larrylimericks

[larrylimericks]

27Dec23

Some boys be like, “I know a place...” Then take you to s̶t̶u̶n̶t̶ swim in a lake In water quite frigid And swim trunks quite fitted, Hitties free, beanie locked into place.

#larry #harry #harry styles #stunts #hussell #taylor russell #a photo has cropped up of harry and taylor at a swimming pond in london #it's not the mixed pond at hampstead heath #women are allowed to swim at the men's pond on christmas day #so it's suspected that's when/where they are #that cold water is doing wonders because his physique is *chiseled* #we don't know the status of his hair #as it's tightly under wraps beneath the eagles beanie #so glad they're keeping this low key #probably detoxing still from holivia #though this little bit did get the daily mail treatment #hope i didn't jinx it and we get a new year's day engagement or summat #in other news #the tomlinson sisters did what they do at christmas #which is stunt with the kid in matching pajamas #louis won't show his face ... won't put his kid on his socials ... and yet #didn't bother limericking it because last year's still works perfectly #limerick-hs #december 27 #2023

[larrylimericks]

23Nov23

Lou’s red-carpet mesh could melt butter, But re: Harry’s hair, he went nutter: First said he ain’t seen it Then muttered AI shit … Horse noises, meet Rolling Stone stutter.

#larry #louis #louis tomlinson #rolling stone uk awards #louis performed at the rolling stone uk awards tonight #he walked the red carpet in a black jacket with mesh sleeves #so hot it burnt my tongue #he indulged some red carpet questions #got all cute when asked about niall #and then brain short circuited when asked about harry's new buzzcut #his immediate response was he hadn't seen it #but then his brain caught up and realized people three galaxies over have seen it #so he panic squeaked something about AI images #the two of them trying to feign disengagement is all i'll ever need to know how ridiculously engaged they are #oh to hear harry's response to it all #limerick-lt #november 23 #2023 #baldrry

[larrylimericks]

31Oct23

Parmageddon Edition Some things, they just give you the ick: Like chicken not cooked makes you sick, Or protesting too much Theories no one brought up? And talking to fans like a dick.

#larry #louis #louis tomlinson #i know it's a week later #but i wrote this the day it happened and am still pissed #it's so obvious when it's orchestrated #he teases he's going to be on twitter for a chat #then proceeds to come on and reply to a fan's question #that had nothing to do with chickenstuffedwithmozzarellawrappedinparmaham #and bring up 'childish theories' when absolutely no one asked #it was planted to get the media clickbait stories about it #and tie 'childish' to the larry conspiracy for whatever new fans his team is chasing #or something #hell if i know #stop treating your fans like shit #i've been craving chicken parmesan since then #dude ... louis ... even larries aren't bringing up larry as much as you're bringing up larry #limerick-lt #october 31 #2023

[larrylimericks]

6Nov2023

Hairless Edition Many tears, like the curls, have been shed. “He’s acting!” “He’s balding!” they’ve said. At U2’s Vegas home: A shiny, sleek dome ... Not the Sphere — Harry’s freshly shorn head!

Homeless Edition The internet’s taking-the-piss-ing: Harry’s house and his hair have gone missing. Ol’ Ben’s attic shuffle’s Now hotels with Russell, While his husband squawks on about chicken.

#larry #harry #harry styles #harry's hair #deuxmoi bullshit #allegedly harry was seen at a U2 residency show at sphere in vegas #bono snippeted 'sign of the times' the other night #and some of harry's band of misfits and eejits were seen there #so it seems plausible he was there #deuxmoi ran a 'spotted' about seeing harry there #with a fresh buzzcut #i don't know if the pic has been confirmed or if fans are taking the piss #also the rags are making a story happen about his being homeless again #as his mansion gets renovated #and goes on to conveniently explain why he and taylor are being seen so much in central london #as that's where they're staying in a hotel #hussell #meanwhile louis is cranky #limerick-hs #limerick-lt #i know i'm pretty absent #i'm still mostly following along #but i have less and less time and patience for these homosexuals #double edition #november 6 #2023

[larrylimericks]

6Oct23

With hues blue and green, Lou was tinged, Sang ‘7’ in Barça, then grinned Cos sharing is caring And H still likes wearing Lou’s jumper — Um, bro, they’re unhinged.

#larry #harry #harry styles #louis #louis tomlinson #the umbro shirt #the fucking umbro shirt #i was literally just thinking the other day how big a deal that was #and how we haven't gotten anything unhinged in ages #and how wild it would be to see harry in it again but knowing that would never happen #and yet #AND harry chose to wear it to be widely seen #as he was with tyler and kid on a pap walk #wearing a blue jacket and drinking a green smoothie to boot! #of course the other larent arsehole couldn't be outdone #so at his show in barcelona tonight louis bluegreened #and sang 7 like the little shit he is #and smirked after the line in chicago that says 'i bet sometimes you still like to wear my jumper' #nothing like a little unhinged larry to reel me back in #limerick-lt #limerick-hs #october 6 #2023 #discarded rhyme: #H woke up and went for a plunder / then sported the world's eighth great wonder

[larrylimericks]

6Sep23

Though Louis may think cats are shit, While out on a walk with his miss, H passed a feline Who fitly opined Its shrewd thoughts (and ours) with a hiss.

#larry #harry #harry styles #stunts #taylor russell #hussell #omg i've never written a faster limerick #this is quality content #harry and taylor are seen walking in a video #in which the camera is mounted on a moving bike (not a lime!) #facing the cyclist and the cyclist's cat 😹 #who lets out the most well-timed hiss in history #we are all the cat #sigrid #sigirides #this 5-second video was better than don't worry darling #i think the video is from september 4 #limerick-hs #september 6 #2023

[larrylimericks]

5Sep23

Products change but the method’s alike: Hype new girl on a tailor-made hike, Get Loewe in favor, And Styles’ new fruit of labor? Making green on a rented Lime bike.

#larry #harry #harry styles #sponcon harry #harry has been spotted on or near a lime bike like three times recently #and some knuckleheads are still like 'hE's sO QUirKy!' #dude is making money #and the guy who 'spotted' harry today is a social media dude who has previous interactions with lime #stop being stupid #he was hired to boost taylor russell's image #he was hired to boost loewe's image #he was hired to boost lime's image #you can't make money if people don't know you exist #harry styles is the most direct route to people knowing you exist #i truly believe there are no organic harry sightings #everything is agenda #did you know you pronounce loewe like 'lo-ay-vay'? #that shit's hard to cram into a rhyme! #tagging stunts even though that wasn't today's specific news #stunts #taylor russell #hussell #harry's brand deals #lime bikes #limerick-hs #september 5 #2023

[larrylimericks]

14Aug23

Ten years! The betrothed, we wish well. From the record, someone’s been expelled. Not the swinger of purse — No, in fact, the reverse: It’s Louis who’s now been Danielled.

#larry #louis #louis tomlinson #stunts #danielle campbell #douis #colin woodell #danielle got engaged #the article headline originally said they'd been together 10 years #which would wipe louis from the narrative #it's since been edited (after larries did what we do) #and now reads 'after meeting nearly a decade ago' #it's sloppy fluffy non-journalism #held to no standards of fact-checking nor accuracy #but it's still funny as hell #and a good reminder that nothing is real #the real news is how adorable/gorgeous louis looked at lucky's first birthday party #so happy he's able to spend time with family #limerick-lt #august 14 #2023

[larrylimericks]

10Aug23

New actress, same script: Harry’s coupled. The effect is publicity doubled: He gets post-tour mentions, Her name gets attention From an audience easily hustled.

#larry #harry #harry styles #stunts #taylor russell #hussell #hiiiiiii #still here still larrying #just can't be arsed to care much anymore #these are grown men making their choices #it's not a big gay war anymore #i think a lot of celebrities (like harry) rely too much on this 'choose your own adventure' model #in order to appeal to the widest possible base #but i wonder how long that's sustainable #in trying to be the realization of everyone's fantasy there is no common fandom experience anymore #and being a fan (of anything) is getting less and less fun #anyway ... still adore him/them #the narrative is the same as it ever was: #she was spotted at a show #they were spotted at the photo-unfriendly soho house #lots of being seen walking from behind #some shared accessories and brands #james corden annoyingly inserting himself everywhere #pap photos conveniently showing him as supportive partner at her play's press night #harry needs to stay relevant now that tour's over #taylor needs exposure for her new play #and there's speculation harry will become more of a loewe showcase (she's already an ambassador) #limerick-hs #august 10 #2023

[larrylimericks]

1Jun23

Black tank tops, the reason we died. H thirst trapped, his husband replied. Fans feral and jarred By arms sculpted and scarred ... The Larents said, “Bitches, it’s Pride.”

#larry #louis #louis tomlinson #harry #harry styles #jesus fucking christ louis #wasn't following along live tonight #and when i logged in my brain malfunctioned #he's ev.er.y.thing #he broke us #i'm broken #was already reeling over harry's paris look #black leather trousers and black sequin tank top #and then louis waltzes out in cuyahoga fucking falls looking like *that* #he also debuted high in california #seriously how the fuck do they get anything done? #how do they not just lick armpits and bite scruffy jaws all day? #fitf cuyahoga falls #love on tour paris 1 #june 1 #2023 #limerick-lt #limerick-hs #tank top louis #honestly a little bit pissed at him for how much of my brain this is going to consume for weeks

[larrylimericks]

26May23

Lou’s set leaked but none could predict All This Time and World Class Megamixed; Blue/green, rainbowed and gay, Then he went on to slay A 1D tune penned by his nemesis.

#larry #louis #louis tomlinson #fitf world tour #fitf uncasville #louis’ faith in the future tour debuted in connecticut #he took the stage in moldy trousers indisputably green and blue #the set list got leaked beforehand #with a mysterious ‘Megamix’ wedged in the set #which would end up to be All This Time segued into She Is Beauty We Are World Class #it was transcendent #dancy … trancey … gay #blue/green lights for all this time #then a gorgeous prism of lights for SIBWAWC #people were floored to see back to you back in rotation #it got a fun rock makeover #as for 1D covers … night changes returned #and was joined by where do broken hearts go ffs #complete with a baba o’riley snippet #a nice throwback to the bit sampled in best song ever #which his husband recently snippeted on tour #too much tour debut content for tags #he was amazing #niall played story of my life at his festival performance today #and harry of course is playing stockholm syndrome #no one loves 1D more than 1D #limerick-lt #may 26 #2023

[larrylimericks]

22Apr23

Lofie’s done, says The Sun—void and null; Lasted one cup of coffee in full. Lou’s now through with the Dane (No one asked, but OK) And could use Harry’s help with a pull.

#larry #louis #louis tomlinson #stunts #lofie #souis #sofie nyvang #the sun announced louis’ split from ‘danish model’ #the relationship constituted one coffee pap walk #and her doing some louis breadcrumbing on her insta #glad she got a free trip to london out of it #and 30k instagram followers #absolutely no one cared about them #wonder why the need for an official split #it’s never not weird #there was the requisite harry mention in the article #which suggested the two single lads go out on the pull together #larry have been helping each other pull since 2010 #in other news #clowns are clowning about a 1D reunion on the final late late show #despite james’ having shut it down already #limerick-lt #april 22 #2023

[larrylimericks]

30Mar23

We offer HQ this critique: If it’s interest in H you want piqued, What beats gossipy trolls? Daybreak Tokyo strolls Swathed in mist and angelic mystique.

#larry #harry #harry styles #kiko mizuhara #harry's friends #video has emerged of harry and kiko #walking in a shinjuku street early in the morning #after the sloppy hatarry kiss #the video comes from a livestream street cam #did a fan comb through and find it? #or was it nudged our way? #no idea #but fandom unanimously agrees it's mesmerizing #and way more intriguing than any deuxmoi bs #harry is wearing angel wings #it's so lovely to just see him exist #there's a freak in the sheets / angel in the streets joke in there somewhere #i love tokyo harry #stunts #ratarry #limerick-hs #march 30 #2023

[larrylimericks]

If anyone cares to track this garbage, these are screenshots from any time Harry and Emrata were mentioned together on Deux Moi starting with her being sighted at his July 5 Paris show (I dunno if it's exhaustive, but I was curious if this was gonna be a stunt so I started paying attention). It's amusing how hard they went on the threesome. It could have started from a fan being stupid, but it sure seems like someone's working to make it pop culture lore. Maybe "Harry had a threesome" is the salacious stand-in for "Harry likes older women" since Emrata is a boring two years older than him (and this way Olivia gets to keep slurping on the dregs of her stunt). I'm not saying Emrata herself is boring — she's apparently quite the exhibitionist. It seems the HSHQ strategy is to find the most self-absorbed attention seekers and light the fuse. Funny innit how the threesome gets mentioned when Holivia ends and brought back up right before Hemrata/Ratarry/Ratatourry debuts? I wish Harry's team wasn't ok with this. At worst, they started it; at best, they didn't stop it. They continue to indulge the lowest common denominator — the people who salivate over this shit — because the quality of fans isn't important, just the quantity.

Can I give you that back? I don't want it.

Rest of screenshots under cut.

Posted on July 19, 2022:

Posted on October 3, 2022:

Posted on October 11, 2022:

Posted on November 21, 2022 (Harry followed Emily on November 15 and we got Holivia news November 18):

Posted on March 17, 2023:

And just for funsies, this February 6, 2023, post that makes sure — amid all the rumors of Harry hooking up with people in Australia and Asia — that we'll know he's dating when we see it.

#harry #harry styles #emily ratajkowski #hemrata #ratarry #rattry #ratatourry #stunts #deuxmoi #not a limerick #holivia #i guess spring stunt season has sprung #loufie #zayn and selena #liam and the new blonde #harry and whatever tf this is #march 23 #2023

[larrylimericks]

25Mar23

A new slim brunette—a stunt hollow, Foretold by an Instagram follow; There’s “dancing” and “kissing” So we’re take-the-pissing Cos the news, like Em’s chin, s’tough to swallow.

#larry #harry #harry styles #stunts #beards #stunt debut! #emily ratajkowski #emrata #hemrata #rattry #ratarry #ratatourry #indiaalphawhisky absolutely wins with that last stunt name #in news surprising to no one #we have pap vid/pics of harry and emrata being friendly in tokyo #awkward dancing and awkward kissing #like harry is trying to swallow her face awkward #this has been a suspected new stunt for a while #as far back as july when she was seen at his paris concert #and deuxmoi has been drooling about a holivily threesome rumors for months #gotta love the timing #right as he's wrapped up a tour leg and is going to be mia for a bit #some gossip to coast on and keep name engagement up #anyway #it doesn't have to make sense #it just has to not be gay #please don't let it be two years #limerick-hs #march 25 #2023

[larrylimericks]

#ratatourry

[larrylimericks]

Narrator's voice: They were. 🙄

(Tags from my 18Nov22 limerick, when we were celebrating the end of Holivia.)

#hemrata? #harrily? #emrry? #ratrry? #what are we going with for this nonsense?