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kuromichad · 2 years
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The original Xbox interface (2001)
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kuromichad · 2 years
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hi. good evening. it's my best bro mike's birthday, or was on the 30th (it's well past midnight here now), and yes i'm drunk as has been the case most times i've posted here for all of 2022. i had a good time tonight, mike taught a group of us about league of legends lore since he's been invested in it for a long time and never told us anything about it until more recently. i value that.
this year has been weird and bad. our friend lex died of suicide at the end of june and everything has been extra off kilter ever since then. in my time away from tumblr for the past year-plus, i've spent most of my online life in a discord server of just eight people who've all known each other since 2019 at the latest, if not 2016 as the average or 2013 at the oldest, and losing one of those eight is uh, pretty world-wrecking. it's part of why i'm very drunk right now. i have an addictive personality and genetics, but also, i think alcohol abuse is a normal and sympathetic part of grief. it's come up a lot since the end of june.
i haven't missed tumblr for anything other than visuals in the past year. i do miss being casually exposed to new art, whether in the form of aesthetic posts about 90s performance art or recent low-budget movies or insta posts by strangers with similar tastes. so i might be coming back soon for those sakes. i don't know yet if it'll be on this account or the new one i made at the beginning of this year, planning to come back to tumblr before i got overwhelmed by fear of the embedded terfism here.
i'm just under a month short of two years on testosterone now. it's been a very good choice, and every day i'm relieved that i didn't let the womanhoodposting on here prevent me from pursuing it. just today i found an overlong hair in the middle of my left cheek, indicating that sometime soon my sideburns will join up with all my chin hairs and then maybe sometime after that i'll have a real beard. i'm happy about that. i like being a man.
next week i'm going to disneyland, as a delayed birthday trip, because june in anaheim is too hot. i've struggled a lot with how i feel that over the course of 2020 i lost the very characterizing investment i had in theme parks as something inspirational and expressive of a broader human urge to make good, sweet, transporting things. i still don't know what to replace that investment with; it's hard, still, ever since 2020, to feel like anything on earth is genuinely good. i don't have anything that i feel i can make fawning posts about the depth and meaningfulness of, even after replacing my theme park interest with kpop. which of course causes bouts of creative rut and insecurity about my kpop fic production; it feels like i have nothing to Say, the way i used to, about relationships with those fics. i'm on a pseudo-break right now from my rpf twitter because i just hate everything i've ever produced. but that's not really a fair outlook. i think that continuing to create even when you aren't sure what you're trying to say can be valuable; others can read an intent or politic into what you express even if you didn't intend it. i think it's not really my fault that pandemic trauma and then, more recently, grief trauma, have left me disconnected from what i might Truly Mean when i create things. but idk.
idk if anyone who was following me last year even cares! but it's good to just sort of write this out. i had a brief bout, in may and june of this year, of writing out my feelings in this way as journal entries on gaiaonline, because our friend prin encouraged a bunch of us in that eight-person, now seven-person, discord to join. it was satisfying. but i slipped out of the habit of logging into gaia after lex passed because i haven't been able to shake the feeling of wishing that lex had joined, that lex had gotten to indulge in making avatars that suit their tastes, because i think they would have been the best at it out of all of us. they had style, they had aesthetic cohesion. i don't know.
i'm unsure when or if i'll ever return to gaia, so here's my journal entry. a good portion of you endured my humiliatingly ultra-confessional posts for years and years before now, so i won't be too apologetic about this post. hi. idk if i'm back. but this is how i've been doing. good as an arc away from tumblr; maybe bad as a recent development. life is like that. how are you?
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kuromichad · 2 years
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我 aka Iimememe aka Mememe aka Mememe II aka Xuan Hu (based London, England) - 访客 (Visitor), 2020, Paintings
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kuromichad · 2 years
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insane to me that people are being like 'omg jules is about to CHEAT on rue with elliott how dare' bc i guess im just genuinely too bisexual and poly for that mindset i was fr just like oh okay throuple moment that's dope
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kuromichad · 2 years
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additional opinion: i hate lexi and resent her getting more attention this season. i feel like normally i would support a character like her bc i mean my relationship to this genre of teen drama is the exact same like "well i sure have problems but i never like, did anything fun or cool about them" approach but. i think i'm just resentful because back in s1 i heard about how The Fandom was constantly being like "jules is so evil and toxic and i just think rue needs to be unproblematic cis sapphics with lexi instead" when lexi is barely even a character. she just exists like... in contrast to rue and cassie. and again i would normally be sympathetic to that type of foil because of relatability but my sympathies go beyond what i can literally relate to so i end up feeling like "god shut up who cares" about her and preferring to invest in the less Relatable but more sympathetic main characters
we're here for roman's periodic drunk check-in. what's up. i've been enjoying watching euphoria the last few weeks what's the stance on it here these days are we still mad on principle that there's sex in it. my discourse opinion is that i love jules
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kuromichad · 2 years
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i might come back on here solely to talk about it since i don't want to overload my discord bros nor deviate too much from the main subject on my army twitter. i keep thinking about how funny it is when people in a fandom are like HOW DARE THE WRITERS SHOW ANY SYMPATHY FOR ANY VILLAIN YOU KNOW THIS WILL JUST CREATE A FANDOM FOR THEM THAT WILL FORGIVE EVERYTHING!!! because i feel like your mind only jumps to that while watching something if you feel the urge to stan buried deep within yourself... if you're feeling righteous about 'don't let this character be sympathetic they'll get stans' it's because you felt a twinge of sympathy and saw the bad path where you became a stan and that's your own fault
we're here for roman's periodic drunk check-in. what's up. i've been enjoying watching euphoria the last few weeks what's the stance on it here these days are we still mad on principle that there's sex in it. my discourse opinion is that i love jules
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kuromichad · 2 years
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we're here for roman's periodic drunk check-in. what's up. i've been enjoying watching euphoria the last few weeks what's the stance on it here these days are we still mad on principle that there's sex in it. my discourse opinion is that i love jules
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kuromichad · 2 years
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the dumbest thing about voice dysphoria is when it somehow convinces you that you've gone backwards/there's actually no difference from where you started. like i really do not want to re-experience this crisis every time i get used to my voice again after a drop, because i'm gonna run out of drops at some point
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kuromichad · 2 years
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post about smallpox eradication
? ? ? ? ?
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kuromichad · 2 years
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whats ur twitter king
i dont wanna share it openly because i uhhh i write bts porn for money now. don't want anybody who is non kpop or non horny seeing all that. i might offer my url to ppl who dm but i'm not gonna just post it sorry. i don't have an account that's just like broad normal posts like i used to make on here i just keep that in homie discord now
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kuromichad · 2 years
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hi 💖💖💖💖💖 i am drunk and just finally got the time to watch matrix resurrections. i need to see it again sober and with subs (not gonna go into it but i'm like violently decompressing from twitter drama via substances rn) but i think maybe it was genius and i'm so glad. sad that the blue hair character did not also have pronouns but i'll live
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kuromichad · 2 years
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ball dancing with the soulmate 💞 (cr. moajmjk00)
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kuromichad · 2 years
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what did i even do dawg i havent been on here for the past like six months. also i dont think anon even knows anything about kpop. armys are sanctimonious little bitch babies, it's girl group stans that are aggressive and dour
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kuromichad · 2 years
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i was just about to come and ask why ur such an angry twat but then i saw ur a bts fan. nvm. makes sense now. good night babes
>thinking i care what a briddish "person" thinks
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kuromichad · 2 years
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been back for like 3 seconds and im already like 'omg what is Correct to post what will fit right on my blog how do i organize things' omg this is so stupid maybe i will just remake again.
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kuromichad · 2 years
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kuromichad · 2 years
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hi happy new year i think im gonna be on here more again because i miss seeing Images i miss knowing about new media because of gifsets. in 2021 i finally learned how to just unfollow people who annoy me so maybe i can force this site to be bearable. still think bad gender takes are basically woven into the code of the site by now so who knows if i actually stick around but! images!
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