leiazher

[leiazher]

Penis Envy and the six other Penis Deadly Sins

[leiazher]

POV you made a popular post about insects

#'the emotional processing capabilites of a cop' oh god #wonderful

[leiazher]

#seriously #yes

[leiazher]

one of my greatest pet peeves in fiction, and it is truly stupid I know, is that no one seems to understand how genuinely hard it is to kill someone via stabbing. stab wounds have a mortality rate of like 5%. especially abdominal stabbing. tv shows and movies show dudes getting stabbed one time in the lower abdomen with a tiny knife and then they fall over. like what did he die of precisely. that man died of Small Knife

[leiazher]

new favourite hobby, stitching dumb shit onto pretty fabric

[leiazher]

going thru mood swings makes me feel like a sim its so embarrassing

[leiazher]

I went to the local aviary today and they had some really mean things to say about owls.

[leiazher]

Imagine this:

You're out walking your dog, as you do, and you've decided to let the dog decide where you go, as you sometimes do, because you have nothing going on and you might as well take a three hour long walk.

Your dog leads you into the forest, back out again, obviously following a rabbit trail because he's sniffing some hollows and bushes where rabbits may hide.

You let him.

He gets distracted by entering a populated area, and there are suddenly a ton of people to greet. You let him, and some people are very nice and appreciative of him, he likes the attention.

You move on when people's (and pup's) interest has waned, and enter an alley.

In the alley, a drug deal is going on. You stop, deer-in-headlights look on your face. Who does drug deals in alleys these days? Isn't that like, a super obvious place for cops to search for drug deals? And this is in a populated area!

You see these people see you, and they get a bit stressed. One of them shouts, which is puppy-speak for "come play!"

So.

Puppy pulls, and barks, and lunges toward these four young men. All of them freak out, no doubt thinking my playful, fuckoff huge puppy is gearing up for some serious maiming.

They turn to the opposite side of the alley and start running.

Right into a group of not three, not four, but six cops who've just pulled up in a van, guess some sensible person gave them a call before you stumbled in.

Puppy spots additional people to play with, and tugs harder, you have to wrestle your pup away while the cops are busy arresting four people.

You keep wrestling your overly excited pup while one of the cops come over to you to ask you some questions. He looks at the dog for a moment, as if he's unsure of what he's seeing.

Then his eyes go huge, and he exclaims, excited and over the moon with joy: "Is that a borzoi?!" And this cop, who, by the way, is in the middle of a large arrest, gets down to greet puppy and get slobber all over his face. I boggle, I say: "Yes?" And he keeps cuddling my puppy while his five colleagues are arresting four young men in possession of hard drugs (from what I could hear.)

The cop suddenly remembers himself, and finally asks: "What did you see?"

I just... "I walked in, pup got excited, pulled and barked, and scared them, and they ran." Cop, who has by now remembered that he's supposed to be professional, fights laughter, and then he nods, clears his throat, and turns back to the arrest and search going on.

You stare a bit longer, then turn around and leave.

You decide it's time to go home.

Pup is not impressed with your decision, but follows along, happy to have made so many new friends.

You, meanwhile, are rethinking whether you should let pup decide any future walks, you also decide to keep away from alleys from now on.

You also decide, actually, that it was hilarious that a 1.9 meter tall cop forgot everything he was doing at the sight of a borzoi.

You also decide you might be a bit odd when you think that not for a second did you feel threatened, scared, or uncertain.

I mean... you did just walk right in on a drug deal and bust.

And, sure, it went fine. But the fact remains: You did just walk in on a drug deal.

But the thing you're going to remember is an imposing looking cop absolutely losing his cool because of a borzoi.

You decide that the matter is something to laugh at. Because, let's face it, the whole thing was absurd.

#I called a friend right after and just laughed and laughed #it was so surreal #this cop exclaiming 'is that a borzoi?!' #while the clicks of handcuffs fastening was heard in the background #a few things have been changed due to privacy and ongoing investigation matters #but the interactions remain unchanged #tw drugs #tw drugs mention #tw cops #tw police #tw cops mention #tw police mention

[leiazher]

humans are a subspecies of elf known for dying really quickly and being stressed the whole time

#oh god #we are the pugs of the humanoids

[leiazher]

I'd actually be super interested in seeing some of your more stylized stuff if you're willing to share?

I don't mind to share some, thanks for your interest! I have a lot of them but I tried to choose some of my favorites:

(I used to post my stylized art on a separate account on DeviantArt, but since I left DA, I no longer post them anywhere. I was thinking about an account on some other site, but unfortunately I no longer have the energy or time to maintain even more accounts and post so many different things, so I mostly keep my stylized art for just myself and my friends. I don't know if it makes sense to post it on my main accounts, maybe I'll think about it...)

[leiazher]

Honestly if you have place just designate a drawer/part of the wardrobe for "clean but not clean enough" clothes?? I wear my jeans until the lower legs are caked in dirt, and most often I just go out on the balcony and smack the clumps off instead of throwing them in the wash. But then again, I don't wear the jeans indoors, jeans are walking and working clothes in my opinion. Anyways, designate a drawer, or get one of those under-bed storage things, that way you have real easy access to your dirty-but-not-dirty-enough/clean-but-not-clean-enough clothes. Plop an air freshener of some sort in there too, and don't put your clothes in immediately, let them dry out first since you have been sweating in them. If you put them in your designated drawer/under-bed-storage-thing immediately, you'll get that funky gym-bag stink on all of them.

one of my biggest tidiness challenges is figuring out what to do with multi-wear per wash clothes that I’ve worn once and can no longer be counted among the “clean” laundry but are not yet deserving of the designation “dirty”

#clothing #organization tips #right? #anyways

[leiazher]

Sliman Mansour (Palestinian, 1947) - Fire in the Field (2012)

[leiazher]

would love to know which one works better for you and why

#original fiction: one document per chapter #fanfic: all chapters in one fic plus a mess of notes between paragraphs #editing done in patches and strike-through on words and sentences right in the document #no new sentences added to make up for the gap #and it's a huge mess until I untangle it in a six hour #caffeine fuelled frenzy #honestly I prefer the fanfic method...

[leiazher]

So does this mean the chicken came before the egg?

the default way for things to taste is good. we know this because "tasty" means something tastes good. conversely, from the words "smelly" and "noisy" we can conclude that the default way for things to smell and sound is bad. interestingly there are no corresponding adjectives for the senses of sight and touch. the inescapable conclusion is that the most ordinary object possible is invisible and intangible, produces a hideous cacophony, smells terrible, but tastes delicious. and yet this description matches no object or phenomenon known to science or human experience. so what the fuck

#it is the default object after all

[leiazher]

#towel and brute force

[leiazher]

dionysus big naturals

[leiazher]

Bandits are often not your biggest problem when flying across the Windy Wing Basin.

~

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