up #so many people love him and his family #but it's not enough #why isnt it enough to save someone #in the fantasy stories the person always comes back in the nick of time #love saves them.

[kopari]

change your life ✨️

feel free to join me in this. I'm going to try to post every day about how I did <3

- get at least 7 consecutive hours of sleep. I've found if I go to sleep and then wake up back for a couple hours and then finish the 8 hours I feel I incredibly unrested. I keep myself accountable by using pokemon sleep which has a great alarm, so I'm looking forward to trying this instead

- read or listen to an audiobook for 30 minutes. literacy is a muscle, and using it is important, but sometimes I can't just sit down and read a book, and audiobooks are great for when I'm cleaning or cooking or folding laundry

- get sun daily. humans are a lot more like plants than you would think and so it is important to get some sun, even when it's a wintery sun that's cold or when it's a blazing furnace. Since I have some mental health issues and am unable to go outside im going to at least open my curtains, and if possible, crack a window to get some fresh air

- start a hobby you can enjoy. this one can be difficult because a lot of things require some sort of financial investment. for me, my hobbies for these six months is going to be writing and annotating books. but being creative is great for the human mind.

- learn to be comfortable alone. honestly this one will be difficult. personally, I live in a studio. privacy is nothing i experience, butthe little moments where you find yourself escaping with TV playing or music pause it and sit with yourself, how else can you learn to love someone if you avoid them 🥰

- meditate daily. this will be something I struggle with so much, but I'm going to try in the mornings since that's my peak time <3 and that's when I plan on doing a yoga flow during the sunrise

- eat healthy nutritious food. I hate cooking and I hate eating. having autism can make these really difficult for me to do, but I'm really really trying. I started the week before last to work on figuring out what snack foods I can prep, and now i just need to work on planning out some meals.

- positive affirmations everyday. I really struggle to have positive self talk because it feels so awkward and uncomfortable because I've been pessimistic for so long, but I want to change that ^^

- reduce screen time. this is going to be specifically targetting mindless scrolling for me. I have a tiktok account that I use for motivation, same with my tumblr account, and I also read on my phone and use my sleep app that I need to keep open at night.

- practice gratitude. my goal is to at night reflect on the day to try and find the good. I already reflect on my days and pick a mood, but I want to create lists of things i am grateful for, especially while I'm in between jobs.

[kopari]

“I’m 24 years old and play this game with myself: buy myself something delicious for the weekend, blueberry muffins or flaky croissants, and forget it by Friday. Saturday morning comes and I am lucky to know me. I wasn’t born knowing how to love me, but I’m learning now; catching up for lost time between us. I keep the windows open. I play oldies throughout every corner of my apartment. I tell the dog how good it feels, at least for today, at least for right now, to be alive.”

— Schuyler Peck, Can’t Get Enough Of My Love (via schuylerpeck)

[kopari]

when i say i like hiking, i don’t mean “eight mile backpacking trip with special gear and an emergency beacon” sort of hiking, i mean a three mile loop to go look at pretty things and then a huge brunch after.

[kopari]

What a joy it is to have the ability to love

[kopari]

You'll have a sandwich

By Rémich

[kopari]

your friends & partners will actually love it if you enforce your boundaries b/c then they will never again need to guess if they're ever making you uncomfortable & don't know. healthy living tip :)

[kopari]

This is me♡♡

#pro relationship tip do this with your spouse too