ladymay1861

[ladymay1861]

my fall themed wallpaper makes me so happy

#ghostface #halloween #phonewallpaper #halloweentown #scream #trick or treat

[ladymay1861]

I don’t understand why I lie to everyone. And it’s small lies, like what I had to eat that day or sorry something came up I can’t hang out anymore.

Why am I so afraid of the truth and yet crave it so deeply. I ask them to be truthful to me, so why can’t I do the same for them.

#lies #friends #broken #hurt #truth

[ladymay1861]

Read a thousand books and your words will flow like a river.

~ Virginia Woolf

[ladymay1861]

I don’t know you like I used to

I had your moans memorized

You voice ingrained in my mind

Now I can barely picture your face

[ladymay1861]

One Shot Story

(i might add more to this but probably not, i also did not proofread so sorry about that)

dark academia

secret society

riddles

some love interest tension

you and your academic rival are paired together to look into old secret societies throughout your college’s history for the schools newspaper. for some reason whenever you think you find a lead, he denies you to investigate over and over again.

one night, you find yourself in the library after most people have left. you start seeing weird symbols on the spines of these old books no one bothers to check out and instead of calling your rival, you decide to look into it yourself. you realize these embossed symbols look exactly some of the symbols you found on the schools statues that you discovered earlier that month, the same symbols your rival told you aren’t worth looking into. reaching for your laptop, you try to google what these symbols could possibly mean, but come up empty. you know you’re on to something and decide draw these symbols out in your notebook. some of the edges line up. quickly you piece them together, running on nothing but adrenaline. when pieced together at just the right angle you finally see the schools crest. except right in the middle of the shield, where’s there’s supposed to be a sword, you find a raven.

a raven that you’ve seen before. black swirling lines that mirrors the raven tattooed on your rivals neck. and finally you understand, he has been purposefully derailing the investigation because it isn’t some old secret society that doesn’t exists anymore, it still thrives behind everyone’s back. and your rival knows this, sending you on wild goose hunts this entire time, coming up empty handed.

after learning this, you scour the statues again for any hit of the raven hidden within the schools crest. it’s early in the morning at this rate, with only the clouded moon and the foggy lanterns to guide your way. you reach the fountain with a statue of a woman crying, her tears being real water. you pull out your flash light, searching over every crack and crevice on the fountain, then you see it. now that you know what you’re looking for it shines as bright a beacon. on the woman’s neck is the same image your rival has. you step into the fountain, not caring about your wet sneakers, and step up to the woman.

once you reach her you see the words “what was here first, and will be here last” inscribed on her pedestal. “the dark” you mutter without even meaning to and the woman stops crying. as her tears dry, you find the crest with the raven on one of her cheeks. you touch it and a chill comes over you. someone is watching from the shadows, but you don’t care anymore. you just want to get to the bottom of this. you find that the crest is actually a button and you press it, reveling steps under the fountain well.

down the winding steps you go, trying not to fall, and follow a hallway at the bottom. darkness shrouds the room, only being able to tell because your footsteps echo louder. suddenly, torches are becoming lit against the walls and in the middle of the room are 6 hooded figures. “i told you she’d figure it out before sunrise, pay up” says a voice you find irritating and smooth at the same time. you restrain yourself from wanting to curb stomp his face in, only for the fact you’re intrigued. One of the other figures groans and slaps money into the others hand. you stand there, shock evident on your face, as the men start paying each other like this is a simple bet on a sports team. “well? care to explain asshole?” you finally say. one by one the men start removing their hoods and you find your rival smirking at you. “you just won me $50 love” he says like that tells you everything you need to know.

not wanting to look at his annoyingly handsome face anymore you start glancing around the room. bookcases from ceiling to floor, six of them. they are all separated by a portrait, except for the middle. you start walking towards them, the men not stopping you, and you read the names underneath each painting. the portraits you notice are oil paintings of the same men watching you now. the writing underneath each one is different, the keeper, the writer, the seeker. skipping over the middle, you go to the others. the lighter, the reaper, the fighter.

going back to the middle space you see that a painting was there once, but has been taken down. the inscription is still there, the eternal.

“where’s this painting” you ask. The men don’t say anything but guide you to the pure center of the room. once you’re there, your rival leans down and says “don’t move” in your ear. you obey and watch as they move around the room, forming a perfect circle with you in the center. then they speak as one. “what lies behind the stars? what blinds a man, yet a blind man can see? what was here first, and will be here last? the darkness, everlasting and eternal.” all at once the torches go out, you gasp. you look up towards the ceiling. tiny stones begin to shine, dimly at first but then become almost blinding. at the center of the ceiling, right above you, is a mirror. you only see yourself, the stones glow lighting your face.

“do you accept to be our darkness, to be our eternal” the men say now moving around you, circling like sharks. “you have been chosen, yet you have to chose now.”

they stop moving, and you have stopped thinking. your mind not comprehending what’s happening, but your soul understands. “i have been chosen, and i have chose. i accept to be your darkness, to be your eternal”

the stones stop glowing. silence and darkness envelops the room. you hear birds singing in the distance far above ground. the torches come to life and you see the men coming towards you with arms wide open. you let them hug you, embracing their warmth. for the first time since coming to college, you feel truly at home, safe and secure.

“i told you she’d accept, pay up” says one of them. you all start laughing. you sneak a glance at your rival, because this is the first time you’ve heard his genuine laughter and it makes you want to hear it again. he catches you looking at him and winks.

a sudden yawn bursts out of you. “awe our little darkness is tired” one of them says. “it’s been a long freaking night trying to figure this damn thing out” you say with a pout. someone sweeps you into their arms as another pulls a lever disguised as a book to reveal another room. this room is modern looking with couches, a bed, desks, a tv and a small kitchen. “huh not so medieval after all” you say. they laugh and the one carrying you puts you on the bed.

“sleep tight little raven, your training starts tomorrow” and with that you knock out cold dreaming of six handsome men wrapped in darkness.

#one shot #writing #dark academia #secret #secret society #riddles #raven #academic rivals #reverse harem #book #darkness #eternal #love #college

[ladymay1861]

~ Emily Dickson

[ladymay1861]

#Spotify

[ladymay1861]

i’m debating on starting to write a book, like i have so many ideas and i think it could be really good, i just know it will take fooorreevvver and idk if i want to put that much time into it

#books and reading #writerscommunity #wrtiters

[ladymay1861]

how blind are you

to not see my suffering

it stares you in the face

every single day

how oblivious are you

to not see my pain

although, i guess it’s not your problem

i should fix it myself

yet i can’t seem to stop

falling deep and deeper in this chasm

at this point

im just waiting for the bottom

to finally be done

for it to finally end

the dark surrounds me

blinding me

oblivion at last

#oblivion #poetry #broken #pain

[ladymay1861]

that moment when

i try to kill myslef

it’s not the first time

it probably won’t be the last

yet the razor doesn’t cut deep enough

i tried to get my friends to stop me

all of them alseep

lost to their own dreams

meanwhile i was struggling with the real world

it had me in its claws

i tired to escape but apparently i’m still not enough

not even for death

too weak

too pathetic

too trusting

how do i come back from this

i don’t wish to be the center of attention

yet i don’t really want to die

i’m stuck in between both

and pills nor razors can save me at this point

i haven’t thought about life past my twenties

yet here i am

about to graduate college

what do i do with a worthless life

one i’m not sure anyone would want to live

let alone a sane person

[ladymay1861]

i cant do this anymore // i cant give you another piece of me that i dont have // you already have all of me // what more could you want

i can never fill that space // that dark void in you // the never ending abyss // in the end you will ruin me // both of us desperately trying to get back what we once had

we will never be that for each other // the only result // me withering away // you still craving

#poetry #void #heartbreak #lovers

[ladymay1861]

How I adore the sunset.

Oh, the wickedly glorious sunset!

Manic purple pink hues dancing across the sky,

Intertwining like past lovers, never wanting to let go.

Hazy clouds waving goodbye to their old friend,

It only takes him five minutes to fully disappear.

It feels like a lifetime passing by,

Sitting there watching a gift presented to me

In the form of calm, yet radiant colors.

It’s achingly beautiful to watch the world become dark,

The light almost completely vanished.

A new friend is waking up now.

She brings the stars with her,

Stars that are unusually numerous and bright.

A slight breeze picks up,

Along with it are my spirits.

I continue to sit there

Waiting, watching

The Moon getting her time to shine at last,

And questioning if I even missed the sun.

[ladymay1861]

Ode To Tattoos

How the machine sounds

Like a swarm of bees attacking a flower

(or person)

A million stabbings

Of beautifully sharpened knives

(or needles)

How swirling shades of

Black being left behind resemble that

Of a raven's feather or a rose petal.

A price I would love to pay

And pay and pay again

Why, they are my personality!

They make me feel good!

(or just make me feel)

My tattoos are stories filled with family and friends,

Loving memories that are forever on my skin.

If only they were as permanent as the ink.

[ladymay1861]

hold me please, hold me tight

suffocate me with your love

let me know i’m not the only one

the only one that feels this way

suffocate me

so i know i’m not suffocating you

i have the need

to crawl into you

to be inside your skin

to never leave you

to be whole again

do you understand how you hurt me

yet i crave it

my palm is open and awaiting

any crumb of attention you grant me

i’m yours but are you mine?

#poetry #broken #happiness #love

[ladymay1861]

Sink Or Swim

i feel you slipping away

drifting far off in this vast ocean

i don’t know if i have the energy to save us

it’s either swim to shore

or sink trying to get to you

to feel your embrace once more

or feel the sand cradling my broken soul

in the past i would do anything just to see you smile

now i’m not sure if it’s worth sacrificing myself

just to see you again and by my side

i know i could get over the heartbreak one day

but i’m not sure if i have another piece of myself to give

#poetry #heartbreak #self love #toxic relationship

[ladymay1861]

Everything

to me you're everything

other's have claimed this before

just know i mean it

with every fiber of my being

i would be nothing without you

and yet,

you are everything without me

you could conquer the world with your ever-changing eyes

the way you speak never second guessing yourself

your mind being portrayed through beautiful prose

and yet,

you adore me, lover of mine

out of the billions of people in this forsaken world

i could never hold a candle to you

you shine as bright as a thousand suns

and yet, you choose the revolve around me

#poetry #love #couple #lovers #happiness #sun

[ladymay1861]

Sarah Williams, from The Old Astronomer; Twilight Hours: A Legacy of Verse, 1886