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lemonlushff · 6 months

Text

- What's the point of breaking my sweet heart? -

Lan Wangji stares at the text from an unsaved number, feeling surprised and confused all at once.

“I wish I was what you wanted.”

His heart aches for them - this mystery person.

He knows what it’s like to be…

Well.

He knows, perhaps better than most.

The send time was 2 in the morning. A drunk confession from someone, no doubt. Many are made bold by the cover of night with the aid of intoxication. His heart aches for them - this mystery person.

The texts sits heavy with him all day as he runs errands. Does his laundry. Meal preps for the week. Begins his essay on sustainable water collection and storage in desert areas.

He finally writes back just before Wei Wuxian arrives. It feels like the right thing to do - to tell them that it didn’t reach their intended audience.

“Wrong number?”

If it were for him, he would have their number saved. He's sure of it.

He puts the text out of his mind then, silently wishing the person luck with...whoever it was for.

Wei Wuxian arrives at his apartment, backpack slung over one shoulder and dark bruises marring the skin under his eyes.

Another late night, it would seem.

“Wei Ying,” he greets, stepping back into his apartment to allow Wei Wuxian entrance.

“Lan Zhan, hey…Sorry I’m late.”

He isn’t late, by Wei Wuxian’s standards. By his standards, he’s on time.

“It’s alright. I just finished my essay.”

“Ah…Then you’re further than I am,” he grins easily…but his smile is.

Off.

It doesn’t quite reach his tired eyes.

Lan Wangji isn’t worried. About the essay. He knows Wei Wuxian will be able to finish that, and brilliantly. He always does. He’s concerned about him emotionally, however.

He wants to ask him what’s wrong, but it’s too soon. He’s known Wei Ying for years, and if there’s one thing Lan Wangji has learned, it’s that he needs to lull Wei Ying into a sense of security before he will even consider discussing anything that is bothering him.

“Tea?”

“Ahhh…that would be amazing. Yeah - thanks Lan Zhan.”

“Of course.”

He watches Wei Ying make a place for himself out of the corner of his eye as he fills a kettle. Wei Ying looks like he belongs here. On his couch. In his home.

In his life.

He wishes Wei Ying wanted that too. In the way Lan Zhan did. He wishes he could be the one to make Wei Ying happy. He would rip out his own heart - feed him the marrow from his bones - if that's what it would take to keep him here.

To make him see how much Lan Zhan loved him.

Lan Zhan lights his stovetop as his phone chimes distinctly in the background. He pays it no mind, instead moving to grab Wei Ying's mug from his cabinets.

"How far are you?" Lan Zhan asks neutrally, just to hear the sound of Wei Ying's voice. It never takes much prompting.

He loves that Wei Ying loves to talk. "I have the research done, I'm just putting off writing it. I do my best work under pressure."

"Mm," Lan Zhan hums, selecting a blueberry lavender tea he bought at the farmers market the other week. He was intrigued despite himself and thought Wei Ying might enjoy it.

"Aaaah Lan Zhan...You're judging me! Don't judge me. It always works out, right?"

"I am not judging you. I do, however, believe that this is the perfect opportunity for you to begin working on an outline."

"Before I even have my tea? So cruel gege!"

Lan Wangji ignored the moniker and leveled Wei Ying with a flat look instead. He wouldn't rise to the bait. He learned long ago that it would only encourage it.

"Aish alright, alright...let me get my computer out."

With Wei Ying's back turned, Lan Wangji finally checks his phone.

It's a text from the unknown number.

"Maybe...Was it?"

Lan Zhan's breath hitches in his throat for a moment before he finds himself. It's flattering but meaningless.

"I don't know - I don't know you," he replies.

The kettle starts shrieking from the stove, and Lan Zhan slides his phone back into his pocket where it remains blissfully silent for the rest of the night.

It's not until the next morning that he sees another text from the unsaved number.

"I think I'm a brave coward Lan Zhan. I was just supposed to tell you and not respond. So I could move on. But I can't. It's impossible to move on from you. I've been trying so hard...I heard this would help but it's selfish. I just wanted to say I'm sorry, this time."

Lan Zhan doesn’t know what to think or how to feel this time. This person used his name. Had his number. There is no mistaking it for a drunken wrong text now.

He knows them.

He goes about his morning routine as best he can. Goes for a run. Does some yoga. Showers.

All the while all he can think about is this person.

At first he’s mad.

Mad at them for putting him in this position. For not facing him and hiding like this. They say they like him but they can’t even show him their face? Say who they are? They hide behind anonymity and for what?

Because they know he will turn them down?

Because they know he will turn them down…

This person knows him, and in knowing him, they know that their feelings can never be returned. Not when he is so completely and hopelessly in love with Wei Ying.

That’s why they had said they wished they were what he wanted. Because they know…

And is it selfish, then, for them to want to seek release from their emotional bonds to him? It’s it selfish and cruel for them to confess when they think this is the only way they can move on?

Is it not, in truth, as they said? Are they not brave even though they hide?

Braver than even Lan Zhan himself?

By the time Lan Zhan is done showering, he knows how to reply to them, because he cannot tolerate them calling themself a coward.

“You’re not a brave coward," he texts. "You’re merely brave. Telling someone how you feel is not an easy feat. You’re braver than I. Please don’t apologize to me for saying what you need to say. I wish I could return your feelings for you. You seem kind - I don’t relish hurting you.”

He doesn’t expect a response to his reply.

In a way, he’s rather assumed this would be the end of their conversation. They’ve both said their piece. Now it’s time for them to move on.

Yet, when his phone chimes a few minutes later his heart still speeds up as he irrationally thinks it’s them.

It’s not.

It’s Wei Ying.

“Lan Zhaaaaaaannnnn…don’t hate me but I can’t make it to lunch today.” He’s surprised - Wei Ying never cancels.

“I could never hate you. Is everything alright?”

“Everythings fine! I just need to work on that paper.”

Lan Zhans brow furrows. It wouldn’t be uncommon for Wei Ying to work on homework while at lunch with him. They often do it together.

Perhaps Wei Ying was more stressed about it than he had let on.

“You will let me know if you need any assistance?”

“Lan Zhan! How can you be so good? The absolute best! Yes - I’ll let you know. Promise.”

Lan Zhan takes him for his word and resolves to push the unease he feels growing in the pit of his stomach to the side.

Everything is fine. He's sure it's fine.

Lan Zhan packs his bag and heads to his first class of the day, head swirling with thoughts about how he can help relieve some of Wei Ying's stress.

Perhaps he could order tea? He had looked so tired when Lan Zhan had last seen him.

Or - if Wei Ying is canceling on him, then he's likely not going to remember to eat. He gets that way, sometimes. Maybe Lan Zhan could cook him dinner and bring it to his apartment later.

He wouldn't need to stay...and selfishly...it would make Lan Zhan feel better to know Wei Ying was taken care of.

The weather is starting to turn, and the leaves are scattered on the pavement around him as he walks to the store. Wei Ying has always been a fan of his sister's lotus root & pork rib soup.

Perhaps he should make soup, then. Braised beef with daikon - warm and hearty, and it doesn't encroach upon the fond memories Wei Ying has of his sister.

He's just bringing the soup to its final boil when his phone chimes again.

It's from the unsaved number.

Lan Zhan's heartbeat picks up, then shatters when he reads the preview on the screen.

"How do you know you can't return my feelings?"

He'd really thought after this morning that this would be the end of it.

He sets his phone to the side and packages up the soup, letting the words sit with him as he walks to the apartment Wei Ying shares with Jiang Cheng.

How does he know he can't like them back? Because his heart already belongs to someone else. He thought this person knew. They had very clearly said they wished they were what he wanted.

He doesn't even know who they are! It doesn't seem fair that they're asking him this. He thought the point was to move on.

Lan Zhan doesn't see how this is helping.

He told them no - why are they continuing to torture themself?

He exhales in frustration as Wei Ying's building comes into view.

He wants to focus on him now and give Wei Ying the attention he deserves, no matter how briefly.

"I don't know who you, are" he types, and pauses.

He wants to get the point across. Once and for all.

"I'm sorry - I can't love you when I'm already in love with someone else. I hope you find your own peace and happiness."

He presses send before he can think twice and makes his way up to Wei Ying's apartment, forcing himself to shove everything to the side.

It isn't until Lan Zhan is standing in front of the door in the dimly lit hallway that it occurs to him that perhaps he shouldn't have surprised Wei Ying with the soup.

So concerned with his well-being, Lan Zhan never paused to consider that Wei Ying might not be home.

The apartment is still on the other side of the door. There aren't the normal signs up life: loud laughter. Music or the dull sound of the TV blaring this drama or that documentary.

Ignoring the prickling on the back of his neck alerting him that something is wrong, Lan Zhan knocks.

And waits.

And knocks again.

He can hear shuffling on the other side of the door now. The slightest shadow of shoes under the door.

"Wei Ying? It's me..." he tries, but still the door doesn't open. Had he done something? He should have called first, he knows that...but Wei Ying never freezes him out like this. And it must be Wei Ying, because Jiang Cheng would have no problem opening the door.

Normally, Wei Ying doesn't either.

And that's why it feels like this now. Like Wei Ying doesn't want to see Lan Zhan, and Lan Zhan doesn't know why...

"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan sighs, leaning his head against the door. "I made you soup. I was worried you wouldn't remember to eat."

Wei Ying doesn't say anything and the prickling on his neck only worsens.

"Did I..." Lan Zhan whispers, swallowing. "Wei Ying, what's wrong? You can tell me. You can tell me anything."

Still, silence.

He can't force Wei Ying to talk to him.

"I'll leave the soup for you by the door. Please don't forget to eat."

It's all he can do.

He turns around and leaves the way he came.

It's only after he's made it halfway home that his phone chimes with another text.

"Thanks gege - you're too good."

Lan Zhan has to read it twice, hands shaking - breath caught in his throat, pulse pounding hard in his veins.

It's from the unsaved number...

...But there's only one person who would be shameless enough to call him gege.

And he just brought him soup.

But he can’t be. Wei Ying can’t be this person…Because why wouldn’t he tell him…Why wouldn’t…No…No Wei Ying doesn’t have feelings for him. He can’t. He…But…No…

No…Because if Wei Ying is…then Lan Zhan just told him…

No. No. Nononono…

He couldn’t ruin this. Lan Zhan refused to believe he had just told Wei Ying he couldn’t love him. Not when the only thing Lan Zhan wanted to do was just that.

He needed to talk to Wei Ying.

Now.

He needed to be brave too.

And if he’s wrong…

No. No, he refused to believe that. Not when it all made sense, the way Wei Ying wouldn’t talk to him. The timing of…everything today.

No, he was right, he reassured himself, pounding on Wei Ying’s door.

He had to be.

“Wei Ying, Wei Ying please open,” Lan Zhan yelled, not caring how loud he was. The soup was missing. Wei Ying was home. He had to be. “Wei Ying, please…I need to talk to you. You are what I want. Please…Please, I was wrong. I didn’t know it was yo—”

The door to Wei Ying’s apartment creaked open, and Wei Ying peaked out at him from behind the dark blue painted wood.

“—Lan Zhan…”

“Wei Ying…”

His eyes were red rimmed and watery. His messy hair had been pulled away from his face and gathered at the crown of his neck…and the shirt he wore…It was Lan Zhan’s. The one Lan Zhan slept in when he spent the night.

He wasn’t wrong. He couldn’t be.

It was Wei Ying.

It was Wei Ying all along.

“Lan Zhan, what—"

Wei Ying had been brave for them. Now it was Lan Zhan's turn.

Lan Zhan pushed the door open and grabbed Wei Ying by the back of his neck, crashing their lips together before Wei Ying could do something stupid.

Like try and deny it all.

Wei Ying stiffened under his lips, and for the first time, Lan Zhan considered the possibility that maybe he really was wrong. Maybe he had just been so hopeful...Maybe he had just wanted this so much that he saw what he wanted to see…

Lan Zhan pulled away from Wei Ying, looking down at his wide shocked eyes and slack parted lips.

"Wei Ying," he breathed, eyes searching his. "Tell me I'm right...tell me it's you...Tell me I had it wrong before, in the texts..."

Wei Ying only stared back at him, unmoving.

Neither of them said anything for a long moment, and then Lan Zhan couldn't take the silence anymore. He could feel his own heart breaking with every second that ticked by. He'd really wanted it so much that he'd made a fool of himself.

"...Right," Lan Zhan shakily exhaled.

He could feel his eyes prickling, but he wasn't going to cry here. He'd wait until he got home for that particular humiliation. He'd done enough today.

"I apologize. I...Please. Forget I ever...I'll leave."

He'd just turned around when he felt a hand jerking his arm back, spinning him back around. A pair of lips crashed into his - nails from a hand scraping against the skin of his neck as it held him in place.

Everything was a blur - his mind a haze. All he understood was one simple thing.

Wei Ying was kissing him. And he was going to kiss him back.

He was going to make Wei Ying understand everything he kept locked away in his heart. He was going to make Wei Ying know just how much he loved him, and how wrong he had been.

Wei Ying began to shake between Lan Zhan's hands as something warm and wet brushed against Lan Zhan's thumbs.

Tears.

"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan breathed, tenderly rubbing the soft skin of Wei Ying's cheeks.

"I...I'm not sad," Wei Ying rasped.

"I'm not, it's just..."

"A lot," Lan Zhan offered, and Wei Ying nodded.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Hiding. Almost losing you. Canceling lunch. Take your pick," he laughed with a watery smile. "I was a coward."

"Not a coward." How could he be when Wei Ying was the bravest person he knew?

Lan Zhan bent down and kissed each cheek - pressing his lips against the salty wet skin from his tears.

"Never a coward. You're so brave, Wei Ying...Braver than I could have been."

Wei Ying closed his eyes against a new wave of tears and Lan Zhan took the opportunity to kiss his lids. His brows.

He wanted to kiss every inch of Wei Ying.

Lan Zhan gently pressed his head against Wei Ying's forehead as Wei Ying loosely wrapped both his arms around Lan Zhan's neck. Wei Ying's fingers started playing with the neck of his shirt, worrying the soft fabric.

"I can't believe this is real...I can't believe...You said..."

He knew what he said.

"It was you," Lan Zhan murmured, inhaling. "It was always you."

And it would always be him.

He was never letting go again.

(Fin)

A few answers to some things they talk about later:

Wei Ying was too upset to realize he texted from the wrong number, and then he dismissed it and thought Lan Zhan wouldn't notice. He did.

Wei Ying also started doing this because he realized he couldn't keep loving Lan Zhan, but he didn't want to ruin what they had and their friendship. That was too important to him.

Nie Huaisang suggested he do this instead.

I don't think I have anything else left unexplained...But let's just handwave if I do.

Thanks for sticking with this one fam! I haven't done angst here before. It was fun stretching that muscle again!

Originally posted to twitter, then bsky.

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lemonlushff · 6 months

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Lan Zhan goes to a Jin fundraiser for bestie Jin Zixuan. He's bored and he's lonely and he's only there to support his best friend. He's counting down the minutes until leaving is deemed socially acceptable, when he hears a loud crash in the middle of the room. One of the servers walked into a column hard enough to knock himself onto the floor. He's bright red, both from the wine he was carrying and from embarrassment. He's sitting there completely soaked, and trying to clean it up with the little napkins he has.

It's at this point that Lan Zhan decides to help the man…

…and that said man, aka Wei Ying, goes into a panic. Because the super hot man he had been staring at is coming over.

Honestly, he doesn't even know how this happened.

He was just out here, minding his own business. Asking people if they wanted a drink with one of his winning (fake) smiles. Biding his time until the whole event was over and he could go home…and then BAM.

He's taking on a pillar.

And he SWEARS the column wasn't there a minute ago!!! And now he's covered in wet stuff! And now the really hot guy is COMING OVER TO HIM...and he just wishes the ground would open up and swallow him.

"Are you alright?"

"Ah…ha…yeah…Thanks. Nothing worse than a ruined shirt and a bruised ego. I hope you didn't want any of this because I'm fresh out of wine."

Hot man looks at him for a long moment then reaches into his front pocket to remove a pocket square, wiping some of the spilled liquid of Wei Ying's cheek.

"I suppose it's fortunate I don't drink."

"Really? Nothing? But how am I supposed to make up ruining your pocket square?"

Hot man hums thoughtfully to himself, then says, "You could make it up to me with tea."

In Lan Zhan's mind. He thinks he just asked Wei Ying out for tea.

In Wei Ying's mind, Lan Zhan just asked him for a cup of tea.

And I just think it would be funny if Wei Ying spent the rest of the night looking for tea for Lan Zhan, and Lan Zhan still trying to get Wei Ying's number so they can coordinate after the event.

(That's it. I just want the /vibes/.)

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lemonlushff · 6 months

Text

It's at this point that Lan Zhan decides to help the man…

…and that said man, aka Wei Ying, goes into a panic. Because the super hot man he had been staring at is coming over.

Honestly, he doesn't even know how this happened.

He's taking on a pillar.

"Are you alright?"

"Ah…ha…yeah…Thanks. Nothing worse than a ruined shirt and a bruised ego. I hope you didn't want any of this because I'm fresh out of wine."

Hot man looks at him for a long moment then reaches into his front pocket to remove a pocket square, wiping some of the spilled liquid of Wei Ying's cheek.

"I suppose it's fortunate I don't drink."

"Really? Nothing? But how am I supposed to make up ruining your pocket square?"

Hot man hums thoughtfully to himself, then says, "You could make it up to me with tea."

In Lan Zhan's mind. He thinks he just asked Wei Ying out for tea.

In Wei Ying's mind, Lan Zhan just asked him for a cup of tea.

And I just think it would be funny if Wei Ying spent the rest of the night looking for tea for Lan Zhan, and Lan Zhan still trying to get Wei Ying's number so they can coordinate after the event.

(That's it. I just want the /vibes/.)

#mdzs #mdzs fanart #the untamed #lan wangji #lan zhan #my art #artists on tumblr #lemonlushff art #wangxian

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lemonlushff · 6 months

Text

- What's the point of breaking my sweet heart? -

Lan Wangji stares at the text from an unsaved number, feeling surprised and confused all at once.

“I wish I was what you wanted.”

His heart aches for them - this mystery person.

He knows what it’s like to be…

Well.

He knows, perhaps better than most.

The send time was 2 in the morning. A drunk confession from someone, no doubt. Many are made bold by the cover of night with the aid of intoxication. His heart aches for them - this mystery person.

The texts sits heavy with him all day as he runs errands. Does his laundry. Meal preps for the week. Begins his essay on sustainable water collection and storage in desert areas.

He finally writes back just before Wei Wuxian arrives. It feels like the right thing to do - to tell them that it didn’t reach their intended audience.

“Wrong number?”

If it were for him, he would have their number saved. He's sure of it.

He puts the text out of his mind then, silently wishing the person luck with...whoever it was for.

Wei Wuxian arrives at his apartment, backpack slung over one shoulder and dark bruises marring the skin under his eyes.

Another late night, it would seem.

“Wei Ying,” he greets, stepping back into his apartment to allow Wei Wuxian entrance.

“Lan Zhan, hey…Sorry I’m late.”

He isn’t late, by Wei Wuxian’s standards. By his standards, he’s on time.

“It’s alright. I just finished my essay.”

“Ah…Then you’re further than I am,” he grins easily…but his smile is.

Off.

It doesn’t quite reach his tired eyes.

Lan Wangji isn’t worried. About the essay. He knows Wei Wuxian will be able to finish that, and brilliantly. He always does. He’s concerned about him emotionally, however.

“Tea?”

“Ahhh…that would be amazing. Yeah - thanks Lan Zhan.”

“Of course.”

He watches Wei Ying make a place for himself out of the corner of his eye as he fills a kettle. Wei Ying looks like he belongs here. On his couch. In his home.

In his life.

To make him see how much Lan Zhan loved him.

Lan Zhan lights his stovetop as his phone chimes distinctly in the background. He pays it no mind, instead moving to grab Wei Ying's mug from his cabinets.

"How far are you?" Lan Zhan asks neutrally, just to hear the sound of Wei Ying's voice. It never takes much prompting.

He loves that Wei Ying loves to talk. "I have the research done, I'm just putting off writing it. I do my best work under pressure."

"Mm," Lan Zhan hums, selecting a blueberry lavender tea he bought at the farmers market the other week. He was intrigued despite himself and thought Wei Ying might enjoy it.

"Aaaah Lan Zhan...You're judging me! Don't judge me. It always works out, right?"

"I am not judging you. I do, however, believe that this is the perfect opportunity for you to begin working on an outline."

"Before I even have my tea? So cruel gege!"

Lan Wangji ignored the moniker and leveled Wei Ying with a flat look instead. He wouldn't rise to the bait. He learned long ago that it would only encourage it.

"Aish alright, alright...let me get my computer out."

With Wei Ying's back turned, Lan Wangji finally checks his phone.

It's a text from the unknown number.

"Maybe...Was it?"

Lan Zhan's breath hitches in his throat for a moment before he finds himself. It's flattering but meaningless.

"I don't know - I don't know you," he replies.

The kettle starts shrieking from the stove, and Lan Zhan slides his phone back into his pocket where it remains blissfully silent for the rest of the night.

It's not until the next morning that he sees another text from the unsaved number.

Lan Zhan doesn’t know what to think or how to feel this time. This person used his name. Had his number. There is no mistaking it for a drunken wrong text now.

He knows them.

He goes about his morning routine as best he can. Goes for a run. Does some yoga. Showers.

All the while all he can think about is this person.

At first he’s mad.

Because they know he will turn them down?

Because they know he will turn them down…

This person knows him, and in knowing him, they know that their feelings can never be returned. Not when he is so completely and hopelessly in love with Wei Ying.

That’s why they had said they wished they were what he wanted. Because they know…

And is it selfish, then, for them to want to seek release from their emotional bonds to him? It’s it selfish and cruel for them to confess when they think this is the only way they can move on?

Is it not, in truth, as they said? Are they not brave even though they hide?

Braver than even Lan Zhan himself?

By the time Lan Zhan is done showering, he knows how to reply to them, because he cannot tolerate them calling themself a coward.

He doesn’t expect a response to his reply.

In a way, he’s rather assumed this would be the end of their conversation. They’ve both said their piece. Now it’s time for them to move on.

Yet, when his phone chimes a few minutes later his heart still speeds up as he irrationally thinks it’s them.

It’s not.

It’s Wei Ying.

“Lan Zhaaaaaaannnnn…don’t hate me but I can’t make it to lunch today.” He’s surprised - Wei Ying never cancels.

“I could never hate you. Is everything alright?”

“Everythings fine! I just need to work on that paper.”

Lan Zhans brow furrows. It wouldn’t be uncommon for Wei Ying to work on homework while at lunch with him. They often do it together.

Perhaps Wei Ying was more stressed about it than he had let on.

“You will let me know if you need any assistance?”

“Lan Zhan! How can you be so good? The absolute best! Yes - I’ll let you know. Promise.”

Lan Zhan takes him for his word and resolves to push the unease he feels growing in the pit of his stomach to the side.

Everything is fine. He's sure it's fine.

Lan Zhan packs his bag and heads to his first class of the day, head swirling with thoughts about how he can help relieve some of Wei Ying's stress.

Perhaps he could order tea? He had looked so tired when Lan Zhan had last seen him.

Or - if Wei Ying is canceling on him, then he's likely not going to remember to eat. He gets that way, sometimes. Maybe Lan Zhan could cook him dinner and bring it to his apartment later.

He wouldn't need to stay...and selfishly...it would make Lan Zhan feel better to know Wei Ying was taken care of.

The weather is starting to turn, and the leaves are scattered on the pavement around him as he walks to the store. Wei Ying has always been a fan of his sister's lotus root & pork rib soup.

Perhaps he should make soup, then. Braised beef with daikon - warm and hearty, and it doesn't encroach upon the fond memories Wei Ying has of his sister.

He's just bringing the soup to its final boil when his phone chimes again.

It's from the unsaved number.

Lan Zhan's heartbeat picks up, then shatters when he reads the preview on the screen.

"How do you know you can't return my feelings?"

He'd really thought after this morning that this would be the end of it.

He sets his phone to the side and packages up the soup, letting the words sit with him as he walks to the apartment Wei Ying shares with Jiang Cheng.

How does he know he can't like them back? Because his heart already belongs to someone else. He thought this person knew. They had very clearly said they wished they were what he wanted.

He doesn't even know who they are! It doesn't seem fair that they're asking him this. He thought the point was to move on.

Lan Zhan doesn't see how this is helping.

He told them no - why are they continuing to torture themself?

He exhales in frustration as Wei Ying's building comes into view.

He wants to focus on him now and give Wei Ying the attention he deserves, no matter how briefly.

"I don't know who you, are" he types, and pauses.

He wants to get the point across. Once and for all.

"I'm sorry - I can't love you when I'm already in love with someone else. I hope you find your own peace and happiness."

He presses send before he can think twice and makes his way up to Wei Ying's apartment, forcing himself to shove everything to the side.

It isn't until Lan Zhan is standing in front of the door in the dimly lit hallway that it occurs to him that perhaps he shouldn't have surprised Wei Ying with the soup.

So concerned with his well-being, Lan Zhan never paused to consider that Wei Ying might not be home.

The apartment is still on the other side of the door. There aren't the normal signs up life: loud laughter. Music or the dull sound of the TV blaring this drama or that documentary.

Ignoring the prickling on the back of his neck alerting him that something is wrong, Lan Zhan knocks.

And waits.

And knocks again.

He can hear shuffling on the other side of the door now. The slightest shadow of shoes under the door.

Normally, Wei Ying doesn't either.

And that's why it feels like this now. Like Wei Ying doesn't want to see Lan Zhan, and Lan Zhan doesn't know why...

"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan sighs, leaning his head against the door. "I made you soup. I was worried you wouldn't remember to eat."

Wei Ying doesn't say anything and the prickling on his neck only worsens.

"Did I..." Lan Zhan whispers, swallowing. "Wei Ying, what's wrong? You can tell me. You can tell me anything."

Still, silence.

He can't force Wei Ying to talk to him.

"I'll leave the soup for you by the door. Please don't forget to eat."

It's all he can do.

He turns around and leaves the way he came.

It's only after he's made it halfway home that his phone chimes with another text.

"Thanks gege - you're too good."

Lan Zhan has to read it twice, hands shaking - breath caught in his throat, pulse pounding hard in his veins.

It's from the unsaved number...

...But there's only one person who would be shameless enough to call him gege.

And he just brought him soup.

But he can’t be. Wei Ying can’t be this person…Because why wouldn’t he tell him��Why wouldn’t…No…No Wei Ying doesn’t have feelings for him. He can’t. He…But…No…

No…Because if Wei Ying is…then Lan Zhan just told him…

No. No. Nononono…

He couldn’t ruin this. Lan Zhan refused to believe he had just told Wei Ying he couldn’t love him. Not when the only thing Lan Zhan wanted to do was just that.

He needed to talk to Wei Ying.

Now.

He needed to be brave too.

And if he’s wrong…

No. No, he refused to believe that. Not when it all made sense, the way Wei Ying wouldn’t talk to him. The timing of…everything today.

No, he was right, he reassured himself, pounding on Wei Ying’s door.

He had to be.

The door to Wei Ying’s apartment creaked open, and Wei Ying peaked out at him from behind the dark blue painted wood.

“—Lan Zhan…”

“Wei Ying…”

He wasn’t wrong. He couldn’t be.

It was Wei Ying.

It was Wei Ying all along.

“Lan Zhan, what—"

Wei Ying had been brave for them. Now it was Lan Zhan's turn.

Lan Zhan pushed the door open and grabbed Wei Ying by the back of his neck, crashing their lips together before Wei Ying could do something stupid.

Like try and deny it all.

Lan Zhan pulled away from Wei Ying, looking down at his wide shocked eyes and slack parted lips.

"Wei Ying," he breathed, eyes searching his. "Tell me I'm right...tell me it's you...Tell me I had it wrong before, in the texts..."

Wei Ying only stared back at him, unmoving.

"...Right," Lan Zhan shakily exhaled.

He could feel his eyes prickling, but he wasn't going to cry here. He'd wait until he got home for that particular humiliation. He'd done enough today.

"I apologize. I...Please. Forget I ever...I'll leave."

Everything was a blur - his mind a haze. All he understood was one simple thing.

Wei Ying was kissing him. And he was going to kiss him back.

He was going to make Wei Ying understand everything he kept locked away in his heart. He was going to make Wei Ying know just how much he loved him, and how wrong he had been.

Wei Ying began to shake between Lan Zhan's hands as something warm and wet brushed against Lan Zhan's thumbs.

Tears.

"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan breathed, tenderly rubbing the soft skin of Wei Ying's cheeks.

"I...I'm not sad," Wei Ying rasped.

"I'm not, it's just..."

"A lot," Lan Zhan offered, and Wei Ying nodded.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Hiding. Almost losing you. Canceling lunch. Take your pick," he laughed with a watery smile. "I was a coward."

"Not a coward." How could he be when Wei Ying was the bravest person he knew?

Lan Zhan bent down and kissed each cheek - pressing his lips against the salty wet skin from his tears.

"Never a coward. You're so brave, Wei Ying...Braver than I could have been."

Wei Ying closed his eyes against a new wave of tears and Lan Zhan took the opportunity to kiss his lids. His brows.

He wanted to kiss every inch of Wei Ying.

"I can't believe this is real...I can't believe...You said..."

He knew what he said.

"It was you," Lan Zhan murmured, inhaling. "It was always you."

And it would always be him.

He was never letting go again.

(Fin)

A few answers to some things they talk about later:

Wei Ying was too upset to realize he texted from the wrong number, and then he dismissed it and thought Lan Zhan wouldn't notice. He did.

Wei Ying also started doing this because he realized he couldn't keep loving Lan Zhan, but he didn't want to ruin what they had and their friendship. That was too important to him.

Nie Huaisang suggested he do this instead.

I don't think I have anything else left unexplained...But let's just handwave if I do.

Thanks for sticking with this one fam! I haven't done angst here before. It was fun stretching that muscle again!

Originally posted to twitter, then bsky.

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lemonlushff · 6 months

Text

- What's the point of breaking my sweet heart? -

Lan Wangji stares at the text from an unsaved number, feeling surprised and confused all at once.

“I wish I was what you wanted.”

His heart aches for them - this mystery person.

He knows what it’s like to be…

Well.

He knows, perhaps better than most.

The send time was 2 in the morning. A drunk confession from someone, no doubt. Many are made bold by the cover of night with the aid of intoxication. His heart aches for them - this mystery person.

The texts sits heavy with him all day as he runs errands. Does his laundry. Meal preps for the week. Begins his essay on sustainable water collection and storage in desert areas.

He finally writes back just before Wei Wuxian arrives. It feels like the right thing to do - to tell them that it didn’t reach their intended audience.

“Wrong number?”

If it were for him, he would have their number saved. He's sure of it.

He puts the text out of his mind then, silently wishing the person luck with...whoever it was for.

Wei Wuxian arrives at his apartment, backpack slung over one shoulder and dark bruises marring the skin under his eyes.

Another late night, it would seem.

“Wei Ying,” he greets, stepping back into his apartment to allow Wei Wuxian entrance.

“Lan Zhan, hey…Sorry I’m late.”

He isn’t late, by Wei Wuxian’s standards. By his standards, he’s on time.

“It’s alright. I just finished my essay.”

“Ah…Then you’re further than I am,” he grins easily…but his smile is.

Off.

It doesn’t quite reach his tired eyes.

Lan Wangji isn’t worried. About the essay. He knows Wei Wuxian will be able to finish that, and brilliantly. He always does. He’s concerned about him emotionally, however.

“Tea?”

“Ahhh…that would be amazing. Yeah - thanks Lan Zhan.”

“Of course.”

He watches Wei Ying make a place for himself out of the corner of his eye as he fills a kettle. Wei Ying looks like he belongs here. On his couch. In his home.

In his life.

To make him see how much Lan Zhan loved him.

Lan Zhan lights his stovetop as his phone chimes distinctly in the background. He pays it no mind, instead moving to grab Wei Ying's mug from his cabinets.

"How far are you?" Lan Zhan asks neutrally, just to hear the sound of Wei Ying's voice. It never takes much prompting.

He loves that Wei Ying loves to talk. "I have the research done, I'm just putting off writing it. I do my best work under pressure."

"Mm," Lan Zhan hums, selecting a blueberry lavender tea he bought at the farmers market the other week. He was intrigued despite himself and thought Wei Ying might enjoy it.

"Aaaah Lan Zhan...You're judging me! Don't judge me. It always works out, right?"

"I am not judging you. I do, however, believe that this is the perfect opportunity for you to begin working on an outline."

"Before I even have my tea? So cruel gege!"

Lan Wangji ignored the moniker and leveled Wei Ying with a flat look instead. He wouldn't rise to the bait. He learned long ago that it would only encourage it.

"Aish alright, alright...let me get my computer out."

With Wei Ying's back turned, Lan Wangji finally checks his phone.

It's a text from the unknown number.

"Maybe...Was it?"

Lan Zhan's breath hitches in his throat for a moment before he finds himself. It's flattering but meaningless.

"I don't know - I don't know you," he replies.

The kettle starts shrieking from the stove, and Lan Zhan slides his phone back into his pocket where it remains blissfully silent for the rest of the night.

It's not until the next morning that he sees another text from the unsaved number.

Lan Zhan doesn’t know what to think or how to feel this time. This person used his name. Had his number. There is no mistaking it for a drunken wrong text now.

He knows them.

He goes about his morning routine as best he can. Goes for a run. Does some yoga. Showers.

All the while all he can think about is this person.

At first he’s mad.

Because they know he will turn them down?

Because they know he will turn them down…

This person knows him, and in knowing him, they know that their feelings can never be returned. Not when he is so completely and hopelessly in love with Wei Ying.

That’s why they had said they wished they were what he wanted. Because they know…

And is it selfish, then, for them to want to seek release from their emotional bonds to him? It’s it selfish and cruel for them to confess when they think this is the only way they can move on?

Is it not, in truth, as they said? Are they not brave even though they hide?

Braver than even Lan Zhan himself?

By the time Lan Zhan is done showering, he knows how to reply to them, because he cannot tolerate them calling themself a coward.

He doesn’t expect a response to his reply.

In a way, he’s rather assumed this would be the end of their conversation. They’ve both said their piece. Now it’s time for them to move on.

Yet, when his phone chimes a few minutes later his heart still speeds up as he irrationally thinks it’s them.

It’s not.

It’s Wei Ying.

“Lan Zhaaaaaaannnnn…don’t hate me but I can’t make it to lunch today.” He’s surprised - Wei Ying never cancels.

“I could never hate you. Is everything alright?”

“Everythings fine! I just need to work on that paper.”

Lan Zhans brow furrows. It wouldn’t be uncommon for Wei Ying to work on homework while at lunch with him. They often do it together.

Perhaps Wei Ying was more stressed about it than he had let on.

“You will let me know if you need any assistance?”

“Lan Zhan! How can you be so good? The absolute best! Yes - I’ll let you know. Promise.”

Lan Zhan takes him for his word and resolves to push the unease he feels growing in the pit of his stomach to the side.

Everything is fine. He's sure it's fine.

Lan Zhan packs his bag and heads to his first class of the day, head swirling with thoughts about how he can help relieve some of Wei Ying's stress.

Perhaps he could order tea? He had looked so tired when Lan Zhan had last seen him.

Or - if Wei Ying is canceling on him, then he's likely not going to remember to eat. He gets that way, sometimes. Maybe Lan Zhan could cook him dinner and bring it to his apartment later.

He wouldn't need to stay...and selfishly...it would make Lan Zhan feel better to know Wei Ying was taken care of.

The weather is starting to turn, and the leaves are scattered on the pavement around him as he walks to the store. Wei Ying has always been a fan of his sister's lotus root & pork rib soup.

Perhaps he should make soup, then. Braised beef with daikon - warm and hearty, and it doesn't encroach upon the fond memories Wei Ying has of his sister.

He's just bringing the soup to its final boil when his phone chimes again.

It's from the unsaved number.

Lan Zhan's heartbeat picks up, then shatters when he reads the preview on the screen.

"How do you know you can't return my feelings?"

He'd really thought after this morning that this would be the end of it.

He sets his phone to the side and packages up the soup, letting the words sit with him as he walks to the apartment Wei Ying shares with Jiang Cheng.

How does he know he can't like them back? Because his heart already belongs to someone else. He thought this person knew. They had very clearly said they wished they were what he wanted.

He doesn't even know who they are! It doesn't seem fair that they're asking him this. He thought the point was to move on.

Lan Zhan doesn't see how this is helping.

He told them no - why are they continuing to torture themself?

He exhales in frustration as Wei Ying's building comes into view.

He wants to focus on him now and give Wei Ying the attention he deserves, no matter how briefly.

"I don't know who you, are" he types, and pauses.

He wants to get the point across. Once and for all.

"I'm sorry - I can't love you when I'm already in love with someone else. I hope you find your own peace and happiness."

He presses send before he can think twice and makes his way up to Wei Ying's apartment, forcing himself to shove everything to the side.

It isn't until Lan Zhan is standing in front of the door in the dimly lit hallway that it occurs to him that perhaps he shouldn't have surprised Wei Ying with the soup.

So concerned with his well-being, Lan Zhan never paused to consider that Wei Ying might not be home.

The apartment is still on the other side of the door. There aren't the normal signs up life: loud laughter. Music or the dull sound of the TV blaring this drama or that documentary.

Ignoring the prickling on the back of his neck alerting him that something is wrong, Lan Zhan knocks.

And waits.

And knocks again.

He can hear shuffling on the other side of the door now. The slightest shadow of shoes under the door.

Normally, Wei Ying doesn't either.

And that's why it feels like this now. Like Wei Ying doesn't want to see Lan Zhan, and Lan Zhan doesn't know why...

"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan sighs, leaning his head against the door. "I made you soup. I was worried you wouldn't remember to eat."

Wei Ying doesn't say anything and the prickling on his neck only worsens.

"Did I..." Lan Zhan whispers, swallowing. "Wei Ying, what's wrong? You can tell me. You can tell me anything."

Still, silence.

He can't force Wei Ying to talk to him.

"I'll leave the soup for you by the door. Please don't forget to eat."

It's all he can do.

He turns around and leaves the way he came.

It's only after he's made it halfway home that his phone chimes with another text.

"Thanks gege - you're too good."

Lan Zhan has to read it twice, hands shaking - breath caught in his throat, pulse pounding hard in his veins.

It's from the unsaved number...

...But there's only one person who would be shameless enough to call him gege.

And he just brought him soup.

But he can’t be. Wei Ying can’t be this person…Because why wouldn’t he tell him…Why wouldn’t…No…No Wei Ying doesn’t have feelings for him. He can’t. He…But��No…

No…Because if Wei Ying is…then Lan Zhan just told him…

No. No. Nononono…

He couldn’t ruin this. Lan Zhan refused to believe he had just told Wei Ying he couldn’t love him. Not when the only thing Lan Zhan wanted to do was just that.

He needed to talk to Wei Ying.

Now.

He needed to be brave too.

And if he’s wrong…

No. No, he refused to believe that. Not when it all made sense, the way Wei Ying wouldn’t talk to him. The timing of…everything today.

No, he was right, he reassured himself, pounding on Wei Ying’s door.

He had to be.

The door to Wei Ying’s apartment creaked open, and Wei Ying peaked out at him from behind the dark blue painted wood.

“—Lan Zhan…”

“Wei Ying…”

He wasn’t wrong. He couldn’t be.

It was Wei Ying.

It was Wei Ying all along.

“Lan Zhan, what—"

Wei Ying had been brave for them. Now it was Lan Zhan's turn.

Lan Zhan pushed the door open and grabbed Wei Ying by the back of his neck, crashing their lips together before Wei Ying could do something stupid.

Like try and deny it all.

Lan Zhan pulled away from Wei Ying, looking down at his wide shocked eyes and slack parted lips.

"Wei Ying," he breathed, eyes searching his. "Tell me I'm right...tell me it's you...Tell me I had it wrong before, in the texts..."

Wei Ying only stared back at him, unmoving.

"...Right," Lan Zhan shakily exhaled.

He could feel his eyes prickling, but he wasn't going to cry here. He'd wait until he got home for that particular humiliation. He'd done enough today.

"I apologize. I...Please. Forget I ever...I'll leave."

Everything was a blur - his mind a haze. All he understood was one simple thing.

Wei Ying was kissing him. And he was going to kiss him back.

He was going to make Wei Ying understand everything he kept locked away in his heart. He was going to make Wei Ying know just how much he loved him, and how wrong he had been.

Wei Ying began to shake between Lan Zhan's hands as something warm and wet brushed against Lan Zhan's thumbs.

Tears.

"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan breathed, tenderly rubbing the soft skin of Wei Ying's cheeks.

"I...I'm not sad," Wei Ying rasped.

"I'm not, it's just..."

"A lot," Lan Zhan offered, and Wei Ying nodded.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Hiding. Almost losing you. Canceling lunch. Take your pick," he laughed with a watery smile. "I was a coward."

"Not a coward." How could he be when Wei Ying was the bravest person he knew?

Lan Zhan bent down and kissed each cheek - pressing his lips against the salty wet skin from his tears.

"Never a coward. You're so brave, Wei Ying...Braver than I could have been."

Wei Ying closed his eyes against a new wave of tears and Lan Zhan took the opportunity to kiss his lids. His brows.

He wanted to kiss every inch of Wei Ying.

"I can't believe this is real...I can't believe...You said..."

He knew what he said.

"It was you," Lan Zhan murmured, inhaling. "It was always you."

And it would always be him.

He was never letting go again.

(Fin)

A few answers to some things they talk about later:

Wei Ying was too upset to realize he texted from the wrong number, and then he dismissed it and thought Lan Zhan wouldn't notice. He did.

Wei Ying also started doing this because he realized he couldn't keep loving Lan Zhan, but he didn't want to ruin what they had and their friendship. That was too important to him.

Nie Huaisang suggested he do this instead.

I don't think I have anything else left unexplained...But let's just handwave if I do.

Thanks for sticking with this one fam! I haven't done angst here before. It was fun stretching that muscle again!

Originally posted to twitter, then bsky.

#mdzs #wangxian #lan wangji #wei ying #lan zhan #wei wuxian #mdzs fanfiction #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #cql

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