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l44serbeam · 8 months
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hate how any mention of being on knees is immediately assumed to be sucking dick. because maybe theyre eating pussy. did you even think about that? no you only think about yourself
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l44serbeam · 8 months
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l44serbeam · 9 months
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guys i got soooo fucking drunk last night at this party and my EX FUCKING BOYFRIEND (who is an angel of a human being and the only reason we still arent together is because im lik… a lesbian but i still think abt him a lot and idk its kinda a mess) ended up driving me home cus he saw how fucked up i was and refused to let me take the bus 😭😭 let me just say that was one weird ass car ride
apologies for not releasing part 2 of just a little but it shld b out this weekend
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l44serbeam · 9 months
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taking care of my four year old god daughter for 3 days, in my mothah era🕺
im writing chapter 2 of Just a Little rn and it shld be out before friday so stay tuneedddd
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l44serbeam · 9 months
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also someone help how tf do i sleep guys the slightest graze to the helixes is so painful and i got both sides done😭😭😭😭😭
just got my helix piercing done and a new tatt 😝😝feeling like a new bitch
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l44serbeam · 9 months
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just got my helix piercings done and a new tatt 😝😝feeling like a new bitch
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l44serbeam · 9 months
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guys i actually think that chapter 1 of JUST A LITTLE is alr making the series my fave fic that ive written..
JUST WAIT YALL THE EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER IS GNA COME FOR YALL HARD **evil villain laugh**
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l44serbeam · 9 months
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JUST A LITTLE — 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟏. 𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐄𝐒 (e. williams x fem reader)
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⌂ HOMEPAGE | ⇉ PART 2
warnings mean!ellie, swearing, slight slut-shaming (ellie being an asshole but she doesn't mean it), alcohol consumption, marijuana usage, some man being a creep, mentions of a previously toxic relationship
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It was known. It had been set in stone years ago. Ellie Williams was the bane of y/n's existence.
A constant prick in the ass reminding her of all things she had ever done wrong. Whether it was making a very loud joke after she incorrectly answered a question during a lecture, grabbing something she dropped on the ground and waving it in her face (and successfully sliding it into her pocket and never giving it back), or just being an all-around asshole at any party they see each other at.
“Look you just have to make an effort to get closer. She's really sweet when you do.” Dina said from her position hanging off the side of y/ns couch, head upside down and legs mounted on the backrest.
“Dina I don’t think I even want to get to know her after everything. She's been publicly embarrassed since like high school. Way too late to ever salvage it.” Y/n responded, her grip on the pencil she wrote with strengthening and indenting the pages of the textbook.
“True. Honestly, I don’t know what takes over her whenever you're there. It's like all of a sudden all her focus goes on pissing you off.” As Dina finished her words, her eyes lit up in realization and she flipped over to sit up straight. “Oh, my god.”
“What?” Y/n asked, turning from her notebook with concern written on her face.
“Shes totally like in love with you!” Dina exclaimed, a smile on her face like she’d made the year's most important scientific development.
Y/n couldn’t help but bark out in laughter. “Every time I think you’ve gained common sense you prove me wrong.”
“No no no but listen. I mean we said it, whenever you're there quite literally all her attention goes towards you. Like if she hated you so much why does she literally ask around about you and practically chase you around like a lost puppy.” She said in a matter of factly tone.
“Because she literally strives on catching me in my worst moments. Look she may not do it in like a malicious way but it doesn't mean she has some kind of elementary school crush. Just means she's a dick.” Y/n reasoned, turning back around to the papers scattered on her desk.
“I don’t know y/n. You should see the way she looks at you when you aren’t paying attention.” She finalized, her attention asserting itself on the phone that pinged next to her.
Y/n couldn’t help but pause for a second, her eyes looking out the window in front of her and her lip subconsciously rolling between her teeth. She wasn’t necessarily opposed to the idea. It just seemed completely out of sight. Since junior year of high school, Ellie had something against her.
They’d met through Dina which y/n had grown up with and at first, they seemed to have a civilized relationship. Throughout the course of a few months, interactions gradually became more and more hostile until everyone blinked and the two were getting into full-fledged arguments at every event they bumped into. Now, so many years later, the pure meanness seemed to dull down, but the constant bickering stayed.
The worst part about it all was that even with the way Ellie treated her, naive, youth-drunk, 16-year-old y/n couldn’t help but feel the way her heart skipped a beat whenever she heard the sparks of Ellie's chuckle from a distance or gush at the sight of her showing off her skating tricks to the group at their late night hangouts at the local park.
Shed drowned her feeling towards Ellie by hooking up with different girls but none seemed to really satisfy the itch. After a few years, the feelings subsided and only a sort of superficial resentment lingered but Dina's words rang in y/n’s ears.
“Cleos talking about us going clubbing tonight. Everyone in. You down?” Dina asked y/n, snapping her out of her mental bubble.
“Uh yeah actually. I can use some fun.” Y/n said, getting off the desk chair and diving onto the couch where her phone lay and opening messages to see what everyone was saying.
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“Leon reminded me I literally have nothing to wear to go clubbing. I think I'm just gonna do a jeans and tank top type of moment.” Y/n sighed, getting up and stepping into her room to dig through the cabinets to find something to put together.
“No no no. What about the dress I gave you last week? It's super hot. You should wear it.” Dina said trailing behind her.
“I don’t know dee won't I be like overdressed?”
“Overdressed? No. Sexy as hell? Yes. A thousand percent. Anyways it's not like me and Cleo would let you look hot all alone. We'll match.” She shrugged.
A sort of teasing and knowing smirk suddenly grew on Dina's face which made y/n raise a brow.
"What?" Y/n asked sharply at the deviance in Dina's eyes.
"Oh, nothing... Was just gonna say that since you'll be looking so fine tonight you should test out my hypothesis."
"Elaborate..." Y/n said dryly, having only an idea of what Dina meant in her head and if she was right, she could've decked her in that moment.
"I just think you should, I don't know, mess with Ellie a bit. Throw her off her game. See if im right and if not then itll just be you fucking with her as you two usually do."
"You're crazy Dina." Y/n laughed, launching a pair of pants toward her face which Dina swiftly returned by throwing a pillow.
After a few moments of mellow battle and laughter, the two settled and y/n picked out the things she was to wear.
“C'mon put your stuff in a bag. Let's get ready at my place.” Dina finished, grabbing her keys off y/ns nightstand and throwing on her sunglasses.
“I can't believe I let you convince me into this.” Y/n whined, looking at her reflection in a car window and cleaning up the black eyeshadow surrounding her eyes. Goosebumps ran up the length of her legs that were left exposed by the short black strapless dress that hugged her figure, the cold night wind prickling at her skin.
“Oh shut up. You look insanely hot.” Dina laughed as she stood behind her, keeping an eye down the road as they waited for the Uber that would drop off the rest of the group. “Look, there they are.” She said finally, recognizing the car by the picture Cleo had sent her.
Y/n shakily sighed, standing up straight and readjusting her purse that hung on her shoulder. In all truth, the only reason y/n felt this level of nervousness was fueled by the fact Ellie was mere seconds from laying eyes on her. She recognized the swelling feeling in her throat from all those years ago and couldn’t help but itch. She hadn't told Dina but she did plan to run with her suggestions, figuring that no harm could come from playing little games and it'd just be a little bit of entertainment.
“AHHH! MY FAVORITES!” Cleo screeched as she stepped out of the car, latching onto both of their necks in a hug.
“I missed you!” Y/n exclaimed in the hug, not having seen her in person in a few weeks.
“Ugh, I missed you more. Especially being stuck with these idiots.” She said, pointing a thumb at Jesse, Leon, and Ellie behind her, the three saying hi to Dina.
“Hey tiny.” Leon said when he turned to y/n and hugged her, Jesse following suit.
When Jesse stepped out of the way, Ellies figure stood right ahead of y/n, her eyes not-so-subtly scanning over y/ns figure. What seemed like a wave of shock covered Ellies face for a mere second before she shoved her hands in her pocket and cleared her throat.
“Hey.” She said dryly, her eyes frantically dashing from y/n to the glimmering buildings that surrounded them.
“Back at you.” Y/n responded, matching her tone. She didn’t read into Ellie's behavior, thinking that it was just her initial reaction to seeing y/n dressed up way more than usual.
“Let's go in before the line gets any longer,” Cleo exclaimed, grabbing onto y/ns wrist and pulling her and Dina towards the entrance, Leon, Jesse, and Ellie following behind.
Before looking forward, y/n could swear she saw a glimpse of Leon playfully hitting Ellie's chest and gesturing towards y/n, then Jesse following it with a childish and dramatic kiss into the air. Ellie rolled her eyes and looked down at the ground in almost what seemed like embarrassment.
It was official. Any idea of taking the night slowly and chill had been left in the dust long ago. The pounding music and flashing lights quickly overcame everybody's senses, the adrenaline leading to shot after shot, and the next thing y/n knew she was in the middle of the dance floor, Cleo and Dinas' bodies grinding against her and the bass shooting up her feet from the ground, flowing through her limbs as she jumped and swayed. She could distantly remember Jesse's laughter beside her but he’d gone back to the bar, the other two lost to the crowd.
Once the track that was playing ended and smoothly blended into the next, y/n could feel the ache of her calves begin to bother and the haze of the alcohol start to fade. The heat surrounding her felt intoxicating and overbearing.
Y/n grabbed Cleo and Dina, pulling them towards her. “Ok ok, I’ve reached my limit for now. I'll find you in a bit, im gonna look for Jesse.”
“Ok be careful. If you can't find him come back to us ok?” Dina said, y/n quickly nodded and backed away from the center of the commotion and towards the illuminated bar. From there she spotted Jesses' figure leaning against a stool, Leon sitting on the one beside him, and the two laughing at something they said.
“Hey, guys.” She said, her hands latching onto the edge of the counter.
“You’re alive!” Leon drunkenly yelled, his arms coming up beside him and making him almost fall off the stool.
“Barely.” Y/n giggled, placing a hand on his shoulder to stop him from falling onto her.
“You wouldn’t fucking believe how long the line for the bathroom is. Almost pissed myself.” Y/n heard a familiar voice approach. Her eyes averted to the auburn-haired girl who seemed to already be looking down at her.
Y/n couldn't lie, Ellie looked painfully attractive it was almost pornographic. A soft blush on her cheeks from the heat that darkened her freckles and her collar bones exposed from the few open buttons of the black button-up she had on. Tattoos on display from her rolled-up sleeves and hair messily falling around her face. If it weren't for the fact she was a complete jerk y/n felt that the game she planned on playing would be oh, so serious.
“Tired already y/l/n?” Ellie quipped when she stood in front of the three. “Knowing you I'd think we would’ve lost you to someone by now.”
The sound of Leon choking on his drink at Ellie's comment seemed the explain pretty much what went through y/ns head before she could come up with a response. “What? Mad it wouldn’t be you?” Y/n responded differently than the way she usually did.
Usually, she'd just roll her eyes and walk away, but it seemed that the liquor and Dina's words had given her an undeniable want to tease. It was obvious Ellie hadn’t expected a response like that, taking longer to respond.
“In your dreams.” Ellie muttered, grabbing her drink from Jesses' hand which he’d been absentmindedly sipping on.
“You’re the one bringing up my sex life Els. Seems like there's a common reoccurrence going on up there.” Y/n snipped, gesturing her finger toward her temple. Shed used a nickname shed never called her before, it rolling off her tongue smoothly as she batted her lashes at the girl.
Jesse and Leon exchanged knowing glances, holding back their drunken giggles to let whatever was going down, go down.
Ellie seemed to have run out of returns at the moment as she looked down y/ns eyes. Then, she brought her glass to her lips and swallowed the rest of the whiskey hastily, face contorting at the burning sensation but quickly reverting back to her stone-cold expression. "Mm i bet a lot of people have your sex life on their mind. Tell me y/n, when was the last time someone fucked you and you actually returned their call? Never right?"
Y/n looked at Ellie, her confident and joking gaze slowly sharpening and becoming serious.
"Oh wait! No, I'm wrong." Ellie laughed sarcastically. "There was Lexi but we don't talk about her, do we?"
Y/n's gaze immediately dropped the second that name rolled off Ellie's tongue like pure venom. Her muscles twitched into disgust and her arms came up to cross in front of her.
A certain string pulled on Ellie's heart in regret and guilt as she saw y/ns complete state of mind crumble before her and a sort of wall grow behind her eyes.
"Fuck you, Ellie. You piece of shit." Y/n seethed, barely audible over the music but Ellie still caught it. She grabbed her purse off the counter and pushed past the tall girl and towards the exit.
"Wait y/n!" Leon called, jumping out of his seat and looking in the direction she went but losing her quickly. "What the fuck Ellie! Was that really necessary? She was completely nice to you. She was joking around with you." He yelled slightly louder than intended, drawing a few glances from around.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what happened." Ellie sighed, hands coming up to rub her face.
"Well, I do. You just brought up the person that absolutely destroyed y/ns life and mind against her because she was suggesting you wanted to fuck her. And the craziest part is that you literally do!"
"No, I don't Leon."
"C'mon El. Everyone fucking knows it. Everyone but y/n and you just ruined her whole night and probably the rest of her week!" He finalized, pushing his way into the crowd and disappearing from her line of sight.
"He may get slightly aggressive when it comes to protecting y/n and her feelings but he's right Ellie. That was a really big dick move and, don't you try to deny it, you like her. Every day you fuck up your chance to fix it."
"Fuck." Ellie muttered into her drink, looking down in guilt and trying to swallow the lump in her throat.
The burning sensation of the smoke seemed to soothe y/n's invading thoughts and sore eyes. Or maybe it was the effect of the weed itself. All y/n knew was that now, standing outside by the club, smoking a joint by herself was the best and worst thing she could've done to help numb the stabbing pain of what Ellie said.
It wasn't that the few words thrown at her were what hurt her to this extent, the suggestions of her sleeping around. Y/n was strong and built to last. She didn’t let stupid jokes about her intimacy with people get the best of her.
It was the simplicity of the way Ellie threw that name at her like it was nothing. Just the four letters resurfacing a whole suitcase of repressed emotions she had gotten over.
After a few minutes of leaning against the wall, smoking, watching the cars drive by, and just marinating in her thoughts, y/n couldn't help but take her phone out of her purse and clicking on Instagram. Her finger hovered over the search bar hesitantly, knowing better than to let herself go down this hole. With a sudden spasm of her hand, her finger clicked on it and she took it as a sign to keep going.
l... e... x... i... i...
The account popped up first on the search page, a big difference considering the last time she looked her up, the results came back saying that the account didn't exist. After yet a few more seconds of hesitancy and mental preparation, she clicked on the account and let it load.
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Fuck.
She was just as hot as the day y/n and her met at the first party y/n had ever attended in college, alongside Cleo. She also looked just as hot as the day y/n kicked her out of her apartment in a match of screams and flying objects.
Y/n's lips pressed together as she looked away from her phone. She cursed Ellie for bringing her up. For ever even mentioning her. She was there when everything happened. She was there besides Leon and Jesse when they defended y/n against Lexi and one of her guy friends when she randomly showed up at her apartment a week after their break up. So she couldn’t understand why the fuck shed think mentioning her was some funny joke to be thrown around.
"Mind sharing?" Y/n heard a random voice ask beside her. She looked at the source, a man that was much older and much creepier looking than y/n was interested in. She recoiled at the hungry look the man gazed at her with, looking up and down her body with a smirk that made that filled her body with distaste.
"Yeah, I do. I'm not interested."
"Oh come on. Why be that way? You're way too much of a pretty girl to smoke that whole thing by yourself. Let me help you.” He said, stepping a few steps toward her and making her back away from him.
"Please leave me alone. I said I'm not interested." She repeated, beginning to fully walk away from the man before she felt his cold hand clasp onto her shoulder. "What the fuck!" She yelled as she felt him pull her towards him.
"Hey!" She heard a third voice sharply yell from behind them both, one that she did recognize. She felt the man's grip release and she immediately stepped far enough away from him to turn back around.
"Fuck is wrong with you creep." Ellie practically snarled, stepping towards him as, this time, he backed away. Ellie was dramatically taller than the man, obviously having the upper hand when it came to size, age, and visible strength.
The man raised his hands and laughed nervously. "Look, I'm not looking for trouble. I just saw a pretty girl and decided to make a move."
"And then lay your hands on her after she tells you no?" Ellie asked, her voice dark and almost in a growl. She lowered her head so that they were face to face. "You're lucky I don't beat your fucking face in. Now get the hell out of here."
The man quickly backed away and began walking off muttering some curse words and insults to try and salvage his ego.
Y/n stood back, shocked at Ellie's demeanor. Yes, y/n had seen Ellie when she was mad or mean, but never had she seen her like that. Scary.
Ellie turned around and glanced at y/n for a second before looking in a different direction, avoiding eye contact.
"You ok?" She asked, her voice rough but her tone subtly softened.
"I'm fine. Thank you." Y/n responded, leaning back against the wall and finally releasing a breath. She didn't realize how much she was shaking until now as she brought the joint back up to her lips and looked away from Ellie.
Ellie noticed her shaking figure and couldn't help but feel all kinds of dread, anger, and guilt. She thought of how shitty this night had become for y/n in a matter of seconds and how if it weren't for her cruel words, y/n wouldn't have gone through that. She would’ve still been inside probably joking around with Leon or dancing her heart out with Cleo and Dina.
She felt so many things at the moment as she leaned onto the wall beside her, but when it got to saying something about it, she fell short. She stayed silent in her place as her hands fiddled with the bottom part of the leather jacket she wore over the button-up. As she did, she quickly realized how to somewhat help y/n.
She quietly took off her jacket and held it out in front of y/n, still not looking at her.
When y/n realized the gesture, she looked up at Ellie's face, taking in the lip between her teeth and the shameful glint in her eye and she looked back down at the jacket, taking it after a few seconds and putting it on.
Another beat of silence passed as the two stood side by side, a cloud of reluctance and unspoken words hanging in the air.
Y/n abruptly brought up the joint in front of Ellie, offering it to her in the same manner she had offered her the jacket. Ellie huffed a breath out her nose and accepted it, inhaling it deeply and exhaling the smoke into the cold wind.
"I'm sorry about what I said in there." Ellie mumbled barely above a whisper.
Y/n felt her heart jump to her throat. Ellie had never once apologized for anything she said to her ever and she couldn't help but feel shame at the way her initial reaction to the words was a second of joy.
Never once has she apologized for anything and now that she goes waaay past the line and fucking whispers a stupid sorry I'm supposed to forgive her? Y/n thought, a cycle of emotions playing through in a matter of 3 seconds.
"I don't think you are." Y/n returned, this time fully turning her body to face Ellie and giving her no other choice but to look at her.
Ellie rolled her eyes, also turning to face her. "I am y/n. I'm trying to apologize. I was being a dick."
"When are you not?" Y/n quipped back.
Ellie didn't expect apologizing to be this difficult. She already had trouble doing it on a day to day but this was waaay harder than any other time. She didn't understand why it was so immensely difficult to apologize to y/n even though she felt so bad and guilty as to what she said.
"Look, you don't have to believe me but I do feel bad about what I said y/n."
Y/n sighed and felt her phone vibrate in her hand, bringing it up to her face.
Fuckfuckfuckfuck. Y/N's brain repeated in a frenzy as she saw the bright red heart underneath Lexis' post that was still open. It seemed that in all the commotion she had accidentally double-tapped the screen.
Quickly after noticing that she noticed messages coming from the group chat.
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"Are you kidding me?" Ellie said, seeming to have also opened the messages at the same time as y/n.
"Shit, I was supposed to be going home with Dina." Y/n groaned.
Ellie looked at y/n as she frantically typed into the phone. She weighed her thoughts and options.
Screw it. She thought as she snatched the phone out of y/n's hand as she typed and stuffed it into her pocket, starting to walk past y/n and down the sidewalk.
"Ellie what the hell?!" Y/n yelled angrily.
Ellie stopped and turned back towards y/n, shoving her hands into her pant pockets.
“You coming or not?"
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a/n - hey loves! was planning to post this tmr night but i hav no patience so here it is! i hope you guys like it!! part 2 shld be out in the next two days so if u want to b added to the taglist just comment! Love you &lt;;<3
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l44serbeam · 9 months
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hi angel, hope you’re doing good.. love the story so farrrrr <33
-🩰
thank you love, I'm doing great!! I'm working on the first actual chapter right now and I'm almost done with it. feeling a little silly sooo I miiiggghhtt just post it tonight instead of tmr night.
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l44serbeam · 9 months
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AHHHH IM SO GLAD UR BACK HOW YOUVE BEEN CANT WAIT FOR UR NEW STORY !!!
YESS im back to the regular scheduled prograaammmm!! ive been settling and preparing for the start of the upcoming semester and just getting back to writing in general so its been a little hectic but fun.
Im excited for the new story, its the first modern au ive done that includes text stories which ive found is super fun to do and read to i hope you enjoy it!!! <<3
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l44serbeam · 9 months
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the decision was made! check out the homepage and introduction of JUST A LITTLE here!
Hi lovelies!
I have the intro for two new modern!au tlou series’ (both including text stories) sittin in my drafts and i wanted to see which one you guys are more interested in reading first!
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l44serbeam · 9 months
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JUST A LITTLE — 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟎. 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍
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⌂ HOMEPAGE | ⇉ PART 1
Bestfriends since high school, Dina, Cleo, Jesse, Leon, Ellie, and y/n are always with one another. Texting in the group chat, posting each other, going out, etc. The only two in the group that seem to have never been able to truly get along have been Y/n and Ellie, constantly bickering and avoiding each other. When one night leads to an unexpected course of events between the two, everyone cant help but worry if the friendship between them all will remain intact.
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l44serbeam · 9 months
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— JUST A LITTLE ʚɞ 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐏𝐀𝐆𝐄
general warnings: ellie williams x fem reader, lowk toxic ellie and y/n, touches dark and triggering subjects (talk of domestic abuse, talk of sexual violence, harassment, talk of mental illness), drinking, smoking (both maryj and tobacco), smut, intoxicated sex,
— Frenemies since junior year of high-school, Ellie and y/n have no choice but to tolerate one another after so many years. One never-ending night hazed with liquor, clouds of smoke, and unexpected circumstances led to weeks worth of resurfacing buried emotions that put into question what truly laid beneath the surface of years worth of bickering and sour comments.
— 0. INTRODUCTION
— 1. FRENEMIES
— 2. SWEET N’ SOUR
— 3. CHAPSTICK
— …ongoing
— bonus messages
THE SPICE GIRLS
THE SMART ONES
THE MORE SMARTER ONES
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— comment to be added to taglist —
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l44serbeam · 9 months
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Hi lovelies!
I have the intro for two new modern!au tlou series’ (both including text stories) sittin in my drafts and i wanted to see which one you guys are more interested in reading first!
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l44serbeam · 9 months
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Ellie williams in a beanie is the only thing ive ever wanted to see ever. I thank u for your service🫡
Ellie outfit edit
After reading the fic @cherriesxinthespring wrote (the button, go read it, it's so cute omg), I found myself obssessed with ellie's outfit in the fic (wearing a beanie and a hoodie), so here it's an edit of her in that outfit (in case someone uses the edits, pls give credit ^^):
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l44serbeam · 9 months
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Hey my loves!! So ive been on break for the summer and ive been traveling a lot and visiting family and friends and because of that i haven’t been on here at all but we are backk and better than ever babyyy.
I have some half written stuff im finishing in the drafts that ill b posting soon so keep an eye.
I hope you guys are having a wonderful day my lovelies
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l44serbeam · 9 months
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Hey, this might be a weird say but I just wanted to let you know that @emilyprentiss1 is underage (14) and is following several blogs that are specifically 16-18+. She started following me (I blocked her) but I thought it was necessary to let you know.
Have a great day!
Hello love! This came to my attention recently especially due to the fact she was spamming my messages and anons asking to become a proof reader for my work even though ive stated very clearly multiple times that this account is a 16+ page entirely.
When are these kids gonna learn to stop interacting with pages that CLEARLY do not want them😭😭
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