letusbebitter

[letusbebitter]

i used to bring you flowers /once delicate now grow forever in my garden / wild and untamed / i tend to them with precision / each move purposeful yet tender / the same way i touched you / i held you / i loved you /

we used to move together / our steps intertwined as one / i wished only to grow with you / endlessly and free / but instead i grow alone / and think of you between the leaves.

#a #poetry #poets on tumblr #musings #half thoughts #excerpt #writing #i havent written in forever and trying to get back into it #but im still feeling everything #spilled ink

[letusbebitter]

it’s 2016, and your apartment is the only safe place i have ever known and that’s is not a compliment // it means you are indifferent towards me and that is as close to love as i have ever felt.

#a #poetry #poets on tumblr #writing #excerpt #old poem but im editing old writing and this one spoke to me #at least this line #its scary how much things change but also so nice #i dont think about this person anymore and i thought it would kill me #but i moved on 💕 #healing #love #break up #spilled ink

[letusbebitter]

my demons love to visit from time to time

#a #poetry #writing #poets on tumblr #quick stretch #trauma #poem #thoughts #excerpt from a journal entry i wrote but i kind of like this line #im not sure if this is a universal experience or not but i feel like i still get triggered no matter how long ive been in recovery #mental health #thought of the day #spilled ink #pen #ink sketch #doodle

[letusbebitter]

i’m still bitter.

#a #painting #lemons #bitter #watercolors #excerpt #poetry #writing #ive had a lot of feelings lately and my writing has been too traumatic #so heres a quick painting that helped me calm down #hanging plants

[letusbebitter]

Consume

i spent so much of my childhood / waiting / waiting for things to slow down / to stop /

for the quiet / wanted the quiet so badly i became it

i still haven’t found peace / still i wait.

#a #poets on tumblr #spilled ink #writing #poetry #poem #excerpt #not sure what this is but all i know is ive been looking for stability since 1995 #if i cant find it ill become it #childhood #trauma

[letusbebitter]

Unseen

////

i have grown up alone / with this untamed emptiness / a silence that has always been there / filling it to no avail / still searching.

////

in the way that solitude / has never offered me peace / or quenched my longing / neither has the voice of another.

////

don’t move too much / don’t speak too loudly / no one is sure of you yet / please just meld into the wallpaper / and wait to be desired.

////

#a #napowrimo #day 27 #27/30 #april 27 #poets on tumblr #spilled ink #writing #poetry #poem #excerpt #growing up lonely #a heavily edited snippet of a poem i wrote about high school today #i thought i was over it but im not #im tired of being hidden and unknown #these 3 stanzas dont go together and theres some stuff in between to connect them

[letusbebitter]

coffee and toast

most days start the same

trying to find the beauty

in a life alone.

#a #napowrimo #day 25/30 #25/30 #april 25 #haiku #poets on tumblr #spilled ink #writing #poetry #poem #its another gray day here and im wondering if these feelings will ever change #lonely #alone

[letusbebitter]

A List of Facts I Can’t Say Out Loud

Most days i can’t think straight / stuck in a perpetual time loop of what could have happened / versus what did / i miss you already.

i think we’re meant to be together / but we’re better apart.

i don’t know how to reconcile that anymore.

#a #napowrimo #april 22 #22/30 #day 22 #love #break up #poets on tumblr #spilled ink #writing #poetry #poem #excerpt #i’ve been writing about the same person for over 3 years and im still so sad #i think the last line really sums up how i feel and i literally do not know how to get passed it #anyway im still sad happy earth day

[letusbebitter]

i’m still angry.

#a #napowrimo #april 20 #20/30 #day 20 #poets on tumblr #spilled ink #writing #poetry #poem #excerpt #sketch #im going through weekly heartbreak and im ready to burn it all to the ground #also i promise ive been writing everyday and actually doing daily poems but i just havent been able to post them #everything is triggering my friends

[letusbebitter]

old sketch / new words / same feelings.

#a #napowrimo #day 17/30 #17/30 #april 17 #poets on tumblr #spilled ink #writing #poetry #poem #love #excerpt #i drew this a while ago but just touched it up and added a line from a poem i wrote about mental health

[letusbebitter]

i can never figure out what i want in time

#a #napowrimo #day 16 #16/30 #april 16 #poets on tumblr #spilled ink #writing #poetry #poem #excerpt #love #quarantine walks on my own make me realize what im missing and what i want #thats avoidant attachment my friends!

[letusbebitter]

old feelings

i’m just saying when you touch me, i feel you thinking about someone else. i feel her too. i love her too.

i don’t think any of this should have hurt this much, but it does. i think we should have shattered by now. dropped this delicate mess on the kitchen floor and watch the glass break into beautiful fragments.

i don’t think i should pick up these pieces again.

#a #napowrimo #april 15/30 #15/30 #day 15 #halfway through thank goodness! #its hard to find inspiration under quarantine all i think about is how lonely i am #so im not even writing about anything new these feelings are all at least 5 years old but they resurface sometimes so here we are #love #break up #poets on tumblr #spilled ink #writing #poetry #poem #a letter i wrote to someone but never sent

[letusbebitter]

Halo

in june i board a plane, pack up my tarnished heart and desire to run / leave the town where you first touched me / for a city sparkling with crisp air and fresh feelings / exhale you out of my lungs / sleep in unfamiliar beds / memorize new streets / but in between cobble roads and the sound of each footstep / i feel you still.

i am left wondering how different it would all look / if it was still emblazoned with your golden haze.

#a #napowrimo #day 14 #14/30 #april 14 #poets on tumblr #spilled ink #writing #poetry #poem #love #travel #starting over #heart break #the prompt was write about a time you traveled somewhere in love but the jokes on me because i mostly travel to get away from love

[letusbebitter]

Adult love looks so different than i thought it would.

#a #napowrimo #day 13 #13/30 #april 13 #poets on tumblr #spilled ink #writing #poetry #poem #excerpt #love #mostly just random thoughts ive had lately #something about how my family only shows love through food and now i do the same #idk i didnt like the poem very much so heres just the essence of my thoughts lately #drawings #sketches

[letusbebitter]

on the long drive home the sun starts to set

i look ahead into the darkness,

a golden haze illuminatates around me

like a halo of attrition,

a shield of redemption.

i have forgotten what it feels like

to move through the world purposefully.

#a #napowrimo #day 12 #12/30 #april 12 #excerpt #poets on tumblr #spilled ink #writing #poetry #poem #i have a lot of thoughts when im driving and theyre rarely ever productive or positive #and going home gives me a lot of feelings as well

[letusbebitter]

if we met when we were older

time

touched you

with tender hands

///

time

left me

outside to die

///

time

moved us

apart, never forgotten.

#a #napowrimo #april 11 #11/30 #day 11 #poets on tumblr #spilled ink #writing #poetry #poem #time #i like tbe concept of meeting someone again when youre older #but it also hurts to think about because i think im worse and theyre better off #napowrimo prompt #hay(na)ku poem #short poem #extended hat(na)ku #early morning thoughts

[letusbebitter]

Beautiful Destruction

i think i was built wrong

think they added too much

or maybe not enough

think something went wrong

with my wiring

think they gave me a self-destruct button

i shouldn’t have

it works every time

though it doesn’t hurt anymore.

/

but it used to.

/

i think i need maintenance

someone come fix me

i need to be fixed

who will hold me until i’m healed again?

who will hold me if i can’t be healed again?

#a #napowrimo #day 10 #10/30 #april 10 #poets on tumblr #spilled ink #writing #poetry #poem #self destruction #been thinking about all my flaws too much and wondering if that makes me unlovable or if i can even love mysef again