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lets-pretend-i-exist · 8 days
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There are many reasons I don’t date but I was just thinking that one of them is that people like to know who they’re getting involved with and I simply don’t know how to answer those questions.
I know myself sooooo well but only in the way that you can know about a forest by standing in the middle of it and observing your surroundings; the sounds and movement and rhythms of things. But that doesn’t mean you actually know what the forest is.
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lets-pretend-i-exist · 8 days
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t.s. – you’re losing me
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lets-pretend-i-exist · 8 days
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me: stretches my use of prescribed birth control pills to the limits of recommended use, both for short term gain and on the off chance it will negatively affect my fertility because I really really don’t want children
me: [hacker voice] I’m in
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lets-pretend-i-exist · 16 days
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Had a snippet of an old, partially written song reappear in my mind while I was driving yesterday, and oof it feels different now. I might work on it again and try to make something out of it.
You taste like tea and treacle tart Your eyes look empty in the dark A finger presses to my lips Even in my dreams you don’t exist
Even in my dreams this won’t exist Even in my dreams this can’t exist One day I’ll wake up and wonder if We were ever really more than this
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lets-pretend-i-exist · 20 days
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I know I gripe about the side effects of medication sometimes but it is genuinely such a gift to be medicated. To have a period once every few months (only coinciding with important events when it’s inevitable and I know what I’m getting into) and other than that to forget they are a thing my body is capable of. 15yo me, who had such heavy and long periods they were suicidal for half the month and out-of-their-mind exhausted for the other half, would not have believed this level of chill-about-my-body was possible. Oooh birth control, income and independence, I’ll never give you up.
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lets-pretend-i-exist · 3 months
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Came across a small business selling shadow boxes labelled “self-made man” for transmascs to put empty T bottles in and I am obsessed.
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lets-pretend-i-exist · 3 months
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“She takes these emotions, and she tries really hard to transform them into something else, something she is more comfortable, feeling and stewing in. She has done it before – turned grief into hate, made rejection into detachment, and took loneliness and made it apathy.”
Teenagedom is such a horrifying, macabre transformation. You’re in turns hacking up your childhood and helplessly clutching its tarred remains to your bosom. Pushing people away just to test whether they’ll come back, and holding up every moment of their hesitation before they turn and stride back towards you as a testament to their disloyalty.
There’s something so enchanting about loneliness, about cool logic and icy scowls. Withholding love and rejecting joy and drowning yourself in negativity like you deserve it. Telling yourself you deserve to feel bad not only because you act badly but because you are bad, like that’s already an immutable fact when you’ve only been alive for less than two decades.
Teenage wounds close over and their stitches dissolve but the scars never truly leave us. And it’s so difficult to break those patterns of destruction in all directions before they really do become immovable.
Normally I read adult characters who are manipulative and self-destructive and at times outright cruel and I have already written them off as beyond saving, beyond a true redemption arc, not beyond my empathy but a waste of it. But there’s something about young adult characters that makes me think of the claws of lingering teenagedom still embedded, still dragging itself along into every new stage of life, and I want to shake them by the shoulders or hug them or both. Because I was that teenager, and sometimes I still feel the twinge of those claws.
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lets-pretend-i-exist · 3 months
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I watched When Harry Met Sally for the first time recently and I actually do get the status. It’s not The Holiday, nor is it The Grinch or even really a Christmas movie, but it is up there in the hall of fame for December movies.
Aside from the obvious charming details of note in the main plot – no doubt so obvious and long-discussed that I needn’t really mention them – something that comforted me was the appearance of the long game. That even with characters like Marie making such consistently bad choices in their personal lives for upwards of five years, things still work out. And not just in a “she compromises and decides to settle for the guy who’s been there all along” way: in a way that is actually sweet and feels balanced. There aren’t a lot of good, strong romcoms like this anymore, where it feels like all the couples who end up together are actually well-matched, in their favour and flaws alike.
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lets-pretend-i-exist · 3 months
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evermore - taylor swift
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lets-pretend-i-exist · 3 months
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Friday night I'm alone, sat at the piano Thinking about the ex I shouldn't call
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lets-pretend-i-exist · 4 months
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I feel like I really want to die. I don’t actively want to kill myself, but if I got into a car accident or was shot in the head or slipped into a deep unswimmable body of water or was hit by a meteor, I wouldn’t be displeased.
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lets-pretend-i-exist · 4 months
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truth is I can't pretend it's platonic, it's just ended
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lets-pretend-i-exist · 5 months
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Trying to decide if “my breath like a waiting queue” is an unintelligible line. I don’t dispute that it’s dumb
 but is it understandable?
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lets-pretend-i-exist · 5 months
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Had the best kind of dream, where I was wandering around Paris with Jessy and her friends, window shopping and bowling before we sat down for a meal. It’s going to be a good day đŸ„°
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lets-pretend-i-exist · 5 months
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A great way to stop snacking is to be forced to wear retainers full time. I already know I’m going to bump down to two meals a day and no snacks out of sheer annoyance.
(I had an orthodontist appointment because I wanted to discuss getting my semi-permanent wire removed while I’m still on my parents’ healthcare plan. I came out with no wire and horrifying instructions, and pissed off that my choices had not been fully explained to me before the drill was brought out.)
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lets-pretend-i-exist · 5 months
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Currently 10pm Sydney / 12pm Paris and I am puzzling over a translation with my most beloved internet friend. How lucky I am to live in a world where this is possible.
Also she sent me a voice note and I am so glad there’s no view counter for voice notes in dms.
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lets-pretend-i-exist · 5 months
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So weird asking one of my internet friends to like, do a favour for me. Like YES I love you and YES I will stay up late chatting with you and YES we have been friends for years but um would you maybe be able to uhhh check a single-line French translation from a real book I am editing at my real day job?
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