krystalautumunderwood

[krystalautumunderwood]

being as i am an idiot, and having been one my whole life, i just wanna say that i find it very easy to do nothing, and go nowhere. i eat chocolate late at night in the dark. i stand in the garden also. and i’m often waiting for something to happen. and i’m stupid.

[krystalautumunderwood]

wanting to talk to people is so fucking embarrassing. literally hi it's me again I wanted to have a conversation with you because I think you're fun to talk to. oh god you can just fucking kill me if you want sorry

[krystalautumunderwood]

[krystalautumunderwood]

would’ve, could’ve, should’ve - taylor swift

[krystalautumunderwood]

being 25 is like: im dying. im living my best life. im a failure. my life hasnt started. everything interesting has already happened to me. im achieving my dreams. im cutting my hair with kitchen scissors. im starting a skincare routine. im a corporate professional. im a sellout. im out of groceries. i have too many groceries. i am never going to be successful. i am going to win a hugo award before im 30. im crazy. im boring. i need to finish this essay. i need to finish this story. i need to start a newsletter. i need to start tweeting more. i need to stop tweeting. i need to ghost all my friends. i need to tell my friends i love them. i need to find a new apartment. i need to take out the trash. i am the trash that needs to be taken out. 

[krystalautumunderwood]

[krystalautumunderwood]

winter is awesome because every night somewhere between the hours of 6 and 8 pm you will feel the worst you’ve ever felt in your life

[krystalautumunderwood]

the older i get, the more i need time & personal space to be as boring as possible

[krystalautumunderwood]

“April is the cruelest month, breeding lilacs out of the dead land, mixing memory and desire, stirring dull roots with spring rain.”

— T.S. Eliot, The Waste Land

[krystalautumunderwood]

I lost my best friend 3 years ago- not lost as in dead but lost as in we only text each other on our birthdays now. Movies and books don't tell you that a friendship dying is like the sinking of a ship, you try to get higher and higher and hold onto the rails and unanswered texts, the captain tries to steer it to safety and salvage pieces of two broken hearts until you're left with memories of what once was. We were friends for a decade and knew each other's diaries by heart, I still remember her phone number and the way she took her coffee. Seeing her in streets is like breathing in a scent you forgot you knew but it immediately takes you back to a summer in '07.

Movies and books also don't tell you that friendships don't just end after one fight or incident, it's like the rusting of a bridge, the slow decay of flesh and bones and secrets. It took weeks, months- until one day I woke up and I realized I hadn't thought of her in a while. And I wrote a poem that day and I titled it 'The dying of a best friend' and I put all my love for her in a tiny box with my half of the matching pendant of a dolphin we had and stored them in a corner of my heart under the heading Grief. Where else can one hide unspent love?

It's been 3 years since I lost my best friend, lost as in I still carry our secrets in a tiny box but we only text each other on our birthdays.

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire

Edit: here's the visualizer for this piece

[krystalautumunderwood]

[krystalautumunderwood]

girlie you can't give up you don't have the mansion with a secret library yet

[krystalautumunderwood]

“Nothing in this world is permanent, and we’re foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we’re still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it.”

— The Razor’s Edge W. Somerset Maugham (b. 25 January 1874)

[krystalautumunderwood]

Yea, the washer/dryer is more of a wedding anniversary gift

[krystalautumunderwood]

[krystalautumunderwood]

[krystalautumunderwood]

That overwhelmingly safe feeling when you’re sitting in the back seat of the car at night while your parents drive. Maybe you’re on your way home, maybe you’ve just finished up a long day on the road during a family vacation and you drift in and out of sleep while the yellow street lights ebb in and out over your head. I wish that feeling lasted forever.