Tumgik
larrybelievermb · 2 months
Text
Dear Boyfriend,
It frustrated me when you would not listen to what I was passionate about. I am angry that you look it up and then dismiss me. I'm disappointed you openly dismissed what I was excited about. It annoyed me when you play game while talking to me then complain that we aren't having a conversation.
From MB
0 notes
larrybelievermb · 2 months
Text
Dear Boyfriend,
Anger: I don't like it when you ignore me. I feel frustrated when you don't seem to care. I am angry that you ignore me. I want acknowledgement.
Sadness: I feel hurt when you ignore me, even if you say it's not on purpose because it feels like it. I am that you seems to blame it on me.
Fear: I am scared I am to clingy. I feel worried that I am expecting too much. I do not want to be ignored. I want to feel appreciated.
Regret: I am embarrassed that I say something and it gets ignored. I feel ashamed when I put effort into doing something you suggested just to have you ignore me. I didn't want to talk to a brick wall.
Love: I love you. I appreciate that you want to spend time with me.
From MB
P.S. The response I would like to hear from you is "Let's sit and have a chat as I cannot concentrate on two things at the same time and I apologise for accidentally ignoring you as it was not my intention"
0 notes
larrybelievermb · 3 months
Text
Dear Boyfriend,
Anger: I am frustrated that you don't let me talk. I don't like it when you ignore me. I feel frustrated when you brush off my feelings and act like you don't care. I feel annoyed that you won't sympathise with me. I am angry you keep miscommunicating things. I want you to allow me to be upset.
Sadness: I feel disappointed that I talked badly about your mother however I feel hurt that you don't see how much they have upset me. I am sad that I feel so uncomfortable around you. I want to feel progress together.
Fear: I am afraid you're going to leave me. I am scared you're going to cut me off. I am worried that you do not love me anymore. I am scared that I am more broken that you think. I need you to support me the way I am trying to support you. I am scared I'm going to fuck up again.
Regret: I feel embarrassed by my behaviour. I am sorry I keep bringing the argument up. I am sorry that I keep making everything worse. I feel embarrassed that I have panic attacks and caused all of this in the first place. I didn't want to upset you.
Love: I love you for trying to talk to your parents for me. I appreciate you speaking up for me. I thank you for spending time with me. I love you. I understand that I am difficult. I appreciate you trying.
From MB
P.S. The response I would like to hear: "I love you too and I understand that anger and negative emotions can lead to rash behaviour. I forgive you and want to work towards giving each other the support we want.
0 notes
larrybelievermb · 3 months
Text
My body is my own.
My mind is powerful and intelligent.
My heart feels and experiences.
I do not use what's mine against myself.
Or others.
0 notes
larrybelievermb · 4 months
Text
I don't understand why people who know me don't understand that when I say I don't feel well I literally am talking about my fucking feelings. I'm not embarrassed to say I have a stomach ache yadayadayada etc but I am embarrassed about saying I want to hurt myself and I hate myself. I know when people say "I don't feel well" as in physically but if you know me I will specify how I don't physically feel well instead of saying that
0 notes
larrybelievermb · 5 months
Text
I want to disappear
~MB~
0 notes
larrybelievermb · 6 months
Text
I have no reason to feel so empty all the time yet I can't stop feeling like my world needs to disappear
~MB~
0 notes
larrybelievermb · 6 months
Text
I want to burn
~MB~
0 notes
larrybelievermb · 6 months
Text
Been having this problem for a while now. My bf initially told me that I was allowed to go on his phone. I would never go through it to intentionally find stuff or read conversations etc, like maybe the occasional google or a game would be all I went on. Having said that, whenever I would go near his phone, whether that be to pick it up to give it to him or to try and Google something he would snatch it away immediately which bothered me. Last night I asked him if I could borrow his phone for the torch because mine was dead. So not only did he put in on power saving mode, but he went and cleared all the apps so I couldn't see them which I thought was a bit odd and made me want to look as it seemed he was evidently hiding something. First Google search was porn. Lovely. Now this might not seem like a big deal to everyone but it is to me because of the reasons that my parents got divorced and for the simple reason that he felt he had to hide it from me and therefore felt it was wrong.
I'm a little conflicted about it, I've told him he can watch it if he wants but it isn't something I want hidden from me. I think myself, I don't really understand the appeal of porn but it's not my place to judge what others like. But still having allowed him, I still feel uncomfortable with it but am not entirely sure why.
~MB~
advice would be appreciated:/
0 notes
larrybelievermb · 7 months
Text
Starting your period at your boyfriends house when it was supposed to be a fun experience of being home alone together for the first time. Absolutely disastrous. Not only do I feel nauseous, but I do not have my metre long hot water bottle to get rid of the back pain. I am also trying to survive on 3 pads and I've already used 2 so I'm doing great and not dying. He's the best though and giving me a constant supply of coffee which is always what I want/need hehe.
~MB~
1 note · View note
larrybelievermb · 7 months
Text
Update:
My therapist isn't practicing anymore due to personal reasons which is a bit unfortunate. However, I am really thankful to my mum right now as she actually seems to be taking what I've said seriously and we're looking for books that might be able to help me. We have found a couple on the internet so I'll talk to her and decide which one is best when I get back from my boyfriend's.
I don't want to label them because I'm not diagnosed with anxiety or anything but I keep having these like anxiety or panic attacks where it feels like I want to peel my skin off or hold my breath until I suffocate. I call it being overstimed; like too many things are happening in my head at once and I can't cope with all the emotions. I used to have them unoften but recently they've become more common and I can't deal with them in the same way I used to because it's not healthy. I get the need to focus all of my mind into one spot. I did this by burning myself with a straighter. Obviously not healthy. As they've become more common I am struggling more and more to deal with them and my mind keeps drifting to burning myself again but I know that would disappoint everyone around me if they found out. I have asked my mum to book me a therapy session as I wish to talk about it but I'm scared I won't bring it up. Last time I went was in November when the burning got really bad and I didn't even tell the therapist I self harmed. I don't want to chicken out again, even if there is that thought in the back of my mind that I can't be helped/I'm not worthy of getting better.
1 note · View note
larrybelievermb · 7 months
Text
I don't want to label them because I'm not diagnosed with anxiety or anything but I keep having these like anxiety or panic attacks where it feels like I want to peel my skin off or hold my breath until I suffocate. I call it being overstimed; like too many things are happening in my head at once and I can't cope with all the emotions. I used to have them unoften but recently they've become more common and I can't deal with them in the same way I used to because it's not healthy. I get the need to focus all of my mind into one spot. I did this by burning myself with a straighter. Obviously not healthy. As they've become more common I am struggling more and more to deal with them and my mind keeps drifting to burning myself again but I know that would disappoint everyone around me if they found out. I have asked my mum to book me a therapy session as I wish to talk about it but I'm scared I won't bring it up. Last time I went was in November when the burning got really bad and I didn't even tell the therapist I self harmed. I don't want to chicken out again, even if there is that thought in the back of my mind that I can't be helped/I'm not worthy of getting better.
1 note · View note
larrybelievermb · 8 months
Text
The unquantifiable amount that I love this person but I have voices telling me I'm not good enough. My inability to see my worth leaves me not voicing things when I'm upset because I don't feel worthy enough to do so. Some say it's avoiding conflict but I say in my experience it's lack of self worth.
0 notes
larrybelievermb · 8 months
Text
Imagine fucking for hours and then he goes and gets HIMSELF tea and biscuits 💀
1 note · View note
larrybelievermb · 1 year
Text
I'm always the one that's in the wrong even tho I'm the only one trying to better myself.
~MB~
5 notes · View notes
larrybelievermb · 1 year
Text
I don't know why I'm struggling so much but I can't even form thoughts these days
~MB~
0 notes
larrybelievermb · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media
~MB~
0 notes